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Monday Mini: Post Pandemic Social Anxiety · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. I want some stuff
0:07
Speaker 1: I've never told you. Protection of iHeart radio and welcome
0:19
Speaker 1: to an episode that was going to be a happy hour.
0:21
Speaker 1: And then I was doing research and I was like,
0:23
Speaker 1: what is this. This is a Monday Mini, so we
0:27
Speaker 1: get a whole Monday mini out of it. I was
0:30
Speaker 1: inspired because my quarantine universary is coming up, many people's
0:34
Speaker 1: quarantin universaries coming up, and I was just thinking about
0:37
Speaker 1: some of the instances I've been out and about lately,
0:41
Speaker 1: and you and I have discussed this, but there's just
0:44
Speaker 1: still something. I'm still very stressed. And it turns out
0:52
Speaker 1: there's a lot of research behind this and we are
0:54
Speaker 1: in alone, Samantha. I love it.
0:55
Speaker 2: Oh but by the way, my phone just gave me
0:58
Speaker 2: a Google alert from Google Apps telling me I was
1:00
Speaker 2: in Orlando four years ago and that was when everything
1:03
Speaker 2: was shutting down and things were being canceled left in
1:06
Speaker 2: the right, and I'm like, why am I here?
1:09
Speaker 1: Yep, I was in Canada. It is a time for us. Yes,
1:17
Speaker 1: So I wanted to share some of this research because
1:19
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people can relate. I bet you'll, Samantha.
1:23
Speaker 1: You can have some thoughts about this. I will give
1:26
Speaker 1: it a minor content warning for anxiety, anxiety around weight
1:30
Speaker 1: gain ableism, and fat phobia. So when I was researching this,
1:37
Speaker 1: I found a lot of articles about quote post pandemic
1:41
Speaker 1: social anxiety. So I am trying to go out more,
1:45
Speaker 1: and I am I am going out more, but it
1:48
Speaker 1: makes me incredibly anxious and I feel really awkward, and
1:52
Speaker 1: I learned that I am not alone. I've also heard
1:56
Speaker 1: this from a lot of my friends, including some that
1:58
Speaker 1: surprised me. I was like, oh really, And there's even
2:01
Speaker 1: a new acronym phono fear of normal uh, And there.
2:08
Speaker 3: Is just like antagonizing what you making.
2:12
Speaker 1: Why I feel a little attacked by it as well.
2:16
Speaker 1: There is actual research and data on all of this.
2:19
Speaker 1: So from a Forbes Health study, around fifty nine percent
2:21
Speaker 1: of respondents reported finding it harder to make relationships since
2:25
Speaker 1: the pandemic. One of the main reasons for why that
2:29
Speaker 1: was given was not knowing what to say or how
2:31
Speaker 1: to interact. Reported feeling more depressed since the pandemic, which
2:38
Speaker 1: does have an impact on physical health. A lot of
2:42
Speaker 1: people reported being hyper aware of themselves when around other people,
2:46
Speaker 1: which we've discussed as well. I feel like probably a
2:50
Speaker 1: couple times a year, you and I have an episode
2:53
Speaker 1: where we're like, we went to this party and it diday.
2:55
Speaker 3: Go why did you do this?
2:57
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yes, And one of the things I was thinking
3:00
Speaker 1: about was our recent trip to the office, which was
3:03
Speaker 1: very awkward, and then I had a recent hangout where
3:07
Speaker 1: I was like, I just felt like I was very awkward.
3:09
Speaker 1: But some people also reported that they don't miss everything
3:15
Speaker 1: they were doing before the pandemic and they are still
3:17
Speaker 1: enjoying their alone time as they said. But that being said,
3:21
Speaker 1: there is a difference between loneliness and alone time. Like loneliness,
3:25
Speaker 1: prolonged loneliness isn't good for your health, and socializing does
3:29
Speaker 1: have many benefits. However, that socializing works because that can
3:32
Speaker 1: be texting, that can be it doesn't have to be
3:36
Speaker 1: one specific thing. And again reminder, COVID has not gone away,
3:40
Speaker 1: so a lot of people report that they still don't
3:43
Speaker 1: feel safe and Pulluminary research indicates that contracting a severe
3:48
Speaker 1: case of COVID may have a long lasting impact on
3:51
Speaker 1: depressive and anxiety symptoms, so that's still there. It's also
3:56
Speaker 1: impacted different people and different populations diferent ways. So for example,
4:01
Speaker 1: there's I found some research studies about children and teens
4:04
Speaker 1: and how they're dealing with that, people with financial difficulties,
4:08
Speaker 1: people with illness, people with disabilities, people who had out
4:12
Speaker 1: or have social anxiety disorders. They are impacted differently. Studies
4:17
Speaker 1: show women were more impacted than men by this post
4:21
Speaker 1: pandemic anxiety. But we've also discussed a lot of the
4:25
Speaker 1: reasons why that might be. And it's also worth noting
4:27
Speaker 1: that that was true pre pandemic too, so it's sort
4:30
Speaker 1: of par for the course. Studies also found that increased
4:34
Speaker 1: social media use during the pandemic led to increased social anxiety. Obviously,
4:41
Speaker 1: there are a lot of factors to consider there, but
4:43
Speaker 1: I thought that was interesting. And also, yeah, it's important
4:47
Speaker 1: to remember that a lot of times these conversations can
4:49
Speaker 1: be ablest nature, especially for people who again have already
4:53
Speaker 1: had these anxieties or what have you. So just a
4:58
Speaker 1: good reminder. So I'm just gonna run down a couple
5:03
Speaker 1: of things that I've experienced that I found research on.
5:08
Speaker 3: One is hugs.
5:10
Speaker 1: I okay, so I'm not a hugger every now and then.
5:18
Speaker 1: I do like hugging people. There are certain people I
5:20
Speaker 1: hug more than others like my mom, for instance, but
5:24
Speaker 1: in general, I'm good hugged you.
5:28
Speaker 2: Have I ever rugged you?
5:28
Speaker 1: We hugged, We hugged one time. I remember it because
5:32
Speaker 1: I was like, we're hugging.
5:34
Speaker 3: Because I'm also not a hugger.
5:37
Speaker 2: I am not.
5:38
Speaker 1: It's weird. It was after the the audio book, after
5:42
Speaker 1: we recorded it, I hugged you. I was in a
5:46
Speaker 1: desperate place emotion.
5:50
Speaker 3: To experience that I forgot.
5:53
Speaker 1: How could you? That's not like how much I don't
5:57
Speaker 1: hug as I remember. But speaking of so, I've had
6:04
Speaker 1: this experience twice lately within the past two weeks where
6:09
Speaker 1: I've been like, I'm I know, hugs for me, and
6:12
Speaker 1: then a hug has been initiated and I don't know
6:14
Speaker 1: what to do. And one was at the office, right
6:19
Speaker 1: and I hugged a coworker of ours because he was like,
6:22
Speaker 1: let's hug. But then you hugged someone else, and I
6:25
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not coming over there unless you come
6:30
Speaker 1: over there. And then I felt bad because I'm like,
6:31
Speaker 1: it's just because he asked me to hug. If you
6:33
Speaker 1: don't ask me to.
6:33
Speaker 2: Hug specifically, I don't get a hug. He said that
6:37
Speaker 2: I was trying to remember when that was, like what
6:39
Speaker 2: was aut the office? But yeah, because I haven't seen
6:43
Speaker 2: her in forever, and I as much as I don't,
6:46
Speaker 2: I'm not a touchy feely person. I do give hugs,
6:49
Speaker 2: which is odd, but I typically read if people are
6:54
Speaker 2: not huggers, I typically do that. Maybe I'm wrong, but like, oh,
7:00
Speaker 2: I guess I made Joey hug me.
7:02
Speaker 3: Hey Joey.
7:02
Speaker 2: Uh because I had met them in New York. I
7:05
Speaker 2: was like, heyay, like you know, it's all. I gave
7:08
Speaker 2: them a hug. But I'm more of a side hug
7:10
Speaker 2: person too. Yeah, unless I know you really well, I
7:14
Speaker 2: feel like the hug.
7:16
Speaker 1: And I was thinking about this because I was going
7:20
Speaker 1: through all kinds of ideas about what this originally Happy
7:23
Speaker 1: Hour which is now Monday Mini, was going to be.
7:26
Speaker 1: I was just gonna do a whole thing on hugs,
7:28
Speaker 1: and I was thinking about, like it's it feels to
7:31
Speaker 1: me like it's it seems in a lot of situations
7:36
Speaker 1: I have been men shake hands and women hug right,
7:40
Speaker 1: or men hug women right. But it's it's so it's
7:43
Speaker 1: almost like the natural I can when I'm feeling anxious,
7:47
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'll go in for a hug, even though
7:48
Speaker 1: I don't want to hug, but I'm like, I think
7:49
Speaker 1: they want one, I guess I'll do it. So I
7:53
Speaker 1: totally get it. Like sometimes it just sort of happens.
7:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did the side hug. I noticed that.
8:00
Speaker 2: So the other day I had friends come and pick
8:02
Speaker 2: up something that they needed to come and it's pretty giant,
8:04
Speaker 2: and so they came with other people to help load
8:07
Speaker 2: it up. So there was four of them, and two
8:09
Speaker 2: of the women are really I'm really close to, Like
8:11
Speaker 2: I see them every week twice a week typically at Zoomba,
8:14
Speaker 2: but like we've after like ten years, you forged your
8:17
Speaker 2: friendship and we like they came to my birthday party.
8:19
Speaker 2: I've been to their birthday things all the things, and
8:22
Speaker 2: we give hugs. And then there are two guys with them,
8:24
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, what do I do here? Because
8:27
Speaker 2: one of them I met for the first time, one
8:28
Speaker 2: of them I have seen, i've known, also was part
8:30
Speaker 2: of the class, so I gave him a side hug.
8:32
Speaker 2: It was very obviously I gave hugs, side hug and
8:34
Speaker 2: then the handshake to the dude that I just met
8:36
Speaker 2: that day.
8:37
Speaker 3: It was so like that way.
8:40
Speaker 2: And then I'm like I'm a hand I literally said
8:42
Speaker 2: it out loud because it was obvious that I.
8:43
Speaker 3: Just switched to handshake just to him.
8:47
Speaker 2: So I was like, I simply just met I'm don't
8:48
Speaker 2: give you a handshake, and he was like, he started laughing,
8:51
Speaker 2: like I got you, I got you. So yeah, I understand,
8:54
Speaker 2: really really interesting, Like how do you proceed?
8:57
Speaker 1: Yeah? And I think that's a good way, Like addressing
8:59
Speaker 1: awkwardness can help alleviate awkwardness, make it worse.
9:07
Speaker 3: Both things have happened, both can happen.
9:10
Speaker 1: I do think one of the things I read when
9:12
Speaker 1: I was researching this was people feel like they don't
9:15
Speaker 1: know how to gracefully exit the conversation anymore. And this,
9:20
Speaker 1: I feel like the hug for me has become I
9:25
Speaker 1: guess we'll hug and then I know, but I feel
9:28
Speaker 1: like the hug is getting wrapped up in this. And
9:30
Speaker 1: I recently I hung out with your partner and a
9:33
Speaker 1: couple of other people and you were telling me like
9:35
Speaker 1: I left. Yeah, I was like, we've got to go
9:37
Speaker 1: because I knew I won't be able to get out
9:39
Speaker 1: of this conversation. I was running late. Was it awkward?
9:43
Speaker 2: Yes?
9:43
Speaker 1: Did I need to go? Yes?
9:47
Speaker 2: For me?
9:47
Speaker 3: I just leave. Well's so funny is I've become so abrupt.
10:01
Speaker 2: I've never been good at small talk anyway. We've talked
10:04
Speaker 2: about this previously. I want to get to know you
10:08
Speaker 2: for having a conversation or having a conversation. I've gotten
10:10
Speaker 2: more distracted, Like I'm more easily distracted than before, where
10:14
Speaker 2: I'm like looking sideways to the point wh people like
10:16
Speaker 2: if something came coming to get me. But at that point,
10:20
Speaker 2: like if it lulls, I'm like, well, okay, I go bye,
10:24
Speaker 2: just abruptly say bye and leave like that was awkward, okay,
10:29
Speaker 2: And then like I because I'm on the I'm the
10:31
Speaker 2: same way on the phone, which I don't like talking
10:34
Speaker 2: on the phone, but like eventually we just sit in silence,
10:38
Speaker 2: and because I don't know what else to do, like okay,
10:40
Speaker 2: i'll talk to you later. But oftentimes as I say
10:43
Speaker 2: out okay, I talked to you later, they started ramping
10:45
Speaker 2: up something else, I'm like bye, and.
10:47
Speaker 3: I hate.
10:49
Speaker 2: Without knowing but they had just started. But I'm like,
10:52
Speaker 2: but I just said bye, so I'm obviously gonna click off.
10:55
Speaker 2: And that's kind of my personality now, is just abruptly
11:00
Speaker 2: to get up and go and I find myself thinking
11:05
Speaker 2: this is real.
11:07
Speaker 3: Awkward.
11:09
Speaker 1: Well, you are not the only one that is struggling
11:11
Speaker 1: with that. I will tell you. I have found a
11:14
Speaker 1: lot of articles about it and a lot of advice
11:20
Speaker 1: that really cracked me up on how to deal with
11:22
Speaker 1: It's funny, but essentially a lot of it was we
11:27
Speaker 1: aren't used to it. It's like a social skill we
11:29
Speaker 1: haven't been using, and now you gotta build it back
11:33
Speaker 1: up if you want to, if you want, if you
11:36
Speaker 1: want to. I had a similar moment with my mom.
11:39
Speaker 1: I finally got a hold of my mom. I had
11:42
Speaker 1: a similar moment with her on the phone where there
11:44
Speaker 1: was a moment of silence and I was like, this
11:46
Speaker 1: is the end of the conversation or is she waiting
11:49
Speaker 1: to say something? Is she waiting for me to say something?
11:52
Speaker 1: Oh my, I would say something. Else that I've experienced
11:58
Speaker 1: in terms of what is still really hanging on to
12:03
Speaker 1: me is habits that I formed, including things which I
12:06
Speaker 1: discussed recently, like fan fiction, where I'm now writing fan
12:11
Speaker 1: fiction where that has become like I have to do
12:15
Speaker 1: this every once a week. And I was doing that
12:19
Speaker 1: during the pandemic to get through the pandemic, but now
12:23
Speaker 1: it's like entrenched and I don't know what to do
12:26
Speaker 1: about it. I don't know if it's bad or good.
12:28
Speaker 1: But it's like a new block of time has been
12:30
Speaker 1: taken away, and so it's like, sure, I could go
12:33
Speaker 1: outside more now, but the fan fiction, I kind of
12:37
Speaker 1: do this. So it's that's something that I've been kind
12:40
Speaker 1: of working on. Balancing more another thing, and I want
12:46
Speaker 1: to come back and do a whole episode on this,
12:47
Speaker 1: but I'm just gonna mention it. And this is where
12:49
Speaker 1: we get into like the fat phobic part is that
12:53
Speaker 1: I've been reading a lot of articles about because we
12:56
Speaker 1: mentioned we were going to do an episode on this
12:59
Speaker 1: about Oz and I was impic anxiety where it feels
13:03
Speaker 1: like everybody and a lot of people are using this
13:07
Speaker 1: to lose weights. And I gained weight during the pandemic,
13:11
Speaker 1: so it feels like a sort of anxiety of like
13:16
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stand out even more, which is incredibly
13:19
Speaker 1: incredibly unhealthy and fat phobic. But I feel like there
13:22
Speaker 1: is this sort of being not comfortable with your body
13:27
Speaker 1: after the pandemic. And I've been thinking about this in
13:30
Speaker 1: terms of I kept telling myself, you know, you'll lose
13:33
Speaker 1: this weight, but I bought a lot of like sweatpants
13:38
Speaker 1: and T shirts during the pandemic, and so I need
13:41
Speaker 1: to get rid of some clothes because I got two
13:42
Speaker 1: weik clothes and there's there have been hanging on to
13:45
Speaker 1: you lose this weight. You can think these again one
13:47
Speaker 1: day and I'm like, I'm kind of having a moment
13:49
Speaker 1: of like, I don't know, are you? So it's sort
13:55
Speaker 1: of I do want to come back and talk about this,
13:58
Speaker 1: just because I had so many conversations with my friends
14:00
Speaker 1: about it, and it is impacting, as we mentioned in
14:06
Speaker 1: a recent classics sort of the body acceptance. But that's
14:14
Speaker 1: definitely I've been a part of why I feel I've
14:19
Speaker 1: had more trouble going out than I used to.
14:22
Speaker 2: I agree things to wear things, clothing because I don't
14:25
Speaker 2: have clothes anymore because I don't fit into them because
14:29
Speaker 2: I'm not a I've never been skinny. So that's one
14:34
Speaker 2: of those things that I have always dealt with. I mean,
14:38
Speaker 2: I think we've talked about this both, but like being
14:41
Speaker 2: chubby and being told constantly you're chubby and then knowing
14:46
Speaker 2: that impacting instead of being And I'm sad that we're
14:52
Speaker 2: back to this because I love the generation where people
14:55
Speaker 2: love themselves. And I feel that same way about like
14:58
Speaker 2: I think my nieces have gotten to the point where
15:01
Speaker 2: they understand a little more and they have a help
15:04
Speaker 2: even though their parents come from the age gen Xers
15:08
Speaker 2: come from the age of diet pills and supermodels on
15:12
Speaker 2: all the things, Like gen X has a whole different
15:14
Speaker 2: perspective to me like this this also could be a
15:17
Speaker 2: different show, because you know, Weight Watchers was a big thing,
15:22
Speaker 2: still is, but it was really big neutral system all
15:24
Speaker 2: these things what was being pandered to us. Even it's
15:29
Speaker 2: bad today, but I feel like there's at least some
15:31
Speaker 2: rhetoric against it as where before it wasn't there at all.
15:36
Speaker 2: And so like gen X's parents, I think have a
15:40
Speaker 2: hard time not letting that go and not letting that
15:42
Speaker 2: go for their family, especially in the South.
15:44
Speaker 3: We'll put that in a different way.
15:46
Speaker 2: But with that like feeling like my sister was size
15:51
Speaker 2: zero in high school. I got her closes in seventh
15:54
Speaker 2: grade and they fit. They didn't fit me, like I
15:57
Speaker 2: could not fit into our clothes after that fact, So
16:00
Speaker 2: so it was never a threat. She had an eating disorder,
16:02
Speaker 2: and I don't know what that eating disorder was, but
16:04
Speaker 2: she had enough that she would pass out because she
16:07
Speaker 2: forgot to eat. She refused to eat, and if she
16:09
Speaker 2: had Reese's cup, that was her meal for the day.
16:12
Speaker 2: But with that, she kind of allowed that to dictate,
16:16
Speaker 2: not necessarily telling her kids they're fat, but be like,
16:18
Speaker 2: do you really you know you're kind of thick?
16:20
Speaker 3: Do you really want to wear that?
16:22
Speaker 2: So like shaming them, not because she doesn't want them to,
16:25
Speaker 2: not because she's trying to make them lose weight, but
16:27
Speaker 2: more so like body shane them so they would wear
16:30
Speaker 2: clothes that cover us, which is what we've learned, like
16:33
Speaker 2: in our generation, I think millennials and an exers, if
16:37
Speaker 2: we're fat, that means we need to be covered up
16:39
Speaker 2: from head to toe and not showing anything and that rhetoric. Yes,
16:46
Speaker 2: this is all so fat phobic and so disturbing, and
16:49
Speaker 2: I'm sad again that we're back to this. But this
16:51
Speaker 2: level of like hating everything about our body. So therefore,
16:56
Speaker 2: if it looks uncomfortable, slash makes other people uncomfortable, than
17:02
Speaker 2: we are in the wrong and there's something wrong with us.
17:05
Speaker 2: And with that it's hard to let go of, especially
17:09
Speaker 2: do going out in public. So for me, I'm like
17:12
Speaker 2: extra covered up and I'm like, yeah, definitely, I'm wearing
17:15
Speaker 2: her sixteen layers. Is it ninety five degrees and it's
17:18
Speaker 2: like like dying of humidity?
17:21
Speaker 3: Yes? But am I going to keep wearing this sweater?
17:24
Speaker 1: Yeah?
17:24
Speaker 2: Because I hate my arms. Like there's so many things
17:26
Speaker 2: like to this that is so fat phobic, and we've
17:29
Speaker 2: learned from so much, which doesn't really make sense because
17:32
Speaker 2: the body is the body. There's nothing really, there's nothing
17:35
Speaker 2: that we should be ashamed about. But because we've learned
17:39
Speaker 2: that it's so hard to let go of that. And
17:41
Speaker 2: then the pandemic. For a minute, we were all like,
17:43
Speaker 2: let's just be us because everything's going to hell. Let's
17:46
Speaker 2: just finally enjoy food and you know, hang out and
17:50
Speaker 2: not worry about these things. And then coming back out
17:54
Speaker 2: in public where people who make money off of that system,
18:00
Speaker 2: people who maybe uh have the money to look these ways.
18:07
Speaker 2: Ozambic being that problem solver for some really like makes
18:12
Speaker 2: you feel like you have to meet that centered again,
18:16
Speaker 2: which is so so infuriating.
18:18
Speaker 3: And everything else. I'm just rambling.
18:20
Speaker 2: I'm just rambling now because I think, like what I
18:22
Speaker 2: saw with my sister and then my mya nieces, whom
18:26
Speaker 2: I love is like the change in attitude, and I
18:29
Speaker 2: love that, and I hope it stays like that's that's
18:32
Speaker 2: my biggest hope, because I don't want them to have
18:35
Speaker 2: to deal with this conversation repeatedly and feeling like who
18:42
Speaker 2: they are is something to be ashamed about. And I
18:45
Speaker 2: feel like coming out of the pandemic for a couple
18:49
Speaker 2: of years now. And I say this because we're not
18:52
Speaker 2: out of the pandemic like this, like people are dying,
18:54
Speaker 2: people are dying, people are sick. We should be coming up,
18:56
Speaker 2: we should be masking still, but coming to this like
19:01
Speaker 2: people are like, Okay, you've had enough time. Why aren't
19:03
Speaker 2: you perfect? And I feel like we weigh that on ourselves,
19:06
Speaker 2: and that's part of the reason I'm like, yeah, I
19:08
Speaker 2: can't come out because we didn't hit that perfect stride
19:10
Speaker 2: as we were told we should be.
19:12
Speaker 1: Yeah. I know a lot of people wrote about that too,
19:14
Speaker 1: of like feeling the mental drain of what used to
19:19
Speaker 1: be every day of like putting on your makeup and
19:21
Speaker 1: putting on the clothes and like it's just too exhausting,
19:25
Speaker 1: which is again part of the There has been research
19:29
Speaker 1: into this and why that is. And I think we
19:35
Speaker 1: will come back and do a whole thing because I
19:38
Speaker 1: feel like we're in a big shift in the US
19:41
Speaker 1: in the US with a zipech and all those things
19:43
Speaker 1: and what's going on, So we will come back and
19:46
Speaker 1: do it. But that is a bigger conversation for a
19:47
Speaker 1: later day. Something else. I found a lot of people
20:01
Speaker 1: doing that. I noticed I was doing too. It's like
20:04
Speaker 1: basically kind of consolidating your friends, like you're kind of
20:09
Speaker 1: it sounds terrible, but you're kind of like, well, I
20:12
Speaker 1: haven't talked to you in a while, so I guess.
20:16
Speaker 1: But I was kind of going through this the other
20:18
Speaker 1: day and I was thinking, I haven't seen this person
20:21
Speaker 1: in a while, and I was like, I think I'm
20:22
Speaker 1: good without them. Then I had a thought. I was like,
20:26
Speaker 1: but then they won't like me anymore. And I was like,
20:30
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? What? But that's how important
20:34
Speaker 1: being liked is to me that I was like perfectly
20:37
Speaker 1: fine without this relationship. But there's still a part of
20:40
Speaker 1: me that's like, no, but.
20:42
Speaker 2: Right, I think you've got to hit onto it in
20:45
Speaker 2: a second. But for me, it's not that I don't
20:49
Speaker 2: I'm trying to consolidate my friends because I kind of
20:51
Speaker 2: already did that. Five years ago, because I'm like, you're toxic.
20:55
Speaker 2: You're toxic, You're toxic. I just didn't know they were toxic.
20:57
Speaker 2: I just knew they were bad for me, essentially, like
21:00
Speaker 2: you are a taker, you are like this and this
21:04
Speaker 2: and this, so therefore I'm yeah, I don't need you.
21:06
Speaker 2: We're good if you call and you want to hang sure,
21:08
Speaker 2: but outside of that, I'm not making the effort. So
21:11
Speaker 2: that was because of like I feel like that's a
21:12
Speaker 2: late mid late thirties thing that happens. You're like, yeah,
21:16
Speaker 2: I don't have time for you because there's too much
21:18
Speaker 2: and if you're not someone that we can be both
21:22
Speaker 2: good for each other, then what's the point, right, And
21:27
Speaker 2: I don't have to be friends with every damn person
21:31
Speaker 2: in the world, and there are bad people, yeah, just
21:34
Speaker 2: to that, But as of late, it's more than I
21:37
Speaker 2: forget so other people have texted me or reach out,
21:41
Speaker 2: and then I get tired and I'm like, yeah, i
21:43
Speaker 2: think I'm gonna pair down my time and only see
21:45
Speaker 2: people once every other week, so there's two people I
21:48
Speaker 2: can see next week and then nothing.
21:51
Speaker 3: It's just more like.
21:55
Speaker 2: I'm tired and or forgetful, and I'm not purposely trying
21:59
Speaker 2: to trim down my friend I love y'all.
22:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that makes sense too, that makes sense.
22:08
Speaker 1: I did. Uh. I went and got dim sum with
22:12
Speaker 1: my big group of friends the other day from my
22:16
Speaker 1: who I grew up with, and we used to do
22:17
Speaker 1: it every year before the pandemic, and it was so
22:21
Speaker 1: bizarre being with them. It was lovely, it was such
22:24
Speaker 1: a great thing. But we just hadn't done that since
22:26
Speaker 1: the pandemic. And so there are the relationships that you
22:29
Speaker 1: can sort of you know, you don't see each other
22:31
Speaker 1: all the time necessarily, and that's fine, and when you
22:36
Speaker 1: hang out it's still great. But then there are the
22:38
Speaker 1: people that are sort of like, yeah, I guess your
22:42
Speaker 1: relationship change and close you change, you change. Yeah, exactly.
22:48
Speaker 2: Actually I made this statement to a friend of mine.
22:50
Speaker 2: I was like, I think some of my friends might
22:52
Speaker 2: heart my feelings and I can't be around them too
22:54
Speaker 2: much because I've become more sensitive.
22:57
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to watch
22:59
Speaker 3: this one. Yeah.
23:01
Speaker 2: So I am real sarcastic and really like you know,
23:05
Speaker 2: all those things, but I've gotten less not sarcastic, but
23:09
Speaker 2: more like, oh no, are you okay?
23:11
Speaker 3: Like that?
23:12
Speaker 2: Time of person and also like everything is oh no,
23:16
Speaker 2: everything's the worst. Don't be mean to me.
23:20
Speaker 3: Personality.
23:21
Speaker 1: Now I have that too, and I'm like, I can't
23:23
Speaker 1: handle this right now, cannot bring this topic up with
23:26
Speaker 1: me right this minute later? Would I'm more emotionally still sure? Right?
23:32
Speaker 1: But yes for me? So originally I called this the
23:37
Speaker 1: new isolation because I realized that I had this new
23:39
Speaker 1: thing that I'd had developed, which was I needed one
23:42
Speaker 1: day literally where I interact with no one except over text.
23:47
Speaker 1: And apparently that is part from these research papers. If
23:52
Speaker 1: you've been I mean I live alone, if you've been
23:54
Speaker 1: inside in quarantine, it makes sense that it becomes you
23:59
Speaker 1: can't just just like go back. You can't just flip
24:02
Speaker 1: that switch and go back to how much you were
24:04
Speaker 1: doing before socially outside. So it's sort of like you know,
24:10
Speaker 1: building up, touching, getting your toe in the water. But I,
24:15
Speaker 1: for mine, mine is one day where I just there's
24:19
Speaker 1: nobody text, yes, but no visual. Sometimes it scares me
24:27
Speaker 1: because I'm worried I will chip and die in the shower.
24:30
Speaker 1: No one will know, but eventually hopefully someone will figure
24:34
Speaker 1: it out. Also, I know we've talked about this, but
24:40
Speaker 1: COVID fog Israel, which is basically like you kind of
24:43
Speaker 1: feel a little dazed, can't concentrate, maybe, and prolonged isolation
24:49
Speaker 1: can impact your memory and verbal recall, which is why
24:52
Speaker 1: for some of us who have been alone or are
24:54
Speaker 1: used to having like a conversational pattern of only a
24:58
Speaker 1: few people during lockdown, talking with someone new might feel
25:02
Speaker 1: like you have no idea what you're saying. So I
25:04
Speaker 1: feel like this is me translating for your snuff. Maybe
25:07
Speaker 1: we were we were picking up this an adaption during COVID.
25:13
Speaker 1: Maybe we spent.
25:14
Speaker 3: So much time.
25:15
Speaker 2: Also, I just I think mine is both COVID fog
25:19
Speaker 2: and I'm gonn going with the perimenopause stuff that I'm like,
25:23
Speaker 2: I don't know what I was trying to say. I've
25:25
Speaker 2: lost the words completely, so I'm just gonna start doing descriptors.
25:29
Speaker 2: And for a little while I was trying to correct myself,
25:32
Speaker 2: I have finally given up and just look at you
25:34
Speaker 2: if you're around, or just stop talking.
25:36
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I'm not fixing this.
25:40
Speaker 1: That's it. But I hope that was interesting because uh,
25:47
Speaker 1: some people reported that they didn't have trouble communicating with
25:51
Speaker 1: people they hung out with a lot, like usually a partner,
25:53
Speaker 1: but it was when they got outside of that group.
25:55
Speaker 1: So it's like they had developed almost a language that
25:58
Speaker 1: worked between.
25:58
Speaker 3: Them, secret code.
26:00
Speaker 1: Yeah.
26:01
Speaker 3: So I thought that was interesting, like how children do it.
26:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then yes, if you're like me, where you
26:07
Speaker 1: still feel things like grocery shopping are overwhelming when they
26:12
Speaker 1: weren't before, because again this was impacting people before. I
26:16
Speaker 1: was always dressed about grocery shopping, but it it's kind
26:20
Speaker 1: of way worse. That is also a thing that has
26:23
Speaker 1: been studied post pandemic because apparently, as I said that,
26:28
Speaker 1: we we kind of have this like social stamina that
26:30
Speaker 1: we all need to build up again again if you
26:32
Speaker 1: want to. But it's like a muscle that we've all
26:36
Speaker 1: kind of it's gone out of use. It needs to
26:39
Speaker 1: be built up again. I did find a lot of articles,
26:42
Speaker 1: as I said, that had advice that made me laugh.
26:45
Speaker 1: It would be like tip one go outside, like okayd
26:52
Speaker 1: there was some good stuff out there, but it was
26:53
Speaker 1: also kind of like okay. But I think overall they
26:57
Speaker 1: were saying, you know that this is gonna it's not
27:00
Speaker 1: going to go away immediately for most people. They did say,
27:03
Speaker 1: some people, you know, do and just find it seems
27:06
Speaker 1: but for a lot of us, it's not just going
27:08
Speaker 1: to go away, and it is something to like slowly
27:11
Speaker 1: work up towards. And maybe you know that doesn't mean
27:15
Speaker 1: work up towards what you were doing before the pandemic,
27:17
Speaker 1: but like if you're currently having trouble, if you want
27:21
Speaker 1: to do two things a week but you can't your
27:25
Speaker 1: social stamina is just too low, then you can you
27:28
Speaker 1: can build up to that. Yeah, just it's gonna take
27:32
Speaker 1: some time. It's gonna take some time, and I do
27:36
Speaker 1: think I've gotten better, but it is still hilarious. How
27:38
Speaker 1: many times I leave it like hanging out with somebody
27:40
Speaker 1: like wow, that was awkward. Right. Yeah, As I said,
27:47
Speaker 1: this was a very quick breakdown on this, and some
27:51
Speaker 1: of these need to be bigger episodes for sure, and
27:56
Speaker 1: always worth reminding that. Yeah, a lot of this conversation,
28:00
Speaker 1: when you read it or talk about it, can be
28:02
Speaker 1: very able to so to keep that in mind. But
28:06
Speaker 1: in the meantime, if you listeners have any thoughts on this,
28:11
Speaker 1: then please let us know. You can email us at
28:13
Speaker 1: Stuffia mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find
28:16
Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram
28:18
Speaker 1: and TikTok at Stuff I've Never told You. We have
28:20
Speaker 1: a tea public store, and we have a book you
28:23
Speaker 1: can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always
28:25
Speaker 1: to our super producer Christina, executive producer Maya, and our
28:28
Speaker 1: contributor Joey.
28:29
Speaker 3: Thank you.
28:30
Speaker 1: Thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You,
28:32
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