Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Should you change your number after leaving a narcissist?

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Should you change your number after leaving a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be answering the question, should
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  you change your phone number when leaving a narcissist or a
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  toxic person? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of the
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  Narcissist Code Bang.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Yep, that is the question of the
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  hour. Y'all see the the hearts of my
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  my MacBook, my daughter, girl, girl, dad.
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  She likes putting hearts everywhere.
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  And I'm not going to take them off.
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  I don't care how masculine. It doesn't make me look.
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  I have people Weird, but yeah, should you change that number?
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  Should you give up a phone number that you that you've had
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  for 20-30 years? Like Lee?
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  I've had this phone number for 18 years.
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  This is like the last number I've had and I don't want to
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  change it, but I just can't stop this person from calling me.
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  I blocked their phone number. I they get a different phone
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  number, They use the text now app, they Google number.
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  They just keep finding the way to get through.
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  They call me from their friends phone numbers and other people.
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  They've actually called me from the new supplies phone number.
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  Like what do I do? So yeah, a lot of people will
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  tell you to not change their number.
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  Just being realistic. A lot of people say, hey, look,
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  you don't want to run away. You don't want to feel like they
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  they won. You don't want to feel like
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  you're giving in to the the abusive person or giving in to
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  the toxic person. And by changing your phone
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  number, right, you feel like a lot of people will tell you
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  that. A lot of people will give you
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  that advice and just say, look, don't change it.
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  Just keep blocking. Just keep blocking.
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  Just just press charges if you have to.
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  But you all know how it goes, like the police, let's be
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  realistic. And this is not no, no, I've got
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  some folks out there who just do the law enforcement stuff, but
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  the police are not always going to be on your side with this in
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  these situations. Y'all like you have to prove
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  that it's this person harassing you.
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  Sometimes they're just calling you and blowing your phone up
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  from fake numbers that are not attached to them, you know, and
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  it costs money. It takes time, effort, energy
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  and whatever to investigate to see what is to see who this
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  actually is. This person, you know, what
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  proof do you have is this person calling you is not just some
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  spam number or scam number. So sometimes that doesn't even
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  help you, right? That doesn't even help you to,
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  to, to call the police in these situations and whatnot because
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  like the police might not do anything about it.
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  And that can be even more frustrating for you when you're
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  trying to deal with this type of situation, when you're trying
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  to, when you're trying to navigate the, the subtle
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  intricacies of leaving a toxic relationship dynamic.
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  So then some people would just say don't change the number,
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  stay stay strong and they'll get tired.
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  Will not change your number and not responding to them and just
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  continuously blocking them. Will that were some narcissist
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  out? Yes, some of them will leave you
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  alone if you just stay the course.
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  You just keep blocking, not responding and what not right,
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  Keep blocking, keep blocking, keep blocking.
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  You're just kind of like hacking through the woods, right?
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  You're, you're in the middle of the kind of like you got air
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  dropped into the middle of a jungle, right?
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  And you're like, only thing you have is machete.
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  You got to hack through the woods to get out of there.
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  Just hacking, hacking, hacking the branches.
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  Like every branch is a new phone number or new method of
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  communication. Like not not even your phone
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  number like e-mail. They might e-mail or text you or
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  whatever, right? Hacking, hacking, hacking,
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  hacking, hacking, hacking until you get through and they
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  sometimes they will leave you alone.
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  Sometimes they get worn out and find a new person.
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  Whatever it is, they will leave you be, right?
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  But some of them won't. Yo, this ain't going for, and
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  I'm not trying to be doom and gloom, but I feel like a lot of
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  people can cosign this in the comment section.
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  Some of them will not leave you alone.
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  Some of them will continue to mess with you.
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  Some of them will continue to mess with you even after.
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  Like you continuously block them for years, years, years and you
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  know it's them, but you can't prove it's them because
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  sometimes they don't even say their name.
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  They don't even they don't like they'll send you a text message
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  that only you know it's them. Like some kind of like some kind
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  of like smoke signal or dog whistle to let you know it's
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  them. Like they'll say like Peggy Sue
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  and Peggy Sue is the name of the dog y'all used to have 10 years
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  ago or something like that. They'll say, how's Peggy Sue?
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  You know, something to let you know it's them, but not to
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  incriminate themselves because sometimes people think they're
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  smarter than what they are, right?
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  So they won't incriminate themselves in that situation
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  right there, but they'll still doing the same type of stuff.
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  So like some of them, like they will not get tired.
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  And sometimes, like I said, you have to force them to leave you
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  alone. Like you can try to exhaust them
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  because they're trying to exhaust you.
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  That's what they're like. Both of you, both of y'all are
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  trying to exhaust each other. You're trying to exhaust them by
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  continuously blocking them and just, you know, sending their
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  stuff to voicemail or, you know, just blocking and ignoring them
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  or whatever. They're trying to exhaust you
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  into giving up and just responding to them because in
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  their minds, any response is a win.
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  Even if you say, hey, leave me alone.
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  Leave me alone, Bill. You know, even if you're saying
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  something like, even if you're saying something like that, they
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  will feel that way right there. They'll just say, hey, leave me
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  alone, Bill, or something along those lines.
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  But that happens right there a lot, y'all.
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  They will just, you know, do the type of stuff.
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  But on the flip side of things, let's go to the flip side of
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  stuff, right? Should you change your phone
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  number, e-mail or whatever? My answer to the question
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  somehow it's necessary y'all you know sometimes it is necessary
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  because they're going to try to exhaust you you try to exhaust
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  them. These get tiresome.
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  Sometimes the best way is to change your number.
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  This is not look, you of course you do what you want to do.
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  If you don't want to give up that phone number because it's
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  it's easy to remember it's your high school phone number.
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  You, you got to create that phone number through you started
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  it through Cingular wireless and Alltel and whatever Nextel.
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  You had this number since since since back in the day, right?
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  You just been transferring this number to different services,
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  right? You do what you want to do.
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  But if it was me in this situation, I would change my
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  number. But do y'all, Oh my goodness,
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  let me say this right here. Let me say this as clear as I
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  could possibly say it. Do not change your number if
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  you're just going to give it to them.
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  Do not change your phone number if you think you, if you think
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  you, if the, if the ability, if the thought in your mind exists
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  for you to break no contact and you to call them or respond to
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  them or text them back or whatever.
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  Do not change your number because it just defeats the
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  purpose. And then you'd be frustrated
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  from changing your number. But I changed my number and I
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  gave it to him anyway. I'm such a failure.
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  You'll start beating yourself up and you could inadvertently
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  start a shame spiral that make you do more shameful things.
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  You, you'll feel like I've already done this one shameful
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  thing. I might as well keep doing
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  others. So do not change your number if
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  the possibility exists for you to give it to them anyway.
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  If you want to break down or you going to miss them or whatever,
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  don't change it and give it to them.
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  That's, that's, yeah, that's, that's, that's pointless.
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  To change your phone number just to give it to them is, is
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  pointless. This is really all I can say
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  about that. But that happens right there in
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  a lot of these spaces. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person, this is the mindset or the
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  mentality that you have to have right here, right?
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  It, it is. So me, I would change my number
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  because that's a clean slate. That's a clean slate.
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  This person doesn't have the number.
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  You don't have to worry about getting any random phone calls,
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  any random text messages. They're like you change your
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  phone number. It's a clean slate for you.
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  It's, it's kind of letting, it's kind of, if you look at it in a
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  different way, it's kind of releasing the energy that that
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  other phone number had, you know, no more missed calls, no
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  more anxiety to stay out. The reason I, I say sometimes
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  you have to change your phone number because imagine just
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  walking around every single day, right?
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  Not knowing if this person is going to text you or call you
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  today. Imagine that.
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  Imagine walking around dealing, like just trying to exist,
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  trying to live, not knowing if your toxic narcissistic ex is
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  going to call you or text you today, right?
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  Imagine that going on right there.
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  Imagine that happening, like you just don't know what to do.
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  You don't know what to say, you don't know how things are going
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  to go. You're just walking around and
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  imagine that happens right there.
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  Imagine it like there's so much anxiety and pressure, putting
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  yourself so much unnecessary stress.
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  Like I don't want to be on a date and this person keeps
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  calling and texting and blowing my phone up, changing your phone
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  number, because just release that anxiety.
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  Just release it. Let it loose, let it free,
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  right? It can absolutely just release
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  you from the ties that bond and allow you some healing and some
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  growth and some space to just do you couldn't it?
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  So that's something that's something to definitely consider
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  in that space right there to just allow yourself the the
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  space to heal and to grow and to continuously move forward and
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  what not. That's what can happen in the so
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  many of these spaces. So changing your phone number
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  could be the best bet. But like I said, don't change it
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  if you're just going to give it to them and don't like saying.
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  And you have to be very meticulous, meticulous about who
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  you give it to. If you have mutual friends that
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  are still friends with your toxic narcissistic stalkery as
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  ex, you might not want to give it to them because they might
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  just slip up and give it to your ex.
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  And then that defeats the purpose as well.
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  You don't want to change like that.
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  You don't have an e-mail address that you've had since high
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  school that just they just keep blowing up.
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  You don't want to change that and then give it to the wrong
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  person because like that you don't want to switch to a
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  different e-mail address and give it to the wrong person.
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  And then they give it to your ex and they just the process starts
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  all over again. That's adding additional stress.
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  So it's something to cons. It's definitely something to
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  consider. It's definitely something to
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  consider before moving forward and what not.
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  If I just tell you like, if you want, if this is something you
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  want to do, if you want that freedom, that's not worry about
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  or they're going to text me today or they're going to call
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  me today and can, can I try, can I try?
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  Am I going to have a free time? You know, are they going to blow
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  me up? Are they stalking me or
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  whatever? You can absolutely set yourself
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  free by not giving the number to certain people, by not doing it
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  to certain people, by not being around certain people because
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  like this gives you that freedom and that power to do this type
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  of stuff. So it's just like you have to
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  choose you. It's OK to choose you, right?
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  It's OK to pick you. It's OK to change that phone
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  number that you've had for a long time.
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  Of course, again, you got to make sure you don't give it like
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  whoever you give this number to say, hey, look, do not if you
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  are still in contact with my ex or whatever, do not give this to
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  them. Do not or you might have to cut
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  them off. You see, because they you don't
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  want to give it to you don't want to give your phone number
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  or your e-mail address or whatever to the to your new one,
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  to a person that's a flying monkey of your toxic
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  narcissistic ex. That again defeats the purpose
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  and will just start the process all over again.
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  Reinitiate the stress and things of that nature.
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  And then if you do change your phone number and they start
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  calling you or texting you, somehow they get it or whatever,
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  right? They get it.
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  Then you might be able to press charges.
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  All of a sudden, like I said, this is what happens because now
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  they harass you. Now they've changed phone
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  numbers. Now they, you know, they reached
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  out to you from a different number and things like that.
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  So sometimes it could be the best, your best bet to actually
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  change your phone number to allow you that space to heal,
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  allow you that space to get past this, allow you that space to
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  just like, damn, I'm done. I'm finally done with this
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  person. I have the freedom to move
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  forward from this person right now.
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  So it is something to consider like I know, I know a lot of us
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  have that, you know what I mean? I was getting a lot of spam
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  calls and emails and stuff like that to my phone number.
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  I had to change it recently like, but last year, you know,
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  this is just spam calls. This is not a toxic X.
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  This is just spam calls and it just sucks having to give it to
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  so many other people. And I'm a real estate agent in
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  North Carolina. So if you need a house North
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  Carolina, look up, look up, look me up.
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  But this is the type of stuff that happens right here y'all.
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  So check me out. Like I said, make sure you
• 11:58
  subscribe to the channel if you haven't.
• 11:59
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• 12:04
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• 12:07
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• 12:09
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• 12:13
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• 12:14
  Private zooms courses. Everything is at
• 12:16
  mentalillness.net. Y'all like and subscribe for
• 12:19
  more. And as always, mental illness is
• 12:21
  out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 12:27
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• 12:37
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• 12:39
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.