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Living Like Roommates with a Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Sometimes you end up living like a roommate with a narcissist
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  that you're in a relationship with or that you're married to.
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  I know that it can blow a lot of people's minds, right?
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  When you're living like a roommate with somebody that
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  you're supposed to love and care about and be like married to.
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  Like, imagine being married to someone that doesn't talk to
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  you, married to someone that doesn't interact with you, that
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  doesn't touch you, that doesn't tell you that they love you.
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  They act that y'all, they just act like they don't care about
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  you at all. This what we're talking about
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  today, y'all? Of course, if you're new here,
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  my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
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  to give you the perspective of a narcissist.
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  Y'all. Let me go hop right into it.
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  And I hope this video brings you some clarity because I get a
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  lot. Yeah, I'm serious.
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  I get a lot of this when I'm talking to people over Zoom, one
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  on one's still available mental illness.net.
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  I get a lot of people to just say, hey, Lee, in the last few
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  weeks, last few months, last few years of my relationship with my
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  partner is like, we're a roommate.
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  Like we don't connect anymore. We don't talk anymore.
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  We don't do anything anymore. It's just like we don't pretty
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  much. We don't exist to each other.
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  I was like, damn, what? And it, they can be tough,
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  right? It can be tough being in the
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  household with somebody that is not interacting with you, that
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  says that, hey, I love you, I care about you.
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  I just not doing this. I'm just not doing that.
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  That could be a very tough thing to deal with, right?
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  And I say that to people all the time, like if you're living like
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  a roommate with this person, it might be it better to live by
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  yourself, You know what I mean? I know everybody kids just can't
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  up and leave. And I know everybody doesn't
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  want to leave because the fountain dynamics, kids,
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  schools, all this other stuff, money, whatever it is.
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  I know everybody can't just up and leave.
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  But if you're already living like roommates, you probably
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  should just be by yourself, you know what I mean?
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  Because narcissistic people would rather have you there and
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  not with anybody else than to like didn't.
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  They would rather have you there with them and not with anybody
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  else than to for them to be by themselves.
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  That's the truth. And the crazy somebody is.
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  Y'all, when you're living like a roommate with a narcissist, they
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  might try to torture you emotionally.
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  I saw a video on TikTok the other day, right?
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  It was this woman. She was sitting in a room and
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  she was recording another woman walking down her stairs.
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  And she said, that's my my husband's mistress.
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  Like we've been living like roommates for the last few
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  months and now he's starting to have other women over to my
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  house. What and the other woman was
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  like peeking in her room when she was leaving.
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  She's like looking in the looking in the room.
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  I was like, what kind of damn crazy ass stuff are you?
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  What's going on in your mind? In your mind to see that the
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  your boyfriend's wife sleeps right next door.
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  Y'all on there banging on the bed and stuff like that.
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  What kind of shit? But some of these people out
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  here are just like literally, it'd be blowing my damn mind.
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  Like what is wrong with some of y'all?
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  What the hell like this? What?
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  Their wife is right there and and you looking in the door on
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  the way out, looking through the damn looking through the door,
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  the way down the steps, peeking so you know what you're doing.
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  What the hell wrong with it? Lord, this blows my mind.
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  And then her husband comes walking down the steps.
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  Bye baby, I'm coming right down the steps.
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  Peeks in the room too. They're doing it on purpose.
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  Sometimes when you start living like a roommate with a
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  narcissistic person, they would do things to intentionally try
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  to antagonize you. They would do things to
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  intentionally try to set you off.
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  Some of them want you to leave, right?
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  Some of them want you to leave. And the crazy thing about it is
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  even when you do leave, sometimes they'll still get mad.
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  We on my call this morning, we have a in my support group, we
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  do a morning call sometimes right On my call this morning, a
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  lady, a couple of a couple of the ladies in my group said Lee.
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  Why do narcissists leave, want you to leave, but get angry when
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  you do leave. I was like, because they still,
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  it's the shame, it's the shame and it's still the shame of
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  rejection, right? It still feel like you rejected
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  me even though I'm treating you badly and I'm doing the reverse
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  discord. I'm trying to push you out the
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  door with no hands. I'm push you out the door, but
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  I'm trying to do it with no hands.
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  Even though I do this right here though, even though I'm handling
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  it like this, I don't expect you to leave.
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  And when you still leave, when you do leave, it's still going
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  to be a shock to my system because I'm going to start
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  imagining you being with somebody else.
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  And that's going to going to make me angry.
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  It's going to make a lot of narcissists angry.
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  It makes a lot of people angry. But this is the mentality and
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  the mindset that you have to deal with, y'all.
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  So if you're living like a roommate with a narcissist,
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  start making a plan, right? And typically when you're living
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  like a roommate, you're not fully engaged in a relationship
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  anyway. You might be trying to do stuff,
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  but they might just be ignoring you or give you the silent
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  treatment or pretending you don't exist, especially around
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  the kids. It's just, it's, it's just
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  crazy. So you have to make a plan when
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  you're living like a roommate with a narcissist, make a plan
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  for how you how you want your life to look.
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  Do you want your do you want your life to look like your
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  boyfriend or your child's father or mother sleeping in the other
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  room, your husband or wife sleeping in the other room or
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  upstairs by you downstairs like in the same household, not
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  talking, not interacting around your kids.
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  Your kids don't see you speak. I saw that you y'all can Google
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  this. I actually did a video on this
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  the other day, but y'all can actually Google this as well.
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  I saw a video of a man literally y'all, a man spent 20 years not
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  talking to his wife. The ultimate living like a
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  roommate 20 years not talking to his wife.
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  That's crazy. 20 years of the silent treatment because he said
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  that she started giving more attention to their two children
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  than he was to her. So he got angry and just stopped
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  talking to her and never talked to her again for 20 years until
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  he got until a news article, a news like a, a production
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  company came to their house and they had they sat down and had a
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  conversation 20 years later. And you know, the crazy thing
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  about it is even through the 20 years of silence, they still had
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  another baby. They had to, We gave a start
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  giving her the silent treatment, but somehow without talking for
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  20 years, they made another pet, made another baby.
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  He fathered another child with her.
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  Even though they didn't talk, they live like roommates and the
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  kids like, and the kids grew up and said, you know what?
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  We've never, ever heard our parents have a conversation with
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  each other. That's horrible to grow up in.
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  So if you're living like a roommate with a narcissist and
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  you have children in the house, they see, they, they see this,
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  they imagine this. And this is not me trying to
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  call you. I'm not calling you a bad parent
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  because I know everybody's situation is different, right?
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  They see y'all not talking. They see y'all sleeping in
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  separate rooms. Imagine your son or daughter,
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  your, your child growing up and getting married and their
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  partner is sleeping in a separate room.
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  How would you feel about that? And you asked them about it when
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  they get older. Oh my, I was sleeping in
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  separate rooms. Oh mom, you and dad did it.
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  Well, dad, you and my son in separate rooms.
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  Why is this an issue that we do it here?
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  Like we don't have to talk. You guys never talked, so we
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  don't need to talk either. You see how it goes?
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  This what happens sometimes. Y'all, the kids pick up on it,
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  they see what's going on, they see what's going down and they
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  start to live their lives just like you are living your life.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissistic person in these
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  situations right here and you are in a relationship where you
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  living like a roommate, you got to consider this, You got to you
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  got to consider all things again, I know everybody's
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  finances are different. Everybody's situation is
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  different. I'm not telling you to just up
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  and leave and go stay in a a women's shelter or homeless
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  shelter or something. I'm not telling you to do that.
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  I'm saying make a plan. Even if that person is not
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  talking to you sometimes like it's just like steal whatever.
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  If you need to say something to this person or they give you the
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  silent treatment and you feel like you need to say something
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  to this person that's important, say it that way.
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  They can't get mad at you later on, right.
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  Still interact is as little as necessary because you don't want
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  like you. You don't want to be the person
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  that's going above and beyond trying to get them to talk to
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  you, trying to get them to engage with you and they just
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  keep pushing away. They they can be very they can
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  be a very hurtful thing to do every single day with this
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  person. Like you're living like y'all
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  are not sleeping in the same bed.
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  You're sleeping. Oh you Yo, sometimes roommates
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  can't sleep in the same bed, right?
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  Y'all can be roommates and still sleep in the same bed that that
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  the family I told you about earlier with a man that spent 20
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  years not talking to his wife. They still slept in the same
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  bed. That's how they had another baby
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  I think. I don't know how to get with it.
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  I didn't go into detail. I don't think they went into
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  detail about the and how they actually made the third baby or
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  whatnot, but they weren't talking.
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  So they must have been in the same bedroom.
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  They must have been in the same area to make this baby together.
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  So they'll still like, even if you're living like a roommate
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  with your partner, you're a narcissistic partner.
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  Sometimes they'll still expect the bedroom stuff.
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  They'll still expect you to fulfill your duties in the
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  bedroom even though they're not fulfilling any other type of
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  duties. Yeah, they might be paying the
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  bills. Yeah, they might be doing that
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  type of stuff, but they'll still anticipate you doing this type
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  of stuff, paying the bills or giving them some some bedroom
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  action or whatever the case may be.
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  So if you're living like a roommate with a narcissist,
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  y'all just consider this type of stuff.
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  I just went over y'all just seriously let it go through your
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  head, let it marinate with you because this is not the way to
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  live. Like it's not set as a bad
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  example for your kids or whatever, but it's also taking a
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  toll on your mental health. Like this type of like humans.
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  I think humans were made to communicate with each other,
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  right? We made, that's why we can talk.
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  That's why we have languages and written languages and we're able
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  to write most of us, right? I feel like we were created to
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  communicate, so not communicating in the same
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  household do you somebody you live with?
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  Y'all just disconnected. No affection, no talking, no
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  interactions, no nothing. Y'all that's just a rough ass
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  life to live, you know? I mean maybe with y'all I ain't
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  going to ramble on this video. I feel like I ramble in a little
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  bit. Hit that subscribe button if you
• 10:06
  haven't already. Go to mentalillness.net for all
• 10:10
  things Lee Hammock. Y'all know I just released my my
• 10:12
  latest course. It's been out for a few months
• 10:14
  now. It's called finding your why
• 10:16
  healing from narcissistic abuse. It's a course that I put
• 10:19
  together y'all of four of 40 videos.
• 10:21
  I wrote a script of 20,000 plus words for this video.
• 10:26
  No AI, all from the heart. Check it out at
• 10:28
  mentalillness.net. You can enter the code mothers
• 10:32
  or fathers for 50% off of my videos and whatnot, 50% off my
• 10:36
  courses. I have another course on there
• 10:38
  as well. Or you can check out joining my
• 10:40
  support group, the Mental Healers.
• 10:42
  Check that out. To y'all, stop living like a
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  roommate. Hit that subscribe button y'all
• 10:46
  and I'm out. Peace.