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Unsolicited Advice · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the good morning from the chicken coop, podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and master mindset.
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  Coach filled with inspiration, distinctions, perspectives and
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  possibilities. We help you to cultivate a
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  mindset that leads you to create the best version of yourself.
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  You could ever imagine join Kim. Every morning from one of her.
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  Favorite happy places her chicken coop, along with all her
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  chickens. Hey everybody.
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  Good morning from the chicken coop.
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  Today I would like to talk to you about unsolicited advice
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  boy. This is a Sticky Wicket of a
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  subject today because I have had a couple of clients recently who
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  have gone through some very interesting things in their
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  lives and they have gotten a lot of unsolicited advice from those
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  around us. You know.
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  And one of them should have been a happy thing.
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  She was pregnant and boy. Oh boy.
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  Just stop and pause. If you're if you're listening to
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  this you're a woman listening to this and you have been pregnant.
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  You all understand the Paradox of unsolicited advice.
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  If you're pregnant because it comes at you full force and it
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  is never something that is appreciated.
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  Let me just say that having been a person who has gone through
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  that. I never appreciated unsolicited
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  advice and I think it's becoming more and more comfortable in
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  this world that people feel the need to give unsolicited advice.
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  So Today, I want to talk to you about being the person on the
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  receiving end of it, as well as being the person who doesn't
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  consciously know they're doing it.
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  Now as a coach, this is something that I have to pay
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  really close attention to because I don't want to be
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  giving people unsolicited advice, it is not something that
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  I like to do. It's not something that I
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  consciously do. And I am very careful with
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  myself to be very very, very strict about what I share.
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  And how I share it. And to just say, hey, you know,
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  I'm especially if I'm friends with somebody and I coach them
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  boy, that's always a lesson over the years of doing this, after
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  doing this for so many years. You know, I have learned that I
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  will say to people. Well, are you asking me a
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  coaching question or are you asking me as your friend because
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  there are two different answers? You know, you can come to me as
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  a friend and you can complain about something going on in your
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  life and I will be Right there with you and be like, oh I
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  totally understand Bubba. Bubba, Bubba, Bubba.
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  If you come to me and say, Hey, I want to have coaching advice
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  on something. I'm not going to just sit there
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  and take it the same way that I would as a friend because
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  friends just need to complain some time and that's totally
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  okay and as a coach that's not the direction I would take it.
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  So I'm very cautious of this and this subject really just was a
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  hot button for this one particular client that I'm
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  thinking of having a baby be and everybody giving her opinions on
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  certain things that just hot-button issues like
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  breastfeeding and everybody taking an opinion on it and holy
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  cow. Let me tell you it.
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  Brought this girl like, what is going on.
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  Why are people so vicious about this?
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  Why are people so intent on this?
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  And I watched it really make it difficult for her to enjoy a
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  part of her experience with her baby that was completely, not
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  fair. And I, I see this across the
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  board in many many areas leadership and companies is one
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  of them when someone starts to give leadership advice on
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  something another thing that's like, oh my gosh, who were you
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  even ask the question and why are you bringing it up?
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  It becomes a barrier to seeing what's really going on.
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  It becomes a barrier to success when you start giving
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  unsolicited. Because the person on the
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  receiving end of it, technically didn't ask you.
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  So technically they don't have to pay attention to you, then
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  you're sitting there, no doubt picking up that they're not
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  paying attention to you feeling like they're not listening.
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  So you change your strategy and try to push harder, which makes
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  them like you even less. So, from a leadership position,
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  you now, just look foolish. And that's not a good thing to
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  do. Then you go down the other Road
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  of saying, okay, I've now I've got Got, you know, this person
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  who's going to go out and talk about me.
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  So if you're in business and you've done this to one person
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  that person will talk about you behind the scenes to other
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  people within your company, out of your company and it's not
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  going to make you look like you're a balanced leader because
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  you gave unsolicited advice. Always asking permission is the
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  key. So in coaching, there's a rule
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  that when you enter into the coaching relationship with your
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  client, you always ask, do I have your permission?
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  To coach you do I have your permission to call you out?
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  Do I have your permission to put you in a position where you are
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  going to listen? And say the things that might be
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  uncomfortable and the person says yes.
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  And then before you or if they say no, you don't work with
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  them. But if you, if they say yes,
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  then when you have to say things to them, you can say in a way.
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  Say remember that time when I at told you I was going to have to
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  do this at some point in time and you agreed?
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  Yes. Okay.
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  Now is that moment where I'm going to give that to you.
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  So from the end of you Giving things out in the world.
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  It is always best to ask permission first and even if
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  it's your spouse, even if it's your children to say, would you
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  like to listen to a different opinion?
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  Would you like to hear what I have to say in this moment?
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  Are you open to hearing what I have to say at this moment?
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  Because the words fall on deaf ears, it doesn't matter, all it
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  does is frustrate, you frustrate them.
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  And what's the point? You're not going to get anywhere
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  with it. And if you do have a chance to
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  influence them, Moment you get permission is where the doors
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  open because then they're they're hearing you instead of
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  putting up a block. It's kind of like that saying of
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  someone says, well you're not really listening to me.
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  You're just formulating your answer already.
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  That's what we're talking about in this kind of thing because
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  someone's already bringing up their defense and saying.
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  How am I going to defend myself against this?
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  So it's super important to take that very seriously.
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  Now from the point of you getting unsolicited advice, this
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  is always unique because I I used to get very, very upset and
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  my family, there was always lots of unsolicited advice from my
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  aunts, my mother sisters were always around and I always had
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  lots of unsolicited advice when I was younger and I didn't like
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  it and I didn't certainly didn't like it when my mother would
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  just Ram it down my throat and especially from a creative
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  aspect when I got older and I was doing more art and doing
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  more creative things in my life, people would constantly come up
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  and give their opinion and I couldn't stand it.
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  Actually kept me out of going to a deeper level of art school
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  because I didn't like it. Now know how to now, I look at
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  the back and I say, wow, that drove me to what I'm doing right
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  now, which makes me more thrilled than anything.
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  So did it all work out? Yes.
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  But the point is that how that unsolicited advice Comes at you
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  and how you handle it says more about you than it does about
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  them. So the best advice that I can
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  give you from, this is the words of Wayne Dyer, when I heard him
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  speak in Boston, once he said when someone tells you something
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  and they give you the advice of they give you unsolicited stuff
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  and you don't want, all you have to say to them is, thank you for
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  sharing and you say nothing else and you let them sit with it and
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  that's such a simple strategy. But it's so brilliant.
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  And it works when someone says Just go.
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  Thanks for sharing. I appreciate that.
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  Thank you, thank you. And you just sit there and thank
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  them for what they have to say. You don't say, you'll take it.
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  You don't say, you'll use it. You don't say anything.
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  You just focus on saying, thank you for sharing and that's it.
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  It diffuses the entire situation and makes life so much easier.
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  So, moving forward. Try these strategies for
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  yourself. Realizing what you're pushing on
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  people as well as what you are allowing yourself.
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  Self to take in from other people and I promise you life
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  will get infinitely better with this.
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  Alright guys have a blessed day and I will see you tomorrow.
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  Bye.