Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / PAUSE — The Power of Intentional Rest with Dr. Stacia Thompson

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PAUSE — The Power of Intentional Rest with Dr. Stacia Thompson · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

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  Hey family, if you've been looking for a way to grow, heal,
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  So don't wait. Your next breakthrough might be
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  just one Listen away. Tap the link below and start
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  your audible journey today. Good morning and welcome to and
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  Thrive with Doctor J Nicole, where we are rising in faith and
• 1:16
  thriving in purpose. Today I am joined by Doctor
• 1:20
  Stacia Thompson and author, social innovator and strategist
• 1:25
  with the career spanning over 20 years of experience in higher
• 1:28
  education, workforce development, economic
• 1:31
  development, nonprofit entrepreneurship and community
• 1:35
  service. With a doctorate in higher
• 1:37
  education focusing on teaching and learning, Stacia combines
• 1:41
  academic expertise with practical leadership.
• 1:44
  Her passion for DEI, workforce development and entrepreneurial
• 1:48
  culture drives her work in creating sustainable businesses
• 1:52
  and community impact. Stacia's contributions span of
• 1:57
  various sectors, her personal experience including being a
• 2:01
  parent of a neurodivergent child and form her empathetic and
• 2:05
  resilient approach to leadership and community building.
• 2:09
  Welcome, Stacia. Call you doctor.
• 2:12
  Thompson today. Stacia, I'm I'm all you know.
• 2:16
  You earned it. I'll slide a couple docs in,
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  yeah. I'll do the same for you.
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  Appreciate it, Appreciate it. So we're here today and we are
• 2:25
  going to be talking about something very special that you
• 2:28
  did and let's write a book. Yes y'all reclaim peace, time
• 2:36
  and energy pause the power of intentional rest.
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  So today is going to be just about that and I love the note
• 2:43
  that you wrote inside of here for me about intentional rest
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  and So what I really love about this Sasia is how you have the
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  book and the separate accompanying journal.
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  I love that and I know we'll get into that more and I love the
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  texture on here. This is very like that tactile
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  part of me is like, this is even soothing.
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  Yes, it's all organic, all goes together.
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  Just you know, we have those moments in the day where we have
• 3:09
  can have mindful moments or just notice little things because
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  we're not taking a break. It's also just little things,
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  the colors, that, the way it feels, the, you know, it all
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  goes together. I love the intentionality behind
• 3:21
  it for sure, because I picked that up.
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  I said, oh, wait a minute. I don't remember feeling as good
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  the other times I was handling it, but maybe because I was
• 3:29
  doing other stuff and not being intentional and mindful.
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  Yes. But tell us a little bit about
• 3:35
  what inspired you to write Pause, The Power of intentional
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  Rest. So you know, we plan everything
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  but our rest, right? We, we, we meal prep, we plan
• 3:45
  our vacations. And even those really aren't
• 3:47
  rest all the time. But life has a way of sometimes
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  making you rest too. And so this one day I just was
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  like, I can't do this. I don't have anything left in
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  me. So I dropped my son off at
• 4:00
  school and went back home, let my boss know this is a sick day
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  and it was from mental health. And so I called those my power,
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  the P JS day. So then I started scheduling
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  them and it was always in the middle of the week, you know,
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  because we the weekend we already most time is scheduled,
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  but we already got that off. So be in the middle of the week
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  and it'd be a shut off of no laptop, no cell phone.
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  I'd be on the couch in my pajamas watching reality TV,
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  eating junk food, taking naps, go back from the bed to the
• 4:30
  couch. And I really needed that reset
• 4:33
  for myself. And so as I move forward, even
• 4:36
  in my career, I remember telling my leadership, I told him, I
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  said, just so you know, I do take mental health days.
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  And it's just as much for you as it is for me.
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  Yeah. You know, so then Fast forward,
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  I was on it. I was a panelist for a Woman in
• 4:51
  Business symposium and one of the questions asked about work
• 4:54
  life balance. And so I told them, I don't
• 4:56
  really subscribe to that. I believe in work life
• 4:58
  integration. And then I said, I have my
• 5:00
  power, my PJS days. And so she had me explain what
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  they were. And then when I got done, she
• 5:06
  said that sounds like a book. That was two years ago.
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  And this year I this year I birthed it and it was Roger
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  Fruition. Yes.
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  Tell us a little bit about that process and writing a book,
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  because that's one of those things that seems like so
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  daunting or like, I mean, they're like, yeah, of course
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  she could do that. She's the doctor.
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  Like, yeah. But like, what was that process
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  like for you? You know, one thing sometimes we
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  don't do as individuals as and it's hustle and grind, you know,
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  kind of society. We don't ask for help.
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  And so when I, when it was originally brought to me, I was
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  like, yeah, I could write about this, but I don't know where to
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  start. Then I was like, I started and
• 5:44
  stopped, started to stop. And then there was some divine
• 5:46
  intervention that got placed to bring me back to it because I
• 5:50
  swore. I swore I was never going to
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  write anything else again after I defended.
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  That visitation, yeah, you need a good break after that.
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  You know, and you know, but this writing was different and so as
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  God would have it, I got connected to a publisher who's
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  also, she's actually a mental health professional, also women
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  of faith, and I was giving her information and I still didn't
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  do anything with it for like 2 months.
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  Yeah. And then I finally made an
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  appointment with her. We just connected everything she
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  shared. And then I just so happened to
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  be in Indianapolis one weekend. My niece was going to University
• 6:32
  of Indianapolis. She's on the softball team.
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  So the Saturday games got rained out.
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  I was in the hotel and I just started talking to copilot.
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  And copilot transcribed everything that I talked about
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  what I want the chapters to look like, what my what I really want
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  to make sure I got across in the book.
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  And then after her and I met and I signed my contract, I sent her
• 6:49
  that transcript and she wrote me, she created me 20 writing
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  prompts and she gave me 90 days. She said, if you don't do this
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  in 90 days, you're never going to do it and you're never going
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  to finish. So I had my 500 words a day and
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  we and she got, and she got me to the finish line.
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  And we even during and after our meetings, she would pray with
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  me. She would check in on me.
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  And that's if. If it had not been for her, this
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  book would have not come to fruition.
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  Yeah, wow, that's quite the journey, right?
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  When you that panel between the panel getting her information to
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  actually writing that two years went by, yes, that I get to get
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  the timeline right. Two years.
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  And then you did it in three months?
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  Yes, talk publishing. I I recommend her to anyone
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  because I think will help too. Like I said she was a woman of
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  faith so she matched my like one time after.
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  I mean, she goes, can we pray as a let's go?
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  You know, let's yes. So we were praying over my
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  project, she was praying over me, and I saw some of the other
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  people she had worked with. And like I said, divine
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  intervention just kept on finding this way in, of course.
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  And she was just the perfect, you know, setup and the
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  encouragement and she had a learning management system.
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  So every week it had me watching a video or filling out a form
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  for my ISBN, for the Library of Congress, for my book covers.
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  And they designed it. And we, you know, did.
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  So just the typesetting, just everything.
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  Because I've heard about like, nightmares of people who self
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  publish. And I was like, yeah, there's no
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  way I would have the time or capacity to do all those things.
• 8:28
  Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. I love that you found that.
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  So I love that you said she has a system.
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  And I think a lot of people, they also self publish because I
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  mean, I know people with that stories where they were ripped
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  off, they spent thousands of dollars with people.
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  Nothing came out of it. So a lot of people are going the
• 8:53
  self-publishing route for that reason, because you can do these
• 8:57
  things, but you do have to have the structure, the time, self
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  accountability or some type of accountability to get these
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  things done. And then we just, you just don't
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  know what you don't know. Like I'm on the Spark.
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  I'm trying to think of the platform as Spark.
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  And that's how you get into onto Amazon and into Barnes and Noble
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  and all these other book places. Ingram Spark, I would have not
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  known to get registered on Ingram Spark.
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  I would not known, you know, all these different.
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  So now I can go to Barnes and Noble and have a book signing.
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  And because they only order, you know, they won't order directly
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  from the author, but they'll go, They have to do their wholesale
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  ordering. I would have known to do that.
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  I would have limited myself. Right, and I was telling you
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  before we were started recording how I sat down with one of my
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  friends who's gone through the process but self-publishing and
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  he told me all of that, the number of notes, the different,
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  all the spaces you need to go, why you shouldn't do a free is
• 9:53
  been numbered through Amazon. You need to have your own and
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  like all of these things that I would have never known.
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  And I'm like, it's doable, but it's a lot.
• 10:05
  But I think it's easier to conceptualize.
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  If you get it all, you see it, and then it's broken down too.
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  I love that you have someone to work you through that.
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  But bringing us back to your finished product, why do you
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  think so many of us schedule everything but our rest?
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  I think that's what's been ingrained to us.
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  Like, think about it. So, you know, I'm a woman of a
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  certain age, so I'll be 50 this year.
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  Black don't crack, they be. But I think about watching my
• 10:36
  grandparents, you know, it was that hustle grind.
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  Like, you know, short story, my, my grandfather was in a involved
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  in a car accident where he was the only survivor.
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  In fact, they had him in a body bag.
• 10:46
  He coughed and that's how they knew he was alive.
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  So I live in Racine. So they were coming back from
• 10:50
  Beloit and those curves come back from Beloit and he was in.
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  So he spent like a year in the hospital recovering.
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  So he had a amputated leg and a paralyzed arm.
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  But guess what, once he got out of the hospital and learned how
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  to use that leg, my grandmother had to start going to work
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  because they had three stair, you know, kids stair steps.
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  Asked me what he did to make sure they had money and coming
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  in the house he walked. I think I could guess.
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  He walked the South side of Racine, going door to door
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  selling women's lingerie. You know, there was a time where
• 11:23
  there was a catalog and door to door sales for everything.
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  So imagine this man, you know, and they didn't know anything
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  but work. And I feel like even us, you
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  know, you coming up in this hustle culture, like even I used
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  to wake up every morning, go on Facebook and say rise and grind,
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  rise and grind. Like it was like a badge of
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  honor because I put in 14 hours a day or I've been working 27
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  days straight. Not now.
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  He's killing us mentally, physically and spiritually, you
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  know, and I think that's just, that's all we know because
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  that's how we ever witnessed. And that's how our most of our
• 12:00
  ancestors got here. Yes.
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  And then to get through, we flip it into, we work hard and like
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  you play hard. We take care of our family.
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  And then some people, they don't know how to rest.
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  And I'm even going back further for anyone who is a descendant
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  of someone who was enslaved, right, They had to do it.
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  They had to do it and Yep. And then what do we do?
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  So now all of a sudden there's all this freedom.
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  We don't know what rest is like. The people who knew rest, they
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  have long, they have gone on to be with the Lord.
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  Like you know that? Is their rest from.
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  Free, exactly. And they're so far from, you
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  know, there's so many generations removed that all we
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  know is work, work, work, work, work, work, work.
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  We don't know pleasure, we don't know enjoyment.
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  Any moment of pause, you're lazy, you're sleeping too late,
• 12:53
  you're lazy, everything lazy. And so we don't that's the word.
• 12:57
  We know one, especially now that our culture wants to be.
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  Absolute. And everybody thinks that pause
• 13:03
  means stop. It doesn't mean stop.
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  It means we're going to, you know, take a step back,
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  recalibrate, see if what we're even doing is still even serving
• 13:11
  a purpose because we might be just spinning on our Ferris
• 13:14
  wheel, right, thinking we're getting things done and you're
• 13:16
  really not because you don't have the you're.
• 13:18
  Just moving, that's it. For the sake of moving, that's.
• 13:22
  Can you say that part again? You're moving for the sake of
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  moving. And for after anxiety, yes, for
• 13:29
  for optics and I also hear anxiety, right, because for fear
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  of how you will look, be perceived, yes.
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  And what follows that whatever the perceptions are, it could be
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  any number of things, yes. But you know, you're you are in
• 13:46
  the mental health realm. Burnout is now in the and I
• 13:49
  always get the name of that book around the DSM.
• 13:52
  You know the code, you know the World Health Organization put
• 13:55
  burnout and there's not a disease, but it's cause of many
• 13:57
  diseases. Now it's actually made the book.
• 14:00
  So that's why we have to take a break because burnout is real.
• 14:04
  Sometimes we play off like we're not burned out, but you really
• 14:06
  are a need to admit it because you can't quote from an empty
• 14:11
  cup you. Cannot.
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  Or did and. There's that, and then they love
• 14:15
  to say and sleep when you die. What like a so toxic, but like,
• 14:21
  you're right, there was a time where I, I had like a cute like
• 14:24
  little screensaver on my phone that was like pray, grind and
• 14:29
  stuff, whatever. Like it was all this stuff, but
• 14:31
  it's like prayer and grinding don't even go together because
• 14:34
  then you're not even moving on God's time.
• 14:36
  But there's a difference between resting on your laurels and not
• 14:41
  getting busy with purpose with the work that God has told you
• 14:44
  to do and not. And people love to overlook.
• 14:47
  I don't say they love to, but many of us overlooked that God
• 14:50
  intentionally built rest in. That's Bible.
• 14:53
  And on the 7th. Day on the 7th day he rested
• 14:58
  yes, yes, he rested and so we we don't but that that luxury was
• 15:04
  taken away or removed. And then other countries I need
• 15:08
  to go where they do siestas and just have that experience of
• 15:12
  just like this midday break and recharge.
• 15:15
  But think about it throughout the Bible, what did everybody do
• 15:19
  40 days right when they went on to the wilderness, when Jesus
• 15:25
  will sleep on the back of the boat, Everybody had to rest.
• 15:28
  The thought about that. So Spacia, are you telling me we
• 15:31
  need 40 day vacations? Yes.
• 15:33
  Is that what I deserve? I mean give B, give B Father
• 15:38
  God, I'm ready. Healthy structure it Lord.
• 15:41
  Yes, we need those breaks. Think about it.
• 15:45
  It's almost did it. I did 20 something last year.
• 15:48
  I did a country. I worked.
• 15:50
  I was in a different country. I worked some of those days.
• 15:54
  I did 10 believe. Which part?
• 15:57
  It was a small city, a small town, like right outside of what
• 16:02
  was the name of that town. It was right outside of Lee City
• 16:06
  and it was the best thing ever because I did the non touristy
• 16:09
  thing. We got around on a golf cart.
• 16:12
  People were amazed. Were you in amber?
• 16:14
  Greece key like San Salvador or was it different because they
• 16:18
  got they have all the different little islands you got to take
• 16:21
  the boat to get to and. We did an island tour Yep, but
• 16:24
  it was the perfect thing because the backdrop right of and there
• 16:28
  were days even on vacation that This is why I even tell people
• 16:31
  to like make sure when you go on vacation this year, you were
• 16:34
  vacationing because you shouldn't go on vacation.
• 16:36
  Need a day when you get back to take a vacation from the
• 16:40
  vacation, like on that vacation literally every morning welcome.
• 16:43
  Like, OK, what are we going to do today?
• 16:46
  Let's go get massages. Let's go into town and go taste
• 16:50
  some rum. But it was just really random.
• 16:52
  And then, like, there was a couple nights we all end up in
• 16:54
  one bed watching a movie. Like there wasn't like we had to
• 16:58
  go. That.
• 16:59
  You know what I'm saying? Do stuff.
• 17:01
  I'm I'm not an early bird. I look at my window the one day
• 17:05
  2 friends sitting out other than I just because we had a, we had
• 17:10
  a condo or a like a siesta. So there was 2 bedrooms in the
• 17:14
  back of the conduit and then 2 front and we had our own court
• 17:17
  like so the boat could come up and pick us up.
• 17:20
  It was part of a community. And literally I looked out the
• 17:23
  window just out there by the water reading like and that was
• 17:28
  the best thing ever. And then I also did a solo trip
• 17:32
  last year. Where'd you go?
• 17:35
  So I did this thing called pack up and go.
• 17:36
  I don't know if you've ever heard.
• 17:38
  OK, so pack up and go is a service and they plan your
• 17:42
  entire trip. You don't know where you're
• 17:44
  going to the day you leave. This sounds exciting.
• 17:46
  Some people would be terrified. I don't need to know the
• 17:49
  temperature so I can go out of path.
• 17:51
  That's what they do. So I found out about it from a
• 17:53
  colleague of mine. And it's all stateside you
• 17:57
  they'll plan trips from anywhere from one to 10 people.
• 18:00
  I decided, you know what? I'm hitting my wall.
• 18:02
  I need, I need a break. So three weeks before the trip,
• 18:05
  I filled out the questionnaire. You tell them, you know, are you
• 18:09
  a foodie? Do you like to go to sporting
• 18:11
  events? Do you want to support BIPOC
• 18:12
  businesses while you're there? Do you want to go?
• 18:15
  I told them I liked water and I told them, you know, I liked,
• 18:19
  you know, culture and that was a foodie.
• 18:21
  So they planned the whole trip. I get.
• 18:23
  Then you get a e-mail telling you, OK, this is the time and
• 18:28
  day in the airport you're leaving from.
• 18:31
  This is the what the weather forecast is going to be like
• 18:33
  when you're there. So I was like, OK, I started
• 18:35
  putting it together and they told me pack a pillow because
• 18:38
  your flight's a little bit longer than what we normally do.
• 18:39
  So I was like, OK, that's got to be Pacific Northwest because I
• 18:42
  can get to the East Coast pretty fast.
• 18:44
  And then the night before you get a e-mail, you get a packet
• 18:48
  in the mail the week before and you get an e-mail the night
• 18:50
  before. It says do not open this e-mail
• 18:52
  until you open your packet. So you open the packet.
• 18:55
  It tells you a good surprise. There are people that like
• 18:59
  girlfriends that apparently that do it like once a year and they
• 19:02
  like they went to the they got to the airport to open.
• 19:05
  I had to know the night before because I didn't know what to
• 19:07
  pack. Like I want to make sure, but
• 19:09
  they made my dinner reservations.
• 19:11
  They planned all my excursions. I went to the Chaluli Garden.
• 19:15
  I went to the Space Needle. I did a walk in coffee tour.
• 19:18
  Their harbor boat cruise. So you were in Seattle?
• 19:22
  Yes, yes. So I was at yeah.
• 19:24
  So they sent me to Seattle and it was awesome.
• 19:26
  I was was there Monday through Friday and it was amazing.
• 19:30
  But I needed that break again. It's it was a pause Monday
• 19:33
  through Friday. I didn't take any meetings.
• 19:36
  Well I didn't. I turned up on my alarms even
• 19:38
  when they scheduled my stuff. I told them I only want to do
• 19:41
  one thing a day, if that and needs to be after 10:00 AM.
• 19:44
  But they had me at the Kimpton Hotel.
• 19:46
  I was within walking distance of everything they set up for me.
• 19:48
  It was glorious. I will do it again.
• 19:51
  Yeah, I'm about to go look this up soon as we finish recording.
• 19:55
  And then you just made me think, like, when do I have a break
• 19:57
  coming up? But we're doing a family cruise.
• 19:59
  This is delayed birthday celebration for my nephew, not
• 20:02
  birthday graduation celebration for my nephew Cameron.
• 20:06
  And I I said I was like, I'm not working on this cruise.
• 20:10
  I'm I'm I'm but with the exception to record my brother's
• 20:14
  episode of the podcast. So I was like, OK, we record
• 20:16
  that on the ship. That's cool.
• 20:18
  But but he'll be the first person that I'll do an interview
• 20:21
  with, like in the same space. OK, yeah, so that'll be
• 20:25
  different. Maybe that'll open up some
• 20:26
  stuff. I don't know.
• 20:27
  We'll see. But yeah, I'm, I'm, I, I
• 20:30
  intentionally committed to it. And I was like, Lord, you'll
• 20:32
  send the money before whatever because, you know, a week off.
• 20:35
  I'm entrepreneur, you know it matters, but.
• 20:38
  Yes. The time is needed.
• 20:40
  So you've said that rest is a requirement, not a reward.
• 20:44
  Can you share how that shift has changed your own life?
• 20:48
  Like I said, I'm a woman of a certain age now and your body
• 20:51
  starts to tell you like, I can't do the, if I go to sleep now and
• 20:58
  do this and I work for three hours, I'll be fine.
• 21:00
  Like I can't do that anymore. And I noticed people don't
• 21:03
  believe it's true. Me getting the proper rest has
• 21:06
  helped my weight loss, my skin, my mental clarity.
• 21:09
  Me even shifting to the mindset of not being hustled in this
• 21:13
  hustle all the time is I'm actually getting more done
• 21:16
  because again, I found myself on that wheel just moving to be
• 21:19
  moving, but wasn't going anywhere.
• 21:22
  And then others have seen it too, right.
• 21:24
  And so we have to practice it and share it with others.
• 21:27
  Appreciate. And I think everybody thinks
• 21:29
  because I've always had, you know, public roles is that I'm
• 21:31
  an extrovert. I'm really an introverted
• 21:33
  extrovert. Like sometimes I'd rather be I'm
• 21:36
  the life of the party, but then I'd rather be at home on the
• 21:38
  couch because I have to people so much and my social battery
• 21:43
  runs low. Yeah.
• 21:46
  And I've had to like my therapist even told me one time
• 21:49
  she said you need to armor beer like the church, She said.
• 21:52
  So when you're out in public and it's not work related, you need
• 21:55
  somebody that can come in and swoop in and be like, Nope,
• 21:58
  she's not talking about this right now.
• 21:59
  Or so I've had a set boundaries even of Noah's a sentence right
• 22:04
  And. If I don't feel like if I don't.
• 22:07
  Feel like going somewhere personally and like I don't have
• 22:09
  to give an explanation, I just don't want to.
• 22:12
  And I had to create those those boundaries with everyone.
• 22:14
  And you know, Stacia, as you're saying that I think for a lot of
• 22:18
  people, those not built into the culture.
• 22:22
  Where people pleasers also. Yes, because because of that, we
• 22:26
  are our parents, caregivers have grown us, raised us to be
• 22:31
  people, feasers, and so were they.
• 22:35
  And when I look back now, knowing all the things that I
• 22:37
  know about mental health, there's so many people that I
• 22:40
  saw who had attitude problems. Well, really it was anxiety.
• 22:43
  It was really anxiety. I remember going to the doctor
• 22:47
  and this is like during my dissertation time because my
• 22:49
  prime time was 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM to write.
• 22:52
  And then there got to be a point where I I was having trouble
• 22:54
  sleeping. I went to the doctor.
• 22:55
  It's like, oh, I need a sleep study.
• 22:57
  I can't sleep. I think I slept through the
• 22:59
  night. It's.
• 22:59
  Really just been an hour. I can't sleep.
• 23:01
  And she said, are you stressed? And I was like, yeah, probably,
• 23:06
  she said. It's anxiety.
• 23:07
  It's your mind is not stopping at night to let you rest and
• 23:12
  that's why you're not sleeping. Yep, Yep.
• 23:16
  And even as you were talking about rest, helping with your
• 23:19
  weight loss and everything. And then the grind culture.
• 23:22
  The grind culture creates stress.
• 23:25
  So what a lot of us have learned to do is we create stress, we
• 23:30
  create a crisis because it motivates us, it activates us,
• 23:34
  and we have to really learn how to be intrinsically motivated
• 23:38
  from a positive space, not a what are people going to say?
• 23:42
  You being lazy? Just get up we.
• 23:44
  Want to be the hero, We want to be the hero in the save the day,
• 23:48
  right? Because we, some people, it's
• 23:51
  like the dopamine, they need that clout, right?
• 23:52
  Like it turns them on when actually you need to save
• 23:55
  yourself because we have so many people counting on us, whether
• 23:58
  professionally, personally, I'm a parent and daughter rape, like
• 24:01
  you said, raising growing adults.
• 24:03
  Now you know, the tides are turned on.
• 24:04
  Now you know, raising adults is ghetto.
• 24:07
  And by the way, raising parents. But you know, we have a lot of
• 24:10
  people depending on us. And like I said before, we
• 24:13
  cannot pour from an empty cup and we're no good to them.
• 24:16
  And we don't take care of ourselves.
• 24:17
  And we watch it, think about it, there's research that shows like
• 24:22
  people who are like retired police officers, firefighters,
• 24:25
  or think about those that worked in manufacturing 2530 years down
• 24:29
  the foundry. And that's a lot of people
• 24:31
  embracing. That's why we have the black
• 24:34
  population we have. They came for those blue collar
• 24:36
  jobs. Yes.
• 24:38
  And you think about so and the research shows that those folks
• 24:42
  are more susceptible to having hard hacks and strokes when they
• 24:45
  retire because you know, for the police officers and
• 24:49
  firefighters, they're in fight or flight all the time, right?
• 24:52
  They're high anxiety jobs. And then when the body stops,
• 24:56
  it's like, what are we doing now?
• 24:57
  Like, and same thing, like a friend of mine, her father had
• 25:01
  his stroke two weeks after he retired from case company.
• 25:03
  But his body had been through that for years and years and
• 25:06
  years. And then you retire.
• 25:08
  It's like body's like, OK, when we're going to move, when we
• 25:11
  going to he doesn't know what to do.
• 25:13
  So there's there's research to show that.
• 25:14
  And that's another reason too, we need to take care of
• 25:17
  ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.
• 25:21
  And we and we know as people of color the emotional and the, and
• 25:26
  the mental, we, we will do it spiritually, right?
• 25:30
  But the emotional and the mental health hasn't has been a stigma.
• 25:34
  And don't get me wrong, you know, I believe I'm a firm
• 25:38
  believer and yes, go to pastor. But pastor don't have a degree
• 25:43
  in psychology or if it doesn't have a license for mental
• 25:46
  health, they can do what they can do, right?
• 25:49
  And you talk and. Pastor might have the same
• 25:51
  maladaptive coping skills you're using.
• 25:55
  Exactly. So don't be ashamed to go get, I
• 25:59
  mean, it's there for a reason, you know, and find the right,
• 26:02
  find the right one. You know the first one you go to
• 26:04
  might not be the right, but go until you find one.
• 26:08
  Yeah, and it's all connected, so there's that stigma there.
• 26:11
  But then people, it's so interesting how people are
• 26:14
  moving just to move. But then some of them, they
• 26:16
  don't want to go to the gym, they don't want to go work out,
• 26:19
  they don't want to go work like, you know, like go for a walk, do
• 26:23
  something like that. Or they'll do it after a health
• 26:25
  scare and then things get back to normal and then they go back
• 26:29
  to the the same behaviors and it becomes a loop rather than it
• 26:33
  becoming a lifestyle change. So there is such a mindset shift
• 26:38
  that needs to happen. And I'm the person that can draw
• 26:42
  so many parallels to the enslavement period in the United
• 26:45
  States. But like having feeling you
• 26:48
  didn't have room to have feelings.
• 26:50
  Nope. To express them and to express
• 26:52
  them could mean you would could literally be in danger, like
• 26:55
  literally being danger. So we've been taught to suppress
• 27:00
  and we work hard. We suppress what we feel and
• 27:04
  then we don't take care of ourselves because nothing for
• 27:08
  those prior generations was really about them.
• 27:13
  Now that's trickling down till we have a bunch of anxious
• 27:16
  people who are operating like they are fighting for their
• 27:20
  lives or just to stay alive for another day.
• 27:23
  Yes, and that nothing's ever really about you.
• 27:26
  And don't nobody got time for your feelings?
• 27:29
  Nope. And that's not even the reality
• 27:31
  that we're sitting in. This intergenerational trauma at
• 27:34
  its finest. Think about and out
• 27:36
  behaviorally. Think about how much people are
• 27:39
  desensitized, even the violence like.
• 27:41
  Absolutely, I've worked with. Folks in, you know, different
• 27:44
  areas and something will happen. And it doesn't even like, oh, a
• 27:49
  gunshot went off. It doesn't even flinch.
• 27:51
  Just do what you're supposed to do.
• 27:52
  OK, back to normal, right? Sasha It was not until I left
• 27:57
  Racine, it was in the area and I don't, I don't know if it was
• 28:03
  like a holiday or something like New Year's Eve or 4th of July, a
• 28:09
  Big Bang. And I realized I was like, girl,
• 28:11
  you don't hear gunshots anymore. Like and I grew up on the South
• 28:14
  side, but we were on a nice block, right, which don't mean
• 28:18
  nothing really when you think about it means absolutely
• 28:21
  nothing. And I just remember the times
• 28:23
  where I had to hit the floor because I was in the kitchen by
• 28:26
  the window, heard a shot, didn't know where it was coming from,
• 28:29
  hitting the floor Or having to run from the South Side center
• 28:32
  because somebody pulled out a gun or somebody started shooting
• 28:35
  and had to literally just run and not look back.
• 28:37
  Like that was formal state of being that my body was in.
• 28:41
  And there's still people living in that environment.
• 28:45
  Yes, yeah, just as this. And then, you know, you think
• 28:48
  about now the younger generation because of the different video
• 28:52
  games and what they have more access to on TV and online,
• 28:55
  totally desensitized to the trauma or realize some don't
• 28:59
  realize they're in trauma because they're just like, OK, I
• 29:02
  got to fix this first or I have to do this.
• 29:04
  I don't have time. I don't have time mentally to
• 29:07
  stop and and have a cry or to stop and, you know, worry,
• 29:12
  right? But that crash out, that crash
• 29:15
  out takes you out longer. And if you were intentional,
• 29:20
  allowed yourself to have it, the crash out would have never
• 29:22
  happened. What could have been fixed in
• 29:24
  like maybe 10 minutes, Now it's taking you 10 days and lost
• 29:28
  relationships. Or holding it in, like let it
• 29:33
  out. This is that's why you know, a
• 29:35
  therapist is so wonderful because there's no judgement.
• 29:37
  There's you need to let it out to somebody.
• 29:40
  If you don't trust your folks, you don't they, they talk and
• 29:43
  you know, you know, they can't hold hold water.
• 29:46
  Go talk to the therapist. Like my therapist gives me
• 29:49
  assignments. She checks me.
• 29:51
  She make sure OK, you know, you know, it's getting cold
• 29:54
  outstation. Do you have a plan for working
• 29:55
  out? Because you know, you don't like
• 29:56
  going outside in the cold. Is there a plan for that?
• 29:58
  Is there like, you know, get some form of just even
• 30:03
  mindfulness, like how many times have you come home and just sat
• 30:05
  in the car for like 10 minutes for you in the house or, you
• 30:09
  know, just even or going to work sat in the car like or just I
• 30:13
  like I so I had this little thing I would do to destress.
• 30:18
  I was working downtown Chicago and I worked on Watt 180 Wabash.
• 30:24
  So it's like steps away from the Macy's right there.
• 30:27
  OK. And so if I got, I was a vice
• 30:31
  chancellor of the entire District of City Colleges.
• 30:35
  So if I got stressed or just needed a breather, I would walk
• 30:39
  over to Macy's, go to the 4th floor to where the clearance
• 30:43
  shoes were and just try on shoes for like 30 minutes or an hour.
• 30:47
  I might buy something, might not.
• 30:48
  But if I like found a good deal, then I felt, you know, but I
• 30:52
  just needed to not think about anything for that 30 minutes or
• 30:55
  so. And I love shoes.
• 30:56
  So I would go up to that 4th floor to the clearance section
• 31:00
  and try on some shoes. And if I brought a bag back, I
• 31:02
  did. If I didn't, I can now go back
• 31:05
  because I was recalibrated. I could, you know, I was
• 31:07
  refocused and I just needed that little clarity moment.
• 31:11
  And we need those mindful moments throughout the day,
• 31:12
  throughout the week. I had, like I said, I plan my
• 31:15
  paws days. Sometimes, you know, it's
• 31:18
  nothing but be on the couch. Sometimes it's OK.
• 31:20
  I already know I'm going to get a massage or I'm going to do
• 31:22
  some retail therapy. I go to the farmer's market, put
• 31:25
  on a backpack and take a $20 bill and just walk around people
• 31:28
  watch and buy my vegetables. Just, you know, it doesn't have
• 31:31
  to be anything extravagant or expensive.
• 31:34
  You have a garden, Go outside, talk to your garden.
• 31:36
  Yeah, do a puzzle like there. It doesn't have to be, you know,
• 31:38
  we can. We're balling on a budget.
• 31:40
  We can do these things and still have these amazing self-care
• 31:44
  days without it breaking us. Yes.
• 31:48
  So Saisha, you're saying all this?
• 31:49
  I'm like, when you gonna do an event?
• 31:51
  When you gonna do a pause party? Yes, we're here.
• 31:55
  So it's funny because. So I wrote the book.
• 31:58
  Oh, you know what you need to do.
• 32:01
  I want to see a. Collaboration.
• 32:03
  I see a collaboration do a pause.
• 32:09
  How do I want to say pause by pack up and go?
• 32:11
  Yes, yes. Yes.
• 32:13
  Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
• 32:14
  Yes, and I need to come. Yes, because they do so they do,
• 32:19
  they do surprise trips that you can also tell them what city you
• 32:22
  want to. You can just say, Nope, there's
• 32:23
  people coming from different because when I wrote my business
• 32:26
  plan, so it's funny. So I I sent like little girl,
• 32:30
  what's the first thing you tell every entrepreneur you work
• 32:31
  with? Do you have a business plan?
• 32:33
  And I had written mine. So I came home after the Brewer
• 32:36
  game and wrote a 47 page business plan.
• 32:39
  And in my plan with my mid to long term goals is to do a
• 32:41
  pause, a retreat. Yeah.
• 32:45
  Like go to a island or go to Costa Rica or somewhere and do a
• 32:48
  retreat. And in the meantime, between
• 32:51
  time, I was thinking about this year between Christmas and New
• 32:54
  Year, like getting a Airbnb and having a pause pajama party.
• 32:59
  Yes. And you know, because that's
• 33:01
  when you know, most, a lot of people are off between Christmas
• 33:04
  and New Year. We need that break.
• 33:06
  We've been grinding all year. We got to get our mind right for
• 33:08
  the, you know, Q1 for some people have to think about that
• 33:11
  or just the beginning of the year going back.
• 33:13
  And so I was like, wouldn't it be fun to have because I'm also
• 33:17
  in the process of so the book is the book and I wrote the book
• 33:20
  because it was needed, but it's it it's also a platform for me.
• 33:25
  So I've been doing speaking Ganges around it.
• 33:27
  Like I just did one at the better ways to cope conference.
• 33:30
  And I did, I did a talk and it was called beyond the hustle,
• 33:35
  letting rest be your superpower. Love that.
• 33:38
  And I think I saw you post about it.
• 33:40
  Yes, and then I did one for I did another talk for this
• 33:42
  women's group that they were having a day out and I was
• 33:45
  brought one of the people that got brought.
• 33:46
  We were sitting on pillows and just, you know, vibing and
• 33:49
  talking. But I also I'm going to be
• 33:51
  sourcing products from BIPOC and women owned businesses to help
• 33:56
  you with your pause days. Or.
• 33:58
  Yeah. So I'm going to be doing a
• 34:00
  quarterly subscription box to highlight these businesses, but
• 34:04
  to also get your candles, get your aromatherapy.
• 34:08
  They'll be adult coloring books, mandalas, stones, teas, coffees.
• 34:13
  So like I said, it's a platform, but then I want to do the things
• 34:16
  like, like you said, pause days and pause vacations because we
• 34:21
  need them where we just go and get pampered or just, you know,
• 34:26
  people who can relate to what we're going through and having
• 34:28
  the. Yeah.
• 34:30
  Having those pause moments. So that's what the goal really
• 34:33
  is, is to I put that in my business plan is to do these
• 34:36
  like pause events and pause retreats because sometimes we
• 34:40
  won't do it if nobody forces us to.
• 34:42
  And I want to highlight other black businesses love, you know,
• 34:45
  supporting like I have some products I just got in the mail
• 34:48
  now of a husband and wife that started their own skin care
• 34:52
  line. They're out of Green Bay, WI and
• 34:55
  they started a skin care line out of necessity for one of
• 34:57
  their kids. Eczema and now, aha, the husband
• 35:00
  went back to school and learned all the chemistry and everything
• 35:04
  behind it. And now they open their own
• 35:05
  storefront called Favorite Brands.
• 35:07
  So they have beard oils, they have creams, they have
• 35:09
  chapsticks, they have and just amazing.
• 35:12
  In fact, I think I do have. I have.
• 35:16
  Oh yeah, you got to keep. It on deck.
• 35:19
  I do have like their products. They have a turmeric.
• 35:23
  Bait. My favorite brand.
• 35:25
  Them online somewhere. Probably so they are amazing,
• 35:32
  like they have a turmeric face wash just, you know, the all
• 35:38
  natural and then I'm supporting, you know, and then putting, you
• 35:41
  know, supporting a business, you know, a local business because
• 35:44
  these things in the stores, we don't know what's in that stuff.
• 35:47
  But you're done. And when you you can't half
• 35:49
  pronounce it. Exactly.
• 35:52
  But I know them and I know who I'm buying from.
• 35:54
  So I know it's supporting somebody that I believe in.
• 35:57
  And so I have these number of folks that I know locally and as
• 36:01
  well as regionally and nationally that I know.
• 36:03
  I know some black wine makers now I know some.
• 36:06
  So we're I'm going to do a pause pairing where you pick pair wine
• 36:09
  with each chapter. Oh, that's fun.
• 36:14
  A shut up and read event where you know, everybody just comes
• 36:17
  and reads and then we talk about it.
• 36:18
  So there's like, like I said, there's more to this and there's
• 36:21
  going to be so much more. I'm going to be at the Black
• 36:23
  Diamond weekend in Hampton Roads in Hampton, VA in November for
• 36:28
  their Black Diamond Weekend. So I'm going to be a panelist as
• 36:30
  well as I have a booth with my products and the book and some
• 36:33
  other there. I even have AI think she's 8 or
• 36:37
  9. So there's a young lady that
• 36:39
  makes this stress slime and I have her product, yes.
• 36:44
  I love this so much. Yes.
• 36:47
  And I'm hearing so much alignment between what you're
• 36:50
  doing and some of the things that I want to do.
• 36:52
  And I need to get a whole business plan together.
• 36:54
  Like I said, God been giving me all these ideas and I'm like,
• 36:57
  can't do them all at once. So yeah, like I definitely can
• 37:02
  see us doing some some more work together, like some in person
• 37:05
  stuff for sure, because it's it's the same type of things and
• 37:09
  we're in different areas. So that's cross exposure.
• 37:12
  Yes, both of us. Yes, absolutely.
• 37:15
  I love it. I love the idea.
• 37:18
  So what are some small pauses that people can start practicing
• 37:22
  today? Like I said, sometimes you get
• 37:25
  home and maybe you don't have a long commute, so that extra 10
• 37:29
  minutes in the car just to breathe, relax before you go in
• 37:32
  the house. Whatever your hobby is, I love
• 37:37
  to cook. And so, you know, everyday
• 37:39
  cooking that's but I love, I'm a foodie.
• 37:41
  So I love like recreating recipes that I see online.
• 37:44
  And so sometimes I turn up my, you know, turn up apple, apple
• 37:49
  at my iTunes. I have that playlist and I just
• 37:51
  get to chopping and dancing and singing and praising and then
• 37:55
  just, you know, and then I have this new dish and that's, that
• 38:00
  was a stress relief for me. Working out can be a stress
• 38:03
  release. Like I said, some things we, we
• 38:06
  don't have to wait till a pause day.
• 38:08
  We do need to have mindful moments.
• 38:10
  Yes. I have you know, I have a few
• 38:13
  journals. I also have some pamphlets that
• 38:16
  I read like I have for my church where the daily daily Bible
• 38:19
  verse and lesson with it just to take that time.
• 38:22
  I even the way I start and this is how crazy it is.
• 38:26
  So you know, there's algorithms and there's a gentleman out of
• 38:30
  Texas called the snap doc. I don't know if you've heard of
• 38:33
  him. So he's a African American ENT
• 38:37
  doctor, but he does these amazing prayers to start the
• 38:40
  day. And so now have you seen him is
• 38:45
  this? I may have.
• 38:47
  He just does. He's in his scrubs and all of
• 38:48
  that. You can see him in there in the
• 38:50
  room property. Just does his prayer then.
• 38:52
  I didn't realize that was his name.
• 38:54
  Yes. And so the way my life works,
• 38:57
  when I open my phone in the morning, I open Instagram, his
• 39:00
  prayer is the first thing that pops up on my phone.
• 39:02
  So I have no TV on. I close my eyes as if I'm in the
• 39:06
  room with him and I receive his prayer.
• 39:08
  And that's how that's how I start my day, you know, So
• 39:12
  there's these and then, you know, there's these mindful
• 39:14
  moments that you can do even like I said, I would go and try
• 39:18
  on shoes during the pandemic. I would go outside and talk to
• 39:20
  my garden. Yeah, walk down the block.
• 39:24
  We're not bought on a budget. Take $20 and go to the dollar
• 39:27
  store. You know how much stuff you can
• 39:28
  get in the dollar store for $20? Well, it's the Dollar 25 store
• 39:32
  now, but you can still get a lot.
• 39:33
  Exactly, you know, and, and go, you know, go, go get a pedicure.
• 39:40
  There's just so many things. Go see a movie.
• 39:41
  But you know what? And the one thing I did find out
• 39:43
  by taking that solo trip is I'm a damn good time by myself.
• 39:46
  Like I'm a yeah, take yourself to dinner and don't worry about
• 39:51
  people looking at you because a lot of people are doing it now.
• 39:53
  Like take yourself to dinner, take yourself to the movies and
• 39:56
  enjoy it without having to make small talk or make sure
• 39:59
  everybody's OK. And I order, I order a whole
• 40:03
  people probably think there's more people coming because I
• 40:05
  order a whole bunch of poops. I love tapas style.
• 40:07
  So I'll just order a whole bunch of stuff knowing I'm going to
• 40:10
  take it home. And just, you know, if nothing
• 40:14
  else, turn off your phone, turn off your laptop.
• 40:18
  Put it on do not disturb and lay on the couch and watch mindless
• 40:22
  TV or catch up. Like catch up on some shows like
• 40:26
  I DVR everything so I just don't watch TV till like 10:00 at
• 40:28
  night. Catch up on your shows or watch
• 40:30
  some movies that you heard about but you you haven't had a chance
• 40:33
  and just sit on the couch. Get your snacks.
• 40:35
  You know this is your cheat day. Right now, this, and just to be
• 40:39
  clear, this is for people who are always on.
• 40:41
  We're not just encouraging people to be on the couch all
• 40:44
  the time. It's balanced because somebody
• 40:46
  gonna be like, well, Doctor Station, say here I could.
• 40:51
  Disclaimer. Because if you already doing
• 40:54
  this, you don't need to add more.
• 40:56
  No, and I do it like. We'll have a different episode
• 40:59
  for you. Exactly.
• 41:00
  And I do it like anywhere from, you know, 4 every four to six
• 41:03
  weeks or so. Or I plan it knowing like for
• 41:05
  instance, we know that sometimes like if we have a huge event
• 41:08
  coming up, right, we know it's going to be maybe in grind
• 41:12
  season. So plan it for after that event
• 41:15
  is over to make sure you have that day set aside that you know
• 41:20
  that's what's going to happen because you already know what
• 41:22
  your body's in your mind's gone through and your stressors.
• 41:27
  So plan, you know, plan ahead of time or just because we know
• 41:31
  you, we know our bodies and we know our minds.
• 41:34
  We know that every so many weeks or you know, and watch, you
• 41:37
  know, believe it or not, watch the weather and the moon and all
• 41:42
  these things as well. Because like we're I'm in
• 41:45
  Wisconsin, we're about to be snowed in and dark outside.
• 41:51
  So I have to make sure now since I'm not getting natural vitamin
• 41:54
  D, then I have to take a supplement because we also need.
• 41:58
  Or sit outside for maybe 10 minutes if you can, depending on
• 42:02
  the temperatures. And so we have to watch the
• 42:05
  weather. We have to watch that stuff.
• 42:06
  You know, people always say weird things happen during the
• 42:08
  full moon in the Redwood. It's true.
• 42:10
  Anybody that worse in the hospital knows, you know, So
• 42:14
  just be mindful of, you know, your scenarios, where you're at,
• 42:18
  what you have going on, how much time like I wear smart watch and
• 42:24
  after I had a scare and so I will always wear a smart watch
• 42:28
  because my smart watch is what triggered me to go to the ER in
• 42:31
  Jamaica because it was telling me my body, it was telling me my
• 42:35
  resting heart rate was 120. So left for Jamaica on Friday,
• 42:38
  end up in the Jamaican hospital on Sunday.
• 42:40
  I was dehydrated, my blood pressure spiked.
• 42:45
  Turns out when I got home I found out I had pneumonia.
• 42:47
  But I so that Spike was your your, your body fighting
• 42:51
  pneumonia. Yes, because when we're in fight
• 42:55
  or flight all the time, so that when I got to Jamaica, when my
• 42:59
  body, I was rested. And it's like, you know, so we
• 43:02
  have to listen to our bodies. So we know every so often and
• 43:05
  the shift of the seasons and all these things, events going on,
• 43:10
  taking care of our loved ones, you know, and there's we have to
• 43:14
  make sure that we get out of this caretaker guilt too,
• 43:16
  because again, we can't do anything for them if we are laid
• 43:20
  up somewhere to. Yeah.
• 43:23
  You know, it's like blind leading the blind, but it's, you
• 43:26
  know, being very limited. There's so much good stuff that
• 43:30
  you said in there about how easy it is taking that 10 minutes to
• 43:35
  do whatever. And these are things that
• 43:37
  require you to have more money. As much as it is, I think a big
• 43:42
  block is mentally for people, yes, that guilt.
• 43:45
  So like not just caregiver guilt, but just me taking time
• 43:50
  for me is somehow taking away from someone else.
• 43:53
  That mindset shift is so hard because you're going against,
• 43:58
  yes, so many years of programming and everything.
• 44:01
  You've seen your aunties, big Mamas group, you know, everybody
• 44:05
  doing all of these things that that's not the way it's done.
• 44:08
  But you can look at people and see that they're unhealthy.
• 44:13
  You can see that they're burned out.
• 44:15
  And I'm going to say this, we don't know how to mind our
• 44:18
  business. No, no.
• 44:20
  We don't know how to mind our business and we think that we're
• 44:25
  helping people. And then we'll say, well, I just
• 44:27
  want to make sure you ain't da da, da, da da, no mind your
• 44:30
  business. And sometimes people do need to
• 44:32
  learn their lesson. Not saying that you're going to
• 44:34
  just allow them to walk into oncoming traffic.
• 44:39
  Because then it becomes your problem, then becomes your
• 44:42
  problem, or you think it's your problem, or because you've done
• 44:44
  so much for them, then you're enabling.
• 44:47
  So their problem is going to continue to be your problem,
• 44:49
  right? And that's just a cycle that we
• 44:51
  have to, we have to break. And even if we can get others to
• 44:55
  see it in US, I think about that model.
• 44:57
  Yeah. I think about a friend of mine,
• 45:00
  we are both setting up, I have a photo booth business as well,
• 45:03
  and we're both setting up an event.
• 45:04
  He was setting up their wine. I was setting up my booth and he
• 45:08
  recognized and I was also on the committee that was running the
• 45:10
  event for Big Brothers Big Sister.
• 45:12
  And because he knows me, he recognized that I needed a break
• 45:16
  from people. And so like because people kept
• 45:19
  on coming up to me and he just took me to the sites like they
• 45:21
  should come here for a little bit.
• 45:22
  And he took me over to where I could be by myself, let my
• 45:25
  social battery rejuvenate so that I can be on for the rest of
• 45:29
  the night. So we need those people, but
• 45:32
  also we need to recognize it in our self.
• 45:34
  Like just like you said, let them be.
• 45:37
  No is A and it's not that we're not going to help them if and
• 45:41
  when we can, but some things, like you said, people need to
• 45:43
  work out themselves and we can't, you know, we can't be
• 45:47
  superwoman. You know, sometimes we got to
• 45:49
  take off our Cape and put it, you know, take the dry cleaner
• 45:53
  and wait for it to come back. I don't want to Cape.
• 45:57
  Look, I don't want to Cape anymore.
• 45:58
  I don't, I don't want to make anybody's superhero, honestly.
• 46:02
  And you're getting to something really important is because
• 46:06
  people have been so used to not having boundaries and that doing
• 46:10
  for others is selfless and doing for you is selfish.
• 46:14
  And there's a whole lot in between those two that they they
• 46:17
  don't recognize their own pattern.
• 46:20
  And to two Pauls to say this is what I need or to recognize, I'm
• 46:25
  actually taking away from the moment with my energy.
• 46:30
  It's actually drawing from the group, from the event, or I'm
• 46:36
  just depositing negativity. And it's just like, go, please
• 46:40
  go sit down somewhere. We don't.
• 46:41
  We don't. We don't want you here.
• 46:43
  Not like this. No, because when you're rest,
• 46:45
  like you said, it's really anxiety and when you're rested
• 46:48
  and you know all that is and then you can recognize in
• 46:51
  yourself too. Like I recognize the one day in
• 46:53
  myself when some I'm somewhere and somebody was giving some
• 46:58
  directions for something. The way she did it, she was like
• 47:00
  very short with the person and I was like, that's me.
• 47:03
  I now I know what I look like when I did that.
• 47:07
  I can't do that. That was me.
• 47:10
  OK, that's and that's what God will do.
• 47:13
  And you know, I had this revelation.
• 47:15
  I was working with the client and we were talking about
• 47:18
  anxiety and how it shows up and like Black women in particular,
• 47:22
  and even how we're programmed because we're modeling what
• 47:26
  we've learned from the women who've come before us.
• 47:29
  And I was like, yo, we can't really be Proverbs 31 women if
• 47:36
  we're minding everybody else's business and we're the one
• 47:39
  bringing the chaos into the home.
• 47:41
  We're hitting the door and looking for what people didn't
• 47:45
  do in the house. Why my house dirty?
• 47:47
  Why is this like this? Why?
• 47:49
  Why you take the chicken out? Did you're supposed to bring the
• 47:52
  peace and you come in with the chaos?
• 47:55
  You come in citing all the problems.
• 47:58
  Yes. And we don't even know that
• 48:00
  we're doing it because we're just repeating what we lived,
• 48:04
  what we were supposed to, and not ever really truly thinking
• 48:08
  and assessing to look around to see that's not really working.
• 48:13
  And they and, and, and my parents, parents for the simple
• 48:17
  fact not knowing any better. They, like you said, it's just
• 48:19
  generationally passed down, passed down, passed down.
• 48:22
  They didn't know any better. Like I tell the my nieces and
• 48:25
  nephews, I, I watch my mom with them and she's very affectionate
• 48:29
  with them. And I was like, growing up, she
• 48:31
  was in fight or flight. I don't remember the affection I
• 48:34
  got from my grandparents. She was a survival one.
• 48:38
  Yes, yes. Raising 2 black men.
• 48:43
  Yes, yes. And so to get out of that
• 48:46
  survival mode, that's why. And two, you think about it, you
• 48:50
  know, as parents and whenever you snapped at your child, you
• 48:53
  realize, Oh my goodness, I brought everything from the
• 48:56
  outside world in here. And this child didn't even like
• 48:59
  what they did. OK, maybe they did something
• 49:00
  wrong, but they didn't deserve the way I just yelled at them.
• 49:04
  Yes, and I need to take a step. Back and when at 10 minutes in
• 49:09
  the car could have allowed you to reset and there's a lack of
• 49:13
  self compassion yes that is there because then you're like
• 49:17
  no no no they're waiting for me they need me they're they're
• 49:19
  depending on me Dang was all right before you got there they
• 49:22
  will be OK for another 10 minutes they are not unattended
• 49:26
  they're not out on somebody live.
• 49:28
  I'm right here. They in the house they secure
• 49:32
  and you know about take the long way home.
• 49:35
  Think about too, even professionally or instead of
• 49:39
  reacting right away to an e-mail and you like the Kermit to throw
• 49:41
  on that. No sheep didn't.
• 49:43
  What if you took a pause yeah before responding because maybe
• 49:47
  you might be creating more. Like you said, you might be
• 49:49
  creating more chaos by having to respond in the moment instead of
• 49:53
  sitting back for a second and just letting it be a draft.
• 49:56
  Or yes. Let's not even do e-mail or
• 49:58
  text. Let's pick up the phone and call
• 50:00
  because there's so many things lost in translation.
• 50:02
  Why don't we talk this out so we don't talk anymore people,
• 50:06
  really. Don't.
• 50:06
  And then there's we get it wrong because if we already have
• 50:09
  something going on, our filter may be clogged up with other
• 50:13
  stuff. And so things that normally are
• 50:15
  supposed to sift through or go through, they get stuck.
• 50:19
  Yes, that wasn't even supposed to set you off, but that's
• 50:22
  because things are out of balance.
• 50:25
  And they be out of balance at home or at work and one both of
• 50:28
  them kind of like that's why I said I don't subscribe to the
• 50:31
  balance. I supply to the integration
• 50:33
  because they do affect each other.
• 50:37
  Yes, yes, yes. OK, OK.
• 50:41
  This and that might not happen over, you know, some people the
• 50:43
  first time you pause, it might be feel weird, like you say, you
• 50:46
  might feel like, oh, I know they're waiting on that e-mail
• 50:47
  for me. Guess what?
• 50:48
  That e-mail is going to be there unless it's detrimental or
• 50:51
  there's a deadline, you know, and those mindful moments.
• 50:55
  It can even be like I said, it can be something simple as
• 51:00
  getting a stress ball and just figuring out what's going to
• 51:04
  help you. Or I found this new thing.
• 51:08
  Have you heard about the aromatherapy pens?
• 51:11
  It's a ink pen, but it's got aromatherapy top to it, so you
• 51:13
  can be writing and then. That is genius because you can
• 51:19
  keep working. They've done a great job of
• 51:22
  pairing it with something that you already do.
• 51:25
  Like it's, it's a trigger for it to make it in a positive way.
• 51:29
  Like it's a way to make you so because like things like citrus,
• 51:33
  peppermint, lavender, those are really good.
• 51:36
  But lavender, that's going to take me down.
• 51:37
  But productivity. Oh yes, when you're like writing
• 51:40
  something, thinking about like at work while you're being
• 51:43
  productive, absolutely Jazz men that are going to support that.
• 51:47
  Yes, yes. So.
• 51:50
  I'm actually working with a woman, her company name is Mia
• 51:53
  Rose, and she's created some rest and relax oils and sugar
• 51:59
  scrubs and things for our partnership, as well as like
• 52:04
  abundance oil that you put in your hands.
• 52:07
  And, and you know, we, we got to, we got to go, you know,
• 52:11
  pitch to this company. I remember my abundance oil,
• 52:13
  right? So she's so we're partnering and
• 52:17
  like she, she's just some, some gift sets for me and she's got
• 52:20
  stuff for men, for women and things that can also help with
• 52:24
  your skin care because she's another one.
• 52:25
  She's in the mental health space, but she started this
• 52:27
  because of her own. She's originally from Hawaii and
• 52:29
  she started her own because of her eczema and different skin
• 52:32
  issues and she didn't want to use what the doctor prescribing.
• 52:35
  And when I tell you I had about with it and I used her, it was
• 52:39
  called the winter scrub. It's called sweater weather was
• 52:41
  one of them. She created use on your face you
• 52:44
  can use on your body. So think about have you heard
• 52:48
  about this new kind of thing called dark showering?
• 52:50
  So shower in the dark, maybe some music on because it can
• 52:56
  again, it's going to relax you. It's somewhat of a sensory
• 53:01
  deprivation. Yes, I got it.
• 53:04
  And then get get one little shower.
• 53:06
  Have you tried the shower steamers yet?
• 53:08
  Here's another mindful moment. Oh yeah, I like those.
• 53:10
  Yeah, you just so get you a. Shower.
• 53:12
  Yes, get you a shower. Steamer you can get you some
• 53:14
  ukulele, hang it in there. Yes.
• 53:17
  And let that. So again, those are just mine
• 53:22
  like those things don't cost a lot.
• 53:25
  It doesn't take a lot of effort. The chaos can be going out with
• 53:28
  the kids killing each other out there, but in that 15 minutes
• 53:31
  you can have that that shower by yourself.
• 53:33
  They just sound like they're killing each other.
• 53:35
  Exactly, but you know, these little things that you know
• 53:39
  people are discovering, like when I discovered the the shower
• 53:42
  steamers, I was just like, because I'm not, I'm not a bad
• 53:44
  I'm not. I don't take baths, but I love a
• 53:46
  long shower. Let the water hit my face with
• 53:48
  that steamer up the game game changer.
• 53:52
  I just take it in and again, something that's a mindful
• 53:56
  moment, me pausing, I get my best ideas in the shower and I
• 54:00
  know it's because I'm relaxed, I'm calm.
• 54:03
  Like I keep my phone or a notebook or something near the
• 54:06
  bathroom or near my bedroom because I get my best ideas in
• 54:09
  the shower. Yeah, that makes sense.
• 54:12
  We let everything go and like, we're literally washing things
• 54:15
  away. Like there's so many reasons why
• 54:18
  because you're just, yeah, you're able to just, like, just
• 54:21
  be. And this is so important.
• 54:23
  Give yourself your own facial. Yes, all these things, right.
• 54:27
  And I think too, people think that self-care, we have to go
• 54:30
  book an appointment for a lot of things and it's stuff that we
• 54:33
  can do on a daily basis. Or some people they they won't
• 54:37
  allow themselves because then they'll say, well, I want it
• 54:40
  this way. So then, so you'll take nothing,
• 54:45
  you'll take nothing. Or you think you're.
• 54:46
  Taking like you said before that you want.
• 54:48
  You think you're taking away from somebody else, but no take
• 54:52
  do you like take care of? You deserve it.
• 54:56
  You just absolutely deserve. It you just hit it.
• 55:00
  So somewhere in there, a lot of times there is a core belief
• 55:05
  that has not really truly been acknowledged or labeled about
• 55:10
  deserving worthiness. Yes, you've given all you got.
• 55:16
  You know what I mean? That is a luxury, yes.
• 55:20
  Well, you bougie now because you do that.
• 55:22
  No, baby, I'm taking care. I want to be here for a while.
• 55:25
  I want to see, you know, some things.
• 55:28
  I want to travel. I want to, you know, I just want
• 55:32
  to enjoy my life and be healthy doing it mentally, physically,
• 55:37
  and that's seriously. Financially.
• 55:39
  OK, you know, and all our stressors, like, you know,
• 55:42
  finances and things. Let's get some better
• 55:44
  relationships with money. Let's get better relationships
• 55:46
  with our mental health. Because once you understand it
• 55:49
  better, I feel like you do better too.
• 55:50
  Like, you know, I, you know, I've always been great.
• 55:54
  But once you learn about retirement and balling on it,
• 56:00
  but like how to do these things right?
• 56:04
  There's so many ways people think, man, you in here and you
• 56:07
  travel so much. You must be You make us because
• 56:10
  you make all that money. Are you rich?
• 56:13
  And it's like, no, Oh, I saw you wearing that.
• 56:15
  No, there's called resale shops. There's there's.
• 56:19
  There's so much, but also, I don't think people so like the
• 56:23
  places that people feel like they always need to go.
• 56:25
  New York, Miami, LA and then of course, people love Jamaica too,
• 56:31
  right? But those in Las Vegas?
• 56:35
  Yes, and in Atlanta? Yeah, even Atlanta, it's so much
• 56:40
  more expensive to go to those places than to go out of the
• 56:44
  country. But people just assume because
• 56:47
  they won't allow themselves to look.
• 56:49
  It's already outside of what they can do.
• 56:52
  My team to Belize was 370. Yeah, I was going to say
• 56:57
  probably under 300. Yeah, I've gone a couple times
• 57:00
  to Belize. Love it.
• 57:02
  And then even some of these other places like if you're
• 57:05
  going to the continent or say you're going to like Thailand,
• 57:08
  those tickets might run you like 1200.
• 57:11
  You can get it even cheaper depending on what season you're
• 57:13
  going. But when you get there.
• 57:16
  It's so cheap. You can do five star things on a
• 57:22
  budget. Let me tell you, when I was in
• 57:24
  Thailand, we went to multiple Michelin star restaurants.
• 57:29
  Absolutely. Only spent like $100 and
• 57:33
  something and this would have been like a $500 meal here, yes.
• 57:38
  First time I had caviar was in Belize.
• 57:40
  It was awesome sushi. There you go.
• 57:43
  Like there you go. Literally we it was a birthday
• 57:48
  and had a chef come to the house.
• 57:51
  Three courses, $200 total. And that's the type of stuff you
• 57:55
  can do. Have the chef come to the house.
• 57:58
  How much was it again? 200 dollars $210.00.
• 58:02
  There you go. Three courses and two of them
• 58:04
  had seafood in them. We got a boat when island
• 58:07
  happened. They our boat driver cooked us
• 58:09
  fresh fish on the island and had these fresh tortillas and they
• 58:13
  took us rid of the turtles were like.
• 58:15
  It's a whole other life to be lived, yes.
• 58:19
  And people, they just don't allow themselves in.
• 58:24
  They're caught up in that cycle where they're they're moving and
• 58:28
  they're not going. They're not going forward, but
• 58:30
  they're moving. Or this is my issue or they're
• 58:35
  putting it on for the gram? Then there's that or they're
• 58:37
  literally putting it on because they're wearing every single
• 58:40
  dollar. Or having thinking they're too
• 58:42
  impressed? Or is it like like sometimes you
• 58:44
  just need mindful moments? There's been times I went place
• 58:46
  people like you didn't post a picture about it.
• 58:47
  Oh, you know what? I was caught like I was.
• 58:50
  We was having such a good time. Didn't get a chance to take a
• 58:52
  picture. Yep.
• 58:55
  Listen, because I'm not doing it to impress.
• 58:57
  I'm doing it because this is this is the things I like to do.
• 59:00
  Exactly. Hold on one second.
• 59:03
  We talking Good. I have to let my next guest
• 59:04
  know. Give us an extra 10 minutes.
• 59:06
  Thank you. Because I was just looking at
• 59:08
  the time, I said we got to move, so this is good.
• 59:11
  So it sounds like we could travel together station because
• 59:13
  I'm listening like all this stuff.
• 59:15
  I was like, yes, that's all the stuff.
• 59:16
  I'd like having those just fresh and just like moments that you
• 59:21
  could only have being somewhere else.
• 59:24
  So when we were in, I think it was Jamaica, for my brother's
• 59:27
  birthday, me and my cousin did a couple's massage because it was
• 59:30
  cheaper than one-on-one and I know they looked at us like are
• 59:35
  they a couple of it? We didn't care.
• 59:38
  Then in Belize, I got a $50 massage on the beach overlooking
• 59:43
  the water and our massage for $50.
• 59:46
  So I think you gave some great tips for anyone, whether they're
• 59:49
  a caregiver, leader, a higher high achiever, on how they can
• 59:52
  incorporate some rest. How does a lack of rest impact
• 59:56
  mental health and relationships? You got it this a little bit.
• 1:00:01
  Right, Yes, it impacts like you said, not resting that anxiety.
• 1:00:06
  So even I had to learn about the blue light, right?
• 1:00:09
  About taking my phone and turning it off at least an hour
• 1:00:13
  before going to bed because it was just so easy for me to pick
• 1:00:16
  it back up or a notification go off.
• 1:00:18
  And then I'm going to respond no, at least 30 minutes before
• 1:00:22
  you go to bed. Because then that anxiety hits
• 1:00:26
  when you're not sleeping. And then when you you're not
• 1:00:28
  well rested, then you're grumpy in the morning.
• 1:00:30
  Then you're going to take that grumpiness with you to your
• 1:00:33
  parents, to your kids, to whomever, your spouse, your
• 1:00:35
  significant other. Then it's going to get taken to
• 1:00:37
  work because you just got in an argument over bacon with one of
• 1:00:40
  the kids. And so it's cyclical, right?
• 1:00:44
  It's cyclical. And so it can help, it can harm
• 1:00:47
  personal relationships, professional relationships, you
• 1:00:50
  know, with your, your life partner.
• 1:00:52
  And then you have to recognize them both of you.
• 1:00:54
  Like, you know what, I need a break.
• 1:00:56
  I need, I need a break, right? Because it's, there's going to
• 1:00:59
  impact. And then when you're not getting
• 1:01:00
  the sleep or when you're burned out or stressed out, it's
• 1:01:03
  causing all these things like you, acne, heart attacks,
• 1:01:07
  stroke, high blood pressure, stress eating.
• 1:01:11
  And what happens when you stress eat you?
• 1:01:13
  Gain weight and then your cortisol level is up, so that's
• 1:01:16
  double for weight. Or, you know, you become
• 1:01:20
  diabetic because also now you're eating like there's so many
• 1:01:23
  things that are stressed induced.
• 1:01:26
  And then sometimes, like, I remember being on another
• 1:01:28
  conversation where we we were like, well, yes, there's a lot
• 1:01:31
  of diseases that are hereditary, but sometimes it's not the
• 1:01:33
  disease that's hereditary. It's our lifestyle and our
• 1:01:35
  diabetes. Savior.
• 1:01:37
  Yeah, because all we know is going to big is we used to go to
• 1:01:41
  my grandma's house every Friday of her fish fry.
• 1:01:42
  We had spaghetti, catfish, chocolate cake.
• 1:01:45
  I'm so hungry, you know. But these are this is what we
• 1:01:50
  ate, you know, all is everything was fried, everything was, you
• 1:01:54
  know that. But again, like you said,
• 1:01:57
  ancestrally, this is our ancestral memory because we we
• 1:02:00
  took the worst of what they gave us and made a delicacy out of
• 1:02:03
  it. Because I don't know why anybody
• 1:02:05
  is by choice eating chitlins, pig feet, tripe, all these
• 1:02:09
  things. Oxtails by choice.
• 1:02:13
  But oxtails is so good. I'm not eating meat anymore but
• 1:02:17
  oxtail is so good. You're absolutely right.
• 1:02:21
  But all these things just, you know, we did have a necessity.
• 1:02:28
  And then of course, generationally it gets passed
• 1:02:31
  down even stressors like stress about just any and all things.
• 1:02:36
  Our kids see it. And again, if we don't show them
• 1:02:40
  healthy relationships between US and their like think about if
• 1:02:44
  you're Co parenting. Yeah, a lot of times Co parents
• 1:02:47
  we really ain't got to as let's like we don't live together.
• 1:02:52
  The child is much. Arguing because it ain't
• 1:02:54
  resolved. Y'all ain't saying what y'all
• 1:02:56
  really want to say. And why have that anxiety like
• 1:02:58
  oh OK, he's coming to pick up. What is it going to be today
• 1:03:04
  when that doesn't have to be? We don't have no child support
• 1:03:06
  to argue over. We don't have no why are to Co
• 1:03:10
  parent. We need to let that child see a
• 1:03:12
  healthy Co parenting relationship or even in the
• 1:03:15
  home. They need to see a healthy how
• 1:03:17
  we communicate. Like that's one thing I never
• 1:03:20
  believed in. It is arguing in front of kids
• 1:03:22
  because fun. They don't need to hear it or
• 1:03:24
  see it. It's not healthy.
• 1:03:25
  It's not healthy for you. Like, let's take it down, right?
• 1:03:29
  But we need to show them what healthy relationships look like.
• 1:03:33
  Now, on the other side of that, we want to so I agree with you
• 1:03:36
  right, depending on where you say argument, I'm thinking about
• 1:03:38
  like the big crazy blowouts, but like to see or hear a
• 1:03:42
  disagreement and then see y'all work through it is extremely
• 1:03:46
  healthy. Yes, and people that either see
• 1:03:49
  they see the chaos or they see nothing.
• 1:03:52
  And so then when they they don't, then they avoid and they
• 1:03:55
  don't know how to work through conflict together.
• 1:03:58
  Without helping conference. And yes.
• 1:04:01
  But they screaming at the top of the lungs and the it's, it's,
• 1:04:04
  it's scary and sometimes it scares too.
• 1:04:06
  Much it is. It is.
• 1:04:08
  It's. Yeah.
• 1:04:08
  Because kids are in there having anxiety, so now their nervous
• 1:04:12
  systems are being activated and they're just in the other room
• 1:04:15
  and that's scared to come out mode.
• 1:04:17
  Their fight or fly mode is being activated like it's it's all
• 1:04:21
  connected. And then you see that school and
• 1:04:23
  then it's affecting them at school.
• 1:04:24
  Like there was a firefighter, African American firefighter, I
• 1:04:29
  think it's battalion sheep or something in Milwaukee.
• 1:04:31
  And he did some amazing work where he compared the kids
• 1:04:39
  there, some of the kids at the local elementary school, their
• 1:04:43
  behavior records to police calls and fire calls.
• 1:04:48
  Yeah. And and how they affected each
• 1:04:51
  other, like the child acted out in school.
• 1:04:53
  But just that week, there have been a trauma call to their
• 1:04:55
  block or there've been a gunshot on that, you know, there been a
• 1:04:57
  shooting on their block or their parents.
• 1:04:59
  And he showed where they, where they, you know, where they met
• 1:05:04
  at and where they collated. And this is so again, bringing
• 1:05:08
  trying to bring more mental health into the schools for the
• 1:05:11
  kids and for the families. Yeah, that's so good.
• 1:05:16
  It's just something he did on his own, you know, but much
• 1:05:18
  needed. That's the whole.
• 1:05:19
  Thing yeah. And so that This is why God
• 1:05:22
  positions us in so many places to see things that care about
• 1:05:26
  things and have that lens and we all have something to offer.
• 1:05:31
  But if we're not taking pauses and we're bogged down and we're
• 1:05:34
  stuck on the hamster wheel or on the treadmill, we can't find
• 1:05:41
  room for purpose. No, because we're and we not
• 1:05:46
  minding our business. No, because think about, I
• 1:05:49
  thought about that like with my one job, I was changing roles
• 1:05:54
  and I had to pause and take a break between roles because I
• 1:05:57
  had never taken a break between roles before.
• 1:05:59
  I just went into the next one. When is the next one and not
• 1:06:03
  stopping and making sure like you said, is this still my
• 1:06:05
  purpose? Is this still the purpose for my
• 1:06:06
  life? Is this still my goal?
• 1:06:08
  Like do I even want to do this particular thing anymore?
• 1:06:10
  Do I want to be pigeonholed into this type of work?
• 1:06:14
  So even taking. Out you got to work exactly and
• 1:06:17
  that's what we say instead of thinking we just say I have to
• 1:06:21
  keep going you you can actually give yourself the freedom to
• 1:06:25
  think through it. It's not a commitment, it's not
• 1:06:28
  you saying no, but some people they just in order to.
• 1:06:32
  Persevere you. Don't know how to.
• 1:06:34
  Oh my God, yes. But in order to persevere, you
• 1:06:37
  have to pause. There has to be a pause and a
• 1:06:39
  pivot or a pause and a redirection or a pause.
• 1:06:42
  And they're like, OK, you know what?
• 1:06:43
  Things are going well, we, I can start back now because I've got
• 1:06:46
  the clarification that I needed. You have to listen to that still
• 1:06:48
  small voice, right? And listen.
• 1:06:51
  We're so far removed from it. They hear, they hear other
• 1:06:55
  people's voice. They hear the programming that
• 1:06:58
  those awful things that were said to them and whatever
• 1:07:01
  unhealthy relationships they were in, whether it was with
• 1:07:04
  their parents, friendships, romantic caregivers, teachers,
• 1:07:07
  whatever coaches, there's so many other voices.
• 1:07:12
  People, really, that pause is where you get in touch by
• 1:07:15
  yourself, those quiet moments alone.
• 1:07:19
  In the shower. We're taught, we're taught to
• 1:07:22
  fear these things, though. We're taught to fear these
• 1:07:25
  things. Because we're scared of the
• 1:07:27
  unknown, right? Because our parents worked their
• 1:07:30
  job for 3035 years, the same company never, you know, never
• 1:07:36
  questioned the job. Never.
• 1:07:38
  And they still complained that did not.
• 1:07:40
  That did not change much. And we don't instead.
• 1:07:43
  Of that venturing. Out exactly.
• 1:07:45
  Instead of venturing out and being like you know what, yes
• 1:07:47
  this has been a good job, but I want to do something different
• 1:07:50
  now. Yep.
• 1:07:52
  I want to do something else. And then a job is not your
• 1:07:56
  purpose. A lot of times people will
• 1:07:58
  really take a paycheck over purpose.
• 1:08:00
  But your purpose, like your talents, your purpose, they will
• 1:08:04
  make room for you. Absolutely.
• 1:08:07
  When they're supposed to. Everything's not happening in
• 1:08:09
  God's timing. Absolutely, just like my book.
• 1:08:12
  Two years ago, I would have been a goodness.
• 1:08:14
  It would have been a hot mess. But me being at the right place
• 1:08:17
  in the right time to have somebody.
• 1:08:19
  The way her name came up was sitting on a beach just having
• 1:08:25
  girl chat and talking about our bucket lists.
• 1:08:27
  And the book I want to do a Ted Talk was on my bucket list and
• 1:08:30
  the book was on my bucket list. And my girlfriend said, oh,
• 1:08:33
  well, I have this, this lady, she was a former student of mine
• 1:08:36
  and she does this, she does that and she gave me her information.
• 1:08:39
  And then like I said again, I didn't do anything that her card
• 1:08:42
  came back up and I was like, I need to make my appointment.
• 1:08:45
  And then I almost missed the appointment because I forgot.
• 1:08:47
  I didn't put on my calendar. It was a Saturday morning.
• 1:08:50
  I forgot and I was like, oh, I have this call with her and
• 1:08:53
  then. The way the Spirit will nudge
• 1:08:55
  you. And she recently moved from her
• 1:08:59
  and her husband move the family from Milwaukee to Mount
• 1:09:01
  Pleasant. So she's in racing her practice.
• 1:09:04
  Her practice is in Milwaukee, but they live out in Jamestown.
• 1:09:08
  I meant to get her information and see what the price is
• 1:09:10
  looking like offline because I thrive in accountability.
• 1:09:13
  I can do something that great things on my own.
• 1:09:16
  But like, yes, just that extra push.
• 1:09:18
  Yeah. OK, so we're kind of going in
• 1:09:22
  this direction already, but what role does faith play in
• 1:09:27
  embracing rest as a part of a purposeful life?
• 1:09:30
  So we talked about, like I said, being spiritually fed and being
• 1:09:34
  spiritually rested and being spiritually grounded, right?
• 1:09:38
  And sometimes it's the faith that helps us get over the fear
• 1:09:43
  of, well, if I don't do this right now, what's going to
• 1:09:46
  happen, right? But it's also the faith to teach
• 1:09:49
  us that, like I said, rest is biblical.
• 1:09:52
  Yes, it is. You know, O ye of little faith,
• 1:09:55
  when like when Jesus on the back of the boat and he the boat was
• 1:09:58
  just, what was he doing? He was sleeping.
• 1:10:02
  Jesus was chilling. Because he knew it was about to
• 1:10:04
  come. He knew that that storm had to
• 1:10:06
  come. And then we woke up.
• 1:10:08
  What happened? You know, you think about when
• 1:10:15
  you know, even you're spring preparing yourself.
• 1:10:19
  So you think about the same the story of David and Goliath,
• 1:10:21
  right? As the story goes, you know,
• 1:10:24
  David had three stones and people are like, oh, he had them
• 1:10:28
  because you know, what if he missed, right?
• 1:10:33
  No, he had three stones because he knew Goliath had two
• 1:10:35
  brothers. That's so good Stacia, I never
• 1:10:40
  thought of that. And think about it, think about
• 1:10:44
  Southside. If you going to fight me, you
• 1:10:46
  got to fight all of us, right? Right.
• 1:10:49
  Like you ain't going to catch you on myself.
• 1:10:51
  I'm still, I'm still stuck on David real quick.
• 1:10:53
  I was like I need a simple water shower because that just hit.
• 1:10:56
  Think about it. So those two other stones David
• 1:10:59
  knew he was going to hit. It was a matter of if somebody
• 1:11:03
  else was going to come after Goliath and he still needs.
• 1:11:05
  To protect him. Ready, Right.
• 1:11:08
  That's all. So when we prepare ourselves in
• 1:11:11
  the right way, then we're able to take those pauses because
• 1:11:15
  things are lined up, the kids are fed, the work is done, the
• 1:11:19
  car is clean, the just all these things, right.
• 1:11:23
  So if let's say you stay ready, you know when they say you stay
• 1:11:26
  ready, you got to get. Ready.
• 1:11:27
  Stay ready. You all got to get ready.
• 1:11:29
  Yeah, so have. Your 3 stones have you.
• 1:11:33
  Not that you're going to miss, but just that there are things
• 1:11:37
  in place. That's why we have Sops, right?
• 1:11:39
  That's why we have backup people.
• 1:11:41
  That's why we have, you know, out of office messages, right?
• 1:11:43
  So you can't get to me, but this person can help you.
• 1:11:46
  That's so good. So faith plays a there's another
• 1:11:55
  biblical, well, biblical, but faith-based.
• 1:11:58
  So we talked about, you know, the faith of a mustard seed.
• 1:12:01
  But I read something and it was like, yes, it talks about how
• 1:12:04
  small a mustard seed is and you had just have that, that just
• 1:12:07
  that much faith. And but if you think about it
• 1:12:10
  too, in biblical days of mustard seed, when planted and when it
• 1:12:16
  thrived or when it was taken care of, right, it actually took
• 1:12:19
  over the entirety. Of that it's a small thing, can
• 1:12:25
  produce so much abundance. Yes.
• 1:12:28
  So it's like we're thinking of, you know, living this, if we
• 1:12:31
  live in this abundance mindset and faith over fear.
• 1:12:36
  But it's humanistic. You know, I remember my pastor
• 1:12:38
  telling me that before when I was going through a surgery.
• 1:12:40
  He's like, it's humanistic to to be afraid to fear.
• 1:12:42
  But just remember who guides you and who protects you and will
• 1:12:47
  continue to. And you might be, you know, in a
• 1:12:50
  valley moment, but you know it's going to be dark on the other
• 1:12:55
  side of through. You know, it's always darkest
• 1:12:57
  before dawn, right? But on the other side of
• 1:12:59
  through, you're going to see why you had to go through it and why
• 1:13:02
  you got dragged and why your name was on like you got called
• 1:13:05
  everything but a child of God and why, you know, you knew the
• 1:13:08
  truth about some things, but that's not what's put out there.
• 1:13:11
  And it's not for you to go and try and prove your truth because
• 1:13:14
  you know. Right, vengeance is mine, saith
• 1:13:17
  the Lord, and Exodus 1414 says all you got to do is be still.
• 1:13:21
  God will fight for you. Be still.
• 1:13:24
  'Cause there it is. And I think that is a perfect
• 1:13:27
  segue. If you can leave the audience
• 1:13:30
  with one powerful truth to help them to rise and thrive, what
• 1:13:35
  would it be? So we, I'm sure you've had
• 1:13:38
  people say to you, they can see it in your face.
• 1:13:40
  They they see Jesus in you or they see the positivity.
• 1:13:43
  Just think about how much better you're going to feel, how much
• 1:13:47
  you know how much it's going to, it's going to you're going to
• 1:13:49
  thrive and you're going to shine from the inside out by taking
• 1:13:53
  care of yourself. So when you take care of
• 1:13:55
  yourself, you know, with your food and your diet, you take
• 1:13:58
  care of yourself. When you're spiritually fed, you
• 1:14:00
  take care of yourself mentally to do those mindful moments.
• 1:14:04
  People are going to see it and wonder what you're doing and
• 1:14:06
  you're going to, you're going to evoke such a positive, you know,
• 1:14:10
  message on them too, or just even thinking, even if it's that
• 1:14:13
  doesn't happen, just taking care of yourself because we have a
• 1:14:16
  lot of things we want to do. We got, we got countries to
• 1:14:19
  visit. We have more accolades that or
• 1:14:22
  not even about the accolades. We just have more things we want
• 1:14:24
  to do with our families and just we have so much more to give.
• 1:14:29
  If because if you don't, you know, what happens is then
• 1:14:33
  you're so tired that you end up sleeping for 18 hours.
• 1:14:35
  When you do finally have a day off and you get nothing done.
• 1:14:38
  Your house is still going to be messy.
• 1:14:39
  The yard is still going to be a wreck because you have that day
• 1:14:43
  off, but you're so tired that you can't, you can't do anything
• 1:14:47
  because you have not taken the proper rest for yourself
• 1:14:50
  mentally, physically, emotionally.
• 1:14:53
  So what I, what I'd also like to share is with that in mind, I
• 1:14:57
  did create a code. So if you go to the website
• 1:15:01
  pauseshop.staciathompson.com and you put in the word thrive at
• 1:15:06
  checkout, you'll get 25% off any purchases you make.
• 1:15:10
  You heard it here on Rise and thrive.
• 1:15:12
  That is your promo code arrive all right, and I'll make sure
• 1:15:17
  it's down in the description below so that everyone has the
• 1:15:21
  opportunity to involved in an intentional pause at a discount.
• 1:15:26
  Yay. Well Stasha, this has been so so
• 1:15:30
  thank. You so much.
• 1:15:31
  This was awesome. Yes and thank you.
• 1:15:34
  Just thank you for being here like and sharing this and being
• 1:15:38
  obedient and following through and doing this project that got
• 1:15:42
  fit into you yes and girl, you gonna be able to eat up this
• 1:15:45
  book. Hello, residual income, Hello
• 1:15:48
  residual. So there is the book and there
• 1:15:50
  is the journal so you can get quote.
• 1:15:52
  And so she gave you the website. Don't wait.
• 1:15:56
  And now audience, we're going to switch over to you where it's
• 1:15:59
  time for you to reflect what is 1 area of your life where you
• 1:16:03
  treated rest as a reward instead of a requirement.
• 1:16:07
  And then we're going to take action.
• 1:16:09
  Choose one intentional pause this week, whether it's 5
• 1:16:13
  minutes of silence, a walk without your phone journaling to
• 1:16:17
  honor that pause is sacred non negotiable rest.
• 1:16:20
  Just find one way to do that this week.
• 1:16:23
  And then finally, I want to leave you affirm I give myself
• 1:16:26
  permission to pause. Rest is not a luxury.
• 1:16:29
  It is my birthright. My body, mind and spirit deserve
• 1:16:33
  renewal. I am aligned with God's rhythm
• 1:16:37
  and my stillness. I receive strength, clarity, and
• 1:16:42
  rest well. Stacia, thank you again for
• 1:16:45
  joining us on Rise and Thrive with Doctor Jane.
• 1:16:48
  Nicole, it has been an absolute pleasure to have you here.
• 1:16:52
  I had a blast and and and we're going to connect because we we
• 1:16:55
  we planning that just you heard it here first.
• 1:16:58
  If they we will have a pause pamper party somewhere in the
• 1:17:03
  near future. All right, y'all heard it here.
• 1:17:06
  And if this episode has blessed you, please share it with
• 1:17:09
  someone. Leave us some comments like it.
• 1:17:13
  Help this platform grow so that we can continue to reach more
• 1:17:16
  people with these wonderful, uplifting, faithful messages.
• 1:17:19
  You could also purchase the merch.
• 1:17:21
  Go to www.evolveadoctorjnicole.com and
• 1:17:25
  I'll see you next week. But in the meantime, keep rising
• 1:17:28
  in faith and thriving in purpose.