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31. Am I feeling Intuition or Anxiety?! Understanding your Post Divorce Nervous System · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Hi love, this is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: We're cozy in for the conversations we've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Hi love, welcome to today's episode of Is It My Intuition or Is It Anxiety?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Let's play So.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: This is such a great conversation because when you're in a post-divorce space, you're having to make a lot of decisions.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of life changes, there are a crap load of triggers.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: There are all these opportunities to access either your intuition or to be like drown the F out by your anxiety.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: And being able to discern is this intuition or is this anxiety is such a powerful tool in helping you make decisions with confidence, helping you move forward with confidence and not kind of falling prey to the self-doubt that comes with decision decision fatigue.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: You know, as you're moving through the regrets of your past and grieving, and you know you're in therapy, kind of doing the autopsy on the relationship and maybe not enough forgiveness of yourself for the choices you made right, and so having a really beautiful tool to be able to say like, okay, what's true?
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I need my intuition, i need to be able to move forward with confidence, but my anxiety keeps hollering really loud.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So hopefully, by the end of today's pod, you're going to feel way more in tune with that.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Now, as we get to discern, is this intuition or is this anxiety, let's also acknowledge that there are a lot of other voices going on in there too.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Right, there's our friend Rage, and then there's our friend hysterical sobbing, and then there's, you know, our friend who has that really sharp, clear tongue that says all the perfect things.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And then there's, right, there's so many parts of us that have something to say right now, in this season of life, and when you're having those pretend arguments with people in your mind that always go so much better in your mind than they do in real life, sometimes you can feel yourself kind of toggling between clarity and anger and panic and sadness, right, and it's like within the span of five minutes you could have kind of embodied five or six different emotional states and you're not crazy.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: That's actually happening.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: So when we're talking about, is it intuition or is it anxiety, or is it any of these number of other voices or kind of aspects of self that can really get some good energy going right?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: A lot of momentum.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: They have a lot to say.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Being able to notice when that's happening is key.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: So let's just start with yes, there are a lot of different moods you got going on in there, right, and being able to sense when one part of you or another part of you is holding the microphone is really important.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Because when we're in the place of one part has the microphone and does not want to give it up to another part, we're going to call that disintegration, right.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: It's like parts of self only feeling empowered when they are at the podium, and that is not intuition, so.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: But it feels good, right, so.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So that's a really that's kind of a mind fuck there.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Right Is, when the different parts of you have the microphone and are at the podium, it feels juicy and delicious when you're having those made up conversations in your mind.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, there's so much dopamine going on there, so much reward center chemicals.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: There's so much this sense of feeling validated and right and righteous and clear, and some of some of you who experienced some of that ragey stuff it may, historically, some of the chemicals that get released there.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: There's some overlap between those chemicals with those intense, like lizard emotions and the chemicals that get released during orgasm.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: They're not all the same but there is some overlap there.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: So know that that really kind of pleasurable sensation you get from being really amped up and toggling between those intense emotions, even though it feels good, it's completely blocking you not completely, it's largely blocking you from your intuition.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So we can kind of say with a broad brush that when you're feeling intensely you're not intuiting, and that is painting with a broad brush.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: But know that you can take that to the bank.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: When you are feeling intensely you are not intuiting.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Intuition is quiet, It is sure, and it does not have a rush of emotion attached to it.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: And so this is kind of the trick right now, because so much of where you are is got a rush of emotion attached to it, and so to be able to manage that, to work with it differently, is so valuable.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And it's why journaling can be so effective, and and the scribbling that I ask you to do, or the, the music I ask you to play before you journal, because all of those things help deal with that crash of emotion at the front end, so that when you're then so you've got the music going and you're scribbling, and and then you start journaling and by the end of your journaling you are now in a place where you were able to intuit, to hear your intuition, and there are a lot more of examples like that.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: So when you're done with a great workout, you are now more able to be with your intuition.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: When you're done hiking in the woods, when you're done getting out of an Epsom salts bath, when you are done getting a really great massage You following me here, it's stuff where you are You have been able to shed a release or move through some of the intense emotion and to be more grounded and connected with the world around you and your mind, body.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: That's when intuition is going to come through.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: So when you're hearing those mixed up noisy, intense, sometimes delicious, painful failings, or when you're heavy with grief, those are not the times love to make big decisions.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I don't care how pressing someone says the decision is.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: It's not the time.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I remember I remember a couple of years ago when I was going through pregnancy loss and I knew, i knew I needed to get out of the house but it felt so pointless and everything was so heavy and nothing penetrated, like nothing at all.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: So one day we went out on the boat and it was the most perfect day and it's the kind of thing that would typically move the needle very well for me, because it was connected with nature and it was out in the sun and it was with the water and good music and it didn't work.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: It didn't work.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I felt as heavy when I got home as I did when I left and there was like nothing that was going to move the needle for me on that right.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: But it did work because within the next day or so, when I was meditating, i was able to accidentally get into that intuitive place.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: So, even while I was on the boat, nothing was going to shake that grief that I was experiencing, but I was aligning either way.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: See, sometimes we want instant feedback to know that we're headed in the right direction, right.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: And so, even if you go for that walk, even if you get in the Epsom salts bath, even if you do the journaling and you still feel so heavy, know that you did move the needle, You did generate results.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: You might not feel them for a day or two.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: But know that anytime you take those actions, sometimes therapy is one of those beautiful actions.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, if you leave therapy and you make the phone call to your girlfriend and you're like, oh my goodness, and this is what I figured out in therapy My therapist told me and can you believe?
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: And I just know, you know, sometimes when we leave therapy we're a little wound up and we are looking for even more justification.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Right, that's not, that's not the moving the needle I'm talking about.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: But when you take actions that really help you get grounded and open and peaceful, know that even if you don't connect with it in the moment, it's coming.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: And intuition does come in moments of peace, in moments of quietness, in moments of groundedness.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: And often it can come when you don't expect it, when you just all of a sudden like take a breath and look up at the sky and are like, oh man, the moon, so love.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: When you're having those really intense moments where those parts of you are really activated, when the anxiety is loud, anger is loud, when the sadness is loud.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: We're really used to tuning into those things to get clues about how we should think, feel and act.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: But what I want you to know about those really charged voices is those are clues, but they're not clues about how you should think, feel or act with the people.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: They're clues about things that need to be healed inside of you.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: They're clues about places where you have wounds that need tending to, where you have traumas that need cleansing, where you have judgment that needs love poured on it.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: That is the only thing those things are clues about.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: When you are having the pretend conversation in your mind that is going so well, that is only a clue about something inside of you that needs healing and love, and it is never a clue about how to engage with them with him, with her or any of them.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: All of your clues about how to engage with them or what to do next with where to live, or what job to take, or what your kids need or don't need, or whether or not you're going to go on that date, or swipe left or swipe right, thank you.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: All of those clues are held within your intuition, and your intuition you're going to find in quiet spaces.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: There's this visualization that I learned from Brie many episodes back about healing through spirituality, and I've gone on to use it with clients and it's really useful.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So we have thoughts, we have feelings and we have intuition.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: And thoughts and feelings are the human aspect of our experience and they need healing and they need alignment.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: But then the spiritual part, the intuition part, also needs healing and alignment.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: And one way that I have really stepped into the fullness of my spiritual self is through this visualization.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I learned from Brie, which is to go to my intuition cave, and so I visualize this beautiful cave of intuition and it's got these rich red colors.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I really love the colors in Arizona, you know.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: But I've got a client who's got this beautiful intuition cave that's like on a beach in Mexico different colors, right.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Mine has a pool of cold water and a pool of hot water and it has a fire and it has a bed and it's like awesome in there and sometimes it rains and there's a skylight and I can hear the sounds of nature, right.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: But when I go to this visualization, this cave, i'm really getting in touch intentionally with my intuition and it is wonderful.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: In there I am able to really connect with what I need, what I know and where to go next.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: So I want you to play with that.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Play with when you're feeling or when you're inquiring.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Is this my intuition or is it anxiety?
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I want you to breathe and I want you to maybe visualize your own cave of intuition and say okay, anything that feels intensely is not my intuition.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: So what is this?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Is this a clue about something that needs healing?
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: If I need some intuitive answers right now, then maybe I can use the cave to quiet my mind and to find some peace and to listen closely for the answer.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, when we have the question about what do I do next, we need to ask the question and then we need to let it breathe.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: You know when you've made the perfect roast in the oven, but or turkey, or whatever and you got to take it out and let it rest before you cut into it, because that's what leaves it so juicy.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: It's the same thing with really big questions we have in life We ask the question, set the intention, and then you got to let it rest and when you come back to it is when you're going to get a rich, juicy, intuitive answer, because when we ask the question, it's usually charged with something that is missing, right, if there's something we need to know and we don't have the answer, where do I move?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Where do I go?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: What do I say?
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: What do I do?
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: How do I solve this problem?
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I have a problem, there's something missing, and when we're keenly aware that something's missing, that we need, we feel upset, nervous, scared, sad, angry, right, and so Ask the question and then go do something else, right, and let it rest, just like that perfect turkey resting.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: And it's kind of like when you There's something you wanted to say and you lost it and you think, and you think, and you think and you can't find it, and then you're like, oh, it'll come back to me, right, and then you move on with the conversation and it comes back.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: This is how intuition works.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: It can't work when it's butted up against intense emotion.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: So when you're feeling anxious, it's never your intuition, and you know how.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: In the beginning of the episode I said is it your intuition or is it your anxiety?
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Let's also strike that from the record.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Right, it's not your anxiety, it is just anxiety.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not minimizing it because, man, that is, it's it's.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Anxiety can be debilitating.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I've spent many years with debilitating anxiety, but but let's not claim it, it's not yours And it's so interesting.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Anxiety is a mind, body pattern that we can be born with And then it can be exacerbated by certain life experiences.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: But know that it's a mind body pattern like anything else And it can absolutely be released, as can the grief and as can the rage.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Love And your intuition is going to guide you down that path towards healing these things.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: So, especially now, while things are busy and extra and you've got so much more going on emotionally and so many more decisions to make, try that intuition cave.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Try just noticing that when you're really charged with emotion you can't hear your intuition or the voice of God or however you relate to it.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Find some quiet moments, take some clearing breaths and listen, because it's in there.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: You are full of pure magic And all you got to do is a little shift to tune into it, which means tuning into it has to be more important to you than having the perfect last line in your pretend conversation in your brain.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Right, finding that magical intuition inside of you has to be more important to you than having the last word, because as long as having the last word is more important to you, you are eclipsing yourself.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: You are cutting yourself off from the pure, powerful magic that is inside of you And to me, when it becomes that binary when it becomes like, okay, you've served me two dishes and I have to choose which one.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: The last line, ooh, that last it's delicious.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: It's delicious Or pure power inside of me.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going to choose the pure power because it's not as delicious in the moment, but it's more delicious in the long run.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: And that's the key here is picking the thing that, in the long run, is going to get me everything I want is always more delicious than picking the thing that tastes good for a moment right now but brings me more pain in the long run.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: So we're switching the scales of balance there, right, we're working on being really intentional about choosing the thing that serves me to moving towards everything I want in the long run and releasing and surrendering the thing that feels delicious for a moment.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I cannot wait to hear exactly what your intuition cave looks like And to hear how this works out for you as you start to notice that when you're full of charged emotion, that's not your intuition.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I know you're going to do amazing things with this.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Go forth and transform yourself and the world around you, because I know that's what you're up to.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Peace, dear Divorce Diary is a podcast by My Coach Dawn.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: You can find more at MyCoachDawncom.