Latest / The Rachelle Starr Podcast / From Surviving to Thriving | The Rachelle Starr Podcast Episode 11
Transcript
- Rachelle Starr: Hi, I'm Rochelle, the host of the Rochelle Star Podcast, where we equip the church to bring the hope and love of Jesus to women in the adult entertainment industry. We're going to be having honest conversations about what that really looks like. So if you've ever wondered how to engage in this space or how to do it well, you're in the right place. All right, welcome back to the Rochelle Star Podcast. I'm Rochelle, and this is my co-host. Natalie. And we are so excited to be talking about healing and restoration today. Yeah. Man, one of the things that Scarlet Hope I love is that we actually get to sit on both sides of the table. We get to sit on the table where we experience such darkness, such brokenness, and by God's grace, we get to see lives transformed and healed. But that process It's a long one. It's a long one and it's hard. And, you know, quite frankly, most people want to give up. And but I know honestly, after nearly 20 years, it's worth the wait to see a life transform. And so we're gonna talk about this and what does it look like to walk alongside a woman? What sort of tips and things that we can give to our listeners if they're walking alongside somebody. It doesn't have to be somebody from the industry, but maybe it's somebody who's going through a lot of suffering or has a lot of trauma or is experiencing something really hard right now. How do we show up for individuals? ⁓ and so let's jump right in, Natalie, with can you think of a story of where a woman went from that brokenness to whole and healed? Yeah, I ⁓ thankfully I have been able to see so many lives transformed by the gospel. And I can think of several instances of women who started out in the industry, ⁓ became a believer, and now they are walking in wholeness and healing. And you know, it's it's a lifelong journey. I think we're not gonna be fully healed until heaven. Yep. Until Jesus comes back. Until Jesus comes back. but yeah, even recently ⁓ I've been able to walk with a woman through our digital outreach. So those are women who have posted ads online or have been trafficked online. And ⁓ this woman ⁓ she came to case management and said, you know, I'd like some help. I have some bear like I have barriers, I have things I need resources for. And so I've been walking with her now for several months. ⁓ she became a believer, she got baptized, she has a job. She got out of hotel living and is now living in her own apartment and praise God she's out of the industry. And so, you know, th that only took me 20 seconds to say, but it did not take 20 seconds for it to be accomplished. Absolutely not. And it never, ever, ever does. It never ever does. Because we're complex individuals. We have a whole we have belief systems. We have you know, trauma that's happened to us. We have ⁓ a a lot of adverse things that happen in our in our foundations of our lives that really ⁓ can prevent vulnerable and broken and hurting people from actually ⁓ taking the steps necessary to begin that healing journey. I love what you said that it is a lifelong journey because no one, none of us, not myself, Not you are fully healed ⁓ you know, until eternity, but we can with Christ walk in wholeness and healing and in an abundant life that he came to die for. Yeah. And I that's what I love so much about what we get to do at Scarlet Hope is we get to tell people we're not the savior, we're not the healer, but we know who is. And when you trust in him and you trust all of your stuff to him, he can do the work in you. But with with people like you and me and the church ladies that go into the clubs and the church ladies that reach out digitally, we can help equip people to be what I s I s sort of define as like a source of hope and light along their journey. Because we all need people along this path of restoration and healing. So let's back up for a little bit and talk about. the different types of maybe wounds that we see in women that are in the industry. Mm-hmm. Well, I think first and foremost, it's really important to point out that Job in the Bible, his friends did a really great job until they started talking. And so the way to learn about the wounds that women have is to listen. And so my first step in walking alongside of the a woman is to listen to them and really understand what wound she's carrying because there can be such a wide variety. And the way trauma works is different than a lot of other like a medical diagnosis. A lot of times you can get a medical diagnosis and this is a treatment for that diagnosis. But with trauma There's so many variable factors. You can't say, okay, if you have this type of trauma, just do these three things and you're healed. That's not the way trauma works. And so really it's important to listen and understand, okay, does this woman have wounds from ⁓ abuse? Does she have wounds from abandonment? Does she have wounds from addiction? You know, three A's And so, what does that look like? And those are a lot of the three big ones that I see. It's a very big category. ⁓ but I think listening is is really important because when we listen we learn the wounds, we learned their vulnerabilities and then we also learn their barriers to understanding the gospel, which is really important. I think the word understanding only happens when we listen and y sure, somebody can show up at a coffee date with an indiv with somebody else and they can listen and then be judgmental or they can listen and give really bad advice. ⁓ the I have learned in the years, I didn't always do it this way, but I've really learned to just ask questions that I am not the expert on any one person's life. I don't know what the best thing is for them. Like I can pray to the Lord that He'll give me guidance when they need it and I can share that with them. But I'm really not the expert on their life. And so that's very important for us to understand because it makes me, it puts me, my mind, anyways, in a place where I can truly trust the Lord, listen and understand. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And seek to understand. And and Jesus did that. He asked a lot of questions. He asked a lot of questions. Often his first response was a question. So let's talk about that. Like how would you suggest people who are walking locks alongside somebody start with listening questions or, you know, not even leading questions I want to make? You know, you might know the answer to the problem or you might know the solution that they need, but if we ask leading questions, you're really still not gonna get the r the true heart transformation or true ⁓ Mindset shift, if you will, if you ask leading questions. And so what do what does asking questions actually look like? So found I love that question. The foundational thing is when you interact with a woman, the foundation of she is a human being made in the image of God. If your foundation is she just needs to listen and obey what I say and she's gonna have a glorious life, it's not gonna go well. So your motivation behind your questions are really important. What's the motivation? How do you see this woman? Because if you are not right with how you see her. You're not gonna ask the right questions. So, first, form that foundation, check yourself, check your motivations on why you're asking these questions. Second, it depends on for me, there's kind of two paths. There's a woman who says she is a believer, and the woman who says she is not a believer. So, with a woman who says she is a believer, she has the Holy Spirit. I, if you didn't know, am not the Holy Spirit. What? I know. I know, not even close. And so many times Christians believe that they can be the Holy Spirit for other people. And it's really important that you do not do that. Because the Holy Spirit, believe it or not, knows more about that woman than even the woman. And so he is work if she is a believer, the Holy Spirit is working in that woman. And uncovering layers and layers and layers of sin. Praise God that He does not reveal all of my sin to me every day all at once. I would crumble. We'd crush. We'd be crushed. Crushed. And so the Holy Spirit is so kind working with women and in this context I'm just talking about women, but is so kind working with women on on revealing sin slowly. And so an example that I have of that is I was working with a woman who ⁓ became a believer, she was in the clubs, and she said, ⁓ I'm really feeling conviction from the Holy Spirit that I should not get drunk at the club. Now my initial thought was the Holy Spirit is telling you not to work at the club. Thankfully, I did not say that. Because that would have been me deciding I am the Holy Spirit. Yeah. And I am not. So I said, okay, the Holy Spirit is revealing something to this woman. I need to encourage that. And so I said, How this is a question. How can I help you? Mm-hmm. How what can we do? And so we formed a plan. We formed an accountability plan. She's like, I think this would be good. I affirmed it. So asking her questions, what does she think? Affirming what she thinks, when it they're good thoughts. So we came up with a plan. And the next time we met, she said, Well, I did it. I haven't been drunk while working at the club. And ⁓ I really feel like The Lord, the Holy Spirit's now telling me I shouldn't work there. Interesting. And so if I had decided I was the Holy Spirit and said, No, I know what sin should come first, I would have been undoing the work that the Holy Spirit was doing. But by listening to what the woman said the Holy Spirit was doing and working alongside the Holy Spirit and not saying, I know better than the Holy Spirit, I was able to help that woman. listen to the spirit even more, encourage that relationship. And that's what I the path of if a woman is a believer. Now, if a woman is not a believer, I really think it's important to ask questions, about her background, her faith background, and really trying to see where that barrier is to the gospel. So even if she says things to me like, hey, a really big barrier for me is I don't have my high school diploma. And we're working together to c and I'm affirming that. I'm like, okay, how can I help you again? How can I help you? Giving her that empowerment of what does she think? Not telling her what to think. And ⁓ through those questions you can kind of see like why doesn't she have our high school diploma? And like hearing her story and her background of how she didn't feel supported, she felt abandoned. Okay. Well abandonment is a huge barrier to the gospel because the gospel is I will not abandon you. Yeah. Well how can you believe that if you've been abandoned? Mm-hmm. And so addressing those abandoned wounds. So those are kinda like the two of them different pathways. No, I love that you separated those out because that's exactly I mean especially for our listeners, they're not all sitting with an unbeliever. ⁓ many of us should be speaking and listening and understanding with women in our own churches and in our own Bible studies and communities. ⁓ and we should be ⁓ sharpening one one another with these with these I don't want to call them methods, but way of caring for people. Yeah. You know, one of the things that comes up, and I am no psychologist, so just a disclaimer on that. However, I got to sit for about four years under Dr. John Townsend's cohort groups many years ago. And I learned this concept that I've used with individuals all throughout the years. I've I've experienced it in my own life, ⁓ where it's called a missed matched experience. So if you are taught, ⁓ like say all of your upbringing. If you were happy and excited and like really hyperactive and your parents just like, or let's say your dad just like did not like that. So every time you were excited and like had a lot of energy, you were told you were too much, or you were told to be quiet or go to your room or you know, whatever, you learn that being too much is not. Okay. You learn that being excited and hyperactive is not okay in this world. But the reality is is that when we get older and we carry those that experience and that we've already formed that pathway in our minds neurologically, we need something different to teach us that that that we are okay, that we are enough, that we the way God made us. is okay. And so what that looks like for us as church ladies and as people who walk alongside other people is we get to have this misch mismatched experience. And so a woman that I've walked alongside with for a long time, she would always say the phrase, I'm being too much, most people leave me. That's what she would say. And I'd say, I'm not gonna leave you. You're not too much for me. And she'd go, Well what if I do become too much? And she would even test me. Like she would be kind of crazy and like it would be too much. She'd be too much and I would say I'd still pursue her and I'd still hang out with her and I'd still ask her to coffee. And it began this new narrative in her brain. And eventually she learned, ⁓ like I can accept the way that God made me. I am not too much. And you know, this is a small example, but these mismatched experiences can happen all the time in our lives and with other and when with people. When you go your whole life or many years having to survive and you've told yourself one story over and over and over again, and then you meet Natalie, who can help you rewrite that script in your mind and and rewrite that script in your life that you you do have dreams and talents and treasures and you do have gifts that can help you stop surviving and start thriving. We start to rewrite nar ⁓ narratives in people's minds with the help of the Holy Spirit. And we have this mismatched experience. That's very important for people who are healing. And God can restore it it's exactly like going from being an unbeliever to a believer. God begins to restore what was broken and restore all of those patterns and all of those behaviors, but in God's kindness one at a time. Yes. You know, and I think that that's so important. God's kindness leads us to repentance. It's not never is it a harsh, accusatory, judgmental tone that leads people to repentance. It's God's kindness that led me to repentance in continued. Repentance, it's God kind God's kindness that leads other people to repentance. And that's so important to ⁓ keep in mind as we think about helping people heal. Yeah, I agree. When we think about the side of healing, ⁓ as we start to to close this podcast up, what steps or what things have you seen that help people heal? What's truths that Do you remind them of and I know it's different in every situation. Right. But what are some of those things that you can do and that we can do to help people heal? I think one of the best things to do is to provide that network of support. So I really come into case management with the mindset of I never want a woman to think like Natalie's my savior. But I wanna introduce her to the savior and then introduce her to community of support. So it's not just me meeting all of her needs, but it's me introducing her to other organizations, other people that can support her. So I think support is a really big thing for healing. I also think ⁓ boundaries and kind of seeing a w like women when they see me kind of show boundaries or say no or say yes and me accepting their yes and accepting their no is really important. Because a lot of times women ha their no's have never been respected. Mm-hmm. And so teaching a woman that there are safe people where their no will be respected is is really important. And ⁓ I think recognizing that you don't get to decide what a woman's like Okay, once she does once she does this that I want her to do, she's healed. It's really more of ⁓ how is her relationship with the Lord and how is how is she doing? What does she think where she's at? Yeah, we tal we talk ⁓ on this podcast about flourishing and really flourishing looks like when a restored relationship with God, ⁓ or an image bearer comes to know their right identity in Christ. And when they are restored relationally with other people. ⁓ specific s specifically in the body of Christ. And those things are so important to like what you just said. Community is people heal in community. They do not heal in isolation. And it does matter what community they're in. It does. But I think it's also very important as Christians to remember that if you see bad fruit on a tree. And you go and try to pluck that bad fruit off, more bad fruit is going to grow there. So what do we do as individuals seeking to help walk alongside people who ⁓ desperately need healing and restoration is to go down to that soil and share grace, truth, and time and and those things over a long period of time. New fruit can grow on that tree as they are introduced to Christ as they start walking their own journey with the Lord ⁓ and with the Lord's people, then we can see good fruit grow. And so ⁓ I think that that's I also learned that from Dr. John Townsend as well. And I love that analogy because, you know, it's it is not a line healing is not linear. Correct. It's very complex. You'll take 10 steps forward, 20 backwards or what have you. And it's like that but God's grace is so sufficient for our journey. And we know at Scarlet Hope, even though women may never accept Christ. God is still for them. God is still there waiting for them and his arms are open. And the woman who does accept Christ, we obviously know that the Holy Spirit will guide her in her healing journey to full restoration one day in Christ. Amen to that. That's excit I'm excited for that day. Isn't that exciting? Yeah, it is. So you ⁓ listening to this podcast are agents of flourishing, are agents of Restoration and healing in people's lives, and we get to do that, and it's such a privilege at Scarlet Hope. So we'd love to have you join us. ⁓ you can walk alongside in outreach or community or discipleship. That's our model of ministry. And we get Natalie and I get to see many women healed in Christ Jesus. Yes, we do. It's very exciting. Thank you for listening to the Rochelle Star podcast. If this conversation encouraged you or challenged you, I'd invite you to take the next step. Whether that's learning more, getting involved, or sharing this episode with someone else. At Scarlet Hope we believe consistent presence changes lives, and there's a place for you in this work. You can learn more at ScarletHope.org.