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039 - Making Friends · North and South

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  Speaker 1: Chapter thirty nine of North and South. This is a
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  Speaker 1: LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
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  Speaker 1: For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
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  Speaker 1: Recording by le Anne Howlett. North and South by Elizabeth
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  Speaker 1: Cleghorn Gaskell, Chapter thirty nine, Making Friends, Nay, I have done.
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  Speaker 1: You get no more of me, And I am glad,
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  Speaker 1: YEA glad with all my heart that thus so clearly
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  Speaker 1: I myself am free. Drayton Margaret shut herself up in
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  Speaker 1: her own room after she had quitted Missus Thornton. She
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  Speaker 1: began to walk backwards and forwards, in her old habitual
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  Speaker 1: way of showing agitation. But then, remembering that in that
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  Speaker 1: slightly built house, every step was heard from one room
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  Speaker 1: to another, she sat down till she heard Missus Thornton
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  Speaker 1: go safely out of the house. She forced herself to
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  Speaker 1: recollect all the conversation that had passed between them. Speech
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  Speaker 1: by speech, she compelled her memory to go through with it.
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  Speaker 1: At the end, she rose up and said to herself
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  Speaker 1: in a melancholy tone, at any rate, her words do
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  Speaker 1: not touch me, they fall off from me, For I
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  Speaker 1: am innocent of all the motives she attributes to me.
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  Speaker 1: But still it is hard to think that any one,
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  Speaker 1: any woman, can believe all this of another so easily.
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  Speaker 1: It is hard and sad. Where I have done wrong.
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  Speaker 1: She does not accuse me. She does not know. He
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  Speaker 1: never told her. I might have known, he would not.
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  Speaker 1: She lifted up her head, as if she took pride
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  Speaker 1: in any delicacy of feeling which mister Thornton had shown.
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  Speaker 1: Then as a new thought came across her, she pressed
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  Speaker 1: her hands tightly together. He too, must take poor Frederick
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  Speaker 1: for some lover, she blushed as the word passed through
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  Speaker 1: her mind. I see it now. It is not merely
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  Speaker 1: that he knows of my falsehood, but he believes that
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  Speaker 1: some one else cares for me, and that I Oh dear,
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  Speaker 1: oh dear, what shall I do? What do I mean?
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  Speaker 1: Why do I care what he thinks? Beyond the mere
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  Speaker 1: loss of his good opinion? As regards my telling the
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  Speaker 1: truth or not, I cannot tell. But I am very miserable.
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  Speaker 1: Oh how unhappy this last year has been. I have
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  Speaker 1: passed out of childhood into old age. I have had
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  Speaker 1: no youth, no womanhood. The hopes of womanhood have closed
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  Speaker 1: for me. For I shall never marry, and I anticipate
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  Speaker 1: cares and sorrows, just as if I were an old woman,
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  Speaker 1: and with the same fearful spirit. I am weary of
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  Speaker 1: this continual call upon me for strength. I could bear
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  Speaker 1: up for Papa, because that is a natural, pious duty,
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  Speaker 1: and I think I could bear up against at any rate.
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  Speaker 1: I could have the energy to resent Missus Thornton's unjust,
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  Speaker 1: impertinent suspicions. But it is hard to feel how completely
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  Speaker 1: he must misunderstand me. What has happened to make me
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  Speaker 1: so morbid to day? I do not know. I only
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  Speaker 1: know I cannot help it. I must give way. Sometimes.
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  Speaker 1: No I will not, though said she springing to her feet.
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  Speaker 1: I will not. I will not think of myself and
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  Speaker 1: my own position. I won't examine into my own feelings.
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  Speaker 1: It would be of no use. Now some time, if
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  Speaker 1: I live to be an old woman, I may sit
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  Speaker 1: over the fire, and, looking into the embers, see the
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  Speaker 1: life that might have been. All this time, she was
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  Speaker 1: hastily putting on her things to go out, only stopping
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  Speaker 1: from time to time to wipe her eyes with an
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  Speaker 1: impatience of gesture at the tears that would come. In
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  Speaker 1: spite of all her bravery. I dare say there's many
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  Speaker 1: a woman makes a sad mistake, as I have done,
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  Speaker 1: and only finds it out too late. And how proudly
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  Speaker 1: and impertinently I spoke to him that day, But I
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  Speaker 1: did not know then. It has come upon me little
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  Speaker 1: by little, and I don't know where it began. Now
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  Speaker 1: I won't give way. I shall find it difficult to
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  Speaker 1: behave in the same way to him with this miserable
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  Speaker 1: consciousness upon me. But I will be very calm and
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  Speaker 1: very quiet, and say very little, but to be sure
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  Speaker 1: I may not see him. He keeps out of our way.
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  Speaker 1: Evidently that would be worse than all. And yet no
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  Speaker 1: wonder that he avoids me, believing what he must about me.
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  Speaker 1: She went out, going rapidly towards the country and trying
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  Speaker 1: to drown reflection by swiftness of motion as she stood
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  Speaker 1: on the doorstep. At her return, her father came up,
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  Speaker 1: Good girl, said he you've been to missus Boucher's. I
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  Speaker 1: was just meaning to go there if I had time
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  Speaker 1: before dinner. No, Papa, I have not said Margaret Reddening.
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  Speaker 1: I never thought about her. But I will go directly
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  Speaker 1: after dinner. I will go while you are taking your nap. Accordingly,
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  Speaker 1: Margaret went, Missus Boucher was very ill, really ill, not
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  Speaker 1: merely ailing. The kind and sensible neighbor who had come
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  Speaker 1: in the other day seemed to have taken charge of everything.
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  Speaker 1: Some of the children were gone to the neighbors. Mary
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  Speaker 1: Higgins had come for the three youngest at dinner time,
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  Speaker 1: and since then Nicholas had gone for the doctor. He
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  Speaker 1: had not come as yet Missus Boucher was dying, and
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  Speaker 1: there was nothing to do but to wait. Margaret thought
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  Speaker 1: that she should like to know his opinion, and that
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  Speaker 1: she could not do better than go and see the Higgins.
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  Speaker 1: In the meantime she might then possibly hear whether Nicholas
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  Speaker 1: had been able to make his application to mister Thornton.
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  Speaker 1: She found Nicholas busily engaged in making a penny spin
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  Speaker 1: on the dresser for the amusement of three little children,
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  Speaker 1: who were clinging to him in a fearless manner. He,
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  Speaker 1: as well as they, was smiling at a good long spin,
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  Speaker 1: and Margaret thought that the happy look of interest in
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  Speaker 1: his occupation was a good sign. When the penny stopped spinning,
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  Speaker 1: little Johnny began to cry. Come to me, said Margaret,
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  Speaker 1: taking him off the dresser and holding him in her arms.
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  Speaker 1: She held her watch to his ear while she asked
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  Speaker 1: Nicholas if he had seen mister Thornton. The look on
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  Speaker 1: his face changed instantly, Aye said he I've seen and
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  Speaker 1: heard too much on him. He refused, you, then, said
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  Speaker 1: Margaret sorrowfully, to be sure. I knew he'd do it
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  Speaker 1: all along. It's no good expecting mercy at the hands
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  Speaker 1: of them masters. You're a stranger and a foreigner aren't
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  Speaker 1: likely to know their ways. But I knowed it. I
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  Speaker 1: am sorry, I asked you. Was he angry? He did
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  Speaker 1: not speak to you as Hamper did, did he? He
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  Speaker 1: warn't o'er civil, said Nicholas, spinning the penny again, as
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  Speaker 1: much for his own amusement as for that of the children.
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  Speaker 1: Never you fret, I'm only where I was. I'll go
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  Speaker 1: on tramp tomorrow. I gave him as good as I got.
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  Speaker 1: I telled him i'd not that good opinion on him,
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  Speaker 1: that i'd come a second time of myself, but you'd
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  Speaker 1: advised me for to come, and I were beholden to you.
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  Speaker 1: You told him I sent you. I dunno if I
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  Speaker 1: called you by your name. I dunnot think I did.
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  Speaker 1: I said, a woman who knew no better had advised
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  Speaker 1: for me to come and see if there was a
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  Speaker 1: soft place in his heart. And he asked, Margaret said,
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  Speaker 1: I were to tell you to mind your own business.
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  Speaker 1: That's the longest spin yet My lads and them civil
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  Speaker 1: words to what he used to me. But never mind
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  Speaker 1: were but where we was, And I'll break stones on
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  Speaker 1: the road afore I let these little LUNs. Clem. Margaret
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  Speaker 1: put the struggling Johnny out of her arms, back into
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  Speaker 1: his former place on the dresser. I am sorry, I
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  Speaker 1: asked you to go to mister Thornton's. I am disappointed
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  Speaker 1: in him. There was a slight noise behind her. Both
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  Speaker 1: she and Nicholas turned round at the same moment, and
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  Speaker 1: there stood mister Thornton with a look of displeased surprise
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  Speaker 1: upon his face. Obeying her swift impulse, Margaret passed out
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  Speaker 1: before him, saying not a word, only bowing low to
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  Speaker 1: hide the sudden paleness that she felt had come over
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  Speaker 1: her face. He bent equally low in return, and then
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  Speaker 1: closed the door after her. As she hurried to missus Boucher's,
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  Speaker 1: she heard the clang, and it seemed to fill up
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  Speaker 1: the measure of her mortification. He too was annoyed to
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  Speaker 1: find her there. He had tenderness in his heart, a
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  Speaker 1: soft place, as Nicholas Huggins called it, but he had
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  Speaker 1: some pride in concealing it. He kept it very sacred
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  Speaker 1: and safe, and was jealous of every circumstance that tried
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  Speaker 1: to gain admission. But if he dreaded exposure of his tenderness,
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  Speaker 1: he was equally desirous that all men should recognize his justice.
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  Speaker 1: And he felt that he had been unjust in giving
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  Speaker 1: so scornful a hearing to anyone who had waited with
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  Speaker 1: humble patience for five hours to speak to him. That
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  Speaker 1: the man had spoken saucily to him when he had
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  Speaker 1: the opportunity was nothing to mister Thornton. He rather liked
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  Speaker 1: him for it, and he was conscious of his own
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  Speaker 1: irritability of temper at the time, which probably made them
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  Speaker 1: both quits. It was the five hours of waiting that
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  Speaker 1: struck mister Thornton. He had not five hours to spare
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  Speaker 1: himself but one hour. Two hours of his hard, penetrating
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  Speaker 1: intellectual as well as bodily labor. Did he give up
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  Speaker 1: to going about collecting evidence as to the truth of
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  Speaker 1: Higgins's story, the nature of his character, the tenor of
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  Speaker 1: his life. He tried not to be, but was convinced
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  Speaker 1: that all that Higgins had said was true. And then
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  Speaker 1: the conviction went in, as if by some spell, and
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  Speaker 1: touched the latent tenderness of his heart, the patience of
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  Speaker 1: the man, the simple generosity of the motive. For he
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  Speaker 1: had learnt about the quarrel between Boucher and Higgins made
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  Speaker 1: him forget entirely the mere reasonings of justice and overleap
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  Speaker 1: them by a diviner instinct. He came to tell Higgins
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  Speaker 1: he would give him work, and he was more annoyed
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  Speaker 1: to find Margaret there than by hearing her last words,
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  Speaker 1: for then he understood that she was the woman who
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  Speaker 1: had urged Higgins to come to him, and he dreaded
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  Speaker 1: the admission of any thought of her as a motive
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  Speaker 1: to what he was doing, solely because it was right.
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  Speaker 1: So that was the lady you spoke of as a woman,
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  Speaker 1: said he indignantly to Higgins. You might have told me
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  Speaker 1: who she was, and then maybe you'd have spoken of
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  Speaker 1: her more civil than you did. You'd gettin a mother
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  Speaker 1: who might have your tongue and check when you were
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  Speaker 1: talking a woman being at the root of all the plagues.
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  Speaker 1: Of course you told that to miss Hale. In course
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  Speaker 1: I did, leastwise I reckon I did. I told her
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  Speaker 1: she warn't to meddle again in aught that concerned you.
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  Speaker 1: Whose children are those yours? Mister Thornton had a pretty
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  Speaker 1: good notion whose they were from what he had heard,
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  Speaker 1: but he felt awkward in turning the conversation round from
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  Speaker 1: this unpromising beginning. They're not mine, and they are mine.
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  Speaker 1: They're the children you spoke of to me this morning
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  Speaker 1: when you said, replied Higgins, turning round with ill smothered fierceness,
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  Speaker 1: that my story might be true or might not, but
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  Speaker 1: it were a very unlikely one, mister, I've not forgotten.
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  Speaker 1: Mister Thornton was silent for a moment, then he said,
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  Speaker 1: no more have I I remember what I said. I
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  Speaker 1: spoke to you about those children in a way I
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  Speaker 1: had no business to do. I did not believe you.
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  Speaker 1: I could not have taken care of another man's children
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  Speaker 1: myself if he had acted towards me as I heard
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  Speaker 1: Boucher did towards you. But I know now that you
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  Speaker 1: spoke truth. I beg your pardon. Higgins did not turn
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  Speaker 1: round or immediately respond to this, but when he did
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  Speaker 1: it was in a softened tone, although the words were
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  Speaker 1: gruff enough. You've no business to go prying into what
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  Speaker 1: happened between Boucher and me. He's dead and I'm sorry.
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  Speaker 1: That's enough, so it is. Will you take work with me?
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  Speaker 1: That's what I came to ask Higgins obstinacy wavered, recovered
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  Speaker 1: strength and stood firm. He would not speak. Mister Thornton
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  Speaker 1: would not ask again. Higgins's eye fell on the children.
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  Speaker 1: You impudent and a liar and a mischief maker. And
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  Speaker 1: you might have said with some truth as I were
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  Speaker 1: now and then given to drink, and I have called
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  Speaker 1: you a tyrant and an old bull dog and a
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  Speaker 1: hard cruel master. That's where it stands. But for the childer, maister,
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  Speaker 1: do you think we can er get on together? Well,
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  Speaker 1: said mister Thornton, half laughing. It was not my proposal
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  Speaker 1: that we should go together. But there's one comfort on
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  Speaker 1: your own, showing we neither of us can think much
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  Speaker 1: worse of the other than we do. Now, that's true,
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  Speaker 1: said Higgins reflectively. I've been thinking ever since I saw you,
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  Speaker 1: what a mercy it were, YO did not take me
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  Speaker 1: on for than I ever saw a man whom I
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  Speaker 1: could less abide. But that's maybe been a hasty judgment.
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  Speaker 1: And work's work to such as me. So, Master, I'll come,
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  Speaker 1: and what's more, I thank you. And that's a deal
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  Speaker 1: from me, said he more frankly, suddenly turning round and
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  Speaker 1: facing mister Thornton fully for the first time. And this
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  Speaker 1: is a deal from me, said mister Thornton, giving Higgins
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  Speaker 1: hand a good grip. Now mind you come sharp to
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  Speaker 1: your time, continued he, resuming the master. I'll have no
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: laggards at my mill. What fines we have, we keep
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  Speaker 1: pretty sharply. And the first time I catch you making mischief,
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  Speaker 1: off you go. So now you know where you are.
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  Speaker 1: You spoke of my wisdom this morning, I reckon I
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  Speaker 1: may bring it with me, or would you rather have
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  Speaker 1: me bout my brains, bout your brains if you can
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  Speaker 1: use them for meddling with my business, with your brains,
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  Speaker 1: if you can keep them to your own. I shall
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  Speaker 1: need a deal of brains to settle where my business
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  Speaker 1: ends and yours begins. Your business has not begun yet,
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  Speaker 1: and mine stands still for me. So good afternoon. Just
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  Speaker 1: before mister Thornton came up to missus Boucher's door, Margaret
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  Speaker 1: came out of it. She did not see him, and
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  Speaker 1: he followed her for several yards, admiring her light and
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  Speaker 1: easy walk, and her tall and graceful figure. But suddenly
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  Speaker 1: this simple emotion of pleasure was tainted, poisoned by jealousy.
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  Speaker 1: He wished to overtake her and speak to her, to
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  Speaker 1: see how she would receive him. Now she must know
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: he was aware of some other attachment he wished too.
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  Speaker 1: But of this wish he was rather ashamed that she
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  Speaker 1: should know that he had justified her wisdom in sending
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  Speaker 1: Higgins to him to ask for work, and had repented
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  Speaker 1: of his morning's decision. He came up to her. She started,
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  Speaker 1: allow me to say, miss Hale, that you are rather
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  Speaker 1: premature in expressing your disappointment. I have taken Higgins on.
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  Speaker 1: I am glad of it, said she coldly. He tells
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  Speaker 1: me he repeated to you what I said this morning
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  Speaker 1: about mister Thornton. Hesitated, Margaret took it up about women
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  Speaker 1: not meddling. You had a perfect right to express your opinion,
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  Speaker 1: which was a very correct one. I have no doubt,
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  Speaker 1: but she went on a little more eagerly. Higgins did
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  Speaker 1: not quite tell you the exact truth. The word truth
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  Speaker 1: reminded her of her own untruth, and she stopped short,
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  Speaker 1: feeling exceedingly uncomfortable. Mister Thornton at first was puzzled to
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  Speaker 1: account for her silence, and then he remembered the lie
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  Speaker 1: she had told, and all that was foregone the exact truth,
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  Speaker 1: said he. Very few people do speak the exact truth.
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  Speaker 1: I have given up hoping for it, Miss Hale. Have
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  Speaker 1: you no explanation to give me? You must perceive what
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  Speaker 1: I cannot but think. Margaret was silent. She was wondering
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  Speaker 1: whether an explanation of any kind would be consistent with
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  Speaker 1: her loyalty to Frederick. Nay, said he, I will ask
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  Speaker 1: no farther, and I may be putting temptation in your
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  Speaker 1: way at present. Believe me, your secret is safe with me,
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  Speaker 1: but you run great risks. Allow me to say, in
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  Speaker 1: being so indiscreet, I am now only speaking as a
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  Speaker 1: friend of your father's. If I had any other thought
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  Speaker 1: or hope, of course, that is at an end. I
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  Speaker 1: am quite disinterested. I am aware of that, said Margaret,
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  Speaker 1: forcing herself to speak in an indifferent, careless way. I
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  Speaker 1: am aware of what I must appear to you, but
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  Speaker 1: the secret is another persons, and I cannot explain it
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  Speaker 1: without doing him harm. I have not the slightest wish
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  Speaker 1: to pry into the gentleman's secrets, he said, with growing anger.
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  Speaker 1: My own interest in you is simply that of a friend.
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  Speaker 1: You may not believe me, Miss Hale, but it is
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  Speaker 1: in spite of the persecution. I'm afraid I threatened you
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  Speaker 1: with it at one time, but that is all given up,
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  Speaker 1: all passed away. You believe me, Miss Hale, Yes, said Margaret,
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  Speaker 1: quietly and sadly. Then, really, I don't see any occasion
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  Speaker 1: for us to go on walking together. I thought perhaps
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  Speaker 1: you might have had something to say, but I see
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  Speaker 1: we are nothing to each other. If you are quite
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  Speaker 1: convinced that any foolish passion on my part is entirely over,
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  Speaker 1: I will wish you good afternoon. He walked off, very hastily.
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  Speaker 1: What can he mean, thought Margaret. What can he mean
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  Speaker 1: by speaking so as if I were always thinking that
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  Speaker 1: he cared for me when I know he does not.
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  Speaker 1: He cannot. His mother will have said all those cruel
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  Speaker 1: things about me to him. But I won't care for him.
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  Speaker 1: I surely am mistress enough of myself to control this wild, strange,
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  Speaker 1: miserable feeling which tempted me even to betray my own
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  Speaker 1: dear Frederick, so that I might but regain his good opinion,
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  Speaker 1: the good opinion of a man who takes such pains
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  Speaker 1: to tell me that I am nothing to him. Come,
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  Speaker 1: poor little heart, be cheery and brave. Will be a
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  Speaker 1: great deal to one another if we are thrown off
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  Speaker 1: and left desolate. Her father was almost startled by her
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: merriment this afternoon. She talked incessantly and forced her natural
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  Speaker 1: humor to an unusual pitch. And if there was a
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: tinge of bitterness in much of what she said, if
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  Speaker 1: her accounts of the old Harley Street set were a
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  Speaker 1: little sarcastic, her father could not bear to check her,
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  Speaker 1: as he would have done at another time, for he
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  Speaker 1: was glad to see her shake off her cares. In
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  Speaker 1: the middle of the evening, she was called down to
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  Speaker 1: speak to Mary Higgins, and when she came back, mister
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  Speaker 1: Hale imagined that he saw traces of tears on her cheeks,
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  Speaker 1: but that could not be, for she brought good news
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  Speaker 1: that Higgins had got work at mister Thornton's mill. Her
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  Speaker 1: spirits were damped at any rate, and she found it
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  Speaker 1: very difficult to go on talking at all, much more
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: in the wild way that she had done. For some days.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Her spirits varied strangely, and her father was beginning to
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: be anxious about her when news arrived from one or
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: two quarters that promised some change and variety for her.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Mister Hale received a letter from mister Bell in which
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: that gentleman volunteered a visit to them, and mister Hale
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: that the promised society of his old Oxford friend would
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: give as agreeable a turn to Margaret's ideas as it
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: did to his own. Margaret tried to take an interest
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: in what pleased her father, but she was too languid
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: to care about any mister Bell, even though he were
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: twenty times her godfather. She was more roused by a
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: letter from Edith, full of sympathy about her aunt's death,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: full of details about herself, her husband and child, and
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: at the end saying that as the climate did not
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: suit the baby, and as missus Shaw was talking and
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: returning to England, she thought it probable that Captain Lennox
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: might sell out, and that they might all go and
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: live again in the old Harley Street house, which however,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: would seem very incomplete without Margaret. Margaret earned after that
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: old house, in the placid tranquility of that old, well ordered,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: monotonous life. She had found that occasionally tiresome while it lasted.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: But since then she had been buffeted about and felt
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: so exhausted by this recent struggle with herself that she
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: thought that even stagnation would be arrest and a refreshment.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: So she began to look towards long visit to the
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Lennoxes on their return to England, as to a point no,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: not of hope, but of leisure in which she could
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: regain her power and command over herself. At present, it
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: seemed to her as if all subjects tended towards mister Thornton,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: as if she could not forget him with all her endeavors.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: If she went to see the Higginses, she heard of
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: him there. Her father had resumed their readings together and
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: quoted his opinions perpetually. Even mister Bell's visit brought his
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: tenant's name upon the tapis, for he wrote word that
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: he believed he must be occupied some great part of
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: his time with mister Thornton, as a new lease was
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: in preparation, and the terms of it must be agreed upon.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: End of Chapter thirty nine, Recording by Leanne Howlett