Latest / The Dr Louise Newson Podcast / 08 - Main Character Energy: How Fats Timbo transformed adversity into a self-worth manifesto
Transcript
- 0:03On my podcast today, I've got Fats Timbo, who is a creator,
- 0:06comedian and author. She has a chondroplasia and it's
- 0:10affected her in many ways, but she's turned it into something
- 0:13very positive. Her whole life actually is
- 0:16really positive. Her book is entitled Main
- 0:18Character Energy, and there's so much energy coming off her.
- 0:22We talk a lot about how to face challenges, how to be the best
- 0:26version of yourself. It's a great episode and so many
- 0:30things we can learn from. So very excited that you're here
- 0:33today. So Fats is a creator, a comedian
- 0:37and an author. Soon to be paperback, but this
- 0:41is, I couldn't put it down actually when I read it, but we
- 0:43will talk about it. But it's great that you're here
- 0:46and there's lots to talk about. I was really like when I was
- 0:51reading your book. I felt sad and happy.
- 0:54I felt negative and positive. I had loads of emotions going
- 0:57round and that's probably how you spent a lot of your life.
- 1:00Is that fair to say? Oh, yeah, and that's just how
- 1:03you described reading the book. That's literally how I feel
- 1:06everyday. Sometimes I can just, yeah, be
- 1:09sad about when I go outside, people looking at me.
- 1:12And then when I go to a space where I'm loved and cherished, I
- 1:15feel great. I feel happy.
- 1:17I embrace myself and I think sharing the highs and lows of my
- 1:23life was super important because I didn't want to sugarcoat
- 1:27anything. On social media, everyone shows
- 1:30the highlights of their life and the best side of themselves.
- 1:34And for me, I think I wanted to let my followers know that
- 1:40there's an, there's another side to me, there's a story behind
- 1:44me. There's a reason why I am
- 1:47resilient or there's a reason why I have a relatable humor is
- 1:51because I go through things and I, I shed humor about it, you
- 1:57know, and I also talk about advocacy as well.
- 2:01So I think it was important to highlight those things in my
- 2:05book and inspire others to to overcome their adversities.
- 2:10I think because everyone has got some sort of adversity, so
- 2:13everyone's got something that isn't liked by others, but often
- 2:17you can't see it. You know, when you've got a
- 2:21difference, whatever it is, people want to try and find
- 2:25fault in it rather than it being a superpower or something that
- 2:29even identifies you or makes you who you are.
- 2:32And I think it's, you know, it takes a long time for us to
- 2:35realise that. You've realised it a lot quicker
- 2:37than most of us, I think. But even, you know, when you
- 2:40were, when your mum was pregnant, like she was told
- 2:44something really awful, wasn't she?
- 2:45Yeah, she was told that at at six months precisely that I'd
- 2:51either have Down syndrome or dwarfism.
- 2:55Do I want, do you want to abort your baby?
- 2:59And at this point, my mom was devastated.
- 3:02She was upset, but she had already fallen in love with me.
- 3:06And she was quite fearless in the sense that whatever
- 3:12happened, whatever was what was going on with her, she was like,
- 3:16you know what? I'm going to see it through.
- 3:18And I'm not going to listen to the doctors.
- 3:21I'm going to love this baby no matter what, which I've always
- 3:26felt from her, no matter how angry she gets at me sometimes,
- 3:30she's always loved me like fully.
- 3:33And she loves all her children. She's got five kids.
- 3:36And you know, she's always said I, I, I wanted you like I wanted
- 3:41you. I didn't care what anyone said,
- 3:44I wanted you as my child so. She's so important and didn't
- 3:48she make the right decision? She knew I you know, you've got
- 3:52a chondroplasia, but it's not a disability that means that
- 3:57people have to terminate. Yes, that's the thing.
- 4:01And that's what's quite sad as well, because why?
- 4:07Why was it a thing to maybe terminate me because I have
- 4:12achondroplasia? It doesn't mean it's only my
- 4:16height that is affected in my. Body.
- 4:19Your brain. Doesn't at all.
- 4:22It doesn't affect my brain. Doesn't affect any, it just
- 4:24effects the instructions to say how, yeah, big I should grow.
- 4:28Yeah, basically. So, yeah, but it's not a reason
- 4:31to terminate the baby. So I think my mum had that same
- 4:34thought and she thought maybe as well if I do have Down syndrome,
- 4:39that's another reason. What?
- 4:40Like, OK, might have a few learning difficulties, but she
- 4:44might she, she said that, you know, she'd seen people with
- 4:48learning difficulties and they were fine.
- 4:49So. And and still very much loved as
- 4:53well. Yeah, exactly.
- 4:54I went to boarding school actually when I was 9, but one
- 4:57of the people in my house had a chondroplasia.
- 5:00But when we started, I, I was, we were all small, you know, we
- 5:04were 9. And so like was no big deal.
- 5:07Like she was the same height as us, you know what I mean?
- 5:09And what's really interesting in, you know, the boarding
- 5:10school, you're, you just live and breathe everything together.
- 5:13And we just grew at different rates, different pace and it was
- 5:17just not an issue. It wasn't an issue at all, you
- 5:19know, and then being medical, nothing's an issue because I've
- 5:22seen all sorts of conditions, all sorts of things.
- 5:24And it's interesting when suddenly you look externally and
- 5:28people say, well, what is a Condra place?
- 5:30What does it mean? And you know, when Charlie and
- 5:33the Chocolate Factory came out with, you know, the Oompa
- 5:36Loompas and people that, you know, then thinking actually
- 5:39they are completely normal people, like what's the big
- 5:42deal? And it's great actually, that,
- 5:45you know, people understand more and talking more.
- 5:47But there's still, I mean, I don't need to tell you.
- 5:50You still must get this. Oh, shall I talk down to her
- 5:52because she's smaller? Like what the hell like.
- 5:55Honestly, I get that a lot. A lot.
- 5:58And I, I, I think as well with the Charlie and the Chocolate
- 6:03Factory thing, I guess it was a positive to show that we are
- 6:07human. But at the same time, it wasn't
- 6:08negative totally for me because that's all people had reference
- 6:14to. And it was so annoying being
- 6:17born in a world where that's the only reference people have of
- 6:22your condition. So I was always being, I was
- 6:25always mocked. I was always really made fun out
- 6:27of. Yeah, because of the movie.
- 6:30Yeah. Yeah.
- 6:31So people would refer me as an umpul.
- 6:33Oh my gosh, no, I hadn't thought about that.
- 6:35That I was just thinking like, people can see that there's
- 6:38actors that are really good. People spinning negative and
- 6:42it's yeah, frustrating and exhausting basically sometimes.
- 6:47So as a child, because it's I have no control in that.
- 6:51No, I can't. That's something that you saw on
- 6:54TV and that's put out there and you're referring to me as that
- 6:59so. Yeah, that's like saying, you
- 7:02know, I've got brown hair. Therefore everyone with brown
- 7:05hair has a certain way of talking or thinking.
- 7:07Like it's just. Rubbish.
- 7:08Just it's like, absolutely, but that's why social media, the
- 7:13work that you're doing, empowering people, normalising
- 7:17something that is actually a normal variant, which is what a
- 7:20contraplasia in my mind is. It is a variant of something
- 7:23that you know, it's, it's not a big, I'm not putting you down,
- 7:26but it's not a big deal. The biggest deal is that you've
- 7:29had the most incredible life. Your parents, like I would love
- 7:32to meet them the way that your mum just explained when she like
- 7:35cooked a meal for your dad. My my parents are the best like
- 7:39my dad. He whenever he goes to an event,
- 7:44he has to be the most Nazziest person.
- 7:48He has to. He's like, yeah, like I look
- 7:50good. I know he's that.
- 7:53He's that kind of person. You you'll tell him he looks
- 7:55good and he'll be like, yeah, I know because that's what that's
- 7:58my aim. But I like that confidence.
- 8:00And that's the kind of confidence I I think I've got
- 8:03from him because, you know, he doesn't, he doesn't care to like
- 8:10not stand out. He wants to stand out.
- 8:12He wants to. It's a.
- 8:13Great way to be. Though, you know, he's, he's not
- 8:15afraid to, to be standing out and be that person that people
- 8:21talk to about things, you know, like be an award manager.
- 8:25People rely on you. People want your opinions like
- 8:29they, they respect your decisions.
- 8:32You know, every time he comes over because he works abroad,
- 8:36he's like, this needs to be done.
- 8:38This needs to be done. I'm like, oh, dad, you know,
- 8:41you've got high expectations. So that's kind of how I've lived
- 8:45my life in a way, having high expectations of myself, seeing
- 8:49things through, pushing through. And when something negative
- 8:53would happen and like I'd get upset about the comment or, you
- 8:57know, he'd he'd say, look at you, you are a superstar.
- 9:00You know, you'd always tell me that it's like no one can take
- 9:03that away from you. So being raised with that kind
- 9:07of mindset really helps me as a person and helps me as someone
- 9:12with achondroplasia. Yeah.
- 9:14And your mum's quite sassy, so she cooked him a meal and then
- 9:17that's it, they carried. Me together, she is a sassy
- 9:19woman. She was like, I was gonna cook
- 9:22him food and I was gonna find a place to stay because during
- 9:26those times she was like, during those times it was tough.
- 9:29You come to the country, you have no plan.
- 9:32Yeah, but you just want a better life for yourself.
- 9:34So what? What can you do?
- 9:36You meet this man, you know he likes you, seems to like you and
- 9:40your food. What are you going to do?
- 9:42Yeah. So, yeah.
- 9:44It's funny how my dad said she cooked and never left.
- 9:48Which is great, isn't it? Yeah, it's brilliant.
- 9:50So. But you know, my, my dad used to
- 9:53say it's better to be looked at than overlooked.
- 9:56Oh yeah, and, and that's right, isn't it?
- 9:59Absolutely. Absolutely.
- 10:00Because, you know, a lot of people are afraid to stand out.
- 10:05One of my commandments is to, to not be afraid to stand out
- 10:08basically. And I think it's everyone wants
- 10:11to fit in, but they don't want to stand out.
- 10:14But it's OK to because you can inspire others.
- 10:16You can use your voice to speak up for the unheard.
- 10:19You know, I, I talk about rising above.
- 10:22I it took me a long time to speak out about how I feel about
- 10:28things because I really wanted to have friends.
- 10:32I wanted to impress people. I didn't want to give reasons
- 10:35for people to be upset with me. So I would just kind of appease
- 10:42people, the wrong people sometimes.
- 10:45But now I'm like, if you don't like me, that's fine.
- 10:48That's fine. I like me, my family like me,
- 10:51and that's all that matters. And now your fiance.
- 10:54And my fiance loves me so. Yeah, and it, but I mean, you're
- 10:59young, you've learnt all these things quite quickly.
- 11:02I'm like nearly double your age and it's taken me years to
- 11:06realise that. And whether it's just because
- 11:09you're so great with social media that you're learning,
- 11:12because I do think you learn quicker on social media.
- 11:14You learn how people hate you quicker on social media.
- 11:17You get that instant reward or abuse depending on but it does
- 11:22take a while to to have that confidence and inner strength
- 11:26and not be changed because I think it's so easy now for
- 11:30people to be moulded and changed into a certain person or a
- 11:33certain personality or a certain way of dressing.
- 11:36So I'm maybe is it your parents? Is it, is it what you know?
- 11:40What is it that's made you sort of thinks so maturely so
- 11:44quickly, really? I think it has to be.
- 11:48It has to be the treatment that I've received throughout my
- 11:54whole life because of my achondroplasia that's definitely
- 11:58made me or forced me to like myself.
- 12:02Because if I didn't, then I would listen to the people that
- 12:07hate me or the people that look at me funny, you know, like I've
- 12:11had to find that inner strength to find a way to, to like myself
- 12:17because I didn't for a long time.
- 12:19I was very depressed. I was really, I, I didn't like
- 12:23life. I hated waking up and just going
- 12:25outside. I had a fear of that because I
- 12:28knew the reaction I would get. And then that would instantly
- 12:32bring my mood down. And then when I started reading
- 12:36self help books to to find a way to change that because I after a
- 12:42while I just knew that this is the body I'm in, this is the
- 12:46body I'm in. There's nothing I can do.
- 12:49I can only like myself. I want to like myself the way my
- 12:52dad likes himself. That's how I wanted to.
- 12:55That's how I saw it, you know, So I was trying to find ways to
- 12:59be happy, to like myself, to respect myself.
- 13:04And reading those like reading the secret and manifesting that
- 13:10self love for myself really, really did help.
- 13:14And I think if I didn't have my condition where I would have to
- 13:20find acceptance and find it in the, find it in the wrong
- 13:27places, then I wouldn't have learnt to accept myself so
- 13:32quickly I think. It's really important and I, I
- 13:35do think as a woman we tend to put ourselves down more.
- 13:39We're looking out for other people.
- 13:41Often this is generalisation, but women are sort of wide that
- 13:44way and we are more negative. And certainly, you know, with
- 13:49the work that I do with seeing people with hormonal changes,
- 13:51there are lots of women who really have spent a lot of times
- 13:57feeling very inward, very down. The focus is on their children.
- 14:00And then they have more hormonal changes.
- 14:02They become perimenopausal or menopausal.
- 14:04And everyone's saying, oh, it's because you can't cope with your
- 14:07life because you're working full time.
- 14:09You've got three children, you've got parent that you might
- 14:12need to look after. So hang on.
- 14:13No, don't make them feel worse about themselves.
- 14:16Actually try and work out what the problem is.
- 14:19And in many cases it's due to changing hormones.
- 14:21But also like, how can we give ourselves tools where we are the
- 14:25best version of ourselves, that we love each, we love others,
- 14:29but we love ourselves. And it's taken me a lot of time
- 14:33to just be more selfish to actually think, no, you know, we
- 14:38have to start the love from within.
- 14:40And your, your book's very important at getting that out.
- 14:43And in fact, my oldest daughter's got these little
- 14:45notes to say, tell yourself you love you like be really
- 14:49positive. And, and it's great, you know,
- 14:52smile at yourself in the mirror. Like look at yourself.
- 14:55And, and years ago, my mother-in-law, she's very
- 14:58positive. She's great to be around.
- 14:59But she said I was dressed for dinner and she, she was a dress
- 15:04designer. So she even when she writes, she
- 15:05remembers the colour of the dress and the buttons because,
- 15:09you know, in the bag that she had.
- 15:10And she said, I was going down for dinner and I got this
- 15:13picture of this woman and I was like, gosh, who's she?
- 15:15She looks amazing. Then I realized it was a mirror
- 15:17and it was me. She was like, and we were just
- 15:20laughing because she's just written her memoirs.
- 15:22And we were like, gosh, Kay, like you were always so like,
- 15:26yes. And when someone says, oh,
- 15:27that's a nice outfit, she'll say, yes, it is, isn't it?
- 15:30Rather than I would go, oh, you sure?
- 15:32Do you really like it? You know, and I think actually
- 15:34having that, doesn't that make you feel better about yourself
- 15:37it? Does it?
- 15:38Does? I think a lot of people need to
- 15:40practice positive self-taught. Yeah.
- 15:44It's so natural to be negative. Yeah, because it is.
- 15:47Not everything is perfect. We're in a very imperfect world
- 15:51with imperfect people and ourselves.
- 15:55We're we're imperfect, so it takes effort to find things that
- 16:01are positive and things that we are grateful for.
- 16:05But once you start seeing the positives in things, especially
- 16:08in a negative situation, it kind of lightens the mood.
- 16:12It kind of makes you feel like, okay, do you know, do you know
- 16:16what? Not everything at the end of the
- 16:18world, you know. You know, you're trying every
- 16:22single day. Life is exhausting sometimes,
- 16:25but you got to give props to yourself sometimes.
- 16:27Like, I worked hard today. You know, I deserve something.
- 16:31Maybe I'd buy chocolate. Who knows?
- 16:33But sometimes I like to treat myself.
- 16:36But yeah, I think it's even the hormonal changes in terms of
- 16:43when, like, let's say before your period starts.
- 16:47I find it so I find life so agitating.
- 16:52I find I find everyone agitating around me.
- 16:55And I feel like everyone avoids me like the plague at my house.
- 16:59And then my period comes and I'm like, Oh yeah, yeah, that thing,
- 17:04you know, why? Why is it a thing to get angry
- 17:09and negative before your periods?
- 17:11Start so common. So if you heard of PMS,
- 17:13premenstrual syndrome, yes, yeah.
- 17:16So about 95% of women IE or women have some PMS.
- 17:21But what happens I don't know if you remember any any sort of
- 17:23charts you use would have learned maybe in biology classes
- 17:27at school where your hormone levels fluctuate throughout your
- 17:30menstrual cycle. So you have like a little peak
- 17:32in the middle of your cycle where we release an egg and then
- 17:35the second-half of our cycle. So the run up to our next period
- 17:38period, we have a rise in progesterone, one of the
- 17:41hormones and a rise in estradiol, which is the type of
- 17:44estrogen. And the progesterone especially
- 17:46goes really high. And then just before our
- 17:48periods, the few days before it crashes and goes down very
- 17:52quickly. So that going down very quickly
- 17:56effects every single cell in your body, but especially your
- 17:59brain. So it's like your brains going,
- 18:02what's going on? So you don't have the same
- 18:04dopamine, which is your reward hormone.
- 18:06You don't have the same serotonin, your happy hormone.
- 18:10There's other neurotransmitters in the brain that are affected
- 18:13by this big drop, and that manifests itself often with mood
- 18:17problems. A lot of people feel very low,
- 18:20very tearful, emotional, angry, irritable.
- 18:23Some people have physical symptoms.
- 18:24Sometimes people might have palpitations or joint pains or
- 18:28acne. Hair might just look awful, you
- 18:31know, those sort of feelings. And it's all related to the
- 18:34change in hormones. But the problem is, because it's
- 18:37about women, it's just normalized.
- 18:39It's like, yeah, you will feel like that, but don't worry, it's
- 18:41only for a few days actually. Like if you've got really
- 18:45important interview or you're doing something really
- 18:48important, like why should you feel not the best version of
- 18:50yourself because of your hormones?
- 18:52So often when we see people in the clinic, we'll just give
- 18:55natural hormones so different to contraception.
- 18:58It's like replace like for like often start just with
- 19:02progesterone because that's the biggest drop and lots of people
- 19:05just take progesterone for those few days just to sort of stop
- 19:08that. So plateau them a bit more.
- 19:10The hormone levels, sometimes some natural estrogen, estradiol
- 19:14as well. And then people feel the same
- 19:16all the time, which is so much better because often with age it
- 19:20can get worse and the symptoms can be extremely.
- 19:23Yes, for me. Yeah, it is.
- 19:25Yeah. I think a lot of women would
- 19:27benefit from that because I don't think they've been aware
- 19:30that it's going on. They just think it's just just
- 19:32hormones. Yeah, well, this is the thing.
- 19:34Oh, don't worry, she's just a hormonal woman.
- 19:35Just ignore her for a bit. And it's always a bit of a joke,
- 19:38but it's really difficult. And then when it's more extreme,
- 19:41so really has a big effect on people, it's often called PMDD,
- 19:45which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which basically means
- 19:49you're having a really terrible time.
- 19:53But a lot of people don't even join the dots and know that it's
- 19:56related to hormones. So a lot of women are given
- 19:58antidepressants or they're given contraception, which is a
- 20:03different type of hormone. And often it blocks like the
- 20:06serotonin happy hormone even more so people then feel worse,
- 20:09so giving natural hormones. And we've known it for decades.
- 20:12Like for decades, people have written about it, talked about
- 20:15it. And I was actually reading about
- 20:17the history about it a few days ago, and the first time it was
- 20:20written about, it went to a psychiatric journal.
- 20:25And the psychiatrist went, oh, that's just Women's Health.
- 20:29We're not interested. The gynecologists who control
- 20:32Women's Health because it's all about our periods, never read
- 20:36psychiatric or psychiatrist journals.
- 20:38So then they still don't think it's a real condition, really, a
- 20:42lot of the time. I mean, it's generalisation, of
- 20:44course, but yeah. So.
- 20:46So women are just like, well, who do I talk to?
- 20:48What do I do? How do I get help?
- 20:50But it's a real thing. And it's not just for the woman,
- 20:52like you say. It's like for everyone around us
- 20:54as well. Yeah.
- 20:56And. To understand what women go
- 20:58through in terms of periods and yeah, things like that, but
- 21:02it's. Yeah, so my oldest daughter has
- 21:04PMDD and she started off having hormones just for those few days
- 21:08and now she has them throughout her cycle, but the same amount.
- 21:11And it's the most natural way of producing your hormone, you
- 21:14know, making them level. Because if you think like
- 21:18evolutionary women are designed to, to just get pregnant and
- 21:21have like a good level of hormones, we're not really
- 21:24designed to have periods every month.
- 21:27But the, it's the impact that it has on people and others is
- 21:32really can be really difficult because they don't know what to
- 21:34do they, you know. We don't know what to do but.
- 21:37No. It's just happening.
- 21:39Yeah. It's just these moods are coming
- 21:42up and you're like, I just feel low, you know?
- 21:45Everything is frustrating. But once people understand and
- 21:49you know, in medicine we try and treat the underlying 'cause you
- 21:51know, if you had low iron, I would give you iron.
- 21:55If you have low hormones at a certain time, we just give you
- 21:57hormones. But it's, it's very simplistic
- 22:00and it's very simple. But the hardest thing is women
- 22:03actually being able to access treatment and talk about it to
- 22:05someone who understands. It is the access, I think the
- 22:09education as well. Yeah, totally.
- 22:12But I think if we improve on access or if we improve the
- 22:17education, can get better access course to women.
- 22:21I think that's, that's what's changing and I think that's
- 22:23totally what social media is doing as well, is that it's
- 22:26enabling people to have a voice 'cause they're learning from
- 22:29others. Oh yeah.
- 22:30And that's something we didn't have before, you know, when I
- 22:33was a bit younger than you, we didn't have Internet, we didn't
- 22:36have phones. Like we didn't know.
- 22:38We, we just did what our doctor told us to do.
- 22:41Whereas now if someone says to you, oh, no, you're depressed,
- 22:44you're like, well, no, I'm not depressed.
- 22:45I, I'm low just before my period, but I'm not, I don't
- 22:48need antidepressants. Then you'd probably go on social
- 22:51media and work out what others are doing and try and learn.
- 22:53Is that me? Could it be me?
- 22:55Could that treatment help? And that's, that's how things
- 22:58are changing. And I think that's the only way
- 22:59things can change, which is, which is good actually.
- 23:03I mean, some people don't like it, but they don't have to
- 23:05follow you or they don't have to learn from social media, do
- 23:08they? Social media is something that
- 23:11has changed society for the better and bad as well, but I
- 23:16think for the better in terms of education.
- 23:19Yeah, people know so much now. Because they.
- 23:21Do they know about people? They know about hormones, they
- 23:24know about like diseases and, and, and just more aware about
- 23:30things. And I think it's saving a lot of
- 23:32lives, especially trying to search for things that might be
- 23:37wrong with them and then seeing, yeah, communities that have the
- 23:40same condition as them. Yeah, for me personally, it's
- 23:44it's changed me as a person because I never used to see
- 23:48people that looked like me whatsoever at all.
- 23:51And then when I went on social media and I saw people that
- 23:54looked like me, it was like, oh, I'm not the only one in the
- 23:58world that looks like. She's great so.
- 24:01Yeah, it was really cool. Like it took me many, many years
- 24:05to realize that it wasn't just me, that I had achondroplasia.
- 24:09My parents did tell me, but seeing is believing, you know?
- 24:14So never saw people with achondroplasia on TV whatsoever
- 24:20except from. China.
- 24:22Chocolate Factory, you know so. That's really empowering.
- 24:26One of the things in your book it's you talk about your
- 24:29different commandments, which is great.
- 24:30And one of the ones I actually screenshotted because I really
- 24:33liked is about bullies. And I when I was at bullies,
- 24:37guys bullied a lot and found it really difficult.
- 24:41And some of the work I do now, I still get bullied and it it
- 24:44takes a lot of courage actually to not retaliate, but just what
- 24:49the words that you use because. They're rise above.
- 24:51Yeah, you have to rise above because you don't want to stoop
- 24:55to their level whatsoever. I sometimes I would because I'm
- 24:59just angry that day. But most of the time it's just
- 25:03effort. You know, I'm not going to give,
- 25:06I'm not going to give them anything if they try to get a
- 25:08reaction or you know, and I I've it's more of a them problem than
- 25:13you problem. You know, people that look at
- 25:16other people negatively and comment on them and try to make
- 25:20them feel less than it's, it's not right and it's they don't
- 25:24deserve good people's time. And the other thing you said was
- 25:28if, if it's still happening, get help.
- 25:31And I like that, you know, if it's at school, talk to someone.
- 25:35Don't do it alone. And I thought that was really
- 25:38good advice as well. It was so important to share
- 25:41that because I didn't do it alone, I don't I don't know if I
- 25:46would be here if I did it alone. I had a counsellor throughout
- 25:51primary school, 2nd secondary school, college, university.
- 25:57I had somebody that I could talk to you about certain things I
- 26:01could say this week this person looked at me funny or this this
- 26:05week I was upset because so and so I could lay it all out
- 26:10instead of holding it in. I don't have one now.
- 26:12I should really, but I think. You've learned so much.
- 26:16I've learned so much, so, so much about how to deal with my
- 26:21mental health. And I think as well, when I get
- 26:25overwhelmed and upset, I've learned that it's OK to cry like
- 26:31I used to think it was. You know, you're weak if you
- 26:33cry. But sometimes I'll just cry to
- 26:36Alan, and then he'll be my, my, the shoulder to cry on
- 26:41basically. Anyway, it's OK.
- 26:43It's all right. My mom hates seeing me cry.
- 26:45She starts crying as well, and then I start consoling her.
- 26:47I'm like, who's crying here? You know, it's so, it's so
- 26:52annoying. But yeah, I hate seeing her
- 26:54upset. So I, I cry to Alan if I'm upset
- 26:57about things. And you know, that's like my
- 27:01therapy. Really, Yeah, it's so important.
- 27:04So before we end, I always ask for three take home tips.
- 27:07There's loads, I loads of tips I want from you.
- 27:09But I think the three is how to be as positive as possible
- 27:13because you just, you know, there's so much positivity
- 27:17coming off you coming off your book.
- 27:19Like what are the three tips for us to be more positive?
- 27:22First one is practice positive self talk, whether that is
- 27:30telling yourself affirmations or telling yourself what you're
- 27:34grateful for in a negative situation.
- 27:37Just practice that. And then that can really help
- 27:40you have a positive mindset because then you're not seeing
- 27:44the negative side of life. The glass is half full, not
- 27:48empty. Another one is surround yourself
- 27:52with positive people. When you're around negative
- 27:55people, they can really dampen your mood.
- 27:58And you, everyone, everyone gets influenced by people you know.
- 28:02If you're around positive people, then you know the Sky's
- 28:06your limit. Another one could be to go for,
- 28:15go for your goals, no matter how hard it is, right?
- 28:20And it's easier said than done, but you got to love the process
- 28:25because that's all we got really.
- 28:26Because once the result happens, you're on to the next thing, you
- 28:31know. So you got to really love the
- 28:32process of what you're doing. And then this you can reach for
- 28:37your goals. Love it, enjoy the journey and
- 28:40enjoy it when you get there as well.
- 28:41Exactly. Enjoy it when you get there.
- 28:43You have to embrace it. Yeah.
- 28:44So important. Oh, thank.
- 28:46You it's been great. Thanks so much for coming.
- 28:49Thank you for having me, I enjoyed this.
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- 28:58on new episodes.