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Wanna Know How To Date? Ask A Man! · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and it's your real life
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: normal single gal host Louise and today, sadly I am
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: holding down before it without my partner in crime, Thelma,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: but I am joined once again and back by popular demand,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: real life single stud JD. I am actually shocked that
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: he is still single and maybe I have a shot,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: but in any event, he is here to answer all
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: of the many questions that came in from our listeners,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and I too, am on baited breath because I'd love
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: to hear from the mind of a guy like him. JD.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome back, Thank you, thanks for having me back.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Of course, last time you were on the pod, people
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: loved hearing what you had to say. So this time
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  Speaker 1: we're going to bring you the questions directly from our listeners.
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  Speaker 2: You ready, yeah, looking forward to Okay.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So our first question comes from a girl named Ashley,
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  Speaker 1: and she's asking what's something a woman might do on
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  Speaker 1: a date that she thinks is charming but a guy
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  Speaker 1: would find cringey.
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  Speaker 2: That's good. One of them might be she might think
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  Speaker 2: it's charming to just not eat anything or eat very lightly,
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  Speaker 2: and I think that comes to mind. I've been on
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  Speaker 2: dates where either the woman doesn't eat at all, or
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  Speaker 2: she ate ahead of time, and I think it's kind
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  Speaker 2: of fun to share the meal with somebody who actually so,
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  Speaker 2: I think that seems charming, I would.
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  Speaker 1: Say, But let me interrupt, because the flip side is
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  Speaker 1: the girl who sits at the table and orders the
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: most expensive thing on the media.
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  Speaker 2: That's true, I would think. I think it's just I
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  Speaker 2: think if you get kind of the uh, you know,
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  Speaker 2: I am just gonna have a drink and aner solid yeah,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm going to have the salad. It's like, there's
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  Speaker 2: nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it's necessarily charming.
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  Speaker 2: It's just I think it's fine to order, you know,
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  Speaker 2: an app, but you know, an entree and a salad whatever.
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  Speaker 2: I wouldn't. I wouldn't hold back having an entre because
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  Speaker 2: you think it's gonna give a bad impression. I guess.
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  Speaker 2: Is my main point. The guy should be grown up
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  Speaker 2: enough if he asked you to dinner, he shouldn't be
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  Speaker 2: upset that you ordered an entre. That's that would be strange.
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  Speaker 2: So I do so don't. It's not cringey and it's
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  Speaker 2: not charming to skip the entree. I would do. Just
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  Speaker 2: you know, just enjoy it or do what you want.
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  Speaker 1: And you know what, But what's interesting is and I've
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  Speaker 1: kind of changed this, this has been a different for one.
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  Speaker 1: One for me is a first date. For me, I
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  Speaker 1: would rather just have a drink. I don't want to
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  Speaker 1: be locked in to a two hour dinner, right because
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  Speaker 1: we kind of know pretty quickly if this is going
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: to be explored on a second date. And so for me,
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  Speaker 1: I would just like to do a quick drink and
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  Speaker 1: then go from there. Now, if the drink is great
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  Speaker 1: and I've had this happen where it hibots to a dinner,
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  Speaker 1: then that's cool, but I would rather just kind of
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  Speaker 1: limit it right out of the gate.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that idea and I've used that one myself.
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  Speaker 2: Where you meet somebody at four, like at four or
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  Speaker 2: five o'clock for a drink. You have a dinner reservation
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  Speaker 2: in the bag, you've already got one locked in for seven,
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: either at the same restaurant or nearby, and if things
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: are going well, you just roll into the dinner, but
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  Speaker 2: you're officially meeting for a drink for happy hour at five,
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: but you've got it if you've got that seven o'clock resie.
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  Speaker 2: If you need it. I think as a guy, that's
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  Speaker 2: a great strategy, and I think you know, for a woman,
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  Speaker 2: it's the same thing. You haven't committed to dinner, but
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  Speaker 2: you could say, hey, this, I'm really enjoying, I'm really
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  Speaker 2: enjoying this. And sometimes the conversation will just keep on
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  Speaker 2: going and you blow right through dinner without even thinking
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: about it. You just start oring food right at the
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: place you were just planning to have a drink, right,
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  Speaker 2: So yeah, it's a lower commitment, less stress, and then
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  Speaker 2: just let it organically either end or move into dinner, right,
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  Speaker 2: but start with a drink. I love it. The dinner
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  Speaker 2: can feel a little intimidating, like the eight o'clock dinner
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  Speaker 2: reservation somewhere. Just meet for a drink at five and
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  Speaker 2: or five thirty, and then let it roll into dinner
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  Speaker 2: if it does, and if it doesn't.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't, you know. And there's also and we could
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  Speaker 1: pop on so I know other listeners are calling in
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  Speaker 1: with questions, but I just find you so interesting.
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  Speaker 2: To talk to.
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  Speaker 1: But there's also a school of thought, which is, you know,
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  Speaker 1: you don't want a first date to go into like
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  Speaker 1: this marathon for five hours where like all of a sudden,
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  Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you've kind of gotten it all
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  Speaker 1: out of the table and there's almost no reason to
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  Speaker 1: go out again in a way, right, Like you want
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  Speaker 1: to leave them wanting more. And I know everybody does
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  Speaker 1: it differently, right, but I do think that sometimes it's
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  Speaker 1: better just to kind of it's almost like the appetizer
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: and not the not the full entree.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get I get I get that. Thinking a
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  Speaker 2: little bit, I guess, I would say there are very
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  Speaker 2: few people that you want to date for months or
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  Speaker 2: years that you run out of You run out of
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  Speaker 2: reasons to hang out after a couple hours. So I don't.
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  Speaker 2: I don't. I'm not a big believer in the hold
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  Speaker 2: back strategy. I think if you like somebody and it's
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  Speaker 2: flowing and you like it, just let it roll. I don't.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, again, this is a guy's perspective,
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  Speaker 2: so I can't. Yeah, I can't give you. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: a woman might have a brilliant strategy of holding back
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  Speaker 2: some some different things to reveal on the second date,
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  Speaker 2: and and and again, maybe that works, maybe it doesn't.
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  Speaker 2: My perspective is if people are vibing and the conversation's flowing,
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  Speaker 2: you know, let it roll and enjoy getting to know
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  Speaker 2: each other, Like why not? But again, just a man's perspective.
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  Speaker 2: If if a woman has a special way to hold
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  Speaker 2: things nuggets back and reveal them over time, and she's
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: got that down, then more power. Like I can't take
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: away from that.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's a combination. But we are here to
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  Speaker 1: hear your perspective, right, because you are. What I appreciate
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  Speaker 1: about you is you are super even super communicative, super transparent,
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  Speaker 1: super mature, like you're you're healthy, right, and so you
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  Speaker 1: are kind of a unicorn. So for us to sit
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  Speaker 1: here and actually learn and listen, this is great tidbits
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  Speaker 1: for us as we are navigating this this dating world.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think if a guy's interested in you,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: the idea that he's going to be like, oh man,
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  Speaker 2: I you know, the first day was so good, but
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  Speaker 2: there was nothing new to talk about on the second day,
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  Speaker 2: Like I just I think that I think that's very rare.
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  Speaker 2: So I would say, I would say, you know, do
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  Speaker 2: what's natural. You don't force yourself to hold back. I
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  Speaker 2: would say, don't don't be like, oh, I was going
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  Speaker 2: to tell this story. It seemed like the perfect time,
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  Speaker 2: but I'm going to hold it back now I can
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  Speaker 2: hold back like I just yeah, yeah, I would just
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: let it go natural, but just you know my two cents.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: This is from a caller named Kim. When you are
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: divorced and dating again, can you date more than one
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  Speaker 1: person at a time? How does that work? Do you
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  Speaker 1: have to tell everyone? At what point do you tell everyone?
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I would love to hear I have my perspective,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: but I would love to hear your perspective.
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  Speaker 2: Sorry that the first part is just that you're single again.
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  Speaker 1: So when you're divorced and dating again, right, and you're
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: and you're you're kind of out there.
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  Speaker 2: Sharing that you're divorced. Is that the piece you're talking
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  Speaker 2: about shuring.
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  Speaker 1: That you're sharing that you're dating multiple times?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I've I've had the one come up a
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  Speaker 2: few times. I think it is. I don't think it
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  Speaker 2: needs to come up in the first, you know, few dates,
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  Speaker 2: or even necessarily in month one or two. I think
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  Speaker 2: the times when it has typically come up in my
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: experience is kind of around month three.
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  Speaker 1: And are you sleeping with that person?
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  Speaker 2: So the sleeping thing, I h do.
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  Speaker 1: You find that there's girl like for me? If I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to sleep with somebody, they're only sleeping with me, right,
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  Speaker 1: so there is a pretty clear conversation.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But I also feel organically, when a relationship is moving authentically,
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  Speaker 1: you don't even almost have to kind of have the
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  Speaker 1: conversation because both people are all in on it. And
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  Speaker 1: if you have to have a conversation and there's some
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  Speaker 1: sort of a of a question or a gray area,
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  Speaker 1: that's not good. But maybe there are guys out there,
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  Speaker 1: or there are girls that are comfortable with people who
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  Speaker 1: have multiple partners.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is one where I think often the woman
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  Speaker 2: takes the lead on this one. But I would say
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  Speaker 2: I've had I've had people I was dating bring it
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  Speaker 2: up before we slept together, like, hey, just so you know,
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  Speaker 2: I'm really only comfortable if we're at a monogamous thing
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  Speaker 2: and they brought it up before. I've had other people
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  Speaker 2: bring it up after we were sleeping together for a month,
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  Speaker 2: let's say, and then they brought it up. So my view,
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  Speaker 2: and I don't know if that's a well, my view
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  Speaker 2: is my advice to the woman asking the question and
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  Speaker 2: to women in general, is bring it up when it
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  Speaker 2: makes when it feels right to you, If you want
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  Speaker 2: to be in a monogamous relationship before and it needs
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  Speaker 2: to be exclusive before you sleep with them, then you
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  Speaker 2: should say that if you're if you're like, well, I
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  Speaker 2: want to kind of see how things are going, what
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  Speaker 2: our chemistry is. Like I'm not so worried about exclusivity
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  Speaker 2: right out of the gate, But if I start getting emotional,
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  Speaker 2: if I start we start getting more attached, and we
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  Speaker 2: start building a deeper relationship, then I want to know
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  Speaker 2: that you're not being as intimate with other people as
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  Speaker 2: you are with me. And so it can happen at
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  Speaker 2: different times for different people. So again, it should be
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  Speaker 2: what feels right to you, I think, and bring it
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  Speaker 2: up when it's right to you. And I think a
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  Speaker 2: man can handle the conversation.
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  Speaker 1: And I would assume, like right out of the gate,
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  Speaker 1: if some girls sitting there saying, oh, and we're exclusive,
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  Speaker 1: and you're going to be like running for the hills,
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  Speaker 1: like that's like Glenn Close's fatal attraction right, Like that
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  Speaker 1: is just way too much. I think. I guess for me,
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  Speaker 1: you just kind of know when it's going in that direction.
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  Speaker 1: It just kind of I don't know, feels yeah or again.
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  Speaker 2: I agree, I don't think there's a formula. I think
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  Speaker 2: it has to kind of you got to bring it
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  Speaker 2: up when it feels like bring it up. But yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I would I would stay away from like the first month,
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  Speaker 2: and then I would also stay away from the opposite
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  Speaker 2: like you know, waiting six months or some other things.
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  Speaker 2: But there's some time when it's going to feel like
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  Speaker 2: you should talk about right.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's it's it's all super super interesting. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: the mind of a man versus the mind of a woman.
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  Speaker 1: It's like that whole book mant are from Mars and
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: man are from Venus. I mean they were kind of
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: onto something, right. It's like you say black, I say, right,
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  Speaker 1: so this is good for us finding the gray.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. And a lot of times the guy is not
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: going to bring this up, and so the woman often
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: has to take the lead on this conversation. I hate,
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I hate for the to get the easy way out
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: in this one, but I do think it's one where
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: a woman might have to lead that conversation.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I was in a situation recently which I alluded
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: to on the previous one, where it was like he
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: was at Z and I was at C. And the
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: more I felt the pressure and the pushback. The more
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I felt like the guy where I was like going
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: the other direction and I and I I just kind
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: of finally had to say, like this, this pace isn't
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: working for me, Like you're you're not reading the room
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: with me right now?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well yeah, people need to read the room. And
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  Speaker 2: I also think, look, there's something fun about it being
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: a little bit light, and it was too heavy, wayful
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: and not heavy in pressure. We have our whole life
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: to have heavy relationships. And if you get in, you know,
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: you get past the first few months and then you're
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: dating a year or two, you can you get to
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: have your whole life to be in a serious relationship.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: So let it be a little bit light and fun
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: in the beginning. And I mean, there's something nice about that.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: It doesn't last very long. Try to enjoy it would
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: be my would be my advice, right, And that's on
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: both sides. The man that was really trying to like
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: come on heavy to you, why can't he be like
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: a little playful in light and enjoy the fact that
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: you don't know what's going to happen for a little while,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: and enjoy that adventure and the mystery of it. It
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: is a rare, beautiful thing. Don't don't let it last
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: one day, like like, enjoy it for a little while.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: It had been like a few months. But whatever, I'm
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: just saying it.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: But my point is you got to read the room
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: and enjoy, enjoy the path that you're on.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: It was too young of a relationship for it to
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: be that way, all right, Moving on, Yes, moving moving
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: on to Janet. Is it an automatic turn off when
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: you meet your girlfriend's friends and they already know everything
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: about you and your relationship?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Not at all? I mean, if you're somebody who is
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: a so first of all, the answer is no, it's
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: not a turn off. The fact that the woman you're
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: dating is interested enough to share things about you with
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: her friends is a compliment to you. And if you
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: don't like being complimented, then that's a whole different issue
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: as a man. But if you're somebody who is I
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: never want to have a girlfriend. I want to be
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: single my whole life, and you're a commitment fobe, then okay,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: somebody talking about you might raise the hair on the
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: back of your neck because you are specifically not trying
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: to have a girlfriend and you're just trying to move
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: from person to person forever, for all time. But for
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: I would say for ninety nine percent of men who
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I would say are normal and mature men. The fact
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: that the person you're interested in is sharing information about
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: you is a huge compliment to you. So just take
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: it as a compliment, mile and move on.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Why are you so healthy?
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Lots of mistakes along the way and a few you know,
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: and some success more recently. But yeah, it took it
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: took a while for me to get there, so hard
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: earned wisdom, the school of hard knocks right.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: My favorite line from last podcast is an ego you
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: learned quickly shore marriage and then you learned again in
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: a long marriage or something. I get it wrong quickly,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: and yes it was like super genius. Okay, Sherry, what
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: is a date that just does not sound fun to
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: you but us girls really love?
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Nothing, nothing comes to mind. I mentioned it last time.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I would say the biggest thing I would I would
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: not be interested is that that first that first date
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: that is a coffee or a lunch. That is a
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: turn off to me. If you're not meeting for drinks
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: or dinner, it feels like someone is so uninterested that
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: they're not even giving you the happy hour, dinner time,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: so that that is the first date. That sounds worse
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: to me is something that's not at least at five
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: pm or later. That's just my view.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm totally with you because where everybody's a little
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: everyone a little like looser and you know, liquid courage
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Right, I think the second date is a perfect time
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: to go on the hike or the bike ride or
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: the whatever. But don't lead with that. It's a bad lead.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: It makes it sound like you are you have other
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: plans that evening. It's just it's just not great.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: What about like dancing or if you know, somebody wants
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: to go like bullying. I mean I wouldn't want to
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: go bowling or to a theme park, but what are
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: those any of those things interesting?
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: That's why Yeah, a theme park on a first date,
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: is it? I would say, is a no? No bowling.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: I actually don't have a problem with you get to
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: kind of you know, you get to have your your
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: you know, your beer, your glass of wine, you get
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: to have a little activity, you get to chat and interact.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: So I don't I don't have a problem with bowling
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: as a first date, but definitely the theme park it's
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: too I mean, it's too long, too big of a commitment,
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: and so I would I would save that for like
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: a third or fourth date, but those are the only
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: ones that really would really get.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: And do you like? Okay, So supposing you're going out
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: on a first date, or let's call it maybe the
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: second date. So we've done the drink and you know,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: we had fun and we're going to go. Do you
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I know that you subscribe as chivalry like I do,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: which is probably our age. Right. Are you the kind
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: of guy who plans the date or do you kind
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: of leave it up for random, Like we get lucky
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and we roll into a restaurant and we're good. Like,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: how do you do it when you're prepping for a date?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: What's your playbook?
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I think this is a chance for you know,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: a man, to be a man and to step up
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: and look plan the first couple of dates. The woman
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: can plan the third date or something, but it's your
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: chance to, you know, make her feel a little bit
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: special and taken care of, and your chance to show
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: that you can you can pull off one of the
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: easiest things in the world, which is finding a happy
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: hour dinner place Like that's not a This is not
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: a high bar. You can pull this off if you're
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: if you're a guy. And again, even if the woman
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: you think is more financially secure than your you are,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I still think in all circumstances, the first couple of
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: dates are on you the first.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Tap, and just do within your needs, right, and if
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: she's not okay with that, then you know you got
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: to kick her to the curb, right.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And if you want to look, if you're if you're, yeah,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: if you go somewhere that's affordable for dinner or drinks,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: that's great on the first date or the second date,
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: or if you take her for a drink on the
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: first date and then you make dinner the second date.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: You can figure out away within your budget to be
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: the man who's leading the way the first couple of dates.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: And it's pretty obvious if somebody's looking looking for a bank, right,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I mean it's right out of the gate. You pick
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: up all that exactly.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: I yeah, just do you and take the lead on
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: the first couple of dates. That's any guy who can't
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: pull that off has I think you're right.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I think there's nothing more attractive than a trigger puller
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: personally and I think that you know, a person wants
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: to know that they can be taken care of, you know,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: not in it, I mean just in a way of
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: like we're going to do this.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: I got this.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Like I remember I was dating a guy and literally
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: he couldn't handle anything. Everything was like I had asked
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: him a question or about a flight or whatever. And
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: we were on a trip and I literally was having
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: my ex husband do something for me because I was
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I was in Europe when I had to get some
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: accomplished and the guy goes, what are you doing? And
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, you can't get it done, like
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I'm you know what I'm saying, And so it was
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: such a turn off to me. He felt like a
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: third kid.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: It's a huge Yeah, it's a huge turnoff. And I
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: think for people that just can't handle planning a day,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: like you said, the woman doesn't feel taken care of,
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: she doesn't get the energy that kind of energy the
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: man being in that role and the woman feeling taken
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: care of. That's that is part of the spark in
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: straight relationships. And if if if a guy starts acting
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: like a third kid, like you said, it's very unattractive.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: This isn't this is a layup, like making a dinner reservation,
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: or this is we're figuring out a trail to go
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: hiking on. These are easy things and if a guy
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: can't pull it off, you have a right to, like
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: you have a right to be unattracted to that person.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Like you, there's no harm in saying, God, I just
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: didn't feel attracted for that. Well, yeah, it's it's on him, Like,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: you shouldn't feel bad that you were like, oh, I
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: feel weird judging him as my third kid. You should
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: not feel bad. He's screwed up, So it's on him.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, no, for Yeah, I.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Mean there's no there's no two ways about it.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm turning my ex husband to handle
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: something we know it was.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Pretty bad, then you know you screwed up.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine? I was like, yeah, we got this right. Okay,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: So moving on, And we touched on this before and
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I actually really appreciated your answer, but somebody did call
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: in to ask this question. So I want to address Rhonda.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: You know, kind of like this stigma of you know,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: some women feel that when they've never been married or
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: never had kids, that that is going to be a
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: red flag to a potential guy that they're dating. You
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: didn't seem that didn't bother you, which I so appreciate it. Similarly,
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: when somebody was sober and you know, obviously you enjoy
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: a cocktail that didn't bother you either. So but some
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: women do feel that way.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't. I don't. Yeah, I've dated women that
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: don't have children. I've dated women that do, and I
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: don't think it's relevant to whether or not you connect
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: deeply with that person you enjoy their company. I don't
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: find it relevant. I think it's like number fifty on
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: the list, like you're not even it's not even top
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: one hundred. For me personally, I think there's so many
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: things about a person that are important. I just look,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: it might be nice to have them in common if
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: you do have kids, or if you don't, it might
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: be nice to have that extra freedom to travel and
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: all that. But assuming you're in the same town and
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: you're not on other sides of the country, I would
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: say that the I would say to women, don't worry
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: about whether you have the same children and no children's
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: status as the person who's asking you out they're interested
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: in you. It's not a problem.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So one thing I'm super curious about, just to ask
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: a question, is, you know, I'd love to understand why
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of men who subscribe to that cliche
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: of like, you know, they're the wealthy, older guy and
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: they want the young piece of ass with like the
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: six pack, when they have virtually I don't think, anything
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: to talk about, but they look good on the arms,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: so it's I guess it's some sort of i'm an agreement, right.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: And then there's men like you or you know, other
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: men I know that they want to be involved with
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: somebody who has you know, shared life experience and there's
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: like that kind of like you know, synchronicity or that
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of connection point. But why do you
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: think some men want that? Like is it something to
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: do with how they feel about themselves on the inside.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I've I've been wondering this because I've
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: seen some of my friends as they've gotten older that
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: women they did have gotten older, and then other friends
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: it's kind of stayed stayed young, and I and and
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: and what's interesting for me is I find it really
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: odd when you're looking for somebody that you connect with
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: that is somebody that you have those deep connections with
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: them that you really feel close to. That you think
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: somebody who's twenty twenty five years younger is going to
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: be your person. I think that's very strange. I again,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: oftentimes I will tell you sometimes those are the people
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: I know who have, you know, the fancy car, and
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: they are worried about their car and their image, and
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: they're worried about their house, and so what they are
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: what they're saying is it's way more important to me
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: what people think of.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Me than how I feel.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Right, It's the most important thing is my image,
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: my brand, how people think of me and my depth
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: my depth of connection with somebody is secondary or tersery
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: to my image out in the world. And look, there
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: are people like that for sure.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Is it also potentially a situation where a man like
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: that who's used to being in charge and calling the
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: shots just doesn't want to be challenged and just figure
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: that they'll be happy to be at the party, Throw
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: them a designer back, take them to a couple of
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: nice restaurants and they'll look good.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I mean that is the other part of it.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: It's actually bring up early good element because I have
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: I have a few friends that are in this in that,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: and they I would say they are Their personality is
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: not wanting to be challenged, not wanting to have that
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: back and forth. They kind of just want to call
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: all the shots. They really like just running the table,
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: making all the decisions, and they really don't want a
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: partner as much as someone who's going to go along
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: with their game plan. And look that that is some
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: people's deal and they like it, and there are people
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: that want to just go along with someone else's game plan.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I don't want to have to make decisions or have
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: to be have an equal seat at the table. I
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: that's just a that's a for me, that's a I
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: don't know. That seems like that's the That seems like
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: that's the ten percent, it's not the ninety percent. It
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: feels like it is out there. I'm not going to
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: say it's not out there, but I don't feel like
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: it's the norm. But it is a thing, and I'm
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: not going to say it's not.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Well, there's definitely an ass for every saddle, and so
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: one of the things I'm super curious about is so
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I am you know, I am one who believes in
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, call it hokey, but I believe in the universe, right,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: and I believe genuinely that people come into our paths
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: for a reason, right. I don't think it's random. It's
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: a lesson or a blessing. You might not know it
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: until you're looking in the rear view mirror, but I
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: do believe there is a reason. I wonder if men
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: subscribe to that or they just think it's some you know,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: kind of fairy tale, you know, bullshit, Like what do
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: you feel about that kind of like.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if the universe is organizing itself
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: to deliver somebody in front of you at the perfect time.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I believe in that theory, although
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: i'd like to. I think what I think is that
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: when you're ready, when you've like worked through a particular
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: lesson and you've gotten to a different type of maturity
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: different people, you start to connect with different people because
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: you're in a different place. And so I do believe
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: your character, your maturity, you processing lessons that you don't
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: want to learn anymore, Like you're like, God, I screwed
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: that up. I'm never doing that again. Once you've really
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: gotten over some bad behavior, you will be attracted and
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: other people will be attracting you. They're completely different. And
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: so when you're in those different stages, I mean the universe, Yeah,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: it does put different people in front of you.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: So that's nature versus nurture in a lot of ways.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Well, you connect, you're open to connecting with a different
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: type of person, and they're connecting with you differently. So
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: so when you change, everything that is in front of
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: you and all of your options changed because you changed.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: And so lens, yeah, your lens changed, your perspective changes,
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: and everything that attracts to you and that you're attracted
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: to changes. So that is one hundred percent I believe
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: in that.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: JD. I have to put a pin in this conversation
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: because there is so much here that I think we're
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: going to be lucky enough to parlay this into two episodes.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: So I know our listeners are going to stay tuned
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: for Part two.