Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / This Is Michelle Saniei

Transcript

This Is Michelle Saniei · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:06
Speaker 1: Well, this is exciting. I am here today to do
0:09
Speaker 1: my very first podcast, something I never imagine doing and
0:14
Speaker 1: definitely out of my comfort zone. I feel like all
0:17
Speaker 1: my life, all I've ever done is do things that
0:21
Speaker 1: are uncomfortable for me, which makes me grow as a person.
0:25
Speaker 1: And so I was literally born just such a quiet
0:29
Speaker 1: and shy person, and I feel like every single day
0:32
Speaker 1: I'm always out of my element and doing something uncomfortable.
0:36
Speaker 1: Most of you probably know me from a show I'm
0:39
Speaker 1: on called The Valley, and I'm doing this because I
0:42
Speaker 1: want you to know who I really am. I know
0:45
Speaker 1: that I'm hard to read at times. It's something I've
0:48
Speaker 1: heard all my life. I'm more shy and quiet than
0:51
Speaker 1: most people on reality TV. But this is my life
0:55
Speaker 1: and I want you all to know the real me.
0:57
Speaker 1: I do think in order to understand who I am,
1:00
Speaker 1: I am you really need to kind of know where
1:02
Speaker 1: I come from and how I got here. So I
1:06
Speaker 1: have two immigrant parents that came to LA in nineteen
1:09
Speaker 1: eighty five. My mom is from Guiliacan, Mexico, and my
1:13
Speaker 1: dad is from Tehran, Iran. They were both born and
1:17
Speaker 1: raised in their countries and decided to move to LA
1:20
Speaker 1: in their thirties. My dad was super intelligent, very strict
1:25
Speaker 1: with me, and he spoke five languages, hence why I
1:28
Speaker 1: have a little accent. I was raised by two parents
1:31
Speaker 1: that came from two different sides of the world, and
1:35
Speaker 1: I loved it because I got to experience two different cultures, food, languages, lifestyles.
1:42
Speaker 1: But they were both super loving and I couldn't have
1:45
Speaker 1: had a better upbringing In terms of love. I saw
1:50
Speaker 1: my parents truly love each other, respect one another, and
1:56
Speaker 1: it was an ideal marriage, at least in terms of
1:59
Speaker 1: my eyes. Prior to my parents getting married, my mom
2:03
Speaker 1: was actually married in Mexico and had my brother and sister,
2:07
Speaker 1: but her first husband passed away in a plane crash,
2:10
Speaker 1: and that is one of the reasons why she went
2:13
Speaker 1: to La. That is when she met my dad, and
2:16
Speaker 1: my dad said, come to LA I want to get married.
2:20
Speaker 1: And he raised my brother and sister as if it
2:23
Speaker 1: was his own children. So I never even got to
2:26
Speaker 1: feel that I had a half brother and sister. To me,
2:29
Speaker 1: they were just my brother and sister. So for a
2:32
Speaker 1: very long time, everything was amazing with my parents, my
2:36
Speaker 1: brother and sister, you would call it like the perfect family.
2:41
Speaker 1: I didn't see them fight, they respected each other. My
2:44
Speaker 1: dad was romantic. It was just like a very loving,
2:48
Speaker 1: normal household. And when I was about twelve years old,
2:53
Speaker 1: things slowly started changing with my dad's personality and mental state.
3:00
Speaker 1: Was studying psychology, she was getting a master's degree, and
3:03
Speaker 1: my mom would tell my sister the things that my
3:06
Speaker 1: dad was saying and doing, and we all had to
3:09
Speaker 1: sit down and have a conversation with him that he
3:11
Speaker 1: needed to get help and maybe get diagnosed. And that
3:16
Speaker 1: is when I remember. My dad picked me up from
3:20
Speaker 1: school one day and sat me down, and it was
3:23
Speaker 1: the first time I saw my dad cry. And he
3:25
Speaker 1: asked me if it was okay if he divorced my
3:28
Speaker 1: mom and if he could leave me because he didn't
3:31
Speaker 1: think it was safe for me to be around. And
3:34
Speaker 1: I said yes. So my life drastically changed in a
3:38
Speaker 1: matter of a day. I went from loving parents to
3:42
Speaker 1: suddenly my mom has to get her act together and
3:45
Speaker 1: figure out how to financially take care of me, to
3:49
Speaker 1: get a job, and to do everything else at the house.
3:53
Speaker 1: I was raised in West Hollywood and then we went
3:55
Speaker 1: to a really nice neighborhood in South Pasadena. That's where
3:58
Speaker 1: I lived with my parents and I went from living
4:01
Speaker 1: to a very nice community to all of a sudden,
4:04
Speaker 1: I had to move to San Diego by the border,
4:06
Speaker 1: a city called sanny Sidro, and everybody lived by the
4:11
Speaker 1: Mexican border, so you either lived in Mexico or in
4:14
Speaker 1: Sandy Sidro, and everybody spoke Spanish and it was just
4:17
Speaker 1: like a completely different culture change overnight for me. So
4:23
Speaker 1: fast forward to a crazy high school where I have
4:27
Speaker 1: girls just want to fight me, and it was just
4:30
Speaker 1: really hard because they called me the white girl. So
4:32
Speaker 1: I never really quite fit in because when I lived
4:35
Speaker 1: in La I was the Mexican Persian girl with the accent,
4:38
Speaker 1: and then I go to a Mexican school and then
4:40
Speaker 1: I'm the white girl, so I was just always out
4:42
Speaker 1: of place. Then I go to college and I have
4:45
Speaker 1: to support myself because my brother and sister had a degree,
4:49
Speaker 1: so I have to of course have a degree just
4:51
Speaker 1: because I want to be like everybody else. And that
4:53
Speaker 1: was always important to my dad. He always thought, no
4:56
Speaker 1: matter what school, even with a new general, that you
5:00
Speaker 1: need to have that knowledge and background. So to me,
5:03
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm going to go to cal
5:05
Speaker 1: State get a degree, but I also have to pay
5:07
Speaker 1: for school and there was a Hooters nearby, so I
5:11
Speaker 1: was like, what is the best way to have a
5:13
Speaker 1: night job, get paid well, and go to school. So
5:16
Speaker 1: I was a Hooters girl for about five to six years.
5:19
Speaker 1: And I was naturally a very quiet and shy girl.
5:22
Speaker 1: So working at Hooters was actually one of the best
5:25
Speaker 1: things that I could have ever done for myself because
5:28
Speaker 1: I opened up for my show. I had to have
5:30
Speaker 1: conversations with people that I didn't necessarily want to have
5:33
Speaker 1: conversations with, and it just helped me grow into who
5:37
Speaker 1: I am today. So I thank Hooters for that. So
5:40
Speaker 1: once I started working at Hooters, I started making really
5:44
Speaker 1: good money, and I realized, like I was a hustler
5:47
Speaker 1: by heart. I always wanted more. I was like, how
5:51
Speaker 1: can I make more money? How can I work harder?
5:53
Speaker 1: How can I just live a nice life? And that
5:57
Speaker 1: was the first time that I got a tape of
6:01
Speaker 1: having some of my own money while I'm in college.
6:04
Speaker 1: And so when I graduated, I knew I got a
6:07
Speaker 1: business degree. I knew I wanted to be a real
6:09
Speaker 1: estate agent. My brother owned. My brother was a very
6:12
Speaker 1: successful lender. So I graduated, I went and moved in
6:17
Speaker 1: with my brother while I was studying to get my
6:19
Speaker 1: real estate license and I was his assistant. He told me,
6:24
Speaker 1: if you want to make really good money, the only
6:26
Speaker 1: way to do that is to prospect, and you do
6:29
Speaker 1: that by three ways, but the most important is one
6:33
Speaker 1: cold calling. So you literally have a list of five
6:37
Speaker 1: hundred numbers and you call one after the other and
6:41
Speaker 1: you set up listing appointments, and then you go door
6:44
Speaker 1: to door. So you go on a street, you pick
6:46
Speaker 1: a street, and you're gonna knock on fifty houses and
6:49
Speaker 1: you're going to introduce yourself and ask people if they
6:51
Speaker 1: want to sell their house. And that is literally how
6:55
Speaker 1: I first did it. And it was kind of crazy
6:58
Speaker 1: because I got my license and in the matter of
7:02
Speaker 1: eight months, I sold nineteen houses all by myself. And
7:07
Speaker 1: I worked for a prestigious company in San Diego, co
7:10
Speaker 1: WOA Banker, and I got Rookie of the Year. My
7:13
Speaker 1: brother at the time, so I started doing really well
7:16
Speaker 1: and he's like, have you ever watched Million Dollar Listing
7:18
Speaker 1: New York? I had never seen it, so I start
7:21
Speaker 1: watching it and I'm like, holy shit, I want to
7:24
Speaker 1: be just like these guys. They sell ten million dollar condos,
7:28
Speaker 1: twenty million they're hustlers, they wear nice suits. Like I
7:32
Speaker 1: want to be that version in a woman. So I
7:36
Speaker 1: google all of their names and email and I email
7:40
Speaker 1: all of them and Ryan Sarhant emails me back and
7:43
Speaker 1: he says, I'm opening up an office in LA. I'll
7:47
Speaker 1: be there next week if you want to have a meeting.
7:49
Speaker 1: So I did. I remember that meeting with him. I
7:55
Speaker 1: was very nervous because I'm like, oh my god, there's
7:58
Speaker 1: this guy on TV and opening up an office. And
8:02
Speaker 1: I remember driving down LA and I was in Beverly Hills.
8:07
Speaker 1: It's they call it the Beverly Hills Flats and it's
8:09
Speaker 1: close to Rodale Drive and I was just driving by myself,
8:13
Speaker 1: not knowing the area, and I'm like, wow, holy shit,
8:16
Speaker 1: if I just sell one or two of these houses,
8:18
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make so much money. So I impressed him
8:23
Speaker 1: with what I told him, and I think he saw
8:26
Speaker 1: what a go getter I was and that I just
8:28
Speaker 1: had huge dreams for myself, and he hired me immediately.
8:33
Speaker 1: He said, you can work under my team. I'm opening
8:36
Speaker 1: up sir Hanna in LA. And mind you, I didn't
8:39
Speaker 1: know anybody in La. I was from there when I
8:42
Speaker 1: was a child, but I didn't talk to people I
8:45
Speaker 1: went to school with. So I went from being such
8:48
Speaker 1: a successful agent at what twenty four years old in
8:52
Speaker 1: San Diego, already knowing that if I stayed there, like
8:56
Speaker 1: I would make millions of dollars. But I just had
8:59
Speaker 1: this fire in me and I'm like, I need to
9:02
Speaker 1: do this. I want more in my life, Like I
9:04
Speaker 1: want to live in LA. I want to live in
9:06
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills. I want to meet millionaires and celebrities, and
9:09
Speaker 1: I want that life for myself. So I literally told
9:13
Speaker 1: my family, I'm like, sorry, I'm leaving. And I found
9:15
Speaker 1: an apartment online and I moved. And it was very
9:19
Speaker 1: scary because I'm like, I don't have any source of income,
9:23
Speaker 1: and I went I started from scratch. So here I
9:38
Speaker 1: am in LA working for nest Seekers, which was a
9:41
Speaker 1: huge company in New York, but it wasn't big in LA.
9:44
Speaker 1: They were just starting their brand in LA. And so
9:48
Speaker 1: after being there for a couple of weeks, everybody kept
9:51
Speaker 1: saying the most prestigious, the highest, the hardest place to
9:55
Speaker 1: work for is Hilton and Highland. They only hire really
9:59
Speaker 1: top agents. They are the best of the best. So
10:03
Speaker 1: what do I do I call Hilton and Highland and
10:06
Speaker 1: I set up a meeting and I have an interview
10:09
Speaker 1: with the bosses. Rick Hilton, which is Kathy Hilton's husband,
10:13
Speaker 1: met with me and again I think you could just
10:17
Speaker 1: I always had this fire in me, especially in my twenties,
10:20
Speaker 1: because I just thought anything's possible, and if you do
10:24
Speaker 1: the work, it will show and I'll be okay, I'll
10:27
Speaker 1: figure it out. I did it in San Diego, I
10:29
Speaker 1: can do it again. And they saw that and they
10:31
Speaker 1: actually hired me, not being a big agent in La
10:35
Speaker 1: so I just start working at Hilton and Highland. And
10:38
Speaker 1: after a couple of weeks, I remember walking in one
10:41
Speaker 1: day and I was on the phone having a conversation
10:43
Speaker 1: with my mom and I had to pick up some
10:45
Speaker 1: marketing materials and Jesse Lally was working at Hilton and
10:50
Speaker 1: Highland and he saw me and so he follows me
10:53
Speaker 1: down the street, hoping that I get off the phone,
10:56
Speaker 1: which I don't. So then he actually messages me on FAMEOK,
11:00
Speaker 1: this is back in twenty fifteen. He messages me on
11:05
Speaker 1: Facebook and he says something cheesy. It was like I
11:09
Speaker 1: don't even remember. It was something about air conditioning. It
11:12
Speaker 1: was really hot, so I had never seen him in person.
11:15
Speaker 1: When he messaged me, he had seen me and he
11:18
Speaker 1: asked me, Hey, we have an office meeting on Tuesday.
11:21
Speaker 1: Would you like to go out on a date with
11:22
Speaker 1: me that night? And I said sure, and he's like, great,
11:25
Speaker 1: why don't we have a cup of coffee before the
11:27
Speaker 1: office meeting so you can get to know who I am,
11:30
Speaker 1: and then we'll go out at night. So I see him,
11:35
Speaker 1: and I think he's very handsome, but he does literally
11:39
Speaker 1: all the wrong things any guy can ever do. He
11:43
Speaker 1: sits down, apparently he had like twenty cups of coffee.
11:47
Speaker 1: He doesn't ask me a single question about me. He's
11:52
Speaker 1: just talking about, rambling on about himself. And then he's
11:56
Speaker 1: he's saying things like, oh, I just got out of
11:58
Speaker 1: a committed five year relationship and I don't want anything serious,
12:02
Speaker 1: and I'm just looking like he's just that is not
12:04
Speaker 1: what I wanted to hear. Mind you, in my mind,
12:08
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to be married before thirty. So
12:11
Speaker 1: I was trying to find a serious boyfriend, a serious relationship,
12:15
Speaker 1: and he's literally telling me the opposite of what I
12:17
Speaker 1: want to hear. So I go to the office meeting,
12:20
Speaker 1: I'm like, how am I going to get out of
12:22
Speaker 1: this date? And so that night I text him, I'm
12:25
Speaker 1: so sorry, I have a migraine, and I end up
12:27
Speaker 1: going out with my girls. So this is the infamous
12:30
Speaker 1: story because a lot of people I got feedback and
12:33
Speaker 1: they're like, why would you Why would you have a
12:36
Speaker 1: child with a one night stand. But I don't think
12:39
Speaker 1: people realize that that is not what I was looking for.
12:44
Speaker 1: I go out with my girlfriends. Yes, I get drunk,
12:47
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna He's not husband material,
12:50
Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna use him as a booty call,
12:53
Speaker 1: and that is what I did. So the following day,
12:57
Speaker 1: he actually acts totally normal. He's contact me, he's texting me,
13:01
Speaker 1: he wants to see me, and we just start spending
13:04
Speaker 1: every day together. And that is what I was looking for.
13:07
Speaker 1: I wanted something serious. So it was very contradicting what
13:10
Speaker 1: he first told me when he met me as to
13:13
Speaker 1: how he was treating me and him and I started
13:17
Speaker 1: going out a lot, going to restaurants, sitting at bars
13:20
Speaker 1: and people. We were just organically having conversations with people
13:24
Speaker 1: about the real estate market and about buying and selling,
13:28
Speaker 1: and so we would meet people and they're like, oh,
13:30
Speaker 1: we want to look for a house, and we're like, oh,
13:31
Speaker 1: we can help you. So we just became partners without
13:35
Speaker 1: even trying to be partners, because it just made sense,
13:38
Speaker 1: like we can both help you, and so it just
13:41
Speaker 1: organically happened. Where As soon as we started dating, we
13:45
Speaker 1: were business partners and we started closing a lot of
13:48
Speaker 1: deals together. Jesse and I were I think people get
13:55
Speaker 1: confused because they saw the very end of our relationship,
13:58
Speaker 1: but it was like that in the beginning. It was amazing,
14:03
Speaker 1: it was easy. I thought. What I loved most about
14:08
Speaker 1: Jesse is that I saw that we could build a
14:12
Speaker 1: great life together, that I could have a partner, that
14:16
Speaker 1: we could you know, we didn't have a lot of
14:18
Speaker 1: money at the time, and throughout the years we were
14:22
Speaker 1: doing bigger deals. We started from three million to ten
14:25
Speaker 1: million to twenty million. We sold the house for forty million,
14:28
Speaker 1: and I just saw that we could enjoy life, travel
14:32
Speaker 1: and just do it together. And that's really what I
14:35
Speaker 1: wanted because all my life I felt like I always
14:38
Speaker 1: did everything on my own and I wanted that partner.
14:41
Speaker 1: So Jesse and I were together for a long time
14:43
Speaker 1: and things were really good. There were obviously red flags,
14:48
Speaker 1: but when you're young, you don't really pay attention to them,
14:51
Speaker 1: or you just think you brush them under the rug
14:53
Speaker 1: and you just think it's going to be fine. And
14:56
Speaker 1: for the most part, things were good, and I just thought,
14:59
Speaker 1: nobody's perfect, it'll be okay, we'll figure it out and
15:03
Speaker 1: just keep moving forward. You guys watched season one. Our
15:09
Speaker 1: marriage didn't end up working, but I'll get back to
15:12
Speaker 1: that in a second. While we were married, Jesse and
15:15
Speaker 1: I are constantly going out meeting people, and we meet
15:19
Speaker 1: two very important people, Jack's and Brittany. Apparently Jack's and
15:24
Speaker 1: Jesse were roommates over twenty years ago. They lived in
15:28
Speaker 1: New York City and they were trying to be actors
15:30
Speaker 1: and models. They had a falling out, and I don't
15:35
Speaker 1: really know what happened, and I think that's their story
15:37
Speaker 1: to tell. So Jackson Jesse finally reconnected once Jesse and
15:41
Speaker 1: I were married, and he introduced me to Brittany. I
15:45
Speaker 1: remember when Brittany and I first met where we talked
15:50
Speaker 1: about how old we were were the same age. Then
15:53
Speaker 1: she mentioned she was a Hooters girl and I said
15:55
Speaker 1: it too, and we're like, wait, what, We're both Hooter girls.
15:58
Speaker 1: We were Hooter managers, and we just like, from that
16:01
Speaker 1: moment on, we got it, because you know, once a
16:05
Speaker 1: Hooter's girl, always a Hooters girl. I guess what I
16:08
Speaker 1: really love about Brittany is that she was just a
16:10
Speaker 1: happy person. No matter what, She's always happy. She was
16:14
Speaker 1: very inviting, and she introduced me to everybody. So the
16:18
Speaker 1: more I would hang out at Brittany's house, the more
16:20
Speaker 1: I was meeting everybody. And then I ended up being
16:22
Speaker 1: friends with Stasi, La, La, Sheena, Katie, just basically everybody.
16:28
Speaker 1: And what's ironic is I would hang out with all
16:31
Speaker 1: of these girls and people would send me messages and
16:34
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I've never seen Vanderpump Rules. I'm not
16:36
Speaker 1: gonna watch it now because that would feel weird that
16:39
Speaker 1: like I'm watching my friends on TV. So to this day,
16:42
Speaker 1: I've never watched the show. So here I am back
16:46
Speaker 1: in twenty eighteen. I'm married to Jesse. We have an
16:50
Speaker 1: amazing friend group, and I finally have a group of
16:53
Speaker 1: girlfriends that you know, I call my girlfriends, which I
16:56
Speaker 1: never really had before growing up. Things are great. We
17:01
Speaker 1: finally say we want to have a child, so I
17:03
Speaker 1: get pregnant and we're looking forward. I always wanted a girl.
17:08
Speaker 1: We get the news that we're having a girl in
17:10
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, and what happens. COVID hits And actually, the
17:15
Speaker 1: one of the biggest fears I ever had in life
17:18
Speaker 1: was giving birth. I hate hospitals, I hate blood. I
17:21
Speaker 1: can't stand any of those things. I'm like, how am
17:24
Speaker 1: I going to have a child? It's my biggest fear.
17:26
Speaker 1: I've thought about it since I'm a little girl. Crazy
17:28
Speaker 1: but true. And so I'm eight months pregnant and then
17:32
Speaker 1: we start hearing about COVID things. I'm like, what is
17:35
Speaker 1: this COVID? And It'll be fine, And then suddenly in April,
17:40
Speaker 1: the worst time to have a baby. I'm like, I
17:43
Speaker 1: am scared out of my mind to have a child.
17:46
Speaker 1: I can't do this on my own. So every single
17:48
Speaker 1: day before I had a baby, I didn't even know
17:51
Speaker 1: if I was going to be by myself or not
17:53
Speaker 1: during labor. So April fifteen rolls around. I am a
17:58
Speaker 1: week early and at night on the thirteenth, I I'm
18:04
Speaker 1: sleeping and I wake up and I start having contractions
18:07
Speaker 1: and I tell Jesse and he's like, wait as long
18:10
Speaker 1: as you can, because people get sent back to the hospital.
18:13
Speaker 1: So I let the guy sleep all night while I'm
18:16
Speaker 1: having contractions at home by myself, and so I wait.
18:20
Speaker 1: He finally wakes up and he's like relaxed, and he's like,
18:23
Speaker 1: all right, are you ready to go to the hospital.
18:25
Speaker 1: And I'm like shaking at this point, I'm like, we
18:27
Speaker 1: need to go right now. And he's like, well, why
18:30
Speaker 1: don't you have breakfast because they don't have good food
18:32
Speaker 1: at the hospital, and then we can go. So he
18:35
Speaker 1: makes me eggs and I immediately vomit the eggs and
18:39
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm like, we need to go to the
18:41
Speaker 1: hospital now. I don't think you understand I'm having a baby.
18:44
Speaker 1: I don't even remember arriving, Like he had to get
18:47
Speaker 1: a whale chair because I couldn't walk up to the elevator.
18:50
Speaker 1: They're like, well, wait a minute, we have to check
18:52
Speaker 1: if she's if she can stay. They're like, but by
18:56
Speaker 1: the sound of it, I think she's good. So as
18:59
Speaker 1: soon as I check and they're like, oh, yeah, she's
19:01
Speaker 1: four centimeters, she's good. So they I go in the
19:04
Speaker 1: hospital and they said there's very strict rules. People are
19:08
Speaker 1: not allowed. I'm at the best hospital in La theaters
19:12
Speaker 1: and it looks like ghost town, like it literally looks
19:14
Speaker 1: like like the Walking Dead, like it was like walking
19:18
Speaker 1: Dead at the hospital, like dark, nobody around, and they
19:22
Speaker 1: put me in the last like dungeon room with no window.
19:28
Speaker 1: I get anxiety just thinking about that day. So so
19:31
Speaker 1: I arrived to the hospital and I said give me
19:34
Speaker 1: that epidural immediately. And Jesse was very anti everything he
19:39
Speaker 1: wanted natural and like, this is not happening. I'm four
19:42
Speaker 1: centimeters and I'm gonna die, so give me it now.
19:45
Speaker 1: So they gave it to me. And when I did
19:47
Speaker 1: do the epidural, I was stuck at seven centimeters for
19:52
Speaker 1: like a day, and so my doctor was like, you
19:56
Speaker 1: have high pressure. I wasn't feeling well. He's like, if
19:59
Speaker 1: we don't do someth thing about it, then we're gonna
20:01
Speaker 1: have to do C section. And then Jesse starts arguing
20:04
Speaker 1: with the doctor like, no, she's not gonna have there
20:07
Speaker 1: was something he wanted to help induce me, and they're
20:11
Speaker 1: arguing he's and finally my doctor is like, do you
20:14
Speaker 1: want her to die or do you want to have
20:16
Speaker 1: a healthy baby. We're doing this now, I'm overruling you,
20:19
Speaker 1: and she's I'm doing it, and he did it, and
20:21
Speaker 1: thank God, that night I delivered Isabella. So Jesse actually
20:26
Speaker 1: got to be with Isabella for about ten minutes and
20:28
Speaker 1: then he had to leave and they it was one
20:31
Speaker 1: in the morning. They put me in my room and
20:33
Speaker 1: I had no nurses. I had nobody around, nobody. I
20:36
Speaker 1: didn't even know that. I couldn't get out of bed
20:39
Speaker 1: and like walk to the bathroom and pee. Like when
20:41
Speaker 1: I tried, I was like, oh, I like stitched up.
20:45
Speaker 1: I couldn't do anything, so and even ringing the nurse button,
20:50
Speaker 1: it took like thirty minutes to get a nurse. So
20:53
Speaker 1: I just had the worst COVID baby experience that any
20:59
Speaker 1: woman fears of. Then of course that happened to me.
21:13
Speaker 1: So finally my life was checking off all the boxes
21:16
Speaker 1: and everything was great. I wanted to have a husband,
21:19
Speaker 1: I wanted to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, thank
21:23
Speaker 1: the Lord, and everything seemed great. But once I had
21:28
Speaker 1: a child, your life instantly changes as a mother, and
21:33
Speaker 1: that is when things slowly started changing. And this is
21:36
Speaker 1: the part that my marriage became a nightmare. It was
21:41
Speaker 1: a very lonely time for me. But my world at
21:44
Speaker 1: the time was my daughter. And my home, and unfortunately
21:49
Speaker 1: that wasn't the same with Jesse. He continued his life
21:54
Speaker 1: as if he was still kind of a single guy,
21:57
Speaker 1: and I was expected to be at home, and he
22:00
Speaker 1: really kind of stop communicating with me. He was gone
22:03
Speaker 1: all the time, and even when he was home, he
22:06
Speaker 1: was always on the phone or he had his vodka
22:09
Speaker 1: on the rocks. And I never had that one on
22:12
Speaker 1: one where somebody asked me how I'm doing, or would
22:14
Speaker 1: have a conversation with me. And he was just getting
22:17
Speaker 1: further away while I was becoming more of a mother.
22:21
Speaker 1: He was not doing his part in trying to be
22:24
Speaker 1: a father. A lot of people ask me why didn't
22:27
Speaker 1: I leave sooner? When you're married, you don't just walk away.
22:31
Speaker 1: It takes time, and us as women, it's like you're married.
22:35
Speaker 1: I got married and I had no intention of ever
22:38
Speaker 1: getting divorced. I wanted to be married to him for
22:40
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. That was my mindset and
22:44
Speaker 1: what I wanted as a goal of happiness. But he
22:49
Speaker 1: changed and not for the better. I felt like I
22:52
Speaker 1: grew and he was just going backwards in life and
22:59
Speaker 1: I stay. I stayed as long as I did because
23:02
Speaker 1: the unknown is super scary. I had no idea how
23:05
Speaker 1: was I going to start all over in my thirties
23:08
Speaker 1: now with the child and have to move out and
23:11
Speaker 1: possibly get a new work at a different place. Because
23:14
Speaker 1: we work at the same office, and my life with
23:18
Speaker 1: Jesse was very intertwined. We had work together, our entire relationship,
23:24
Speaker 1: we did a TV show together, we share a child together,
23:28
Speaker 1: and it was just so scary to think that I
23:31
Speaker 1: would be literally starting over from scratch. And it takes
23:38
Speaker 1: a lot to be able to tell yourself like, this
23:42
Speaker 1: is not what I deserved, this is not what I
23:44
Speaker 1: want in my life, and I'm going to do something
23:46
Speaker 1: about it and start over, even though it's going to
23:49
Speaker 1: be one of the hardest things I have to do
23:51
Speaker 1: in my life. So our relationship really started changing once
23:56
Speaker 1: we had a child, and when Isabella was about one
24:01
Speaker 1: years old, that's when we were introduced about possibly doing
24:05
Speaker 1: a reality TV show together. And things weren't that bad.
24:09
Speaker 1: There were you know, I thought there were bumpy roads
24:12
Speaker 1: and ups and downs and marriages, so I just thought
24:15
Speaker 1: this was something that was going to get better with time.
24:18
Speaker 1: And then we get a call and they're like, well,
24:21
Speaker 1: you're we're going to start doing this show soon, and
24:23
Speaker 1: that was literally the worst time of our relationship, and
24:29
Speaker 1: it was also the worst time of my life. I
24:32
Speaker 1: had the worst news anybody could ever get before starting
24:36
Speaker 1: to film a TV show. So before we start filming
24:40
Speaker 1: the show, my mom comes to visit me in La
24:42
Speaker 1: We go out to a restaurant and she actually thought
24:44
Speaker 1: she had food poisoning because she wasn't feeling well the
24:47
Speaker 1: following day, and I said, I felt fine, why don't
24:50
Speaker 1: you go to the hospital or go to the doctor
24:52
Speaker 1: and get a checkup. My mom had always gone to
24:55
Speaker 1: the doctor's yearly get checkups. She was always proud of
24:59
Speaker 1: how healthy she was was and didn't even have any
25:01
Speaker 1: high blood pressure or anything like that. So she calls
25:05
Speaker 1: me and she's like, I'm a little confused. They have
25:07
Speaker 1: to do all these MRIs. We don't know what's happening.
25:11
Speaker 1: So my sister immediately goes with my mom, and my
25:14
Speaker 1: sister and Mom call me and she's like, Mom has
25:18
Speaker 1: stage four cancer. And this is probably a week or
25:24
Speaker 1: two before I start filming the show. So internally, I'm
25:30
Speaker 1: going through such a difficult marriage and I'm confused because
25:34
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I'm like, do I leave,
25:36
Speaker 1: Do I stay? Do I do this TV show? My
25:39
Speaker 1: mom has cancer? What does that mean? I've never known
25:43
Speaker 1: anybody to be sick, let alone cancer, and it was
25:47
Speaker 1: stage four, so they said she had to have surgery
25:51
Speaker 1: immediately and then do chemo right after. So right, I
25:56
Speaker 1: think it was a week before filming. I had to
25:58
Speaker 1: go to San Diego be with my mom while she
26:00
Speaker 1: had all of these surgeries, and then go into filming
26:06
Speaker 1: while me and my husband want to kill each other
26:09
Speaker 1: and everything is just horrible. And I thought naive of me.
26:15
Speaker 1: But I had never seen reality TV. I had thought
26:18
Speaker 1: I could just hide it and not say anything and
26:21
Speaker 1: just keep it to myself. And now watching back the show,
26:26
Speaker 1: I see how miserable I was and how much I
26:29
Speaker 1: was actually going through mentally, and I tried to hide it.
26:34
Speaker 1: And you know, I've heard that I look like a robot,
26:38
Speaker 1: and I think it's because I was. I didn't know
26:41
Speaker 1: how to handle it internally. I didn't know if was
26:46
Speaker 1: my mom going to get better with chemo? Was she
26:49
Speaker 1: going to die? Like? There was just so many unknowns,
26:53
Speaker 1: and I could not at the time make the decision
26:57
Speaker 1: whether I was going to stay or leave. One thing
27:01
Speaker 1: I want to mention is before filming, there was a
27:05
Speaker 1: point where Jesse and I were really bad and I
27:08
Speaker 1: didn't even think about it, and I just sat him
27:10
Speaker 1: down and I'm like, I want a divorce. This is horrible.
27:14
Speaker 1: I'm going to get an apartment a block away and
27:16
Speaker 1: we'll figure it out and we can do therapy. And
27:19
Speaker 1: I remember doing it in my office because I just
27:23
Speaker 1: didn't want him to change my mind, and he was
27:26
Speaker 1: crying so much, and he it was a four hour
27:29
Speaker 1: conversation and he really begged me, and he made me
27:33
Speaker 1: feel like he woke up and was going to change,
27:36
Speaker 1: and I was very vocal. I told him that I
27:40
Speaker 1: was so unhappy and all of the things he did
27:44
Speaker 1: were very severe. His drinking was very severe, his spending
27:48
Speaker 1: habits was very severe, him never being home. It was
27:52
Speaker 1: just it took a real toll on our relationship. And
27:56
Speaker 1: so he promised me, and he said, give me a year,
27:59
Speaker 1: and if you're unhappy in a year, I will walk
28:02
Speaker 1: away and I will make sure you're taken care of.
28:05
Speaker 1: I will make sure everything is good. And I said, well,
28:08
Speaker 1: I owe that to our marriage and to our daughter.
28:12
Speaker 1: And so I did stay because I wanted to give
28:15
Speaker 1: him that last chance, so I gave him the chance,
28:19
Speaker 1: and that's when we got the call that we were
28:22
Speaker 1: going to start filming. So I was giving him the
28:25
Speaker 1: opportunity when in fact I was already mentally done. And
28:29
Speaker 1: Jesse can be very convincing, and he convinced me that
28:33
Speaker 1: he was going to change and he was going to
28:36
Speaker 1: do anything to fix the marriage, and he guaranteed me
28:41
Speaker 1: and promised me that he would make sure that everything
28:45
Speaker 1: would go smoothly even if I wanted to leave, and
28:50
Speaker 1: that didn't happen. I should have known, but that didn't happen,
28:54
Speaker 1: and I'm still struggling. But I'm happy that I left
28:59
Speaker 1: because I'm not miserable every single day, and so much
29:03
Speaker 1: has happened since then, and it's a very difficult divorce.
29:09
Speaker 1: I think I'm going through one of the most difficult
29:11
Speaker 1: and complicated divorce because I'm dealing with a difficult person,
29:16
Speaker 1: and even though it should be easier, it's not. But
29:20
Speaker 1: I'm trying to navigate that because I know that this
29:24
Speaker 1: is not going to last forever. I was in a
29:27
Speaker 1: really bad place mentally while filming, and it really showed
29:31
Speaker 1: in my demeanor, and I was just so unhappy and
29:36
Speaker 1: I wasn't true to myself. And finally, when we stopped filming,
29:42
Speaker 1: I just realized, like, it's now or never. I have
29:45
Speaker 1: a at the time two year old. I don't want
29:48
Speaker 1: to do it when she's ten. Why am I going
29:50
Speaker 1: to be unhappy year after year? This is not what
29:54
Speaker 1: I signed up for. This isn't when I said I
29:56
Speaker 1: do this is this was not the agreement. And so oh,
30:00
Speaker 1: we had a wedding anniversary right after filming, and I
30:04
Speaker 1: just told myself, like, do I want another wedding anniversary
30:08
Speaker 1: and be miserable? And I said no. So I woke
30:12
Speaker 1: up and I sat him down and I said, there
30:14
Speaker 1: is nothing you can do or say to change my mind,
30:18
Speaker 1: so please listen to what I have to say. And
30:21
Speaker 1: I feel like I was very fair. I said, I
30:24
Speaker 1: gave you the time, but I'm going to ask for
30:26
Speaker 1: a divorce. Nothing's changed, and I want it to be
30:32
Speaker 1: as easy as possible. I don't want to take your
30:34
Speaker 1: child away. I want to be fifty to fifty. I
30:37
Speaker 1: want to live near each other. I want to learn
30:40
Speaker 1: to co parent and be friends with one another. And
30:44
Speaker 1: I think that I couldn't have made it easier on him.
30:49
Speaker 1: And I realized that I had a responsibility to show
30:52
Speaker 1: my daughter what a healthy relationship was because I started
30:57
Speaker 1: envisioning my parents, and I remember being three years old
31:00
Speaker 1: and five and ten and looking at my parents in
31:04
Speaker 1: love and my dad coming home and bringing my mom
31:08
Speaker 1: and I flowers, and he would put music on and
31:11
Speaker 1: dance and it was just such a happy household that
31:16
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, Isabella doesn't even know what that
31:19
Speaker 1: looks like. She's never even seen her dad kiss or
31:23
Speaker 1: hug her mother, and that was not something that I
31:27
Speaker 1: wanted her to grow up thinking that was normal. And
31:32
Speaker 1: I really thought about her before anything, and I just
31:36
Speaker 1: realized that this will be the best thing that I
31:38
Speaker 1: ever do for my daughter. My mom was such a
31:42
Speaker 1: strong woman, and I want to raise my daughter the
31:45
Speaker 1: same way. I want her to look at me and
31:48
Speaker 1: think one day when she grows up like my mom
31:52
Speaker 1: was a strong woman and she did everything she could
31:55
Speaker 1: to be happy, and so that I'm happy and have
31:58
Speaker 1: a good life. And don't get me wrong, it's not
32:02
Speaker 1: easy getting divorced, and there's different stages and it's difficult
32:07
Speaker 1: before it gets better, and I'm in the heart of it,
32:10
Speaker 1: and it is hard and dealing with lawyers and fighting
32:13
Speaker 1: with an ex about custody or financials. It's not fun stuff,
32:19
Speaker 1: but I think that in the end it's going to
32:23
Speaker 1: be worth it for me and my daughter. And I
32:27
Speaker 1: wanted to do this podcast because I want you to
32:30
Speaker 1: know the different layers of me and to be able
32:33
Speaker 1: to talk about friendships, marriage, divorce, co parenting, having a child,
32:40
Speaker 1: being a mother, death, finding love again, business, real estate,
32:46
Speaker 1: you name it. No topic is off limit. I have
32:49
Speaker 1: felt a lot of support from friends and even on
32:52
Speaker 1: Instagram people I don't know, and this is why I
32:54
Speaker 1: want to share, so that I feel the support and
32:58
Speaker 1: so that I can support you. So if there's anything
33:00
Speaker 1: you want to know or want me to talk about,
33:02
Speaker 1: please do share. I do read the comments. I see
33:06
Speaker 1: the good ones and the bad ones, so whatever you want,
33:10
Speaker 1: nothing is off limits. I've always been in the pursuit
33:14
Speaker 1: of something, apparently ever since I was born. I've had
33:17
Speaker 1: a difficult life, and I have always been in the
33:21
Speaker 1: pursuit of happiness, of joy, and now sassiness. This isn't
33:25
Speaker 1: just my own pursuit of sassiness, but it's all of us.
33:28
Speaker 1: So I'm super excited that we're gonna go on this
33:31
Speaker 1: journey together.