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What are money and power dynamics in relationships? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

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  SPEAKER_00: Money and power in relationships are closely linked.
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  SPEAKER_00: Whoever controls or bring in more of the household income often ends up with more sane decisions, whether that's spoken out loud or not.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now this isn't unusual and it isn't automatically a problem as lots of couples earn different amounts and still build something fair.
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  SPEAKER_00: What matters isn't who earns more, it's how the money is actually managed between both of you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now a useful shift here is moving from assumptions to agreements.
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  SPEAKER_00: So many couples never actually sit down and decide how money should work between them, so unspoken rules form instead.
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  SPEAKER_00: And those unspoken rules are usually where resentment builds.
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  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself honestly, do I have to ask permission to spend money?
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  SPEAKER_00: Do I know what's in our accounts?
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  SPEAKER_00: Can I make decisions without needing approval first?
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  SPEAKER_00: Now these questions aren't about blame, but it's about noticing whether current setup might be leaving one person more exposed than the other.
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  SPEAKER_00: Financial equality between partners tends to matter more for relationship satisfaction than how much either person actually earns.
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  SPEAKER_00: And practical ways of support with this is to start by naming how things currently work, even if that conversation feels uncomfortable.
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  SPEAKER_00: Talk about who pays for what, what decisions need to be made together versus separately, and what happens if things change, such as a job loss, illness or a career break.
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  SPEAKER_00: If one of you earns less or nothing at all, having your own money to spend without needing to explain it protects a sense of independence even within a shared setup.
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  SPEAKER_00: Small practical things also help, like knowing the account balances, having your name on shared accounts, and agreeing on a few shared goals like savings or a big purchase rather than just splitting bills and stopping there.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now if money conversations keep turning to arguments, if one of you feels controlled or kept in the dark, or if you notice access to money being used to limit what the other person can do, that's worth taking seriously.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now a couples therapist or a financial therapist who works with relationship money issues can help you build a system that feels fair.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if financial control is part of a wider pattern of one partner limiting or controlling the other, domestic violence support service can help you understand your options safely.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can explore more on the app's resources around communicating about money and work.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're thinking about harming yourself and feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.