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619. How to Ditch the All-or-Nothing Mindset Trap · Be It Till You See It

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you are going to do something you should do all of it, otherwise you should not have it.
• 0:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Beat till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action knowing that perfect is boring.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm also Logan, Ply's instructor, and fit this business coach.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: My friends, action brings clarity.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hi be a babe.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to our series on habits.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are working our way through.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are now on the other side of the half.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I am so excited.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is your first time listening to us.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I recommend going back to the beginning of the habits.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have to go back to episode one, but then you have to have it's just so you're not lost.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this is really where I just want to give you a pep talk because when I was coaching people.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And no matter how much they were told by the expert himself, that they need to make it smaller, that they need to make it, they can't be all or nothing, that they're an experimentation mode.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I found a lot of people being hard of themselves because they were unable to do the thing that they wanted to do, but they didn't make it very small.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: They said, okay, for example, the habit was like, oh, I wanna run five days a week.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to run a mile and then the first day they didn't have enough time run a mile the second day they did it but then they were sore the third day so they couldn't then something happened on the fourth day then on the fifth day they didn't have enough time I was in like I'm not good enough and that it doesn't even insert your desired habit here.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's why it 30, 21 days, 30 days, 70 days think a habit isn't a real thing.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because it's not about the the consistency of every single day.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Consistency really is a heartbeat.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's about actually making sure the thing that you want to have it to have it is for something you want to do, right?
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's really easy for us to have habits of other people's.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Second, it's important that not only does I have a thing you want to do, but we are putting it in a achievable bite size situation so that you can actually do the thing.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you can actually like check the box right from my perfectionist and my my achievers here.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: but a lot of you are overachievers and have an all or nothing mindset when it comes to things and if you are going to do something you should do all of it otherwise you should not have it and we come across this a lot at OPC we have people who are like oh I only logged in once a week and so I'm going to quit this and it's like what's a week that's what are like are you doing something else to rest week?
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: No well then is it one week better than nothing?
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah you're not
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we have to be kind or to ourselves and I think one of the reasons I think that like this podcast exists is just to remind people that you're doing a great job and the thing you want to have and the things you want to have and the person you want to be all that is possible, but it's not calm because you like snapped your fingers and woke up that day the next day like confident and put together with all the acclades no it comes together little by little step by step one brick at a time sometime at brick falls.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes the brick is a little crooked.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the new learn had to be a better brick builder or layer brick layer.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: You learn, you can go faster, right?
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: The first time I ran up a flight of stairs was a runner, like I had to look at every single step I was doing, right?
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Were these stairs in Santa Monica?
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're like super famous.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I kind of wonder if they're still there, actually.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're in the palaces area.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we would run from the top of the bluff in Santa Monica down to palaces in Mecca, right?
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And these really cool stairs and the first like the first set first couple of times I couldn't even go all the way up the stairs and then going down the stairs I had at my hand on the rail right and so you know but then I kept going and it became easier to go with the stairs came easier to just go down the stairs without touching the handle became easier to go to steps at a time I got faster so time you myself I got faster right in fact let me tell you what these stairs there was this guy who is going up them on a single leg.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: All the way up and then right now in the single the other single leg all the way up we're talking like so many flights of Sarah's a fire department uses us to train and it happened to be like an Olympic speed skater so anyways all this to say You actually don't get where you want because you snap to fingers you get there one step at a time slow slower like oh you missed a step up you trip up to step to up okay now you're in faster now now you're going to straight line now oh now it's you can do with your eyes close I can do a single leg.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the alternate mindset is actually not a single person you admire in this world, did anything with an all-or-nothing vibe.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every single one of them failed.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: It literally had a door slam in their face, fell to the ground, landed and mud, got up and did it again.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: So habits are not built in all-or-nothing mindset.
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It will never happen.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: You will never have the habit you want.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Another mindset you do need to have is a just do at mindset.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It could just be at mindset.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's hard.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's easy to go, oh, I can't do it right so I'm not going to do it today.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I slept in America today.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So today, for example, in the day I'm recording this, I actually barely have enough time to do any of the things that I really wanted to do.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I, like I said in the last episode, I'm like, really enjoying this study of terror.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, I'm gonna do a card a day.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sitting on my desk, I'm gonna just do one card and I'll open up my emails, right?
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the truth is, is like, I sat down.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had seven minutes between, with putting a nice sat down and what I had to do next.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I was like, well, I'll do seven minutes of this thing.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just do it.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, not on all or nothing thing because I, if I had that mindset, I wouldn't have done it yet, and when I can see right now is I might not be on card number three, right, I just started this yesterday, but I am halfway through card number two, and it's quite possible that I will have seven moments later today, and I can actually work on it, but the having a more just do it, I just be it like do what you can imperfectly is actually going to make your habits more successful.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: it's why a lot of people are so successful.
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's why a lot of people who like fail and fail and fail until they get it, like they learn so much from the failure of things that, for example, today, like when I did the first day, it took me like 20 minutes and I was like, because I was reading a bunch of different things.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had to get up on different stuff together, like I was trying to connect with the dots.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, as of right now, at the time of recording this, I actually don't know how long it takes me to do one card with all the different questions that
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Does it take me 20 minutes?
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Does it take me 15 minutes?
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Does it take me?
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Doesn't take seven takes longer than that.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So because I don't know that, I have to just do what I can do.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then celebrate that I did do it.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: By the way, I did celebrate.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh,
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: that we did a page where we're like, great job.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's amazing, right?
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it's really important to enrich the all or nothing and said, go for the, like, you know, done is better than perfect mindset.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I have mentioned this before, but I actually want to talk about like the celebration part of how the habits are great, because it is the thing that is so key.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I found that a lot of people had a hard time doing.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, they they almost had a harder time doing this and they did making things smaller, but it was close to close touch, right, like I could, for example, if I'm in my experimentation mode of this new habit, if I find that a couple days like a card a day is really hard, maybe I can do one card, like each day open the book, but I do one page of the book, right, like that might be where I have to do it rather because each card has about three pages, so maybe I have to go to one page, maybe I have to go to just one question.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I have to just maybe the habit actually becomes just opening the book and anything it is extra credit.
• 7:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you see how we can make it?
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can make it so small that I end up just getting to pick up the book, right?
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: We talked about an episode one.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just pick up the book.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you got to make it super small and you have to celebrate.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So celebrations are the thing that I find the perfectionist have, the hardest time with, like, what?
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cause it's like, well, is it really where this celebration?
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I just picked up the book?
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it is if you want to keep picking up the book.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is very much worth it.
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is so important.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's over a hundred different ideas of celebration that BJ Tias, but I will tell you his really fun.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: activity for figuring out how you like to celebrate.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: So take a little bunch of different ways you can sell it in the moment, a song you like to play, a dance you like to do, a kid you want a high five, hopefully it's your kid, you know, like maybe put on your favorite lipstick and go amazing.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe high five yourself, right?
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: All these different ways you could celebrate.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then set a timer for five minutes and go into a room in your house that's messy.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every time you put something away, try one of the new things on your celebration list so you find one that feels easy, authentic and totally of.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the way you figure it out.
• 9:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when you figure it out, right?
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for me, I actually do say it out loud.
• 9:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's if you're around me, you'll hear me do it.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's because one, we all need a pep talk.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: So sometimes from time to time, like yes, people are lovely.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I get lovely DMs about how amazing I am and what they love.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have to love what I do too.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And in fact, my voice is louder than the other voices.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm negative of myself.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't even hear the compliments, but if I'm positive to myself, I can totally receive those compliments.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I celebrate verbally and it's usually something amazing.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: But
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes if it's something a little harder or a little more challenging for me, something like I am struggling to enjoy, I turn on the music, like our house doesn't have music going on for seven.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wish it did.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I kind of like, I'm like, how do we get a Sonos type thing?
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Can Sonos do you want to sponsor me?
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do I have?
• 9:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I would love this music playing in the whole house while we're working.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It would definitely cover the fact that I can hear my husband in his office.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I put music on and I put on like songs that like I just absolutely love like sometimes that's my way of celebrating It really helps me like brightens the mood sometimes the best way so you know figure out figure out the way you like to celebrate and it cannot we talk about this in the earlier series are the series Cannot be a reward later on has to be in the moment
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: in the moment.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you need to do it even if you think about doing the habit and you miss it.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So like if tomorrow, I think about doing the taro book, but I don't get to the taro book.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have to celebrate that I thought about it in that moment because it will help me continue to build that habit.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go on tour.
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm recording this before I go on tour.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, I am bringing on tour.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I will take this experiment.
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: We'll continue to go because it's like, okay, went on tour is it easy for me to grab this book?
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it beginning of the day?
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it at the end of the day?
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it, you know, what I mean, dinner is it before I leave the van to go the gym?
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, when is it?
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right now I can tell you right now it's not going to happen in the morning.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: as much as I would love it to, like go and just like start the day.
• 10:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: There, it's not easy because I have to turn on a light my husband's in the van dog has to pee.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have a limited time to work out and get my get ready for the day.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I already know that that's not going to be what I do it.
• 11:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So right at the home, it's like before I, when I sit down at my desk to work, I will do my taro.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's going to, on the tour, it's going to have to be like,
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: everyday before I go to bed, I will do the Taro, right?
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like it might have to be like that.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I won't see if I might like it more.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It might become part of my nighttime routine that we will find out.
• 11:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I just want to wrap this up by saying, you're allowed to in your process of implementing habits, get it wrong.
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: at the time wrong, get the prompt wrong, get the location of when you want to do it wrong, get the size of how tiny it needs to be to get started.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're allowed to hit it wrong because every time you do, it's feedback and information about how you operate better, how what makes you tick, what makes it easier for you to build habits and truly putting in the right spot.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you're not overwhelmed so that it's in the part of the day that actually fuels you.
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And also, sometimes, as you're working through a habit, you realize you don't want it.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I, there are some habits I really have wanted to create or I thought I did.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then in the effort of putting through it, some of the habits that I thought would get me to the goal that I wanted, weren't the thing that did it at all.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: They weren't the thing that did it at all, right?
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to share that with you because
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not always going to get the exact right habit down, not not only like like as a habit, but it might not it might even like in the process of experimenting might be like, you know what I actually love doing this in the morning, but I don't want to do this in the morning and he's be something else like I thought.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: that running would help me feel like the health goal that I had.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's actually not running.
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's boxing.
• 12:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you're the you're allowed to fail because just feedback that helps you get to know yourself more.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the more you do this, the more you work this series, the easier it is for you to actually add in new habits.
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: You start to be a quick or going, oh, I know that's going to be hard for me.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to do it.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I know that's going to be a little easier for me.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to do it, right?
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or you know, I have this feeling of myself that I
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I should have listened so I'm going to listen right now.
• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You just get to know yourself more.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Failure is feedback.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I really wish we could give failure like a better, there should be another word for failure.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like being in process, right, is what you're trying to do.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So whether you nail the habit today and you don't tomorrow, it's just information on, do I have the right prompt?
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is this tiny enough?
• 13:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it, is it something that I am, am I enjoying it?
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, am I enjoying it?
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then most importantly, let yourself be a beginner.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, you're new to this habit, you're new to even if it's something you used to do and you got out of the habit you unraveled it right you're it's new to you and the person you are today and so it just takes time.
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: So digital or nothing take the messy action celebrate what you did do and reflect correct and continue you got this you're amazing have an awesome day.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's all I got for this episode of The Be It Tell You See A Podcast, one thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review, and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Be It Pot on Instagram.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would love to know more about you, share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it, help us and others be a tell you see it.
• 14:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Have an awesome day.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
• 14:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epicteam at Desenio.co.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music, and our branding by designer and artist John Franco-Chilfe.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
• 15:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.