Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / ‘A Man at Church Thinks We Should Marry — I Disagree’

Transcript

‘A Man at Church Thinks We Should Marry — I Disagree’ · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: Every week, our inbox gets some very interesting scenarios we
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  Speaker 1: need to work out together, like this one today from
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  Speaker 1: an anonymous young woman. I low Pastor John, and I thank
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  Speaker 1: you for your ministry and for this podcast. My question
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  Speaker 1: for you is about how I can respond in faith
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  Speaker 1: when someone insists that it is God's will for you
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  Speaker 1: to be together but you disagree. Here's my situation. Shortly
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  Speaker 1: after joining a new church, a guy I barely knew
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  Speaker 1: asked me out on a date, and I declined without
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  Speaker 1: feeling any regret then or since. Many months have passed
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  Speaker 1: and he's still convinced that we are meant to be together,
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  Speaker 1: to the point that he corners me after church events
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  Speaker 1: to reiterate that I'm exactly the wife he's prayed for.
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  Speaker 1: My rejection of him hurts him, and I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to hurt anybody. But I'm also mystified in a little
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  Speaker 1: anger by the way he treats me and his insistence
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  Speaker 1: that this is God's will. I've asked him to leave
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  Speaker 1: me alone and will draw others in as needed in
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  Speaker 1: the church. My question for you is what's a God
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  Speaker 1: honoring way to address a church situation like this when
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  Speaker 1: someone is convinced they know God's will for you, and
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  Speaker 1: you disagree with them.
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  Speaker 2: I have five suggestions for how to deal with a
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  Speaker 2: man who thinks it's God's will for you to marry
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  Speaker 2: him when you don't see it that way. Number one, First,
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  Speaker 2: step back and look to the Lord and ask him
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  Speaker 2: to intervene in this situation in a way that will
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  Speaker 2: protect you spiritually and physically and will help this man
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  Speaker 2: think and feel in a more mature and biblical and
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  Speaker 2: descerning way. In other words, pray, and when you have
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  Speaker 2: prayed that take hold of a specific promise in the Bible,
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  Speaker 2: and then specifically trust that promise for your situation with him.
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  Speaker 2: For example, Psalm twenty five eight. Good and upright is
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  Speaker 2: the Lord. Therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He
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  Speaker 2: leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the
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  Speaker 2: humble His way will guide you. It's a great promise
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  Speaker 2: or Psalm ninety one fourteen. Because he and you can
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  Speaker 2: say she in this situation, because she holds fast to
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  Speaker 2: me in love, I will deliver her. I will protect
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  Speaker 2: her because she knows my name or Psalm twenty three six.
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  Speaker 2: Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days
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  Speaker 2: of my life. You can hold that claim, that stand
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  Speaker 2: on that or Psalm eighty four eleven. The Lord God
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  Speaker 2: is a son and shield. The Lord gives grace and glory.
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  Speaker 2: No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
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  Speaker 2: So very specifically say to the Lord, thank you for
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  Speaker 2: your promises. I trust you, Lord, establish me in the truth.
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  Speaker 2: Grant me to walk now, not in fear or anger,
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  Speaker 2: or self pity or pride, but in full confidence that
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  Speaker 2: you will take care of me and guide me in
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  Speaker 2: dealing with this situation. So that's my number one. Council
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  Speaker 2: number two explain to this man that all claims to
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  Speaker 2: know the will of God must be tested by the
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  Speaker 2: revealed word of God. The Bible. Extra biblical words of
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  Speaker 2: knowledge or prophecies or purported revelations are in themselves fallible
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  Speaker 2: because they are not perceived by infallible people. They're perceived
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  Speaker 2: by fallible people like him. God gave unique authority to
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  Speaker 2: the apostles and prophets to write scripture, but no one
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  Speaker 2: has that kind of authority and infallibility today. The Bible
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  Speaker 2: alone is now our stand, our infallible standard of God's will.
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  Speaker 2: So if he thinks that he has an infallible insight
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  Speaker 2: into God's will for you. He's not thinking biblically. His
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  Speaker 2: opinion is of a different order than the Bible. It's
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  Speaker 2: not infallible, and he may need to rethink how he
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  Speaker 2: discerns the will of God. That's number two. Third suggests
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  Speaker 2: to him that one way he can decern if he
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  Speaker 2: is on the right track is to draw other wise
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  Speaker 2: and spiritual people into his life, especially the pastors or
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  Speaker 2: elders of his church or your church. He should ask
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  Speaker 2: them to give their sense of his descernment of God's will.
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  Speaker 2: If he's thinking in a biblical way, he will be
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  Speaker 2: glad for their input in the abundance of counselors their
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  Speaker 2: safety Proverbs eleven fourteen. He's resistant to the counsel of
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  Speaker 2: the church leaders or otherwise friends, then he's showing that
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  Speaker 2: he's not walking in the truth. Fourth, here's the catch
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  Speaker 2: twenty two that this man is in. Help him see this.
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  Speaker 2: If he is so spiritual as to truly discern God's
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  Speaker 2: will for you, then either you will prove similarly spiritual
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  Speaker 2: from his standpoint and agree with him, or you'll prove
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  Speaker 2: to be unspiritual from his standpoint and stubborn. If you
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  Speaker 2: prove to be spiritual from his standpoint and agree with him,
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  Speaker 2: you're going to get married. If you prove unspiritual, undiscerning
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  Speaker 2: stubborn from his standpoint, then he should not want to
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  Speaker 2: marry you. But if he keeps on wanting to marry you,
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  Speaker 2: even though from his standpoint you are proving to be
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  Speaker 2: an unspiritual, undiscerning, stubborn person, then something's deeply wrong with him.
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  Speaker 2: He claims to be spiritually discerning, but your spiritual undiscerning
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  Speaker 2: stubborn resistance to God's will from his standpoint doesn't stop
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  Speaker 2: him from wanting to marry you. He should say, that's
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  Speaker 2: not the kind of woman I should marry. If I'm
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  Speaker 2: a biblically spiritual person she can't even discern the will
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  Speaker 2: of God, well I would want to marry her. And
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  Speaker 2: not only that, but if you see that he wants
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  Speaker 2: to marry you even though from his standpoint you are
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  Speaker 2: proving to be unspiritual, undiscerning, stubborn, then you now know
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  Speaker 2: that you have a good reason not to marry him,
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  Speaker 2: since he's so careless about whom he would marry. That's
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  Speaker 2: the catch twenty two. When you claim to know more
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  Speaker 2: than God has revealed, so you can say to him, Look,
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  Speaker 2: if I am able to see that it is God's
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  Speaker 2: will for me to marry you, we will marry. And
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  Speaker 2: if I can't see it that way that God's will
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  Speaker 2: for me is to marry you, then you should not
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  Speaker 2: want to marry me because I'm so blind to discerning
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  Speaker 2: God's will. And if you still want to marry me
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  Speaker 2: though I'm so spiritually undiscerning, then you're not the kind
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  Speaker 2: of man that I would want to marry. Number five.
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  Speaker 2: If all else fails, and he continues to call you,
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  Speaker 2: or email you, or text you or corner you, then
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  Speaker 2: you need to say, quite bluntly, I don't think we
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  Speaker 2: can even be ordinary friends right now, and I am
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  Speaker 2: asking you not to be in touch with me or
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  Speaker 2: talk with me alone for the next six months. This
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  Speaker 2: is a test run. If you don't agree to this,
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to ask the leaders of our church to
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  Speaker 2: put some kind of restraint on you. And I don't
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  Speaker 2: do this out of animosity, but because I think think
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  Speaker 2: it might help you get in touch with reality and
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  Speaker 2: so be a more healthy and mature person.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you for this email, for sharing your situation, and
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  Speaker 1: as you consider all these things. I pray you will
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  Speaker 1: make use of this episode two to share it with
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  Speaker 1: the man and with your pastors as it proves helpful
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  Speaker 1: to you. Thank you, Pastor John, and thanks for joining
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  Speaker 1: us today. If you have a situation to ask Pastor
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  Speaker 1: John about, email us your question by going to Askpastor
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  Speaker 1: John dot com and click on the link to send
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  Speaker 1: us an email. The new year is here and we
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  Speaker 1: are geared up for a new read through the Bible year.
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  Speaker 1: So what are the spiritual battles we must win in
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  Speaker 1: our Bible reading? That's the next question for Pastor John.
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  Speaker 1: I'm Tony Ranky, so long twenty twenty four, but we'll
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  Speaker 1: see you on Thursday.