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Forgiveness After Relationship Disappointment and Heartbreak · Kingdom Spouse Disappointment | Healing, Heartbreak, God Revealed Relationship, The One,

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  Have you ever known that you're supposed to forgive someone,
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  but if you're being completely honest, you're still not there yet?
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  Maybe you can say the words, I forgive them, but underneath those words,
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  there's still something.
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  There's probably still disappointment.
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  Maybe there's still questions, right?
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  There are still moments when you remember what happened,
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  and you thought to yourself how how could you do that to me or how could you
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  let things unfold like this,
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  right and maybe you might even wonder to yourself i'm a christian so why am i still angry,
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  Why does forgiveness feel so hard right now?
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  Does forgiving someone mean that what happened wasn't bad?
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  Or does forgiving someone mean that I let them back into my life?
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  If you've ever wrestled with any of those questions, stay with me.
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  Because today, we're talking about forgiveness.
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  In today's episode, we're going to focus on three things.
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  First, what forgiveness is and what it isn't.
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  Second, why forgiveness can be especially difficult after relationship disappointment.
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  And thirdly, how can we begin to surrender the hurt to God without pretending
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  that we're no longer hurt?
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  So definitely stick around as we go more into this soon.
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  Have you ever believed God showed you your future spouse only for the relationship
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  to end or never even begin?
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  You are not alone.
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  Welcome to Kingdom Spouse Disappointment, a space for honest conversations about
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  Christian dating, heartbreak, and healing.
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  If you've ever said, I thought God told me they were the one.
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  This podcast is for you. Here, we process the pain, rebuild the trust in God,
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  and rediscover hope, one honest conversation at a time.
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  When a relationship ends, we often talk about the heartbreak.
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  We talk about the future that disappeared. We talk about the unanswered questions.
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  But sometimes there is another layer underneath all of that.
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  And that leaves us with the question what do I do with what that person did
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  to me or what I experienced,
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  because heartbreak isn't always just about sadness sometimes it's anger sometimes
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  it's betrayal disappointment resentment,
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  and sometimes there is unforgiveness,
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  sometimes you're replaying conversations in your head thinking about what they
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  said what they didn't say what they did what they didn't do and maybe what should
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  have happened differently,
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  and sometimes especially if you believe that this relationship was something that.
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  God revealed or something that God showed you would come to pass or was something
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  that God was orchestrating, the pain can become even more complicated,
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  right?
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  And the truth is that under all of that, oftentimes, is forgiveness.
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  Now, let's take a quick look at Ephesians 4, 31-32. to.
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  So this is the NIV version. It says, Get rid of all bitterness,
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  rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
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  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other,
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  just as in Christ God forgave you.
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  Now, I like to sometimes when I'm reading a scripture, Look at,
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  you know, various translations and just cross-reference.
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  And I'm going to also read from the easy version.
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  And it says, Do not be jealous of other people.
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  Do not become angry or shout at them.
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  Do not quarrel with other people or insult them.
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  Do not do anything or say anything that will hurt other people.
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  Instead, help one another and be kind to each other. Forgive one another.
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  Remember that God has forgiven you because of what Christ has done.
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  Now, looking at this scripture, right, we notice something important.
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  The Bible doesn't pretend that anger and so forth doesn't exist,
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  right? Because it names it. It says, get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, etc..
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  Right? So these are real emotions. So the invitation isn't to pretend.
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  Those emotions aren't there. The invitation is rather not to allow them to stay there. Right?
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  Now, we're going to talk now a bit about what forgiveness is.
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  Now technically forgiveness is choosing to release the debt of someone,
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  in other words it's like giving someone a clean slate right choosing to let
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  go of the wrong that they did.
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  And trust me it is not easier said than done forgiveness can be hard like really
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  really really really really hard.
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  But that is why we ask God to help us. Now, if you are experiencing a relationship disappointment,
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  there are a wide array of things you could be trying to forgive, right?
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  It could be forgiving the person for how it ended, forgiving someone for breaking
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  their promises, maybe Maybe forgiving them for all the time and so forth.
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  That time that you felt like you lost or wasted.
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  Maybe even trying to forgive in a case where there might have been some sort of manipulation.
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  Especially if the person probably used their spiritual giftings or their title
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  or position in the church to manipulate the relationship.
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  And I'm sure there are several other things, right?
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  So yeah, there could be a lot of things that, you know, from this relationship disappointment,
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  you are trying to forgive. And it could be that it seems extremely hard to do so.
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  But I want you to know that it is possible.
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  Now, you might ask, why do I need to forgive? And that's a very good question.
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  Why do I need to forgive?
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  Well, the truth is that the answer is plain and simple, right?
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  We must forgive others because Christ forgave us.
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  As previously quoted in Ephesians 4.32, it says, Be kind and compassionate to one another.
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  We're giving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.
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  And if we even cross-reference, you know, based on what other scriptures or
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  verses, you know, have to say in the Bible, when we take a look at Matthew 6,
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  right after the Lord's Prayer, it says that if you forgive others that sin against
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  you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you.
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  But if you don't forgive your heavenly father will not forgive you right and
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  that that's that's the word that's that's bible so yeah,
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  so looking at it the truth is that god has lavished his love his grace his mercy,
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  his faithfulness and his forgiveness on us,
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  and in response to that He wants us to demonstrate that same love and forgiveness to others.
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  He wants us to reflect His character, to reflect His image.
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  He wants us to shine our light so others might see and glorify Him in heaven.
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  No, the truth is that saying that you must forgive someone because God forgives
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  you does not necessarily address the true emotion of hurt you are feeling.
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  It's like, okay, I should forgive because God forgave me. But what happens to
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  the hurt? What happens to the pain?
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  What happens to all of what I'm experiencing right now?
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  Guess what? And God, in His Word, also says that He heals the brokenhearted,
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  and bandages up their wounds.
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  So the Word of God also gives room for your hurt and a way for it to be healed.
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  Plus, look at this. Let me use an example. Look at this.
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  So, even though you forgive others because or just as God forgave you,
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  you also forgive to release the burden you are carrying, right?
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  Imagine that unforgiveness is a 10-pound rock or even a 10-pound dumbbell, right?
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  Imagine carrying that around 24 7,
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  right day after day month after month month after month year after year and
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  sometimes even decades just imagine,
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  you know you wake up you have this 10 pound dumbbell you know,
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  you are bathing getting ready you have this this 10 pound rock or dumbbell you're eating
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  you have this this 10 pound rock or dumbbell you go to the restroom you have
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  this 10 pound rock or dumbbell it's like something you just can't put down it's always in your hand,
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  no matter what you do. That is what unforgiveness is.
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  So yes, you forgive others because God has forgiven you.
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  But at the same time, you forgive others to release this heavy burden you are carrying.
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  Because think about it. Yes, the person has hurt you with whatever happened.
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  But don't also now add more hurt to yourself by carrying around that burden of unforgiveness.
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  Now, let us, you know, as we discuss this, also just clear up a few things about
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  what forgiveness is not.
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  Right? Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was okay.
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  Especially if it was something that maybe broke some form of civil law, legal law, or so forth.
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  I'm not saying, okay, you forgive the person when they abused you,
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  so you're not going to report it. No, right? No.
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  That is definitely not what we're
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  saying here, right? Forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay.
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  Like you can forgive someone and still have boundaries.
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  You can forgive someone and they're no longer in your life, right?
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  You no longer have a relationship or friendship.
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  You can forgive someone and they might not have access to certain parts of your life.
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  So maybe there is still some level of camaraderie and interaction,
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  but maybe there are certain parts of your life that they don't have access to.
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  Also, another point that I want to make is that forgiveness does not mean that
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  the hurt will always automatically disappear instantly, right?
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  The truth is that healing doesn't always happen in one dramatic moment.
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  And sometimes, you know, you forgive and then,
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  you know, maybe something else comes up in your mind later down and you might
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  have to reanalyze and say, OK, God, I'm giving this to you again. Right.
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  And you know what someone once told me?
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  I don't remember who said it to me or maybe I heard it at church.
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  But I remember someone saying that forgiveness at times is like an onion.
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  You are constantly peeling away the layers.
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  Now, I just want us to pause for a moment and I want you to think about the
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  person you're struggling to forgive.
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  And don't just immediately say, I forgive them. Instead, ask yourself,
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  what am I actually holding on to?
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  Is it anger? Is it the desire for an apology?
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  Is it the need for them to understand is it the hope,
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  that they'll realize what they lost is it a need for justice or is it grief,
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  right is it that you fear that if you forgive them,
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  you're somehow saying that what happened didn't matter just just pause and and,
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  and sit with that for a moment, right?
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  Because sometimes unforgiveness is greatly linked to unprocessed pain.
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  And God would want to meet you there, you know, meet you there where you have
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  that unprocessed pain so that you can,
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  process it with the Lord and so that He can help you by His Holy Spirit and
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  his strength and his word to forgive this person.
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  Yeah, so I am just going to do a quick prayer.
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  A quick prayer, and this is a very familiar prayer.
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  So, our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.
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  May your kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
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  Give us today the food we need and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
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  Don't let us yield to temptation, but instead rescue us from the evil one.
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  For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. forever and ever amen,
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  yeah so as we we come close to wrapping up i just want to leave with you the
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  truth for the journey for this week and,
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  your truth for the journey will be that forgiveness doesn't erase what happened,
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  instead it releases your future from being controlled by what happened.
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  Yeah, so think about that person you are trying to forgive and bring it to the Lord.
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  Just bring it to the Lord because God can work with an honest heart.
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  With a contrite heart, right?
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  So thank you so much for joining. once again my name is laurie the host of this
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  podcast kingdom spouse disappointment,
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  if today's episode has touched you you know,
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  please leave a comment please like please subscribe and follow,
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  as well as if there's someone out there that you know that this episode would definitely,
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  touch or or help share it share it with them right so they too can be encouraged,
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  So have a good day, have a great rest of your week and be blessed. Bye.