Latest / The Road Doc Podcast / Forgiveness – Letting Go Without Forgetting

Transcript

Forgiveness – Letting Go Without Forgetting · The Road Doc Podcast

• 0:06
  Have you ever told yourself you have forgiven someone but deep
• 0:12
  inside the memory still stinks? Does forgiveness mean arising
• 0:19
  the past or is it about learning to live with it?
• 0:26
  Yep. Today we are going to talk about
• 0:29
  one of the hardest lessons in life, forgiveness, and more
• 0:34
  importantly, how to let go without forgetting.
• 0:41
  Hey everyone, I am Doctor Mukund.
• 0:44
  Welcome back to my podcast, the Road Dog Podcast.
• 0:50
  I hope you are having a great day today and let's understand
• 0:54
  what forgiveness is and we will deep dive into it.
• 0:58
  I know this is a pretty much very sensitive topic for most of
• 1:01
  the people, so with no further ado, let's just get into it.
• 1:07
  Understanding forgiveness thus unpack this.
• 1:12
  Forgiveness is often misunderstood by so many of us.
• 1:16
  In general people think forgiveness means saying it's
• 1:20
  OK, let us pretend it never happened.
• 1:24
  But that is not true. Forgiveness does not erase the
• 1:28
  past. Forgiveness is not a recent
• 1:31
  button, its is actually about releasing the whole that pain
• 1:38
  has on you. When you forgive, you are not
• 1:43
  saying the hurt was acceptable, you are saying I refuse to let
• 1:50
  the pain control me anymore. And that shift from anger to
• 1:56
  freedom is where the healing actually begins.
• 2:03
  You heard it all right? Now let us also cover the myth
• 2:08
  of forgetting, isn't it? We all heard the phrase forgive
• 2:14
  and forget, right? In our lifetimes, we all came
• 2:19
  across this line. I know that I have heard it
• 2:22
  million times. I know that I sense you might
• 2:25
  have also heard this million times.
• 2:30
  But the truth is, our minds do not forget pain easily, and they
• 2:37
  are not supposed to. Our brain remembers hurt so we
• 2:43
  can protect ourselves from repeating it.
• 2:46
  So forgetting is not the goal here.
• 2:49
  If you have forgiven someone but still remember what they did,
• 2:55
  that's not failure. I call it wisdom to be honest.
• 3:02
  Think about it like in this way. Remember, this is your scar.
• 3:11
  It just shows up like you survived it.
• 3:14
  But forgiveness is what stop the wounds from bleeding again.
• 3:21
  That is the most important thing to remember, people.
• 3:26
  It is not literally just, you know, you do not forget
• 3:28
  anything, but you allow yourself to let it go and you make that
• 3:34
  choice on your own. And definitely this process will
• 3:37
  take time, not just, it is not going to vanish in one day.
• 3:42
  It will take some time, depends upon you actually.
• 3:47
  For some people it may take few months, some people it may take
• 3:49
  few weeks, some people it may take few years.
• 3:53
  We cannot say exactly when it will, but the moment you decide
• 3:56
  to let it go, that is when the freedom starts.
• 4:02
  Now let us cover the steps to let go without forgetting.
• 4:08
  So how do you actually do this? How do you forgive but not erase
• 4:15
  the memory? Here are five steps that might
• 4:19
  help you on your journey #1 acknowledge the hurt #2 Separate
• 4:28
  the ACT from the person #3 choose to release resentment #4
• 4:37
  Set boundaries #5 transform the memory.
• 4:45
  Now I am gonna unpack everything so that we all can understand in
• 4:51
  little bit more detail. So what I mean by acknowledge
• 4:55
  the hurt, it simply means do not suppress it.
• 5:03
  Say it out loud, write it down, face it, pretend it did not
• 5:08
  happen, only just delays the healing.
• 5:11
  Alright, accepting that it did happen and you do acknowledge
• 5:16
  that it hurt you in some way is the first step in this healing
• 5:24
  journey. And the second one, separate the
• 5:30
  ACT from the person. People act out of their own
• 5:35
  pain, insecurities or ignorance. It does not excuse what they
• 5:40
  did, but it helps you to see the bigger picture, isn't it?
• 5:43
  So what I suggest is to look at the bigger, bigger picture.
• 5:48
  I know this is very difficult for each and everyone of us, but
• 5:54
  the moment you try to separate the ACT from the person, it will
• 5:58
  help you in some way to release the pain.
• 6:02
  And let us move to the third one.
• 6:04
  Choose to release the resentment.
• 6:06
  Forgiveness is not just a one time event, you know.
• 6:10
  It is a choice you may have to make again and again until the
• 6:14
  grip loosens. Let us just say like this, you
• 6:18
  just hold on to something for a longer period of time.
• 6:21
  Let us just say you are holding a cup on your hand.
• 6:28
  The longer you hold, the longer it gets hurt.
• 6:32
  You feel the pain. The moment you chose to keep it
• 6:37
  down, the pain starts, slowly goes away.
• 6:42
  That's the same thing here, the healing.
• 6:45
  Choosing to release that resentment is like that.
• 6:48
  So the moment you decided to release it from your mind or
• 6:53
  from your heart, whatever you think it is, you slowly feel
• 6:59
  that loosening of pain and slowly you will feel like you
• 7:05
  are coming back to your own. Isn't it?
• 7:08
  Try it, it definitely works, not at the pace you wanted, but you
• 7:13
  will at least. I am guaranteed that from 100%
• 7:17
  there will be significant release of some percentage of
• 7:20
  your pain release that is for sure.
• 7:23
  And let us move on to #4 setting boundaries.
• 7:27
  Forgiving someone does not mean inviting them back into your
• 7:31
  life. You know you can forgive and
• 7:34
  still protect your peace. And this is one of the most
• 7:38
  important things because if you do not set boundaries with that
• 7:42
  person, you are inviting that pain again and again and again,
• 7:48
  no matter how sweet they were to you in the beginning or what
• 7:52
  not. But you need to realize that the
• 7:57
  ACT that happened is actually what you are hurt.
• 8:01
  And through this person this has happened.
• 8:03
  The more you allow this person in your life, the more you get
• 8:07
  hurt and the more your peace will be disturbed.
• 8:10
  It is like a trigger point to you.
• 8:12
  So it always try to triggers you, pulls you back and bring
• 8:16
  you down is not it? That happens no matter what.
• 8:23
  So I suggest you to have some boundaries with that person or
• 8:29
  with that event or whatever it may be.
• 8:33
  You should not allow it one more time to enter in your life.
• 8:38
  And that is you have to take that decision to set boundaries
• 8:44
  with those people. Alright.
• 8:48
  And the fifth one, the final one, transform the memory.
• 8:53
  I mean, instead of letting it be a wound, let it become a lesson.
• 9:00
  Look back and say I grew stronger because of that.
• 9:05
  That gives you so much strength. The moment you do that, you will
• 9:10
  feel like this event or this person who did this will no
• 9:16
  longer have the power to disturb your peace ever again.
• 9:21
  And that is the most one of the most important things in the
• 9:24
  healing journey. And I know by that time you come
• 9:29
  to that stage, it would have taken a very, very long time.
• 9:33
  You would have had so many questions in your mind why this
• 9:36
  happened to me, why only me, why not someone else.
• 9:40
  This is that. I know that.
• 9:42
  I am fully aware of that too. But the process of healing takes
• 9:47
  time to give yourself ample amount of time.
• 9:51
  Do not beat yourself up because the process is slow.
• 9:55
  It was supposed to be slow and you will all realize that at
• 10:00
  some point. You look back and tell yourself
• 10:06
  like oh God, I went through this and came out of this alone or
• 10:15
  may be with someone's help. You will be very thankful for
• 10:20
  learning this lesson because this is also very important for
• 10:24
  life. I know people only want
• 10:26
  happiness and good things to happen in life, but sorry to
• 10:31
  disappoint you everyone because life doesn't happen in that way.
• 10:37
  So life has good things and bad things.
• 10:42
  If you only want one thing, that's not your thing to choose
• 10:47
  because the choice really we really doesn't have that.
• 10:51
  But what you have is if something goes wrong then
• 10:55
  definitely you can follow all these steps to come out of it
• 11:00
  too. Because life is an endless
• 11:03
  journey and death is part of it. And in the process of a life
• 11:09
  cycle we all go through cynical things of goodness, vadnais,
• 11:14
  greatness, vast things and what not.
• 11:19
  Life is really not in our control, my dear people, it is
• 11:24
  not so. Guys, friends, women, whoever
• 11:29
  you are listening to this, we really cannot control anything.
• 11:35
  We just think we can control everything all the time.
• 11:39
  But the truth is very bitter. We really cannot control
• 11:45
  anything. We only control very few things.
• 11:49
  So focus on those few things you can control because instead of
• 11:54
  thinking and wasting your time on why this happened to me, why
• 11:57
  this event is happened to me, why this person heard to me, all
• 12:01
  these things. Instead try to think about how
• 12:05
  can I let this go? How can I actually forgive?
• 12:11
  But I don't forget the lessons from this.
• 12:15
  How can I move on with it? How can I transform into
• 12:19
  strength, right? I will also like to share my own
• 12:26
  personal insight in this because I mean, things happened and
• 12:31
  things will happen in many, many ways.
• 12:35
  And something like that happened to my story as well.
• 12:39
  Not because of what not. It's not that someone
• 12:45
  intentionally did it, but it just happened.
• 12:49
  It is no one's fault, but it did happen.
• 12:53
  So what I did, instead of taking revenge and all these things, I
• 12:58
  just acknowledged it. I simply followed all the five
• 13:01
  steps I did and I am good to go. Now I am even more careful, I am
• 13:06
  even more wiser and I became even more better person.
• 13:12
  So yeah, that is how it is going to be.
• 13:16
  That is called life, my dear people.
• 13:19
  That is called life. So that is what I would like to
• 13:25
  say. So for me, forgiveness was never
• 13:32
  about letting go or letting that person back in my circle.
• 13:38
  It was about freeing myself. The memory is still there, but
• 13:42
  instead of anger, I carry the wisdom with me and it stays with
• 13:48
  me forever. That is how I change the pain
• 13:51
  into strength and that is how everybody do that, not just me.
• 13:57
  So do not worry people, everything takes time, but you
• 14:02
  will become stronger only if you choose to become stronger.
• 14:06
  So here is my question for you. Think about one person or one
• 14:09
  event in your life that you struggle to forgive.
• 14:13
  What would change in your life if you let go of the anger but
• 14:18
  held on to the lesson? Remember, forgiveness is a gift
• 14:24
  you give yourself, not about them.
• 14:30
  It is about setting yourself free.
• 14:36
  I hope this if you get the answers to these questions and
• 14:40
  my statements here, I will repeat one more time.
• 14:44
  Remember this, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
• 14:48
  It is not about them ever. It is about setting yourself
• 14:52
  free. I hope you understood what I
• 14:57
  tried to say in this episode and I would like to close this
• 15:02
  episode and thank you so much for spending this time with me
• 15:06
  here. If today's episode gave you
• 15:09
  something to reflect on, carry that energy forward and as
• 15:14
  always, keep moving my dear people, keep growing and keep
• 15:17
  building the best version of yourself because your life is
• 15:22
  not done yet. You still have many more to
• 15:25
  conquer. Trust me on this and stay
• 15:29
  stronger. Keep growing and keep building
• 15:33
  yourself. The best version of yourself is
• 15:36
  yet to launch. This is Doctor Mukun signing
• 15:40
  off. Until then, take care of
• 15:43
  yourself. I'll see you in the next
• 15:45
  episode. Take care.