Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1: Habits to Make Your Family Happier

Transcript

#1: Habits to Make Your Family Happier · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this first ever episode of The
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast. My name's doctor Justin Colson, and this
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: is the podcast that's dedicated to making your family happier.
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  Speaker 1: Because this is all brand new, I'm just going to
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: take a quick minute and introduce myself and tell you
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: a bit about who I am, and then we're going
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  Speaker 1: to dive into this week's topic, which is called seven
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  Speaker 1: ways that we can proactively set our family up to
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: be happy. As I said, my name is doctor Justin Coulson,
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  Speaker 1: and the first thing that you should know about me
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  Speaker 1: is that I'm a dad.
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  Speaker 2: My wife Kylie, and I have got six.
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  Speaker 1: Children, six daughters, and I've got to admit, even though
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  Speaker 1: I know a whole bunch about parenting, I find it
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  Speaker 1: incredibly challenging. And that's kind of how I got here.
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  Speaker 1: So let me tell you my story in just a
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: couple of brief minutes, and then I'll tell you more
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: about this podcast. So I left high school, did a
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: couple of years of volunteer work for my church, and
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  Speaker 1: then got into the radio business. I was a radio
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  Speaker 1: announcer for the best part of a decade and climbed
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  Speaker 1: all the way to the top of the radio tree,
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  Speaker 1: got to one of the biggest radio stations in Australia
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  Speaker 1: and loved.
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  Speaker 2: What I did. But the further up I got, the
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  Speaker 2: less I enjoyed it.
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  Speaker 1: Until I got to the very top and I thought,
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  Speaker 1: you know what, this view isn't everything that I'd hoped
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  Speaker 1: that it would be. At the same time, my wife
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  Speaker 1: and I, Kylie, and I had just had our second daughter,
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  Speaker 1: and I was really failing as a father. I was
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  Speaker 1: this mid twenties guy radio jock, had no idea how
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  Speaker 1: to be a dad, because, let's face it, we just
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  Speaker 1: have children. Nobody tells us how to be parents. We
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  Speaker 1: just become parents. And I was doing it, I think
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  Speaker 1: a terrible job, quite honestly. And there was one particular
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  Speaker 1: incident that I remember when my oldest daughter as a
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  Speaker 1: little two or three year old toddler. She was not
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  Speaker 1: playing the game that I wanted her to play. She
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't do as she was told. Kylie had left me
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  Speaker 1: for the afternoon. It was a Saturday AVO, and I
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  Speaker 1: was exhausted from work and just not in the mindset
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  Speaker 1: for looking after my toddler, and I did not deal
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  Speaker 1: well with her oppositional behavior. She was defined I got angry.
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  Speaker 1: I yelled at her, I threatened her. Eventually I smacked
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  Speaker 1: her and threw.
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  Speaker 2: Her into her room onto her bed.
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  Speaker 1: I did it in a way that I knew that
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't going to hurt her, but I was so angry.
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  Speaker 1: I can't. I mean, seriously, who throws their daughter, right?
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  Speaker 1: But that was the level that I was at as
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  Speaker 1: a parent. I had no idea how to do parenting,
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  Speaker 1: and I was failing terribly. I shouted at her, I
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  Speaker 1: smacked her, I left her in a bedroom, slammed the door,
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  Speaker 1: and I went outside to calm down. As I stepped
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  Speaker 1: out onto the back porch, I overheard across the back
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  Speaker 1: fence and down the street adjacent to ours, somewhere in
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  Speaker 1: the neighborhood a father going through exactly what I'd just
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  Speaker 1: gone through. He was screaming at his title. The title
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  Speaker 1: was wailing at the top of his or her lungs,
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  Speaker 1: and I just knew that he was hitting her or
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  Speaker 1: him and hurting this baby. And it was like what
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  Speaker 1: I'd just done was reflected right back to me, and
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  Speaker 1: it felt sickening, and I just thought to myself, I've got.
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  Speaker 2: To do better at this.
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  Speaker 1: So I started to trying to learn all I could
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  Speaker 1: about parenting. Eventually, I actually said to my wife, I
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  Speaker 1: want to learn more about this parenting stuff, and I
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  Speaker 1: think I want to leave my radio career and learn
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  Speaker 1: how to do parenting better. I think I want to
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  Speaker 1: do a degree. And amazingly she said, okay, So here
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  Speaker 1: we are with two kids. I'd been almost a high
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  Speaker 1: school dropout, so I had to go and do an
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  Speaker 1: advanced applomer at Taife just so that I could actually
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  Speaker 1: get into university, and then I did a four year
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  Speaker 1: undergraduate degree in psychological science. I graduated with first class honors,
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  Speaker 1: which amazed me because I always thought I was kind
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  Speaker 1: of unintelligent. I still think I'm not the most intelligent
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  Speaker 1: guy on the block. But I worked really hard and
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  Speaker 1: somehow got the first class honors and was offered a
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  Speaker 1: range of PhD scholarships around the country from a handful
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  Speaker 1: of universities, and also got into a highly competitive master's
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  Speaker 1: program to become a psychologist. I ended up choosing the
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  Speaker 1: PhD at the University of Woollongong that I was offered,
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  Speaker 1: and three and a half years after that, I finally graduated,
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  Speaker 1: having earned a first class honors in psych science. And
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  Speaker 1: a PhD in psychology. In addition. Along the way during
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  Speaker 1: the degrees, Kylie and I had our third and fourth
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  Speaker 1: and fifth daughters, and at the time of recording this,
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  Speaker 1: we're recording this late July early August twenty fourteen. We've
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  Speaker 1: just had our sixth door and we absolutely adore our
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  Speaker 1: kids and parenting has changed enormously over the years as
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  Speaker 1: I've gone through those studies, worked at the university as
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  Speaker 1: a lecturer and a researcher, and now built my own
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  Speaker 1: business Happy Families.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so what else can I tell you?
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  Speaker 1: Professionally, I've done a lot of publishing of academic research
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  Speaker 1: and papers in peer reviewed books and journals. I write
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  Speaker 1: a weekly advice column for The Daily Telegraph. It's probably
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  Speaker 1: one of Australia's highest circulation newspapers on a Saturday. And
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  Speaker 1: I'm also the parenting expert for kidspot dot com dot Au,
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  Speaker 1: one of Australia's biggest parenting portals, as well as being
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  Speaker 1: the parenting expert for Channel Nine's Mornings and participating in
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  Speaker 1: parenting commentary on the Today Show, The Project and a
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  Speaker 1: handful of other radio stations and TV programs.
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  Speaker 2: Around the country.
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  Speaker 1: I reviewed content for the Australian Commonwealth Governments Raising Children Network.
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  Speaker 1: You've probably seen their website there. And I also act
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  Speaker 1: as a cyber safety advisor for the McAfee and Life
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  Speaker 1: Education b Cyberwise program and the Alanna and Maddelin Foundations
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  Speaker 1: Smart Homes Licensing System. And I'm an honorary Fellow at
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  Speaker 1: the University of Wollongong and a senior Associate with the
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  Speaker 1: Positive Psychology Institute. That's enough about me. I probably should
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  Speaker 1: tell you that away from work, I absolutely cherish my
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  Speaker 1: wife Kylie. She has been my supporters. I've moved around
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  Speaker 1: the country as a radio announcer and then as I've
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  Speaker 1: gone back to school and done all of this study
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  Speaker 1: and put my family through eight and a half years
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  Speaker 1: of poverty while I was a student, Kylie has been
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  Speaker 1: the most phenomenal support that any wife could be. And
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  Speaker 1: I think that I'll probably get Kylie in for one
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  Speaker 1: of these podcast episodes so that you can meet her
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  Speaker 1: and understand what she's like as a mum and a wife,
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  Speaker 1: because I think that she's a fantastic example and someone
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  Speaker 1: that you should get to know a little bit more so.
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  Speaker 1: As I said, we have six daughters. They give me
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  Speaker 1: endless opportunities to practice what I preach, and I cannot
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  Speaker 1: spend enough time with them and cuddle them enough. I'm
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  Speaker 1: a cycling fanatic. I love writing my pushbike whenever I
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  Speaker 1: get a spare minute, and a Sunday morning church goer.
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  Speaker 1: I'm an avid reader. I'm always reading about five books
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  Speaker 1: at once, and basically I'm a type A guy who's
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  Speaker 1: trying really hard to do more and really acts just
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  Speaker 1: that bit more as well. At the same time, it's
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  Speaker 1: not working very well at all. So that's my story.
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  Speaker 1: And now I think, let's talk about this podcast. What's
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  Speaker 1: it all about. If you followed it along at happy
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  Speaker 1: families dot com dot you or at my Happy Family's
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  Speaker 1: Facebook page, you'll pretty much see more of the same
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  Speaker 1: sort of content here. But I'm going to be fleshing
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  Speaker 1: ideas out a lot more because it's so much easier
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  Speaker 1: to talk than to type, and I can share with
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  Speaker 1: you and hopefully really drill down into the ideas that
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  Speaker 1: I can't always explore fully in a six hundred word blog.
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  Speaker 1: So that means that I'm going to be talking about
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  Speaker 1: parenting and children and child development and discipline and how
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  Speaker 1: to make your family happy and from time to time,
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  Speaker 1: I'll comment on current issues as well, so I plan
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  Speaker 1: on answering your questions. In fact, this is something that
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  Speaker 1: I'm really looking forward to in this podcast. I want
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  Speaker 1: this podcast to be built around your questions, and I'll
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  Speaker 1: tell you more about how that's going to work a
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  Speaker 1: little bit later. So let's get stuck into today's podcast,
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  Speaker 1: shall we. I'm really excited to share some ideas about
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  Speaker 1: how we can proactively set our family up to be happy,
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  Speaker 1: because it starts with the decisions that we make ahead
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  Speaker 1: of time as parents and actually planning to make a
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  Speaker 1: happy family. If you sit back and relax and wait
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  Speaker 1: for your family to get happy, it's probably not going
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  Speaker 1: to happen. You can't just drift into a happy family.
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  Speaker 1: You have to plan for it and make it happen.
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  Speaker 1: And while those best laid plans can come undone, when
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  Speaker 1: we're proactive, we can do a lot more with our
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  Speaker 1: families than we probably would be able to if we
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  Speaker 1: were simply reacting to whatever comes our way. So I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to share my seven tips for proactively making families
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  Speaker 1: happy right after this.
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  Speaker 3: We all love our children, but sometimes they can make
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  Speaker 3: life challenging, and we're all searching for the right answers.
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  Speaker 3: In the end, all we want is happy children and
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  Speaker 3: happy families. Doctor Justin Coulson is one of Australia's most
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  Speaker 3: respected parenting voices. His seminars equipped and empowered thousands of
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  Speaker 3: parents to make their families happier. But sometimes getting to
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  Speaker 3: a parenting seminar can be tough. Now you can watch
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  Speaker 3: one of doctor Justin's seminars from the comfort of your
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  Speaker 3: own home and at a time that works for you.
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  Speaker 4: In this seminar video available online now, you're invited to
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  Speaker 4: sit in on one of doctor Justin's parenting seminars as
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  Speaker 4: he takes you from confusion to clarity. Combining parenting research
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  Speaker 4: with heartfelt stories, you'll discover the three essential keys to
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  Speaker 4: raising a resilient child and creating a happy family. What
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  Speaker 4: your child needs from you from Doctor Justin Coulson at
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  Speaker 4: happy families dot com dot Au. Download this ninety minute
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  Speaker 4: seminar now or purchase the DVD at happy families dot
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  Speaker 4: com dot Au.
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  Speaker 1: Let's face it, as a society, we're pretty highly strung.
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  Speaker 1: Whatever you say to somebody, hey, hey, you going, the
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  Speaker 1: most common answer is I'm busy.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so flat out I'm under the pup I'm stressed.
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  Speaker 2: And while a select.
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  Speaker 1: Few have really got it together and they're relaxed and
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  Speaker 1: they're living those lives that everything seems perfectly balanced, the
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  Speaker 1: reality is that for most of us life is full on.
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  Speaker 1: Family life in particular is frantic, and we often don't
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  Speaker 1: feel like everything's under control of that much. I actually
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  Speaker 1: think that generally speaking, we're pretty reactive. We fly by
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  Speaker 1: the seat of our pants and we just respond to incidents,
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  Speaker 1: put out fires, scratch every itch, and we try to
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  Speaker 1: be everywhere for everyone at once. The problem, of course,
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  Speaker 1: as you know, with being reactive and responding to whatever
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  Speaker 1: comes our way, is that we struggle to fit in
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  Speaker 1: the really important stuff on a consistent basis. Because we're
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  Speaker 1: so busy responding to every emergency. To paraphrase a song,
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  Speaker 1: we end up giving the least to those who matter
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  Speaker 1: most and sharing our best with those that really aren't
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  Speaker 1: that close, which is hardly a recipe for a happy family.
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  Speaker 1: The thing is, strong families don't happen by accident. They're
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  Speaker 1: actually the product of consistent, proactive efforts on the part
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  Speaker 1: of mum and dad, on the part of parents who
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  Speaker 1: make the family a priority. And I know that this
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  Speaker 1: is so hard because life really does get in the
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  Speaker 1: way of having the life that we want. But when
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  Speaker 1: we plan for a happy family, when we put certain
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  Speaker 1: big rocks in place, and then put all the little
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  Speaker 1: rocks around that can fit the big things in, it's
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  Speaker 1: just something that requires proactivity. And I was having a
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  Speaker 1: chat with a friend of mine about this idea. He's
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  Speaker 1: a guy with six kids. All but the youngest have
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  Speaker 1: grown up. His youngest is in his mid teens now,
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  Speaker 1: but the rest of them have grown up and left
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  Speaker 1: the nest. And we came up with seven habits for
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  Speaker 1: proactive parenting to make our families stronger and happier. So Carl,
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  Speaker 1: thanks for your ideas, and here they are with a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of a happy Famili's justin calls some twist
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  Speaker 1: have a number one. A family focus is imperative. Do
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  Speaker 1: you know what your family's really about? It sounds very corporate,
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  Speaker 1: this idea of maybe having a family mission statement or
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  Speaker 1: family guiding principles or something like that. But if we
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  Speaker 1: don't have clear objectives or goals for our family, what
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  Speaker 1: are we really working towards. We need to know where
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  Speaker 1: we're going. We don't just get in the car and
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  Speaker 1: start driving, Well, kids, where should we go today? We
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  Speaker 1: actually know where we're going before we get in the car,
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  Speaker 1: and I think we need to know the same thing
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  Speaker 1: with our family. I love that scene in Alice in Wonderland.
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  Speaker 1: Alis's conversing with the Cheshire cat and she says to
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  Speaker 1: the cat, would you please tell me which way I
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  Speaker 1: ought to go from here? And the cat responds, well,
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  Speaker 1: that depends a good deal on where you want to go,
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  Speaker 1: And Alice says, I don't much care where, and the
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  Speaker 1: cat responds, well, then it doesn't matter which way you go.
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  Speaker 1: So our families tried a variety of things over the years,
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  Speaker 1: and we've had mixed success. I've got to be honest,
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  Speaker 1: I really don't like the idea of sitting down and
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  Speaker 1: writing a family mission statement. It becomes this thing on
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  Speaker 1: paper that sits on the fridge that everybody stops looking
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  Speaker 1: at after a week and we forget what it's all
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  Speaker 1: about anyway.
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  Speaker 2: But one thing that has really stuck with.
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  Speaker 1: Us is guiding principles in our family. We've come up
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  Speaker 1: with four principles that we try to use as guiding
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  Speaker 1: principles in all of our interactions. Those guiding principles are kindness, respect, gratitude,
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  Speaker 1: and service. I know it sounds a bit like a
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  Speaker 1: lot of schools have got their guiding principles, but it's
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  Speaker 1: not lip service.
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  Speaker 2: The more you integrate it, the better the results.
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  Speaker 1: And so we talk a lot about kindness and respect
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  Speaker 1: and gratitude and service. We pull stories out of the media,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: maybe little things that pop up on Facebook. We talk
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  Speaker 1: about them all the time. When incidents happen at home,
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  Speaker 1: we talk about whether it was kind or not and
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  Speaker 1: what we could do to have more kindness. Now, it
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  Speaker 1: doesn't make for perfect kids, but what we have found
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  Speaker 1: is that it makes a really big difference. So whether
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  Speaker 1: or not you want to put together a mission statement,
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  Speaker 1: a manifesto, or guiding principles, regardless of what you want
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  Speaker 1: to call it, proactive parents know what their family is about,
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  Speaker 1: and they work towards it, and they put things on
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  Speaker 1: paper to actually make this stuff happen. Hab At number
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  Speaker 1: two is having a parent's retreat. Proactive parents take regular
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  Speaker 1: retreats with one another without the kids if they can,
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  Speaker 1: for two reasons. First of all, it rejuvenates your relationship
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  Speaker 1: and it re establishes those strong connections within the couple. Relationship.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 1: I know that not everybody can do this, but if
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  Speaker 1: you are in a couple relationship, this is so important.
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  Speaker 2: It allows for intimacy without.
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  Speaker 1: The kids as well the threat that a child might
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  Speaker 1: walk in and disturb you at a sensitive moment.
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  Speaker 2: But it also provides a.
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  Speaker 1: Chance to refocus on priorities and plan for family needs.
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  Speaker 1: I recently spoke with a dad who described how he
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  Speaker 1: and his wife would disappear for two or three days
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: once or twice a year as their children grew up.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: And they spent time together as a couple.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: One of those days, they worked through a very serious
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  Speaker 1: agenda that was written out ahead of time, planning around
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  Speaker 1: their family and.
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  Speaker 2: Other aspects of the lives.
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  Speaker 1: They'd actually talk about each child and what they could
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  Speaker 1: do to guide and help that child during the coming months,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: and they considered that child's needs, a child's progress, what
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  Speaker 1: was going well, where they could make changes to help
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  Speaker 1: that child do better, and they did that for each
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: of their children. Kylie and I have a commitment to
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  Speaker 1: getting away for a night, just one night every three months.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: And I know that not everyone can do this, but
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  Speaker 1: be creative and come up with ideas. Perhaps you can
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  Speaker 1: get parents involved for a night. Maybe you can tag
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: team with another couple and you can say, well, we'll
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: look after your kids on this weekend, if you can
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: look after our kids on that weekend. Or perhaps you
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: can do it on the cheap. Maybe house swap with
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: your babysitter, house swap with your parents.
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  Speaker 2: Just go to a new environment.
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  Speaker 1: If money is lacking and you can't afford hotels and things,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: but get away on a parent's retreat once every three months,
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  Speaker 1: just overnight or for a couple of nights, if you
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  Speaker 1: can have a number three.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Take regular family holidays now.
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  Speaker 1: They don't need to be expensive, they just need to
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  Speaker 1: be about time together. A lot of people see school
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  Speaker 1: holidays as this logistical challenge, what am I going to
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  Speaker 1: do with the children? But most of us, especially if
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  Speaker 1: we've got full time work, get and you will leave.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: If you get four weeks of holiday a year, take
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: a week off each holiday. It can be done. It
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  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be costly. Just get away with the
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  Speaker 1: family for a week. In our family, we try to
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: have one camping break each year. We try to have
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  Speaker 1: two holidays at home that are just having fun. I'll
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: take a week off work, We'll go to the beach
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  Speaker 1: where the kids we'll go for bike rides and we
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  Speaker 1: simply let go of our agenda for a week, and
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  Speaker 1: then we try to have one holiday a year where
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  Speaker 1: we actually go somewhere. We don't always get it just right,
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  Speaker 1: but that's what our goal is. Four holidays, one camping,
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  Speaker 1: two at home, and one actually go going away for
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: a big holiday if we can have it. Number four
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  Speaker 1: have family dinners. Proactively plan for family dinners. Regular family dinners,
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  Speaker 1: research tells us lead to family satisfaction, lead to stability,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: lead to positive outcomes for our children. Families do best
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: when there's time set aside every day or at least
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: several times a week, when everyone's together and everyone's connecting.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: There's stacks of research. It may not actually be the
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: food and sitting down and having a family dinner that
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: makes this work. It's probably more about what families are
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: doing when they're at dinner. But sitting down and having
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: a family dinner several times a week every night if
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: you can, is a proactive thing that you can do
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: to make your family happier. Have it. Number five put
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: your devices away. Proactive parents have boundaries around when and
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: where the internet and electronic devices are going to be
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: used and they stick with them. And those boundaries are
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: not just for the kids, Mum and dad, they're for
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: us as well, because proactive parents know that time with
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: family means time spend talking and being attentive and looking
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: at someone and making eye contact and being present with them.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: So a couple of ideas, maybe you can have a
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: phone stack, or everyone just puts their phones on top
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: of each other, plugs them into the charger and leaves
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: them alone during family meals or during family time. There
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: was a recent study in fact, that showed that the
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: quality of our interactions is rated as lower when a
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: phone is present, even if it's not being used, if
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: we've just got it on the table, or if we've
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: got in our lap or in our hand, the quality
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: of our interactions is reduced. So put the devices away
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: and make your family happier. Have at number six weekend time.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Taking time to recharge our own batteries and spend quality
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: time outdoors, having nature time with the kids builds our
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: family relationships. But we've got to be proactive about it
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: because it's so easy to just drift into the weekend,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: sleep in, get up tied to the house if it
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: wash the car over the lawn, hang out some washing,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: maybe do a bit of shopping. We've got to be
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: proactive about it. And if we're proactive about it, we
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: might just take a trip to a nearby park. We
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: might go down to the beach, or go for a
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: hike in the nearby hills or mountains or whatever we've
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: got nearby. Maybe we'll go for a bike ride. But
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: be proactive for at least part of the weekend. We
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: don't have to absolutely get lost for the entire weekend,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: but be proactive for at least part of the weekend
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: and happen at number seven. This is a really interesting
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: one that this friend Carl suggested to me, and it
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: was one that I've heard before and I've started doing
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: with my family, and it's made a really big difference.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Interviews interviews with your kids. Some of the most proactive
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: parents that I've spoken with have a time once a
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: month to have a one on one interview with their
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: children and they talk about challenges, they teach principles, they
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: get into the detail of their kids' lives, and they
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: stay close to their kids. As I mentioned, we've started
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: doing it with our children, and our children absolutely love it.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: It's really concentrated time. It's one on one time. We
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: get into the detail of their lives and we find
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: out amazing things.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Plus we get to ask how we're.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Doing and how our children would run the family differently,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: which is always eye opening. It always teaches us some
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: pretty remarkable things. Okay, So these ideas require effort. That's
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: what being proactive is. We make a choice to be
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: active participants in our lives and in our children's lives
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: rather than being passive and reactive. Let me share with
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: you a bonus idea as well. Our church recommends that
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: we set aside one night each week as a designated
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: family night. No screens, just family time together. So in
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: our family, we talk about the principles that we think matter.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: We've got a Christian faith, so we often talk about
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: things that are in the scriptures. We share stories that
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: are faith promoting. But we also play games and we
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: have some kind of treat and we just have this
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: dedicated family time. It's a terrific way for us to
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: spend time together. And that's a bonus idea that I
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: think can help to have a proactive family. Reactive parenting
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: only requires that we respond to emergencies or we respond
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: to responsibilities.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: As they come up.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: But reactive parenting doesn't build real lifelationships or memories, certainly
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: not the kind that we want to build. Strong families
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: require us to be disciplined, to be consistent, and to
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: have a commitment to putting our family first, particularly when
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: life is intense and challenging or even out of control.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: And let's face it, for some of us it really
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: can be. I think that one of the greatest predictors
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: of our children's success and well being is the quality
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: of their relationship with their parents. So these strategies are
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: all based around time together, are proactive ideas that can
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: help make families stronger and happier.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: So here's a question that I want to leave you with.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Is we wrap up this.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Segment, what one proactive habit or idea do you think
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: is important to make your family happy? How do you
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: make it happen? How do you be proactive in your family?
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Can you leave your answer at happy families dot com
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: dot I use slash one as in the number one
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Happy families dot com dot I use slash one. Just
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: scroll down to the bottom of the notes there and
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: there's a place to leave your comments and any questions
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: that you've got as well. I would love to hear
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: from you and get some conversation going around this idea
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: of being proactive in our family. And up next I'll
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: talk to you about how perhaps I can help you.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: Your conference is about to start. I wonder what's going
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: to happen next. Perhaps you're worried about the guest speakers.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: What will they say? Will it be appropriate, relevant, up
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: to date? Is it going to be boring? You want
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: people to come to you at the end of the
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: day and say, wow, thanks for organizing today. I took
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: so much away from the conference. Doctor Justin Coulson can help.
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: He provides keynote speeches from thirty minutes to an hour
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: and a half, workshops from ninety minutes to half days,
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: and even day long seminars. If you'd like to learn
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: more about getting a speaker will help your audience learn, laugh,
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: and leave with practical tools that will empower them to
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: be better parents. Visit happy Families dot com dot au
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: for more information about booking Doctor Justin Coulson as a
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: speaker at your next conference.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: So each week during this podcast, I'm going to be
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: doing what I can to answer your parenting questions if
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with issues with the kids or if you're
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: dealing with issues in your parenting Got a happy fanamilies
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: dot com dot u slash questions. That's happy families dot
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: com dot I u slash questions and leave me a
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: voicemail or you can leave me a written response as well.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Let me know briefly what your question is. I'll answer
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: one or two, depending on how many we've got time for,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: maybe even three each week in the podcast. Unfortunately, because
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I've spent so much time sharing so many tips today
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: and also getting to know you a little bit or
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: helping you to get to know me a little bit,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I won't be answering any today, but i'd love your questions.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I've already got a bit of a stockpile ready to
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: go from people who have been asking questions. But just
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: go to happy families dot com dot au slash questions
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: and I would love to respond to as many of
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: your questions as I can. You can leave a voicemail
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: message there, or you can email me with your questions.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: That's happy families dot com dot au slash questions. The
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: last thing that I'm going to share with you Today
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: is my tip of the week, and I'll share that
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: with you right after this.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: Have you been waiting to attend one of doctor Justin
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: Coulson's parenting workshops, but so far your schedules simply haven't aligned.
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: But let him come to you. You can have one
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: of Australia's most respected parenting experts in your loundroom. Learn
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: how to build a strong connection with your children, how
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: to really understand them, and how to discipline them in
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: ways that teach and that everyone can feel good about. Plus,
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: you can have all your parenting questions answered without even
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: leaving your loundroom. Organize some friends and enjoy an intimate,
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: thought provoking fun evening in with a parenting expert in
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: your loundroom. Visit happy families dot com dot au, forward
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: slash loundroom, or email Kylie at Happyfamilies dot com dot
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Au for more information.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: So each week my plan is to bring you a
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Tip of the week, something that will be helpful for
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: you and your family, something really simple that you can
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: do to make things work better, or to make better decisions,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: or whatever it might be. This week, I want to
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: tell you about a couple of really great online resources
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: to help you to work out whether or not a
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: movie or a book or a TV show that your
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: kids want to watch your read is okay. Two websites,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: CommonSenseMedia dot com and kid in Mind dot com. They're
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: great resources. They give you a really good overview of
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: the content that's in these things that our kids want
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: to be involved with and help us to understand whether
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: or not we should be saying okay or whether we
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: should suggest that they maybe wait another year or two
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: before they get stuck into it. I also heard about
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: another one this week that I haven't checked out, called
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: It's okay dot com. So that's kids in Mind dot com,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: common Sense Media dot com and It's okay dot com
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: some ideas for whether or not giving you some input
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: as to whether or not certain movies, TV shows or
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: books are going to be okay for your children at
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: the age that they are right now.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Well, that's about it for today.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: If you have any questions, once again, go to Happy
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Families dot com dot I use slash questions and I'll
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: do my very best to answer those questions in an
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: upcoming podcast. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please go
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: to Happy Families dot com dot I use slash podcast
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: slash one. You can get the outline and the resource
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: links for the show notes there. That's Happy for Families
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: dot com dot. I use slash podcast slash.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: One as in the number one.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: And if you think that the podcast has been useful,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: if you've enjoyed it, what I'd be most grateful for
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: is this, if you could visit that link Happy families
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: dot com dot. I use slash podcast slash one as
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: in the number one. And once you're there, you'll be
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: able to link and share everything about this podcast with
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: your friends and followers on Facebook and Twitter. And I'd
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: be even more grateful if you'd not only share it
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: that way, but if you'd rate the podcast on iTunes,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Because it's your ratings that actually determine how likely this
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: is that people are going to discover the podcast. The
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: ratings that you make will increase.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: How visible the podcast is.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Other people will be able to find out about it,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: and hopefully they'll also get value from it as you
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: hopefully have, and make their families happier. So, if this
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: podcast is valuable to you, and hopefully it's going to
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: be valuable to you and everyone else, please visit iTunes
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: rate the podcast share it.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: That would be awesome.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: And of course while you're in iTunes, you can subscribe
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: to the podcast as well.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Well, that's it for this week. I'll have another podcast
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: ready to go next week.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Until then, remember that you don't have to be the
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: best parent in the world. You just have to be
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: the best parent in your children's world. So go and
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: make your family happy.