Latest / The Leader in You / 109. From the Playground to the Workplace: Breaking the Conflict Cycle

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109. From the Playground to the Workplace: Breaking the Conflict Cycle · The Leader in You

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Experience work interactions in a different and refreshing light.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Leader in You podcast brought to you by EMC Leaders, taking care of the teams you care about.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: We bring the signs of attachment and emotional connection with insight from the last 20 years to share how you can overcome conflict issues at work and build strong team relationships as well as the connected culture.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone and welcome back to the Leader in You podcast brought to you by EMC Leaders.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Paulina, and I'm so excited to be here with the amazing Dr.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Lola Gershfeld.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Paulina.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy to be here with you.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And hello everyone.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us today.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, mom, you look so pretty.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Look at that shirt you have on, and like the lighting is so good.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: You look so bright and happy.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm back in Florida finally.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: After four weeks of traveling.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good to be back.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I'm actually back in Hawaii.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's right.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that is also why my background is looking a little different.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: It got off a plane a couple hours ago.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: So excuse me for my hot messy bun and my Hawaiian little top.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: But we're actually so excited today because we have really, really fantastic podcasts.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: So if you've been following us, you'd know, you would know.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: We the last podcast we did was with Eric Bostik.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And we had a training at Renown Health, which is a hospital, medical team, and hospital facilities in Nevada.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so we did a training for their medical professionals and their supervisors and their managers.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it was amazing.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we actually haven't had a chance to come on to do a podcast to tell you and debrief like what happened and how incredible of an experience it was for us.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then in addition to that, I had the really amazing opportunity to go to my daughter's elementary school and train the fourth, fifth, and sixth grade class the same exact process.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And how cool is this?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: It was so funny.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, mom, I was talking with an author yesterday who's writing a book about emotional attachment with um relationships, but like in a humorous way.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I was telling him, like, oh no, it's so funny.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like my mom teaches this, you know, attached secure attachment in the workplace.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: My dad teaches it in relationships.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: I teach it to kids.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now I can actually say it because like I was only teaching it to my own children, right?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, that that is we have it all covered, you know, from all angles.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm so, so, so excited to debrief about first, let's go down the path of what happened at Renown.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: And let's first start with like your experience and what was that like for you?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, I was very honored to be there with people at Renown.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I could feel that their core values of putting people first, having empathy, compassion, integrity, excellence, and collaboration all mean so much to them.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And to be with a group of people who really yearn, I really felt that they yearn to find a way to create better relationships with each other or yearn to excel in their work.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that you know, just put a smile on my face.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was very excited, and we had such an amazing training.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: People, I felt like people were very open, they were very engaged in learning the EMC process.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: They were they all participated in train in practicing.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um yeah, I think people said wonderful things, and I the most fun part was to present with you.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that was always so fun.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was definitely definitely fun.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that's so really nice to hear.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think that yeah, it was definitely surprising for me as well how open everybody was.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I definitely felt like coming into it, we were gonna be met with a lot more resistance than we were.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: But people were so like, you know, open to learning, they were open to practicing, they were open to understanding, they were open to asking questions, working with each other on, you know, figuring out how to learn how to use the form and figuring out the conflicts that they were experiencing, and just overall was such a pleasant experience.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And also I feel like it's so great because I think that in general, like the medical facilities in the US, I don't see as very like progressive and kind of forward thinking and wanting to establish like a very emotionally connected culture.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it was really even more surprising for me to be in that industry and to see how many people were so excited about this tools.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And and also I think I think that so many people are just like they're wanting answers, they're wanting to try things, they're wanting the tools that really work on connecting people with their conflicts and their issues, but they just didn't have it.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, like when we came with like, hey, we have this tool and it works 100% of the time, it's so exciting for people and it's very, very relieving to know that they have a process that they can follow.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And uh what I liked about this uh project that we did is number one, we wrote specifically an introductory book for them.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: So we we wrote a book called Bring Your Whole Heart to Work at Renowned Health.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So and what what we uh did is we asked managers ahead of time what's some of the challenges you experienced.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so we put in those specific challenges that they experienced in in that ebook.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: So they had a chance to read about the emotional connection and the science and the process before they came to the work to the workshop, which gave them an opportunity to understand the language a little bit, to be aware of and why emotion is so important.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that was very nice.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: So when we came to the workshop, the first day we had 114 people at the workshop.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Many of them printed out the e-book.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: As I was going around to the room, I said, Oh, you haven't printed it out.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And they said, Oh, yes, we really enjoyed reading it.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I you know, I told my son, let's try to to maybe work on a relationship.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I liked about this, they read the book, and before even learning the form, very connection form, they already had hope that we can understand relationships, we can work on relationships, we can make relationships better.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that really was very inspiring to me.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was so sweet to see that they had printed the books, definitely.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I also think the people who did read, and for those of you who are listening, you can find all of the information in Dr.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Lola's books.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: She has all of these different tools that are all available on Amazon.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or you can go and dive deeper into understanding these tools on Dr.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Lola's website, emcleaders.com.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, I do feel like, you know, the people that had read the book and were prepared, they were so they were on it, you know, they knew how to felt the form, they knew how to answer the questions, they knew like how to navigate and how to find the conflicts and what were the disconnections.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was like an investigative report, you know?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: And they knew how to fill it out.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that was really good that the people that were had already prepared and were really eager to learn just got it.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that just shows how simple this process is, how duplicatable it is, and how simple it is for anyone to learn.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you can learn the process and then just apply it by using and practicing those forms every single day in every single conflict or situation that you have or prior to the disconnection that you may be experiencing.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was really amazing.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I kind of wanted to add to like even watching the kids, so the third, fourth, and or the fourth, fifth, and sixth graders that I was teaching, they were also eager to fill out the form.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: And out of like 22 kids in the class or so, maybe two kids were really struggling on figuring out a conflict, you know, that they didn't really understand like what that meant, even, which is makes sense because like I didn't even understand what a conflict meant until I was way after I was married.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: So um they were like, well, what what would you know what would that be like?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then it was also really interesting because I saw some of the kids after, like on an after school activity, after I did the lesson last week, and so cute.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: One of the moms was one of the girls was talking to the mom, and the mom left her phone at like the ice skating rink bench, and we were just out in the parking lot.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the mom like comes out with her phone because she had to run in and get the phone, didn't realize she left it, and she was like to the daughter, she was like, you know, I you had my phone last.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Mom, it's not my fault.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's no one's fault.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's the negative cycle's fault.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it was so cute.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then Adelina was telling me they were they were all on the playground, and like there was an incident on the playground, and one of the kids were like, Oh, you have to say sorry.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: And they were like, Miss Paulina said we don't say sorry because sorry doesn't mean anything.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: What we need to do is acknowledge our feelings.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: So you want to do a form?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was so cute.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, I I it's very inspirational to me that you actually went to the school and taught these uh you know, 10-year-old and 12-year-olds, 11-year-olds um how to understand.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and I like because you showed me the recording, and and I like that you taught me, okay, repeat after me.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's not my fault.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Repeat at me, it's nobody's fault.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: We are oh you heard the kids and the class.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I like that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And and you were also like teaching teaching them the reassurance, like you are important to me.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Look at each other, you're important to me.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's one of the things I noticed that Renown here where we are teaching, you know, managers and directors in the first day, and then supervisors on the second day, which were uh probably like 150, 160 people.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, in total, we we we taught a large group of people, and you keep telling them, guys, you need to keep eye contact, eye contact, right?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because in the eye contact, our brain rewires.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: That is very true.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Our brain rewires the message that you are important, you know.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: I do care about you.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: You you you matter to me.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I I really like that you you kept reminding people how important the eye contact is.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Very important.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: So interesting.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I ended up doing posting about this on social media, you know, and I had so many messages like, we really want to learn this.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, could you please because I I took the form that you see in Dr.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Lola's EMC book and I kind of turned it into a kid-friendly version where it was like six pages and everything's kind of broken down in like multiple choice answers, and you know, it's different sections.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I really liked that because it kind of made it a little bit more fun for the kids, you know, and it was a little bit more kid friendly.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but something that I noticed is that um the amygdala, so you talk a lot about amygdala being in the back, uh, the prefrontal cortex being in the front, but the amygdala, and maybe this is where you can give us a little bit more of the science.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: The amygdala is not really in the back, is what so we did a video and I and I posted a video and it had like it went viral overnight, had like 200,000 views, and a lot of the comments were like, you need to get your science right, the amygdala's not in the back of the head.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: But it's kind of like in the middle, right?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, it's in the middle, like in the middle, but but we can say that it's like toward the back, it's not toward them to the front because the front is more of a prefrontal cortex, but yeah, it's it's toward kind of like inside the middle.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like deep inside.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I know even the picture that you showed, like of the brain in the presentation, it shows where the amygdala is, like kind of deep, really in the middle, into the middle part of the brain.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it's so interesting because the amygdala is such a small part of the brain, very small, and it has so much power.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's an almond shape, it's the almond shape, it's so yeah, that's how small that is.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I actually ended up taking that video.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: We Ellie and I did the video on the whiteboard.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, showing the amygdala, and then people were like, I'm in school, and the amygdala's not there.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: There, you know, everyone's trying to correct us.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's so funny.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm glad people are paying attention.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was such a good video.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: We ended up taking it down.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna redo the video because, you know, um, I understand the difference, right?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I get like the reference point is not to be specific about where the amygdala is located, it's to understand what the amygdala is actually there for and what it's doing when you get triggered.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that's very that's interesting because then when the amygdala hijacks the brain, and when you actually um have eye contact and you are sharing the um I guess the care that you have for the person, the eyes actually um you know are very, very powerful in terms of they pay attention.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: When we look at that, like have you noticed when you are looking at your phone and somebody's talking to you, you're not really paying attention to what they're talking about, you miss the words.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it's always uh it it the brain really knows when you're looking, it really pays a full attention to it.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And in the beginning, did you notice that the uh at the renown in the beginning people had a really hard time you know having this eye contact?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: But then after they did the the first and second and third exercise, it was easier for them to look at each other and give that reassurance.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's really funny because when I taught yoga, like if I was I was teaching a challenging pose, like a handstand, for example, I would always say, like, you want to look in the direction that you're going, right?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you're gonna want to be like you have to lift your head up, if you're gonna want to lift your legs up, like you have to be kind of in that direction of where you want to go.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: And our eyes tell us so much.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like when we connect with someone, and like I said to the kids, you're literally rewiring your brain when you're looking at each other's eyes.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and the other thing that I noticed that was really interesting.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: So as we progressed through the training at renown, people became closer with the person they were partnered with, right?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like same happened with the kids.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't actually, when I did the training for the kids, it was only like 45 minutes, right?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it was a certain shortened version, and I only taught them the form.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't really give them an opportunity to have a conversation together.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: And what I noticed is even the kids, the two kids that were really struggling in the class, the more we progressed through the form, the more comfortable they they really wanted to talk a lot about all their pain.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like they and they're very much pursuers, and it was so and you you listened to that video.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: We're at the end, and I was like, Oh, there's your protective behavior, Christopher.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where he was like pointing and like calling it out so that it wasn't not something he should be ashamed of.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I noticed towards the end was like he the more I said, like, oh hey Christopher, there's your protective behavior, and everybody would like would laugh.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, hey, there's you know, Zoe's protective behavior, and everybody would kind of laugh.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't so scary anymore to think like, oh, I'm doing something wrong.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, and I noticed that at Renown too.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: People just became progressively more comfortable as they show they, you know, we put light to their struggles.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And uh for those who are listening, I don't want to give the structure of our training.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was a full two-day training.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: At first, we gave a little bit of theory, we gave a little bit of neuroscience, and then we showed a video scenario of two people of having this conflict, and then you gave them instructions and taught them how to use the reconnection form box by box, and then they had a chance to practice.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then we did again more theory, understanding the negative cycle, and then we did the second scenario and did the same thing with the reconnection.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then we did the third scenario, and a little bit again more science and more behaviors, pursue withdrawal behaviors, and then we took lunch, and then we did a demonstration.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I what I liked about this demonstration, as people were watching the demonstration of how they can lead this conversation in their team, they started to see it's possible to help people to repair.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think the leader's role is to make sure, like you said in the training, is to reduce the amount of time when people are disconnected to when people become connected.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because when people are disconnected, they are not productive, they cannot really be focused, they cannot be engaged, they cannot support each other and be collaborative.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: But when people are repaired and reconnected, now you they they can be themselves.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the leader's job.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when people use the EMC reconnection form over and over and over again, it becomes a normal conversation.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: So they don't have to actually pull out the form, but they can actually follow it in their mind to guide people to the repair.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then after the demonstration, we ask people to have their own personal example where their struggles, and then we uh uh answer the questions.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: So um I feel that it was very productive and hands-on uh workshop where people constantly were practicing using steps by step, like we were teaching them a new dance, and they had to also tune into the emotion, into that music.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And by the end, I think they got a hang of it.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then we did the same thing on the second day with supervisors.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: I did notice that I talked to a few people that were in that training, and I did notice that the issues that they shared in their conflict doing the their last practice form, it was like from something that it was in the off and it was in the workplace an issue that they experienced, but it was something that had, you know, happened over a year or so ago.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: And the same thing with the kids, too.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Two of the kids that are really in conflict, they brought up issues that happened like a year ago last school year.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: So now we're talking if we're talking about reducing the amount of time that we're disconnected.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine like you have an issue from a year ago, right?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: And all carrying all that with you, and then also feeling all of those uncomfortable feelings being around them, but like kind of having to push it down or putting it to the side or not really knowing what to do with it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then that now that makes sense why people get so easily frustrated and triggered with each other, or kind of get even more irritated with each other when they have something that has hurt them or upset them, and then like all of a sudden, now everything they do is upsetting them.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: So imagine like shortening that time so it wasn't like a year that they've lost that ability to communicate with each other and connect, and they can do it right away, or within a week or something, or a few days, or the same day is ideal.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Then probably the outcomes, well, I would say 100% possibly, the outcomes of the work environment, the sales, the productivity, everything would be so much better because of it.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it just makes sense.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I think that is so one of the comments too that we got on our video, that's why I like teaching about this.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't really think feel like I know it made sense for me for a long time because I've been practicing with my kids and I see it work, but like it actually just makes sense, and one of the comments.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: In the video was, you know, at first when you started talking, it didn't like we I was doubtful, but then by the end of the video, like it made sense.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Everything that you're saying, you know, exactly.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I think the beautiful part of this is that it's in us.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: It makes sense because we long for that connection.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: We are wired for connection, and it's in our bones.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes sense because uh we we feel that this is the right thing to do.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: It yeah, it makes sense because like you are teaching 10-year-olds, 11 and 12-year-olds, and we are now teaching you know 30 and 20 and 30 and 40, 40 year olds, and both make sense.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like both and the kids were open and connecting to it and feeling safe with it, and the adults, yeah, right, the adults feeling safe with it, and that your brain is telling you this makes sense.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the things that was really interesting, like a lot of people think, and maybe you can give us more insight on this because I don't have a psychology degree, you know, I just learned everything from you.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so, and my own practice and experience, of course, and you know, I feel I have enough hours of therapy that I could possibly get a degree.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: But um, but what's really interesting is there's like a big stigma and kind of I think it's a myth.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Your prefrontal cortex doesn't develop till you're 25.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so in the video, we were talking like how the reason why people say that, because like I try to find some information on like where did that come from?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Where didn't that come from the idea that the prefrontal cortex doesn't develop to 25?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, this makes sense to me, but I don't really know.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: So this is why I'm asking you.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: If a child is has an unsafe, emotionally unsafe environment and amygdala is like has a grasp on the prefrontal cortex from a very young age, then their prefrontal cortex can't develop because it's a very slow rate of developing when the amygdala has a grasp on the prefrontal cortex for so long.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: But let's say you have an emotionally safe environment, the amygdala is not holding on to the prefrontal cortex, and all of a sudden your prefrontal cortex is developing at 15 and 16 and 17 as opposed to 25.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something that we were talking about in the video, but it was like, oh, there was so much controversy, which I think is so good.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna worded it a little bit differently because we don't want to say, like, oh, we're better because our prefrontal cortex is developed faster, which is kind of how it came off when Alice said Ellie and I were two.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it again, it makes sense because that's exactly what happens.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, even from your own.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Ding, ding, ding, donging, we have a winner.
• 24:46
  unknown: Yeah.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel like from from you have seen growth in your own because you take more risks, you can collaborate, you start to create more things.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you're saying to yourself, wait a second, how is it possible that I didn't have any of these talents before and now I have it?
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, well, why?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because your relationships becomes uh becomes more secure, your prefrontal cortex becomes more accessible.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not everybody uses their prefrontal cortex, the whole brain, is is is it has ability to be used in so many different ways.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, no, it's very true.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: And and what I would I know for me, like I kind of really focus on the watching the kids and how their experience has been learning this process and the changes I've seen with them because they're so young, right?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like it's like seeing the changes with them and them making the decisions and make them moving forward in their life and them thriving, that's a really big deal.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that for sure, and this is exactly what we were talking about in the video.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's like when you have a securely attached relationship with your coworkers, when you have um with your friends, with your family, with your children, the children have it with you.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: You have a trust.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: You have the trust that you want in these relationships, right?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: When you have the trust that you want in these relationships, then you can trust the other person to make the decision that's best for your behalf.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like in a team, when you trust your team member because you have a secure attachment, then they you know that they can make the decisions based on the what's best for the team, right?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess that's where we were going with it too, is when all of a sudden your relationship with your child can be significantly better because you have that trust and you have that secure attachment for them to be really confident in making those decisions at a younger age, younger than 25.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and trust, what is trust?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because the trust is means I'm safe.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm safe that you have my back, I have your back.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Trust is means you have you have me in your view when you make these decisions.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have you in my view, right?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that we can rely on each other.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: So um it always starts with that emotional safety.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when when people have that emotional safety, your prefrontal cortex is absolutely accessible to your skills, to your rationale.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: So we're talking about developing faster.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I believe so.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: I believe it develops faster.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, people can say, well, my child was not emotionally connected with me, but they all still got good grades at school, and they they excelled in school, right?
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: They're there.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the question becomes is yes, and then how lonely they feel and how disconnected they feel, and they isolate.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then what do they do as they grow and mature and long for that connection?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: What do they do?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: They go to alcohol, they they start taking drugs, they be or they pick the wrong partner, you know.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they pick a wrong partner, they they make all of these decisions to basically try to eliminate that feeling of shame and fear and sadness because that's what they end up with.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: I love this for us.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: I love it too.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: I love this.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's really amazing to watch um, even having conversations with Ellie where she's experiencing spending time with these other kids that are her age that are really struggling, that don't have the tools, and that are getting stuck and just don't know how to move past it, don't know how to move forward and have all these emotional issues because of their inability to process their hurt feelings.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: So we we need balance, right?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: We need both things.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: We need to be able to know how to process, and we also need to be able to excel, right?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: We need to be able to continue to grow and develop and have goals and reach those goals because you know you can be great understanding with emotions and relationships, but if you're not progressing and if you're not reaching your goals, if you don't have ambition, that's uh that's gonna be very difficult also in your life.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it has to be a balanced.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I love that the EMC process is so accessible and it's simple and it's duplicatable and it works 100% of the time.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's a win-win-win-win-win for everyone.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: So for those of you who are listening, I don't know what you're waiting for.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Waiting for absolutely nothing for us to just verify and confirm that you're doing yourself such a great service, learning the process, listening to us, um, you know, discovering what's going on with you, having the desire to move forward to really, really understanding the value of this skill and these tools that we have.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: So if you'd like to get more information on the EMC process, if you'd like to have um a training at your facility, if you'd like to get trained, if you have an LD team that would like to be trained on the EMC process, please reach out to us, Lola at emcleaders.com or Paulina at emcleaders.com, or you can go straight to our website, emcleaders.com, and fill out the form over there to get in contact with us.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Would you like to add anything else, mom?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I just want to say that um I'm very, very touched by your desire to bring EMC into the school.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I could just feel how the kids were responding to it.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it really touched my heart because uh here we're teaching managers, and you are teaching also the younger generation that can have these skills and be accepted, right?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like we are transforming the society, saying, hey, society, we need to teach these tools to younger people so they can be more equipped and empowered as they go through life.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because uh society has not taught us how to uh repair and nurture relationships.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think I think you did an amazing job.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I uh like I had tears in my eyes watching it and to see the kids just responding and being engaged with it and filling out the form and and saying to each other, you know, you matter, you're important to me.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: I care about you.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: What a beautiful language that was.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: That was a great, great job.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: And uh well, so I've been appreciated that mom.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I it's very, very I feel very grateful to have had the opportunity.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: Do I want to travel the world and teach this to all the schools everywhere?
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh at this moment, not necessarily.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: I was inspired because the conflict that I saw, that's what that's why I felt kind of the um inspired action to go and teach these kids because I saw the kids having conflict on the playground and they're really struggling to work it out.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: And one kid's just like constantly feeling shamed and like it's his fault.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I just didn't want that for him.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: If you have a tool and I'm seeing these kids suffering, like I don't want them to have to continue to suffer.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that was really the motivating factor for me.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: And also Adelina's in that class, right?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's like my children also motivate me to action to do the things.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's wonderful.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Do the things.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought you gave them a huge gift, a huge gift.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I hope that you will continue to practice with them so it becomes a second nature for them.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, this was so lovely, and thank you everyone for listening and joining us or watching.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, remember to follow us on our social media, EMC Leaders, TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: You can find Dr.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: Lola on LinkedIn, and we're here to help support you on your journey to creating a thriving culture in the workplace.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: Anything else you'd like to add?
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you so much, and uh, we are so delighted that you did join us.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful, and we'll see you next time.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you everyone for listening.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's a joy to share these podcasts with you.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to check out our previous podcast and subscribe to join us at our next podcast of the Leader in You, brought to you by EMC Leaders, taking care of the teams you care about.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, be well and be focused on your relationships.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you soon.