Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Prank 26 Oct 2026

Transcript

Prank 26 Oct 2026 · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Here we go.
• 0:02
  Speaker 3: Here we go.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Here is another senseless survey from Darren Wackhead Simpson on
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: KFM Mornings.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: KFM Mornings.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Let's gather around the table. Sherlyn, how many questions will
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I ask in this morning's census survey?
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: Twelve. Twelve. Sips.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Nine questions.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Nine. All right. Ramis? Eleven questions.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Eleven.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Producer Brett? Fourteen. Hey.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: 14.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Okay. One of you is correct. Okay. I need Shonda
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Paul tickets. You want Shonda Paul?
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Well, it's not Youssef's. It's not mine. Rameez, this is a...
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: How many tickets would you like, Rameez? He's already got.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Don't start this. And to what? No, don't start this.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I want prize number eight. What is happening at number eight?
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Prize number eight.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, my goodness.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Wow, this is... This is a... Yes. That's what I want.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: I mean, for three hours.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Three hours. What an experience.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: This is a DJ Yummy. House party. Three hours in
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Cape Town. Did you know about this, Producer Brett?
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Because, you know, sometimes, you know, there's a spot on
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: the wheel and I thought you just doing Producer Jean
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: is solid.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Like, I'll be your number eight, Producer Jean.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Jean said, do you have a prize? I said, I
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: got the prize. Yeah! So you provide the sound equipment.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I'll pull in. And the lights.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Everything.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: So if I'm throwing a party and there's no sound,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I don't even have a speaker.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: You're coming with Alice. You just need me. You just
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: need yummy. This is quite a flex.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: You know, I was busy watching an interview with my soul.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: Do you know my soul? He's a.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Mining billionaire. He bought the house next to Black Coffee
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: here in Nettleton Road.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: No relation to Saul Kersner. Not Saul Kersner. Okay, the
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: late Saul Kersner.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: He goes by the name Masol. Okay.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: So, mining, the Northwest Province, Rastanburg, crow mining, all this stuff.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: Billionaire. Billionaire, billionaire. Lamborghinis, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Bought the house here, cash,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: by the way.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: 200 million, Nettleton Road, cash. And he said, you know,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: he doesn't go out, but he just, like, You know,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: when he feels like having a party, he only parties
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: at home.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: So he just phones up Cuesta.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: How much?
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Come play. Empty? Come play. You just name your price.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Come down to my little house party with my 25 mates.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to watch your show, but you can
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: come do a.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Show, yeah. For me and my friends.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: DJ Abbey, come play at my one-bedroom apartment. Before I
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: get a noise complaint, can you squeeze in 30 minutes?
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Imagine that happens. Party for one DJ Yummy. That'll be
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: a bit weird. It's a different prize. DJ Yummy, when
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: you get there, the door will be open. Follow the
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: rose petals.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I've got a special outfit for you in the package.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: I need a remake. He's only serious people. Don't be weird.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: You need to be safe out there, DJ.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: So, Brad, I'm sure you're looking for 30th birthday parties,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: 40th birthday parties.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: End of year parties. You're also doing ladies' nights?
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: For sure, for sure. Yeah, don't call me for the kids' parties.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: I don't know what the kids are listening to. Okay, okay. Okay,
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: so look, that's one of the prizes on offer. You're
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: going to have to spin to win that.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: All right, so here is this morning's census survey where
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: I'll phone up a random person, ask them ridiculous questions.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: The object is to see how many questions I can
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: get through before they get totally annoyed and I put
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: the phone down.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: Here it is.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Good morning, ma'am.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I'm agent 31962. I'm calling you from the Senseless Bureau.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I just need 30 seconds of your time to ask
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: you a few questions for your country that you forgot
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: to fill out.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, ma'am.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Why do banks charge money for an insufficient balance even
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: when they know there isn't any money?
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: It's bank charges.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: You're supposed to pay those bank charges, even if you
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: don't have any money.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Do you know that a fear of long words is
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: referred to as a hippopotamonstrosis-quipped aliofobia?
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: No.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: It's true.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Is it better to be a wolf that everyone dislikes
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: or a donkey that everyone rides?
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: The wolf.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Do you know that people don't decide their futures, they
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: decide their habits, and their habits decide their future.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: You can't decide for your future, the habits decide for
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: your future. Yes, it's true.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Ma'am, why aren't AI robots working in the mines or pulling.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Plastic out of the ocean?
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Why are they writing emails and making PowerPoints?
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Because AI is digital.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Was your mistake giving your heart to someone who needed
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: a brain? If you drop a piece of soap on
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: the floor, is the floor clean or is the soap dirty?
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: If a doctor has a heart attack during a surgery,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: do the other doctors work on the patient or the
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: doctor first? If a vampire bites a zombie, does the
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: zombie become a vampire or does the vampire get food poisoning?
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Imagine being a dog going to the vet. You have
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: four armpits, a mouth and a forehead. And they still
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: stick the thermometer up your bum. The bright light is
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: the info.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Enough.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: Also, what was that? What was that, Darren?
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: What state of mind were you in during that phone call?
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: It's always bad stuff.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: No, man.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: It's always something.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: But before the butt, also like vampires.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Like it's a lot. But then butt stuff.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I know how to get people to put the phone down.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: It's always butt stuff. Always. But now I'm also a dog.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Because South Africans and service, and it's a lot of
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: service providers, very patient.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: They'll hang on to that phone.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: But think about the dog. The poor egg's got four armpits.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: He's got a forehead and a mouth.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: But to get the most accurate samples. Where do you
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: get these questions?
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: You know why. Do you know?
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: No, man.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: This one was actually on a different level.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: And you know, if a doctor has a heart attack
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: during surgery, if you would have noticed, there's always two
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: doctors in the surgery for this very reason.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: Is this the same as pilot and co-pilot sort of?
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Exactly right. Yeah. There's always, because as the Navy SEALs say,
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: two is one, one is none.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: Always have a backup.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: One is none.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: One is none. Two is one. Now, Monday Maths, three
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: is what?
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: Leave us. Butt stuff. Let's dance. It's Oogle and Alternate.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: It's Oogle with Alternate on KFM Mornings, 8.30am. Okay, Justin
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: from Bishop Labours. How's it, Justin? Hi, good morning, Darren.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: How you doing? Morning. Good, good. All right, Justin.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: I'm well, I'm well, thank you.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Good, good. Justin, how many questions did I answer in
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: the census survey this morning? Eleven. Eleven is the correct answer.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Well done, sir.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, through to the championship rounds where you get to
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: spin the wheel of joy, you determine two factors.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: One, the direction. Two, the speed. I'm going to go
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: fast and right. Fast and right.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's whip that wheel around. What have we got?
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Hello?
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, hang on there. I'm just getting it. Oh, this
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: is good. This is good. What is it? This is
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: a prize of note. Jaz, what do you do for
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: a living? I'm a key account manager. A key account manager.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Now, how old are you?
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: 33.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: 33.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: The reason why I ask these questions, because sometimes people say,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: you know what, you should have two careers in your life.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You do your main and then later on you go,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: you know what, get to 50. Let me do something else. Okay.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: So look, this is what you have won.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: So this could either be for you or if you
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: want to pass this on to somebody you know. but
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: it must be used. This is an incredible opportunity. A
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: full scholarship for either plumbing or electrical studies to the
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: value of 80,000 Rand from New Gen Trade Schools. Oh, wow.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: Tell me about it. Tell me about it. New gen
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: trade schools.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: You can go from start to finish, become a qualified
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: plumber or electrician. These are recession proof jobs. These are
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: AI modern world proof jobs. It's funny that we look
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: back at the trades and we go, this is the
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: future of safety in the workplace. So is this something
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: that you would use or something that you would know?
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: There's somebody that's... maybe sitting at home, unemployed, need something,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: get them into a school and get a trade behind them.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Would this apply to you in your situation, Josh?
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I would probably give it to someone that's in need
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: of it. Because it is such a big prize.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: We would really love this to go to the right
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: person because this could change someone's life.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Look, if it's going to be too much of a
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: bolt on for you, I can offer you a secondary prize,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: which is tickets to anything that we do.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: And what do we have?
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: We've got tickets to The Stormers.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Stormers v Ulster. Tickets to Sean Paul. Tickets to Bodyguard Musical.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Tickets to Tyler. Tickets to Jill Scott.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: Jill Scott cancelled.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Not coming anymore.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: When did that happen? When I was away? I know. Heartbreaking.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Okay. Tickets to... The Bodyguard. Black Coffee. What do you want?
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: It's your decision.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, look. Stormers.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Go Stormers.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Stormers v Ulster. That's happening this weekend. Okay, we'll give
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: you four tickets. We'll give you a lovely experience.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: All right, Jess. Have a great time. Okay, bud.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Hello.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Lost his line. Justin, you there?
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: He's already shouting for the Stormers.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: I think we lost signal there. All right, no worries.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: But look, we'll put that New Gen Trade Schools prize
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: back on.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: It'll find its person.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I really want this to go to somebody... who really
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: wants it. Perhaps there's a matriculant writing right now and
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: they're not.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: Sure what to do with their lives next year. This
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: could be that opportunity for you. Yeah.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's back on the wheel and upper grabs
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: next week again. That was the Senseless Server. It's time
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: for your news and sports.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: KFM Mornings with Darren Sherland, Sibs and Ian.