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this is why growth hurts · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  I had been mentally ill for so long that I didn't know who I
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  was outside of that. I had gotten so comfortable
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  within it. Mental illness is messy and it
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  hurts, but it's predictable. I always knew how I was going to
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  feel the next day. I was going to feel bad, and I
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  found some kind of comfort in that.
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  And eventually, I convinced myself that I didn't even want
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  to heal, that I was better off this way.
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  And that's one of the dangers of mental illness.
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  When we don't address those feelings, when we don't face
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  them, when we don't call ourselves out.
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  So today we're going to talk about how we have to get
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  uncomfortable in order to heal. We have to get out of that
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  comfort zone. We have to admit that those
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  feelings do not define us. And we are so much more.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings. Have you ever started to feel
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  better and then weirdly you started to miss the sadness?
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  Or maybe you felt anxious whenever you didn't have
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  anxiety? Yeah, those feelings are weird
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  and they're uncomfortable and frankly they don't make any
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  sense. So that's why we are going to
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  talk about that today. I want to remind you I'm not a
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  doctor, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a professional in the
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  mental health industry. Let's get that out of the way.
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  I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and wants
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  to start the conversation on mental health because I think
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  healing your mental health is the most important thing that
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  you can do for your life. So thank you so much for joining
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  me. So the problem with mental
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  health recovery is we often think about it as this very
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  romantic uphill journey. You know, it's, it's a journey
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  towards happiness. It's we're going to feel better
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  and then better day after day. There's never going to be any
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  fall backs. But in reality, it's, it's
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  deeply messy. Healing isn't about feeling
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  good. It's about facing the parts of
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  yourself that you've kept hidden even from yourself in that is
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  super uncomfortable. So many people, myself included,
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  turn away from that discomfort because we've been sold this
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  idea that our healing journey is going to be so beautiful and so
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  clean and so linear just to trend upwards.
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  And then the reality hits and we have to get uncomfortable and we
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  go, wow, I really missed that sadness.
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  I miss waking up and feeling horrible.
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  I don't, I don't want to heal that.
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  I know what I'm going to feel When we're healing.
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  It becomes unpredictable. And the problem is when our
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  mental illness becomes predictable and we become
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  comfortable in it, it can become a part of our identity.
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  Sometimes the sadness or anxiety becomes so familiar, it's like
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  an old friend. The sadness comes back, and
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  suddenly you feel less lonely. And when that starts to fade,
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  when you start to heal, you might feel a little lost.
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  And that's a scary feeling that many of us shy away from.
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  You know, there's really a paradox here.
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  Healing is uncomfortable, and often it can hurt more than just
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  wallowing in our sadness because the struggle.
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  Yes, it's painful, but it's also predictable.
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  Healing is not predictable. When you're used to chaos, calm
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  feels unfamiliar. When you're used to numbness,
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  feeling again can be terrifying. So when you're so used to
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  feeling a certain way, when you wake up every day feeling
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  sadness, feeling numb, the opposite of that can be so
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  scary. Suddenly having a baseline that
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  isn't what you're used to can be really uncomfortable.
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  Suddenly opening yourself up to those deep feelings that you've
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  been hiding for so long that you've been pushing down to
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  protect yourself, that can be so scary.
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  I remember when I first started going to therapy, when I finally
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  opened up to the fact that yes, I needed to heal, that yes, it
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  was time that yes, I was being self-destructive and I didn't
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  want to feel this way anymore. I started going to therapy and I
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  had this idea that therapy was just going to fix me, that it
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  was linear. It was going to be all sunshine
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  and and roses and I was going to feel better and I was going to
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  easily talk about my feelings and I was just going to be happy
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  immediately. And that wasn't the case.
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  I started to dread therapy. I started to dread facing those
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  feelings because it was so uncomfortable.
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  Healing is uncomfortable. That's something that we have to
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  accept, and we have to accept that.
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  We have to let go of what we're comfortable with.
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  We have to let go of who we are within our mental illness.
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  You're not weak for missing parts of your struggle.
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  You're human. When you're struggling with
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  mental illness, you are vulnerable.
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  Often times it it puts you in a very vulnerable state, so you
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  want to protect yourself. That change becomes more
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  difficult. And when you try to change,
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  you're going to miss part of that struggle because you found
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  so much comfort within it for so long.
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  But we have to face the fear of what's on the other side of the
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  healing, what's on the other side of, of moving past who we
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  are within our own struggles. We have to face the unknown.
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  We have to ask ourselves, who am I without my sadness?
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  Who am I without my anxiety, my trauma?
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  It's a scary question, but it's also the beginning of freedom.
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  In order to heal, in order to process our feelings, in order
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  to find who we are when we're healed, we have to embrace the
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  discomfort. And it sucks.
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  You're already struggling. You found a little bit of peace
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  within that struggle, and now I'm telling you that you have to
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  RIP the floor out from underneath you.
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  And that's scary. But discomfort can often be a
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  sign of growth. Pushing yourself out of your
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  comfort zone when it comes to your mental health.
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  Talking about those feelings, going outside, going on walks
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  when you feel bad, you know, taking deep breaths and moments
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  of panic. Reminding yourself of of who you
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  are, of of your coping mechanisms.
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  Journaling, facing those feelings.
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  They can be signs of growth. Like muscles sore after a
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  workout, discomfort during healing means you're doing the
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  work. So here are some practical steps
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  for sitting with the discomfort. These are things that I did, you
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  know. Talk to a therapist.
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  There's options available near you.
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  I would look into them. Really face those feelings in a
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  professional environment. Or maybe form a support group
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  with friends or family and find people you can trust to talk to.
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  Or just journal the feelings out.
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  Sit with those feelings. Give yourself permission to feel
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  a little bit weird as you change.
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  Allow yourself to be a little bit uncomfortable with that
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  change. Healing is not going to be
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  linear. It's not going to be clean, it's
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  going to be messy. It's going to be uncomfortable.
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  You're going to have to find yourself outside of the trauma
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  and outside of the sadness. But once you can find that, once
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  you can let go of that identity that you've latched onto within
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  your struggle, that is when change can happen.
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  I want to speak directly to you. You are not your pain.
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  You are not your diagnosis. You are you, and healing doesn't
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  erase that. It just helps you meet parts of
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  yourself that you haven't met yet.
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  Healing is uncomfortable, but so is staying stuck and the
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  discomfort, that is where the transformation happens.
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  So I urge you to let go of that comfort.
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  Let go of the idea that healing will be comfortable.
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  Let go of the idea that everything's going to go
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  smoothly. Embrace the mass.
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  Embrace the the fall backs. Embrace the fact that it might
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  get worse before it gets better. Embrace the breakdowns.
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  Embrace every step of the journey.
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  You're human and you have to figure out what works for you.
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  So to wrap this all up, I just want to remind you that you are
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  capable of healing. You are capable of of finding
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  comfort outside of your sadness, outside of your mental illness.
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  And you're capable of taking small steps every single day, as
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  uncomfortable as they may be. Steps towards finding happiness,
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  finding healing, and finding peace and coexistence with your
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  mental health struggles. If you're feeling uncomfortable
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  right now thinking about this, maybe that's a sign that this is
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  exactly what you need to do, that this healing needs to
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  happen. Sit with it and feel those
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  feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. If you need help feeling those
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  feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
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  the name of Ethan Jewell and I almost guarantee it'll make you
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  cry. Also, shoot me a message on my
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  Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I under score and let me know what
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  you thought about today's episode.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that healing is not comfortable and
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  as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.