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Andy Stanley - The Blueprint to Happiness · Andy Stanley Sermons

0:05
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast Reverb, a conversation
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Speaker 1: that digs deeper into this month's podcast topic, all designed
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Speaker 4: And now let's jump into today's content.
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Speaker 1: This month, we're talking about our conversation last week with
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Speaker 1: Arthur Books on the topic of becoming a happier leader. Andy,
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Speaker 1: I always enjoy any thing with Arthur Brooks, and this
2:01
Speaker 1: latest book on happiness was no exception. In it, he
2:05
Speaker 1: talks about the micro nutrients of happiness, our enjoyment, satisfaction,
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Speaker 1: and purpose, all of which requires sacrifice. In some ways,
2:14
Speaker 1: that seems counterintuitive because what we're trying to avoid in
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Speaker 1: trying to find happiness is sacrificing anything, But actually it's not.
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Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on that?
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Speaker 4: The whole conversation and the whole book is so counterintuitive.
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Speaker 3: It's like a giant paradox. You know, we're on the surface.
2:29
Speaker 3: It's like, wait a minute, what again. It's one of
2:31
Speaker 3: those things you think about it and go, yeah. Of course,
2:33
Speaker 3: in the middle of difficult times, hard times, things that
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Speaker 3: create unhappiness or negative feelings, we think, well, these are
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Speaker 3: the very things I'm trying to avoid. And he makes
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Speaker 3: the point, you know, those are the very things that
2:43
Speaker 3: lead to happier. And he makes this distinction between happy
2:48
Speaker 3: and happier that the goal isn't happy, because what even
2:51
Speaker 3: is that? Right?
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Speaker 4: The goal is happier. Wherever you are now, there's a
2:53
Speaker 4: way to be happier.
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Speaker 1: So yeah, he even said in the book, Oprah calls
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Speaker 1: it happierness.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, happierness. Yeah, So happierness are happier is all about
3:02
Speaker 3: being honest with the negative feelings we have that are
3:05
Speaker 3: based on negative circumstances, whether it's something that happened at
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Speaker 3: work in a minute or something that means, oh no,
3:09
Speaker 3: I've got to look for a job, or I'll know,
3:11
Speaker 3: I've got to look for a doctor, you know, whatever
3:12
Speaker 3: it might be, and learning or creating the discipline of
3:16
Speaker 3: stepping back from our emotions and gaining just enough objectivity
3:22
Speaker 3: to where we can bring a thought process to our
3:24
Speaker 3: emotions rather than being controlled my emotions. Because as long
3:27
Speaker 3: as we're controlled by our emotions, this point is, we're
3:29
Speaker 3: going to be unhappy, because negative emotions trigger a sense
3:32
Speaker 3: of unhappiness. And for me, one of the big takeaways
3:36
Speaker 3: in the book, and then he explored this a little
3:37
Speaker 3: bit in our conversation, was the whole idea of sort
3:41
Speaker 3: of asking the question, what would I tell someone else
3:45
Speaker 3: if this had happened to them, Because immediately it brings
3:49
Speaker 3: the entire event again, whether it's something that happened at
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Speaker 3: work or something that represents a life change, something that
3:55
Speaker 3: happened to a child or flunked out of.
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Speaker 4: School, whatever it might be.
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Speaker 3: Suddenly it takes me out of the emotional context of
4:02
Speaker 3: what happened into the more objective context of what would
4:07
Speaker 3: I say to someone, What would I tell them, how
4:08
Speaker 3: would I encourage them, what would I suggest they do next?
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Speaker 4: And just that.
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Speaker 3: Exercise, which is not intuitive, it is so helpful, and
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Speaker 3: I think everybody listening to some extent has done that
4:20
Speaker 3: at some level. We've certainly all given other people advice
4:23
Speaker 3: when they've had a terrible time. And for those of
4:25
Speaker 3: us as parents, when you're twelve year old or thirteen
4:28
Speaker 3: year old comes to you with some event, that's the end.
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Speaker 4: Of the world. You know their life is over.
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Speaker 3: They can't ever go I can't ever go back to school,
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Speaker 3: I can't write. As adults, we're kind of like, what,
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Speaker 3: You're fine, right, because we have so much objectivity, and
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Speaker 3: we have distance, and we're not having to navigate their
4:43
Speaker 3: feelings because those aren't our feelings.
4:45
Speaker 4: That sense of separation.
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Speaker 3: Again, he says that is the path forward in terms
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Speaker 3: of finding the objectivity we need not just to respond
4:54
Speaker 3: correctly to a negative event. But ultimately this leads to
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Speaker 3: happy err because in the moment we are not happy.
5:03
Speaker 3: But then he makes the point in the book and
5:04
Speaker 3: in the discussion that this discipline is how anyone can
5:08
Speaker 3: become happier. And as we've talked about before, you know
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Speaker 3: happy happy as a result, happy is not a target.
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Speaker 3: And the person who just decides I'm going to chase happiness,
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Speaker 3: that's it's kind of.
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Speaker 4: A doom loop.
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Speaker 2: They're not going to find it.
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Speaker 3: No, Well, you're chasing your tail, you're chasing the wind.
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Speaker 3: You're going to go from experience to experience, person to person,
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Speaker 3: because happiness is tied to purpose, and purpose has everything
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Speaker 3: to do with how we respond oftentimes to negative event.
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Speaker 3: It's not intuitive, but it's so powerful and it's so true.
5:36
Speaker 3: And you know, for our podcast listeners, whether it's you know,
5:39
Speaker 3: the marketplace, there's always negative stuff. There are always problems
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Speaker 3: to solve. The problems never go away, I mean, there's
5:44
Speaker 3: as long as there's people. And again, whether the problems
5:48
Speaker 3: are are the result of downturn in the market or
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Speaker 3: the product sales or whatever you're doing, or you know,
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Speaker 3: with success comes challenges as well. Without this discipline, we
5:59
Speaker 3: can become a victim of our own emotions. And even
6:01
Speaker 3: if we like or love what we do, it's easy
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Speaker 3: to not love our life or love the person in
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Speaker 3: the mirror. So this discipline, this meta cognition he talks
6:10
Speaker 3: about thinking about thinking, that's what that actually means is
6:14
Speaker 3: so important.
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Speaker 4: So anyway, well, and especially in.
6:17
Speaker 1: The workplace, I mean, not only does you know it
6:20
Speaker 1: help you reflect on Okay, what's really happening.
6:23
Speaker 2: What advice would I give?
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Speaker 1: But it also in the workplace prevents you from saying
6:26
Speaker 1: something stupid decide right right, Yeah, I mean it really
6:29
Speaker 1: prevents you from from less to hr That's exactly it.
6:32
Speaker 1: And I think you know Arthur was making that point
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Speaker 1: of it allows you to create distance before you respond
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Speaker 1: to the person in front of you, so that you
6:42
Speaker 1: can go, wait if I say that, if I say
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Speaker 1: what's actually in my head, things are not going to
6:46
Speaker 1: go well for me, even if I'm right, even yeah,
6:48
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Yeah, you know, there's certain contexts that
6:51
Speaker 1: you have to control, but metacognition gives you those tools
6:55
Speaker 1: to do that. I mean, it's super important at home,
6:57
Speaker 1: but it's also super important in the workplace. So one
7:01
Speaker 1: of the other things I thought was interesting from the book.
7:04
Speaker 1: We didn't talk about it with Arthur in our podcast interview,
7:07
Speaker 1: but there's actually a quiz that helps us uncover our
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Speaker 1: unique mix of happiness and unhappiness, and he says it's
7:15
Speaker 1: important to know your starting point, like you need to
7:18
Speaker 1: know what your natural bend is, because for people with
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Speaker 1: different bends, every quadrant that he identifies has a positive
7:24
Speaker 1: and a negative. And knowing what your natural bend is
7:26
Speaker 1: going to help you in applying these metacognition principles and
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Speaker 1: the four quadrants he identifies is a cheerleader, a mad scientist.
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Speaker 2: A judge, and a poet. And did you take the
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Speaker 2: quiz and what did you get?
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Speaker 3: Well? I wanted to be the mad scientist because that
7:43
Speaker 3: sounded like the most interesting one. And I think I
7:45
Speaker 3: took the quiz wrong, Susie and said, don't laugh because
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Speaker 3: I scored as a cheerleader, and no one around here
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Speaker 3: considers me a cheerleader, and.
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Speaker 4: You scored as a cheerleader. I did, and we.
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Speaker 3: Could not be more different in some ways. That's why
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Speaker 3: we get along and work work well together. So I think,
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Speaker 3: actually reading the descriptions of these four after I took
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Speaker 3: the test incorrectly is maybe judge because I definitely don't
8:14
Speaker 3: avoid bad news. In fact, I tend to gravitate toward
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Speaker 3: bad news because I think, Oh, there's the problem, I'm
8:18
Speaker 3: going to go fix it.
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Speaker 4: That's why the mad scientist thing appealed to me.
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Speaker 3: But yet I think I came out as a judge
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Speaker 3: and to the point of the book and the point
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Speaker 3: of the discussion, knowing what quadrant we're in allows us
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Speaker 3: to evaluate our feelings and find the path forward to
8:35
Speaker 3: distancing ourselves from those negative emotions, gaining objectivity, and moving forward.
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Speaker 3: So it really is a helpful exercise, even though I
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Speaker 3: didn't score myself correctly.
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Speaker 2: Well, and I do think tell us what.
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Speaker 4: It's like to be a cheerleader.
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Speaker 1: Well, when I met you, you were a cheerleader in
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Speaker 1: high school.
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Speaker 2: It's very true.
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Speaker 1: Well, no, my husband says, I'm not the glasses half full.
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Speaker 1: He says that the glasses overflow because it's.
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Speaker 2: Like it's all gonna be fine, it's all gonna be great.
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Speaker 1: But a blind spot as a cheerleader is during life's
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Speaker 1: gloomier times, I tend to try to be like, hey,
9:10
Speaker 1: let's just figure this out. It's gonna be fine. Both
9:13
Speaker 1: these options are great, let's move forward.
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Speaker 2: You know, I tend to.
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Speaker 1: Probably gloss over, especially how people are feeling. I know
9:20
Speaker 1: I probably do this at work, but I definitely do
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Speaker 1: this at home And had to really realize, for you know,
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Speaker 1: my kids that are not this you know, personality type
9:28
Speaker 1: or not in this quadrant to go, I need to
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Speaker 1: slow down during gloomier times and not try to immediately
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Speaker 1: fix it.
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Speaker 4: And how does that relate to happier.
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Speaker 1: For you, well, for me, the happier slowing down, because
9:42
Speaker 1: for me it's easier just to be like, hey, we're good,
9:43
Speaker 1: we're gone, let's everything's fine, let's move. But it actually
9:47
Speaker 1: is better relationally for the family and at work for
9:51
Speaker 1: me to slow down, because then everybody gets on the
9:53
Speaker 1: same playing field, and ultimately it makes us move forward
9:57
Speaker 1: together versus me be like, come on.
9:59
Speaker 2: Let's go.
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Speaker 3: And so if I can just unpack your situation for
10:04
Speaker 3: a minute, because it's easier than unpacking mine and comfortable,
10:07
Speaker 3: So what happens isn't to the point of the book,
10:09
Speaker 3: Then why this is such an important topic. If you
10:13
Speaker 3: don't distance yourself from your everything's fine, everything's fine, the
10:17
Speaker 3: sun is always shining. If you don't recognize those feelings
10:21
Speaker 3: even though they're good feelings and.
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Speaker 4: Get objectivity, it results.
10:27
Speaker 3: In insensitivity to the people in your family who aren't
10:29
Speaker 3: wired there way, or the people at work who aren't
10:31
Speaker 3: wired that way, and things don't go well, and so
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Speaker 3: you're not going to be happier because somehow your sunshine
10:40
Speaker 3: isn't moving things forward, because sunshine alone doesn't do it.
10:44
Speaker 3: As the judge, where I want to go in and
10:46
Speaker 3: make everything right. And I want to fix everything, and
10:49
Speaker 3: I want to fix everything immediately, and not everything can
10:51
Speaker 3: be fixed, and most things can't be fixed immediately, and
10:54
Speaker 3: that frustrates me because I want it to work right now,
10:57
Speaker 3: even at home. If the internet isn't working here, what
11:00
Speaker 3: else is going on? I'm going to stop and work
11:01
Speaker 3: on it right all night, right, because I mean, Santra
11:04
Speaker 3: would tell you Andy wants things to work, and he
11:06
Speaker 3: wants them to work. Now when something doesn't work, I
11:08
Speaker 3: just stop. I just I have to go make it work. Well,
11:12
Speaker 3: you know, that's a positive in a way. But when
11:15
Speaker 3: I catch myself being that way, separate myself from that
11:21
Speaker 3: that false sense of urgency where I've made something a
11:24
Speaker 3: bigger deal than it actually is, then I'm happier and
11:28
Speaker 3: I'm responding better to the people around me. So again
11:30
Speaker 3: it's that discipline of pulling back and realizing that's my tendency.
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Speaker 4: You have a tendency.
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Speaker 3: And then he talks about these other two and again
11:38
Speaker 3: it's so powerful because we all know people who are
11:40
Speaker 3: just stuck in their emotions and we wonder why, you know,
11:44
Speaker 3: why are you so stuck in your emotions? They tell
11:45
Speaker 3: us a story and their emotions are one justified, but
11:48
Speaker 3: they're still stuck.
11:49
Speaker 2: They're still stuck.
11:50
Speaker 3: And then there are other people who have worse things
11:52
Speaker 3: happen to them, and somehow they're able to gain objectivity,
11:56
Speaker 3: leverage the negative for something.
11:57
Speaker 4: Possitive, forward and move forward.
11:59
Speaker 3: And what this book is about that way, we don't
12:01
Speaker 3: stay stuck because bad things are going to happen. In
12:05
Speaker 3: the podcast, because he teaches graduate students at Harvard, he
12:09
Speaker 3: reminds all of them, Hey, the worst thing that's going
12:11
Speaker 3: to happen to you hasn't happened yet. If you think
12:13
Speaker 3: what's going on right now is bad, the worst way,
12:16
Speaker 3: this way, the worst thing's coming, he says, So you
12:18
Speaker 3: got to probably got to exercise this muscle, this this
12:21
Speaker 3: objectivity muscle, so when something else happens it's worse, you
12:25
Speaker 3: know how to step back, gain objectivity, leverage it, and
12:29
Speaker 3: move forward. So it's an important discipline.
12:32
Speaker 2: For sure, all right, changing gears.
12:34
Speaker 1: Once we recognize the macro ingredients to becoming a happier
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Speaker 1: personal leader and our natural bend, we're ready to discover
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Speaker 1: the four pillars of happiness, which Arthur identifies as family, friendship, work,
12:47
Speaker 1: and faith.
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Speaker 2: YEP what stands out to you among those four.
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Speaker 3: Well, and I confess this on in my discussion with him,
12:52
Speaker 3: that I have more what he calls deal friends than
12:55
Speaker 3: real friends.
12:56
Speaker 4: That was very convicting to me.
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Speaker 3: It wasn't a new revelation because Sandra and I talk
13:00
Speaker 3: about this. She's like, you need some friends. I'm like
13:01
Speaker 3: a friends. She is, No, you have people you work with,
13:04
Speaker 3: we're friends. But I know better because I tell people, no,
13:07
Speaker 3: you're friendly, but friends. You know, if somebody needs you,
13:11
Speaker 3: there's not equity in the relationship. No matter how well
13:14
Speaker 3: you get along, there's an inequity. And with friendship, nobody's
13:17
Speaker 3: leveraging the other person. That's a deal friend.
13:20
Speaker 4: So that that was convicting to me.
13:23
Speaker 3: But at the same time, when I'm with my friends,
13:27
Speaker 3: there is a replenishing thing that happens that everybody with
13:30
Speaker 3: true friends understands. You can sit for hours, talk for hours,
13:33
Speaker 3: nobody's rushed, you can be wide open. There's no fear,
13:38
Speaker 3: there's nothing to gain, there's nothing to lose, and it
13:40
Speaker 3: is so replenishing. And to the point of this book
13:44
Speaker 3: and this discipline he talks about, I have experienced once
13:48
Speaker 3: he kind of gave us language that it is easier
13:53
Speaker 3: sometimes in a conversation with a friend to gain objectivity
13:57
Speaker 3: around my own emotions than either in my own head
14:01
Speaker 3: trying to do it or even with people who want
14:05
Speaker 3: something or need something from me, because I'm always a
14:07
Speaker 3: little bit on my guard.
14:08
Speaker 4: But it's it's a friend that can say, hey, Andy,
14:11
Speaker 4: you just need to get over that.
14:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not worried about that.
14:13
Speaker 4: Hey, Andy, so tell me why that's a big deal. Really?
14:16
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, those kinds of people, you know, true
14:20
Speaker 3: friends can draw us out because it's safe and again
14:24
Speaker 3: it sets us up to be happier, to learn from
14:27
Speaker 3: the negative and move forward.
14:29
Speaker 4: So that for me, So, what about you? Of the
14:31
Speaker 4: four pillars, which one, well.
14:33
Speaker 2: I would I definitely will say.
14:35
Speaker 1: On New Year's Eve, I actually read my family part
14:40
Speaker 1: of his chapter on family.
14:42
Speaker 4: Out loud, out loud to your family, to my family. Wow.
14:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I would say that's probably helpful because I've
14:49
Speaker 1: got two.
14:49
Speaker 4: Were they happier after that.
14:51
Speaker 2: Or like, certainly happier?
14:52
Speaker 4: They weren't.
14:54
Speaker 2: I was happier now, I know, really it was.
14:56
Speaker 1: It's so super helpful because I've got two young adults
15:00
Speaker 1: and two high school age kids, and I loved what
15:04
Speaker 1: Arthur said that conflict is the cost of abundant love.
15:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, say that again.
15:09
Speaker 1: That's that's conflict is the cost of abundant love.
15:14
Speaker 4: Wow.
15:14
Speaker 2: And we've got a lot of.
15:17
Speaker 1: Kids going in different directions, are very different personality types.
15:20
Speaker 1: And sometimes I just want, because I'm a cheerleader, I
15:25
Speaker 1: just want can't we just all get along? Like, can't
15:28
Speaker 1: you just honor her in this? Can't you just but
15:30
Speaker 1: the idea that the cost of abundant love, the cost
15:33
Speaker 1: of loving each other uniquely, is going to be conflict,
15:37
Speaker 1: And then he unpacks that chapter on how do you
15:39
Speaker 1: manage that conflict?
15:41
Speaker 2: So so so super helpful.
15:43
Speaker 1: He said, In fact, in one point, siblings can fail
15:45
Speaker 1: to support each other in any number of ways. And
15:49
Speaker 1: I almost think that gave the four kids a chance
15:52
Speaker 1: to go.
15:54
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is normal.
15:55
Speaker 2: This is normal.
15:56
Speaker 4: But we can but we can get that right, and
15:58
Speaker 4: it's not the end of the world. This is normal.
15:59
Speaker 4: How to build and go forward? That is yeah. Wow.
16:03
Speaker 1: So that's why I read it, not just because I
16:05
Speaker 1: was trying to tell them to do something, but just
16:06
Speaker 1: of like, hey, this is normal.
16:08
Speaker 3: There's ways forward, and if we respond, that's right, right way.
16:11
Speaker 2: If we respond and not just ignore it.
16:13
Speaker 1: So I thought that in particular, in the season of
16:16
Speaker 1: life I'm in, I found that extraordinarily helpful. But zering
16:21
Speaker 1: in on work because I mean, this is a leadership podcast.
16:25
Speaker 2: I loved what Arthur.
16:26
Speaker 1: Said in the book that engaging in work with your
16:30
Speaker 1: whole heart is one of the best ways to enjoy
16:32
Speaker 1: your days, get satisfaction from your accomplishments, and see meaning
16:37
Speaker 1: in your effort. He says, work at its best is
16:41
Speaker 1: love made visible. And for me, because I use the
16:44
Speaker 1: word love a lot in my regular speech, it spoke
16:47
Speaker 1: really deeply to me. The idea that work at its
16:49
Speaker 1: best is love made visible.
16:51
Speaker 2: How did it hit you?
16:52
Speaker 3: Well, I certainly didn't have that terminology, but I think
16:55
Speaker 3: anybody who has meaningful work or does meaningful work gets
16:59
Speaker 3: that immediately, love made visible. And I'm fortunate because except
17:02
Speaker 3: for my first job now cleaning the meat department after
17:05
Speaker 3: hours at a grocery store. Except for that one so fun.
17:11
Speaker 3: Except for that one, I've always enjoyed my jobs. And
17:13
Speaker 3: there were enjoyable parts of that but I don't remember
17:15
Speaker 3: them because they were so few and far between. But
17:19
Speaker 3: the point being, because I other than that job, I
17:22
Speaker 3: have had great jobs, even in college where it really
17:25
Speaker 3: was easy to engage with my whole heart. But I've
17:28
Speaker 3: learned too much of a good thing can make it
17:29
Speaker 3: a bad thing. Right, So the win is to enjoy
17:32
Speaker 3: going to work, and we've talked about this in the
17:35
Speaker 3: podcast before. To enjoy going to work and then to
17:38
Speaker 3: enjoy or to look forward to going back home and
17:40
Speaker 3: then getting up the next day and look forward to
17:42
Speaker 3: enjoy going to work and then look forward to coming
17:44
Speaker 3: back home. Yep, that rhythm fuels happiness for me. Joy
17:50
Speaker 3: for me, and so for the person that's stuck in
17:52
Speaker 3: a job they hate or they don't look forward to
17:54
Speaker 3: going home because there's so much chaos at home, that
17:57
Speaker 3: to me just sounds like the formula for misery. Again,
18:00
Speaker 3: self perpetuating problem. I'm going to stay longer at work
18:03
Speaker 3: so I enjoy work, which creates more problems at home
18:05
Speaker 3: because I need to be home, but I don't want
18:06
Speaker 3: to go home because there's so much cass. I'll stay
18:08
Speaker 3: at work and enjoy anyway, and round and round we go.
18:11
Speaker 3: So I've been very more.
18:12
Speaker 2: Words at work are so much more visible.
18:13
Speaker 3: Sometimes they're immediate, and they're visible, and there's dollars and
18:17
Speaker 3: you know, miserable every and especially when you're the boss.
18:20
Speaker 3: Everybody thinks your jokes are funny and you're just the
18:22
Speaker 3: greatest person. So there's a false sense of importance and
18:26
Speaker 3: a false sense sometimes of success. So I've always had
18:30
Speaker 3: meaningful work except for the one job, and I enjoy
18:33
Speaker 3: going home. And I think anybody listening to try to
18:37
Speaker 3: find that rhythm. And if that means doing a little
18:40
Speaker 3: extra work at home, you know, with the dynamics at home,
18:43
Speaker 3: you got to do it. If it means finding something
18:45
Speaker 3: else to do with your career, sometimes that's part of
18:48
Speaker 3: it as well. But anyway, that was what came to
18:50
Speaker 3: mind when when I saw that section of the book. So,
18:52
Speaker 3: and of course I've written a whole book on this
18:54
Speaker 3: when work in family collide, because working family oftentimes collide.
18:58
Speaker 3: But there is a way to find a rhythm, and
19:01
Speaker 3: it's worth working toward. And again to the point of
19:03
Speaker 3: the book for the person listening who says, well, I
19:05
Speaker 3: don't have that rhythm and it's just mostly collide and
19:09
Speaker 3: I don't enjoy going home, or maybe I don't enjoy
19:12
Speaker 3: going to work, but that creates problems at home. Then
19:16
Speaker 3: that is at tension, and that is the kinds of
19:20
Speaker 3: thing that Arthur talks about that can be leveraged if
19:24
Speaker 3: we can step back, not be absorbed by and controlled
19:27
Speaker 3: by those negative emotions, to find the way forward. So again,
19:31
Speaker 3: this formula works in any context.
19:34
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's so true.
19:36
Speaker 1: And I feel like in my own life, I was
19:38
Speaker 1: in telecom as you know, for a decade before I
19:41
Speaker 1: came here, and the reason I was like, hey, this
19:44
Speaker 1: is not going to work for my life is I
19:46
Speaker 1: never ever ever saw my kids, like never. I mean
19:50
Speaker 1: I was in a role that I would probably get
19:52
Speaker 1: home and they were up thirty minutes and they would
19:54
Speaker 1: be in bed, and I'd leave at five am the
19:55
Speaker 1: next morning and do it all again and realizing, hey,
19:59
Speaker 1: there's a but there's a conflict and the picture that
20:02
Speaker 1: I want from my family, I'm not going to get
20:05
Speaker 1: there with this type of environment. And I liked it generally,
20:09
Speaker 1: but it wasn't meaningful. And so that's when I made
20:13
Speaker 1: the switch twenty years ago. So I feel like it's
20:16
Speaker 1: so true that figuring out how do you find that
20:20
Speaker 1: balance where you get so much meaning going to work,
20:23
Speaker 1: but then you're excited to go home because you've invested
20:25
Speaker 1: in the relationships and they're strong.
20:27
Speaker 3: So and again you just illustrated part of what Arthur's
20:31
Speaker 3: talking about. Because that negative experience with work and the
20:36
Speaker 3: overbearing schedule and the people associated with that schedule, that
20:41
Speaker 3: was negative, negative, negative, But you were able to leverage
20:46
Speaker 3: that negative experience to create something positive. That's what healthy
20:49
Speaker 3: people do, and that's apparently possible in any experience or
20:53
Speaker 3: any negative experience if we have again the discipline to
20:55
Speaker 3: step back, step back, and not just be angry all
20:58
Speaker 3: the time. Because you could have just been angry all
20:59
Speaker 3: the time at work and got fired, right, I mean,
21:01
Speaker 3: you could have been so controlled by those negative emotions.
21:04
Speaker 3: But you were too smart for that. And I'm glad
21:06
Speaker 3: you left and came here.
21:08
Speaker 1: Me too, well, I feel I'm a better leader and
21:11
Speaker 1: overall human after engaging with this research and this idea
21:15
Speaker 1: of putting those practical language around, how do you step
21:19
Speaker 1: back and what are some practical ways to do it?
21:21
Speaker 1: How has it impacted you in terms of your practical
21:23
Speaker 1: day to day knowing these tools, Well.
21:25
Speaker 3: I think it confirms a lot of things that we
21:26
Speaker 3: talk about on the podcast all the time. But again,
21:29
Speaker 3: it offers us fresh language and insight and the bottom
21:32
Speaker 3: line and He says this in the book, that we
21:33
Speaker 3: can't change the world around us, but we can change
21:37
Speaker 3: ourself in response to the world around us. And as
21:40
Speaker 3: I mentioned on the podcast, when I teach this kind
21:43
Speaker 3: of thing, I talk about the fact that we all
21:45
Speaker 3: have a superpower, and the superpower is our respondability, that
21:49
Speaker 3: we do not have to react. And in reaction mode,
21:52
Speaker 3: I'm going to stay unhappy and get unhappier. In response mode,
21:55
Speaker 3: I realize, oh, I can separate myself from emotions enough
21:59
Speaker 3: to choose the best response or to what we talked
22:02
Speaker 3: about earlier, I can separate myself from my emotions enough
22:06
Speaker 3: to counsel myself to do what I would counsel my
22:09
Speaker 3: best friend to do if they were experiencing what I'm experiencing,
22:13
Speaker 3: and then respond accordingly. And if we leverage that superpower,
22:17
Speaker 3: then the negatives in life oftentimes make us better, make
22:20
Speaker 3: us stronger. And even if we can't completely escape circumstances
22:25
Speaker 3: or escape what's happening around us currently, we can at
22:28
Speaker 3: least find a path forward that hopefully will lead us
22:31
Speaker 3: to a better place. But again, at the end of
22:33
Speaker 3: the day, it's up to how well we lead. The
22:35
Speaker 3: person in the mirror as we talk about all the time.
22:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, because these principles and practices allow us to.
22:40
Speaker 2: Take agency over our own life. We're not victims, we don't.
22:43
Speaker 4: Have we're not l No, that's exactly right.
22:46
Speaker 3: And that's the difference between the person who is destroyed
22:49
Speaker 3: by the negative versus the person that leverages the negative.
22:52
Speaker 4: And it's just a story they tell sometime in the future.
22:54
Speaker 2: So true, so true.
22:56
Speaker 1: Well, that's all the time we have for this episode
22:58
Speaker 1: of Reverb.
22:58
Speaker 2: Andy thanks so much for deeper.
23:00
Speaker 1: Into the topic of becoming a happier leader and providing
23:04
Speaker 1: a few more insights, and to all of our listeners,
23:06
Speaker 1: we want to thank you for joining us. Be sure
23:08
Speaker 1: to visit Andy stanley dot com slash podcast, where you'll
23:11
Speaker 1: find more resources to help you go further faster