Latest / The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson / The Art of Doing Nothing: Rediscovering Quiet Moments

Transcript

The Art of Doing Nothing: Rediscovering Quiet Moments · The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson

• 0:00
  Welcome back. I'd like to begin today with a question.
• 0:04
  When was the last time you simply sat down with nowhere to be?
• 0:09
  Not waiting for an appointment, not checking your phone, not eating lunch between
• 0:13
  meetings, just sitting.
• 0:16
  It's an odd question, isn't it?
• 0:19
  Not because it's difficult to answer, because many of us honestly can't even remember.
• 0:24
  Somewhere along the way, waiting became something to avoid.
• 0:29
  If we're standing in line, we reach for our phones If we arrive early for an appointment,
• 0:35
  we answer one more email If we're waiting for the microwave,
• 0:38
  we scroll through the news It's almost as if every quiet moment we have has
• 0:43
  become a problem that needs solving,
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  But what if those quiet moments were never simply empty to begin with?
• 0:51
  What if they were quietly offering us something we've forgotten how to receive?
• 0:57
  You know, I like to find park benches or things to sit on.
• 1:00
  When I was in high school, I kind of stayed to myself.
• 1:04
  At lunch, I used to look forward to walking to an open field near the high school.
• 1:08
  There was a huge water pipe, and I would sit on it, and with my bag lunch,
• 1:13
  just eat my lunch and think about things.
• 1:17
  I remember the English class I had just before lunch. I would be watching the
• 1:20
  clock just ticking, ticking, ticking. When can I get to my pipe?
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  I don't know, this was a time for me just to dream. For a while,
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  I decided to join two of my friends and just sit and have lunch with them in
• 1:33
  the stairwell in the school building.
• 1:37
  And I realized quickly it just wasn't the same as sitting on my pipe.
• 1:42
  Now, if there had been a park bench instead of a pipe, that would have been really cool.
• 1:47
  So there are park benches, though, for you, almost everywhere.
• 1:52
  Outside hospitals, along walking trails, near lakes and city parks,
• 1:58
  at airports, outside schools.
• 2:01
  I've noticed something about those benches. Most of us walk right past them.
• 2:06
  Not because we're in a terrible hurry, because we've forgotten what they're for.
• 2:11
  Years ago, a bench meant rest. Today, it often feels like an obstacle between
• 2:17
  us and the next thing on our calendar.
• 2:19
  You see, we've become very good at moving We're just not always sure where we're going.
• 2:25
  I don't really think this episode, though, is about park benches.
• 2:28
  I think it's about permission.
• 2:30
  Permission to stop trying to become someone for just a few minutes.
• 2:35
  Permission to simply be the person you already are. That sounds easy.
• 2:39
  But many of us have spent years measuring our lives by productivity.
• 2:44
  How many meetings did I have? How many emails did I answer?
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  How many things did I finish? And those questions matter.
• 2:52
  But they're just not the only questions worth asking Sometimes a better question
• 2:58
  is How present was I today?
• 3:02
  Did I actually notice my life while I was living it?
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  Or was I so busy preparing for tomorrow that I missed today?
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  You know, completely As a small child, I also used to like to sit and think,
• 3:15
  I would sit and imagine what basketball, football, and baseball stadiums look like on the inside.
• 3:23
  I was fascinated by sports and for some reason fascinated by stadiums of all kinds.
• 3:29
  And I would just imagine what it would be like to play in those stadiums during
• 3:33
  my simply sitting and thinking time.
• 3:36
  Because you see, children don't have to learn how to be present.
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  Watch a young child sometime.
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  They'll spend 10 minutes watching an ant carry a leaf.
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  They'll throw rocks into a pond without caring how many they've thrown.
• 3:50
  They'll stare at clouds and somehow never worry that they're wasting time.
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  Somewhere between, I don't know, childhood and adulthood, many of us begin believing
• 4:00
  that every minute has to accomplish something.
• 4:03
  Maybe that's one reason adulthood feels so exhausting.
• 4:08
  We're always trying to justify the next five minutes.
• 4:12
  Perhaps life was never asking us to justify it. Perhaps it was just simply asking us to notice it.
• 4:20
  You know, I've discovered something else. When you're walking,
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  your attention naturally focuses on where you're going.
• 4:26
  But when you're sitting, your attention begins to notice what's already here.
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  A child laughing. Someone patiently teaching a grandson to ride a bicycle.
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  An older couple holding hands. A dog happily pulling its owner toward the next interesting smell.
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  When? Moving through the trees.
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  None of those moments make the evening news. yet somehow they're the moments that stay with us.
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  Because life often whispers, it rarely shouts.
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  Sometimes when I'm at the airport, I like to just sit and watch people and wonder,
• 5:02
  you know, what are their lives about?
• 5:04
  What's happening? What are they thinking about? Where are they going? What are they doing?
• 5:08
  I found this kind of fascinating.
• 5:10
  One of the quiet surprises of growing older also is realizing that not everything
• 5:15
  important can be hurried.
• 5:17
  You know, Trees grow slowly, friendships deepen slowly, healing takes time,
• 5:22
  trust takes time, and understanding our own lives often takes years.
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  The older I get, the less interested I am in rushing through these experiences
• 5:32
  simply so I can say I finished them.
• 5:35
  I become much more interested in experiencing them while they're happening.
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  And I think that's a different way to live. Not slower because we're lazy,
• 5:44
  but slower because we're paying attention.
• 5:47
  I used to not like to walk on the treadmill at the gym. I found it extremely boring.
• 5:52
  And if I was walking for 30 minutes, I would have the towel over the timer.
• 5:56
  And every once in a while, I would move the towel to see how much time I had left.
• 6:01
  But things have changed. Now I love walking on the treadmill.
• 6:05
  Sometimes with a podcast and most often nothing. Just staring out the window, if there's a window.
• 6:12
  And thinking and feeling blessed that I have 25 or 30 minutes just to think and move.
• 6:20
  Because my treadmill, I found, although I've been a runner all my life,
• 6:24
  is more enjoyable than running because it gives me a little more space to think.
• 6:29
  I've also noticed something about the answers I'm searching for.
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  They almost never arrive, you know, when I'm rushing towards something.
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  They rarely appear when I'm, you know, checking one more message.
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  They usually show up when I'm walking or sitting or driving maybe without the
• 6:45
  radio or watching the sunrise, you know, with a cup of coffee.
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  And not because I'm trying harder Because I'm finally quiet enough to notice,
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  Maybe wisdom has been speaking all along Maybe we've just been too busy to hear it,
• 7:00
  There's another reason I like park benches When you sit on one,
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  everyone becomes equal The executive, the student, the retiree, the child The tourist,
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  The person who's celebrating And the person who's grieving For a few minutes,
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  they simply are just people Sharing the same piece of the world Sometimes I
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  think we need more places like that,
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  Places where nobody Has to really, you know, prove anything,
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  When I have a quiet Moment with my wife Or sharing a walk Or,
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  you know, when we simply sit together There's no need to fill the silence With
• 7:35
  conversation We just sit.
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  So if you happen to pass maybe a park bench today, don't expect something dramatic to happen.
• 7:46
  You probably won't have a life-changing insight.
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  You know, I'm sure the birds will still sing. Cars will still drive by.
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  People will continue walking.
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  The world won't pause just because you did. But something inside you might.
• 8:00
  And sometimes that's enough.
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  Maybe becoming deeply human isn't about adding more to life.
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  Maybe it's about making enough room.
• 8:10
  To notice a life we've already been given. So here's my invitation.
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  Sometime this week, find a bench or a chair or a quiet place under a tree or,
• 8:24
  even a pipe and sit there for just five minutes.
• 8:29
  Leave your phone in your pocket. Don't try to solve anything.
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  Just notice. Notice the sounds.
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  Notice a light. Notice your breathing.
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  Notice the people around you. And, of course, most important, notice yourself.
• 8:46
  Because the life you're hoping to build is quietly unfolding right now.
• 8:52
  Thank you for spending these few minutes with me. I appreciate that.
• 8:57
  Until next time, take good care of yourself.