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Tia Graham: Lead Bold, Live Happy- The Science of Happiness at Work · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Today I have Tia Graham.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: She is a best-selling author, keynote and TED speaker and founder of the Calm Working Moms Collective and the book Arrive at Happy.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: She has certifications in applied neuroscience, positive psychology coaching and is a certified chief happiness officer.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: She led sales teams for 14 years in luxury hotels in the US and Europe.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Her best-selling book, be a Happy Leader, teaches her eight-step methodology to drive business results and creates a happy, high-performing team.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Her research and experiences prove that it is possible to overcome the challenges of balancing your career and parenting and find a path to inner peace and happiness.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having me.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad to be here.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so Arrive at Happy is really your website.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Let me just correct myself right there.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: So the key thing around your book is be a happy leader, so definitely a thread of happiness throughout.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm excited to have you on the Bold Lounge and to be able to connect with you and learn more about what does being bold have to do with being happy?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: In my experience, I think I've seen definitely there is a connection, but not everyone has had maybe the opportunity to be bold yet, or maybe in the sense of just even seeing what happy means.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: But let's just start off with what bold means to you.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: If you had to define bold in your world, what would you define it?
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: as so bold to me and in my world is living authentically connected to my values and following my passions and my heart, and I'll throw in try to make the world a better place.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: All right, why not Right?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: You know that's always a good thing to throw in.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Let's throw that in.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: We need it yeah.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: So living authentically connected to your values and following your passions and your interests.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So when you think about those being bold moves, certainly I think not everybody understands that actually being yourself, truly yourself, which is authenticity, is a bold move.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of the times I think we, you know, we try to form and we try to norm and we try to fit in, or whatever you name it, throughout our lives I certainly have done that here and there and I think being connected to and what I think you know also is alignment to your values right, you know, that's for me, when I got burnt out was when I was so misaligned with my values.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: So when your values right, you know, that's for me, when I got burnt out was when I was so misaligned with my values.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So when your experience, what's the time where you were able to do the trifecta, where you were living authentically connected to your values and following your passions and, for a bonus, making the world a better place?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's really when I made the bold decision to leave my corporate career and to start my company Arrive at Happy and the value.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Well, there are several values, but a big one was family, which we were talking about before we hit record was wanting more time with my family, but, to be honest, it was very, very scary for me because so much of my identity was wrapped up in being a director of sales and marketing in the luxury hotel industry and I felt really scared to leave that to make the change.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Yet, once I did it, there was this massive shift inside of me where I felt truly aligned and, of course, all the fear of the change just dissipated and I was like no, this absolutely was the right choice.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so leading up to that choice.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: So when you left this lovely career obviously very successful, doing your thing, able to interact, and, you know, maybe it had some great perks and you know, and things like that when you were working up to that decision, what were some of the things that went through your mind?
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: What did you go through, like, what was your process I created?
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: So, when I left my corporate role, I didn't have a lead up to, so to speak, it was not very, it was not very long, it was about a month of like I can't really find another job somewhere else, so I'm going to have to make a decision here, and so it was still thoughtful and pragmatic, but it wasn't a long lead up.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but not saying that yours was either.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: But I didn't have a process and that's how I created the bold framework, which really was like you know, it's the leap and the net will appear type of moment.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Was, you know, part of the things that appeared for me was that framework for you?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Like, what did you do to go through the process of that decision?
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Cause it's a big one, yes, yes.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: So, to be very honest, I was experiencing a lot of emotional and psychological pain with having a toddler and a brand new baby and missing so much.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: And I went back, you know, at three months or three and a half months, et cetera, and I was and I'm pre-kids a very positive, optimistic person.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely genetically predisposed and it, you know, my world was upside down and I was.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I was so unhappy, loved my career, loved being a mom, but you know, just all of it together I was in such pain that I hadn't experienced before as an adult, and so I knew that I needed to make change, because I didn't want to keep feeling the way I was feeling, because I knew what happy and content and positive felt like.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: And so my process was I actually hired a business life coach that came highly recommended to me and started very, very.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I started talking to her about my big vision and my dreams and this crazy idea that I had to start a happiness company and just going through all these different things.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: So that that was the process.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: But from when I first started, you know, working with her, until when I actually left my corporate job it was close to two years.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: So my it was.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: There was definitely some runway where I was building things, creating things.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Then I started edge like getting certifications, yeah, which I highly recommend.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I definitely don't recommend doing what I did.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I think that's probably the shorter end of being able to plan, but I love.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: So you got thoughtful.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: One thing you did which I just want to underscore is like you didn't feel like you had to do it alone.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: So you got a coach and you pick the right one for the right time.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Right, because we all have coaches at different points in our lives or I highly encourage it based on your evolution.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: And then you knew what happy felt like and you knew you wanted to give back to it right and one of the ways was to even create your own space or your own company, whether it be full-time or part-time.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: You just knew that was part of the happiness equation for you.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I'll say other parts were going through my mind, like I was thinking I could be a consultant for hotels, but my heart kept pulling me towards this new venture, which was Arrival Happy.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: So, yes, absolutely, and I will say that it wasn't that immediately.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: It was like, oh, the fear was.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Once I started working out, fear is gone, like I can do this.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: It was a process of action and belief, but definitely having the coach that I talked to every two weeks, that was putting so much wind in my sails and was inspiring me so much, I don't think I would have taken me longer, I think, if I didn't have that support.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I think you would have done it, but it would have taken longer.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: And I think it's likely.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: You know, maybe you know more trial and error, because that's always, in general, part of the process, but I think when we have someone maybe as our docent or someone helping us along, it's helpful and they could be, for, you know, one session, three sessions, six sessions every two weeks, whatever.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Three sessions, six sessions every two weeks, whatever.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Again, alignment with who you are.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one of the things you said I think you know of of like making the decision and I've been having a lot of conversations around this, with my second book coming up, which is about bold leadership, particularly around trusting your gut versus data or logic and I would love just to hear your, what was your kind of?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: It was 60% gut and 40% data, or it was a 50, 50 kind of like when you made the decision finally to this is the date this is when I'm going to start arrive at happy how much was your gut involved in that decision?
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: That's a great question.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: No one's ever asked me that specifically about this before and I want to say it was like 80, 20, like my gut and my heart and my soul knew mine was like 99.01.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, where it was like it became.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you've heard of this book, the crossroads of should and must, where the world, there's all these shoulds, right, you should do this, you should do this, and someone gave me that book around that time and really it's about what must you do?
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Shut out the world, shut out, like what your family thinks or you know, these different opinions or these societal expectations, and it comes back to living authentically.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I would say it was definitely heavy, but I did prepare and I, you know, I had my whole business plan.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I had there was, and I, you know, I had an old business plan.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I had there was definitely some you know, yeah, it wasn't all just like, oh, I just know it'll work out.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I think that's a myth of being bold, cause I mean, obviously this was a bold move for you on a lot of levels, but the myth of being bold is that it is not thoughtful.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: It is, you know, just leaping and not even looking.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: But it's very pragmatic and you've had, you know, a two year lead up, it sounds like, and you know a lot of things that you were testing and checking and learning about, but your gut was still like, yes, you're on the right path, keep going.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've always used my emotional, psychological state as a compass.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, tell me about that.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how do I feel?
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: So I think I mean I'm 45.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: I would say for the majority of my life I've been very in tune with how I feel, how I want to feel, mental and emotional, and so having that balance of taking action, and then that that time where you're reflecting and connecting to, is this decision or this move helping me feel how I want to feel and think how I want to think, or is it doing the opposite and just just really staying connected to that?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, understanding that your mental health is something that we have to take charge of as well as we need to track it and check in on it and nurture it.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes we think a lot about physical health, and that's important as well, but I think sometimes we may push it back or just think, be more resilient or get over it, or it's never.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: You know, whatever people do to try to cope through those moments.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: But you got to come back to it because ultimately, it is going to not be healthy if you're not paying attention to it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: So I love that you intentionally like it sounds like a very intentional pulse that you have on like this is not okay to feel this way, right, yeah, so I think that's really, really important for people to hear too.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: That's part of our health and we shouldn't push it to the back burner or think it's just going to get better on its own without some change, right?
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, just like your physical health, absolutely.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so how did you come up with a title?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: So your business is called Arrive at Happy.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: You have a membership the Calm Working Moms Collective, and then you have your book Be a Happy Leader.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: So happy is the string of your ecosystem of thought leadership, and you have a TED Talk.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: So, when did the TED Talk happen?
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Did that happen before or after your launch of your business?
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: It happened after.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: So I launched my business in 2017 and book came out 2021.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: And then my Ted talk came out 2022.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: I think I get those dates right.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: There's there's COVID in there, so there's, there's some blur, yeah.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I started off speaking.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: That's really been the majority of of my business has been doing keynotes, doing leadership development programs, et cetera.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: And I am obsessed with books.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: I'm an avid reader.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: I buy more books than I can read always, and also read a lot, and I knew that I wanted to write a book and I'd actually like to write many books, and so I actually was at an event and met this awesome book coach and that's how I started working on my first one.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: So when I was a leader of teams, I was asked on a regular basis by the owners of the hotels or the general managers or people on my sales and marketing team how do you stay so happy, how are you this positive leader, even when there's massive challenges?
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: And I knew that part of it was who I am authentically, and I know that's also choices that I make the agency.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: And so just in being in the hotel industry, I saw so much opportunity for people to be happier leaders and create happier teams, and so that was the book.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so they saw it in you right, so they could see that you were, you had some strategy or you had some way of being that was different from maybe the majority of people who are in this particular industry.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: You know, because I think it is a choice, right, our mindset, the way we approach challenges or problems, the way that we approach our stress like it's all a choice and on some days it's easier than others.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Absolutely yeah.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: This is not about everyday being yeah, this is not about everyday being yeah.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: You're still human, right, you know so.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: You saw that, and that was something that extrapolated into arrive at happy, right.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: And what's the?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: When I hear arrive at happy, it means there's a journey, there's some type of traveling I'm doing.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: So tell me, did that come into the sense of the title as well?
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: So when I was creating a vision and really thinking about what this, my overall company, could be, I knew it had to have the word happy in it, and my goal with the title was inspiring people that it, for one, this is possible, that it's not like you know you have it or you don't, that this is possible and and the science of happiness proves it, and that it is a journey and that it is something that you, the goal is you arrive at as much as possible each day.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: And also you know when you're, when you're old and you're reflecting back on your life, that you could think, yeah, overall, I arrived at happy and so, yeah, that's how that's all.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: The title came and then the acronym is ah, which is sort of the you know what I was thinking of?
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: It, the two.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: It could be like ah, like when you're so happy, you're excited, you've just crushed your goal or you know, gone on a great vacation, whatever's meaning that, and it's also the like of that groundedness and contentment also.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: I love that when you think about your background.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: So you have, you know, certifications in neuroscience, positive psychology, coaching and a certified chief happiness officer.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: So you'll have to tell me what that is first.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: How do all those things play into your work, your book, your talks, your speaking and your membership?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: But first tell me what's a chief happiness officer?
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: So the Scandinavians are significantly ahead of the rest of the world in terms of happiness and well-being at work.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: So I was following a lot of what CEOs and leaders were doing in Scandinavia as I was researching for my company and there's an organization there that has been doing happiness at work, consulting and work for several decades and so I saw that they had this certification program.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: So I immediately signed up, got on a plane, went to Denmark because the Scandinavians are significantly happier while they're working than North Americans, and so I spent a week learning from these Scandinavian business experts, as well as meeting with Danish CEOs that were running huge companies and learning and understanding how they consistently have high job satisfaction scores, engagement scores, low turnover all these business metrics that any for-profit organization or any organization would want and also just really getting inspired by the potential, because the scores in the United States and this was pre-COVID are really really low and we keep going in the wrong direction.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: So that was the certification program, and then basically kept doing continuing education virtually with this organization and had, where it was, connected to all these other CHOs from around the globe that were doing work in different countries and sharing best practices, sharing research tools for teams, et cetera.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: So that's the chief happiness officer and there is a certification in the United States through a university in Florida now, but I really wanted to go to Scandinavia to learn from them I say go to the source right.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Go to the source.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like these people are real happy at work.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: What's going on over there?
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: What's?
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: going on over there.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Plus, it's got to be beautiful as well.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, definitely I would like I could.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I could live in Copenhagen.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: What's one thing like you know, or a few factoids, or something you can throw at us just from the neuroscience perspective, or the chief happiness?
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: What are some key things that we may not know or have not heard, maybe in the same way that you share them?
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Something that really stuck with me in terms of.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I'll give maybe a couple for leadership and then a couple on personal happiness.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: So on the leadership side, the executives in Scandinavia are acutely aware of who is the most important in the organization.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: They are aware that people working in the let's call it front of the house or frontline you know, the, if you want to call it, hourly employees are the most important because they are working with the customers or, you know, doing things in the back of the house, etc.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: And so there's an extreme respect.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: It's a very light manpower at the executive level.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: It's not, it's not top heavy, and whenever they're going to make big decisions or they want to make changes, they go talk to these people and say this isn't working, or this customer score is low or we're having turnover, and that's where they go get their information.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: So there's not this psychology of worthy executives we know the most, we are the smartest and there isn't strategies and processes pushed down from people like in the high, mighty tower.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: It's like they know and go you're the most important.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: What do we need to change?
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: What do we need to do?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: So that's one for sure.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Another is the respect and understanding about how important people's personal lives are and that you don't get the best out of people by working them to death.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: So, for example, the average work week is 37 and a half hours a week.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: It's going to even spend a significant amount of time with their sports, their friends doing sport, mothers and parents get to spend a lot of time with their children, and their productivity is not super low.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: It doesn't Right wisdom that human brains are going to be more creative and innovative and better at teamwork, et cetera, if they're well in their personal life, also In terms of personal being and happiness.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: So, oh gosh, there's so many.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: One that pops in that I wish I learned when I was a teenager, but I learned about it in my forties is the science of self-compassion.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: So this is the research of Dr Kristen Neff, and humans are very critical of themselves, are very hard on themselves, and unfortunately, this affects our relationships, our health, our work performance and, of course, our happiness.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: If you have this voice in your head that's always saying you're not doing good enough, or you should be doing more, or you just made that big mistake, et cetera, it really, really hurts us, and so the science of self-compassion is about understanding that all humans are the same.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: We are all hard on ourselves.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: All humans are the same.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: We are all hard on ourselves.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: We are all self-critical.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: That's common humanity.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: It's also about having a mindfulness practice, meditating on a regular basis and so you can start to notice how you think, how you talk to yourself, how that makes you feel.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: And then the third pillar of self-compassion, which for me is the most valuable, is self-kindness Talking to yourself, the way that you talk to your best friend, and I have been practicing this.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: Now I'm on my fourth year.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: I'm living proof like I have changed my neural pathways so that I, on a daily basis, on an hourly basis, I talk to myself better than my best friend talks to me.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: I'm my biggest cheerleader.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: When I make mistakes, I our membership and I think, across the bold, community.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: It's easier said than done for yourself versus others, and I think a lot of people can probably agree to that who are listening.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: A lot of my listeners are women leaders across industries and have so much going on and we expect so much of ourselves.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: We're ambitious, but we also should give ourselves some grace, so I love that there's neuroscience connected to it when it comes to self-compassion and kindness for ourselves.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I love that.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Scandinavian Sea Wellness is 24 seven.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: It's not just you know, it's not just something you do on weekends or when you go to the spa, but it's you know.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: You become a basically a great leader through understanding that you have to be you know, taking care of yourself just at the basic needs of a human being, which is friendships, relationships, exercise, sport, being outside, all those things.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I want to say that.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: So at Oxford University there is a wellbeing center and they're the leading researchers on the connection between happiness and work and happiness and organizational success.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: And many people, me included, can get caught in this trap where you think if I just work more, then I'm going to be more successful and then I'll be happier.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Well, if I just get these more clients, or I get this title, or I can go on this many vacations, Like, I'll be happier and then I'll start taking care of myself.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: But the science is the opposite.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: The science has proven that when you are happy and well, you are gonna be more successful.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: The chances that you're gonna receive an accolade or get promoted are four times more.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: You're gonna sell more, You're gonna be more innovative, You're gonna have a better team, et cetera.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: And organizations that have happy employees, where there's manageable levels of stress and their employees feel connected to purpose.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: There's a chart and they did this with Indeed.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: They did over 1,600 publicly held companies Companies with happy employees significantly outperform the S&P 500, like by a lot.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: And so in this time where a lot of things are being cut and you know because and I've been asked this on a regular basis, like does happiness belong in work?
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Like it sounds very soft and I'm a sales and marketing executive, Like I care about results as much as I care about happiness and the science is there.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: So you think it's think it's that understanding that it's not one or the other, it's not like oh, happiness or success.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you define the word happy in your world?
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: So in my world, which is positive psychology, it is about having more positive emotions than painful emotions.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's also about having meaning and purpose in your life and it's also about having different experiences that make you psychologically rich.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: So, in the short, it's, you know, more positive than pain, meaning and purpose and different experiences that really make you wiser.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, create something new in you in some form or fashion.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, I love that.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I love that definition.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: So so tell us a little bit about your book.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: So, be a happy leader.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: What does it teach us and what do you, and why did you write this particular book?
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, so I had one particular leader in mind when I was writing this book, of course hoping it would help lots of leaders, but I had one in mind when I wrote it, and the reason I wrote it is because leaders have such a tremendous impact on people, whether you're leading one person or you're leading 100,000.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: And in my career I had some incredible inspirational leaders that completely motivated me to go beyond what I thought of myself.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: And then I also worked for the opposite.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I worked for people who made people unhappy, made people want to quit, made people really, really miserable.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: And so the research shows that leaders not only impact their direct reports, they impact their direct reports, families.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: So if you have an unhappy leader that's going home, that's like affecting children in the homes, which really it's like it's this massive societal ripple effect.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: So, in addition to my work experience of having both of these types of leaders and then going to the world happiness summit, learning all about the science of happiness, of thinking you know what leaders need the science of happiness, because being a leader is a very challenging job, and so the book is inspiring and teaching leaders how to increase their happiness, based on positive psychology and the neuroscience of happiness.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: What can you do?
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Because you can't expect to have a happy, high-performing team, you can't expect to have happy customers, if you're not well.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: So that's part of the book.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: And then the other part of the book is about okay, you're taking care of yourself.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: That's the foundation.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Now, how can you increase and sustain a happy team?
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: And a lot of that is from what I learned about over in Scandinavia also what the science was saying and my own experience as well.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: And yeah, we, we just spend so much time working and I never wanted if I, if I could be this ripple effect of.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I didn't want people to feel the way I felt when I had leaders.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: That made me really, really unhappy.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet, a lot of the times people don't think, like of the impact of I'm working with, you know, a particular employee or someone on my team, and the ripple effect of what you do and then how that impacts them when they go home, right, you know.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: So I think just bringing awareness to that up to the top, I think is important, and it sounds like your book really is twofold starting with yourself, because if you are not happy yourself, you're not going to be a happy leader.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: And so being able to understand the ripple effect of that, in addition to understanding you need to start with yourself, and it's really really important and sometimes maybe the opposite of what people think leading is when it comes to that particular topic, right, yeah, and of course it's no fault like this is not well, it is now.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: This didn't used to be taught in business schools, so now Dr Arthur books is at Harvard business school right, teaching happiness, you can, you.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: You know there are a class at Yale.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: It's in the Ivy leagues now, but it's certainly not across.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: You know different management schools and everything you're taught about how to drive results, read the PNL, et cetera.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: All these very important things.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's definitely getting more airtime than it has in the past.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: It's still not getting enough as it should.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, what I would say.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that understanding that what drives our behavior is our emotions, and so we really want to have as much positive emotions at work as we can.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: We want our team to feel those positive emotions.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and understand where they're coming from too, like the underneath of them as well.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, I love that.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: So when you think about things that you've done with your book and then your your now membership, so the calm working moms collective, tell me a little bit about how that was created.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Through you know again the ecosystem of how you've evolved, the things you've created and and now you have a membership, particularly for moms to stay calm.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: It sounds like.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, they're working moms.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, so the through line is the science of happiness.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: It's been in everything that I, everything I've done and I will.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: I'm really obsessed with the, with the research, the new research every year that comes out.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like the world needs this more than ever, and I need it.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: And so I really felt called to create a community for working moms, because being a working mom has been the most beautiful yet challenging journey for me.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: My older daughter will turn 11 this summer and, as I said, she's autistic and she also has a rare nervous system disability.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: And, in addition to working on myself to be happy for myself and be happy as a mom, I've also learned a lot about self-compassion and also learned I've been on a healing journey to really be regulated, because my daughter will have well you know, her nervous system will get dysregulated and I wanted to create a space where working moms could be inspired and learn how to be happier and how to be calmer on the inside right With their nervous system, and also to create a calm space for their families and to create a space where they could be vulnerable and honest and open and supportive of each other.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: One of my lifelines when I had both my girls is I would go to these baby groups.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: It was in Santa Monica we're living in Los Angeles and I would go and it was all these other working moms and we would talk and share and I wouldn't feel alone.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Right, I was in this community and of these moms with all big careers and these new babies and I would leave feeling so filled up and again not alone, and I would feel seen and understood and I want to make sure that as many working moms possible don't feel alone and have that community and again to share all this incredible science and research.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: And, if I look back, everything I've learned over the past 11 years about being a working mom like if I could go back and I could give all this wisdom and the tools to like 30 year old Tia.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: You'd be ahead, right You'd have.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: You'd have a few more tools in the toolbox.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I love the through line of happiness throughout.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: So from the business and its founding arrive at happy, to the book, to the membership TEDx in there as well.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: So just even thinking about kind of all the things that you've done, if you had to give someone like someone's listening and they're like I'm not sure I am happy, what's some advice or guidance you would give them just to start getting curious about checking into that or learning more about that feeling that they have which isn't aligned with you know the word happy, right?
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: So first thing I would say to this beautiful person is it's okay that you don't feel happy right now.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Don't feel bad that you don't feel happy.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we feel guilty, right yeah, don't feel guilty or be critical of yourself.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah Right, the first thing is go.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Why am I not happy?
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Like what's wrong with me?
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Exactly, yeah.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: So first step is nothing's wrong.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: First step self-compassion.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, nothing is wrong with you, right, and what I would say is to think about.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: There's this very useful acronym in the science of happiness, and the acronym is SPIRE S-P-I-R-E.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'll explain what each one is very quickly, but I want listeners to think about.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: Each of these areas is a lever that you can, that you can pull on, that you can work on with intentionality and how you think and how you behave, because what the science proves is that we have agency over our thinking and our behaviors.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: We don't have agency over our genetics.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: We don't have agency over our life circumstances Like nobody wishes there was wars happening, right, there's things that are out of our control, but what we have agency over is our thinking and our behaviors.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: So back to Spire.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: For someone going, I don't know if I'm not happy right now.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: Think about these areas and maybe choose one to start with.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: So the first is your spiritual well-being.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: So this could be a religion.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: This could be leaning into more spirituality.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: This could be meditating more, praying more, volunteering more right.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Think about just connecting to spirituality in your way.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: The second is your physical well-being, which is actually where we started.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: So physical well-being is taking care of your physical body with sleep and exercise and healthy food directly impacts happiness.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: And then it's also your mental health.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: So what content are you consuming?
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Are you doom scrolling on social media?
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Are you listening to amazing podcasts like this?
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Think about what you put into your brain the same way of what you put into your stomach, right?
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Are you watching the news?
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Are you checking the news 20 times a day?
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: It's going to make you really unhappy.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: So just being really intentional about your mental health and protecting it.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: So that's P.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: The I is intellectual well-being.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: So humans are happier when we're learning and growing.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: So if you're not that happy right now, you could say what's something I want to learn over the next six months?
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's guitar, maybe it's how to write a book, but when we're learning, we're happier.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: The R of SPIRE is relational well-being.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: So this is cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself and also investing in relationship with others.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: The number one predictor of happiness is human connection.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: So that's our friends and our family, and the Scandinavians do this really really well, and every year on the World Happiness Report, the Scandinavian companies always come up top.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: And I will say the digital world and social media and everything is making us more and more disconnected.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: Like you know, people are having less meals together, et cetera.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: So human connection, human connection.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: And then the E of Spire is our emotional well-being.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: So making choices and how you think and how you behave, to have more of those positive emotions like gratitude and joy and awe, serenity, calm, et cetera.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: And joy and awe, serenity, calm, et cetera.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: And then having a healthy relationship with the painful emotions.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: And many of us were not taught, me included, to understand and to have healthy coping mechanisms for painful emotions.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Right, it's very easy to just be a workaholic so you don't feel.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Or some people might like drink wine every night with Netflix or there's all these different things.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: But the research shows that when you actually see those painful emotions as information, nothing's wrong with you and you don't feel bad again for having those painful emotions.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: And when you are going through a lot of pain you work with a therapist, you work with a coach, you journal, you actually are working through it you're going to just have a stronger psychological immune system.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: And this spire model is from Dr Ben Shahar, who used to teach happiness at Harvard.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so an easy acronym to remember and then to really break down.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I have this feeling maybe it's in one of these zones of spire, so to speak, of of where I need to look Like you know, if I even just like check up of each one of those areas and just start with one don't feel like you have to do them all at one time, but I bet there's one that might stand out to you of where to start to be curious about or get some more introspection around.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, so wonderful, a great tip.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: So thank you very much for being on the Bold Lounge.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: All the information about Tia's membership, her book, her TEDx link as well and her website for Arrive at Happy are below in the episode notes.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Appreciate you being bold and being on the Bold Lounge.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Ah, thank you, it's great being with you, being bold and being on the bold lounge.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: Ah, thank you, it's great being with you.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the bold lounge podcast.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with