Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E29 - Cliff, the Smartest Man in the Bar, Saves the World!

Transcript

S4 E29 - Cliff, the Smartest Man in the Bar, Saves the World! · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:31
  SPEAKER_05: And now here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, hey, thank you, Steve and Jeff Show Band.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: And Jeff, great to be back in the studio tonight.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: Now, it's an interesting night to be in the studio, but I gotta tell you, I heard that Brendan Carr, you know, he's the head of the F U C C I mean the FCC.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: He's coming in.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna review eccentric Lady Land's licenses tonight.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: He's coming in soon, man.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: That that's making me a little tense.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I remember, was it an episode that we did three years ago where we talked about what would happen if the president had an accident and fell?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And remember in that, and I I think they're going back to that episode.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think that one sentence that we had You know, the Steve and Jeff Show band, they've really created some great songs.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: They worked really hard and they created a song about Cash Patel.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I was gonna save this for a later show when we maybe did a little more about Cash Patel, but uh you know, Jeff, I think given what I've been reading, uh you know, we should probably play the song while he's still in the news.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and when you say in the news, I think I know what you're saying.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Although I would think Brendan Carr wouldn't come back to us if something happened to Cash Patel and blamed us.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: But I think I think you were right that he would, he would.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: But I think you're right that there have been more casualties in the White House lately than there has been in Iran.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's more coming.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're right.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think Cash I think Cash is heading towards some rocky times, and we better grab onto him while we can, because I'm he's about to take the the the Christie slide, you know, you know what I'm saying?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think he is, and and we're not talking cosmetically.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: No, no.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: Although that might help old Cash a little bit, a little cosmetics, but I think we should play this song, you know, just to get it to honor the Stephen Jeff Show band while there's still time.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: So let's let's it it's short.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just play it now.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: I I think they really captured Cash Patel's true talents.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think so.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And Steve, I I don't know what I would do without him, you know.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like before he was the head of the FBI, I'd sit home, watch TV at night, but when he became the head of the FBI, all of a sudden I just felt like partying, you know, and he's so good at that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that dude can can drink.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: I never cared about hockey ever.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: I became a hockey fan.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I didn't I didn't watch a hockey game.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: I do all these years, watch one hockey game.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: Suddenly I'm going to hockey games all the time.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: Unbelievable.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and look at some of those former heads of the FBI.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Boring.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Who do you want to you want to go to a party with with one of them?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: That would be the worst thing ever.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Cash.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's the guy.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: So now a party with J.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: Edgar Hoover, depending on your preferences, could have been fun.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean that's true.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, if you like that kind of thing.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Not that there's anything wrong with that, but no, there's nothing wrong with that.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, though, Jeff, I don't want to digress too much here because I've we've been digressing a little bit, and Jeff, we've got a really important show tonight.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's an overstatement to say that we have a show tonight that could save America and could save the world.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: See, now this is where Jimmy Kimmel gets in trouble.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there you go.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: See?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So and and if you're out there, Brendan Carr, it's not what you think, because I know you're thinking it too, but it it isn't that at all.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Is this related to the guy that you met when you were out the other night?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: I told you I told this story, but I didn't the listeners don't know, so let me run through it a little bit.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: The other night, I went out for a few drinks with my mom and Johnny.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, Johnny he hasn't been on the show, but he's still around, let me assure you.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: He is doing just fine.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: He's drinking free booze all day and all night, so he's he's having a swell time.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: We went out to uh Dave and Buster's, you know, and Dave and Buster's not just for Thanksgiving anymore, Jeff.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: Let me tell you.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a it's a delightful place any night of the year.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: And we went there, and the night we went, they were doing in the bar.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we didn't go for the games.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: We just you know, we go there, yeah, we go there to drink.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, we were in the bar.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: In the bar, they were doing a trivia contest.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, we played along a little bit.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: You wouldn't, you know, you my mom's pretty sharp with trivia.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: She really never forgets anything.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny is perhaps the worst trivia player I think I've ever seen in my life.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Horrible.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't think your mom is with Johnny for that reason.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, not for his brains.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure why.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what she gets out of it, but but there they are, you know.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: Go figure.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there you go.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: So in this trivia contest, we didn't, we we we lost, we didn't do very well.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: This one guy in the bar was just phenomenal.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: He was getting tens every every question.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: He was just hitting it, hitting it, hitting it.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: This guy was amazing.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so I thought, well, he won.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: He won the trivia contest.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: He was given the title Smartest Man in the Bar.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how many people can claim that?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: Now let me tell you, that's a that's a pretty that's a coveted title.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I thought, who better in these times of multiple problems and crises, and we have so many issues that are dragging us down.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: Who better than the smartest guy in the bar to solve our problems?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: I I began to think that maybe he alone could solve our problems.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather have the smartest guy in the bar than the dumbest guy that went to University of Pennsylvania.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm just saying, and and now we have a chance.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: We have a chance.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: He's really just he's just the other side of that glass.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: This is the trivia winner, the smartest guy in the bar.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sorry, sir, I I never really got your name.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: What is your name?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you can just call me Cliff.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: All right, Cliff.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: All right, Cliff, the smartest guy in the bar.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, one of those people, Cliff, you know, like share and Madonna.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Just cliff.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: Just a one word, you know, like Steve or Jeff or Hitler.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say that's another good one.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me, how did you become such so smart?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: How did you win that trivia contest?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: That was a hard contest.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we stunk.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: We were bad.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, there were some people that were pretty good in there, and you beat them.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's about saying your answers clearly, loudly, and with a lot of confidence.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually, if you are clear, loud, and confident, everyone just believes you're right.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: That is such a beautiful strategy.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's brilliant.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's brilliant.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: I I think what we should do, as long as we've got the smartest guy in the bar here, usually we ask questions about, oh, tell us about your career, et cetera, et cetera.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: I think we should solve the world's problems with him.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think you're right.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: So, Cliff, what should we do about healthcare?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Healthcare is such a big problem, and a lot of people can't afford good health care, they can't afford the insurance.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: What should we do as a country?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, several countries have health care.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Canada has health care, Denmark has health care, and look what it got them.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: They have to live where it's cold, wet, and snows.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're asking me what we should do about health care, make it more expensive, give it to fewer people, and that will improve the overall quality of our life compared to the overall quality of the life that's possible.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: See, this is what I like, Steve, because what you're doing, it's out of the box, right?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Most people would talk about you raise taxes and everybody would get health care if they needed it or whatever, you know.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: But this is really out of the box.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think it could work.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: If if nobody has got health care, there is no health care crisis.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a crisis if it happens to everybody, right?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just want to go back one thing with you, Jeff.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: You need to say that louder and more confidently.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm gonna work on nobody has health care, there is no health care crisis.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the reason you're asking me to be louder is because David Buster's so loud.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you got the binging and banging, and you know, all the machines going.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: I need to go there maybe and practice my loud voice.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's good for elocution, you know.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's really it's good practice.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I will work on that, sir.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: See, we sound healthcare in a few seconds.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we're involved in this war over in Iran.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: What's the way out of that war?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, what what should we do?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: You bomb them into peace.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not pieces, peace, but it they both work.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: You bomb them into pieces to achieve peace.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a tried and true strategy.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's worked throughout time in history.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: We will become like the Mongol Horde.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was my favorite football team in high school.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Mongolia hordes, yeah.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: They were they're really good.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: Saint same Mongol high school, yeah.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't work, it really doesn't matter.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're over there, we're over here, and so we just keep it that way.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we've got plenty of oil, right?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, most people think in terms of end of war you reach an agreement, you negotiate, you have a ceasefire, and you talk, and just bomb the crap out of them.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: People like to go back and compare ourselves today to the World War II.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: We bombed the bejesus out of those people until they were ready for peace.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Bomb to pieces until they're ready for pieces.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: To just take that one step further.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving tomorrow for Japan.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: We dropped the big one twice on Japan.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And who's our best friend in terms of trade?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Who do we count on?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Japan.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: We don't count on France, we don't count on Italy, we don't count on any of those NATO countries that are in Europe, but Japan, they're our buddies.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe a little tough love.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, I hate to interrupt, but speaking of World War II, I saw Brendan Carr.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: He's he's here, he's at eccentric ladies in the studios.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: I just saw him.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I think he didn't look happy.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: He scowled at me personally.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't look, he didn't even look at you.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he's looking at me is like, mmm, you know, the eyes, you know, the daggers.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: So what I think we should do, the band also put together a little tribute to our Secretary of War fighting and alpha male posing, who is leading this war, and they kind of went back to a World War II feel.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, a war that you could really love, you know, a war you could get into.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: So they they kind of went back to that for the feel of the song, but it's short.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: I think we should play it.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: I think it'll help our overall score with the FUCC.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds good.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: And pass the Captain Morgan, we'll get drunk and grab ourselves a fortune.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: And pass the Captain Morgan and we'll quit.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: And take up your position, ignore the generals and the politicians.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead, fight.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: We are gonna nuclear code.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: We're on the whole in the nuclear system.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then January the distance will grift.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: I feel so much more patriotic already.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and Claire's over there kind of flirting with Brendan.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe Brent will calm down a little bit.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he's been really kind of a tight ass for a while.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, since like 1997, I think.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: But I digress.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's been a while.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: So so Cliff, how do we solve the problems of our economy, the economic disparity that where a few people have the vast overwhelming percentage of the wealth, and most people are struggling?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: How do we get an economy where fewer people are struggling?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm glad that you recognize that the billionaires in this country are really struggling.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is just getting harder and harder to be a billionaire, to become a billionaire.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why you practically have to have parents who are billionaires for you to become a billionaire.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's just not fair.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't fair.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is not fair because the thing that makes it unfair is not every child of a billionaire becomes a billionaire.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them are only millionaires, and they are scoffed at, laughed at, they have their month lunch money taken away from them by the children who are billionaires.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're asking me how to remove the struggles, we just give the child of every billionaire in this country one billion dollars.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Where we get it from?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: People without a billion dollars.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: Right, exactly.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: Because they don't need it because they're not going to be billionaires anyway, right?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're never gonna be rich.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: You might as well just be more poor.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: But other people who are rich, they can become more rich.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't afford eggs and gasoline, that is just not my problem.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can not afford eggs and gasoline and bread, or eggs and gasoline and electricity.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're a billionaire and you can't afford eggs and gasoline, well, get a billion dollars and you can now afford at least the eggs.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: So you're thinking that that would be the answer to affordability, because that's that's a big problem in the economy, is the affordability problem.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so that would really help affordability.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can always afford nothing.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: So give people nothing.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Write that down if you can afford it.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's so profound.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, you see why he won that contest, right?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: If I had my way, he would be in a lot higher position than he is.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, Cliff, I don't know what position you're in.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a job?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I had a job.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out that it wasn't what they would call legal, but I am a people pleaser.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes literally, a people pleaser.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: I will say one thing.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Our president says that the Pope is weak on crime.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he wasn't weak on my crimes.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: No absolution, huh?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely no absolution.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: What I'm feeling here, Steve, tell me if you get this sense.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: It seems like the solution for Cliff, it's all about not caring about the results of his decisions.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: But if you do that, you make the right decisions, you get in trouble when you start caring because then you compromise and you water down things.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: Am I on the right track here?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, the world is made up of winners and losers.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: You, if you're among the masses, and I hate to say it, among the listeners of this program, you are in the loser category.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: There is no path to winner, so you may as well support the winners by giving them more of the things that they have to win.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, you can only be so poor.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Once you can't afford a place to live or food to eat, there's really no no more that you can lose.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: So give it to the people who can win.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that makes such sense because there is a zero.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: There's a ground, but there's really no cap.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: So there you could get the zero, but what infinity?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: What's the infinity number?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: I you know, there is none, right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you always add one to whatever number you get, right?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Once you give people something, then they will expect to have it.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like food.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, that's a you know, that's a good point.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: Will will the billionaires become then dependent on us giving them a billion dollars?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: They already are.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well then that's no change, right?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: No change.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're not making their lives better, you're just making it better, incrementally better.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Small amounts better for people with a billion dollars.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff, that is so astute.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: That makes such sense.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Although I think we need to be aware that a billionaire now was not our dad's billionaire.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: That was a different scenario.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm old enough to remember when a billion dollars was a lot of money.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: It was, it was.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's not as much everybody in the government has a billion dollars now, right?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody in the White House.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: So do some of them need to lose some of that?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking that they do, and that billion should be consolidated to just a couple people.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can't give it to everybody.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can always print it up.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Print it up, hand it out.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: So there really is no limit to the money, right?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's just how much ink can you buy.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, and if you run out of ink, you can always use the blood of the poor as your own ink.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: Which we kind of have been doing.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: You you wonder why people in office don't have this insight, don't have this clarity that he's got.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they would care a little bit more and understand what we're talking about if they lost everything.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's hard to understand.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: I understand it, Steve.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think you understand it because we're men of the people, meaning the billionaires.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but yeah, but they're people.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're they are people.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, but I don't think most people understand that, and I don't think the people that work in the White House or in Congress I don't think they get it.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you could use Cliff.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: And such clarity on just just r randomly running into him.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Now, Cliff, uh talking about international relations, you know, we'd mentioned NATO a little bit earlier, and yeah, that's been kind of a sore spot here.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think we should do as far as our NATO alliance and as far as relations with other countries in general?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, overall, over the last eighty years, the Transatlantic Alliance has benefited both parties immensely.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: It has let us achieve levels of influence and Wealth and power.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: God, I can't even say that.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: The hell, the hell with all of them.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: The French, when did they win a war?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: The Italians, they're worse.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And Denmark, don't even get me started on Denmark.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Iceland, Greenland, we'll take them both.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Land I want, land I take.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't oh my god, NATO should be not uh you're you'd be in favor of taking over Greenland, then, right?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: I just think that if you're asking me which is tougher, taking over all of Iran's gas, or taking over the whole island of Cuba, or landing 15 guys to beat up some seals in Greenland.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm going for the seals.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: We just go up there, we knock the shit out of some seals, we take all the minerals, then we can take a blowtorch to those glaciers and really get things going.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: And then we'll never run out of water, right?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not up there, we won't.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: This just makes such sense.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: I think what you're really saying is you need to choose who you are going to take over.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that if you take over, try to take over the wrong people, it can get bloody and messy.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: But if you stick with the Greenlands of the world, the Canadas of the world, it's a pretty simple.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: In other words, you might you might want to go for the easy wins before you go for the hard one, right?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: Play in the practice league before you play in the pros, right?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is kind of it's that theme about taking all the wealth away from people who don't have much wealth.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: They're the easy ones, they're the low-hanging first.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: You go after them first.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Going for the easy win.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then later we'll take care of the billionaires, yeah.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe the millionaires, you start with the millionaires, which are really fake rich people.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, and this concept is not new.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: The United States, who did we take over before?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Panama?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Grenada?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: Going for the easy wins, yeah.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: How long the Grenada thing was it took like an hour and a half or something, right?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Steve, what would we do if we could just tap into Cliff's brain?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: What would this country look like?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: If we could just use Cliff as the guide?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: With these simple yet clear answers, I gotta think we'd have a much more efficient country.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of efficiency and big network of country that we have and travel and all that, what should we really focus on as far as energy policy?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Should we continue the gasoline and the oil, the fossil fuel path, or should we go with renewables?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you think about it, if you give it enough time, everything's renewable.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: It just takes longer to make more coal.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think we just need to return to a coal-based economy.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Coal-powered cars, coal-powered electric plants.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody just has coal in their basement that they burn.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: The air gets a little thick, but hey, that gives your lungs a good workout.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing cardio while you sleep.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: You will increase your heart rate just by existing.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: And coal is such a warm feeling.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's a rock you can hold in your hands.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's not some ephemeral thing like wind or sun.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's real.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: It feels tangible, you know.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: Steve, I think we're doing good here.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: I just look at Brendan Carr and he gave me the thumbs up when we were talking about coal.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the song worked, and the coal worked, okay.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: The coal worked, yeah.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're heading in the right direction.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: You took down the sign picture of Jimmy Kimmel, didn't you?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: I yeah, I don't I don't have that.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: I scrapped my Colbert one.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: You better scrap the Kimmel one.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: But I digress.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: Got time for maybe a couple more questions.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, with some of the division in the country, I mean, what do you think would be a way to unify the country to get everybody pulling together for a better country for all?
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta figure out 10% of the country you don't need.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you get the 10% of the country you don't need, and then you get the 90% of the country to hate them.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now that doesn't unite everybody, but the 10% will be united with the rest of the 10%, and everybody else will be united in their hatred of the 10%.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: I call it the 90-10 rule.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: So you've got unity within the split.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then split unifies.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: See, you're never gonna get people to come together, so celebrate them splitting apart.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Zig when they zag.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mean to argue with you, Cliff, but it sounds like what you're saying is that we need to love each other more because right now I would say it would be pretty easy to get about 50% of the people to be hated instead of just the 10.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, 10 is kind of limiting.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you think we ought to be a rotating 10?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: It wouldn't always be so.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, okay.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Good, good.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: You'd have this group, and then once you're done, you hit that group for a while, then you go, you'd find a new one.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, let's go on that group now, you know, and then you'd find a new one, and you know that makes more sense.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: You'd eventually get all the way around.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: So that really ultimately, if you did that for years and years, you'd have 90 that were on the outs, and you'd have 10 on the ins, and that would be the same people that we've been funneling the money to, right?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now you got it.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I've been to a graduate seminar here tonight.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: This has just been stunning.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I can't imagine why more people haven't sought you out.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: Has either political party asked you to run for office?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not yet, but I do have a couple of feelers out there.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: Apparently, the libertarians are kind of interested.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: The Green Party just sends me death threats.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: But there's even less than 10% of them, so you know.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, yeah, that is so cool.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: And Cliff, I want to thank you for coming on the show.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, absolutely.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: We'll get you some parting gifts, but or you know what?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'll bring them to Dave and Buster's.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: How about that?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Come the next trivia night.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Just got a uh a little note from Brendan, and he would like to your contact information because as he as he has said many times, whose ass am I gonna kiss in the future?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe he's he's looking at your ass.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and they're gonna be looking for an FBI director pretty soon.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: So you well, that's true.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: This guy could do it.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: I will say, uh, as far as the FBI director, I just I can't see eye to eye with cash patel.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just can't see eye to eye.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he is pretty short.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: It it is very few can.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, thanks again for coming on the show.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, Cliff.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you're welcome.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the next trivia night, you can uh help me with the geography and I'll uh do the uh finance.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that sounds great.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: You're you got a deal.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'll leave Johnny at home.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: I might bring my mom though.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, she's she's she's got a fucking I'll leave Johnny at home.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, definitely bring your mom.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: She's quite the looker.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, you know, baby.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, I'd rather have her with you than Johnny, so maybe we can work on that.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: All right, hot takes.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see what happens.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: All right, thanks, Cliff.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds good, Cliff.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Jeff, I I was just kind of playing along with him because he was on the show, and you know, I but can you believe?
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, anybody that says that kind of stuff, can you believe anybody would support any of that stuff?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I kind of do.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: When it comes out of his mouth, it sounds so logical.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Just he says it loud and he says it confidently, and yeah, bing, you're there.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, I better go home and reassess.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, or practice my elocution.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I'll yell into the mirror.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'll yell at Johnny.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm tired of that bum anyway.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, Stephen Jeff Schoban, sing us out of the show.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_04: But left me no time.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_04: Been all over the city, and I made it dance.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_04: But I send you out like you asked.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_04: Not that demanding of a test.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_04: This has been a big beautiful production association with forced censorship media, read about our hosts at step and Jeff.com.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_04: And don't worry about me.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_04: I'll never be a billionaire.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_04: But on your way out, just if you care.