Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why some narcissists would really just like to be alone

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Why some narcissists would really just like to be alone · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Some narcissists and toxic people actually like to be left
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  by themselves and they actually hate the fact that they need
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  people. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of the
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  narcissist Code. I use my platform on social
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  media to raise the words for MPD, get more people into
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  therapy, and also validate victim survivors and thrivers of
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  said disorders. Say toxic people say toxic
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  tricks. Today's episode, Y'all we're
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  talking about that, talking about just that.
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  Y'all how some narcissists would actually like to be alone, but
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  they can't. They would like to be alone, but
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  they can't be alone. They hate the fact that they
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  need people, you know? And you hear them say this
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  sometimes y'all some narcissists will tell you out, will
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  literally open their mouths and tell you up front, just, hey, I
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  wish I could be just left by myself.
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  I wish I could be alone. I wish I would.
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  If I could, I would just move to the middle of nowhere and not
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  have to deal with people, you know?
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  They and I know. Yeah, and this.
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  The fact that you want to be alone in the middle of nowhere
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  by yourself does not mean that you're narcissist.
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  Because I know people are going to say, well, Lee, this how I
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  feel nothing. I don't want to be left alone
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  too y'all. This is not.
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  It does not make you a narcissist.
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  I said some narcissist to people like this, some narcissist want
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  to be left by themselves, but they hate needing people.
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  Do you need people to validate your to validate your existence?
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  You need people. Do you seek people and use
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  people to serve purposes in your life?
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  Do you, you. And with the intent, do you seek
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  people out with the intent on getting people to getting those
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  people to serve you or use them for something in your life?
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  That's what the that's what the differential comes in there
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  right there. That's the difference.
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  Intent matters. You know, I'm intentional, like
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  that's what a lot of a lot of people don't understand.
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  That space right there was like the intent behind the actions
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  absolutely matters. What is the intent here?
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  What is your intentions with this space right here?
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  Like some narcissists, like want to be left alone because they
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  don't feel like they fit into society.
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  Like, this is a lot of my mindset as well.
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  Like for a long time growing up, I felt like an alien.
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  I felt like I was out of place everywhere I went, even if I
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  yeah, even if I was in a big crowd of people.
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  Like I always felt like I was by myself.
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  If y'all ever seen the movie The this no.
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  What's the movie? Bruce Willis Unbreakable.
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  Where Bruce Willis Where he he went out into or just any movie.
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  Have you seen any movie where they all, like set a camera up
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  in New York City and everybody else is moving around and
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  there's that one person that's standing still.
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  That's how I felt. I feel like the world would be
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  moving around me and everybody else is just I was.
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  I'd just be standing still like I stood out.
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  I felt like I just didn't fit into the society I wanted to be
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  by myself, but I needed people and I hated that.
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  I y'all. I hate the fact that I need
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  people. I hate it.
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  You know, That's why you get a lot of narcissists, y'all who
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  don't want to be, who cannot stand any by themselves.
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  They don't want to be with you. They don't want to be with
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  anybody. But they cannot be by
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  themselves. Because when they are, when they
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  are alone with their thoughts, their thoughts become their
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  enemies. Their thoughts will attack them.
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  Shame would come in. Like if I don't get validation
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  from someone else, then shame will attack me.
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  And shame is a great provocation for narcissist and toxic people
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  alike. Shame is a great provocation.
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  Shame provokes narcissist Y'all. Shame provokes.
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  It's like, like, you know, like poking, like poking the
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  narcissist. It absolutely is.
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  That happens so much. And that's why I tell people
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  just like they Some of them want to be by themselves, Absolutely.
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  Some of them absolutely want to be by themselves because it
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  empowers them to be by themselves.
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  Like like they like it. It's like, well, I don't have
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  to. I don't have to deal with
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  anybody else. I can be by myself on this
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  island. Yeah, they can be by themselves
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  on a certain island and whatnot, but that's the space.
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  Y'all. That's the space.
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  A lot of times a lot of narcissists that people face,
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  they would love to belong on that deserted island, but they'd
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  be disconnected from everybody. And that's scary.
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  And until they narcissists can sit by themselves and and can
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  stand to be by themselves, they won't get better.
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  They won't. Yeah, because I've been.
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  This is me. This is my personal, this is my
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  personal perspective right here. Because I've been in
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  psychotherapy for six years, right?
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  The 1st 2 1/2 years I was in therapy.
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  Almost three years I was in therapy.
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  Like my wife still left at the halfway point of my therapy,
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  right. My wife still left because I
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  wasn't getting any better, because I still felt like I
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  needed people until I could sit. And she needed to leave because
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  her leaving actually gave me the time to sit by myself, actually
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  actually gave me the time to be by myself and sit by myself and
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  sit in the shame of my house at night time by myself.
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  And that's the point right there where I realized I can do this.
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  I can get better because I can sit by myself in the shame.
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  I can sit by myself in the darkness.
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  I can sit by myself in the house, all alone with nobody
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  else talking to. I didn't happen on dating apps.
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  I didn't do anything. I didn't seek attention from
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  anybody else. I deleted my I deleted all my
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  social media apps except for TikTok.
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  Because TikTok was where I was trying to build a platform for
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  being funny. Not for, not for, not for
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  narcissism content. My funny stuff has come back
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  here pretty soon. Y'all.
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  I'm just getting my family more into that.
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  But that's how it went. That was a part of it right
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  there. Y'all that's a part of the
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  dynamic. It's a part of the space and the
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  peace that a lot of us face right there.
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  Absolutely true. It's absolutely a part of it.
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  You know, you got to figure we have to figure it out.
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  We have to get there. Like the narcissist has to be OK
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  with being by themselves, because on a deserted island, by
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  themselves, they're going to get tortured.
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  They just, Oh yeah, that's that's part of it.
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  On a deserted island, by themselves, they're going to get
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  tortured. And the person that is going to
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  torture them or the the thing that is going to torture them is
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  themselves. Keep it real, keep it high.
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  The thing that is going to torture the narcissist on that
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  deserted island is themselves because their thoughts were
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  starting to attack them. Their thoughts were just like
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  you're not, you're not doing anything.
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  You're worthless. You're a bad person.
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  Nobody needs you, nobody wants you.
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  You are alone on a deserted island and nobody even misses
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  you. Nobody needs you.
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  You could dial on the deserted island and nobody will even
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  know. You're pathetic.
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  You're useless. That's what my mind is telling
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  me. Y'all when I'm by myself.
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  So I would love to be by myself, but I can't.
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  I hate that I need people. And the fact that some
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  narcissists hate that they need people.
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  That's why they treat people badly.
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  Like I hate that I need you around me.
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  I hate that I hate that you. I hate the fact that you are.
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  You are a requirement for my my normalcy, for my thoughts to for
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  my thoughts to cool down. I hate the fact that I have to
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  use you to be here. I hate the fact that you have to
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  be here to do this for me. I hate it.
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  It sucks. It stings y'all So they treat
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  you badly because you are there. You are in their orbit, you are
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  in this circle with them. You see how that works out?
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  It's a it is a it is a mind game that we play.
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  And me, because I'm so self aware of my surroundings, I'm so
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  self aware of who I am and what I have going on.
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  This just allows me a different type of introspection.
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  Because I understand it and because I can understand it, I
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  can deal with it on AI, can deal with it on a higher frequency.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because I understand it.
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  I can deal with it on a way higher frequency than a lot of
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  other people. Because a lot of people, yeah,
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  be real, be realistic. A lot of people don't want to
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  deal with it. A lot of people it hurts to deal
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  with. It sucks to deal with it.
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  I hate, like the fact that I need people, but I hate people,
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  not hate people, but I hate to be to be around people.
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  That sucks. You see what I'm saying?
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  It just it it is a wild process because you've finally dealt
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  with this before. This video might open your eyes
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  up to why a narcissist. The person treats you so badly
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  even though you haven't done anything to deal with.
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  You haven't done anything wrong. You know, they treat you badly,
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  but they won't let you go. What kind of, yeah.
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  What kind of? What kind of mindset is that?
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  They treat you badly. They know they're treating you
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  badly, but they won't let you go.
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  Why? Yeah, because.
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  Yeah, because they think they own you.
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  But why? Why?
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  They need to own you? Why not let you go?
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  Let you go? Be happy with somebody else
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  because they need you. They need you.
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  And this is not me. Yeah, because I say they need
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  you. This is not me saying I and this
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  because I said I need you. This is not me telling you.
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  Go back to the person, 'cause they need you.
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  Don't do. Don't do that.
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  If this is if you're looking for a sign, this ain't it.
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  Matter of fact, y'all sidebar. Somebody sent me an article on
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  Cora the other day. Some woman, like, literally
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  snatched my words from one of my videos and wrote it as like, one
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  of her, like, blog pieces. I was like, what the hell?
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  Like, literally word for it. When I said in the video, she
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  put it as one of her blogs, I was like, Yikes, somebody sent
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  it to me. It's like, Lee, did you didn't
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  you say this in the video? It was literally word for it.
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  When I said in one of my videos about if you're looking for a
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  sign to go back to your narcissist, this is not it.
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  This ain't it. Like, that's literally what I
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  said. That's why she sent it to me.
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  Well, I guess my words are helping you out.
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  If you use my words. It's a blog.
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  That's wow. That's wow.
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  But yeah, that's it. That's part of it.
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  So if you're looking for a sign to go back to your narcissistic
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  relationship because they need you, this is not it.
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  This ain't that sign. They need you to to survive.
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  But like Venus flytraps need insects and animals and little
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  small creatures to survive too, right?
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  They need them. But they drain their, they drain
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  their resources, and they just they end up discarding their
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  bodies later on. Like a Venus flytrap needs a
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  family, right? The flytrap they need they need
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  flies, but they trap flies. They drain flies of their
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  internal resources and they discard the fly.
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  Don't be the fly. The narcissistic person is a
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  Venus flytrap. Don't be the fly.
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  And Lee, once you come up to that analogy, yeah, I don't know
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  how Venus flytrap TikTok videos got on my TikTok on my Facebook.
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  I don't know how they got there, but they were there.
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  And you just heard an analogy about Venus fly traps and
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  narcissists being Venus fly traps and you being a family,
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  you being you being a fruit fly, fruit fly don't go back to the
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  nectar look, they'll trap you in Y'all.
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  That's the space. And I said that is the space
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  that a lot of narcissistic people deal with right there.
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  Y'all it really is. And that's why I just tell
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  people like the more you keep going back to this person, the
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  more they just they just drain you of your resources.
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  So just because they need you doesn't mean that you need them,
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  doesn't mean that you need to go back, doesn't mean that you need
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  to back be back in this space with them.
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  You don't need you don't need them, they need you.
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  But because they need you, don't go back to them, owe the bases.
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  Y'all. But yeah, some narcissists do
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  ought to be by themselves. Y'all.
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  They just can't stand to be alone.
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  They need other people. They hate it, and they hate it
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  because they hate themselves, because they need other people.
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  They take the hatred of themselves out on you.
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  They need you. But because they need you
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  doesn't mean that you need to go back to them and say that again.
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  Last time I said it, just because they need you doesn't
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  mean you need to go back to them anyways.
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  Y'all. Be safe, take care of yourself,
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  make sure you like, and subscribe.
• 10:52
  If you made it this far, y'all, let's get this channel.
• 10:54
  Let's try to hit 400 days. Please, please, please.
• 10:57
  This is a piece. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. Y'all.
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• 11:07
  Turn on that notifications bell as well.
• 11:09
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