Latest / Lead With Clarity: Practical Insight for Senior Leaders / The Story You Haven't Heard Yet
Transcript
- Blake Holman: Welcome to Lead with Clarity. This is a space for leaders who want to grow without losing themselves in the process. Each episode is a short reflection on leadership, influence, and the inner work that shapes how we show up for others. It's not hype, not noise, just clear thinking for the journey of leading well. Today's episode is entitled The Story You Haven't Heard Yet. Here we go. Think about the last person at work who genuinely frustrated you. Maybe it was someone who pushed back constantly. Maybe it was someone who seemed checked out. Maybe it was someone you just couldn't read. You made a call about that person. Most of us do. We have to. We're moving fast, we're managing complexity, and we don't have time to dig into every dynamic. So we label, we categorize, we move on. Here's what I want you to sit with today. What if that label was wrong? Not because the behavior wasn't real. I mean it was, right? But what if the behavior was the surface, and the story underneath it would have changed everything about how you led that person? Fred Rogers said this, and I know for some of you the name alone makes you skeptical. He was a children's television host, soft spoken, gentle. What does he know about leadership? More than most executives I've studied, honestly. He said, Frankly, there isn't anyone you couldn't learn to love once you've heard their story. That is not a sentimental statement. That is one of the most sophisticated observations about human behavior ever put into play in language. I've coached senior leaders for years, and when I probe into their most difficult relationships, the ones that cost them talent, eroded their teams, created lasting tension almost every single time there's a gap. Not a gap in capability, a gap in understanding. They never heard the story, and they made consequential decisions without it. One of my clients wrote off a direct report as disengaged. Performance managed her, nearly terminated her. Then in a routine one-on-one, something shifted. She said something offhand about what the previous two years had been like for her personally. He actually listened. It changed the entire dynamic. Within six months, she was one of his highest performers. The behavior hadn't changed right away, but his response to it did, because now he understood where it was coming from. And that's what Fred Rogers is pointing at. So here's the misread that I see most often. Leaders hear a quote like this and they think it's about being nice, about being soft, about giving people a pass. That's not what this is about. Understanding someone's story does not mean you accept poor performance. It doesn't mean you abandon accountability. It doesn't mean you become a therapist. It means you have enough context to lead effectively. Those are completely different things. Empathy without standards is not leadership. But standards without empathy create environments where the best people eventually stop trying. So here's a reframe for you. Curiosity is a leadership competency, not a personality trait, not a soft skill reserved for certain types of leaders. It's a competency. Something you can develop, practice, and deploy deliberately. The most effective leaders I know are unusually curious about people. Not in an intrusive way or a creepy way, but in a genuine this person matters kind of way. They ask questions that go one layer deeper than the professional. They create the kind of space where people feel seen. And people who feel seen perform differently. They stay differently. They commit differently. You don't have to know everything about someone's history to lead them well, but you do need to know more than their output metrics. You need to know something about who they are. Before your next difficult conversation, pause for 10 seconds and ask yourself one question. What don't I know about this person? Not what's wrong with them, but what don't I know? That single question can shift you from judgment to curiosity. And curiosity opens doors that judgment keeps permanently shut. Think about one person in your world right now who has been labeled. Maybe by you, maybe by the team, maybe by the organization. Difficult, resistant, disengaged. Now ask yourself: have you heard their story? Really heard it? If the answer is no, That might be the most important leadership conversation you could have this week. Fred Rogers spent his entire career reminding people that every human being has inherent dignity. That understanding, not agreement, is the beginning of real connection. He was right. And the leaders who build the most loyal, high performing teams are the ones who figured out that understanding their people is not separate from leading them. It is the work. Behavior is downstream of experience. When you understand where someone's been, you become a far more effective leader of where they're going. And that's not sentiment, that's strategy.