Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 45 | How Founder Dads Can Reclaim Identity Beyond Business Burnout and Dad Guilt
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to episode number 45 with me Sean Tucker. Who you are is so much more important than what you do. It's so easy. to get caught up in what you're doing. And pretty easy to forget that who you are is actually more important. And it goes to show like... Even when I had that experience when my daughter was rolling on the floor and I was caught up trying to be the business owner and trying to have a really successful business. Who I was in that moment was not aligned with who I really am. That's why it hurt and hit so, so deeply. Cause when I looked over at my daughter and looked back at the screen and wondering why I couldn't perform, it's because my values, the pieces that make me who I am, were not aligned with the actions that I was taking. And you hear this story again and again with high performers who get burned out and high performers who achieve the top level performance and the next day they're very depressed. They receive their accolades and then they get into these really, really deep depressive cycles. Why is this? It's because Who you are matters way more than what you do and if you're ⁓ what you ⁓ to make up who you are Your accolades don't forge your character. Your accomplishments don't really form your character. It's actually the losses and the places of growth. So the places where you faced the most adversity in your life that actually give you the character of who you are. They make up who you are. That is your identity. So the most, the thing that you are most afraid of is probably the thing that has caused the most damage to you and it's probably the thing that determines how you show up most of the day. and that identity that we have, whether it's the role we play, aka the father, the CEO, the founder, the business owner, the worker, the sister, the brother, whatever it is. It's... that's even not even who you are. Who you are is so much more is so much more capable is so much more powerful is so much more compassionate than all of those things put together. And this is why what you do doesn't matter because what you do often forms the identity at a superficial level. It's what you're known as, but it's not who you are. And this can get quite confusing because, well, I guess I'm just a failure then. And if you keep on reiterating that to yourself, that that is who you become. And if a failure wants to change to being a winner. The only thing it does, needs to do is let go of being a failure and realize that those failures taught me how to be a winner because they don't determine who I am. They only determine the amount of growth that I get from them. And it's a sense of willingness. It's a, it's the power of willingness that allows you to see. All of the things that you've faced and challenged, been challenged with, those are the things that have helped you become the person who's more compassionate, the person that is more human, the better father. But it's when we have these experiences that are disintegrated, like we haven't fully integrated them, this is when we become extremely reactive. So I'm just thinking about the moments when I reflect back on some sales calls and some sales meetings that I've had with potential clients back in when I was a PT. I was reacting to what they were saying because I didn't have the emotional embodiment to allow them the space to be with their feelings because for me being in the feelings is painful and I want to stop or I want to prevent others from going through their pain which is one of the silliest things that I've probably ever said because the only way to actually let go of the pain is to feel it fully. You can't suppress it, you can't hold it, you can't save someone from it. But you can allow them to experience it in the safety of your presence. Because what ends up happening? is there is a saying, if the pain don't kill you, it only makes you stronger. So what is that really telling you? Life is actually finite. Death is actually always guaranteed. And what if the feeling you were avoiding was actually the feeling of you letting go of an old identity? Of you not having to play that role of being abused or not being smart enough or not being good enough? Yeah, there's another. step I guess I haven't really talked about in this podcast and that is what would be considered as an ego death. The part of your mind that is so insecure and so afraid that on the other side of it you realize that there was nothing to fear. And it's a matter of conditioning yourself with more reps, with more consistency that allows you to see that, ⁓ I'm not that person anymore. I don't need to be afraid. It is easier said than done because the conditioning that we receive from people that we trust in our life before this now moment, so that our memories that we have. This is where it becomes really the challenge. The test is actually being able to put forward the training that you've gone through, being able to actualize or being able to hold people accountable to the pain that they're avoiding. And so if I look back at those moments where I wasn't able to get that potential client as a client and onboarded, well half the time it's because I was afraid. of me being rejected, that's my thing, right? But the second thing is that they're going to reject themselves. and they're only mirroring what I'm feeling. And if they're feeling insecure, then I need to feel stable. I need to make them feel safe so that they can feel what they've been avoiding and actually make the investment in themselves so that they can progress into becoming the best version of themselves. So when it comes to identity, when it comes to who you are, this thing is going to forever change. And if you think it stopped, if you think this is me at my peak, well, that's a belief that is self-limiting. That belief is very self-limiting because who you are is not fixed. How you are is not fixed. In fact, how you are is an even more important measure or variable than who you are. Because how you are, if that's the compass that you live by and you choose to be joyful, then who you are doesn't matter. You can just be the highest expression of who you are through how you are. And so if you're really caught up in that loop of, well, this is what I did today, and this is, the thing that gets me is actually, once I do this, I'll be happy. Once I become or reach this level, then I'll be happy. Once I get this car, or once I get this amount of money in the bank, then I'll be happy. No, if you're not happy in the process of becoming, and just allowing the goal to find you and you seeking the goal. It's not gonna bring you happiness. I'm sorry to kill your dream, but it's not gonna make you happy. You have to make yourself happy and joyful through the process of who you become in seeking the goal ⁓ and learn the lessons along the ⁓ So if you have found this episode helpful, all I ask, share it with one person. That's it. Thank you so much for tuning in and I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.