Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / The Essential Guide to Estate Planning Every Woman Needs

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The Essential Guide to Estate Planning Every Woman Needs · Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh

0:03
Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Chatting with the Experts
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TV show and podcast where I speak with fantastic women from Africa, from
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the Caribbean, and in the Diaspora.
0:18
. These women are professional and they are successful entrepreneurs and they
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share my mission, which is to educate, empower, and inspire women globally.
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I sometimes have some men join me, but 99.9% of the time it's women.
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Today our title is Leaving A Legacy of Love- Estate Planning Every
0:46
Woman Needs and Needs To Know About.
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Needs To Know About is my emphasis because well, you'll find out why,
0:54
and my guest who will be joining me soon says, if you don't have a plan,
1:01
the State will have one for you.
1:05
I will tell you a bit about her.
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She is the CEO and Managing Attorney of IvyLaw Law Office in Greenbelt, Maryland.
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Her law practice focuses on estate planning and US immigration law.
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For estate planning, which includes creating wills, living
1:32
trusts and powers of attorney.
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She focuses on helping family accomplish a healthy transition of
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their family wealth to their loved ones by providing legal guidance regarding
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their family assets and business.
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She also ensures that her clients minimize the cost and hassle of
1:58
probate, protecting them from losing their assets to the government and
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preserving them for their loved ones.
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Oh my gosh.
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There's so much I can say about her.
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But one thing I must share with you is that the outcome of this planning
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is the peace of mind that comes with planning, knowing that they have something
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right to protect their families and assets from the high cost of litigation
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and conflicts that may occur in the event of an incapacity or death.
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And with that, I will welcome to Chatting with the Experts, Attorney Jumoke Oladapo.
2:39
Welcome to the show!
2:41
Thank you very much.
2:43
Good afternoon or good day to you.
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How are you doing today?
2:47
I am great and I'm even happier because you said yes,
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to being a guest on the show.
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I'm super excited to be part of the show.
2:57
Thank you.
2:59
I mean, what we are talking about is something that is serious, something
3:03
that, as you said, every woman needs and needs to know because you may need it,
3:09
but you may not know that you need it.
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I dunno which is worse.
3:12
Certainly.
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It's worse not to know you need it.
3:16
Right, right, right.
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And so, the very first question I'm gonna ask you the question that
3:23
I've heard other people, some of my friends say in my age group.
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Why do you think every woman needs estate plans sooner and not later?
3:33
Oh, thank you very much.
3:36
Women are pillars in this life, in our families and a lot of women,
3:43
particularly women in the mid-age group, between 40, 65 and above, we
3:50
find ourself in a sandwich generation.
3:54
Mm-hmm.
3:55
You know, we taking care of children.
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We're taking care of parents at the same time, and we'll leave ourself or
4:03
forget about ourselves and the fact that we need to take care of not only our
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families, but our assets and beyond.
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So sooner than later.
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First of all, women live longer than men.
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Statistics show that two out of three women are probably going
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to be widowed in their lifetime.
4:28
Yeah.
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So because this is likely to happen.
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A lot of women find themself in a situation where their plans or this family
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plans, not only their spouse's plan, the family plans is not yet in place
4:47
and cause a lot of hassles and mess.
4:52
Yes.
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Or they have to deal with hassles, a mess left by their spouses.
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Also, a lot of women are caregivers.
5:05
Mm-hmm.
5:06
You know, and because we are taking care of this aging parent, if we
5:11
ourselves fall ill, who is gonna take care of us if they don't make this plan?
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We need to look at this and think a whole lot that we are not just the
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superheroes, but we need to do the needful for ourselves in terms of
5:29
planning and protecting our assets.
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Another important thing, why now in the later, is that many women in this
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age bracket, they're already made.
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They have assets, they have homes.
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Some of them, retirement account and all that, and if a crisis happens to them,
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they're likely to go through probate their families, they're leaving a mess.
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So the need to take care of that, which has been blessed them so that
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they don't find themselves in crisis or their families are not in crisis
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as a result of lack of planning.
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So there are a lot of reasons why now and not later, and I hope some of these,
6:14
we'll still touch more about that.
6:18
Thank you for expanding on that.
6:21
It's better now than later because there's an adage that if you fail to
6:27
plan, that means you're planning to fail.
6:30
Yeah.
6:32
Yes.
6:33
We can't leave things, que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
6:38
Mm-hmm.
6:39
Because it's not like that.
6:40
Particularly not in the United States, if you do not plan for yourself
6:45
and think the government has your back, that's not true because the
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government is interested more in taxes,
6:54
and how to take it from you, you know?
6:57
Mm-hmm.
6:57
So it's not like the government will not take, but at least you
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want to plan first to minimize unnecessary loss of your assets.
7:08
Yes, I agree with you 100%.
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But there's so much confusion.
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I mean, in the sense that not that.
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You know, people, I hear this question among my friends too.
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The difference between a will, a living will, or even the difference
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between wills and trust, which one will protect your family better, do you
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think you can talk to us about that?
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Oh yes, sure.
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We know that a lot of people, it's the popular legal document that has
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to do with estate planning is will.
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Am I right?
7:43
The short form of last will and testament.
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A lot of people you hear, say.
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I need a will.
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I need a will.
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I need a will.
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You know, however, many people don't know that a will does not answer a
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whole lot of problems that has to do with estate planning or probate.
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Will does not give the answer to probate and actual fact will takes you to probate.
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It's like you suing yourself because that's the legal document.
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A probate court, or in Maryland for example, the register will
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ask if a deceased person has.
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Why I say so is that a will may not be sufficient to protect you and your family?
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It's good to have one.
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It could be a good starting point, but it may not be sufficient.
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So when you speak with an estate planning attorney, they're able to look at you,
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your family, your assets, your goals, and ideals and say whether your things
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are lined up in such a way that, oh, will is okay or not, maybe you need more.
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So, a summary what I say is this, everybody's got an estate.
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If you think you don't have any, that's not true.
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If you have a home, you have an estate.
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If you have a bank account, you have an estate.
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If you have clothing, jewelry, you have an estate.
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If you have a car, you do have an estate.
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If you have retirement plans, life insurance policy and all those.
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All those are what the government looks at, and I'm sure every one of us got
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something, even if it's only a bank account with some little money in it.
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We got an estate.
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So,
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when do you know you need a trust versus just a will?
9:59
Mm-hmm.
10:01
You need a trust.
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If you have young children, you need a living trust.
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And in this case there are different types of trust, but we are gonna be
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focusing on a revocable living trust.
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Okay.
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If you have young children, we'll probably recommend you have a living trust.
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If you have a blended family, we'll likely recommend you have a
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living trust if you have a home.
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Your home is probably, you know, a lot of homes have a lot of value.
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That's the high value assets people have.
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You may need a living trust, but all these are different from families to families.
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So I'll say that if your assets, total assets is more than a small
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estate, by definition of law, you may want to speak more to an attorney
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about which is better for you.
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There are a lot of dynamics in between, but if you have nothing, no.
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Everybody's got something that's what I said.
11:13
Yes.
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Everybody got something.
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If you don't care about going through probate court,
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or you don't have anything at all, or you have very minimum assets,
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then you may just need a will.
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But the definition of minimum is relative.
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So it's always good to speak with an attorney.
11:43
Well, thanks for clearing up that bit about estates, because some people
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think, you know, oh, I must have at least, you know, a certain amount of
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money or a certain amount of assets, you know, worth an amount that they
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think in their mind is worthwhile.
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But you said something that I think is very important, at least if you have a
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bank account, at least you qualify for having an estate to start with that.
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And I'm sure if you look through, you know, you start coming up with
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a list, you can find out that you have a lot more than you think.
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Definitely, definitely we undermine what we have, you
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know, as women, and we shouldn't.
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We shouldn't undermine what we have at all.
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I have a situation, someone, you know, she came to the office and I need a will.
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I was like, you need a will?
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Well, let's talk about it.
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Let's have a planning session and talk about it.
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You know, and well, what do you have?
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And we started going through the list.
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She had a bank account.
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She had a meager life insurance policy.
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You know, she had a home, but she had a vehicle.
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Mm-hmm.
13:08
Let's even say she doesn't have a life insurance policy.
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Usually we find women that have vehicles.
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Am I right?
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They have a bank account, they get money, am I right?
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They have children.
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Mm-hmm.
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So all these make it important to have conversations about this because God
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bless those with more than we usually, you know, appreciate that we have.
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You are so right, so do not under estimate what you have.
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As you mentioned earlier, jewelry.
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Exactly.
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Mm-hmm.
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Some of us have jewelry.
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Mm-hmm.
13:57
We have those costly bags.
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Am I right?
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The Gucci...
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The shoes.
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The shoes, the M K, what is it called?
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Michael Kors.
14:08
Mm-hmm.
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The Coach.
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Mm-hmm.
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A few of us have those.
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Am I right?
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We have some pieces of jewelry.
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Jewelry
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or gold.
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Mm-hmm.
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We have some expensive furs.
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We have chinaware.
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We have pictures.
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So we have pictures.
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We have artworks.
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Artwork.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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Thank you for breaking that down.
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So, once you start a list, you know, you find out just as we are talking
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now you realize that you, oh, I actually have more than I think.
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Furniture in your house, you know?
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Oh, so much, so much.
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Well, you mentioned something that I think is important.
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I mean, we live in a age where we are hearing more and
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more about blended families.
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Now let's address that, you know, blended families and inheritance so that there's
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no fight between children, stepchildren, you know, spouses, et cetera.
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That's something I think a lot of women probably avoid talking
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about, but needs to be addressed.
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Is that something you can talk about?
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Definitely.
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I'll touch on it.
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So we live in a day and age where a lot of families come together having
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either children before marriage or prior marriages and that fosrm a unit.
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Mm-hmm.
15:39
Many people get married after being settled somewhere else, and they have
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their assets before they come in.
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And you find out that you have stepchildren, you are
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step parents, am I right?
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Some of them have younger younger children that are their stepchildren.
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Some of them have older children.
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However, a lot of conflict could happen.
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If plans are not in place,
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why?
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And also apart from the conflict that could happen, there could be
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situation where you are unintentionally disinheriting your children and
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giving your assets to your spouse.
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So I'll give an example of something that happened before.
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We have a stepfather married to mom, and mom has children.
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So the children are step children to the stepdad.
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Am I right?
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Unfortunately, mom passed away before mom passed away.
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She was sick.
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Okay.
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She was very sick and because the husband/stepdad was not in good
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terms with the children, because of course the children had done some
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unacceptable things in the past.
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The stepdad did not allow them to see their mom, so there was a lot of conflict,
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and then there was court situation.
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On who is gonna be making decisions for the mom?
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Is it the husband/stepdad, or is it the adult child?
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The mom did not have any plans in place.
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Not a power of attorney, not a will, nothing.
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Mm-hmm.
17:45
So the judge had to make a decision who will be the decision makers
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/ power of attorney for the mom.
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There's so much conflict there because these are two loved ones.
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I'm sure the mom will be so sad seeing the husband at loggerheads with the child.
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Mm-hmm.
18:09
Mm-hmm.
18:10
Well, at the end of the day, unfortunately, the mom passed away.
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The same day the court hearing was...
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Oh no!
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And now they have a home among other assets that had to go through probate
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because there was not plan in place.
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All right.
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And for those who have a plan in place, let's say there was a will, and
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typically the will will say, a lot of people will say, I give everything I
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have to my spouse and the spouse too have a will I give everything I have.
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You know, I give everything I have to my husband and I give everything
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my husband, you know, vice to my wife, two different wills.
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Now they forgot that there was, you know, they had children when they
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were giving everything to each other.
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Mm-hmm.
19:10
When the will is probated,
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everything, including the home, which belongs to the
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mom, will go to the husband.
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This was the stepdad.
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Who is the stepdad.
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Who was at loggerheads with the mom's children, her biological children.
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So they're not his.
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Exactly.
19:35
Mm-hmm.
19:36
Yeah.
19:37
Okay.
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So now, this home that we are talking about was a home that
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the mom had with a prior husband.
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Mm-hmm.
19:49
Who is a dad to the children.
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Mm-hmm.
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So now because the mom has given the everything she got to the new husband,
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the children don't have anything from the mom, not even including their dad's house.
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Complicated.
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It could be complicated.
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That's one example among many of complex situations that can arise as
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a result of being a blended family.
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Without a thorough plan in place, there could be so much mess happening,
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and that's just one of them.
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And that one of them, that one example is complex enough in
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itself just thinking about it.
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Oh my gosh.
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I can see the strife that comes from that, you know, happiness,
20:48
bitterness, because this is their mom.
20:50
Exactly.
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And all along they've always assumed that this house would be theirs.
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And now, they've lost in quotes, everything, and they've lost
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their loved one, their mother.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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And the mom did not have a say at that point when the dad locked out the child.
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Oh.
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Before she passed away, because the stepdad did not allow
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the child to see the mom.
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Oh my gosh.
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And why is that?
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Because she doesn't have written directives about what she wants.
21:28
But this is where the power of attorney comes into play, right?
21:32
Yeah.
21:32
Because there's one, yeah.
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Healthcare directive and power of attorneys.
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Mm-hmm.
21:39
So basically the power of attorney is a legal document that has to
21:45
do with finances and everyday life decision making and wellbeing.
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Who is going to make decisions for you in the event that you
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cannot make one by yourself?
21:59
Like, who's gonna go to the bank?
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Who's gonna help you with litigation?
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Who's gonna sell your stock?
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Who's gonna make insurance policy for, you know, who's going to go to social
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security and for you and all that stuff?
22:12
Who's gonna go to the post office and pick up your mail?
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Things like that.
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Yes.
22:17
You know?
22:18
That's the power of attorney, the general durable, general power of attorney.
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And then we have the banks look for sometimes more specific ones.
22:27
You know, who's gonna sell your house for you?
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Let's say you wanna sell the house.
22:32
So all those are covered by the power of attorney, and it's important.
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Those are critical legal documents because you could go thus far.
22:43
But at some point they'll be saying, where is the authority?
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Where is the authorization?
22:49
Yeah.
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And it's important to have that authorization, and there are
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a lot of ways to go about it.
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You don't have to make such legal document effective immediately if
23:00
you're still sound, if you're still making decisions by yourself, you know?
23:06
And it could be effective only upon incapacity.
23:10
Yeah.
23:11
When there is a need for it or if there's a need for it, you know?
23:16
And the healthcare directive too is a separate legal document.
23:20
Mm-hmm.
23:20
But that is specific to healthcare.
23:23
Who is gonna make healthcare decisions for you in the event that
23:27
you cannot make one by yourself?
23:30
People get accidents once in a while and they cannot, you know, function.
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Some of them lose their mind, some people have strokes, you know, and they cannot
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do things healthcare wise by themselves.
23:48
So all these don't let it be too late before you have that.
23:54
A lot of us, we have car insurance policies.
23:57
Why do we have car insurance policies?
24:01
Because we are forced to have one.
24:04
Yeah.
24:04
You can insure your car, but you can't insure your life and you can't make
24:11
sure that your assets are properly insured by having estate plans in place.
24:19
Such an important part of life, you know, and it's such an important point you made
24:25
that we insure our cars, we insure our homes, but we don't insure ourselves.
24:30
To ensure that we don't have all of these complexities arise
24:36
when, as you said, even, you know what happens if you can't speak.
24:39
You've been incapacitated in a way, accident or whatever it could be.
24:44
'cause life happens.
24:45
I mean, accidents are accidents because that's exactly what it is.
24:49
You don't plan on it.
24:50
You don't plan.
24:50
But it happens.
24:51
Yeah.
24:53
These legal documents are what's going to give you the voice because now your
25:01
wishes have been turned into directives.
25:04
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
25:09
Whoa.
25:10
You know, one thing I love is talking with my guests because
25:13
it's, I was so interesting.
25:15
I don't even know where the time goes, but there's something I
25:17
wanna touch on very quickly.
25:20
But there are two things actually.
25:21
Well, the quick one is that I learned, or me and my siblings learned
25:24
this the hard way where, okay.
25:26
Power of attorney.
25:27
We didn't realize that the power of attorney only has power when
25:32
the person is alive, correct?
25:34
That's true.
25:35
Correct.
25:37
Yes.
25:38
Ever think about that.
25:40
That's true.
25:41
A lot of people are confused about that as well.
25:45
I see some people they'll say, oh, we have power of attorney.
25:48
And when the person has passed away, they'll now say, oh they, I
25:52
said that power has expired, man.
25:54
Yes.
25:59
What do you mean?
26:00
Yeah.
26:00
Power of attorney.
26:01
Nope.
26:01
It's only when the person is alive.
26:03
Is alive, you know?
26:05
Yeah.
26:06
Yes.
26:06
Yeah.
26:06
And the thing is, power of attorney has its double-edged.
26:12
So we have to review all these legal documents from time to time.
26:15
Mm-hmm.
26:16
So as I said, first of all, if you still have sound mind, have a power of attorney
26:23
that is effective upon incapacity.
26:26
So if it's needed, you know, then it's available with two physicians authorizing
26:35
saying that yes, confirming that the person is incapacitated, then the
26:40
part can become effective, you know?
26:44
But for those women that are like in the senior ages and they're already
26:50
needing their children to care for them and all that, I sometimes will
26:57
recommend that the powers of attorney and the healthcare directive be effective
27:02
immediately so children can help you.
27:06
Mm-hmm.
27:07
Or whoever is helping you can help you.
27:11
You have to choose trusted people, you know, because the same power
27:18
gives the person the authority to speak with someone on your behalf.
27:24
The same power gives the person the authority to help you could
27:30
be used as well to harm you.
27:32
Mm-hmm.
27:33
Okay.
27:34
That's scary though.
27:35
Yes.
27:36
That's scary.
27:36
That's scary.
27:37
It's very scary.
27:38
Because we see a lot.
27:40
It's double-edged.
27:41
They can use that same authority to make sure that they sell your home.
27:47
Mm-hmm.
27:48
They can use the authority to clean out your bank account.
27:51
Mm-hmm.
27:52
They can use that same authority to help you manage your everyday expenses.
27:56
Mm-hmm.
27:57
And help you with your benefits and all that.
28:00
So it's positive and negative.
28:03
That's why you have to give it to trusted people.
28:05
And once you don't trust them anymore, change it.
28:08
Change it.
28:09
Yes.
28:09
You know?
28:10
Yes.
28:11
Yes.
28:12
Important, important.
28:16
Wow!
28:16
Hmm.
28:18
I'm learning so much.
28:19
My mantra is I learn something new every day.
28:21
So one of the things I'd like you to talk about before we wrap up and have
28:25
the audience join us is about legacy planning and why it's not just the
28:29
passing of money, but also values.
28:33
And one thing too stories, you know, we forget that, you know, there is a
28:39
wealth of knowledge in people's voices and their memories and the history.
28:45
Talk about, you know, our family history because sometimes
28:50
the older generation die out.
28:52
I'm hearing that a lot more among my peers and even my young
28:57
adults are talking about that.
28:59
So, mom, how did this happen?
29:00
Or how, and I realize there's an importance in recording your history,
29:06
your verbal history, your family history.
29:09
'cause it, I mean, it's not just sometimes so that you can know, it
29:12
can even help you with your health.
29:14
When things arise and you wonder, Uhuh, where did this come from?
29:18
And you are like, great-grandmother had X, Y, Z, or great-grand uncle did this.
29:23
And you're like, okay, now I'm clear.
29:26
So can you talk a little bit about legacy planning?
29:29
Yes.
29:30
So legacy is beyond money.
29:33
A lot of us, we remember to pass our homes, pass our bank accounts,
29:38
and give those to our loved ones.
29:41
However, we don't remember to capture our experiences, our stories,
29:49
our values, our face, our love.
29:52
Mm-hmm.
29:52
You know, those are intangible assets.
29:56
That you need to plan for as well.
29:59
So we call it legacy planning.
30:03
So it's beyond the estate.
30:05
It's now like what are you passing to your loved ones that they
30:09
cannot hold with their hands.
30:12
A lot of women, they're powerful, empowered, educated, entrepreneurs.
30:18
Mm-hmm.
30:19
The list goes on.
30:20
We've attained so much, or we attain so much and we still attaining.
30:26
Mm-hmm.
30:26
And we need to make sure that these things, our stories, our faults, our
30:34
victories, we capture them, video form, audio form, any way, just make
30:42
sure it's recorded, you know, and make that part of your planning.
30:49
Love it.
30:50
And that's part of what we do in our office.
30:53
So we don't just give them the estate planning, we record them.
30:58
We call them legacy interviews where we'll ask you stories about
31:03
your upbringing, your children.
31:05
Tell me one word that you know about your child.
31:08
If you're gonna describe your child with one word, what's it gonna be?
31:12
What's your idea about education, money, things like that, so that the
31:18
next generation and the next one, the next one, can learn from us.
31:22
Mm-hmm.
31:23
You can tell about your history, you can tell about your values, you
31:28
know, which one is more important to you, money or education?
31:32
You know, you don't even bother about any, whichever one face.
31:38
It's an important value that we have, that we need to pass on
31:43
from one generation to another.
31:45
Yep.
31:46
So all this the Bible says a good, I'll say woman leaves in an inheritance for
31:54
our children's
31:56
children.
31:57
And that's part of legacy.
32:00
So it's important that we have all this captured, not just the physical
32:06
asset, but also the intangible ones.
32:12
Whoa.
32:12
I could talk with you forever and I'm sure, as I said early on, our audience
32:16
has tons of questions for you because this is a topic that is long overdue.
32:24
We need to talk about these things culturally it's a topic sometimes
32:28
that people will say taboo.
32:31
Why would you be talking about this?
32:32
Oh, yeah.
32:33
Yeah.
32:34
I mean, forget about it.
32:35
Yeah.
32:35
You know what I mean?
32:36
It's,
32:36
There's certain myth.
32:37
There are a lot of myths around estate planning from what you said.
32:42
Some people think that when you have a plan in place, estate plan, that means
32:46
the next day you're going to pass away.
32:48
Mm-hmm.
32:49
No.
32:50
Some people think you have to be rich in order to have a plan in place.
32:55
No.
32:56
It's not for the wealthy, it's not for the old.
33:00
Some people think you have to be old and retired before you
33:03
need to have a plan in place.
33:05
No, once you have an asset, you have children, then it's time to plan.
33:12
So I'll say if you're 30 years old and above, have an estate plan.
33:19
You don't even have to have children because you have something.
33:24
So, all this and much more, it's important.
33:27
Yeah, it's important.
33:29
It shouldn't be a taboo.
33:31
We need to go past that.
33:33
We need to go back past that.
33:36
So, we know that there are people in the audience who wanna ask your question,
33:39
but for those who are listening online later on, on YouTube, on the audio
33:43
version, on Apple Podcasts, or Spotify or even YouTube has podcasts these days,
33:49
how can they get in touch with you?
33:51
Yes.
33:52
Thank you.
33:53
We would love to hear from our audience some more.
33:56
You can reach us our office phone number.
33:59
Our office is IvyLaw Law Office and our phone number is (301) 276-0887.
34:07
On our website, www.ivylawoffice.com.
34:13
On Facebook, IvyLaw updates.
34:18
We're on Instagram, we're on LinkedIn, and you know, we just
34:22
try to be current and everywhere.
34:25
Yes.
34:27
I love it.
34:27
I love it.
34:28
And for those of you who have heard Attorney Jumoke, she's a
34:33
guest on my show so can you be.
34:36
So if you want to be a guest, then you're a woman.
34:38
Or even though we have a few men.
34:41
Please reach out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com.
34:45
I am also on LinkedIn as Paula Okonneh.
34:48
I'm on IG.
34:50
My handle there is at Chat_Experts _podcast.
34:55
On Facebook, look for Paula Okonneh and we have a YouTube
35:00
channel, Chatting with the Experts.
35:02
Subscribe to us there.
35:05
And every week you would hear, a very inspiring educational and fun, informative
35:14
episode from these accomplished women.
35:17
Thank you again.
35:19
And now we are gonna open up the floor to our audience to ask all questions
35:24
that I forgot to ask or wanted to ask, and didn't just have the time.
35:30
Thank you for saying yes, Attorney Jumoke to being a guest
35:35
on Chatting with the Experts.
35:37
Thank you very much.
35:38
I appreciate.