Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #227| How Positive Psychology Can Help Women Thrive in High-Pressure Careers

Transcript

#227| How Positive Psychology Can Help Women Thrive in High-Pressure Careers · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  Karli Auble: How do you just get off the, oh every day is every day to I love my life.
• 0:04
  Karli Auble: I love doing what I'm doing.
• 0:11
  Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:18
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
• 0:23
  Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
• 0:28
  Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
• 0:35
  Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
• 0:38
  Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining today.
• 0:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Today you're gonna learn about something really cool, which is positive psychology.
• 0:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Today's guest, Karli Auble, is not only an engineer, but also a positive psychology speaker.
• 0:50
  Michelle Gauthier: And she created something called the Thrive Framework.
• 0:54
  Michelle Gauthier: That's a powerful mindset tool.
• 0:55
  Michelle Gauthier: So today, when you listen, you'll learn how the science of positive psychology can help you, even if you work in a high stress environment.
• 1:02
  Michelle Gauthier: We're gonna learn about Carly's six-part Thrive framework and how to apply it to any challenge.
• 1:08
  Michelle Gauthier: And she's also gonna talk to us about why our thoughts, our relationships, and even your workspace all matter more than you probably think.
• 1:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Carly talks about these topics at organizations and events.
• 1:18
  Michelle Gauthier: So if you are looking for an interesting speaker for your group or events, at the end you will hear how to get in touch with Carly.
• 1:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Today's episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth.
• 1:29
  Michelle Gauthier: You know what Cozy Earth has to do with overwhelm?
• 1:31
  Michelle Gauthier: My favorite overwhelmed working women.
• 1:33
  Michelle Gauthier: Their whole mission is to make every day feel a little bit more elevated through their obsessive detail and better materials and super high quality products.
• 1:44
  Michelle Gauthier: So that when you've had a really busy day at work and you come home and you change into your bamboo pajama set, or you grab your cozy earth cuddle blanket, or you get in between the sheets when you're ready to go to bed at night, you can feel calm and well taken care of.
• 2:00
  Michelle Gauthier: And a friend of mine just told me that she bought some cozy earth pajamas and the sheets because she thought of it as a form of self-care.
• 2:06
  Michelle Gauthier: And I really think that is true.
• 2:08
  Michelle Gauthier: I also think the best way to give yourself self-care is to get good sleep.
• 2:12
  Michelle Gauthier: And we all know when you're busy and overwhelmed and potentially going through some hormonal changes, that sleep is not always easy.
• 2:19
  Michelle Gauthier: And I can tell you for sure from my experience when I get in my cozy earth pajamas and my cozy earth sheets, and I've got that heavy blanket on top of me, and my house turned down to freezing like I like it.
• 2:31
  Michelle Gauthier: I truly sleep better and I wake up so cozy.
• 2:35
  Michelle Gauthier: So if you feel like you could use a little extra TLC and you want to get yourself a treat, use my code OWW for overwhelmed working woman for 20% off anything cozy earth.
• 2:47
  Michelle Gauthier: There are so many fantastic options, but I highly recommend the pajamas, the cuddle blanket, and the sheets for sure.
• 2:53
  Michelle Gauthier: All right, let's jump in and welcome our guest, Karli Auble.
• 2:57
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much, Karli, for being here with us today.
• 2:59
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm so happy to have you, and I'm excited for you to teach us about positive psychology.
• 3:04
  Michelle Gauthier: It's an area that I don't know very much about, and I remember when I learned you were getting your master's in, I was like, ooh, I want all that information in my brain.
• 3:12
  Michelle Gauthier: So I'm excited for you to teach us a little bit about it today and teach us your Thrive framework.
• 3:18
  Michelle Gauthier: So start off by telling us, because really your regular day job is not in positive psychology.
• 3:25
  Michelle Gauthier: So tell us about yourself, how you got into this, and what you're doing with it.
• 3:30
  Karli Auble: Yeah, absolutely.
• 3:31
  Karli Auble: Thank you, Michelle.
• 3:32
  Karli Auble: One, I'm happy to be here.
• 3:33
  Karli Auble: Two, I do have to say that you could be a positive psychology professor.
• 3:38
  Karli Auble: So I'm so excited to tell you more about it and how the people listening essentially get a master's in positive psychology.
• 3:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Amazing.
• 3:45
  Michelle Gauthier: And I didn't even have to go to school.
• 3:46
  Michelle Gauthier: Sounds great.
• 3:48
  Karli Auble: It's awesome.
• 3:48
  Karli Auble: Yes.
• 3:49
  Karli Auble: So my name's Karli Auble.
• 3:50
  Karli Auble: I have a background in engineering, so systems engineering.
• 3:53
  Karli Auble: I work at a large company where I'm an engineering manager.
• 3:57
  Karli Auble: And as I was getting ready to work towards my executive MBA, I actually had the opportunity to have a career coach at my company.
• 4:06
  Karli Auble: And I'm talking to my career coach.
• 4:08
  Karli Auble: She's like, Are you excited about signing up?
• 4:10
  Karli Auble: I was just like, absolutely not.
• 4:13
  Karli Auble: I'm dreading going to this every Saturday executive MBA program.
• 4:17
  Karli Auble: Why are you doing it?
• 4:18
  Karli Auble: She asked me.
• 4:19
  Karli Auble: And I said, that's what everybody else here does, and that's the path that we have to go down.
• 4:23
  Karli Auble: So any good coach would say, Hey, what's something that you would be interested in?
• 4:28
  Karli Auble: And so I started looking at different programs and thinking, what would I be interested in?
• 4:33
  Karli Auble: I had been exposed to coaching through her being my coach.
• 4:37
  Karli Auble: Fun fact, Michelle is actually my husband's life coach.
• 4:40
  Karli Auble: I had seen various pockets and I was fascinated how people that were working in that coaching relationship could change their mindset so quick.
• 4:49
  Karli Auble: And I thought, how cool would that be to apply that into the engineering workspace?
• 4:54
  Karli Auble: It's a bit unusual, but I requested an exception to get a master's in positive psychology.
• 5:00
  Karli Auble: Had to go through an exception process, which again, thought process.
• 5:03
  Karli Auble: You're like, nobody's gonna approve me to do this as an engineer.
• 5:07
  Karli Auble: Went forward with it, submitted it, and in 30 seconds had an approval back from my manager and his boss as well.
• 5:13
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh my gosh, that is surprising.
• 5:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Cause I would bet in engineering, they're not like, you know what?
• 5:18
  Michelle Gauthier: We need some good mindsets and positivity around here.
• 5:22
  Karli Auble: Yeah, I put so much thought into what am I gonna write in this exception, put it in there, and then as I explained it to my manager and his boss, it was like, oh yeah, done approved.
• 5:31
  Karli Auble: I just think from a coaching perspective and that mindset shift, I looked so forward to the coursework.
• 5:37
  Karli Auble: I loved hopping in the car and listening to lectures to and from work.
• 5:41
  Karli Auble: And I just think, wow, what a difference that would have been had I gone forward with the executive MBA versus this positive psychology degree.
• 5:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 5:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 5:50
  Michelle Gauthier: So there's lesson number one from Carly.
• 5:51
  Michelle Gauthier: Trust your gut.
• 5:52
  Michelle Gauthier: If something doesn't sound like fun for you, it's okay that it's not for you.
• 5:56
  Michelle Gauthier: And there probably is something interesting.
• 5:57
  Michelle Gauthier: So before you even get into what you're gonna teach us, that's a great example, even if you're working in an industry where that's not the traditional path.
• 6:05
  Karli Auble: Absolutely.
• 6:06
  Karli Auble: Yeah, I I got into positive psychology.
• 6:09
  Karli Auble: As I started taking the course, I started working on a capstone project and I kept coming back to I want to create this course on labor because there's so much from a mindset perspective that goes into childbirth and labor that I had seen in the past.
• 6:22
  Karli Auble: So as these lessons would come up, I'm like, oh, you could so apply that to labor.
• 6:26
  Karli Auble: But no, I'm not gonna do it.
• 6:27
  Karli Auble: Let me stop.
• 6:28
  Karli Auble: Let me apply it to engineering organization.
• 6:30
  Karli Auble: And I finally had one professor that, as I was starting to work towards my capstone, he was like, What would you want to do?
• 6:37
  Karli Auble: I explained it, but I'm gonna shift back and do it all for towards work.
• 6:40
  Karli Auble: And he was like, Hey, Karli, is there no women engineers that ever have babies?
• 6:45
  Karli Auble: And I was like, Yeah, we all do.
• 6:46
  Karli Auble: And he was like, So could you offer this to your organization?
• 6:49
  Karli Auble: And I'm like, Oh my gosh, it would make me so uncomfortable if I did that, right?
• 6:53
  Karli Auble: Because nobody is out there offering childbirth classes.
• 6:57
  Karli Auble: And he was like, I think you totally should do it.
• 6:59
  Karli Auble: Do it, do the research on it.
• 7:01
  Karli Auble: You're obviously very passionate about it.
• 7:03
  Karli Auble: So I created a positive childbirth class all rooted in positive psychology.
• 7:08
  Karli Auble: And I offered it to my company.
• 7:10
  Karli Auble: They ended up offering it to not just US, but all the other countries that were involved with as well.
• 7:15
  Karli Auble: So we had women in Europe and we had individuals all over the country taking it.
• 7:20
  Karli Auble: And it was so cool.
• 7:22
  Karli Auble: We ended up having over 30 people in that original class, most from my from my company.
• 7:27
  Karli Auble: And just to see the impact that had for people reaching out, that was like, I can't believe that this is something our company is allowing us to do.
• 7:34
  Karli Auble: I've learned so much mindset.
• 7:36
  Karli Auble: Hey, I'm using this now as I come back to work, all these mindset shifts.
• 7:40
  Karli Auble: It was a lot of fun.
• 7:41
  Karli Auble: That's how I originally got into it.
• 7:43
  Karli Auble: And now have just continued to share the message of positive psychology even after childbirth and how you can incorporate it into your day-to-day at work as well.
• 7:52
  Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
• 7:53
  Michelle Gauthier: So, what you're saying, another good example of okay, I should do this thing, but then your body and your mind were telling you this is where it's really needed.
• 8:01
  Michelle Gauthier: And you gave yourself permission with a little encouragement from somebody, which never hurts anything, to do what you really wanted to do because you had a passion for having positive childbirth experiences.
• 8:12
  Michelle Gauthier: And then you realized that this Thrive framework could be helpful for childbirth.
• 8:18
  Michelle Gauthier: And at least people are telling you that was helpful, but also it's helping me just in my everyday life, which is why I thought it'd be great to have you on the podcast.
• 8:25
  Michelle Gauthier: So maybe somebody will use this for their childbirth, but maybe they'll just use it for whatever challenge they're having today.
• 8:31
  Michelle Gauthier: Like my challenge is how am I gonna help my 18-year-old decide if he wants to go to college or do something else next year?
• 8:38
  Michelle Gauthier: This is so stressful.
• 8:39
  Michelle Gauthier: So, no matter what your challenge is, it sounds like this could be a good framework to use.
• 8:44
  Karli Auble: Yeah, I think the first realization for me was a dear friend of mine was writing this book, and she was inviting women from across different areas in STEM.
• 8:53
  Karli Auble: So, not only where they were in their career in STEM, but also did they have kids, did they not have kids, all of these different factors.
• 9:00
  Karli Auble: She was inviting us to write chapters in her book on what it's like to be a woman in STEM.
• 9:05
  Karli Auble: And I remember thinking, like, gosh, yeah, I could use different examples, but I'm not sure.
• 9:10
  Karli Auble: And I had this moment of imposter syndrome where I'm like on this work trip thinking about what am I gonna write about, and then having all these feelings of missing home and just getting back into work.
• 9:20
  Karli Auble: And then New Year's rolled around and I had just had this long extended break with my kids.
• 9:25
  Karli Auble: And I remember just bawling, thinking about, oh my gosh, I have to go back to work tomorrow.
• 9:29
  Karli Auble: I don't want to go back to work tomorrow.
• 9:31
  Karli Auble: I'm thinking about this book.
• 9:32
  Karli Auble: What in the world am I gonna write in this book?
• 9:34
  Karli Auble: Am I a fraud because I'm like helping people, women in STEM, but I'm feeling this way myself?
• 9:39
  Karli Auble: And then I was thinking about the Thrive Framework, and I'm like, my gosh, I need the Thrive Framework myself in this moment right now, like my thoughts, my habits, my relationships that I have at work, the instincts, what am I valuing and the environment around me?
• 9:53
  Karli Auble: And I was like, I could use this framework that I had set up for childbirth in my own work environment.
• 9:58
  Karli Auble: So let's experiment with it and then I'll write the chapter around it.
• 10:01
  Karli Auble: And I did, and it was just so interesting.
• 10:04
  Karli Auble: We can hop into any of those sections, but the first one is your thoughts, right?
• 10:07
  Karli Auble: And what are my thoughts?
• 10:09
  Karli Auble: What are your thoughts around your child and college or note college?
• 10:12
  Karli Auble: And my thoughts repetitive, just like, I can't go in the office tomorrow.
• 10:15
  Karli Auble: I don't want to be in the office, I don't want to work.
• 10:18
  Karli Auble: And I think that was the first thing that stepped me out of it.
• 10:20
  Karli Auble: I'm not gonna be a stay-at-home mom.
• 10:22
  Karli Auble: So what is it?
• 10:23
  Karli Auble: What are these thoughts?
• 10:24
  Karli Auble: What am I telling myself?
• 10:25
  Karli Auble: And are they really true or not?
• 10:26
  Karli Auble: So that was the first positive psychology lesson where I was like, oh, can I apply these other areas of the Thrive framework?
• 10:33
  Karli Auble: And sure enough, every section I was like, yes, I do need to change my habits.
• 10:36
  Karli Auble: I do need to change my relationships and going down the line and realizing that it was very applicable not only to labor, but any challenge that you're approaching.
• 10:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 10:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so I want you to finish talking us through your example and going through the whole Thrive.
• 10:49
  Michelle Gauthier: But real quick, tell us the name of the book that you wrote the chapter in.
• 10:53
  Karli Auble: The book is beyond the pipeline.
• 10:55
  Karli Auble: Women in STEM, everybody is saying that there's this leaky pipeline and that women are leaving STEM careers.
• 11:01
  Karli Auble: Then how do we keep women in STEM?
• 11:02
  Karli Auble: And so it's really all women talking about their experience, some that have completely left the field, some that have chosen to stay in, talking about their experiences as a mom, as not a mom, things that they sacrifice to stay in STEM.
• 11:16
  Karli Auble: Michelle, we've talked about leave and how much time we get as well.
• 11:19
  Karli Auble: It's really interesting.
• 11:20
  Karli Auble: There's, I believe, over 20 authors that had a chance to write in it.
• 11:24
  Karli Auble: And my chapter is on surviving to thriving.
• 11:27
  Michelle Gauthier: That's great.
• 11:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for sharing that.
• 11:28
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay.
• 11:29
  Michelle Gauthier: How do we thrive?
• 11:30
  Karli Auble: Positive psychology, right?
• 11:31
  Karli Auble: Everybody has this.
• 11:32
  Karli Auble: When I say positive psychology, they're like, so everything's sunshine and rainbows.
• 11:36
  Karli Auble: And this is where I'm like, Michelle, you could be a positive psychology professor.
• 11:40
  Karli Auble: It's not that life should be all sunshine and rainbows, but it's how do you deal with the hard times when they come through?
• 11:46
  Karli Auble: So over 20 years ago, Dr.
• 11:48
  Karli Auble: Martin Seligman became the president of the APA.
• 11:52
  Karli Auble: And he made a call to all the psychologists that was like, hey, we focus so much on diagnosing people and what's wrong with people, what mental illness do they have, but we don't really focus on how do we get people to go from just being content in life to thriving.
• 12:07
  Karli Auble: And so that's where the thrive acronym first came into my mind, the words like flourishing or thriving.
• 12:12
  Karli Auble: So how do you just get off the oh, every day is every day to I love my life.
• 12:17
  Karli Auble: I love doing what I'm doing.
• 12:19
  Michelle Gauthier: I also think like that idea of I really want to have a life that I absolutely love, not just a life that's every day is okay.
• 12:27
  Michelle Gauthier: And it seems like most people don't even consider that or give themselves permission to even want that.
• 12:32
  Michelle Gauthier: Like, well, it's supposed to be hard.
• 12:34
  Michelle Gauthier: Work's supposed to be hard, life's supposed to be hard, but not so, say Carly and Michelle.
• 12:39
  Karli Auble: Yeah, exactly.
• 12:40
  Karli Auble: Think of had I gone down that path of the executive MBA, I would be doing the same thing like ho-hum, going into work, climbing the ladder.
• 12:48
  Karli Auble: And this has just brought so many flowers and new things into my life.
• 12:52
  Karli Auble: So thoughts, the thought that was going in my head was like, I hate my job, everything is terrible.
• 12:57
  Karli Auble: I don't want to go back into the office.
• 12:59
  Karli Auble: Again, the thought that kind of snapped me out of that was maybe I want to stay at home with my kids, which I'm like realistically, that's not, I know that's not me inherently, and God bless everybody that does, because I think that's the hardest job in the world.
• 13:11
  Karli Auble: And I started checking myself, like, these thoughts aren't even true.
• 13:14
  Karli Auble: What is true for me?
• 13:15
  Karli Auble: I just had this incredible long extended period with my kids.
• 13:20
  Karli Auble: I enjoyed every moment most of the time, right?
• 13:23
  Karli Auble: Let's be honest, there were some terrible times, but I enjoyed it.
• 13:27
  Michelle Gauthier: The two wild boys in the toddler phase.
• 13:30
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm sure it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but some.
• 13:33
  Karli Auble: Yes, exactly.
• 13:34
  Karli Auble: I do love a lot of things about my career.
• 13:37
  Karli Auble: I love that I have a consistent paycheck.
• 13:39
  Karli Auble: I love some of my peers.
• 13:41
  Karli Auble: There are a lot of things that I'm looking forward to going back for.
• 13:43
  Karli Auble: It's just I'm having these thoughts, and what can I do to change those thoughts?
• 13:47
  Karli Auble: Focusing more on the positives of my job helped pull me out of that spiral.
• 13:51
  Karli Auble: That was the first step.
• 13:52
  Karli Auble: The next one is habits, and there's many ways that you can go from a habit perspective, but going down the thought train, it's really important to understand you have anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day.
• 14:05
  Karli Auble: And from a habit perspective, when you have a thought, it's like you're going down a pathway.
• 14:11
  Karli Auble: And if you're looking at one trail that is completely beaten, a beaten path and but looks easy to walk down, you're gonna inherently go down that path versus the one that has bushes and shrubs and everything over it.
• 14:23
  Karli Auble: So think of that from like your thought process.
• 14:26
  Karli Auble: If you inherently come up to something and you're like, I hate my job, that path is gonna widen.
• 14:32
  Karli Auble: This is scientifically in your brain, those networks are gonna get wider and easier for you to just navigate to.
• 14:39
  Karli Auble: So I started realizing when I came back to work that I have those thought patterns over and over.
• 14:44
  Karli Auble: I hate this job.
• 14:45
  Karli Auble: I hate these people.
• 14:46
  Karli Auble: All of these negative things that were getting really easy for me to just default to.
• 14:50
  Karli Auble: There's a lot of different studies that they've had, but one habit of gratitude can really pull you out of that.
• 14:56
  Karli Auble: So three things a day in the morning, I would just write down what are three things about today that are great.
• 15:01
  Karli Auble: Like a coworker brought in this really nice coffee, or I had an hour of quiet time before anybody got to me, or my kids all went off and they didn't yell at me for the shoes that they were wearing, or whatever little thing I could think of.
• 15:14
  Karli Auble: And you could really tell the difference of that one simple habit making that positive pathway larger so that when I got in, I wasn't just like immediately everything is bad.
• 15:25
  Karli Auble: This is all terrible.
• 15:26
  Karli Auble: My life is falling apart.
• 15:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, that's so great.
• 15:29
  Michelle Gauthier: Such a good example.
• 15:30
  Michelle Gauthier: And our brain just loves the familiar.
• 15:32
  Michelle Gauthier: It doesn't love what's better for us.
• 15:34
  Michelle Gauthier: It's just what's the path of least resistance?
• 15:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, yeah, I hate my job.
• 15:37
  Michelle Gauthier: I hate these people.
• 15:38
  Michelle Gauthier: It's so easy.
• 15:39
  Michelle Gauthier: That's a great way to pull yourself out of it.
• 15:41
  Michelle Gauthier: It is amazing.
• 15:42
  Michelle Gauthier: Just this morning, I was doing writing down the three gratitude things.
• 15:45
  Michelle Gauthier: And before that, I was just in a little bit of a funky mood, and I wrote down one and then two, and I was like, it's crazy how well this actually works.
• 15:53
  Michelle Gauthier: I don't even remember right now what I wrote down, but it was all a sudden I was just elevated.
• 15:57
  Michelle Gauthier: It just worked.
• 15:58
  Karli Auble: Yes.
• 15:58
  Karli Auble: And that's what I could geek out about this from like a positive psychology standpoint.
• 16:03
  Karli Auble: But if you dive into the studies, like depression is decreased, anxiety is decreased.
• 16:08
  Karli Auble: Like all of these super incredible things can happen from that one small little habit.
• 16:12
  Karli Auble: So highly recommend that.
• 16:14
  Karli Auble: I think you even have a sheet that people can go online and grab.
• 16:17
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yes, exactly.
• 16:18
  Michelle Gauthier: I have a morning routine that includes that because I think it's so important.
• 16:22
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, I love it.
• 16:24
  Michelle Gauthier: So we got the T, we got the H.
• 16:25
  Michelle Gauthier: Now, relationships.
• 16:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Is that what you said the R was?
• 16:28
  Karli Auble: Yeah.
• 16:28
  Karli Auble: When I think of birth and relationships, there's all the relationships that you should think of, like birth partner, doula.
• 16:34
  Karli Auble: And then as I started to think about it from a work perspective, all of the people that I had been relying on from a mentor perspective weren't really people that reflect my life.
• 16:43
  Karli Auble: And being a woman in STEM, that can be challenging.
• 16:45
  Karli Auble: If I looked around, my peers were people with stay-at-home moms.
• 16:49
  Karli Auble: There were people that had kids that were in college, people that chose not to have kids.
• 16:53
  Karli Auble: And I was like this oddball person that had two crazy kids and another on the way.
• 16:58
  Karli Auble: And I wasn't really able to have those like reflective periods of oh, I feel like my values are off.
• 17:04
  Karli Auble: Or I felt like I couldn't share some of those things with them.
• 17:06
  Karli Auble: So being really intentional about seeking out women that had careers that I aspired to and being like, how do you do it?
• 17:15
  Karli Auble: And we always think, oh, I can't reach out to that person because they're so high up.
• 17:19
  Karli Auble: But I have never felt like that person didn't just welcome that with open arms.
• 17:23
  Karli Auble: And a lot of times, like those people are lonelier.
• 17:26
  Karli Auble: Like I admitted, hey, I feel really lonely in this class.
• 17:28
  Karli Auble: And I remember this director was like, I feel even lonelier.
• 17:32
  Karli Auble: Like I remember how you felt, and I felt the same, but I feel even more so now.
• 17:36
  Karli Auble: So having you reach out really benefited me too.
• 17:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, that's so nice.
• 17:40
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 17:41
  Michelle Gauthier: And it's amazing when you share a little bit of something vulnerable, how it really encourages the other person to do the same.
• 17:48
  Karli Auble: If anybody wants to do a positive psychology activity, finding somebody that you really admire and writing a note, like a heartfelt, hey, I have these memories or this is where this came from.
• 17:58
  Karli Auble: And then not only delivering it, but delivering it and reading it to them, which is super uncomfortable.
• 18:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh my gosh.
• 18:04
  Karli Auble: But there's a ton of studies on this as well.
• 18:07
  Karli Auble: And the benefit that you get, that's the longest lasting benefit that you can have of joy and happiness.
• 18:12
  Karli Auble: Sometimes can last weeks, if not months.
• 18:14
  Karli Auble: That's habit reset is really great when you're thinking of top three things you're grateful for, but actually delivering it, reading it can be a lasting impact for you.
• 18:23
  Karli Auble: And then not only the benefit that the receiver gets as well.
• 18:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, but that's interesting that the true benefit is to the giver.
• 18:29
  Michelle Gauthier: You know, the receiver, yes, of course they're thinking that's great, but who did you do yours to?
• 18:35
  Karli Auble: I did mine to Becky Vollmer.
• 18:37
  Karli Auble: She's an author that is in St.
• 18:39
  Karli Auble: Louis.
• 18:39
  Karli Auble: She has a book called You Are Not Stuck.
• 18:41
  Karli Auble: I I saw this book in the Webster Kirkwood Times in our area, and I'm like, wow, I'm a self-help book junkie.
• 18:48
  Karli Auble: Of course, I should read this.
• 18:49
  Karli Auble: Read it, and I just felt such a kindred spirit to her, like the way she writes about her corporate environment and what she was going through as a woman and how she created her own thing.
• 18:58
  Karli Auble: And I remember being like, I'm gonna write this note, but I can't reach out to Becky Vulmer.
• 19:03
  Karli Auble: I don't know her.
• 19:04
  Karli Auble: Like all of these things, did it anyways, got coffee with her, and she's an incredible person.
• 19:08
  Karli Auble: And like Oh my gosh, you got coffee with her.
• 19:11
  Karli Auble: How fun.
• 19:12
  Karli Auble: I also did a note to my grandma, and that was a really interesting thing, and did the whole in-person.
• 19:17
  Karli Auble: And I'm one of those people where I'm like, I'm not a crier.
• 19:19
  Karli Auble: I'm not gonna cry when I deliver this note.
• 19:21
  Karli Auble: And then of course, it's weird, it's vulnerable, it's uncomfortable, and just tears are flowing.
• 19:25
  Karli Auble: And yeah.
• 19:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 19:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh my gosh, I challenge everyone listening to do this.
• 19:29
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
• 19:29
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna do it.
• 19:31
  Karli Auble: So I is instincts.
• 19:33
  Karli Auble: I'll geek out on people real quick.
• 19:34
  Karli Auble: I'm in the aerospace industry.
• 19:36
  Karli Auble: In an airplane, there are many systems that have to work together.
• 19:40
  Karli Auble: I encourage people to think of their bodies as an aircraft.
• 19:43
  Karli Auble: You have all of these systems that are working together, the sensors, the computer, and there are error codes that will pop up and say, okay, something is not right.
• 19:51
  Karli Auble: We have to look up what's going on and then fix the problem.
• 19:54
  Karli Auble: If you have all these error codes popping up and you're not doing anything about it, it can be detrimental to the aircraft, to the pilots, to everybody involved.
• 20:03
  Karli Auble: And I had this moment sitting in a meeting when we were talking about these error codes.
• 20:07
  Karli Auble: And I was like, the day before I had left work and I was just like called my husband.
• 20:12
  Karli Auble: I'm like, my shoulders are up to my ears.
• 20:15
  Karli Auble: And I was noticing that every day as I'm leaving, I'm just like, my shoulders are here.
• 20:20
  Karli Auble: And and I never even knew like, how did they get here?
• 20:23
  Karli Auble: But they're here and they're stuck and I just need time to decompress.
• 20:26
  Karli Auble: And I was in this meeting and I'm like, I'm not listening to my own error codes all day.
• 20:32
  Karli Auble: So it's not until I like shut the laptop, walk outside, sit in my car that I'm like, oh, there's a problem here.
• 20:38
  Karli Auble: So I started to really just listen to my body throughout meetings.
• 20:42
  Karli Auble: I was noticing that as somebody is talking or giving feedback, I would start to feel like my heart start racing.
• 20:49
  Karli Auble: I would see my cheeks are starting to blush on our Zoom call or whatever it might be.
• 20:53
  Karli Auble: But I wasn't listening to those all day.
• 20:54
  Karli Auble: So when those things would happen, I would change something in my environment.
• 20:58
  Karli Auble: One of the best things you can do is the box breath, which I know you've talked about on here before, Michelle, too.
• 21:04
  Karli Auble: You breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, breathe out for a count of four, and then hold for another count of four.
• 21:10
  Karli Auble: It's something easily accessible.
• 21:12
  Karli Auble: You can do any day, you can do it in a work meeting.
• 21:15
  Karli Auble: Nobody can even notice.
• 21:16
  Karli Auble: And that was really instincts just listening to your body, making the changes that you needed to, so that when you leave, you don't have your shoulders up next to your ears.
• 21:25
  Karli Auble: This catastrophic burnout.
• 21:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes.
• 21:27
  Michelle Gauthier: That was such a good catch.
• 21:29
  Michelle Gauthier: Because if you would have just not noticed that and kept those up, who knows what could have happened.
• 21:34
  Michelle Gauthier: I feel like eventually stuff like that goes to our body and you get extreme burnout where you can't do anything.
• 21:40
  Michelle Gauthier: So good catch on that.
• 21:41
  Michelle Gauthier: That's great.
• 21:42
  Michelle Gauthier: And I do think we all have instincts when something is off or something's not working and we can bury it, push it down, shove it to the back of our mind.
• 21:51
  Karli Auble: Yeah.
• 21:51
  Karli Auble: And that's where, and think back to your relationships there too.
• 21:55
  Karli Auble: If I had the instinct that I didn't want to do this executive MBA, if I didn't have a Coach, I don't know that I would have been listening to my instincts.
• 22:03
  Karli Auble: So that's where those relationships and taking advantage of that come and play so well.
• 22:07
  Karli Auble: And like Michelle, my husband coaching with you, I feel like what instincts would he not have listened to if he didn't have somebody there to pull those out?
• 22:16
  Karli Auble: So again, that's just another plug for the relationships and making sure that people are fully supported so that they are listening to those things and they're not just leaving work with their ears next to their shoulders and saying that's life.
• 22:29
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, exactly.
• 22:29
  Michelle Gauthier: And I think you gave some examples too, where if you have a mentor, we used to get mentors assigned at work too.
• 22:35
  Michelle Gauthier: If you have a mentor who can maybe help you with work stuff, but isn't the mentor that you're looking for.
• 22:40
  Michelle Gauthier: And if you don't have the luck to have a coach at work, you could either find a coach outside or just ask someone.
• 22:47
  Michelle Gauthier: That was my favorite thing at work when I got to mentor someone, you know, who because I've already been there, I've already gone through the pain, I've already figured it out.
• 22:54
  Michelle Gauthier: Let me help you.
• 22:55
  Michelle Gauthier: So I feel like make it your own responsibility to get a mentor for yourself that you really feel like is a fit for you, even if your company doesn't do it for you.
• 23:06
  Karli Auble: Exactly.
• 23:06
  Karli Auble: After instincts, it's values.
• 23:09
  Karli Auble: One of the positive psychology practices or assignments that we were given were to have the wheel of life done what we're doing.
• 23:17
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I use that all the time.
• 23:18
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 23:19
  Karli Auble: So you have this circle, and around the edges, there's things like career, money, relationships, spirituality, and you show where you are with that.
• 23:27
  Karli Auble: That's really eye-opening, right?
• 23:29
  Karli Auble: To see, you know, where you are and if you're living towards your values.
• 23:34
  Karli Auble: And I talk about the example from work where mine were really tested.
• 23:37
  Karli Auble: They were being tested big time.
• 23:39
  Karli Auble: So at the time, my husband was traveling for work.
• 23:41
  Karli Auble: I had two kids.
• 23:42
  Karli Auble: Drop off was madness.
• 23:44
  Karli Auble: It's two different places.
• 23:45
  Karli Auble: Again, I was in this engineering management role where every meeting started at 7:30 in the morning.
• 23:51
  Michelle Gauthier: How convenient for all the parents.
• 23:54
  Karli Auble: Yeah.
• 23:54
  Karli Auble: My best effort that I could do because of the way that daycare opened up was if all cylinders were firing, right?
• 24:01
  Karli Auble: I could drop my baby off at daycare at 7 a.m., which is wild period.
• 24:07
  Karli Auble: I would then go to the other school, be in the parking lot waiting for them to unlock the doors, drop off at 7:30.
• 24:14
  Karli Auble: And then while all my peers were like butt in seat with coffee in hand, I would join the call from 7:30 to 8 a.m., scrambling in the car, listening to the call on Zoom and feeling just like a failure from the beginning.
• 24:27
  Karli Auble: And so when I look at the values, I remember I had a mentor that had mentioned, like, hey, why don't you outsource your mornings?
• 24:34
  Karli Auble: You're a manager, you can figure that out.
• 24:36
  Karli Auble: Like just outsource them.
• 24:38
  Karli Auble: And I remember thinking, man, I I love my job, but I already feel like I'm squeezed from a family time to begin with.
• 24:44
  Karli Auble: So even though those mornings are crazy and chaotic, like those are still my mornings and I still get that time.
• 24:50
  Karli Auble: And that was something that if I were to outsource that, it would feel like I'm sacrificing something that I value that's really high on my value list.
• 24:58
  Karli Auble: So instead, I talked to my manager and I just shared, like, hey, this is what my morning looks like, and I'm trying really hard.
• 25:04
  Karli Auble: And I'll never forget he was like, How about eight o'clock?
• 25:07
  Karli Auble: And even if you come in at 8:05, that works for all of us.
• 25:10
  Karli Auble: It's fine, it's no big deal.
• 25:11
  Karli Auble: I'm like, Oh my gosh.
• 25:13
  Karli Auble: That sounds great.
• 25:13
  Karli Auble: We had the hard conversation, changed the meetings to 8 a.m.
• 25:16
  Karli Auble: And my peer who does have young kids was like, Oh, I was able to drop my kids off and my wife really appreciates it.
• 25:21
  Karli Auble: I didn't know you were the person that made that change.
• 25:24
  Karli Auble: Thanks for that.
• 25:24
  Karli Auble: So again, yeah, just really sticking with your values and trusting your instincts on when something doesn't feel right, making the change that works for you.
• 25:33
  Karli Auble: And my boss could have easily said no, but by speaking up and communicating what I needed, it was like a very simple change for other people as well.
• 25:41
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, that's such a great example that you asked that question.
• 25:45
  Michelle Gauthier: And then probably as a manager, you're not setting a 7:30 meeting.
• 25:49
  Michelle Gauthier: But if someone were to come to you, then you can make that change.
• 25:52
  Michelle Gauthier: So having people like you in a leadership position is so great because then you can change those little things and enable people to live by their values too.
• 26:01
  Karli Auble: Yep, exactly.
• 26:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I remember when I was I had two kids already.
• 26:06
  Michelle Gauthier: I think my Josie was a baby though.
• 26:08
  Michelle Gauthier: So I had pretty little kids.
• 26:10
  Michelle Gauthier: And I remember I asked this woman who was, I think, two levels above me.
• 26:13
  Michelle Gauthier: I was intimidated and I was like, How do you do it?
• 26:16
  Michelle Gauthier: I think she had three kids, maybe, and she's like, I have a live-in nanny and my husband stays home, and I usually cry every day on the way home from work.
• 26:24
  Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, Oh, okay.
• 26:27
  Michelle Gauthier: And I really appreciated her honesty, actually, because I was like, I'm seeing all these women in these positions, and I'm thinking it must be possible.
• 26:35
  Michelle Gauthier: And even she with a stay-at-home spouse and a full-time nanny was like, I usually cry on the way home from work because I've missed something because I'm working so much.
• 26:43
  Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, Thanks for that.
• 26:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Like it was honestly so helpful.
• 26:47
  Michelle Gauthier: So even if you're not getting somebody who's, oh, here's all the tips and tricks for how to make it work, she was like, No, it still sucks.
• 26:52
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm just higher up here than you, but it still sucks.
• 26:55
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, and that's really helpful to me.
• 26:57
  Michelle Gauthier: It really helped me think, do I want to stay in this industry forever?
• 27:00
  Michelle Gauthier: Do I want to work like this forever?
• 27:01
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 27:02
  Michelle Gauthier: No was the answer in my case.
• 27:04
  Karli Auble: Exactly.
• 27:05
  Karli Auble: Yes.
• 27:05
  Karli Auble: And that's why one of the tenets of positive psychology is that when something feels off, that's really good thing, right?
• 27:12
  Karli Auble: That is your body saying, Oh, that doesn't feel good.
• 27:14
  Karli Auble: So you hearing that is that's not what I want to do for the rest of my life.
• 27:18
  Karli Auble: And maybe that kind of spurred or changed something for you too.
• 27:21
  Karli Auble: It's having those.
• 27:22
  Karli Auble: I remember having the same thing where somebody was like, Oh, it's perfect.
• 27:26
  Karli Auble: I travel during the week, I come home Thursday, I have all weekend with my kids, and then I fly out on Sunday, and it's awesome.
• 27:32
  Karli Auble: And I was just thinking, I don't want that.
• 27:34
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 27:34
  Michelle Gauthier: And if that's their values and they like it, great.
• 27:37
  Michelle Gauthier: But if you're listening to that thinking, I do not want that.
• 27:41
  Karli Auble: Yeah.
• 27:41
  Michelle Gauthier: Yep.
• 27:42
  Michelle Gauthier: I also had a really high up, in fact, she might have been like the boss of all of us.
• 27:47
  Michelle Gauthier: But she was giving us a speech one time for a women's network, and she was like, outsource that which is not memorable.
• 27:53
  Michelle Gauthier: Now that was very helpful to me.
• 27:55
  Michelle Gauthier: Like things that are not memorable to me are like laundry, stuff like that.
• 27:59
  Michelle Gauthier: And she's giving examples and she's soccer games when they're six years old.
• 28:02
  Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, that is memorable.
• 28:05
  Michelle Gauthier: I put that in the memorable category, but it was just interesting to see.
• 28:09
  Michelle Gauthier: No judgment on her if that's just not her thing.
• 28:12
  Michelle Gauthier: But for me, I was like, that's never gonna get outsourced in my life.
• 28:15
  Michelle Gauthier: But the concept is so good, exactly.
• 28:17
  Karli Auble: And that's why the value section is really important and having that wheel of life is interesting because what my values are not gonna be what your values or somebody else's, and that's okay, and that's totally fine.
• 28:28
  Karli Auble: But it's just being true to your values and your time.
• 28:30
  Karli Auble: Yes, my mornings were chaotic, but I loved it, right?
• 28:33
  Karli Auble: Like I loved those nuances, and that might have worked for somebody else's family, but for me, like I wanted that time.
• 28:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so E.
• 28:41
  Michelle Gauthier: What's the E?
• 28:42
  Karli Auble: Yeah, environments.
• 28:43
  Karli Auble: I came in day one of work in the new year, and I just looked at my office.
• 28:47
  Karli Auble: Like my plants, they had already started dying before I left.
• 28:50
  Karli Auble: So it wasn't just because they were there.
• 28:53
  Michelle Gauthier: They were dying together.
• 28:55
  Karli Auble: They were dying together.
• 28:56
  Karli Auble: Yeah.
• 28:56
  Karli Auble: So they were gone, gone.
• 28:58
  Karli Auble: I had clutter on my desk that like I wasn't able to clean up before leaving for the new year because of course that was chaotic.
• 29:05
  Karli Auble: Everything in my office was just pure chaos.
• 29:08
  Karli Auble: And I remember thinking, like, okay, Thrive Framework Environments is like setting yourself up for success, having that clean environment so that you can make it as peaceful as possible.
• 29:18
  Karli Auble: And so that first day, before I like opened up any emails, I'm like, all right, these plants are gone.
• 29:23
  Karli Auble: Take those to the nursery when I leave this place.
• 29:26
  Karli Auble: I'm gonna declutter this paperwork, get it off, make sure I have a clean space.
• 29:31
  Karli Auble: I went home and I looked at what books give me a ton of motivation.
• 29:35
  Karli Auble: Like Michelle, I see you have them in the back.
• 29:37
  Karli Auble: I have Becky Vollmer's book, You're Not Stuck.
• 29:39
  Karli Auble: So it's almost like a mantra of visually, as I'm on my computer, I can see that.
• 29:45
  Karli Auble: I can see Untamed by Glenn and Doyle and some other books that are my favorites.
• 29:49
  Karli Auble: There was a leaky ceiling tile that I can call and get it replaced.
• 29:53
  Karli Auble: I did, and then within 24 hours, it was gone.
• 29:56
  Karli Auble: So this environment that I was coming into was unwelcoming.
• 29:59
  Karli Auble: And every day I came in and of course didn't want to be there.
• 30:02
  Karli Auble: And just by doing that simple act of making it clean, calm, I started putting on meditation music in the morning as I started my routine.
• 30:10
  Karli Auble: And I remember thinking, man, these people are gonna think I'm wild in here, but it brought me so much peace and it completely changed the way I almost got excited to go and I hate to even hesitate to say that, but excited.
• 30:23
  Karli Auble: Oh, look, this plant just grew another leaf and look how it's coming out.
• 30:26
  Karli Auble: And I have my meditation music on.
• 30:28
  Karli Auble: And I remember one of my coworkers coming in and he was like, it feels so it feels calm.
• 30:33
  Karli Auble: I like being in here because it feels calm.
• 30:35
  Karli Auble: And I was like, Yeah, me too.
• 30:36
  Michelle Gauthier: So that that's that's a great example.
• 30:38
  Michelle Gauthier: And that was like a hundred percent in your control, zero dollars, right?
• 30:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Like you're not buying stuff, you're getting books that you already have at home, and just the mindset shift of I'm going to purposefully make this into a place that I like.
• 30:52
  Karli Auble: Yeah, and like from a labor perspective, you talk all about like how can you make it where you have all these happy hormones coming up for you, and how do you just make it as as clean as possible?
• 31:03
  Karli Auble: So things that you love, pictures of your kids, which I had those, but like just needed a total refresh, did the whole office rejuvenation and was just like, wow, once I went through the thrive framework, I'm like, I can apply this to work, I can apply this to any challenge.
• 31:19
  Karli Auble: It felt really good to feel like all of these things were well within my control.
• 31:23
  Karli Auble: Like you said, they were all free.
• 31:25
  Karli Auble: I had access to change everything that I needed to.
• 31:28
  Karli Auble: I just needed to know that I could do it myself, versus sitting in that pity of despair of, oh, this is terrible.
• 31:35
  Karli Auble: Everything sucks.
• 31:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes, exactly.
• 31:37
  Michelle Gauthier: And I feel like we're all people will say to me, because I talk a lot about like decluttering and making your environment a place that you like to be, and people say, Oh, it doesn't really bother me.
• 31:47
  Michelle Gauthier: And I do think it can be varying degrees of bother, but when your coworker comes in your office and says it feels peaceful in here, or I always notice in my house, like I just redid my TV room and it just feels it's just feels good in there.
• 32:00
  Michelle Gauthier: I can't explain it.
• 32:01
  Michelle Gauthier: And now all three of us are always hanging out in there.
• 32:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Where before I have teenagers, so they just always want to go to their bedroom.
• 32:07
  Michelle Gauthier: And I'm not saying 24-7, but they'll come and sit in there.
• 32:10
  Michelle Gauthier: And even if I'm doing something, even if we're not all doing the same thing, like everybody likes to sit in there.
• 32:15
  Michelle Gauthier: It's just making the effort to be like, I want this to be a place that I love to be and I feel calm.
• 32:20
  Michelle Gauthier: And then other people can feel it too.
• 32:22
  Karli Auble: Yeah, exactly.
• 32:23
  Karli Auble: And I would say I'm one of those people that typically I joke like I can thrive in chaos, I don't care if it's cluttered or whatever, but it made such a difference.
• 32:31
  Karli Auble: Like when you walk into a space, and Michelle, I've heard you say this before, but like when you walk into a space and that pile of papers, like I immediately start this to-do list in my head of I need to do that, I needed to clutter, I need to give that paper to somewhere.
• 32:43
  Karli Auble: And if I don't just do it right, then that is always gonna be the first thing that clutters my brain as soon as I enter.
• 32:49
  Karli Auble: So just taking care of that, and every day I can come in and it's a fresh slate.
• 32:54
  Karli Auble: Like I don't have to worry about that, I can worry about the other tasks at hand.
• 32:57
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes, exactly.
• 32:59
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, this has been such a great conversation.
• 33:01
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us.
• 33:04
  Michelle Gauthier: One thing I do want to mention is that Carly does speak engagements too.
• 33:08
  Michelle Gauthier: So if this is the kind of thing that you feel like could apply your work, whether it's STEM or not, Carly could be a great resource for you.
• 33:16
  Michelle Gauthier: If they do run or reach out to you, where should they find you?
• 33:20
  Karli Auble: Yeah, absolutely.
• 33:20
  Karli Auble: You can reach out to me on my website.
• 33:22
  Karli Auble: It's www.lifenlabor.com.
• 33:26
  Karli Auble: That's life, the letter N, and then labor, L A B O R.
• 33:30
  Karli Auble: And then if you want to laugh along with me, I I post some things out on Instagram as well at life and labor, the same spelling.
• 33:38
  Karli Auble: So I always try to post the real stuff that motherhood is fun, but also challenging as well.
• 33:43
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 33:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Keeping it real over there for sure, for sure.
• 33:47
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh my gosh.
• 33:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much for being here.
• 33:50
  Michelle Gauthier: I really appreciate your expertise.
• 33:52
  Michelle Gauthier: And that was such a fun topic.
• 33:54
  Karli Auble: Of course, yeah.
• 33:55
  Karli Auble: Thank you for all you do.
• 33:56
  Karli Auble: And if you're listening, you're getting a master's in positive psychology.
• 33:59
  Karli Auble: Just go ahead and put it on.
• 34:00
  Michelle Gauthier: Keep on listening.
• 34:01
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, great.
• 34:02
  Michelle Gauthier: Yep.
• 34:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Thanks, Carly.
• 34:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 34:12
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
• 34:18
  Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.