Latest / Unspoken Career Truths / Feedback Week! Part 2: Give feedback like it's a gift

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Feedback Week! Part 2: Give feedback like it's a gift · Unspoken Career Truths

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  Welcome to Unspoken career Truths.
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  I'm Lauren Levec Gilbert. And I'm Cara Wood.
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  And we're here to be the Co workers you can trust.
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  In just 10 minutes, we'll cover the strategies you need, the
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  mistakes to avoid, and the insider secrets no one tells you
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  so you can show up with confidence at work.
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  Today we're talking about how to give feedback.
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  If you haven't already, check out our episode.
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  Earlier in the week we talked about how to receive feedback
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  and now we're talking about feedback, what to give and when.
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  What is the purpose of feedback? Feedback is to help the other
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  person. It is actually not about you.
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  This is. A great call out.
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  And I think that's sometimes hard because when you are maybe
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  in charge of a team or a project and someone's not doing what you
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  want them to do, or you're training someone and someone's
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  not doing the thing that you're hoping they're picking up on,
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  it's really frustrating to not get the immediate outputs that
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  you want. And so you can sort of be like,
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  you need to do this thing so that you perform for me, but
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  take a beat because the feedback is for them to get better and to
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  understand where you're coming from.
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  But I also think that's a great gut check for the person giving
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  the feedback. Like when you're giving the
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  feedback, before you give it, make sure that it's clear that
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  it's about them and it's value add to them.
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  Maybe if you have to have an emotional moment where you're
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  like, wow, like this is bothering me or this is
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  affecting me, have that separately and then just gut
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  check that it will be valuable and helpful for their growth.
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  Yes, exactly. Because at the end of the day,
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  absolutely you want the outcomes that you want, but you are only
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  going to get them if the person that you're working with can
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  understand what you want from them and, and, and accomplish
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  it. So there's some tactics.
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  You mean a? Positive sandwich.
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  It's. Positive.
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  It's a YEAH compliment sandwich. Compliment sandwich, Yeah.
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  Compliment sandwich, you compliment, then you tell them
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  what you want them to hear and then you and then you compliment
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  them again. We should throw that a little
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  bit out the window. I think there's two things that
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  can go wrong with them. First of all, people can hear
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  the compliments and not hear the negative.
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  That has happened to me when you go through those sandwiches and
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  also they can they, they can kind of see it coming because
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  it's a formula that we all use. And then your compliments when
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  they're real, don't fall the same way.
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  You kind of want to compliment people when they're doing a good
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  job. And that's a kind of feedback as
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  well. And you want to tell them
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  whether or not. So there's another framework.
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  It's called core and folks might have heard of it.
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  Essentially it's context, observations, results,
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  expectations. So you give people, hey, you
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  know, I saw this thing happen and then what you saw.
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  So in the context of like we were at in the in our last
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  meeting or in your, in your, you know, in your last six months of
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  performance, whatever the framework is when you're doing
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  this kind of task and then the observation, what you are
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  noticing and then the results that you were hoping.
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  So I don't think that meeting went as well as you thought or I
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  was, I think you were hoping, you know, what were you hoping
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  from those that meeting? I was hoping to move this sale
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  forward and then the expectations going forward of
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  like I am hoping you can XYZ like change how you address
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  people in a meeting or prepare for a meeting, understand the
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  account that you're representing, for example, a
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  little bit better so. I love frameworks.
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  It just helps you think through things.
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  It simplifies it. And I think something you said
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  right before this is also really important to remember.
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  And that's that people think about feedback in a negative
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  connotation, but it doesn't have to be, It can also be positive.
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  And you should think about giving positive feedback to your
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  team too. And you can say, when you did
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  this thing, I saw that you did this, the team really responded
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  like, I really applaud you for doing that, right?
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  So that they're we're focusing on giving feedback that might be
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  a little bit more uncomfortable or that might be kind of
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  challenging to talk about. But just not to discount,
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  positive feedback is also super important and really valuable.
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  And you should think about infusing that into how you're
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  managing your team and working with your Co workers too.
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  Yeah. And I actually think there's
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  like potentially a third kind of feedback, which is this feedback
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  where they didn't get the outcome that you want, but you
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  maybe don't understand the full. There's some answers that either
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  you don't know how to solve it for them or you don't know what
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  they were thinking. And that's the time to actually
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  get kind of curious and force the person who you're giving
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  feedback to, to sort of teach you what where they were coming
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  from. So to say, you know, instead of
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  just being like, that didn't go well to be like, you can still
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  say and that didn't go well, but what were you trying to
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  accomplish? Or like, if you're surprised
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  that they're taking a certain tactic, like ask them where
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  they're coming from because it might be something that you can
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  brainstorm and solve with them together.
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  So again, you might not even necessarily know, like it feels
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  like negative feedback still because you're not getting the
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  outcome that you want, but they they might be coming at it from
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  the the right place. And remember.
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  Everybody's human, so everybody's going to react
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  differently and can feel like it is a attack and or some people
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  might feel like it's an opportunity.
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  So also level set expectations about when you say those things,
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  how people react. When you're giving feedback,
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  you're human too, and it's actually very difficult to
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  deliver bad feedback. And so think about the examples
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  you're going to use and think about how specific you can be so
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  that you can arm the person with exactly what is going on.
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  It also allows you to make it more about what's happening and
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  the outcomes that you both want to achieve versus them or how
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  they've approached something or, you know, who they are as a
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  person. You never wanted to be about
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  that. Yeah.
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  And so, and I think like the last thing that I want to talk
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  about a little bit is just sort of how good feedback can really
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  help someone grow in their role. And so, you know, you just, you
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  talked a lot at Lauren already about like praise, but like
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  praise not only what the person's doing well, but also
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  praise their potential and what you want them, you want to see
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  them do. So even when you're, you know,
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  saying, gosh, like I have to give you feedback on this
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  because here's what was happening that I didn't want as
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  an outcome, but I think you have the potential.
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  Or I think if we do XYZ, sort of already prepping to come up with
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  a game plan. It's something that you want to
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  build with the person you're giving feedback to, but also
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  kind of thinking about that, paint the picture and make that
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  aspirational thing. Because overall, like
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  empowerment is going to help someone.
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  Shame is one of those emotions that shuts everybody down.
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  It makes it really difficult for anyone to move forward after
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  they've been shamed. I, I agree with you and, and I
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  think something that could be helpful to encourage those
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  conversations is to also have a set schedule for feedback,
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  right? Like I've worked at many
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  different companies and some of them have very clear feedback
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  timeline. So each quarter you got feedback
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  from your manager and then you had like a year end review.
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  I've been at companies where it happened the beginning of the
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  year, end of the year, like figuring out what that cadence
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  is and then putting the time on the calendar because it helps
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  set a cadence. It helps you prepare.
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  It helps the person receiving the feedback to prepare and
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  knowing that they're coming into this conversation, preparing for
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  feedback, preparing to discuss it.
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  That doesn't mean obviously you don't need to address feedback
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  that might come up while like during every day, But if you
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  have specific times that you've set where it's like, Hey, we're
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  going to do a mid year review do or we're going to do an end of
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  year review or hey, let's chat about your goals or what you're
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  trying to achieve. Putting that on the call
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  calendar is better for both of you.
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  You can be prepared as the feedback giver and then the
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  feedback receiver can also put themselves in the right mindset.
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  And even if you're the feedback receiver, feel comfortable
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  putting that on the calendar with your, with your leadership,
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  right? Say hey, like, I really would
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  like to get feedback more regularly.
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  Can we set up some time and let's put it on the calendar?
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  Every company that I've worked at, there's this Holy Grail of
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  like, gosh, we should dissect how the project went and we
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  never talk about how the project went.
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  We just move on to the next project.
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  And I would say I'm like putting the challenge out there to the
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  world, like putting feedback at the end of every significant
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  project would actually be a really powerful thing, you know
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  what I mean? So Lauren, to your point,
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  schedule the feedback when you want it.
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  If you're working on something new, ask the person that you're
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  working with for feedback, or decide together when you're
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  gonna discuss feedback for each other.
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  It's really powerful, so. That reminds me a lot actually
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  of events and event planning. So if you think about you're
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  hosting a really big event, something that we found to be
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  really helpful is like you do a post event survey for the people
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  that attended the event. And then what you do is you
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  actually like create a document and have everybody throw their
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  feedback into the document immediately after the event.
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  You don't have to have the conversation immediately after,
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  but people forget once they move beyond the project, the event,
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  whatever it is, create a document, drop it all in, then
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  set up the time to kind of talk about it.
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  But it's really important to capture both, like if, if it's
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  an event or if it's a meeting or something like that, the people
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  that attended as well as the people that planned and do it at
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  the right time. Like I love your idea about the
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  project. Like at the end of the project,
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  you have the most clarity to understand what went well and
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  what went wrong. If you if you wait for too long,
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  you kind of either forget or maybe your memory changes about
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  things. So just kind of creating that
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  cadence for projects, for events to do the survey, gather the
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  information and then talk about it and then it improves the next
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  time you do it. Yeah.
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  And what you're talking about is honestly like amazing in two
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  ways. You're normalizing feedback.
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  Everyone has feedback to give on the event they were a part of,
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  and you're also gathering the data that you need to be really
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  specific about what went well and what went wrong.
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  Yep, 100%. Yeah.
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  So to recap, remember number one rule, it's about them and their
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  growth. It's actually not about you.
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  So make sure that you've done your homework, gather the data
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  that you needed, and given feedback in a way that's going
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  to support the person who's hearing it.
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  And that could also be communicating with them on what
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  they prefer, having something on the calendar ahead of time,
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  having written documentation, like knowing what kind of
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  feedback it's going to be. Some people like to look at
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  notes ahead of time, then, you know, be clear, provide
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  examples, set that contact sets that core instead of the
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  sandwich. Just think of an apple core.
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  You want context, observation, results and expectations.
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  And then I think another key thing is, you know, discuss your
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  feedback strategy. So whether that's how often are
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  we going to get feedback as a team or whether that's after you
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  receive feedback, what are we going to do next?
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  Just so that you don't your your feedback doesn't just hang out
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  there in the ether. I love it.
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  We hope that you feel better about giving feedback and also
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  hey always want to hear some funny stories about feedback so
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  feel free to share them. That's a wrap.
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  Thanks for joining us on Unspoken Career Truths.
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  Don't forget, follow us on Spotify and Instagram.
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