Latest / Found-HER with Kimberley Hiebert / The Blindside Effect

Transcript

The Blindside Effect · Found-HER with Kimberley Hiebert

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know what actually quantum leaps you what actually changes your life?
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: What actually takes the work you've been doing, the day in, day out, the grind, if you will, whatever it is, you know what actually jumps you forward is the shit you don't see coming.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's the blind side.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that might seem kind of rough, but hear me out.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hey Besties, Kimberly Hebert here.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh today we're gonna talk about what happens when we get blindsided and how the best laid plans are great.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's the shit that happens, the shit we don't see coming, moments that really catapult us.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so today that's what we're gonna talk about.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So enjoy your get your if you're driving, uh, get settled in, if you're walking, enjoy your walk, swing those arms.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're sitting back and just chilling, let's let's get into it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So uh a number of years ago, as I was unpacking uh different levels of trauma, if you will, so I had spent most of my life, I had logically and rationally healed from severe, extreme childhood trauma with my mother.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And to the point where I had such a great relationship with my mom and my family, even though I was estranged for them for you know a better part of my childhood.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I was uh horribly hurt um by decisions my mother made um at the hands of my mother, if you will.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so many, many years later, sorry, just trying to connect all this, many, many years later, as I was battling cancer and kind of all that that brings into your world, and that's a different podcast episode, so I won't get too distracted.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, for many people that end up with a uh potentially terminal illness or some kind of like life-stopping moment, I call them, I call them the shit I didn't see coming moments, like slamming into a closed door.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for for people that have had those experiences, it typically sends you on a bit of a trajectory and a bit of a path.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, that happened with cancer.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I, as I started to pursue healing in a much deeper, soulful, cellular, somatic way, I ended up coining this term.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think I did, I don't know, but as things were being made known to me, and as I was being taken through different levels of awarenesses, awakenings, releases, all of that stuff that your body holds on to, I would say, shit, I didn't see that coming.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, some of them were really, really powerful moments.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I've taken this term over the last eight or nine years and have really adapted it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as these are really the blind side moments in our lives.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And some of them can be good.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've had, you know, I've had some really good shit.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't see that coming moments.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and but I've also the majority of them though, are the ones that that drop you to your knees.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: At least in my experience, uh, the blind sides, the majority of them have been painful.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've like I said, I've had a few good ones.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've labeled them door with different doors and have different colors.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I've created just a whole system, ha ha ha, as a franchise, or that's funny.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh if you know, you know, I've created a whole system, if you will.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: But the reason why I say that that this stuff, the shit you don't see coming, is what actually rearranges your life and quantum leaps you is it takes all those things that you've been working on.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're blindsided by an event, somebody's behavior, a health crisis, an unexpected journey, whatever it is, it forces you in that moment.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, it's like all the little ducks that you've put in a row, all the things you've controlled, both to make yourself both the things that you're aware of, like um self-comfort, as well as what's going on behind the scenes, what's really driving your your behavior, all those things get uprooted and they create what do you want to call imbalance.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: They create a disruption to what you know to be a controlled, steady, predictable environment.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And most of us, the majority of us have had experiences.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have to be all like major, you know, capital T trauma, but all most of us have had experiences where things come out of the blue and they happen and it throws off our equilibrium.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, we start to question uh things get threatened, our sense of security, our sense of self, our sense of identity, all those things get threatened when something blindsides you.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so as I was over this last year, I'm starting to put together my memoir, and it's really got me thinking about this shit.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't see that coming moment.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, if you're familiar, Bestie, with my podcast and any of my content, you might have already heard me say this.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: I may have already spoken about this uh in the past because it is so is so prevalent for me.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I don't know if it's because in some ways I'm still naive and I don't expect blind sides uh or they surprise me.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I guess that's what a blind side is, is surprising or the shit you don't see coming.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So uh for me, these are always the moments that, like I said, they will quantum leap you if you're open to moving through them.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: They don't quantum leap you to bypass the situation, good or bad.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: The whole point isn't to step over or jump over.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know about you guys, but in my head, when I think leaping, quantum leaping, I literally figuratively see myself leaping over something.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish it was that easy.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I wish quantum leaping and rearranging your life was really that pleasant and easy, uh, like a long jump, if you will.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: It just hasn't been in my experience.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Even in the good blindsides, there's been learning that goes along with that.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, and then the the deep dark ones, right?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: The ones that drop you to your knees.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is my system, if you will, for lack of a better word.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is my process.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is the thing that helps me quantum leap every time I get blindsided.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to know that the ones I'm gonna like what I'm gonna share are come come from the the difficult moments because I think that it's easy for humans to be open when things are good and we're open to those blindsides and just you know, in flow and joy and abundance, and there's not really a need to figure out what's happening unless there's an overdoing of something.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It tends to be when we're in pain and discomfort that we really dig deep, at least that's been my experience, that I really dig deep into the lessons, the learnings.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: How do I, and so that's what I mean is not bypassing the blind side.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want that.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's not it.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the that's not what the quantum leap is for.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: But the learnings in the blind side take you to places that challenge the reality that you had been living in.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's literally what it is.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when those challenges are presented and that reality is compromised and being challenged, of course, our natural tendency is to fight back or is to push back, is probably a better word, to try to continue to create the stable environment and predictability and safety and security that we've grown accustomed to.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so every time I get a blind side, and I hate to say this, but it still does happen, still does happen a couple of times a year, most times it will it will be a shock.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the first part of the process is always the shock.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the shock to the system, the shock to your brain, your body, just all of it is just like it sometimes it can be like almost like where a door had where you're running and you run right into a door that you thought was open, but it's somebody slammed it shut and you bounce back from it.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's what that initial blowback feel.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's a blowback.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I I mean, I as I'm as I'm talking and sharing, I'm feeling this in my body right now because that's literally what it feels like.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you get taken out at the knees and you're you're like, what the hell just happened?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's definitely a shock.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And for some people, they that shock, and you can live in that shock for a long period of time, depending on what's going on.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I lived, you know, at different levels.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've lived in the state of shock.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the things that came up when I when I was diagnosed with cancer, okay, that was that was a shit I didn't see come in moment.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And what I did is I told my family, I right or wrong, I needed to still control the shock phase.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because something for me, something like that, it really did take me down a hole.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a type of person, again, because of the need of control and progression, I feel like I always need to be moving towards something and uh, you know, controlling how I do that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's all rooted in from past experiences.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I was diagnosed with cancer, for instance, I gave myself three days to live in shock.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Three days to be, you know, uh scared, numbed out, eat what I want.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was just in shock.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was just in shock, uh, talking.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: How does this happen?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Is this for real?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Did this really happen to me?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you start kind of like, you know, whatever it can be, maybe it's a loved one whose behavior has changed radically or somebody's made some kind of accusation, and you're like, what the fuck?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: What is going on?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's those shock moments.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So first there's the shock, and that's the shock because our reality, like I said, that we know is changing.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then we go into kind of like the next phase of, well, how do I control this?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: How can I, how can I manage the narrative?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: How can I find a way to feel safe and secure through this, you know, place of uh acceptance?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it kind of is like, I want to say it's like the grief cycle, although it's not really a grief cycle.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's not really, there's not really a cycle.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's because like grief, uh, these things come, they don't necessarily come one after the other in a linear way.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can go back and forth.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a process, a system.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not necessarily like a linear progression.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just keep that in mind.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So even though I'm talking about it like in a linear way, but there's these different environments in the system of your life being rearranged or quantum leafing leaping when shit happens that you don't see that takes you to your knees.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, like I said, there's the shock face, and then there's the uh, I guess it's the negotiation.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: You start to, did I imagine that?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You start to question yourself.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you maybe you're different.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, maybe I'll just kind of you know, you start like justifying and negotiating and trying to you're you're almost in um bargaining.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's the word.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, sorry, menopause.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Bargaining, you're in that bargaining phase.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll just meet it head on and I'll do what they say, or I'll, you know, approach it this way or that way.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're just kind of bargaining to try to get through it.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, again, it's still uh it's still this, it's still in relation to not accepting that your current reality is going to be changing.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's this like thing, this system that I go through.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, sometimes it's fast, it moves fast, other times it's very slow and painful, and I go back and forth.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so after that, and so this is how I like I said, this is how I end up quantum leaving.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: So after that, so there's the shock phase for me, there's the bargaining phase, then there's the acceptance.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, this is the new reality.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: This, and so it's you're recalibrating through all of this, you're having to recalibrate, and there's different strategies that that I use that you can use as you go through this, right?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is where people like self-care, and I roll my eyes as I say that self-care and meditation and journaling and sound baths and healing treatments, uh, whatever it is, all the things that help you to re-ground and kind of reconnect to yourself because you have to check in.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: You when you're going through this, you have to check in with yourself to make sure that you're not reacting out of a past or an old wound, for instance.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's an old wound of they don't like me.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Something's somebody's now pulled away from you.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, or uh, in my cases, I've had friends up and just not talk, stop talking to me for eight years.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: You bet that triggered, oh my gosh, what's wrong with me?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the things that's really important when you're going through a shit, I didn't see that coming moment, is is understanding more about yourself than what's actually caused the blind side.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And people tend to focus on the blind side, like the event.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, cancer or for the friend that cut me off, well, friends plural.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really easy to focus on the external piece, but really what is the most helpful for your growth and quantum leaping and mine is to look inside, inward, to make sure that it's not the wounded part of you, your wounded teenage self, your wounded childhood self, your wounded adult self.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not one of those insecurities that's your ego that's reacting.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is the most important part, and that is the growth phase, because you don't want to go through all that shit to not actually quantum leap and then have to go through that shit again for the exact same reason.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so remembering, and so, like I said, this is my process.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: I get to a place where I'm at an acceptance phase.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, when I look at the really big things, I think that that typically takes me two to three weeks, maybe a month, depending on the severity.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Of like, okay, this is the new reality.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is this is this circumstance, this is the new reality.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: What and how do I navigate moving forward?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because those things are still gonna feel awkward because it is now I'm recalibrating to a new reality.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: That new reality is gonna have some new energy gaps and new energy presence.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have to get used to that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think I feel like people might think quantum leaping is like, yeah, just go leapfrog, right?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: From one pad to another, it's all good stuff, good stuff, good stuff.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: I disagree.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is your this is your dose of reality.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think there can be, there is always good stuff, of course, but in the shit you don't see coming, in the blind side, in the quantum leap of that, you have to do the work internally, you have to be inward focused, even if you weren't part of the the blind side and understanding the external reality was just a player in your growth and your expansion.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so to kind of wrap this up, I want, I guess the for you, the takeaway for you, and wrapping this up into a nice little bow, bestie, is ask yourself this.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: When you get blindsided, what what is your go-to?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: What is your first reaction?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to write this down.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Grab a notebook, you know, save the episode, send a note to yourself, a voice note to yourself.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to write this down.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: When I get blindsided, what is the first thing I do?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: What is my process for moving through?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And see if you can, in this moment, before you're going through one, if you're not going through one right now, is see if you can use some hindsight to go back and look at a behavior of the past and how you've worked through that and kind of write those down and get yourself ready.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not calling things into being, but shit does happen.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Life does happen.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when when we're searching for the next level of ourselves and our business and our impact and our family, whatever it is in our growth, there's gonna be these things we can't control everything.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we're gonna organize all of our ducks and get them in a row, and we're gonna be good stewards and be diligent and practice, practice, practice whatever the skill is we're developing, whatever we're trying to.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then something's gonna happen in the universe and it's gonna throw you off course.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want you to go back to this.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to go back to this list.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to look at your past behavior and say, in the current blind side moment, I want you to say this.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: How can I quantum leap through this?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not bypass what are the steps that I need to go through?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: How will I know that I've quantum leap?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because then what happens is at the end, whatever the end looks like, I think to me, the end is the recalibration to the new reality and feeling grounded within it and finding then the new paved paths that are laid out from that new reality.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I hope this makes sense, besties.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Please send me an email, a DM on Instagram, any of that.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear your process for when you get blindsided or when you say this.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Shit, I didn't see that coming.