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S3 E42 - Subscriber of the Year! · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Stephen Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for getting us back into the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And Jeff, how's it going?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: Good to see you again.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Did you have a good week?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: I did.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Not as good as you.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: I saw.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: Well, who did, right?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, because I, you know, it's national news.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: You have the best Republican congressman in the world.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: I guess he's super popular.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: I heard that he was at a I don't know, was that a rally?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: Was that a Black Lives rally?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: It was a town hall.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, when you say best, it was kind of a photo finish.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: They're like 218 were tied for last.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, he is national news now, and we have never been famous for anything quite this fun.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, usually when we're famous, it's because there's like some cow disease or something.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, this is really funny because I I I think the most fun part is you know, he kept talking about, hey, we need to cut Medicaid because hey, should 28-year-olds who refuse to work and are able-bodied should they get free health care?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, it occurred to me, I was watching this, I was thinking, wait a second, Congressman, you say that you believe in the Constitution and that you believe in the rule of law, yet you refuse to work to do anything to protect them while they're being shredded right in front of your eyes, and you are in fact in the very legislative body that could actually do something about it.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds to me, now I know you're not 28, but sounds to me like you don't want to work.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yet you get quote unquote free health care.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: And yes, I know somebody, some Republicans gonna come and say, Well, it's not free, and they pay in, you know, uh they pay in, but they pay in with their congressional salary.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: So, okay, we pay for all of it then, right?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we do.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: So it sounds to me like he's able-bodied and he doesn't want to work.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, I I think I didn't really hear the town hall meeting, but what I noticed, which is why I'm jealous, it was funnier than Letterman, I tell you.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: It was what I did notice was the charisma this guy has.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: Anybody who has a chance to go check him out, he's he reminds me of the guy with the red stapler in office space.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um do you remember that guy?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: He just kind of looked like he looks a little like him, yeah.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: A little disheveled, and I just thought he was he was brilliant.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I heard I heard somebody somebody on social media described him as you know, that he was sweating and nervous despite taking 12 weeks of smiling lessons.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: I thought I thought it was a perfect description.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, so how was your week, Jeff?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so for me, my week was kind of life-changing.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I heard a church sermon.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not exactly sure.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Are there other sermons besides church sermons?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: But oh yeah, oh, stand on the street corner, yeah.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I I I heard a church sermon at Kathy's church that really changed my life and in a good way.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: So you have a new life, you know.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff, renewals like that, new starts, new lives are great.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: But but say, I I gotta ask, are you funnier now?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: That might help with our ratings, you know.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: I well wait, wait, speaking of ratings, are you still doing the show?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: I am, and I don't know if I'm funnier.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: I got a feeling I might be, although I I guess we're off to a slow start here, so maybe I am pretty much the same.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: But after this change began, I'm I'm just a different person, and it it's quite amazing.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: Do you want to hear about it?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: I can't wait to hear more, especially about the show and the funny.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: Those are my two favorites, right?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: So it starts off really funny because you know I go to church because Kathy's dad died.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm I'm cracking up.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is great.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was pretty funny.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: So and when a joke starts off like that, you know it's gonna be funny.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you it's gotta be.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: You can tell a difference with me already, right?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: So it's got such a hype hurdle, it's gotta be funny, right?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: So go to church for two reasons.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: One is because I do it in her dad's honor, you know, they they mention him every once in a while, and and he would want me to do that.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: And the other reason I do it is because it's really close to our house, and the Jewish temple that we belong to is way far away.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: So you know, I figured I figured this is you know better.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: So last Sunday, I'm sitting there listening to the rabbi, I mean, I mean priest.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and he tells this story, and it's a story about how you should be asking for help from God, and it was really powerful, Steve.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, and I I just feel like I learned so much from that sermon and that idea of asking God for help.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta say, if close is what you want, I mean, unless you want to move to Skokie or or maybe they'll build a synagogue near 294, but until that happens, I think you got what you got.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: But can you just take God from synagogue and God from parish church and move them like that, like a plug and play?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, is that how this works?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I don't know.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: But anyway, so for the sermon, you know, like I said, it was all about asking for help.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: And to be honest, I haven't really asked God for help for a long time.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: And and maybe, maybe never.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's a really big mistake on my part, especially after hearing this sermon.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: And then that night I watched Joel Osteen, and you know, he he basically tells you to ask for you know shit all the time.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I gotta tell you, that's when it comes to asking for things, Joel Osteen is your guy.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I know his show is supposed to be non-denomination, and it's it's true that he accepts all denominations.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: Tens, twenties are really good, but he he really wants the hundreds.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: I know a guy who got one of those really expensive sets of Japanese steak knives, you know, and a year's subscription to Costco just by letting Joel lay hands on him.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, lay hands on him and he gave Joel a thousand dollars, but I digress.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well what was the sermon you heard that changed your life?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you see, that's what I mean.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Although, you know, I thought I thought God shopped at Hobby Lobby, you know, not at Costco.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: But anyways, in this sermon, a deeply religious man, I think his name was Dave, finds out that he is in deep financial trouble and he prays to God for help to get him out of trouble.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so he says to God, you know, he gets down on his knees and he says, God, I'm gonna lose my car.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: Can you please help me?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: Can you let me win the lottery?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: But the lottery comes and Dave doesn't win the lottery.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: From there, it's just this horrible chain of reaction where things just got really bad.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: He didn't have a car because he he needed to get the car fixed and he couldn't get the car fixed, so he lost his job, probably a new bird driver, don't you think?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: And and then without a job, you know, he couldn't pay his mortgage.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: So he lost his house.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: And without his house, he lost his wife, and she took the kids.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: Completely, completely.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: And so with each horrible thing that happened happened to him, he would get down on his knees and ask God to help him to by winning the lottery, and he never does.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: Finally, he was broke and he was hungry and he was living on the streets, and he looks up at God and he says, God, please, my life is a wreck.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: I have no car, I have no home, I have no family.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: Please let me win the lottery just this one time so that I can turn my life around.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: I beg you.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_03: And suddenly a flash of light goes across the sky, and a voice of God echoes down from the heavens, and he says, Dave, meet me halfway and buy a fucking ticket.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: Now that is a powerful sermon.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta ask you.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I oh I teared up when we got to the car thing, the Uber that uh that got to me.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: But uh I'm just wondering though, did the priest use the word fucking in the sermon?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: See, I I go to a very strict church and they can only say friggin' where I go, but uh yeah, I don't know.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think so.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I had I had my phone on me and I was you know checking the white sock score, but but I don't I think they were losing, weren't they?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: They were losing.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um I mean, but do you need to check it?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh they're losing.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, great.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: I could do that right now, actually.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um but I do remember that we had a rabbi who had Tourette's and he would get really angry at like the simple things, and like especially like things like he would open up the Torah, and you know, he would he would sort of rip one of the pages slightly, you know, and it's hard to open those things because they're really old, they're like, you know, 30, 40, 50 years old.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: So you know really fragile.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: So and he would let out this scream and this stream of profanity.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: Anyways, this lesson was very profound, asking for God for help.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: And the moral of the story is you ask him for help, and if you ask him for help, you can win the lottery if you buy a ticket.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: I guess he helps those who help.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Jeff.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of winning the lottery or just winning contests in general, I don't know if you know this chef tonight.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: Very special occasion.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you remember.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: My dad, is he a guest on the show?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: Finally, it's almost as good.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: Almost that good.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: Come to think of it, speaking of your dad, he might want to ask for help before the next parole hearing.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe Joel Osteen and$1,000 could help him.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: But no, no, that that's not tonight.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: Tonight we're honoring the 2024 subscriber of the year recipient.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh some would say it's better than winning the lottery.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: But aren't aren't we supposed to we're in in 2025?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: How come we're not giving the 2025 award?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that is true.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's 2025, and hey, we're really a little more than halfway to 2026.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: But because of the millions, let's face it, Jeff, the millions of the subscribers that entered this contest, it took us more than six months to tabulate the results and select a winner.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, tonight we have that person on our show, the winner of our show, he's just the other side of the glass.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: His name is Bart Blazer from Austin, Texas.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the show, Bart, and congratulations on winning the contest.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me on the show.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's an honor to meet both of you.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, hey, Jeff.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, Bert, or whatever your name is, but the honor is ours, and especially because this is the first time that we've met.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: And just and just for the record, Barry, we have never met in our studio.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: We've never met at a Costco in the greater Omaha area.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: And that covers like six stores, right?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: Right, Bernie?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, I guess not.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely have never been to any Costco's in Omaha before.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you you should go.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: The hot dogs alone are with the membership, but but I digress.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, let me emphasize that Bruce Brazier doesn't know us and was chosen completely randomly.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Well, except for the 200 multiple choice questions.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: They were different questions, but they all kind of asked the same question in a different way.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: Question, why do I love the Steven Jeff Show so much?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and plus, don't forget that we required that every contestant had to write a essay titled, Why is the Stephen Jeff Show better than Joe Rogan and Smartless?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: Just so that everybody kind of gets up to speed here.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: Here's a little background on the contest.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: But this contest is the largest subscriber contest in the history of the Stephen Jeff Show.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: It goes back to almost a hundred years of award winners.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: I remember, you know, I remember that first contest.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, we were we were just starting off.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: And from what I recall at that time, we had four listeners.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: We're all members of your family saying, because it's my family, you know, my family doesn't listen.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: And they they listened to the show downstairs at your house, as I recall.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: They were all there in person, because you know, a hundred years ago they didn't have podcasts yet.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: As I recall, I think your sister won that contest.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: It was very exciting.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh that's right.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: But now we probably have over what 10 million people that enter the contest if we had bothered to count all of them.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: So many, who counts?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: So many, with the lone winner selected by you and I last Thursday, you know, right after the Joel Olstein comedy hour.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta tell you, Jeff, his dance sketch is cracked me up.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: He's hilarious.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: But but but Barry, tell us a little about yourself.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you're from Austin, Texas.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: What a great state.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it's now currently under the leadership of uh certain Mr.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Jerry Manders, as I recall.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh just one question though.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: Uh are you employing any illegal workers that work around the house or anything?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Uh sorry to have to ask you these questions, but yeah, if we get$100 every time we ask, you know, to find any illegals, just illusion that they're everywhere.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh no, no illegal aliens around the house.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_03: Good.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: And you're not one of those rebel Democrat House members who are on the lamb in Chicago, are you?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, I'm I'm stay away from there.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, excellent.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: So, Bo, what's it like growing up in Austin?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I hear it's a great city, and most people don't know, but it's the home of the University of Texas, I think.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: Is that Hook'em Horns or something like that, right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh well, actually, I didn't grow up there.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I grew up in Champaign, Illinois, another college town, the University of Illinois, the fighting aline.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, fighting a line, Jeff.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: I I think I I think you know where that is.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: As I recall, didn't you live like very close to Champagne?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: No, I didn't.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: I lived, I grew up in Urbana, which was not even close to Champagne, as as far as I remember.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: It was a long time ago.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_03: But I I don't rec recall knowing anybody by the name of uh Bart or Bert or Barry, if that's your name.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, well, as you say, it it was a long time ago.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I seem to remember, you know, from Illinois, and I seem to remember that those were considered twin cities.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: They are separated by that demilitarized zone known as the university, however.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: So it makes sense you didn't know each other.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: Who crosses that?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, but it is a small world.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh even if you did, maybe you met, but that has nothing to do with this contest for all you conspiracy guys out there.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, we went to different high schools.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff went to Urbana High School, and I went to Champagne Centennial, so it would be highly unlikely we knew each other from there, except maybe at Sunday school or in college when we were roommates for four years, but that would be it.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, we didn't know each other, and just because we were roommates in college, it doesn't mean that we knew each other.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: As I recall, my roommate, which I guess was was you, you were majoring in like accounting and you had completely different classes than I had.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: I I think I majored in pharmaceutical studies, which was you know, took up a lot of my time.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: So it's funny, but until now, I didn't even remember who my roommate was.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: And it just goes to show what a small world it is and how this selection of you winning the award had nothing to do with knowing each other.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that is so true, Jeff.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I, you know, I can recall back in college, I had a roommate for many years that I I never met.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, yes, he certainly could have a roommate and you still wouldn't know him.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, for sure.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe we should look at Bart's award-winning essay, which to me that really separated him from the other contestants.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, so Bert, tell us about that essay, and you know, maybe just for the listeners who who didn't win, who didn't maybe write quite as good an essay as you and didn't make it, read the opening paragraph because that's really what got our attention.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's strange, but I don't remember writing this essay.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I have a a lot going on, just became a grandparent for the second time.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe I wrote it.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: But this doesn't look familiar.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: It also it's also handwritten, which is kind of weird.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, uh, do you still want me to read it?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: And and by the way, congratulations on those grandkids.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, I've got one grandchild and I got another one coming.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: But do your grandchildren listen to our show?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, mine don't, of course.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, one of the reasons I asked, we did an episode about a comedian for children.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: Funny stuff.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, they I think your grandchildren would really like it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that age zero to five.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's our core demographic.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: We've really done well there.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, uh, my grandkids are they're big true crime fans.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, who's not?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: Kathy listens to that stuff every night, so it's completely understandable.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: I love those two.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: But as far as you not remembering writing the essay, you know, you submitted it in January, so that was a long time ago.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: And why would we write one for you?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: That doesn't make any sense.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, yeah, you know, that that's ridiculous.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: So, so yes, why don't you just read the first part of it?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it says, Mr.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Steve and Jeff, I'm writing this essay on the hopes I will win the grand prize in the award-winning Steve and Jeff Comedy Podcast Subscriber Award.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: It would be a dream come true to of mine to win this award.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And this is so much better than winning an award from Joe Rogan or those smarkless idiots who were mean to you uh at the potty awards.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are the best podcast I have ever heard.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember listening to you back when I was in grade school, and you you still and you're still sounding great.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that any rumors about you exaggerating your subscriber numbers are not only fake news, but uh obviously came from a couple of other podcast shows that rhyme with Bogan and Fuckless.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hope I win the award so I can buy my grandkids Saluki's uh sweatshirts at the student bookstore.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, that's it, you know.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: That's fine, right?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm tearing up again.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: Here we go.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: You just don't you just don't read that kind of stuff, you know.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: Such love, you can feel the love coming in, you feel it, you know.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it was like are you Steve or or Bert or whatever your name is?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Are you a professional writer?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's some really good shit.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thanks.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, thanks.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Not to go all Joel Osteen, but I'm I feel healed, you know, you know what I'm saying?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I do too.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, my recommendation, uh Barry, or with Bert, is that you might want to submit this essay again next year.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: I have a feeling that you have a great chance of winning.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: That's what's happened in the past.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: I know that in the past we've had winners win multiple years.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: I remember a couple years ago, Kathy from Lagrange won like three years in a row.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: And before that, there was a Teresa from Omaha that that won it, I think five years in a row.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that right, Steve?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, oh, absolutely.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: And we've had we've had a a Miss Claire from uh Bellevue, who has won, you know, about every year since then, I think, too.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but just one thing, Billy.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe next year when you write this thing, you might want to put in a little bit about Claire being good looking and and being really talented.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: She likes that stuff, and it couldn't hurt because she's part of the uh the judges that do this.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I I know there's only 5,000 words that you're that we're limiting people to, but I would think that you can come up with some stuff for that.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: Don't you don't you agree, Steve?
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: And in fact, Miss Claire is our on staff bias monitor, so it would certainly help us with her.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: And and speaking of bias monitors, next time you might want to throw in a few compliments about our king because he really likes to hear that.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: He likes to when people say nice things, he makes better deals.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, I I just want to congratulate you.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: I I think your essay really shows, explains why you won this prestigious award.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: And we've got some great prizes for you.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to thank you again for coming on the show.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny will tell you about the prizes, but it's just been so great to meet you, Bert.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: And when Steve says again, I think he says uh he's talking about complimenting you again.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: This is the first time either of us have ever met you.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, we don't know you, but it was great having you on the show, and uh thanks for coming on, and maybe we'll see you next year.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: I hope so.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's so great to meet you again.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: Again.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: What do we have for subscriber of the year, Bird Brazier?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: We have a very special gift for whatever his name is, a subscriber of the year.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: He wins an all-expenses paid trip to Long Beach Arena to see a live concert featuring that genre blending yacht rock rapper, the captain of vibes, the first mate of funk, the one and only Skip Malibu.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Our winner will be the first in the nation to hear the new yacht rap album, destined to be a classic, Yacht Riggers with Attitude.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Bart or Bert or Bernie will hear song gems like this.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: We're out sailing.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm failing.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: You look like Mindy Kalen and my Balin.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't easy.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: Just like take my Mr.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Beachy, Tita Beastie, meet St.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: Francis of the T if it's easy.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: And this.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right in the mess.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: Doing a podcast.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: Broadcast.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm on the counterclass.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: Reading fiber class to a pretty lab.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: Take an advance on the upper class.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Our winner will fly Ignited Airlines, where it doesn't matter that the seats are broken, because the flight will be cancelled anyway.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a totally bogus production in association with Gotcha Media.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Stephen Jeff at their website, StephenJet.com.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: I hear them all the time, but I never get picked.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think it's because I use a fictitious name and address?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: You can't be too careful these days, you know.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: Goodbye.