Latest / Red Skelton / Red Skelton - Barbers
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- Now medical science offers you proof positive. No other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine, less throat irritating tars than the new, smoother, better tasting Wally Yes, proof positive, no other cigarette gives you less nicotine less throat irritating tars than the new smoother, better tasting Wally M. Ram Holley. The Raleigh Cigarette Program starring Red Scouting with David Forrester and his orchestra are Singing, starring need to al Us, G. G. Pearson, Brenebalt and Pat McGain and yours truly right O'Connor. That's a pleasure to bring in Metropola mayors, popular comedian in the star run a sec program, rad Yes, thank you. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, say Kate Peiser's wife, Georgia just had a little baby. I'm going over to the hospital and taking a present, you know, a baseball band, a baseball bat. It's a beautiful little girl. I know when she grows up and goes to Hollywood High she don't need it. Well, Rod tonight's the last night, Yes, Red, the last show of the season. Why don't you stay on the air during the heat of the summer. Why the other shows don't I know, but they don't leave. The audience is as cold as you do. Hey, tell me, what do you really think of my acting? Well? Really? Red words fail me? Yeah, truthfully? Now, so I'll use letter Yeah, p U you proud of that? You wind up as head boy on Ben Ruben's bar Acuda Bards. Well, what are you gonna do tonight after the show? Well, I'm gonna hit you in a hit of the club first, No, I think after. I thank Burley our engineer, and Jack Robinson and Fred Cole our sound effect men, mister Keith McLeod our producers putting Bob Dwan, the NBC producer, and Ralph Forney, our official photographer. In the car, You're gonna have a big party. Yes, I got a pint of bourbon and twelve symbols. We're gonna move it up to Yeah, I'm gonna miss the old gang around here. You know, well you're probably miss arguing with our NBC sensors. Yeah, those guys today they made to take out a blank sheet of paper out of the script. They says the bear page was a little too suggested. What are you taking a trip this summer? I'm that still loopy of mine, No, sir, boy in the car so all I went down the license beyond. I had to get it up on lower plates. You know, lad to drive? I am, well, the highways are a little overcrowded, little crowded. I ran out of gas in Hollywood and didn't know until I got the San Diego they are ed. I had a little going away present for you, some sunglasses. Sunglasses? Do I thank you here soon as I find Oh, yes, thanks, They'll come in handy if I leave California. Say, what are you planning on doing this summer? Well, I'm gonna take a lot of exercises. You better, boy. You're getting so many double change you look like you're peeking over a Venetian blind. Well, back to the funny stuff. You know how to keep thin? Ride horses? Get up every morning at five point thirty and run and dive in a cool swimming pool. A cool make ice cold though. You know you do that. No, I just read what's written here. Well, enough of that stuff that earns our bread and butter. Let's hear about the stuff that gives us our meat and potatoes. Now, now medical science offers you proof positive. No other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine, least throat irritating tars than the new smoother, better tasting Walley. Yes, proof positive, no other cigarette gives you less nicotine least throat irritating tars than the new, smoother, better tasting Walley. Scientific tests of America's six biggest selling brands, based on the method used by the United States government, test certified by a jury of fourteen distinguished doctors, including throat specialists, have proved conclusively no other cigarette gives you less nicotine, less throat irritating tars, so no other is safer to smoke. Rawley's are right, right for taste, rite for throat, Enjoy Rawley's rich Tobaccos that smoother, more satisfying Rowley Flake. Remember, medical science offers you proof positive no other cigarette gives you less nicotine, less throat irritating tars, so no other is safer to smoke than the new, smoother, better tasting Walley. And now Anita ellis sing Should I Tell you I Love you? Cool Porter's latest hit from the Broadway production around the World, Should Love You? Should I say how much? Should old and Way all the day? Should tell Ardie Together our life would be should I love you a way to you? Should turn Pardie together? Our life would be should oh wait, oh what nothing know you about this tonight? The story from the Skeleton scrap Book of Satire is entitled Vacation Time and Mad NBC Producers. Our characters are fictional. If there's any similarity to persons living, don't worry. There's a game load to protect you. Chapter one hundred and forty is entitled Working during the Vacation. This is the story of Klym kndittle Hopper, the country lad who's working through the summer months at a filling station replacing a gas pump. Well, you know that's true. Everybody's going on a vacation. I wish I had a trade so i'd know what kind of a job I was vacation in from summer's here, all right, these ice skates don't work so well. Now, yeah, there's a filling station. You gotta shine out over there, man, jump your a n t ed winy. They got over and see what they went with him? What do you know? They got a woman attendant there, cray. Well do how you beat it to you? Hey? Nice overhold you're wearing who greases him? For you. Oh, I know, I'm a mask. You just have to excuse my hip here. Oh would you look good? And I like your tie? Oh things, I got another one just like it. Well, why did you buy two a lie? I didn't. I split a red sock? See you walking lately? Where's your car? Oh? Here? There? Everywhere? You know? Well what do you mean? Here? And there and everywhere? Truck hit it, park on the wrong side of a hill. You know, clam, what do you have a head for? They sit on my backbone. It keeps my vertebration flying all over the planet. Let's keep fun working here at the filling things. Crim Why don't you ask for a job here because they need a man? Well, I really didn't come in for that. See I only wanted to use the air holes. Need a little air in my head. It's getting flat on top. Well it's over there, okay there, If you got a bucket of water, I can stick my head into test it for leaks. Claim you're a moron, and it's getting so it's nothing to be proud of. There's so many of us. Now. You know see how much this job here paid, Well, you work on a percentage, but you worked on automobiles. Clim don't you know what percentage means. It means the more you work more, your mate, I'm sorry I couldn't work that cheap. Wait, you can tell your boss I've taken the job. Oh, here comes that old buolooroos that stingy old guy when he he cups it sounds like this out there. They What can I tell you? Nothing? Just stick that empty gas nozzle under the tank. No squeeze there facts loot that'll take me into the next station. Well, in case you don't make it, call me, I'll give you a puss right in your big fat face. Clem, did you say you know something about mechanic? Yes? I do. Think you can fix that sedan. The motor won't start all right. Oh see what's the over her here? I'm sure loose hubcaps. Oh, here comes your customer. Here comes your customer. Hold right, hey, don't put the gas and ran the inter You dizzy dames are all alike. Well, I should hope, so come on now, move out of the way. Babe, wish you wouldn't talk to me like that, and me too. What did you say, conehead? Oh? I can't argue with him in a hurry, Come on, sister, snap indos Now, wait a minute. You can't talk to a woman like that. Then put up your fists and fight like a man. I'd rather put my ears up and run like a rabbit. Come on, put up your fists, all right. I'll just roll up my sleeve and then there. Now I'll get up, roll with sleeves down again. You will kindly step off from my chest. There. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Well, I'm in a hurry, and I'll get visy and get this car lubrication and filled with gas and r I wouldn't do that if there's a man around, I'll tell you that. Okay, mister, if you insist, drive it upon the rack. Here, that's his young red dress, that black button. Clam and take her up the black black lit see yes, that would be the dark one window. Anybody got long arms? When you caught that car up too high, clam and I let it down. Kiss the red button. But easy, But this man's in a hurry. Say mm hello, Monsey's hused car lot. Can you use a squatty buick? Now? Medical science offers you prove positive. No other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine less throat irritating tars than the new smoother, better tasting rally. Yes, prove positive, no other cigarette gives you less nicotine less throat irritating tars than the new smoother, better tasting rallygh Leon Henderson, famous Washington economist, says quote, I smoke cigars and pipes too, but when I smoke cigarettes, I smoke rallies. I've seen the reports. Medical science has proved no other cigarette gives you less nicotine less throat irritating tars. Thus no other is safer to smoke. And you're right ly on Henderson. Those tests were based on a method used by the United States government. So enjoy Rawley's rich tobaccos that more satisfying Rawley flavor, and remember medical science offers you proved positive, no other cigarette gives you less nicotine less throat irritating tars, so no other is safer. The smoke, the smoother, better tasting. Walley David forced from his orchestra play Espaniel Coney or Things to Past, Thank You David. Chapter one hundred and forty one is entitled going Away. There's nothing like a vacation with children along, and they're no bother at all, especially if they're like Junior, the mean wad of kids. Junior, what do you want to up to your living room? Direct? The house is wrecked? Now into the cats. I'm putting him up on that Fido store here. But that's for the goldfish bull, I know. But the goldfish bowl is and the cat ain't Junior? Need you have anything to do with the cat eating the gold fish? Does you think I did? I most certainly? Do you positive? Yes, I'm positive medical science can use you. I'm trying. I ain't in here. Come on, let's get on with our taxing. Yeah, how come, we're gonna go away. Your grandfather's got the three weeks they cat it and we're going to take a trip. We'll pick him up downtown. Oh where's were going? We're going to Yellowstone National Park, Glazier National Park, and then over into Canada. Well, does I get it? Go along? Or is this going to be a pleasure? Twear? Of course it's going to be a wonderful tool. You're gonna dry in our own car full of growth bags. Thousands and thousands of miles were travel Yes, which fly is quicker? Julie, your love Glacier Park wild animals roaming around competition has Well, you know what I gonna do, and I'm gonna feed the bear. I'm gonna real life bear. I'm gonna feed him. No, no, no, that's something I want to warn you about right now. You can't feed the bear because when all you have to give them is gune, they'll bite you, not me. Boy. I'll walk right up to the old bear and I'll show him my teeth, you know, and I'll stand right there and write him chide me. And if he comes, get me on his hind legs with his mouth open and the dark teeth when he fangs ready to bite me. Oh no, no, no, what's the matter. I just remember that I ain't got a gun. He scared him, said the bear, folken. Yes, they will do the best. Bless you little Why if a bear should bite you out out shooting, well, you wouldn't have to do that, you know. If the bear bites me in a couple of hours, you'll die from natural causes. Let's hurry and get packed. Go over and ask mister Powell if we can borrow a suitcake. I'll call him gen this time. Huh well, Junior, Hello, Hello, Hello yet is you a lone fat show? Yes, but I can get help quick. What are you up there? We going down a swift years. No, we're gonna see the National Parks. And I hear that they got mountain Jupper almost. He's big as h is Lardie Junior. There's something about you I like you mean, and I'm not your kid. Look, Fati, my grandma wants to borrow a suitcase one it's big enough to whole reportable booby traps. You know, well, I'll get you. I might want to move a mountain a company and she's mighty neighborly? Are you you know? Well? How long are you gonna be gone? Oh? By three weeks? Guys? Oh three weeks? Yes, Well here's the suitcase. Hey, you're sure your big one your No, you don't know anybody around here would like to pick up a nickel? Do you carry it for me? You don't have? Oh, I'll help you all right? Oh look you commissr bull Mine? Or how are you? Yeah? If you got the grip for a feller going away? Nothing like a vacation? Does your good new atmosphere? New people? Where are you going? Oban to get a suitcase to Vernon, Vernon. Yeah, we're going on a trip for going through Wyoming, Montana every place. But you talk, I've been there. You want to go again? You don't want to go again. He won't let me in. But Montana, that's Mother Nature's country. Yeah, when I get up there, she'll sell the place cheap. Are we going to be going the whole summery? I had sort of look forward to taking you fishing into the board game? Did you say three weeks? Now? Stop acting like an old don't you yell at me? Blah blah? Boy? Now now you fellas is too much like gentlemen. There'll be fighting now. Of course, there's nothing to stop one of you from hiring me to kick the other guy in the chine. You Well, it won't seem the same around here without you. Oh, mister Beaumont, Before I forget and I goes your way, I got something I gotta confess to you. What is it? You remember when you were sleeping under the tree and a bird a birthday rolled out of the nest, Yeah, and splattered all over me. Yeah. Well don't you think that duck egg was a little large for a hummingbird's nest? Yes? I do? Well, I you're gonna miss you big fellows guys you too, yes, exactly? Will you? Hey? I got an idea. Now maybe we'll work if you ain't going, dude, he don't be, don't be, Yes, mister Fower and Harry Beaumart with me too. No, it was nice if you then it's the suitcase. I'm so excited. Let's not stand here, Let's get back. Where's the trunk from me? Don't oh? Five? Well there's me, frisickle me, sandboxed me, baseball missions of goodness. Think you're gonna take nothing from me? Why don't you stay here with me? Jr? I always wanted a little boy like you. You must be nuts tikish manor hospital. Why you'll reprovate the nerve of you trying to move in? You know I've actually considered for junior five times. Yeah, show him your campaign weapons? Go ahead? Will you send us a postcardon They cost a penny? You know? And showed the liquids you know. Well, all the windows and doors are locked up bad I got you know. Well, we say goodbye now you peoples, all of you. Yeah, while I'm gone, you can be busy digging up all them land mines. I laid you know well, I want you both to know. But it does one so good to know that that then neighbors missed them. Now don't start that stuff. Goodness, don't cry now, I'll go light it out above top of Hey, we're gonna miss you fellows. We're gonna miss you all Southern night eggs. Oh, mister b be careful when you're going your wood chain. I planted a new booby trapping there to your junie. You just keep laughing. Get out at all, but yet, don't stick your hand in any dark corner unless you want to leave it down here. No, I'll say good bye now, good bye, bye bye, good bye. Gets in Juliet. What's the matter. I was just thinking about our poor loadly neighbors. They don't have the car, you know, and you don't have anybody to bidget. We acting like witch bugs. We and you know, we gotta this big car and all that roof, and we're going to see all these pretty sights and stuffing, and they gotta diggle. Now we have enough room to take them alone. If it's all right with you, yes, I go get him. Ye oh boy, oh boy, hey, mister Baum, mister Fowler. Come on, you can go too, Come on, come on, that's funny. They're all yes and not a coincidence. It's really very nighbly yes. We're glad to have you. Well, are we already? No, not until these two guys give me fifty cent a peece for what for acting like I'm gonna miss him so we could take them along with it. Ladies and gentlemen. When I returned home from the army, the greatest honor I received was you allowing me to come into your homes each Tuesday night. I hope I haven't said it done anything to offend anyone, and if I have, I really didn't mean to. We're proud too that you permitted your children to listen to our show when we return next fall. With the help of Edna Skelton Berzegi and her writing staff Benny Friedman, John Murray, Henry Staff and Jack Stanley, we'll continue to respect the dignity of your home that you have so graciously welcomed us into by trying our best to write and present clean, wholesome entertainment. Our sponsors, the Brown Williamson to Back Company and the Russell Seeds Advertising Agency offer their thanks for this past season two. By using our product, you've made it possible for us to be heard over the NBC networks. And be sure and listen next week to an hour with Romberg. May I thank you again for your kindness and say goodbye now and thanks for listening. Brown Williamson invites you to other good listening throughout the week. Each Tuesday, at this time you'll enjoy a summer series featuring the music of that famous composer, conductor Sigmund Romberg. Be sure to listen here Hildegard tomorrow night in the New Penguin Room and people are Funny with our link letter. Friday night, Red skel has heard in this program for the courtesy of Metro Golden Mayor, Sir Walter Raleigh the pipe tobacco that rates superior on all five counts. Check them. A rich ripe, full bodied, burly bland, Sir Walter Raleigh. Mantled with rum for extra smoothness, deep down satisfying goodness. That's Sir Walter raleig clean smoking all the way down, No sagi heel leaves, only a clean dry ash. That's Sir Walter Raleigh. Crimp cut for slow even cool Bernie. Yes, Sir Walter Ralliy the brand of Grand Aroma keeps Home, Sweet Home. It's Sir Walter Raleigh. Sooner or later your favorite tobacco. Yes, a favorite in the Army, Navy, Marines, and Coastguard, with men everywhere who appreciate quality pipe smoking. Pry, Sir Walter Raleigh, the quality by tobacco of America. Fil w that's govern is brought to you by the Brown And when it's the Tobacco Corporation William cabaco By, it is NBC the National Podcast Goverment