Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - I Could Be Dumb For You

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - I Could Be Dumb For You · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  joe could i please get a suggestion for some improv suggestion is coasting coasting
• 0:23
  i uh that makes me think of um school because i kind of coasted through school and i wouldn't
• 0:31
  have guessed that uh i um like in high school i was really good at being able to complete all
• 0:38
  my homework for the next class in the previous class the class before it um and i've always been
• 0:43
  no this this sounds like an asshole thing to say uh i've always been really good at taking tests
• 0:49
  so
• 0:50
  I know
• 0:51
  thank you
• 0:51
  well
• 0:52
  it just is the case
• 0:54
  I'm not trying to brag
• 0:55
  about it
• 0:55
  there's plenty of things
• 0:57
  I'm quite terrible at
• 0:58
  taking quizzes
• 0:59
  yes exactly
• 1:00
  no that
• 1:00
  don't
• 1:01
  don't rename it
• 1:02
  to a quiz
• 1:02
  no
• 1:03
  make it a test
• 1:03
  I'm begging you
• 1:04
  please
• 1:05
  I need more questions
• 1:07
  then I'll be better
• 1:07
  so
• 1:09
  I kind of
• 1:10
  kind of coasted
• 1:11
  through high school
• 1:13
  did pretty good though
• 1:14
  I did alright
• 1:15
  yeah
• 1:16
  were you valedictorian
• 1:17
  no
• 1:17
  no i didn't want to be one of those people you know one of those one of those yeah i wasn't either
• 1:24
  nice yeah i like that where neither one of us was valedictorian uh so interesting story um
• 1:30
  i transferred to high schools in the high school i went to i had a better standing like i was about
• 1:36
  to graduate and i would have been like in the top 10 percent but i didn't like the high school so i
• 1:41
  made my dad chance for me back where i was like not as good a student so like i think i missed out
• 1:48
  on some like scholarships and stuff because i really did not like the high school i was going
• 1:51
  to it was scary it was like a movie high school oh really yeah were they're like were you being
• 1:58
  like threatened or beaten up or graffiti on the lockers or no oh okay that's i'm thinking good
• 2:07
  90s movies, high schools.
• 2:10
  Pants.
• 2:11
  I wish.
• 2:12
  No, I got late.
• 2:13
  I mean, I got late.
• 2:14
  I was late on my first day because I couldn't find the classroom, and I got detention.
• 2:18
  And I was like I a good student which I think I actually said that to the person I was like oh no no no I new I going to my class I just can find it And he was like detention I like no you don understand I a good one But I had to
• 2:33
  go to my first ever detention. Wow. That's a bummer. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks.
• 2:41
  And now, improv.
• 2:43
  Honey
• 2:50
  This is kind of a bombshell you drop
• 2:55
  On our honeymoon
• 2:56
  Just take it in
• 2:58
  You
• 2:59
  You were
• 3:02
  You were valedictorian
• 3:05
  I knew I shouldn't have brought it up
• 3:07
  It just happened
• 3:09
  I feel so betrayed by this
• 3:12
  you knew you knew i didn't want to be with a valedictorian i didn't want to be with one of
• 3:18
  those people you let me call them those people and you were one of those people we were just so
• 3:24
  entwined at that point i knew i couldn't bring it up because i just loved you so much and i knew how
• 3:29
  important it was to you and it's not even a huge part of my identity sure i was on the news what
• 3:36
  You're a news person, too?
• 3:38
  They put, it was a huge story.
• 3:40
  I was the first valedictorian in my whole family.
• 3:43
  And that made the news?
• 3:45
  Yeah, they were like, wow.
• 3:47
  And they said I was the best valedictorian that they'd ever seen.
• 3:51
  No.
• 3:52
  I, I'm one of the things.
• 3:56
  Sit down.
• 3:57
  Oh, I'm getting dizzy.
• 3:59
  Oh, okay.
• 4:01
  All right.
• 4:01
  All right.
• 4:02
  I'm really happy this hotel is nice, comfy ottoman.
• 4:05
  Yeah, I saw it on Orbitz.
• 4:09
  Why, is that where valedictorians go to get their travel plans?
• 4:12
  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay.
• 4:14
  Okay, I know you're being snarky, but I did get a lifelong membership to every travel agency.
• 4:22
  So every vacation we've ever had has been a benefit of my valedictorian-ness.
• 4:26
  Oh, I feel so dirty.
• 4:28
  I'm sorry, just look past it.
• 4:30
  I could be dumb for you.
• 4:32
  I, could you?
• 4:33
  Yeah, ask me anything.
• 4:35
  How could you do this to me?
• 4:39
  How about that?
• 4:39
  Answer that question.
• 4:41
  The one question.
• 4:42
  I can answer.
• 4:43
  Sit down.
• 4:44
  I'm sitting on this comfy ottoman.
• 4:46
  Sit down lower.
• 4:47
  All right On the meditative ottoman Oh God I can believe they have one of these too This place is amazing It a perk of I not going to say it Well you knew that I wanted to have average children
• 5:02
  They could...
• 5:03
  They say it skips a generation.
• 5:04
  I told you, I'm the first one in my family.
• 5:07
  But if you're the first one in your family,
• 5:09
  then maybe you're starting this whole new line.
• 5:12
  Are you saying that I made our future children sick?
• 5:17
  Yes.
• 5:17
  But the disease of genius?
• 5:20
  I'm afraid that you did.
• 5:22
  I'm afraid that you will.
• 5:24
  They don't exist yet, but I'm afraid that that will happen.
• 5:28
  Let's meet him.
• 5:30
  Cut to the firstborn child.
• 5:33
  Okay.
• 5:34
  Normal baby.
• 5:36
  Okay.
• 5:37
  Oh no, he's latching right away.
• 5:40
  No!
• 5:40
  Why is he looking at that Rubik's Cube?
• 5:43
  Oh no!
• 5:44
  With such interest.
• 5:45
  No!
• 5:45
  Gene, get your eyes off that Rubik's Cube.
• 5:47
  Why do I name him Gene?
• 5:48
  It's the first part of Genius.
• 5:49
  You tricked me.
• 5:50
  No.
• 5:51
  No.
• 5:53
  That's it.
• 5:54
  He's going up for adoption.
• 5:55
  Thank God.
• 5:57
  Dare we ever try again?
• 6:00
  Cut to the second baby.
• 6:03
  Okay.
• 6:04
  Eyes are all over the place.
• 6:06
  Looking good.
• 6:07
  There's a whole bunch of brain teasers around.
• 6:10
  He's not interested.
• 6:11
  He's not interested at all.
• 6:13
  Oh, look.
• 6:13
  He's looking at a TV.
• 6:15
  Oh, he takes after me.
• 6:18
  Oh, my God.
• 6:18
  See?
• 6:20
  Look.
• 6:20
  Oh.
• 6:21
  Look, my two dumb babies.
• 6:23
  Oh.
• 6:25
  Thank you, honey.
• 6:27
  I feel like now I feel silly.
• 6:32
  Maybe we shouldn't have even given up gene number one.
• 6:39
  Maybe we could have kept.
• 6:40
  Oh.
• 6:41
  Oh, wait.
• 6:41
  No.
• 6:42
  What?
• 6:42
  No.
• 6:43
  No.
• 6:43
  he just completed a whole sudoku
• 6:46
  level modern left handed
• 6:48
  oh no
• 6:49
  oh this one's going up for adoption
• 6:52
  here I'll open the window
• 6:53
  oh we're just sending this
• 6:55
  oh
• 6:56
  oh he can fly too
• 6:59
  this is just
• 7:00
  you did
• 7:02
  tell me right now can you fly
• 7:04
  do you promise not to be mad
• 7:07
  it depends on the answer
• 7:11
  Yes.
• 7:13
  No It not flying it coasting slowly to the ground oh no
• 7:24
  okay listen
• 7:26
  I just decided
• 7:28
  you're making a molehill out of an ant farm
• 7:30
  that was a really
• 7:32
  insightful yeah
• 7:33
  that was a really smart way to say that
• 7:35
  yeah
• 7:36
  couldn't you just say I'm being a dumb bitch or something
• 7:40
  you know the way other people argue
• 7:42
  that's what you want
• 7:43
  Yeah.
• 7:44
  Okay.
• 7:45
  Yeah.
• 7:46
  Look at me.
• 7:48
  Dude.
• 7:49
  Just a dude.
• 7:50
  Oh, my hands are in my pants.
• 7:52
  Oh, but you still have that twinkle in the eye and the chiseled jawline.
• 7:58
  You're still above average.
• 7:59
  We just need to find a way that you're smarter than me.
• 8:03
  I don't know.
• 8:05
  What do you mean you don't know?
• 8:05
  Just the other day you were, uh, what were you drooling about?
• 8:08
  I was
• 8:12
  Crockpot meals
• 8:14
  I don't know how to work a crockpot
• 8:16
  You don't?
• 8:17
  I bet I couldn't even figure it out
• 8:19
  Really?
• 8:19
  Yeah
• 8:20
  Are you just saying that?
• 8:21
  No
• 8:22
  Here I'll try
• 8:24
  Cut to the crockpot
• 8:25
  Well that was
• 8:26
  That was very easy
• 8:27
  Surprisingly simple right?
• 8:29
  Oh no
• 8:30
  Now I don't even have a thing
• 8:31
  I know
• 8:34
  What if we have one more baby?
• 8:37
  And it could be the dumbest baby on earth
• 8:40
  Alright, well, third time's a dumb charm, I suppose
• 8:45
  Okay
• 8:46
  Cut to baby number three
• 8:48
  I'll hold this one
• 8:51
  Okay
• 8:51
  Don't say anything
• 8:55
  Your mother's very sensitive
• 8:58
  I need you to play along
• 8:59
  What?
• 9:02
  You can't name a single philosopher
• 9:04
  Really? He can't?
• 9:06
  I know. He's a moron.
• 9:07
  I know.
• 9:08
  Ask him about classical music.
• 9:11
  Did you hear her?
• 9:12
  Yeah. Oh, he says that Shania Twain...
• 9:16
  I like where this is going.
• 9:19
  Yeah. That's all he said.
• 9:21
  Oh!
• 9:22
  Yeah. He's repeating it now.
• 9:23
  That do impress me much.
• 9:27
  All right.
• 9:28
  See you.
• 9:36
  you