Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 386. Ultimatums in a relationship - A dealbreaker or a wake up call? Head Noise

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386. Ultimatums in a relationship - A dealbreaker or a wake up call? Head Noise · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:11
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:15
Speaker 1: So this podcast episode is a head Noise episode. I'm
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Speaker 1: so excited. It's the first head Noise episode back for
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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, and I'm going to do the voice
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Speaker 1: note head Noise episode because i just love hearing your voices. Basically,
0:30
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0:34
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0:42
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0:50
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you want. Also, just a heads up.
0:54
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0:56
Speaker 1: my god, I made a huge mistake. I have mad regret,
1:00
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1:02
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1:06
Speaker 1: it was about this. I've changed my mind. I don't
1:08
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1:11
Speaker 1: then email and we will try and match it up
1:16
Speaker 1: to the voice message and then we won't read it
1:18
Speaker 1: out or play it out. So I'm just going to
1:22
Speaker 1: dive straight in. Let's get straight into it, because I'd
1:24
Speaker 1: rather spend most of this podcast resolving your problems and
1:28
Speaker 1: not mine. Not that I was talking about a problem,
1:31
Speaker 1: but anyway, let's begin.
1:34
Speaker 2: Hi, Alexis. I love the podcast. I've been listening for
1:37
Speaker 2: ages and love your wisdom. So maybe she is is
1:40
Speaker 2: that I really value connection and specifically friendships. That's probably
1:45
Speaker 2: my top value. But I just feel like I'm always
1:48
Speaker 2: reaching out and it's honestly really exhausting, and I feel
1:51
Speaker 2: like my friends just don't care as much about the
1:53
Speaker 2: friendships as I do. I've tried broach to an issue
1:56
Speaker 2: with one of my friends, but she just came back
1:59
Speaker 2: with like a novel of her schedule and didn't really
2:01
Speaker 2: acknowledge the issue. I don't know if that's just narcissistic,
2:06
Speaker 2: but whatever. I go to run clubs and I try
2:11
Speaker 2: to meety people all the time, and of course I'm
2:13
Speaker 2: going to keep doing that. But do I just stop
2:16
Speaker 2: reaching out to these people? And I guess the second
2:21
Speaker 2: question is is there any chance I can kind of
2:26
Speaker 2: switch my values? Because connection is like my top value
2:30
Speaker 2: at the moment, and I feel like it's been for
2:33
Speaker 2: my whole life. But I just feel like I would
2:35
Speaker 2: be so much happier if I could switch my values,
2:38
Speaker 2: kind of like if I could put my health first,
2:40
Speaker 2: because at least I can control my health for the
2:44
Speaker 2: most part. Well, I can't really control if people want
2:47
Speaker 2: to see me or not, you know, And I feel
2:50
Speaker 2: like a lot of my friends prioritize like saving for
2:54
Speaker 2: houses and stuff like that over friendship. So I just
2:57
Speaker 2: feel like I would be a lot happier if I
3:00
Speaker 2: could somehow switch my values. Anyway, that's the question. Thanks
3:04
Speaker 2: much better, Okay.
3:06
Speaker 1: Great question. I think that a lot of people do
3:09
Speaker 1: find themselves in a position where they're the ones that
3:11
Speaker 1: are always reaching out to their friends. They're not getting
3:13
Speaker 1: much back from their friends. Now, before we go into
3:16
Speaker 1: your friends like whatever, Before we get into it, I
3:20
Speaker 1: do want to preface that there are many reasons why
3:26
Speaker 1: your friends may not be reaching out to you. So
3:30
Speaker 1: one of them is that the friendship has run its course. So,
3:34
Speaker 1: for example, there are people in my life that not
3:37
Speaker 1: so much now because I've very much curated my friendship
3:39
Speaker 1: groups and it's all good, But for there were many
3:43
Speaker 1: moments in my life where there were friends that would
3:45
Speaker 1: always try and reach out to me to be like,
3:47
Speaker 1: let's catch up, let's catch up, and every time we
3:50
Speaker 1: caught up. And I actually heard something recently about this,
3:53
Speaker 1: and hopefully Shanaia. I'm just mentioning it to Shanai in
3:56
Speaker 1: case she knows where this is from. But it's this
3:59
Speaker 1: idea of the difference between hanging out and spending time
4:02
Speaker 1: with people versus like the catch up and we're catching
4:05
Speaker 1: up becomes just like, hey, we're seeing each other just
4:09
Speaker 1: to talk about our lives, just to like, I'm going
4:13
Speaker 1: to catch you up on my life up until now. Anyway,
4:16
Speaker 1: that was nice, bye, but you're not creating any new memories.
4:19
Speaker 1: And I found that there were several people in my
4:20
Speaker 1: life that I would have these catch ups, so it's
4:23
Speaker 1: like we have nothing that we're basing our friendship off
4:26
Speaker 1: any longer. We're good people, we're awesome, but every time
4:29
Speaker 1: we hang out, it's just like, so, I did this,
4:31
Speaker 1: I did this, I did this. How about you? What's
4:32
Speaker 1: been happening in your life? And I tell you and
4:34
Speaker 1: then we wrap it up by but we're not laughing
4:37
Speaker 1: our heads off, we're not going on adventures, we're not
4:39
Speaker 1: creating new memories together. And I found that with those friendships.
4:43
Speaker 1: It was nothing to do with bad blood, but I'm like,
4:46
Speaker 1: I get I'm drained. I literally sit down. I'm like,
4:49
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about the same shit that
4:51
Speaker 1: I've just been living. That's relatively like mundane and vice versa.
4:56
Speaker 1: And it sounds kind of mean, but those are the
4:58
Speaker 1: friendships that have run their core through no fault of anyone,
5:02
Speaker 1: through no bad blood. But you've just gone your separate ways.
5:05
Speaker 1: So I think it's important to acknowledge from your perspective
5:08
Speaker 1: which one of these friendships is in that category. And
5:11
Speaker 1: it's not about I'm done with the friendship, but it's
5:13
Speaker 1: like I definitely need to pull back on how much
5:16
Speaker 1: energy I give this. This might end up being like
5:19
Speaker 1: once every three month kind of I see you and
5:21
Speaker 1: I catch up, or maybe only when we're in a
5:23
Speaker 1: group we kind of hang out. But if you're not
5:25
Speaker 1: creating new memories with this people, then that's one reason
5:29
Speaker 1: why I think people then start pulling away. Also, you
5:32
Speaker 1: mentioned that your friend gave you like an entire itinerary
5:35
Speaker 1: of why she was so busy. It's definitely not narcissistic.
5:37
Speaker 1: Someone being busy as not being a narcissist. They might
5:40
Speaker 1: be self centered, But that's not narcissism. Narcissism is a
5:45
Speaker 1: whole fuck another thing. Which again, if you know, friendships
5:50
Speaker 1: have to be mutual to an extent, if there's no reason,
5:54
Speaker 1: like if there's no major changes in her life and
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Speaker 1: she hasn't raised anything being like, hey, I'm so so
6:00
Speaker 1: sorry i've been mia and not inviting you to things
6:03
Speaker 1: or not reaching out. I've just had this come up.
6:05
Speaker 1: Then again, it might just be that it's no longer
6:09
Speaker 1: mutual and it's kind of run its course, like you
6:11
Speaker 1: should never be begging someone to catch up with you.
6:14
Speaker 1: Having said that, if my friend has just gotten a
6:17
Speaker 1: job and it's very demanding, or she's just had a
6:20
Speaker 1: baby and that's like a huge life like shake up,
6:24
Speaker 1: I'm going to give her a lot of grace with
6:27
Speaker 1: why she's not inviting me, and then you can start
6:30
Speaker 1: obviously like warming it back up until you're both mutually
6:33
Speaker 1: inviting each other. But you know, if it's none of
6:35
Speaker 1: those reasons and they haven't said hey, I'm so sorry,
6:37
Speaker 1: I'm just like I can't right now, I'm inundated, I'm
6:40
Speaker 1: too stressed and whatever, but bear with me because I want,
6:42
Speaker 1: you know, if they haven't broached that with you again,
6:45
Speaker 1: the friendship might have run its course. Now, if you're
6:46
Speaker 1: finding this happening with all of your friends, either you've
6:50
Speaker 1: outgrown your friendship group. Maybe you need to be a
6:54
Speaker 1: little bit insightful as to like what kind of friendship
6:58
Speaker 1: do I provide them? Is there? And I'm not saying
7:00
Speaker 1: don't blame yourself. I'm just saying, like, have I found
7:03
Speaker 1: that the last encounters we've had just haven't been that
7:05
Speaker 1: enjoyable through both like reasons of like fifty to fifty
7:10
Speaker 1: everyone's contributing, But maybe I'm like, am I that fun
7:13
Speaker 1: to be around? Am I someone that wines a lot? Like,
7:15
Speaker 1: for example, I used to have a friend. And again
7:17
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, just double check, because I used to
7:20
Speaker 1: have a friend who every time would get together, it
7:22
Speaker 1: was like the universe was ending. Everything was that, it
7:26
Speaker 1: was like this went wrong, this went wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
7:30
Speaker 1: And then after she's spoken about everything that was wrong
7:32
Speaker 1: in her life, she then speaks about what's wrong with
7:34
Speaker 1: the government, what's wrong with the world, everything's fucked everything,
7:36
Speaker 1: And I leave being like, Okay, you could have had
7:39
Speaker 1: a bad day, fine, but this has been like that
7:41
Speaker 1: every time we've caught up, and I'm like, I am done.
7:44
Speaker 1: I'm fucking done, because at the end of the day,
7:46
Speaker 1: the time is precious. So you got to ask yourself,
7:48
Speaker 1: am I that person? Am I a drag to be around?
7:51
Speaker 1: Am I dragging people down? Hopefully not? And for the
7:56
Speaker 1: most part, for most people, it just comes down to
7:58
Speaker 1: the friendship has run it's And the best way to
8:02
Speaker 1: realize that is like, if there's absolutely no mutuality to
8:05
Speaker 1: you wanting to see each other, then it's not about
8:07
Speaker 1: forcing it. It's not about them being bad people. It's
8:09
Speaker 1: they've just outgrown it. They might feel bad saying it,
8:11
Speaker 1: they might not even acknowledge it yet, but they've outgrown it, okay.
8:15
Speaker 1: And in that regard, yes, I would give a lot
8:17
Speaker 1: less effort to these people. I would have no malice.
8:20
Speaker 1: I would not be angry, because that would be angry
8:23
Speaker 1: at just life taking its course. This stuff happens when
8:27
Speaker 1: people evolve and grow. But I would be putting my
8:30
Speaker 1: effort and energy into new connections and new people. When
8:34
Speaker 1: you mentioned to cover the next thing, when you talk
8:36
Speaker 1: about should I change my values? You can value other
8:42
Speaker 1: things more so they're more at the forefront of your life,
8:44
Speaker 1: Like your health, your wellness. You could lean into things
8:46
Speaker 1: with hobbies and careers and all of that. You absolutely
8:48
Speaker 1: can do that. However, when it comes to connection, connection
8:51
Speaker 1: is not necessarily a value, but it's a human need.
8:54
Speaker 1: We need connection. No matter how introverted you are, you
8:58
Speaker 1: need human connection. It is innately enough. So your desire
9:01
Speaker 1: for connection is completely natural. It's ingrained in you. It's
9:07
Speaker 1: basically you need it in order to survive. So everyone's
9:10
Speaker 1: got that intense need for a connection. I think where
9:14
Speaker 1: you need to be pivoting moving forward is thinking what
9:19
Speaker 1: is it about my personality? Or like, what is it
9:21
Speaker 1: about me that makes me me? And where am I
9:23
Speaker 1: most likely to find kinds of people that I can
9:26
Speaker 1: create experiences with? Okay, because a friendship that is long lasting,
9:34
Speaker 1: that is ever evolving are friendships that you are still
9:37
Speaker 1: creating new experiences. Because I've got old time sake friends
9:42
Speaker 1: that yes, you catch up, it's good to know that
9:43
Speaker 1: you're doing well whatever, but I do not crave hanging
9:46
Speaker 1: out with them, and I don't miss it. I care
9:48
Speaker 1: for them, I love them as people. But because we're
9:50
Speaker 1: just no longer aligned as ongoing friends, there's no desire
9:55
Speaker 1: to hang out with them, and I'm probably come off
9:58
Speaker 1: as maybe they I'm not a good friend because I'm
10:01
Speaker 1: not reaching out to hang out with him because the
10:02
Speaker 1: desire is not there, if that makes sense, And it
10:04
Speaker 1: sounds horrible, but that's just nature versus other friends, where
10:09
Speaker 1: like you're wanting to hang out with him because you're like,
10:12
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to make a good memory with you.
10:15
Speaker 1: And I know it's scary for people who are just
10:17
Speaker 1: starting out because you're thinking, well, fuck my life, I
10:21
Speaker 1: don't have anyone in my life that's like that. And
10:24
Speaker 1: where do I find friends as an adult? Number One,
10:27
Speaker 1: go listen to my episode about finding friends as an
10:29
Speaker 1: adult because it's very different to when you were younger
10:31
Speaker 1: and it's going to be harder for everyone. But secondly,
10:34
Speaker 1: lean into what are my personality traits and what kind
10:37
Speaker 1: of traits do I think people would like in me?
10:40
Speaker 1: And what would I want to find in them? Okay,
10:42
Speaker 1: because you need to do a bit of an inventory.
10:45
Speaker 1: Is like what do I have to offer as a friend?
10:46
Speaker 1: And if I do have these things to offer, where
10:49
Speaker 1: would that be valued? You know, if I'm really quirky
10:54
Speaker 1: and whatever, and you know, I like really weird things,
10:57
Speaker 1: I'm not going to probably find those same friends with
11:00
Speaker 1: the old group that I was hanging out with. Maybe
11:02
Speaker 1: I need to find these friends in you know, this
11:05
Speaker 1: new random hobby that I get involved in, or where
11:07
Speaker 1: I'm going to find more people that like different kind
11:10
Speaker 1: of music or different kind of whatever the fuck it is. Okay,
11:13
Speaker 1: but it's what do I have to offer? And who
11:15
Speaker 1: do I think would value what I have to offer?
11:17
Speaker 1: Because if it's all me, me, me, me ma, I want
11:19
Speaker 1: this connection. I want this connection. That's all well and good.
11:21
Speaker 1: It's important to know what you need and what you
11:22
Speaker 1: want one hundred percent. But sometimes that's where you get
11:27
Speaker 1: stuck because you're still trying to force friendships with people
11:30
Speaker 1: that don't value what you have to offer. Where am
11:32
Speaker 1: I going to be valued? Where can I give value? Okay?
11:36
Speaker 1: Because I know that I give a lot of fucking
11:38
Speaker 1: value to my friends, But there's also a lot of
11:40
Speaker 1: people that I would try and give that same value
11:42
Speaker 1: to and they wouldn't value it because it's not what
11:44
Speaker 1: they need, it's not what they want, it's not what
11:45
Speaker 1: they're into. Okay, So that's I think crucial when you're
11:49
Speaker 1: finding friends. What do I have to offer? It's also
11:52
Speaker 1: a nice exercise to know what it is that you
11:54
Speaker 1: have to offer and where am I likely to find
11:56
Speaker 1: these people? And it's likely not where you've been looking,
11:58
Speaker 1: and it's likely not in your old friends. Okay, hopefully
12:01
Speaker 1: that helped. But check out the episode on finding as
12:05
Speaker 1: an adult. And yes, I think you should value other
12:07
Speaker 1: things like bring it to the forefront so you feel
12:10
Speaker 1: entertained and energized. But I don't think that it's possible
12:14
Speaker 1: to reduce the value of a desire for connection.
12:18
Speaker 3: Next question, Hey, alexis so long story short. Three years ago,
12:24
Speaker 3: my life was pretty great. Fast forward to now, I'm
12:29
Speaker 3: thirty years old. I in the last two years, I've
12:32
Speaker 3: had two of my family members diagnosed with cancer, which
12:35
Speaker 3: has really put a new perspective for me a life
12:39
Speaker 3: and to really take stock of the things that are
12:42
Speaker 3: important to me. So along with this mission of bettering
12:46
Speaker 3: myself and my own life, I'm reaching out because I
12:50
Speaker 3: would love to hear tools or resources that you utilize
12:55
Speaker 3: for you to live more mindful and positive life. Overall,
13:00
Speaker 3: as we approach the new year, I would love to
13:03
Speaker 3: utilize new resources and try new things to make me
13:06
Speaker 3: feel like I'm not taking my life for granted and
13:09
Speaker 3: making sure I'm living a folf life for myself. So
13:12
Speaker 3: I'd love to hear suggestions you might have or even
13:18
Speaker 3: like books or other things that you recommend.
13:20
Speaker 1: Thank you, firstly, very sorry that you're going through that.
13:25
Speaker 1: That's really fucking sad and difficult, but also such a
13:28
Speaker 1: good question. I do have a book to recommend, and
13:31
Speaker 1: it's called The Five Wishes the Dying, and basically it's
13:35
Speaker 1: where I think, it's written by a nurse, and basically it's,
13:40
Speaker 1: you know, the top five wishes of people that are
13:43
Speaker 1: on their deathbed being surveyed in general, and what they
13:48
Speaker 1: wish they did differently or what they wish they had
13:50
Speaker 1: changed in their past. And it really puts things into
13:53
Speaker 1: perspective about how to live a really present life. Another
13:57
Speaker 1: thing that my sister does, and and the reason I'm
14:00
Speaker 1: talking about this is because we are talking about, you know,
14:02
Speaker 1: cancer diagnosis. It makes death feel really like real and
14:08
Speaker 1: as hard as it is to confront death, it's also
14:11
Speaker 1: an inevitable part of everybody's life. And I actually think
14:15
Speaker 1: that it's healthy for us to realize that our time
14:19
Speaker 1: on this earth as the beings that we are you
14:24
Speaker 1: know today, is finite, because that to me, will always
14:30
Speaker 1: always help put things into perspective. For example, if I
14:34
Speaker 1: am scrolling and it's been more than I don't know
14:37
Speaker 1: how long, and I think I'm going to one day
14:40
Speaker 1: be like I'm not going to have I'm not gonna
14:43
Speaker 1: be able to use my body, they won't want to
14:44
Speaker 1: use it. One day when I'm really old, I'm going
14:46
Speaker 1: to one day be you know, who knows how my
14:48
Speaker 1: life is gonna I'm gonna and I'm going to look
14:49
Speaker 1: back and be like, is this what I'm going to
14:52
Speaker 1: look back and think this is what I want to do?
14:53
Speaker 1: And it instantly snaps me out instantly. I sometimes think
14:58
Speaker 1: if I could go back, and and don't get me wrong,
15:00
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm doing a lot in my life.
15:01
Speaker 1: I'm not betting myself downe but I'm saying, if I
15:03
Speaker 1: could go back even five years, could I have been
15:05
Speaker 1: more productive? And I think, yeah, and not even productive
15:08
Speaker 1: as in like I've got to make money and career.
15:10
Speaker 1: I'm talking about could I have leant into more hobbies.
15:13
Speaker 1: Could I have spent more time doing like really fun shit.
15:16
Speaker 1: Could I have spent more time riding my motorcycle which
15:19
Speaker 1: sits there collecting dust? Yes, yes, yes, And yes, And
15:23
Speaker 1: when I look back and I ask myself these questions,
15:26
Speaker 1: it's good regret. It's healthy regret in the sense that
15:29
Speaker 1: it puts the fire in my belly to then want
15:32
Speaker 1: to do something now. And my sister does this thing.
15:36
Speaker 1: I think I've told you guys about it. Where you
15:38
Speaker 1: can order this chart, and basically it says, if you
15:40
Speaker 1: were to live to ninety or however long, and you
15:43
Speaker 1: put in your age, the chart comes with all these tiny, tiny,
15:46
Speaker 1: tiny dots, and the days that you've already lived are
15:49
Speaker 1: already like colored in, and then the days that you
15:51
Speaker 1: have left to live are not colored in yet. And
15:55
Speaker 1: she says, I mean some people like that's morbid. I
15:57
Speaker 1: could never fuck that. That's just so dark. But she
15:59
Speaker 1: says that that's a huge driver for her because if
16:02
Speaker 1: she wakes up and she sees that, she's like, that's right,
16:04
Speaker 1: this is what I've got left. Why am I gonna
16:06
Speaker 1: fucking Why am I going to waste it on this stuff?
16:08
Speaker 1: Look at these people who don't have much time. I
16:10
Speaker 1: have the luxury of more time than many other people
16:14
Speaker 1: that are standing in front of me. What am I
16:16
Speaker 1: going to do with that time? I think that these
16:18
Speaker 1: things really do kind of ignite a flame in us.
16:22
Speaker 1: And you also, you know, like if I honestly feel
16:27
Speaker 1: that people that don't have much time left they want
16:30
Speaker 1: to inspire other people, like don't waste your time, do
16:33
Speaker 1: something with it. Because if I was in your position,
16:35
Speaker 1: I would do so much with my time. I would
16:37
Speaker 1: probably do things with my time, maybe differently to how
16:39
Speaker 1: I did use my time. So you can use you know,
16:42
Speaker 1: you can learn a lot of lessons from these people
16:45
Speaker 1: around you. So that's a good book to read. Also,
16:52
Speaker 1: it's important in the mornings to remind yourself of things
16:55
Speaker 1: like where are my micro joy moments today, because it
16:59
Speaker 1: is very easy to get swept up in, you know,
17:03
Speaker 1: the bigger picture of like this is what I'm working towards.
17:06
Speaker 1: This is the goal I'm working towards, and I'm so big,
17:08
Speaker 1: I'm working towards major goals. It's so healthy to work
17:11
Speaker 1: towards something growth. It's important for the brain. There's a
17:13
Speaker 1: lot of good, but not if all your attention is
17:16
Speaker 1: on that. This is why everything in life is about balance,
17:19
Speaker 1: because you want a percentage of your attention to be
17:21
Speaker 1: on that bigger picture thing because it's good for many reasons.
17:24
Speaker 1: But if you're not ever enjoying the now. When the
17:26
Speaker 1: now of getting that thing rolls around, you're also not
17:29
Speaker 1: going to enjoy it. You can't be like focused on
17:33
Speaker 1: the end results. It's got to be focused on the journey.
17:36
Speaker 1: I very often wake up and say to myself, my
17:39
Speaker 1: number one priority is that I'm feeling joy today. And
17:42
Speaker 1: the days that I feel joy are the days that
17:44
Speaker 1: I'm more focused, more energetic, that things just happen for me. Okay,
17:48
Speaker 1: But it's because I'm leaning into these joyful moments. And
17:51
Speaker 1: the reason for that is when you are more present,
17:54
Speaker 1: you're likely to find happiness and create your own happiness,
17:57
Speaker 1: which is you're going to start to feel better because
18:00
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I'm leaning into these good moments. I'm not.
18:02
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to pause and call my friend.
18:05
Speaker 1: I'm going to pause when I get home and just
18:07
Speaker 1: put everything down and really play with my dog and
18:09
Speaker 1: just hold like I squish hubbibs snout into my face
18:12
Speaker 1: and then I get like a rash but it's so cute.
18:15
Speaker 1: But at these moments where I'm like, I'm going to
18:16
Speaker 1: be so present in this moment, or when I you know,
18:20
Speaker 1: when Tyrone gets home, I'm like, no, we're going to
18:22
Speaker 1: drop everything, pause and just like beautiful embrace. You know,
18:24
Speaker 1: like little things like that where you're like, where am
18:26
Speaker 1: I fine at these moments? If I'm cooking something that
18:28
Speaker 1: I love, I'm not gonna be in my phone or distracted.
18:30
Speaker 1: I'm going to like really relish this moment. If I'm
18:33
Speaker 1: watching a movie, get off your fucking phone and watch
18:35
Speaker 1: the fucking movie. These little moments make you think, Wow, God,
18:39
Speaker 1: isn't it nice that I get to experience this now,
18:41
Speaker 1: not look back and say, oh, wow, last year was
18:43
Speaker 1: fun because I did all these things, but at the
18:45
Speaker 1: time I wasn't present or enjoying it. It's only fun
18:48
Speaker 1: in hindsight. You want to be living it. In the moment.
18:50
Speaker 1: You start to release better, feel good neurotransmitters, neurochemicals, serotonin,
18:56
Speaker 1: you start to release dopa. Men, you're feeling really good,
18:58
Speaker 1: You're in the moment, you're present, you're driven, and then
19:01
Speaker 1: it actually helps you create other things in your life
19:04
Speaker 1: because you're in a proactive state. You're no longer reactive
19:07
Speaker 1: or I am you know, willing to do these things.
19:09
Speaker 1: I'm willing to go out there and you know, explore
19:13
Speaker 1: and be adventurous and be spontaneous. And that leads me
19:15
Speaker 1: to my last piece of advice is where is there
19:18
Speaker 1: space in your life to be spontaneous? I think that
19:22
Speaker 1: some of the best creations I've ever created in my
19:25
Speaker 1: life is due to being spontaneous, like a flip of
19:30
Speaker 1: a coin decision that's taken my life in another direction
19:34
Speaker 1: that's really worked wonders for me. And even if you
19:37
Speaker 1: fuck the big life decision thing, a flip of the
19:40
Speaker 1: coin of like, you know what, tonight, I'm actually gonna
19:43
Speaker 1: do that random thing that I've always you know, I'm
19:44
Speaker 1: just gonna do it. I'm gonna go out and do it.
19:45
Speaker 1: You know, someone's a friend asked me to do something
19:48
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh no, because I've got I'm
19:50
Speaker 1: just gonna say yes or whatever. It is, Like how
19:52
Speaker 1: often do you allow for spontaneity in your life? Because
19:56
Speaker 1: I think that again, when you're on your deathbed, you
19:59
Speaker 1: look back and be like, did I need to be
20:01
Speaker 1: so rigid? Could I have had more spontaneity in my life?
20:04
Speaker 1: And the answer is always yes. So that's hopefully that helped.
20:08
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry you're going to a hard time. I
20:10
Speaker 1: hate that since since all right next one.
20:38
Speaker 4: So I have a question, and it's really confusing me
20:41
Speaker 4: because I don't know which one is me choosing me
20:45
Speaker 4: because I've recently started this new relationship with someone and
20:49
Speaker 4: I've never really felt like this with anyone, even in
20:51
Speaker 4: my last relationships, Like no one's ever treated me like this.
20:53
Speaker 4: I've just been in toxic things my whole life. And
20:57
Speaker 4: I've been seeing for for four and a half years,
20:58
Speaker 4: and I just I was supposed to go to Europe
21:01
Speaker 4: this year with a kind of solo trip kind of
21:03
Speaker 4: with my friend as well, and he said that if
21:06
Speaker 4: I go, we won't be together, and if I do,
21:10
Speaker 4: then we will give me the ultimatum and he just
21:12
Speaker 4: won't really budge on it. And I just don't really
21:15
Speaker 4: know which one is the right decision, like which I
21:19
Speaker 4: don't It doesn't matter which way I do it. If
21:21
Speaker 4: I don't go, I feel like everyone's gonna be disappointing
21:25
Speaker 4: me for you not going. But if I do go,
21:26
Speaker 4: then I lose him as well, And I just don't know,
21:29
Speaker 4: Like obviously, Europe is something that you can do whenever,
21:31
Speaker 4: and I can travel whenever, and he's happy to travel
21:34
Speaker 4: with me like next year, But if I don't go.
21:38
Speaker 4: Does that mean that I'm letting myself done?
21:41
Speaker 3: I don't know.
21:41
Speaker 4: I just don't know what I want and I don't
21:43
Speaker 4: know how to figure out what I want and which
21:46
Speaker 4: one is the right thing, and it's just really stressful.
21:49
Speaker 4: So any help would greatly be appreciated at all, because
21:53
Speaker 4: this is just fucked, to be put it simply, But yeah,
21:58
Speaker 4: I really appreciate and aboute your anything you have to say.
22:01
Speaker 4: So yeah, if you let me know, thank you your podcast.
22:06
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, I think I have a feeling
22:09
Speaker 1: that a lot of the listeners know what I'm gonna say.
22:11
Speaker 1: A's the response. But okay, firstly, I would love to
22:17
Speaker 1: know why there is that ultimatum. Why is there the ultimatum?
22:23
Speaker 1: Why can I not go to Europe and we stay together?
22:29
Speaker 1: Because the only reason that really comes to mind that
22:34
Speaker 1: I can think of without thinking really deep into it
22:36
Speaker 1: is a trust issue. Is that a lack of trust
22:40
Speaker 1: because I can't see or if you were like, I'm
22:44
Speaker 1: going to spend my last dollar when we're both saving
22:46
Speaker 1: for something, but I'm gonna blow all my money and
22:48
Speaker 1: they could be like, well, you're not being responsible whatever,
22:51
Speaker 1: So what is the reason. Number One when you get
22:55
Speaker 1: the reason for why he is giving the ultimate it
23:00
Speaker 1: will give you a much clearer idea of how to
23:02
Speaker 1: move forward. But I'm going to go with probably the
23:04
Speaker 1: obvious answer, and it has to do with a jealousy thing.
23:06
Speaker 1: You're going with your friends. He doesn't feel comfortable and
23:10
Speaker 1: he doesn't want you to go. Yes, it's true that
23:13
Speaker 1: Europe is always going to be there, but is this
23:17
Speaker 1: trip always going to be there? How much do you
23:20
Speaker 1: value the experiences and the memories that you're going to
23:23
Speaker 1: make on this trip, Because it's true also that this trip,
23:25
Speaker 1: you know, it's only going to be a short amount
23:27
Speaker 1: of time. It's going to come and go, and then
23:29
Speaker 1: you've got to suffer the repercussions for the you know,
23:31
Speaker 1: for the foreseeable future if the relationship ends for this month.
23:34
Speaker 1: But you've got to look at it in a different lens.
23:36
Speaker 1: You've got to be like, you're a trip with my
23:39
Speaker 1: girlfriends is something that I will hold close to my
23:43
Speaker 1: heart literally forever. I reflect back on my travels daily.
23:48
Speaker 1: It literally has formed to the person that I am.
23:50
Speaker 1: I can't explain, and I feel like you would value
23:52
Speaker 1: it as much because this is a big conundrum in
23:54
Speaker 1: your head. If you were like, ah, take it or
23:55
Speaker 1: leave it, then you probably would have just left it
23:57
Speaker 1: and stayed home. Obviously, it's pressed enough, and there's a
24:01
Speaker 1: deep desire to go with your friends that you're thinking, no, no, no,
24:05
Speaker 1: this is like I'm stuck. Okay, so this is something
24:09
Speaker 1: that you really value, you really really want to experience this,
24:14
Speaker 1: and I can tell you right now it is everything
24:18
Speaker 1: and more doing a trip with your friends overseas, it's
24:21
Speaker 1: everything you want and more. It is the best. And
24:23
Speaker 1: you forge memories with your friends when you travel that
24:27
Speaker 1: you just don't forge when you're at home. The random
24:31
Speaker 1: shit that happens, the spontaneity, the things you never saw coming,
24:34
Speaker 1: even the fucked stories end up being the best memories,
24:37
Speaker 1: Like I can't it is just like all of like
24:41
Speaker 1: all the top top top memories. I would say ninety
24:43
Speaker 1: percent of my top like hilarious memories with my friends
24:46
Speaker 1: are when we've been like something's happened and we've been traveling,
24:49
Speaker 1: and it's just so enriching in your life. Not to
24:52
Speaker 1: mention obviously what you're going to absorb when you are there. Okay,
24:55
Speaker 1: So let's that's done for Uponna to not want that
24:59
Speaker 1: for you is really sad, and what else if they
25:05
Speaker 1: can get this ultimatum, what else are they going to
25:08
Speaker 1: be able to convince you to do otherwise? So personally,
25:13
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what I'll do, and then I'll still
25:15
Speaker 1: continue to talk about it. I would go to Europe.
25:18
Speaker 1: And if your partner says, so, you're choosing Europe over me,
25:23
Speaker 1: I would say, no, No, you are making the decision.
25:26
Speaker 1: You are choosing to end this. I am in a relationship,
25:29
Speaker 1: and I am in a relationship that I want to
25:31
Speaker 1: be in. But the relationship I want to be in
25:33
Speaker 1: is a secure relationship, and up until now, I thought
25:36
Speaker 1: that's what I had. And a secure relationship is where
25:39
Speaker 1: trust exists. Where I would never stop my partent from
25:42
Speaker 1: going on a trip with his friends, and I would
25:44
Speaker 1: never want my partner to stop me going on a
25:46
Speaker 1: trip with my friends, because I've got my whole life
25:48
Speaker 1: ahead of me, and I would like to think that
25:50
Speaker 1: I would like to be able to go on trips
25:52
Speaker 1: with my friends and with you, but sometimes just with
25:55
Speaker 1: my friends throughout my life, okay, And if that's not
25:58
Speaker 1: going to be possible, then that says a lot about
26:00
Speaker 1: the cracks that exist in our relationship. And the level
26:02
Speaker 1: of trust or it says a lot that I thought
26:04
Speaker 1: we had more trust than we actually did. So I'm
26:07
Speaker 1: not breaking up. I'm not leaving the relationship. You're leaving
26:10
Speaker 1: the relationship. You are choosing to make it make or break.
26:13
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm telling you what I'm doing. I'm not asking.
26:16
Speaker 1: You're not my parent and I'm not a minor. I'm
26:19
Speaker 1: telling you that with my money, I am going to
26:22
Speaker 1: Europe with my friends like normal people do. Okay. I
26:25
Speaker 1: don't need to be told that I can and cannot
26:28
Speaker 1: do something. Okay. So if he turns around and say
26:33
Speaker 1: you're choosing Europe over the relationship, I'm gonna say no, No,
26:36
Speaker 1: that is your choice. That it's all on you. Don't
26:39
Speaker 1: flip it around to try and make it look like
26:41
Speaker 1: I've ended the relationship. The ball is in your court.
26:44
Speaker 1: I'm just living my life. I'm just doing what I
26:46
Speaker 1: need to be doing. If this is enough to end
26:49
Speaker 1: a relationship, I have everything I need to know. I
26:53
Speaker 1: have all the answers. Because it says that you can't
26:56
Speaker 1: come across a challenge in a relationship. Number One, it
26:58
Speaker 1: says that you don't trust me, and I've given you
27:00
Speaker 1: no reason for you not to trust me. It says
27:03
Speaker 1: that you're going to use the threat of a breakup
27:06
Speaker 1: not just today, but in the future of the relationship.
27:09
Speaker 1: It says that you are happy to manipulate your partner,
27:11
Speaker 1: and it says that you're not willing to deal with
27:13
Speaker 1: your own demons, and instead you make an ultimatum. So
27:17
Speaker 1: it says, at least there's five things, and so therefore
27:21
Speaker 1: I'm going to use this opportunity for you to grow
27:23
Speaker 1: as a person. I'm gonna let you grow and say,
27:27
Speaker 1: you know what, I shouldn't have given the ultimatum because
27:29
Speaker 1: I value the friendship. Or you can walk away, but
27:33
Speaker 1: I'm not the one making the decision. Because people love
27:35
Speaker 1: to be like, you're choosing this, but it's like, no, can't. No,
27:39
Speaker 1: you want to make it about me. You want to
27:41
Speaker 1: be the victim. You want to be the victim. And
27:44
Speaker 1: if you want to be the victim, be the victim.
27:46
Speaker 1: But don't be the victim on my watch. I've got
27:48
Speaker 1: better things to do with my time. I'm here for
27:50
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship and if you want to meet me there,
27:52
Speaker 1: I'm here for it. But if you're going to start
27:54
Speaker 1: dragging me down and trying to make it look like
27:56
Speaker 1: I cause the demise of the relationship. You need a
27:58
Speaker 1: fucking mirror, you need a fucking miss and you need
28:00
Speaker 1: to calm the fuck down and put life into perspective, okay,
28:03
Speaker 1: because life is too short to be controlled by ridiculous
28:07
Speaker 1: ultimatums that are under the guise of oh but I
28:10
Speaker 1: just love you so much, or if you care about me. Okay,
28:12
Speaker 1: I can tell you right now. I don't know how
28:14
Speaker 1: old you are, but I can tell you right now.
28:17
Speaker 1: The older you get, you're going to start to kick
28:20
Speaker 1: yourself when you allow people to do this thing. This
28:23
Speaker 1: will be a regret you will have for the rest
28:25
Speaker 1: of your life if you don't do the trip. And
28:28
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's just because of the trip, is
28:30
Speaker 1: because you let someone dictate what you're going to do
28:35
Speaker 1: with your life, and no one should ever do that.
28:38
Speaker 1: The only time someone can dictate what you do with
28:40
Speaker 1: your life is a parent who is parenting a minor.
28:44
Speaker 1: Apart from that, no, under no circumstance, and he is
28:48
Speaker 1: trying to set the standard for the future. I'm not
28:49
Speaker 1: going to go into if he's toxic or not. You've
28:51
Speaker 1: said he's traded you so well so I'm not even
28:53
Speaker 1: going to go into that, but this right now not okay,
28:57
Speaker 1: that is what I would say, rehearse and fucking spit
29:01
Speaker 1: it out to him, because I'm telling you right now,
29:04
Speaker 1: there is no benefit whatsoever staying because you are choosing
29:11
Speaker 1: to stay with someone who is happy to manipulate you
29:14
Speaker 1: out of doing something for you that's going to be
29:15
Speaker 1: healthy for you. And at the end of the day,
29:19
Speaker 1: good on him, congratulations. You don't want to date someone
29:22
Speaker 1: that's going to go overseas, there's nothing wrong with that.
29:24
Speaker 1: But you need to find your match. I'm not it.
29:26
Speaker 1: I'm not it. I need to free you. You need
29:30
Speaker 1: to spread your fucking wings and find someone who aligns
29:33
Speaker 1: with that be my guest. But I'm not that person.
29:38
Speaker 1: And this is a big deal. There are small non
29:41
Speaker 1: negotiable they are like a small negotiables, and then there
29:43
Speaker 1: are non negotiables in a relationship. To me, this kind
29:47
Speaker 1: of and the reason I'm like blowing up right now
29:49
Speaker 1: is because the exact same thing happened to me. The
29:51
Speaker 1: exact same thing happened to me where I was so
29:53
Speaker 1: madly in love and I was going away for three
29:55
Speaker 1: months to La and he was like it's me, or La,
29:57
Speaker 1: It's me or La and there and I said it's
30:01
Speaker 1: La and I was really in love with him. And
30:03
Speaker 1: then people would say, well, are you willing to throw
30:04
Speaker 1: out the relationship? Are you willing? And I kept saying
30:07
Speaker 1: I don't want to throw the relationship away. I hope
30:09
Speaker 1: he changes his mind, but I've got this deep down
30:12
Speaker 1: gut feeling and I just know I have to go.
30:15
Speaker 1: I know that if I stayed, something's gonna go wrong
30:18
Speaker 1: and I'll regret it. I just knew I had an
30:20
Speaker 1: instinct and I knew that staying would be wrong. And
30:23
Speaker 1: then he turned out to be not a good person. Okay,
30:26
Speaker 1: but what I'm saying is that this was a manipulation
30:30
Speaker 1: tactic and in hindsight, it was like it still would
30:33
Speaker 1: have ended the relationship and I would have lost the
30:35
Speaker 1: relationship and the opportunity. So instead of losing both, just
30:39
Speaker 1: lose one, lose the dead weight. Go to fucking Europe. Okay,
30:42
Speaker 1: hopefully that's inspired you to get a ticket to Madrid. Okay,
30:48
Speaker 1: we have one more, let's go.
30:53
Speaker 5: Hi, Alexis. I love your podcast. I've been listening to
30:56
Speaker 5: it feels like forever, and I love all the episodes
31:00
Speaker 5: on Everything and your little neuroscience fact tips. But basically,
31:07
Speaker 5: I have booked a ticket to go to South Korea,
31:10
Speaker 5: and I'm so excited. It's my fourth time going and
31:14
Speaker 5: I cannot wait. However, in terms of my career, I'm
31:17
Speaker 5: just in a bit of a pickle that has kind
31:19
Speaker 5: of kept going and I'm just unsure of which direction
31:25
Speaker 5: to go in My career has been stagnant for the
31:28
Speaker 5: last maybe six months, and I've been in the same
31:30
Speaker 5: workplace for ten years, and I just need a change,
31:34
Speaker 5: and I don't know what the change is.
31:36
Speaker 1: And I've looked and looked.
31:37
Speaker 5: And looked, and I feel like that's just caused friction
31:39
Speaker 5: because I keep pushing, and you know how you keep
31:42
Speaker 5: pushing and then you don't get what you want. So
31:44
Speaker 5: I'm just trying to receive and let what it is
31:47
Speaker 5: or whatever my passion may be come to me. But
31:50
Speaker 5: it's if it's outside of my career that I'm doing currently.
31:54
Speaker 5: But I guess my question is how do I configure that?
31:57
Speaker 1: How do I figure that out?
31:59
Speaker 5: And at the same time, I'm stay motivated despite the
32:01
Speaker 5: anxiety is surrounding. I guess finance and future and stability
32:07
Speaker 5: and all the things like that. Anyway, looking forward to
32:10
Speaker 5: hearing from you, and thank you so much for taking
32:13
Speaker 5: in my request.
32:15
Speaker 1: Such a good question. Firstly, so excited for your trip.
32:18
Speaker 1: That sounds epic. I just love this for you. Okay,
32:21
Speaker 1: this is a really really, really really good question. I
32:25
Speaker 1: think so many people can relate to something along the
32:27
Speaker 1: lines of this. Look, I feel like there needs to
32:32
Speaker 1: be a change in how you even worded the question,
32:34
Speaker 1: because you were like, how do I find you know
32:37
Speaker 1: something that I'm passionate about?
32:39
Speaker 3: What?
32:39
Speaker 1: Like, how do I find a solution to this while
32:41
Speaker 1: staying motivated? I would actually say, because you've reached it's stagnated.
32:47
Speaker 1: You've been there for ten years, obviously for six months
32:49
Speaker 1: nothing's been able to happen. You're pushing, you're pushing against
32:51
Speaker 1: a ceiling. It doesn't feel like it's happening. I actually
32:54
Speaker 1: would remove the motivation to your career specifically, just that
32:59
Speaker 1: do what you need to do. But I feel like
33:01
Speaker 1: you're just pouring in your heart and soul into something
33:04
Speaker 1: that's not fucking working. You're giving your energy where it's
33:07
Speaker 1: not being returned, and you've tried long enough and for
33:11
Speaker 1: whatever reason, it's not clicking, and given that it's a
33:14
Speaker 1: career that's making you money. Otherwise i'd say, oh, stop
33:16
Speaker 1: doing it all together. But this is something that's linked
33:18
Speaker 1: to finances, which is linked to your livelihoods. I'm not
33:20
Speaker 1: going to say quit. Don't do that unless you have
33:23
Speaker 1: the means to do so. So probably don't do that.
33:25
Speaker 1: But just take a pause on your motivation, because your
33:31
Speaker 1: motivation right now, you're trying to maintain this motivation in
33:34
Speaker 1: your career, but you don't even know if you want
33:35
Speaker 1: to keep that career. So you're confusing yourself. You're saying,
33:39
Speaker 1: I'm just going to stay motivated. I'm just going to
33:41
Speaker 1: keep hitting these goals, hitting these goals, working really hard work,
33:43
Speaker 1: giving my all to something that's I'm not getting any
33:46
Speaker 1: return from. But then I've got to try and find
33:48
Speaker 1: my passion outside of that. I would pull the fuck back.
33:51
Speaker 1: I'd still do what I need to do to stay employed,
33:53
Speaker 1: but I would be like for the next and I
33:54
Speaker 1: would give myself a time frame. Give yourself a time frame.
33:58
Speaker 1: Make it three months, two months, make it let's say
34:01
Speaker 1: two months. For the next two months, I'm going to
34:03
Speaker 1: pull right fucking back, and I'm going to give myself
34:06
Speaker 1: a mental holiday. From this job and I'm only going
34:09
Speaker 1: to do what I absolutely need to do, and I'm
34:12
Speaker 1: going to be playful. For the following two months, I'm
34:15
Speaker 1: going to explore different things. I'm going to start reading
34:17
Speaker 1: different books. I'm going to think of who are the
34:19
Speaker 1: people that I look up to the most in how
34:21
Speaker 1: they live their life, not to do with career, in
34:24
Speaker 1: how they live their life. And why do I value
34:27
Speaker 1: how they live their life? Is it because they own
34:30
Speaker 1: their afternoons and their evenings, Because sometimes, like some of
34:34
Speaker 1: the happiest people I know have a job that they're like, ah,
34:37
Speaker 1: it's good, but their life just thrives outside of the
34:41
Speaker 1: nine to five, Like they are just so present, they
34:45
Speaker 1: have the best connections, They go on adventures, they say,
34:48
Speaker 1: for the best trips, like their life is the richest life.
34:51
Speaker 1: And they're like, oh, my job's just that, like my
34:53
Speaker 1: job pays for my life. Right, So I think you
34:57
Speaker 1: need to kind of turn it into that kind of
34:59
Speaker 1: scenario for now and then you start so that's one
35:02
Speaker 1: kind of life that you could value, thinking like, fuck,
35:04
Speaker 1: I really really like how this person lives there. You know,
35:07
Speaker 1: once they finish work, what are they doing with their time?
35:10
Speaker 1: Because so many people. You know, they have a thriving career,
35:12
Speaker 1: but you look at what's happening outside of their life
35:14
Speaker 1: and they're like, get home, they're on the couch, they're
35:16
Speaker 1: fucking doom scrolling. They're like, oh, I'm just so burnt out.
35:18
Speaker 1: Then they got to say and then they repeat the
35:20
Speaker 1: whole thing. So they might be thriving in their career,
35:22
Speaker 1: but their life outside of their job is like a
35:24
Speaker 1: bit kind of sad really because they're not really living
35:28
Speaker 1: outside of their job. So what are the lifestyles that
35:31
Speaker 1: you value and why? Because there might be the opportunity
35:35
Speaker 1: for the next few months for you to do Just
35:37
Speaker 1: don't think about the future. Just pause. I'm going to
35:40
Speaker 1: go on a hiatus of trying to figure out what
35:42
Speaker 1: I need to do with my career just for two months,
35:44
Speaker 1: and my sole goal is to relish and like milk
35:50
Speaker 1: my five to nine okay and weekends that time? How
35:55
Speaker 1: do I turn it into the time of my life?
35:58
Speaker 1: And you don't even have to spend crazy amounts of money.
36:00
Speaker 1: But can I be more present? Can I go and
36:02
Speaker 1: watch the sunset every day? Can I be like what
36:05
Speaker 1: can I be doing in the morning? Is how can
36:07
Speaker 1: I turn it around? So my focus is not on
36:11
Speaker 1: the aspect of my money that brings the aspect of
36:13
Speaker 1: my life that brings in money to pay my rent.
36:15
Speaker 1: But I'm really focused on these, like, you know, moments
36:19
Speaker 1: that make that really make my life what it is,
36:22
Speaker 1: the interactions, the spontaneity, the funny moments, the beautiful sunsets,
36:26
Speaker 1: like the book that I'm reading, the exciting thing that
36:29
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to, the thing I'm looking forward
36:31
Speaker 1: to on the weekend. I can guarantee you that if
36:34
Speaker 1: you mentally take a step back from needing to maintain
36:37
Speaker 1: your motivation, and you think I'm taking a mental like
36:40
Speaker 1: I'm tapping out and doing the bare minimum and I'm
36:42
Speaker 1: focusing on this, the answer will come to you. And
36:45
Speaker 1: the reason it will come to you is because you're relaxed.
36:48
Speaker 1: You feel a lot less stressed. Even if the exact
36:51
Speaker 1: answer is not there, you will become aware of what's
36:55
Speaker 1: possible for you, and doors will open for you. Doors
36:58
Speaker 1: will open because because you're aware of them. Right now,
37:01
Speaker 1: it's so like you've got a lot on your plate.
37:03
Speaker 1: You're still trying to stay motivated, You're trying to fight
37:06
Speaker 1: this fuck and fight at work, and so you're not
37:08
Speaker 1: seeing all these opportunities because it's just not available for
37:10
Speaker 1: you right now right. So for me, like I was pushing,
37:15
Speaker 1: pushing with acting ages ago, and I really wanted to happen,
37:17
Speaker 1: it was just like roadblock and roadblock and roadblock. And
37:20
Speaker 1: the problem with that is not only was it not
37:23
Speaker 1: good in acting, but it was affecting every other air
37:26
Speaker 1: of my life. I'm like, I don't want to go
37:27
Speaker 1: on that trip because what if an audition comes up
37:28
Speaker 1: and I don't want to do this and I really
37:29
Speaker 1: want to, and I was like, I was not having fun.
37:32
Speaker 1: The point of wanting to do my career in acting
37:34
Speaker 1: is that I used to think it was fun and
37:35
Speaker 1: then it was no longer fun. So I thought, I'm
37:37
Speaker 1: going to take six months off. I'm done. I just
37:38
Speaker 1: need a breather, I need to reapproach it with a freshead.
37:40
Speaker 1: Two months in, I'm like, I am done, done, I'm
37:44
Speaker 1: never returning to that career again. Good on people that
37:46
Speaker 1: can stick it out. I actually genuinely love that for them,
37:48
Speaker 1: but it's not for me. And I realized it was
37:50
Speaker 1: not for me, and I didn't even really know what
37:52
Speaker 1: I was going to do, and I loved that. I
37:55
Speaker 1: loved it that I could be happy not knowing what
37:56
Speaker 1: I wanted to do, but knowing that it wasn't. That
37:58
Speaker 1: I had my answer, and it felt felt fucking good.
38:01
Speaker 1: It felt very liberating. So that is my advice to you.
38:04
Speaker 1: I hope this is applicable to your lifestyle, or at
38:07
Speaker 1: least aspects of that advice is applicable to your lifestyle,
38:10
Speaker 1: because I can tell you right now be a game changer.
38:12
Speaker 1: You'd be more present, you be a lot calmer, you'd
38:14
Speaker 1: be happier than ever, and you'll be able to enjoy
38:16
Speaker 1: this trip that's coming up. You'll be able to let
38:18
Speaker 1: go of things. It will feel liberating. Okay, guys, thank
38:23
Speaker 1: you so much for writing it, or for actually for
38:26
Speaker 1: speaking in for sending your voice messages. I love hearing
38:29
Speaker 1: your voices so much. It's cute. It's like we're having
38:31
Speaker 1: a conversation, and I love it. Anyway. I'm like sweating
38:34
Speaker 1: with excitement right now. I should have turned the airconne on.
38:37
Speaker 1: That is all for today. Please send in your voice messages.
38:39
Speaker 1: I will have an episode next week probably on the
38:42
Speaker 1: emails that get sent through. So we're giving love to
38:44
Speaker 1: the voice messages and the emails as well, but that
38:46
Speaker 1: is all for today's episode. Love you guys so much.
38:50
Speaker 1: As always, remember be cain'd to yourself, you can't to
38:52
Speaker 1: your brain. Don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't
38:54
Speaker 1: take shit from yourself. Dugger