Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Why It’s Hard to be an Enneagram Three with Dr. Jera Nelson-Cunningham, Brandi Myree and Christina Sheer

Transcript

Why It’s Hard to be an Enneagram Three with Dr. Jera Nelson-Cunningham, Brandi Myree and Christina Sheer · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast with Amy Wicks, your wholehearted life and business coach.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: You should know this podcast will inspire you to grow in self-awareness, be passionate about your faith, and get clear on your calling.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: If you are new here, then welcome to a community of multi-passionate women who love to go deep on topics like faith, Enneagram, relationships, leadership, and community.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: This conversation might provide the step you need to make the change you desire.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: So let's get started.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Not only do I love to talk about the ins and outs of it, but I love to talk about the journey of discovering our Enneagram type.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the ones that aren't straightforward, the journeys that are a little bit, well, kind of spaghetti-like instead of linear.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, oftentimes the discovery of one's Enneagram type is, well, it's complicated.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's not always as straightforward and simple as one might think.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: Especially if you are truly taking time to dig a little deeper into your story and really dive into why you do what you do.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: So, over the years of my Enneagram coaching journey and being the guide by the side to hundreds of women, I have discovered a recurring theme.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Enneagram 3s have a hard time with their discovery process.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Now, a lot of types do, but especially Enneagram 3 women.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's a recurring issue that I've come across in my coaching.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Now, there are a lot of different reasons why, and we'll talk about some of those today.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: But I love having conversations like this because I just want to open up the possibility that sometimes when we engage with the Enneagram at first blush, we might mistype ourselves, or we might consider ourselves looking like one type when really the core motivations and desires, longings and fears, well, they're maybe rooted in something different.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I've invited a few of my wholehearted coaches, you heard right, three of my wholehearted coaches to share their unique Enneagram journey and their story as it relates to discovering that their core motivations reflect the Enneagram 3.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Now you're gonna hear from Dr.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: Jara Nelson Cunningham, Christina Scheer, and Brandi Myrie.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: They're gonna introduce themselves a little bit more, but what I want to make sure that you do is you follow the links in the show notes to get to meet them and know them a little bit more.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: In particular, Dr.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Jara Nelson Cunningham is an attachment therapist, and she is blending work with attachment therapy and Enneagram into a brilliant combination that if you're a parent, you're gonna want to check out.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: So you are more than likely going to be hearing more from her in the years ahead.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: But for now, this is an opportunity to get to know her a little bit better.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, you can check out the link in the show notes where she has a ton of fantastic resources.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: Christina Scheer is also my CMO, the chief marketing officer.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a fancy title and makes me sound way fancier than I am.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: But really, she's been a longtime friend and she helps me behind the scenes with things all simply wholehearted.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: And also, Brandy Myrie is an amazing pastor in Phoenix, Arizona.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm so grateful to just call her friend.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: She has also become a wholehearted coach and she's using her certification, her training, and her teaching in various ways, especially with ministry right now.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: So they're amazing women, and I'm so grateful to call them friends and to have this opportunity for you to get to meet them and hear from them.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Now, if you are not an Enneagram 3, I still want you to listen.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: And here's why.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's important to hear other people's story and hear the reasons or the things that lead them to discover their true Enneagram type.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: I also have a feeling you probably know an Enneagram 3, or maybe you even love an Enneagram 3, like they live in your house or they're best friends, or maybe they're a child or a parent or a sibling, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: So it's always great to learn about other types so you can know better what's going on in their inner world and what they're thinking about and how they think and why.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: So sit back and relax or go take a walk and enjoy this conversation with me.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna have to like rein it in so hard because I want to talk about all these things and I want to introduce you guys because the three of you really haven't gotten to meet before.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm going to kick up our conversation with introduction.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: But before I introduce you, I will give this teaser is that I have gotten to have a special front row seat for each of you in your Enneagram typing journey.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a unique privilege, especially with the commonality that you share.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've had this idea about having this conversation, and each one of us have had conversations privately or maybe even on previous podcasts, where this idea dropped in my mind of we need to be talking about the journey specifically for Enneagram 3 and even more specific an Enneagram 3 element because there's a lot of nuance to it and layers.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so we're not gonna be able to cover probably half of the stuff that we could share, especially each individual is not going to be able to.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: But my hope is to start a conversation as most of these podcasts are.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna start that conversation.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: My friend who's listening, you're gonna get to meet each one of these incredible women.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: And then we have some questions to just go through so each person can answer and you can hear from them whether you're learning about yourself or you're learning about someone in your life that you love or and want to help and support in their personal journey.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, with that, that's my introduction.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know who wants to go first.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: So rock, paper, scissors it, but I'd like each of you to introduce yourself.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: And what I want you to cover in this first little question is your name, where you live, and then what you do during the day right now.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I will go.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I am Jared Ellison Cunningham.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I live in Richmond, Virginia, and during the daytime, I'm a clinical psychologist, which I do part-time.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am at home with my one son, my teenage son, right now, after school time.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: My other just went off to college.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other part of my business day, I am working on developing my coaching practice, which will be working with parents and using the Enneagram with a faith-based perspective.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciated that this spring, Jared and I got to walk together launching our first birdie out of the nest.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so we were doing this in real time.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: Different experiences because she has a son.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: I have a daughter, Enneagram 7 versus Enneagram 8.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: But it was just really sweet to have that comrade and someone who totally got exactly what I was going through.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'll go next.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, everyone.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm Christina Shear.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I currently live in Metro Detroit, Michigan area.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: And what I do during the day is I'm a fractional CMO that's a chief marketing officer, and my company's name is Shear Wisdom.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: And so we help entrepreneurs pivot from idle to purposeful action 90 days at a time.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: So I absolutely love working with entrepreneurs.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: I love working with coaches and really just creatives as a whole.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so being able to utilize a tool like the Enneagram and speak about it from a faith perspective as well is so powerful, both in their lives, and I'll be honest, it's been a breakthrough for mine too.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and let's just say if you need a sheer kick in the butt, Christina is your gal.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know where that came from, but it just felt very applicable.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Amy.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: That is true.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: I always say I'm all for the dreamers, but you know, when you're finally ready to be a doer, give me a call because I'm the girl that's gonna help make sure that you get it done and you have a plan, and I'm gonna hold you accountable because it's not just about having like action steps or next steps, but I like to say it's about having purpose points because when your action steps are tied to your purpose, you're more likely to get it done.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: Dang, you just strapped that.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well done.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: So good.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: All right, Brandy.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: No more Stalin, girl.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: You're uh all right.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, hi everyone.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Brandy Myrie, and I have had a recent shift in what I do during the week and during the day.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: I've been in moved and called into full-time ministry.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm serving as a shepherd of an amazing group of people at a church here in Phoenix, Arizona.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Not Phoenix technically, but no one would know the actual city.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: So live in a little farm town and watch horses sometimes going down the street, which is really cool.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: But I just have the amazing privilege of being able to serve people through leadership and encouragement and from a pastoral standpoint.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I also get to coach clients kind of on the side, which is such an amazing passion for me to help women grow through transitions.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and Brandy happens to live somewhat nearby where my oldest is going to college.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: So she is my consolation prize for Paige going so far, is when I visit Paige or have to drop her off.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: It means I get to have dinner or coffee with Brandy, which is such a treat.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: So I love this.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: Now, for each one of you, I love that you brought this up because one of the unique reasons that I've had the front row seat to your NEAGram journey has been you have been part of my coaching uh process.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: You either started off as a one-on-one client or you came in even as a certified coach and started my coaching certification process, not only my business acceleration process, but then you got additional certification.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so with that, we've gotten to know each other and we've been through the thick and thin, the highs and lows.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: And if we're honest, with business, it's a lot more lows than highs.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so we help encourage one another.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's just been this beautiful process because I'm so relational.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I helped business owners and coaches who want to have a business understand that.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: I really am in it because of the heart.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm in it because I want to know what's going on in your personal life.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: I want to see individual freedom and breakthrough and all of that.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: So it was a two-for-one special, I call it for most of you all.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: But in that line, for each of you has been a little bit different and different timing in the process.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I would love, Brandy.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, we'll start off with you this time.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: Could you share what type you originally thought maybe you were?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then as best as you can summarize, I know it's a big old story.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: What insight help you identify that the Enneagram three was actually your dominant type and best described your core motivation?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Woo! What a journey.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I started, so I learned about the Enneagram reading the book The Road Back to You.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's where it began for me.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And as I read that book, it was so easy for me to point out what everyone else in my life was.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was like, oh, this is this person, this is that.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Originally for myself, I had a difficult time.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I started with thinking I had three numbers.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I was either a two, a three, or a seven.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: I did not want to be a three because I thought I am not a liar and I'm not fake.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So those were the two stereotypes that came up for me with a three.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I quickly shoved that one to the side.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I could be a seven because I'm pretty enthusiastic, very high energy, love like experiences and new things, and have found myself bouncing around career-wise quite a bit.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: But then I kind of ruled that out uh because I knew I wasn't in the thinking triad.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: I did not feel like I led with my thoughts.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then I landed on a two.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like, yep, this is a heart number.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: I love to help people and inspire them and encourage them.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And this feels so nice and sweet.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is me.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't love the two because I have some twos in my life that I felt like were doormats.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I'm not a doormat.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't let people step over me.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: News flash struggled with boundaries and people pleasing.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, those were my original numbers.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: I landed on a two and lived as a two for quite a while.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: I love how you sum that up really quick.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: I know that we talked about some of this in a previous episode.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: What was maybe one insight that even got you to consider the Enneagram three for a little bit longer instead of dismissing it?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Insight.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: I really feel like one of the key indicators for me for the three was when I reflected on my career experience and realized how much of a workaholic uh I had been for many years.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: And that it was definitely to my detriment.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I struggled profusely with balance and always found my greatest fulfillment for a while coming from work and just this need to feel like I could be successful and significant and important if I was achieving what I had set out in my life to do.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I often attach that a lot to like purpose, like my purpose from God.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I I connected my work and my worth and my purpose all in one.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that was a big thing is realizing that in the need to achieve and want to be like admired, I realized that I had been looking for that through my work life.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it led me down a really troublesome road of overdoing everything, but specifically in my work.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I also realized that I was very, as deeply as I would feel, I had really adverse reactions to feelings of my own.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Easy for me to connect with other people, but like sad, mm-mm.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do that.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: I want to jump out of that.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I couldn't even name feelings.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was very difficult for me to identify how I felt about things or people or specifically anything that was connected to just like myself.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, those are a couple of my insights.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for sharing that, Brandy.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: That was really good.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I just think about some of the conversations we had as you continue to pull back the layers and your story and your willingness to explore, name some of that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's not easy.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: What Brandy just did was name some of those places that are hard to expose that we, especially three, would rather cover.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: So that was generous of you.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I'm gonna put the spotlight back to Jara for you.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Again, what were the types that you're struggling with?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we had a whole long, we had months.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: We spent kind of months on this together, if for sure, at least a couple months.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I was going back and forth between a one and a three.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of one behaviors, but I also knew I was a high achiever and always have been.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So bounced back and forth and had a really hard time kind of committing one way or another.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd land on one and then I'd be like, oh no, but that is also true about that other type.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so just went back and forth.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, the thing that really struck me was the core longing for the three, which is to be love for who I am and not what I do.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that resonated so much with me, and the the core longings and motivations for the type one, not so much.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so it actually took Amy pushing me and coaching to just try on the three, and then she threw out a different number that totally threw me because I I'd never entertained that I was that number.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so what that did is it made me sit down and reflect and basically make my case for why I was a three.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: So sitting back and reflecting on like stories from when I was little.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: So like I was in preschool and my little neighbor friend, who is a year older than me, who lived across the street, told me that she learned how to tie her shoes.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I ran home, I had my mom teach me how to tie my shoes because if my friend knew how to do it, I was surely going to also be able to do it.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent all day trying to figure it out.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: I got it, ran over to show my friend.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: She just made it up.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: She actually didn't know how to tie her shoes.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: But right, that competitive, like I have to keep up, I have to be able to do this, and I'm gonna do it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I stuck with it until I got it.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then my friend ended up, you know, coming over to my house and spending the day having my mom teach her how to tie her shoes, too.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, right, thinking of just those moments when I was little, where that drivenness and competitiveness and comparison, right, has always been there pretty strongly.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that was ultimately why I landed on the three.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm very future-oriented and always have been, right?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can plan 20 steps ahead.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: When I got engaged, I was so thrilled to be able to plan my wedding.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And within a month, I like had a big binder and I had it like all the different tabs for all the different things I needed, and I had all the vendors.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And and my mom's like, I have nothing to do to help you.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you've got this all.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, I've never seen somebody who's quite as organized and planful as you, right?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: So those kinds of things, right, just all are just more confirmation that I probably am a type three, right?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: That it's it's been there all along.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you could bring up that picture of little Jara from an early stage, right?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: Feeling that sense of pull to do something to keep up, to be the best, to have that too.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Uh like such a great illustration.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: And to your point, I know I I did have to get my sassy pants on, and we we talk about that in some of our coaching group where every once in a while my eight-wing starts, you know, calling shots and the conversation, and I do push a little bit.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I think a little tip for those who are maybe vacillating between two types, or if you are a coach helping someone figure out their type, it's pretty easy in the process to hyperfocus on finding the type.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: And that can be a real detriment to the process because it's a journey, it's an exploration, it's just this invitation.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: And when we start losing joy in the process and feeling frustrated about figuring out, that's when we can be missing the core of it, which I think you illustrated a lot of character traits of a one, but the core motivation of the three.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's really important that when you're going through this, in the end, if the core motivations are not deeply resonating and provoking some sort of visceral, emotional, or thoughtful response, you might need to keep checking out some of those other pieces.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because just because you do something doesn't mean it's automatically fitting in that box of, oh, this type.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: So well, one of the other things I think that threw a wrench in it for me, where I think I would have landed on the three sooner, was the whole chameleon thing.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I don't vacillate, I'm pretty consistent who I am, no matter what environment I'm in.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so I did not resonate with that at all.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that kind of pushed me more towards the one, right?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: I want to just add to that and speak to the chameleon thing because that was the part of me that made me feel like, oh my gosh, threes are fake.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not fake.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm really myself.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: What I realized, however, for me, there wasn't consistency, but that's part of my superpower.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: When I'm healthy, I can adapt in any situation to any person.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can enter any conversation and feel confident about that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: When unhealthy, that looked like more leaning towards people pleasing or being who people wanted me to be, not changing entirely, but adjusting my personality or how I would present myself or the way I would speak to that person or that situation.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it's both and it was like representing seeing that as the strength that it is, and then also seeing how in moments in unhealth it looked like bending too much.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good point, Brandy.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's really important, especially if we are several decades into our life and a relationship with the Lord, we may have experienced transformation in some of these lower points or not so desirable qualities of our personality type.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it is engaging with it, going, where am I in my spiritual walk?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: And is my identity rooted in Christ?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if we have that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Then some of those things can get a little murky because you know you've worked past those and you realize that you are more than a number and you're not a number and I, you know, all of that.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's really good is to be objective with some of that and and self-evaluating of okay, but do I utilize that maybe for good?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that is just part of a quality that I do possess.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, Christina, you're the most recent discoverer in this journey.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it's been so fun because we've known each other for years.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: You have been on the podcast before as well.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: You shared some of your mistyping before.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: So this is like third time's a charm.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I've been waiting for years for this journey, and I have been so patient and bit my tongue for so long.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm just like thrilled for this is like a moment for me.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: But why don't you give a quick summary of your version?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: I'd say it's a moment for me too.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_03: I, you know, so often we talk about trying on the different types, right?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: And you use a great example with like trying on the different jackets, or you know, I like to think of like walking in different pairs of shoes and or hats.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: I love hats, right?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: So I've worn the Enneagram 7 hat.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: I've worn the Enneagram 2 hat.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_03: But I have discovered that it's time for me to proudly wear the Enneagram 3 hat, and I'm fully embracing it.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: It has been quite a process, but it's so interesting how Amy, one of the core things that you talk about in your coaching and on your podcast, really everywhere about your stuck place could truly be this starting place.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I have been in a stuck place.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: And it's so interesting that when you kind of really challenged me, Amy Sassy Dance came out last year.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: And well, really, it's been there for a while, but I finally was willing to listen.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_03: We'll just say it that way.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: And you were like, Do you want to stay where you're at, or do you want to, do you want to change?
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_03: And you invited me into this process of doing Ennegram coaching and going through like the wholehearted entire training.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I've watched you from afar, I've been your friend, I've seen the transformation in others, but I really at the time couldn't even explain the why.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_03: I just said yes, because I believed in you and the call of God on your life.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, okay, I know she can do this, and I haven't seen breakthrough in this part of my life.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna like step in and trust that Amy's gonna be the vessel that God's gonna use.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: And it's happened.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: So if y'all are listening to this, if this is like the first podcast you've ever listened to, or maybe you're a couple hundred episodes in because you've been here since day one, Amy's the real deal.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: And she really does love the Lord and she really does pursue the Lord for you experiencing profound transformation and breakthrough.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's not just about here's some facts.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: And so I love Amy that you courageously let me fly in my journey.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it was up until I went through just this really intense moment in my career where just it's it's public now, so I can share about it a little bit, but I actually had a client pass away very suddenly, took her own life.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: And it was in that moment that I started asking questions as, if you will, a wounded person, you know, not feeling aligned, but being wounded and what is needed in this environment.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I had leaned so heavily on being a two for so long that it was a moment where I had an invitation to lean into another part of who I am and really lean into all that God created me to be.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_03: And so as I started to show up differently in my work environment and in my own life and leaned into that creative side of who I am, that individual that could sit with emotions and be empathetic and encourage others to persevere, I started to realize, wait a second, okay, so if I'm a three and I got this two-wing and I got this four-wing, well, if I only fly with the two-wing, I'm gonna keep going in a circle.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what we've been doing for a long time.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I wish y'all could see this on video because I would probably do like the chicken dance for you or something.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: But what happened is as I finally extended both wings out and found balance is as I started to move forward and flourish in life and in business and in health.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I can tell you guys firsthand that I've been able to take like parts of our coaching and our training and my conversations with other certified coaches through her program and been able to read a guide sheet to my counselor, and she'll go, Yes, that's what I've been trying to get you to realize for two years.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I'll go, I get it now.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_03: It makes sense because now I understand how all the pieces fit together.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: And now I can actually start to identify the stress path and the growth path.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_03: And what do I need for contemplative soul care?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_03: And what do I need for my partner and bettering relationships and boundaries and all those things that I think that are actually beautiful as a three that allow us to kind of, if you will, hold all things loosely loosely and float and pivot and move.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: I now get to embrace that because I'm starting to actually see how I can do it in a healthy way and not just jump to jump to jump to be liked or needed or found helpful, you know, whatever that moment of my desire is or that or motivation is.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm thrilled with this aha, and I'm grateful to you, Amy.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: So let me say it before all your amazing fans and subscribers and community that just thank you.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: You're awesome, and you're so awesome.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: I think I should like fly there and give you a hug tomorrow.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: I think let's how about it?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: I picked you up from the airport at 10 o'clock tomorrow night.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh sounds good.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: Done.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, done.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna post that on social media.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, first I want to say praise be to God.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean that in all sincerity.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I was saying it while I was muted because praise be to God, praise be to God, praise be to God.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like the Holy Spirit has done the work, and I'm so grateful that I could be a vessel and pour out his work through me.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: But you also you received the invitation to do the work, and then you've shown up and done it.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I think what's kind of fun here is to point out is that the session that finally brought the breakthrough was, I think, the seventh session in the whole heart of transformation process.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: And this year's mentorship did peer one-to-one coaching.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: So they were assigned a partner and they went through all the sessions together.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was an additional requirement, but it ended up being one of the most favorite things, I think, for all of the coaches who went through that process.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: So that allowed people like you to experience the breakthrough and the transformation that you want to offer to others.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I think for anyone who's listening who's felt frustrated, it's taking longer, or they see other people in their life where the typing process is taking longer.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to say again, that it sometimes takes people more than the 12 sessions of working together.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: There is no directive pace or moment where suddenly we go, well, we're just never going to figure it out.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: And actually, maybe that is the best place to surrender of like, okay, so we don't figure it out.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: Not that big of a deal.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: There's plenty of other more important things that happen through the gift of poaching and all of that.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: So, Christina, I think you summed that up so well.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: There's so many different questions here that I'm very tempted to take it because I want to talk about the subtypes and explore that because I see different subtypes showing up even in this conversation.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: And it's kind of fun because we all have like a dominant subtype, and then we have more repressed.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: Just going to put that teaser out there.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe eventually uh we'll have that kind of conversation because it it helps us understand the differences.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_02: The other piece that I want to give a nod to is several years ago, Kim Eddie, who I have honestly tried to track down, she has gone off the grid.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: And if for some reason she hears this, Kim, reach out to me because I want to know you're okay.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: But she is this fabulous, amazing woman of God who we had a lot of different conversations personally, but then also in relation to my summit and some other conversations.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: But one of those is we decided to dive into the overlays that Christian women deal with when it comes to their personality.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: And by overlays, it means these additional influences, culture, religion, sex, uh just all sorts of different elements that impact our discovery and our self-awareness journey, but also maybe enhance or detract from our personality, our original God-given design.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so I will link, I think I ended up releasing that session as a full podcast because it was such, I feel like it's probably a conversation that needs to happen more often.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: But with that idea is that there's a lot of different overlays.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of things that impact our discovery or the difficulty to get to the core motivation.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'd just be curious from you, each of your takes on that, of why it might be challenging for women or men to determine if the three best identifies their core motivation.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: And Jared, I think I'd love for you to speak to in the answer of this some of the wrestle you have with the core weakness that is often given for the Enneagram three.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: So with that, actually, I'd love to start with you.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think as a woman in church, the two wing comes in really handy.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's such an acceptable, sacrificial, servant-hearted person.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that there's a lot of pressure to be that way in a Christian community.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think being driven and achievement-oriented and being strong-willed and standing up for yourself or standing up for others as a woman in the Christian community can be a real challenge, right?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: And lots of different names we might get called or kind of put down for being really who we are.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I think that's that's really challenging.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for a long time I kind of maybe held back a little bit who I was.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um and that was one of the things that I loved about coaching, right?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Was that I was able to really connect with that shame piece, right?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: The heart triad shame.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was able to do that, it just freed me up to really connect with God and to see how He created me.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that was so helpful to hear that that the sense of significance, right, is something that is a God-given desire and that that gave me permission then to really be myself and to live into it.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that was actually when the shift came to start my own coaching business as well, of like, okay, God has put all of these things that I love and I'm so excited about all together, right, in one place.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: So with the coaching, getting to that place where I could be really comfortable in who I am and felt like I could be authentic with God, which then helped me to be authentic with other people.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I still struggled with the core completeness of deceit.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't make a lot of sense to me.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I get it.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like I think as a self-preservation three, right?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not like up in front of people.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I don't want to be the center of attention.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a big networker, that's just not who I am.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm much more reserved.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so the idea of being a chameleon, right?
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that so much went with the self-deceit.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: And quite honestly, if I was not presenting my full self to someone, I was very aware of it.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like it wasn't, I wasn't deceived.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was just carefully.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: You knew what you were doing.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, as awful as that sounds, I definitely did.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was carefully.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was a choice.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it like, yeah.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'd heard um Russ Hudson actually on Suzanne Sabield's podcast a year ago or so, say that he thought the the the vice and then the the cognitive fixation for the three actually had gotten mixed up.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that it was really vanity or vainglory that was the weakness.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then the deceit was more the cognitive process or the fixation that went with it.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard him say that and I went, that makes sense.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because I feel like often I am putting myself out there, but I'm also sometimes putting myself first in a way that I hate and I don't want to do, right?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that is the thing that so often I go back to the Lord and have to repent, right?
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's that like I'm putting myself first.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like that.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: That is the thorn in my side.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: I really feel like that's more the thorn than the deceit piece.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can see how it plays out, but I really think for at least for me, at least just for me, and maybe that's not true for a lot of other threes, but it just made so much sense when I heard him say that, right?
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: Something just clicked.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, because over and over before I heard him say that, I would be like, you know, I really feel like the self-centeredness is more the issue for me.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, but again, maybe that was just me and not for threes, but hearing him say that just things just kind of clicked into place.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: No, you shared that with me, and I'm still in the process of updating anything currently that I send out to reflect that.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because I feel like after working with a lot of Enneagram three women in particular, that that was a sticking point for them.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: Because, to your point, self-deceit, everyone falls into self-deceit.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's the whole process and the gift of the Enneagram to help you step into awareness instead of living in self-deceit.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: So that's a blanket vice.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I do see where intentionally having to find the practices to go upstream from the desire for self-glorification or the vainglory, time and time again, like whether it's getting the credit or getting to go first or being the best.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I say all of that, and I mean, it that feels hard, but I think it better identifies those places where you can quickly get stuck in.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: And what's beautiful by saying it, right?
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: It again, Christina, to reiterate that like starting point doesn't have to be your step point.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_02: Just because we name it doesn't mean you are currently living there or have to keep living there.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: You can move forward on that.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I love the fruit from your exploration and then adding that to just kind of thinking through all the people that I've that is really, really key.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I think worth going, yeah, maybe somewhere along the way something was a little confused because that makes a whole lot more sense.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: All right, Christina, share a little bit about just why you think it can be challenging at times and maybe even why it was challenging for you.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think probably a major component.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_03: So here I am, a 40-year-old woman who has her own business.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_03: I've been through ups and downs in my career.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: I've been a missionary, which I mean, geez, you don't get much more Jesus focused, if you will, or Christ focused for a season than being on church staff, selling all your belongings, moving to a third world country, serving them there.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I had Wi-Fi, don't worry.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_03: But then coming back and then having to find your footing again.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: And it's really hard.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_03: And so I was thinking through this, like, okay, what are those thoughts that have come up for me kind of over and over again that were part of that stuck cycle, if you will, that have been in rinse and repeat in my mind.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_03: And they're things like you aren't doing enough, or it's not okay to waste time.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_03: I must do it better.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_03: So as a 40-year-old single woman that wants to be married with children, I'm gonna feel like I'm not doing enough.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna feel like I'm wasting time.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna feel like I must be doing all these things better.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so, yet that is where comparison is truly a trap.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_03: And the enemy is a thief of joy in those moments.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think for me, like actually really understanding how these lies have been just stealing my joy and destroying my ability to find success and happiness in the day-to-day with the present.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I can be so future-minded.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_03: And that's a valuable thing in the marketplace.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's a valuable thing in ministry to think through all the worst-case scenarios, if you will, or best case scenarios, right?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_03: For growth and wonderful things, but it also can be overwhelming the moment you start to take on all those challenges and you stuff all those feelings down.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Jira, as you were sharing, like you had your big binder of wedding planning stuff.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_03: All I could think about is I did that same thing.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_03: But guess what happened?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_03: I called off my wedding.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so my big binder felt like, guess what?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_03: You didn't do it well enough.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_03: But those were the lies that kept me in that stuck place that I had to walk through healing and walk through revelation.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: In the same way I can feel that in my personal life, my professional life.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_03: You can also feel that in the way that you show up in the body of Christ, in a local church, in your life group, in your marriage, in the PTA, like whatever your place is that you serve, you know, whether it's your your tribe of two or your tribe of many, there can be a deep and a profound need for accomplishment as a three.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_03: And if you keep stuck in that cycle, you will ultimately end up realizing that you are trying to perform your way into heaven.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_03: And let me just in this moment just take that heavy burden off your shoulders and remind you that the yoke is easy and the burden is light, and that if you sit with the father and just be with him and receive the gift that he is and the sacrifice that he made and understand that just who you are is good enough.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_03: He loves you for who you are and not what you do.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's when you really get that breakthrough because you're sitting in the truth of the revelation of the Most High God and that you are one of his beloved ones, and you go from that broken place to this beautiful, mended, wholehearted place and get to really live out your life in wholeness.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, that is so good.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: We just went to church and now we can have communion or pass a bucket.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: So, so good.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's worth mentioning something here.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_02: You I know for sure you and I have talked about, and it Brandy and I did too, because there was some vacillation between the two and the three.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I think for women in particular, women in the church, right?
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: The service gets the accolade.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: The service feels like accomplishment.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: The service feels successful.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so by helping and supporting and coming alongside not only is the significance hit, but the desire to succeed and accomplish is very much pacified for lack of a better term.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_02: And it looks really good because it's holy and it fits in a category where everyone's gonna praise it, celebrate it, and and give you all the accolades that you've desired.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's more like it fast-tracked to the hit that you're hoping for, and to just kind of put it as a base, because I do think women who have been maybe some traditional careers, high-powered careers, and they've been rewarded and and successful and gone on that track, maybe finding out there are three was a little bit easier because there was some normalcy and it was acceptable and it got them where they wanted to go.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas I think some women in the church or ministry settings and environments like that, the permission it maybe feel like it was there or it was given.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so there was kind of this moment of needing to hide or disguise more in that tool role.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, Brandy, gave a little spoiler alert on your journey.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: So, but what do you kind of a little bit?
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_02: We've answered a lot of things, we've talked through a lot of things.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_02: What would you add here that maybe was even more personal to you?
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think a big thing that you pointed out to me, Amy, and coaching.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first let me preface this with in order to even get to this place, to see the lens that, you know, Christianity and being a woman of faith, how that landed on me as a three or affected me as a three, first I had to feel safe to be vulnerable.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that was huge.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think that as a three, you created that space for me where, you know, I remember you telling me, Lord knows, I was ball in my eyes out, and God knew I hate to be embarrassed.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how my shame showed up was through embarrassment.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was embarrassed by tears.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I cried, you told me that my tears were a gift, and it was like, oh, okay.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that was kind of like that statement has never left me because it was really what made me feel safe to start sharing.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the space for a three to share and just say things like, hey, I really want people to praise me.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know that I've done a good job, you know, or sometimes I'm super jeric and identify with you.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'm super self-consumed and like I just want it to be about me.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: I know for me, like in many situations in my life, I was the smartest in the room or the most gifted in the room.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't say that to be arrogant.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: I say that to be it was the case.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: But then when I was in the rooms where I wasn't, it was very uncomfortable.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so I needed a safe space to be able to say things like that.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, hey, like I used to feel like I was the smartest or the best in the room.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that made me feel powerful and feel good.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I wasn't, I felt like trash.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_01: And that sounds really cocky, or you know, that makes me feel really sad.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: So having that space was great.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then in that space, one thing that you said to me was around expectations.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the lens of faith for me, and that's also a firstborn child on top of it, that was born into an amazing family, a good Christian home.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: There were lots of standards, lots of principles, and lots of expectations.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: But what happened was is I was constantly trying to measure up to the expectations of what seemed like you need to be perfect if you're godly, right?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: You need to be the example.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I constantly heard.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: Those were the messages in my head.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the example, I'm the firstborn child, and I'm a sweet Christian girl, and I better do the right things.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_01: And if I don't, like that's really bad.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then shame comes in.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I realized that expectations were a big thing for me to conquer.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_01: And even more than that, beyond Christianity, it became my own expectations for perfectionism to feel like the only way I could earn love or status or respect is if I was the example.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: And example meant you look like you have everything together.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where my uh you look like you have everything together.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's where my self-deceit came in too.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because I thought, how can you be example if you look like a mess?
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like nobody wants to follow a mess.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're a Christian, how can you be a good Christian woman and you're jacking up, you're not treating people right, you know, I don't know, you're cussing people out, whatever it is.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, no one wants to follow that kind of example, is what I was thinking.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: But the only example like that is Jesus.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so the measuring stick was off.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: So that's how that showed up for me.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's really good.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna throw out a question that I didn't necessarily prepare you for, but I do want a real honest answer.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_02: What is your reaction when we're talking about failure?
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how do you hear that word?
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: How does it land on you?
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_02: And Brandy, I'm gonna put you on the spot and make you start first, but what is that?
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you made a face and tell me some, yeah, give me some words behind even the face, the visceral response.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: My initial reaction was, I don't like it.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like failure, but it's no fun.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: Failure is embarrassing.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_01: So that goes back to shame for me.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because shame was a word I couldn't identify with.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was really hard.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, we spent a lot of time on that.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't feel like bad about myself, or you know, I couldn't, because that was the wrestle for me too, is like there's this confidence that you have as a three, and there is a confidence that I've always felt from the time I was born, I feel like a boldness inside of me.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: And yet, there's also the wrestle of like the shame and not feeling like I'm doing enough or you know, measuring up.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: So failure always felt like embarrassment.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like if this fails, what am I gonna look like to everybody else?
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then it goes back to the expectations.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_01: How can I be the example if I can't even pull this off?
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I think about that in like my business, my other business.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: I own a salon.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: And when I was knee deep in the salon business, I remember time when we had a team meeting and I should have delivered some news to the team that we were like trying to get this building at the time.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't get the building.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it kind of felt like the the company that owned the building wasn't a fan of a small business and maybe didn't think that we were, we were ready to take that kind of leap.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was so bummed out and embarrassed, it felt like I did something wrong.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh my gosh, they must, they're looking at our financials or our company and seeing us the little guy and like we're not capable of taking this, this on.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so it felt personal.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember my team, I just kind of halfway shared it with them.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't really give them the full picture.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, I just kind of breezed over it.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, we didn't get the building for a few reasons, we're gonna move on to the next thing.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: And and then later, a similar situation happened.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just after having grown, just like spilling the beans.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the response was completely different.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh wow, like thanks for sharing your failure.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because some of them had told me they were like, we just felt like you weren't even approachable, like we couldn't even talk to you about our own like deep needs or concerns, or you know, they couldn't trust me with their emotions or how they felt or their frustrations because it seemed like I didn't have any.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then I could just breeze over stuff.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was a real lesson in how revealing failure, not just experiencing it for myself, but also revealing and sharing it can be a powerful connecting tool for a three relationally.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_02: Man, the vulnerability and I think for the feeling types who or the the repressed feeling types, and we'll we won't dive into all of that, but it's a commonality between the three, seven, and eight, the vulnerability to unmask and show what failures happen for the three, you know, for the eight is fears and emotions and and all of that.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_02: But thank you for sharing that.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_02: I think that is is really key and a gift, like just showing what that vulnerability it can offer or give to other people.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it's it's huge.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Christina, really quick, for you, the word failure, what does that evoke?
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_03: What my initial like involuntary response was that's a lie from the pit of hell.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um we don't fail around here.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's not what we do.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but truth be told, I've had to face some failures, especially in this past season.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_03: And as I've really learned more about like the wholehearted kind of transformation process that you've taught and equipped us with, it's really shown me, gosh, we've talked about it so many times, like the different plateaus and peaks and valleys, and how I've seen in my life how often when I'm in a valley moment, which I might view as a failure, is actually the moment I really get to lean in to the father.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_03: I get to lean in and see who I am, I get to be vulnerable.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_03: I probably give back into my word and my worship and my routines and my rhythms and all the things that I need to do to be in a good place spiritually, in the soul part of who I am, which affects so much of what I do.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_03: But it's it's in those moments, honestly, on the climb upward where things start feeling better and better, and I'm achieving and achieving, and like woo-hoo, everything's happening in the best kind of way.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_03: That's actually when I think in a lot of ways I'm further from the Lord.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_03: And so probably like if I could learn how to sustain achievement from a place of peace and a place of trust and rest, then there would be this, yeah, like a sustained time of growth.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how amazing would it be to not just hit a peak and then collapse back down into the valley?
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_03: But can I just have like a plateau?
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like, can I rest for a while and experience that?
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that's been a big thing for me is allowing the failures to teach me that it's possible to learn from them, it's possible to still be friends with people after you've made failures, and that you can that there's forgiveness.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I didn't have a lot of those relational things.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_03: I had a lot of a relational breaks in my life, but I didn't see a lot of relational reconciliation.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_03: So, as I have seen that in adulthood and in maturity in my relationships, especially with believers and even non-believers, that's been a profound time of growth and transformation for my heart.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's really good.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_02: Jared, I'm gonna have you answer that, but I want to just expand for a second on something there because your desire to maybe be leveled out and your innocent intimacy with the Lord as it's tied to failure or accomplishments.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think what you're getting to, the root of that is where is our identity?
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_02: And when our identity is not in Christ alone, and you're not just living in the beautiful truth of belovedness, that's where we get off track.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_02: And that's where that intimacy sways.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: And that is an invitation for every personality type.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_02: We all do it 100%, like still a struggle.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it will be a struggle until my dying day, where I have to go back to that belovedness, that identity in Christ, and that that alone is enough, no matter what externally or my core motivations or core desires are being satisfied or not on this on this side of heaven.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, just want to kind of give that hint like spoiler alert, again, the starting point is not our stuck point.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: You are more than a number, all of those things.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_02: You're a child of God, hard stop.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_02: But I think we spend our lives actualizing that.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_02: So with that, Sarah, for a quick second, I know we've talked about failure a lot.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I'd love to hear your point of view.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just the word starts my heart racing.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_00: And like, oh no.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I think my tendency is to kind of try to hide it or cover it up, right?
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or to make excuses, make it not sound as bad as as it was.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think the place where it really hits me the most is interpersonally.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is where I have the hardest time, right?
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_00: I beat myself up, I sit in my shame, right?
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then I overcompensate in the relationship to try to make up for it in a way that is is honest, but also maybe over the top, at least for how I normally operate, if that makes sense, right?
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_00: So trying trying to sway the opinion, trying to get back on that person's good side.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's a real it is.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so there was actually something happened recently and someone viewing me in a very different way than I am, and just uh try to really be honest about it from the beginning, right?
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: To own own my part of it, and then the rest of it isn't mine to deal with, right?
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I can be honest with my part of it, own up to that and apologize, and then sit right sit in the love and acceptance of Jesus, even if I don't get it from that other person or people.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um so, like you were saying, that belovedness, right?
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_00: Of of seeking that out and knowing that that's really the only place that I'm gonna feel that significance be satisfied.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's beautiful.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for sharing that.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_02: I do think that the reason why our identity and the belovedness is so critical is if we're really getting that and it gets those 18 inches from our head to our heart, we begin to respond to that love instead of feeling responsible to make the people like us and love us how we think we're gonna get it, right?
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: Whether it's through security, whether it's through this significance or our control.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so all of those little pieces, right, when we begin to respond out of that love for God and then therefore love for others, it changes.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_02: And our action might be the same, but when it comes from a different place and comes from because of who we are in Christ, it it changes, it changes the process, and it also changes the load that we feel we carry.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because when we're trying to make all the people happy and get what it is that we need, that yoke is far from being light and easy.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_02: It is a very heavy burden.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_02: So, okay, there are so many questions here.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: And if anyone knew how hard it was to schedule three Enneagram 3 women and add in there seven, like they wouldn't understand that this is a little bit of a miracle.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I was grateful that we just finally settled on this yesterday.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_02: So this is a quick turnaround, but I want to end with this.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: I think probably for those listening, some are in Enneagram 3 or trying to figure out if they're Enneagram 3, or they're just trying to figure out what the heck they are and what type they are, and all of that would be some encouragement that you would offer them as they're in this discovery, or maybe even you're talking to someone who is loving someone through that journey.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'll chime in on this one and just say first off, give yourself grace.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's okay to not know.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's also okay to think that you know and be wrong.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_03: Be wrong twice, be wrong three times.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_03: The good news is there's only nine.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_03: So you just keep trying on the different hats and the different shoes and the different things, and eventually you're probably gonna end up in life circumstances that reveal your real core motivations, your core fears, your core desires.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_03: And so when you are in those like toughest of tough moments, surround yourself with a coach, call an Amy, call anybody affiliated with this awesome team, you know, one of the collective team members, and say, like, hey, I'm going through something really hard.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_03: I recognize that now's the time to dig deep.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_03: And like, let's really shine the light on the dark places of my heart so I can see the places where I need to grow and be transformed.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: And so, yeah, just be open to the feedback that you get from people.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_03: It may not feel right at first.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes I think that's actually like the greatest clue is you're like, oh, I hate failure, or what about this?
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, the fact that I've gone through multiple types just makes me chuckle because I'm like, well, I thought I got it right the first time, but I guess I was wrong.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_03: And then I thought this expert was wrong or this leader was wrong.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_03: And then I I said to Amy the other day, I said, I probably owe a couple people some apologies because they were right to begin with.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_03: I just didn't know it back then.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't, I was showing up in my stress path and I didn't know it.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_03: And so I'm I'm grateful for the people that have been willing to be sounding boards.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_03: They have been willing to help me through the tough moments and cry with me and celebrate with me.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I can't wait.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I didn't even get to go through all the sessions as a type three.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like halfway through, I switched all my guide sheets from a two to a three.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, can I go back and do this whole thing all over again?
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_03: If anyone wants to join me, let me know.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_03: You can come hang out, it'll be fun.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm I'm looking forward to a year from now where I'm gonna be at, and 10 years where I'm gonna be at with this revelation.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_03: Because if 21-year-old Christina had this information, gosh, where would she be at 40?
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think about what 60-year-old Christina, oh gosh, 60-year-old Christina.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_03: Whoo, y'all, that's okay.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_03: 60-year-old Christina's gonna be at because she's gonna be living a wholehearted life.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_03: She's gonna be living a transformed life, she's gonna be living her life for Christ, fully serving the Lord and her community and sharing the good news of the gospel in whatever way possible.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so I look forward to doing that from a healthy place and not from a I'm trying to achieve as an Enneogram three place.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for reignit.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_02: Brandy, yeah, right into you.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I echo Christina so good.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think about something that I've shared with my clients, which is leaning on the uncertainty and the uncomfortable.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_01: If I would have leaned into the uncomfortable, and the journey is the journey, so nothing's ever wasted in Christ and in our growth journeys.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_01: But if I would have leaned into that, I'm not a liar, which is what I thought about the three.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I could have discovered something there, which I later did, right?
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I also would encourage you to just embrace all parts of the process.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because similar to Christina, I mean, I was living as a two, and actually a wonderful, wholehearted coach said to me, Brandy, what a gift.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what?
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, what a gift that you thought you were a two for so long, so that you could have such beautiful, compassionate grace towards yourself as a three.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I like that.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_01: I thought that was so good because, you know, just the heart of a two, the compassion, the love and the warmth and all of that.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it really did give me grace for myself as a three to be able to say it's okay.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, these these hard parts, these parts you're wrestling with that feel uncomfortable to say that about yourself, that you can be that way or you have been that way.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_01: It is okay.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_01: We're all sinners.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_01: We all are in need of God's love, grace, and forgiveness and definitely for ourselves before we can give that to anyone else.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I would definitely encourage anyone to embrace the process.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I think coaching is really the best way to do that.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, we have dedicated time for everything.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're a three, you have dedicated time for work for sure.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: So let's dedicate some time to work on ourselves, and that's what coaching is.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_01: And had I not had that space to just be, because that's one of the hardest things for a three, you know, that I've just do, do, do, do, do.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, you've got to have space for being this.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_01: And definitely for a type three, but really anyone in their journey.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_01: We're in a world and a, you know, a life that's constantly about doing or the next thing.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_01: And there's just so many things happening.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_01: And as women, so many responsibilities.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_01: So to have that set-aside space just to be, to uncover, discover God's original intent, I think is it's priceless work.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_02: Brandy, thank you.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's so good.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_02: We're dropping mics over here, we're throwing confetti like, yes.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_02: Jara, I something that I want to just say here, and then I'll have you finish our time with your thoughts.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_02: But I know for you, one of the things in trying on the types, because we do, we talk about that a lot in our culture.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_02: And if you haven't heard me say that before, it's just like going to the store and trying on a coat or a sweater.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_02: And in the fitting room, it might look really good.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_02: And then you take it home and you pair it with your favorite pair of jeans, or you look in the mirror at home, and it just doesn't fit the same.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so this is the permission you have with Enneagram typing in that process is you try on the different types.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_02: And Jared had mentioned something very early on that part of my process to kind of dislodge the fixation between two types was to throw another wild card in there.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_02: And and Brandy and Christina, you even I think, Brandy, you you kind of talked about throwing the three out right away.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so I one of my suggestions is to read about a type that you think there's no way it could be you, and just to try it on and explore it a little bit because it can can either give you some aha's or help you come to the right conclusion of going, yeah, it really isn't it, but maybe now because I I can see this other thing.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I just want to say that.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, Jara, for you, what encouragement would you offer here as we finish?
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I've had a lot of people without knowing that I was a three say as they were trying to figure out their type, oh, I wouldn't want to be a three, or I'm oh not a three.
• 1:04:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um so there's something about that, right?
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like whether they're the perception is they're achievement oriented, they're not very authentic, whatever it might be.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so just to encourage people out there who may be debating if they're a three, especially you know, for women too, threes actually are sensitive, right?
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_00: They're not necessarily cold and detached and all about getting stuff done.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so true.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and threes are in the hard triad, right?
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like relationships and connection are really important.
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so don't overlook that, whether you know or love a three or whether you're trying to figure out if you are a three.
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing that I would say is, you know, I think there are pieces of every type, right?
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_00: That aren't going to be true for everybody of that type, right?
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like there are a hundred different people of the same type, and you're all unique individuals with different experiences and different feelings.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and your personality is not going to operate exactly the same way.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so part of that process of exploration, right, and self-awareness is just to have space without judgment for yourself.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_00: But also, you know, if you're doing coaching or counseling, to have that space where you really can open up and be yourself and be willing to say the things that are true that maybe don't sound very good, right?
• 1:05:57
  SPEAKER_00: Especially for threes, right?
• 1:05:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't want to say.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things that you may be thinking because you know that not very socially acceptable to think that or feel that, right?
• 1:06:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so to give yourself that space to really be honest about that and share it with someone.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, whether it's the Lord or whether it's a coach or a therapist, but especially for yourself to not be in that judgment zone about your reactions and to just be aware of them and kind of analyze them, right?
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like what we call meta thought, right, where you're thinking about your thoughts or meta-emotions where you're having emotions about your emotions, of just taking that step back, kind of that high view of looking down and seeing what's there and really being honest about what's there, I think is is really important instead of deciding that that's not a good thing.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're just gonna kind of push that to the side and move on to something else.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's so such wisdom, Dara.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for sharing that.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think for our friends who are listening, you can create that safe place for yourself with a journal.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, certainly I can't say this enough.
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_02: The Lord is a safe place, and maybe you're still figuring that out, and that feels hard to bring your messy parts or the more honest, raw um element.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then spiritual director or coach or counselor, like any of those people who have been trained and who have some experience can give you this gift of maybe even bringing to the surface what has been there all along that has felt scary to name and identify and acknowledge.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_02: And so I want to just emphasize it's not easy.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_02: It is really simple, but it's not easy.
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so this is where we get to invite a guy by the side, as we say in the whole hearted community to help lead you to those safe places so you can become more aware of the path and the journey that you're on and part of where where you are in your story.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_02: And and those parts of you that are coming to play day in and day out, whether you wanted to acknowledge them or not.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, they're there.
• 1:08:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you might as well acknowledge it and stop dismissing it.
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_02: So oh my goodness, you all are such dear friends to me, and I'm so grateful for what each of you brings to my life, just as a human being and as a beautiful woman of God.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_02: But then also the three part of you, you each teach me something, and you've all shown me something and taught me something about myself, but also about the world and my business.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_02: And when I hear you talk too, I'm always like, oh, she just said that so well and articulated all the things I'd love to say, but I can't figure out how to say them.
• 1:08:41
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, I just want to celebrate you and celebrate our friends who are listening who maybe have felt that shame that some people have put on them for being who they are, and just say, you are beloved and you are loved and you're welcomed here and you're needed, and we need you in the body of Christ, and your community needs you, your family needs you.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_02: So don't stop being who you are, but identify your starting point so it doesn't become your stuff point and send us a message.
• 1:09:10
  SPEAKER_02: And for those who are listening and you connected with one of these gals, I'll be putting all the links in the show notes so you can go find out more about them.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_02: Go say hey, thank them for coordinating schedules because we're dealing with three time zones, three amazing Enneagram freeze.
• 1:09:26
  SPEAKER_02: It was not easy, but thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies.
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_02: This was so, so good.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Amy.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:09:33
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Amy.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_02: Do the best.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:09:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it was kind of hard to wrap up this conversation.
• 1:09:39
  SPEAKER_02: There were so many talking points that we have discussed behind the scenes over the years that I hope would come up, but you know, I guess we'll have to save it for another future conversation.
• 1:09:49
  SPEAKER_02: In the meantime, I hope you learned a little something about yourself or about the Enneagram 3 that will be helpful to your personal growth and to your relationships.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: If you know an Enneagram 3, I want to encourage you to send this conversation to them and just let them know what you maybe learned about them in the process or about the three in the process and encourage them to listen and maybe tell them what stood out to you and where to listen to it.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Also, you can find all these women's social media places here in the show notes or their website so you can say thank you for sharing their story and just let them know what you enjoyed hearing and learning about them in this conversation today.
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Now, next week will be a conversation with another wholehearted coach, Kristen Ye.
• 1:10:39
  SPEAKER_02: You've gone to meet her before on the podcast.
• 1:10:42
  SPEAKER_02: She has been our Enneagram 5 spokesperson the last couple of years during our series, but we're going to be talking about rhythms of celebration and gratitude, how you can have less stress and more peace during the holidays here with a simple practice.
• 1:10:58
  SPEAKER_02: So it is such a great conversation.
• 1:11:00
  SPEAKER_02: I can't wait for you to hear from her and learn from her.
• 1:11:04
  SPEAKER_02: So until then, remember we are all broken, we're all blowing it.
• 1:11:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's the brave one who does something about it.