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Excuse My Grandma’s Take on Sex and the City—Then and Now (Ft. Candace Bushnell) · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
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• 0:15
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• 0:40
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• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohosts.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: Grandma Gail.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: So for everybody listening, remember to follow the show whether you're listening on Spotify or Apple, whatever streaming platform, please press the little follow in the corner. And if you already follow, rate us five stars, leave a review. It makes a huge difference to the show. Grandma, I'm really excited for today's episode.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: I know you are. You've been talking about it for the entire weekend.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: I like your earrings, by the way. They're little love hearts.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: I'm wearing yes. I'm wearing I decided I'm wearing my mother's jewelry today. I'm wearing her wedding band as well.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Oh my. I've never seen you wear a wedding ring.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: I never well, I got married. She got married in this, and then I really got married in it. It's just a round gold band. You know, the funny thing is I was thinking about that with all the talk about rings now that you see on Instagram and everything with all the fancy things, you're not supposed well, at least in the Jewish religion, you're supposed to be married in a a circle. Married Married in.
• 1:59
  And then after that well, think I put this away. It's the sixty years that I've had it, and she was married sixty five years, so it worked, the wedding band.
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: So I just was in the mood this morning. I was looking at something else, and I felt like connecting with her.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, with our guest today, we're gonna be talking all about
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: That
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: love and dating and relationships and sex. So Candace Bushnell, who wrote Sex in the City Right. Is gonna be joining us later in the episode. She basically changed the way we talk about dating and sex.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: Well, the TV. On TV. And the media. Plus, really, nobody that wasn't a really a groundbreaking series at the moment. I think it was 1998.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. And then went into the early two thousand. Yeah. Started as a column that Candace wrote about her dating and sex life where she, you know, was like, and just like that, he came home Right.
• 2:57
  Whatever.
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: And You could have written one of those, Kim. You're very good at all these millions of dates you've had.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Thank you. I I'm sure I'll relate with her on
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: this You could write a book or a column as well.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: I and I wanna know, like, is that the way to talk about your dating experiences in 2025? Because now we basically do it on a podcast rather than a column.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: So Exactly.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: What is the best way to do it? I wanted to ask her. But at the time, you know, she was writing super candidly and about dating her twenties and thirties. And now, she's writing about dating and sex in her sixties. Yeah.
• 3:33
  And she just did it in this new article, which we're gonna talk to her about. It's called Sex After 60 in Sag Harbor. It's New York Magazine piece, part of the cut. We're gonna talk all about that with her. But now let's talk about us.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: I think we have to talk about us.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: Let's recap July 4 weekend.
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: Exactly. Exactly. Well, we had a great weekend. The weather for the first time in the Northeast was pretty good. Of course, in other places that had terrible floods, and we send our, you know, our heartfelt sympathy out to Texas where we we keep watching it, and McKimney had posted something today as well.
• 4:08
  It's just awful. And it isn't the first time. I was reading an article, about twenty years ago. They had another catastrophic flood in the same area.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: So how are you not prepared?
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: Well, I don't the weather people did exactly the right thing. I think they they they were did not put an upgraded system in, in the community, and that's gonna of course get investigated. That's not our business. One man, I was watching TV last night, he's not a firefighter, but he goes into these areas to rescue people. He rescued a 165 people That's amazing.
• 4:46
  From this flood. A 165. Yeah. I mean, you know, he's a great swimmer. He evidently has won all kinds of things in college and high school and swimming, and he could swim against the current.
• 4:55
  Oh, wow. And he was able to save these people, and of course he's being deemed a hero as all these responders. These first responders are amazing to do what they've been doing. I'm really
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: happy he was there because I can barely tread water in the deep end.
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: Well, that's exactly right. Well you can, but the truth is these people have amazing skills and our hearts go out and we're all wishing them well and of course the families who suffered so terribly we're thinking of you all the time. But from our point of view where we were, the weather was beautiful. We were very lucky, in the Northeast.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: You don't go to the beach or anything.
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: So No. Don't sit in the sun anymore. Yeah. Because the doctors have now told me that all my problems that I have are caused by the years from sitting in the sun when I was young.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Think because we know this, yet I sit in
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: the You get addicted. Know and I keep telling you don't do it because
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: Can't you do it safely?
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: I don't think so. I think even if you use all these wonderful, what is it, SP 50s and 60s or 30s, whatever they have in the ointments, I still think that certain amount of rays go through and it's proven if the longer you live, you're going to get affected by some form of skin cancer and, it's just a fact of life. So the best thing is what we now do with children. They wear the floppy hats. If you go to the in the sun, there's no reason why you can't go to the beach and you know, stick your feet in the water, but wear a hat, you know, and try to keep your arms covered with those swim shirts, which everybody now
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: But, like, I'm not going to the beach as a 29 year old woman and wearing a swim shirt when my friends are in bikinis.
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: Well, your friends shouldn't be in it either. It doesn't matter. Everybody everybody really should be watching themselves. I know that everybody's playing golf with these special shirts now.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Sports versus, like, you're trying to look good on the beach and get a like, you just look better with a tan.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah? Well, now.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: Wait. Do you wanna hear something crazy? Yes.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: I don't
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: know if it's hilarious or
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: Or it's terrible.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Terrible. So when Zach was with us earlier in the week, we I gave him sunscreen and Right. I was using it myself, like a spray on sunscreen, what I thought was sunscreen.
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: Oh, no. But It was perfect.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I when my friends came a few days later, I handed it to them and they were like, this isn't sunscreen. This is thermal water.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: She was supposed to be spraying.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Which is really why does that even exist? I think it's just water in a can to, like, cool off. Keep it cool. So but, like, who has that in a sunscreen
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: You did. Oh, in a sunscreen In
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: a sunscreen bottle.
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well you just didn't read the labels.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I just thought, like, everything from this brand was sunscreen. So we've been the whole weekend, we were spraying ourselves. We were like, we're so good. We're, like, being protecting ourselves. We were just spraying ourselves with water.
• 7:39
  Speaker 6: Well, you didn't read.
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: The two of you I really fell down on the job.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: A terrible red stripe across his stomach. And I was like, why did you burn like that? And so he was already at this bachelor trip that he went on, and I texted him we weren't using sunscreen. And he was like, So it's your fault.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: Basically. Yeah. It's always your fault. That's Or my fault. Not my fault.
• 8:01
  It doesn't matter.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was how I know what thermal water is and to use
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah. Oh, you well, yeah. You've got it. That's just to refresh yourself. Like, you have those little portable fans that you can walk around with.
• 8:14
  But anyway, it was a beautiful weekend.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: We're both at the same restaurant Friday.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: Oh, that was the funniest. This was a restaurant. Well, we can say the name, Crazy Pizza. It's a chain, I believe. Then just
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: the city.
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: And I think they're across the country. Think there are several of them.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You're right.
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: It was a it I'll tell you the place itself is so much fun. I I now know that older people, anybody I think over 50, should not go on a Friday or Saturday night. You know, think I am You thought it was loud too.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: In my twenties. And I would say, like, it was really, really hard to have a conversation. Well,
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: the funny thing is we walked in a little before you did. So there were two choices. For some reason the captain who was very, very nice and a matter of fact he brought us over champagne. He was good
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: looking, right?
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah. He forgot to bring my daughter-in-law a drink. She was sitting there and sitting there and finally I think the waiter forgot to put it in. So he brought everybody champagne, which was very sweet. But instead of putting us to when you walk in, we should have gone to the right.
• 9:15
  He took us to the left. There was no music over there. We were in the room with the DJ.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: It was loud no matter what, but the room we were in with the DJ
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: It was intense.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: We were right next to each other.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: I know. That was so funny. Was. They didn't know we were related. No.
• 9:30
  They just but the rest of the restaurant was busy on the other side too.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I just think what this restaurant is perfect for is
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: 20 post
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: grad, 22 year olds. Screaming and yelling
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: with the music. Yes. I agree.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Who don't wanna have a conversation. Just want to drink and party and And have
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: there were a couple of large tables doing that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So it was very appropriate I for would have loved it ten years ago.
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: Right. Well your grandfather I think couldn't hear a thing, I told him to turn his hearing aids off because he was like in an echo chamber. He didn't, but anyway he couldn't hear anything. And we were in the corner so it wasn't as bad as what you were saying. It was terrible.
• 10:09
  The poor people next to us were on a date. They were That's
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: date place.
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: And he leaned over to Poppy and said, what is this? He's trying to be romantic. He ordered a bottle of wine. I could see what was going on, the dynamic, and his evening was over.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: Like, I'm not against a vibe y place. Yeah. But there's a difference between creating a vibe in, a pretty restaurant in the bun.
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: And it was very pretty.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: It it just needed to be 50% lower.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: Right. I mean, could almost see this in Montauk on the beach if everybody's partying. This was in an area. The food, I have to tell you, my salad and the pasta that I shared with my daughter-in-law were absolutely delicious.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: The food was like that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: It was very, very good. I would go back there, but not on No. The
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: you're not. Not like that every night?
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: No, no, I think just on the weekends. Oh, Oh, they also had saxophone players blasting music, so if you and the pizza guys were twirling the bread. I think it was a fun place.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: I don't know. We were in and out, by the way. Like, it was quick.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: And we Right. We got out. We didn't get that.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Okay. So yeah. Then we just went home. We, like, watched Parent Trap.
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: It was just
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: a killer night. Okay. And then the next day, we went to two barbecues that friends were having.
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: But didn't you go on a boat?
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. We had a boat day.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: That was a beautiful Both
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: and then two barbecues.
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: Right. You were very busy that That was
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: a busy day. That was nice. No complaints.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: So the girls had a good time?
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. That was to catch up with them. Yeah. And, you know, one's a psychiatrist, one's a therapist.
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: Oh my god. They could have analyzed oh, that's your heaven. Yeah. You died, went to heaven with Exactly. These two
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: I'm like, this was my dream last night. What did this mean? Right. I can ask right when I wake up in the morning and it's excellent.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: And it's very cool. They both were in the same class as you at Cornell, same sorority, and they're both very lovely, successful young women. Yeah. We're very proud of them.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So it was nice to all be together. But again, like chiller barbecues, 20 people. I didn't go to anything with a 100 people.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: Right. So I did.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: did. I went to actually
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: I haven't gotten the deep breath.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: Well, it was somebody's big birthday, one of many big birthdays, but it was a big birthday for her. And I must say, unfortunately, the cocktail time she has beautiful gardens, so everybody was outside looking at her gardens and whatever and talking and chatting, and it was very, very nice. And then all of a sudden, cloud came off the ocean and you could see the sky getting darker and darker. So it stormed. Oh my gosh.
• 12:42
  It stormed Thursday night. So don't you oh, it was terrible. And they had a tent. The tent was absolutely magnificent. They were prepared for
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: me.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: Oh, they were always having a tent. When you have that amount of people in an outdoor venue, have to be prepared. So they had the most it was like a Moroccan ceiling, so they were like little gold stars and blue panels. It was beautiful.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: Did take pictures?
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: No, I didn't. There were people taking pictures, but I, you know what, it was so beautiful and the people who did the flowers and the catering were they were top notch. Everything was really perfect. They had a band in the beginning just but they played, which, of course, for this crowd was perfect. They played all the music from Lafranc Sinatra.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: I would love that.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it was very very retro. Oh my god. Very lovely. And then
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: The peering best cover over the
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: Oh yes, which is very nice. Table, I must say she's very creative anyway, but the people who helped her, they were very smart because the most frustrating thing to sit around a large table when you have eight or 10 people at a table is when you have a center arrangement and you can't see across the side. So she had about six or seven low little beautiful, almost off gold, like almost like a bronzy color decanters and she had white flowers and all of them around it. And then there was a mirror top which was placed on and with little bronze votive candles. Very beautiful.
• 14:12
  The whole setting was beautiful and it reflected the sky, you know, the top of the tent. It was terrific. Everything was perfect, but at the end of the evening she sang a song, but it wasn't that she I I don't it wasn't her no. It wasn't her voice. She did a karaoke.
• 14:29
  It lip synched. Right. And it was terrific about getting old. And she was what song was that? I don't remember, but it's a very famous song, and I can't think of it now.
• 14:38
  But she was great.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: That is something I would do.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: And it was great. So that was really fun.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: And then she
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: had a fabulous saxophone player from New Orleans on
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: who I had- Like a wedding?
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah. Oh better than a wedding. I said this is a waste. We could have had a wedding in here in two seconds. It was really spectacular.
• 14:57
  So she had John Baptiste who was one of the foremost jazz I had actually seen him. Had performed at Brown's graduation So I had just seen him. And so Poppy was glad because we left a little early.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: Did you say hi or no?
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: To him, no. No, he goes on with an entourage and he didn't know me personally. I didn't know him at the graduation
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: either. Don't put a pass to you to say, I just saw you.
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: Well, we weren't that close. So, but it was, he was, he's wonderful. I mean, he's just terrific.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: So you Irish exited. You don't say goodbye to the host?
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: No. Just say thank you the next day. We left about ten minutes before he was finished. Yeah. We figured, you know what?
• 15:37
  This was it was raining.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: they had the golf carts come up and get you to the cars. It's the car situation that's a disaster. Totally. So, anyway, it was a great evening. And then we had other things over the weekend, which were equally as nothing as spectacular as that, but it was pretty cool.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: That sounds great. Yeah. Great July 4 weekend.
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: Yes. Yes.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: Okay. So now before our guest gets here, Grandma, did you watch Sex and the City when it
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: was all? I did. I did. And of course, I loved it because and you know what was so much fun about it besides the sex scenes that were supposed to be the story of Candace's life Right. Which were very avant garde at that particular moment on television.
• 16:16
  Yeah. The costumes that these girls wore, they were fabulous. And everybody wanted to emulate the Manola Blonde Akiles and the the skirts and the the different outfits that the the women on the show wore. And and the men were handsome too. Everybody was beautiful.
• 16:32
  There was nobody that wasn't absolutely perfection in the show.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: I think Sarah Jessica Parker, got to keep all of the clothing for the archive.
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: Did she really?
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Own personal archive. It was in her contract.
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, her clothes were absolutely the best.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So cool. It's like
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: She was. Cool. Whoever did and I think she got all kinds of awards, the, dress designer who I forgot her name, but, they were terrific. They were very it was a very different highly styled show at that particular time. Don't think anything was this in the same category, really.
• 17:04
  So, you know, it was fun. At the time,
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: we'll ask for this too. Like, it felt different than other shows out there.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, she was the only one really doing that kind of subject matter.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Right. You know? And it was on I think it was the CW maybe or something. It was on
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: a channel. It was on regular channel. It was on I don't know if it I think it was a b I think it was ABC. We'll ask her.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: Well, what but, anyway, now it's on streaming.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, that was good. There was no streaming in 1998, Kim.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Right. So, obviously, I was two years old in 1998. I didn't watch it then, but I have binge watched it since. And we were saying this earlier, but, like, watching it from a perspective in, you know, twenty twenty something, it still holds up in a lot of ways, but then also in a lot of ways Yeah. Of
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: It's a little cringe worthy, some of it now.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: It is. It's some things are cringe or you're just like, how, was that okay?
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: Well, you know what? It probably wasn't okay, but we weren't as sensitive to certain issues in those days.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Like the 2000 relationships between very the
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: hard. You know, I often say this with other subjects as well. It's very hard to put your values from 2025 on something that happened in the 70s or the 80s or the 90s because it was a different outlook. Not that you're probably right in criticizing it, but at that particular moment in time that was part of how society for most of society felt on different issues. It'll It's be
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: one person's perspective. It's her stories and like Well, was her story, but she was
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: the only one really talking about it the way she did.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think why I'm gonna tell her this too, but why the show is and and was so strong is, like, it's relatability. Like, so many people watch
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: Especially for young people.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: For young women. Right. And and also the discourse that's going on now still on social media is Career versus to be single in your Yeah. That's that's we've talked about that. 22 in this show.
• 19:12
  No. They were in their mid thirties, early teens.
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: I don't know if they were were they? Is that what they were So supposed to
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: that's a whole thing. Like, whenever people are feeling bad about being single, I see so many women say, well, Carrie Bradshaw was 35 or whatever it was. So that's She she really was speaking to a very particular audience at that time,
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: which is now the entire female population. Right. And when she did it, she was really groundbreaking.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Okay. So let's play a game. Should we bring it back?
• 19:42
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• 20:01
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• 20:06
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• 20:23
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• 20:42
  Okay. So really from the nineties. Smoking in restaurants. Carrie was always smoking.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: I know. I'm glad we're not I don't wanna bring them Let's not
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: bring them back. No. Landlines? I still have
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: a landline. I like a landline. And you know what happens if your cell goes out? I think every house should have at least one landline sitting somewhere like in a kitchen or a bedroom in guess case if of an this
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: cell isn't working, can technically call someone from your laptop or your
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: I know. But people over a certain age are not so flexible Okay.
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: The middle of
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: the night when usually an emergency happens.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: So you're singing bring it back or didn't go I away for
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: would hope that no. It comes back a little bit. It's gone away a great deal.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Walking everywhere in heels. Like, Carrie was always in her Manolo's. Now I wear sneakers everywhere.
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't put a pair. I don't think I could walk. I actually, after COVID, tried to put on the high heels again. I forgot how to walk in them. So I'm not bringing those back.
• 21:34
  Whoever wants to wear them, I still think they're beautiful.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: I love wearing heels. You look very pretty. And then if I'm getting in and out of a car, but I used to walk everywhere in heels.
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: I'm not Well, so did a lot of people.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: I don't wanna bring that back. Breaking up on a Post it note.
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: I think that's so rude.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Horrible. That's know, so it's such a funny story from the series.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: I think that's so terrible.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: Not bring
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: it back. Don't bring that back.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: The tulle skirts, like she wore in
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: her 15. Well, that came back again a couple of years ago with Christian Dior. So they never really go away. They have a little quiet moment and then we put it away and then we bring them back. Right.
• 22:09
  Maybe with a little think different that
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: would bring it back if it's not super puffy.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: No. You're right. Well, they're not super puffy now. And you wear them with a blazer or you wear them
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: with shirt. Wear them sometimes.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Because that those were great.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: Cosmopolitans is, like, the drink of the summer. I still like it. I never drink a Cosmo.
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: Well, they're very sweet.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: I don't wanna
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: do that. If you have if you nurse it and it looks pretty at the table.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Look pretty. But there are other cocktails for summer, I feel like, now.
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: Name plate necklace
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: But I don't think we should say we can't bring it back.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: No. Like, you can have a Cosmo. I'm just saying, like, I feel like they always go for Cosmo.
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: It might not be the drink of this summer.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Name plate necklaces. Like, she would always wear a necklace that said carry on it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: No. I wouldn't bring that back. I'm not obsessed either. No.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Okay. Candace Bushnell, welcome to Excuse My Grandma.
• 22:55
  Speaker 5: I am so excited to be here because we know each other. We saw it at
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: Palm Beach. We we really know each other from Palm Beach. I used to see her with her dogs. Yes. And I didn't know I knew who she was.
• 23:08
  I didn't go up to her. But Yeah. Now I'm so excited to see her close-up. Well, obviously Beautiful.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: See it. Beautiful. Beautiful. And we know you from the iconic Sex and the City. And now you're talking about dating and sex in your sixties.
• 23:21
  So I'm really excited to get into all of those experiences and your piece. But first, gotta say, huge fan. I was just telling you before, saw your one woman show. Watch we were saying, I watched Sex and the City. I was two when it came out, but I feel like it's a rite of passage at even up until today, when you hit 20 or whatever it is, to rewatch and binge it.
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: Yes. Well, it's, it is, it's something that women have been watching. I, it's really when you go to college. Yeah. Like 18, '19, 20, you've arrived in a strange place.
• 24:03
  You don't know anybody. And then somebody's like, oh, let's watch the show, Sex in the City. Oh, it's all about single women in New York. Okay. Great.
• 24:11
  And then, so it's really a rite of passage, and now it's on Netflix. Right. So in a way, it's actually bigger than Yeah. But it's always been something that is it's a perennial you know, it was on when it was on DVDs, they were watching it on DVDs in their college dorm. So and it's fantastic.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Well, I watched it as a young married. Well, I wasn't a young married. I was I was already a grandma. I wasn't a young married at Vicky in 1998. But when you did it, it was really because I watch the actual thing every week.
• 24:48
  It was really groundbreaking. I mean, it was something different that was on television, especially for women. Yes. You know, it really gave women a voice as, in a in a in a sophisticated way to be recognized as a person who worked and who had a career. And, of course, the sex that encouraged everybody to sort of tune in, but there was a big message in the show.
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: Yes. Well, it's, oh, it's so interesting to me because I always say, that New York City is one of the few places where women have traditionally been able to come here. I mean, really even since the nineteen twenties. I mean, the flappers were really women who left the farm and came to work in the big city. But, you know,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: we have a tradition of, you know, groundbreaking women here who, you know, worked and were really successful and made money. So The difference was having a successful career and integrating it into their married life if they chose to be married. Right. And that was the big difference in New York. You could do both, sometimes not so successfully, but you had the opportunity.
• 26:01
  Whereas in a lot of small town places, you weren't able to do it. So that was a big difference. So it was a very It was a sophisticated show that, you know, everybody sort of got eventually. But it really was sort of focused to the girl who was working in a big city.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: And like, single in your thirties. And like, do you remember the reaction that people had when it first went well, I guess first with your column and then also when the show came out.
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: The column had people had everybody was reading it. Mhmm. And it was something that the reason why it ended up on TV was because people were faxing it to their friends in Okay. The entertainment business in Los Angeles. And I had lots of offers.
• 26:46
  I mean, I had offers from three movie companies. HBO was interested. ABC was interested. Darren Star was interested. And I didn't really take any of it that seriously because, you know, TV was different then.
• 27:01
  Right. And this is it's kind of hard to explain to people, but I was when the show came out, I mean, I was so much more interested in being you know, writing novels and winning the Pulitzer Prize than in having a hit TV show. Like, everybody That's the
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: goal now, I feel, for so many
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: And now that, you know, that is That is goal. Goal for people. But, you know, back then Right. I mean, it really wasn't until the show had been on for a couple of years that, you know, people told me like, oh, hey, this is a hit
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: for HBO. Differences. I think it made a difference in young women's lives that they Oh,
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: think it did. It really did. It absolutely did. But you know what? It did because it was authentic and it could be real.
• 27:52
  There wasn't all this pressure on it. Like, oh, it's got we have to have this huge audience, you know, right away. You know, back then it was just it was a, you know, it was a great TV show. It was funny. It was really well written.
• 28:08
  You know, it made sense. You know, the episodes had you know, were the same structure. So it was just really, really good TV. You were involved
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: in the first two seasons or how long were
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: you involved? Worked in the writer's room. Oh. And then I got a contract for a million dollars to write novels. So I was like Yeah.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Were fine.
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: Bye bye. I'm gonna go and write novels.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Right. Yeah. So No disrespect to the filmmaker or the TV makers and everyone who was involved, but I do think it went downhill after your stories weren't like as involved and after your input wasn't there. Like, that's just my opinion.
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: Well, yes. I mean, my I mean, my feeling about it is, first of all, it takes so many people Mhmm. To make a TV show. Right. It takes, you know, one person, you know, to write a novel.
• 29:02
  So I'm really used to working by myself all the time. But it takes so many people to make this TV show. And
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: And chemistry amongst the actors.
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: Yes. Chemistry amongst the actors.
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. But that's every show.
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: But also everybody who worked on the show, they really they were so excited about it. You know, everyone was like, oh, it's on HBO. We can do things differently. You know, they did. And really that's, that's the reason why the show is successful.
• 29:37
  Like all these people, they want to work on it. And you know what? It's hard. Like, gotta get up really early. Sometimes you have to work all night.
• 29:46
  I'm like, I maybe stay up all night, but I ain't working all night. Okay?
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: Bye bye. Which is better
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: life work balance now than this early year.
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: But it's, you know, I'm grateful to all the people who, you know, want to do it. It's fantastic.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: It's wonderful. And I must say, because it was on HBO, you could do a little bit more of the sexual nature of it. Exactly. That it really it was a little more it was a little sexier. I mean, people would watch it and it titillating.
• 30:21
  Really was. I'm glad. No, it was. I still remember a couple of the scenes and I, Oh my gosh, this is on television.
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: Well, I remember some Samantha scenes where was like, You know, that actually looks really fun. Wonder if I should try And then I was like, No, I can't do like a chair
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: on the
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: swings. Oh, the swings.
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: And she's always on a swing.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: That's too complicated.
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: But she was really your character. I always thought
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: Well, Carrie. Do you think
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: it was Carrie or Samantha or Mitch?
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: No, that Carrie character, that That was was my your alter alter ego. Yes.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Speaking of, based off first impressions, what would you say we are? Which character? Just characters. Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, or Miranda.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm not even in any of those.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Well, everybody's always
• 31:09
  Speaker 5: gonna say that you're Charlotte because you have dark hair.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, I guess so. Feel like she's Charlotte. No? No. But this but the no.
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: I'm maybe more Miranda. Interesting. Like, kind of to the point. No BS. I guess.
• 31:27
  And she's a successful woman.
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: True. It was of you. No.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: No. And you. And you. Alright. But but anyway, it's I feel like everyone wants to be Carrie because she is, like Well,
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: she is the coolest.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Most fashionable. Were you always into fashion also? Like, is that how it made its way into the show?
• 31:46
  Yes.
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: I was always into fashion. Mhmm. And, you know, I'm still into it. Not as, I would say, as experimental as Right. Pat Field.
• 31:58
  Mhmm.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: I used to was the go the cast. Yeah.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: We were trying to think.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Were trying to think. Yes.
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: And I used to go to Pat Field when I was when I first came to New York, I was and this was probably I mean, I wanna say it was, like, 1980, and she had a store on 8th Street, And they were so cool. Like, you knew like, when you walked in that store, you were like, god. I hope they'll let me stay in here. I hope I'm cool enough. Yeah.
• 32:25
  Was like, buy something. Yeah. And yeah. So that was always Part
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: of you. You in a way. Yeah.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And and but, you know, it's it's interesting because
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: She was working.
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: She was was work on the pilot. And when I look at the pilot, I'm always like, I remember the clothes were not right on the pilot. And I was like, was like, this isn't And then Pat started working and
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: then that's when That's so crazy. So you talk about the dating scene in New York, the Hamptons, in your sixties, which in a way is just as groundbreaking as back then talking about dating and sex in your twenties and thirties because we don't hear about that in the media that often, what that's like as a mature woman. Yes. That's because
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: well, you know, for a long mean, first of all, I've just been really, you know, writing about basically things that are happening at the age that I'm in. So I did write a book called Is There Still Sex in the City, which was all about being in your fifties. And at the end of that book, I was so happy to be 60 because, you know, a lot of bad things happen to people in their fifties. Like, a lot of people get divorced. Usually, like, a parent could die.
• 33:57
  Some or somebody you know is gonna die. It's gonna be, like, a little traumatic. Right. Kids maybe are gonna leave home. And and then you're like, you know what?
• 34:05
  I'm gonna get a dog, and I'm gonna be creative, and I'm gonna live the life I always wanted to live. And so maybe that's your sixties. And then,
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: It doesn't happen.
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: I think what I think the big difference between, for me, dating, like, in my twenties and thirties and dating now in my sixties is, like, when I was in my twenties and thirties, it was like, we all put up with a lot more stuff. Than women would put up today put up with today. Like, for instance, the Yeah. Okay? Back then, if you got the you were like
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: You kept your mouth shut. You kept your mouth shut.
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: You were like, you you you got over the You just had to get over the ick. You kind of had like no choice.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: Why is that?
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: Because you didn't have the financial choices.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: So,
• 35:05
  Speaker 5: you know, women really couldn't make it on their own. So it's it it does come down a lot to finances. But so, you know, like, you would just, like, you'd get over the ick. You know, men, they're pretty disrespectful towards women. And, you know, I mean, over the years, I've heard a lot of male conversations that are quite disrespect disrespectful to women.
• 35:34
  I'm sure that you have as And
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: the age, like the 77 year old you were talking about in your story, who really was so violating in every way. But not really though. Really.
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: The way that have to understand that, that the way that that man was behaving was the way he thought that men behave. Like, really is not trying to be disrespectful Right. Or anything. He's actually trying to do what he thinks a decent man does. Like Yeah.
• 36:14
  Pick you up, ask ask you out right away, like be sort of aggressive about asking somebody out because that's what men were told to do. Right. And so they did it. And, you know, and sort of like taking control of the situation. Those are all things that men
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: Of a certain age.
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: Yes. Of a certain age are taught to do. Right. Younger guys don't do that.
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: Because they were brought up differently.
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: They're brought up totally different. Like I've got this
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: friend who's 24. He, he asked me so many questions
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: about myself and like, what
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: do you does. Think about
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: Well, it's not a date because he's inappropriately young, but he is a friend. And, you know, he's much more curious about other people than, you know, this man in his seventies is. But you know what? That's how a lot of guys of that age are because they were brought up that way.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: And we're not trying to change them. Like, we can't expect them
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: You to cannot change them. Yeah. I mean, you have to know, like you can't change a man. You can't.
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: You can't change a man. We've discussed this many times. Right. When they're 30, if you don't like the habits that they are when they're 30, they're just gonna get worse.
• 37:35
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: So don't ever think that they're gonna change. You have to take the person for what they are. Yes. And I have so many friends, they're a little older than Candace, but who are unfortunately single, either divorced or with What's that unfortunately single? In those cases No, no, no.
• 37:51
  I think some of them are, they didn't want to be single, for some reason their husband passed away or whatever, and then a couple have gotten divorced. And it's very hard dating out there because they would like the a lot of women would still like the romance, no sex, but the romance. Right. And the guy of they're not gonna go out at 65 or 70 with somebody 40, so they're going out with 80 year olds. And it's it's very different.
• 38:19
  It's it's so you have to understand each part of dating is different. And the best part is when you're in your twenties and thirties. Never think it's gonna be better
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: as it goes. Exactly. I mean, that is something that and I know there are exceptions to this and there are people and there, there are people who say like, oh, sex, it, you know, it gets so much better. The older you get, I'm like, if you feel like having sex, do it. Right.
• 38:50
  Because it's really, in general, it's I don't really see it getting a lot better. I mean
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: Not when everything's hanging down.
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: No. No. I mean, that's like, that's enough
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: hanging down. Whether it's the man or the female, they're all hanging.
• 39:02
  Speaker 5: Exactly. It's everything's hanging. It's like nothing is new for I'm good. I'm okay. Yeah.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah. A lot of my friends, like, they'll say to me, oh, if we go if I go over to his house after a date, like, what if I'm in a position where, like, we have to have sex? Like, is it too early? Or like, I want to, but is it are they gonna lose their interest in me? Things like that.
• 39:28
  And your answer is do it no matter what?
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: No. That that actually is, that is not my answer. Not her answer. That's actually a joke that I made because, you know, at one time there was a three date rule and you, you could, figure out like, hey, I'm interested in you, but, you know, I'm gonna wait at least three dates. And at one time you easily would get those three dates, you know, so you could get another.
• 39:55
  Now it's like everybody goes to you after the first date. I mean, it's like, there is no second date. Right.
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: So if you don't like them, move on.
• 40:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah. But, you know, that's been the conundrum really since the, since the 1980s when of, you know, if you go back to his house and, you know, I mean, listen, sometimes people just they wanna go back to someone's house because they want to, you know, make out with them, hang out with them a bit, not necessarily have sex. And it used to be that used to be, like, quite possible, really. I mean, you had to you you you had to judge. I mean, you never knew.
• 40:39
  It, you know, could end up being a really bad situation. But one thing that women used to do, they used to tell each other. So if there was a guy who was, like, badly behaved, like, knew him, and everybody, like, knew this guy and would tell each other, this happened to me. Right. I mean, that's really, in a way, the foundation of sex in the city.
• 41:04
  True. You know? It is women saying, like the women. This guy's great, and this guy, don't don't go to his house. He's could do this.
• 41:13
  And then some other woman's like, oh my god. Same thing happened to me. And then they're like
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: Well, do you know this Facebook group, like men not to date in New York or something like that? You know, I I don't know it.
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: But Yeah. It's It's I do know of these Yes. Things like things Yes. Like, are you dating? Are we dating
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, we dating the same man? That's what it's called. And Yes. Yeah, people write in it, and they're they talk about the horror story dates that they went on and kind of, but it's kind of, it's less about small things and more when there's actually
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: someone Right. Being Very dangerous. Yeah. But
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: I think dating when you're, like in your situation, I think it's harder because, first of all, there are fewer nice men out there, and then you have the issue that a lot of nice men who are, let's say, in their 70s don't wanna date someone in their 60s. They wanna date someone in their 40s. This becomes difficult. And this
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: is one of the things that dating apps and technology has really, really changed. At one time, you know, if you were divorced in your fifties or sixties, chances are you would would meet somebody else who was your age, and they would be wanting to go out with
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: You.
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: With you, with somebody of the same age because they didn't have access. Someone who's twenty years younger is the age of their friend's kids or their kids. And they don't have access to people who are twenty years younger except socially and it's frowned upon. But with dating apps and technology, you have access to people who you never would have had access before. I mean, I have guys who are, you know, 30, 40 younger, who I've matched with
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: on dating apps. Because it's personalities and life
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: Is it is appropriate? No. But at the same time, it's like, there's a real crossover of ages that didn't exist before.
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: And,
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: and, you know, and a lot of like, you know, it was like that guy they tried to put up for the golden bachelor and they had just gonna bring this up with you. And he was like, I won't date anybody under, you know, anybody over 60 because in his mind, like 60 is a number that a lot of guys, they can't wrap their heads around it. Like, they cannot But
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: sometimes it's just why are you going on the golden bachelor if the whole idea is to date more mature women?
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: Probably because he's wanted the money.
• 43:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah. He wants the money. That's definitely. I mean, it's not like money. Now that he's
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: said publicity. Quote on a podcast or wherever he said it, like, shouldn't ABC I think they did fire him.
• 44:10
  Speaker 5: Oh, they did? I I think so. Yeah. Feel like I just read Yeah. Something.
• 44:14
  Maybe.
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: I don't know. Because I feel like that's so against the whole franchise. That's the whole point.
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: Well, it's that of that particular
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: Of that show. Right. But when you're saying, like, dating is bleak as you're getting older,
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: I don't I actually don't find it bleak.
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: Your stories certainly were exciting. So that's
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: not bleak. Yeah. I mean, I guess they're they're interesting men, but they're just not -They're not for me. Yeah.
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: Don't forget also, Carrie Carrie, I'm thinking. Candace is in a position, she's an accomplished author, she's economically self sufficient, and she's beautiful. So she has lots of pluses that a lot of women do not have at her age. So if she doesn't like somebody, she doesn't have to put up with any of the bullshit. I don't have to put up with any of the bullshit.
• 45:06
  If I met somebody, I'm poo poo. I'm not meeting anybody. What happened to I'm married for nine hundred years. But there are people out there that are not as fortunate, and those people end up getting they're more subservient to the male sex than we would be.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: And for those holding out for the right fit, like,
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: do you stay hopeful? Okay. First of all, men are men. All right.
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: They behave
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: a certain way. They have a certain mentality. Call it testosterone. They have a different hormone. We have estrogen.
• 45:46
  They have testosterone. When you go through menopause, you realize your whole you've had estrogen glasses on your whole life. And you're like, they're off. They're off. Now I see things clearly.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: And whatever. It's different. So it's freeing. It's very, very freeing. But, you know, men, they think
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: With their behave
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: very much alike. You know, there are all of these things on social media where they talk about things like, you know, men by nature are not leaders. And that is true. They always tend to coalesce around like one horrible man. Like why?
• 46:26
  Why? Yeah.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: They're fantasizing that that's them.
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: And and they're, you know, I mean, they're not really leaders. And, you know, that's why the army exists and they listen to what other men tell them to do. So there's a very different mentality. And a friend of mine, she hadn't dated for a while. She said, I'm gonna get married.
• 46:48
  This is gonna be my year to get married. Okay. Well, she met up with a matchmaker. The matchmaker fixed her up with a guy. On paper, he seemed absolutely great.
• 46:58
  He had a couple of houses. Not that that's important, and they were sort of, you know, whatever. But he owned real estate.
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: And
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: he was divorced, and and he was looking to get married. And he met her, and they seemed to hit it off. And he said, I want to marry you. And then she spent a weekend with him, and she realized, like, he gets all of his news from Joe Rogan. Wait.
• 47:31
  Okay? She said, he's a Republican.
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: Uh-oh.
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: He's on his phone all the time. He actually, his where his real estate is, you can't get around without a car, and he won't lend me a car. It's getting worse. And and I and I was like, but you know what? This is a straight man.
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: Right. They're not that many around. Of, you know That
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: of a certain age, of that ilk. Like, that's that's
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: their biggest, as you would say.
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: But, you know, it's certain type, that's what men are like, and if you don't like that, then don't Right. That's honestly it. Exactly.
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Exactly. I
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: mean, that sounds kinda harsh, but, like, this idea of, oh, there's this fantasy man, like, you read romance and romance.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: Tell
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: him there is none of that.
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: It's all about a woman's idea of what she wants a man to be. Mhmm. It has nothing to do what with what men are really like.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So the girls who are going out looking for those guys, like, are they wasting their time at the bar, like, waiting for him to walk Probably. Up to them?
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: I'm sure they're having a nice cocktail and hopefully talking to people and being out Yeah. Which is really the most important thing to
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: me. Yeah.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: Right. True. I think also, side note, people really wanna be like you. They want especially aspiring storytellers, like, goal is I'm gonna tell my dating stories. Like, how many dating podcasts are out there?
• 49:19
  I really feel like it's all mirrored off of your original concept. Do you think being a writer or a columnist is still the way to get your story across? Or what do you think the best medium to do that is now?
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: Well, my advice on this, and I always say this, go with the newest technology because that's gonna be the technology that's gonna be of the future. Like writing books, yes, I'm probably, you know, will write another book and probably will write another novel because it's something that I'm interested in doing. Yeah. But, you know, as a business to go into, you know, I don't know. Who knows if it will be around
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: That's right. In '50 It's like It's like newspapers. Who's in newspapers? Many people are gone? Yes.
• 50:11
  People are shopping online.
• 50:12
  Speaker 5: People do still, you know, work for work. It's, I guess it's all content. Exactly. Yeah. Really.
• 50:18
  So I would say, you know, it's like, you should, you work on your content and then you see where it goes in terms of technology. Exactly. You know, like it's a, it's a point of view. It's a voice and, you know, artists do the same thing. They have their point of view.
• 50:40
  They have their voice. So it's really working on your content and making your content, you know, individual and you.
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: And it'll get picked up somewhere. Because if it's good, if it's good, it gets picked up.
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: It might not be on the normal mediums that we know, but whatever it is at that particular moment
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: If it's well done.
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: We have a few minutes. I wanna do a quick rapid fire from our Ask Grandma Anything. People wrote in questions that we could all answer together. Oh. A lot not even knowing that you were coming on.
• 51:16
  So I know that this really is something women are curious about. Somebody said at 75 and starting over, how? Dating advice for meeting someone if you're a woman in her forties. Is 37 too old to start dating? How do I start?
• 51:29
  Dear God, send help. I'm 55, but not at all acting like 55. Like so many questions around, is it too late for me? How do I start? Candace, do you wanna Yeah.
• 51:42
  Let's go Well,
• 51:43
  Speaker 5: and I've I've actually been saying this for years. It's really important for women to know how to be single and in a relationship because chances are, you know, the way life is now, there are gonna be times when you're not with somebody and times when, you know, you are with someone. So I would say the important thing is to focus on making your life as good as you can make it, you know, on your own. Mhmm. Mhmm.
• 52:13
  And and, you know, let the other parts maybe come naturally.
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: Well, know my feeling. I'm getting to believe that arranged marriages are getting better and better when you're young. Oh, yes. I'm certainly beginning to think that because for whatever reason, I really think families know more than the young person about who's really good in the long run. See too many of the young girls looking for something that's not realistic and I've said this to you often.
• 52:45
  Fairytale nonsense. You have to have somebody who's smart, who can make a living, who can be a good parent if you wanna have children. You might not choose to have children, so that's something you discussed prior, but if it is, you have to find someone who's a good role model for that. So they are prerequisites. It's not because the sex part and whether he's handsome or whether she's beautiful is fleeting.
• 53:09
  So I really am getting to think that the best romance is the first romance when you're young, not the first date, but the first real romance and the first real commitment to a to a relationship. And that should be your focus. If that doesn't work out for whatever reason, there are many reasons, then and I hope you've done something in your own life that you can are fulfilling yourself, which is so important and which Candace is really saying. I think you have to identify what you like to do and do it to the best of your ability. Now I'm speaking from my point of view, people listen to us, I never did that.
• 53:46
  I had a family, my life revolved around the children and around my husband, but I always had my own life. I always did philanthropy. I taught school a little bit when my kids were little. I did remedial reading. I did it voluntarily.
• 54:00
  I didn't I didn't make money. I didn't thank heavens I didn't need to have a job for financial reasons, but I always try to give back to the community. And I think people have to find something in their own life that they're good at, whether it be raising money for their church or for a community service, a food kitchen, someplace. Go ahead and do something that's strictly your own, and then everything else will sort of fall into place. But I'm beginning I really do think the young women today, especially, are fantasizing about what relationship should be.
• 54:35
  So I wish everybody would sort of get back to reality. I don't know if they're gonna it's gonna
• 54:38
  Speaker 5: happen in know
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: what? My
• 54:39
  Speaker 5: I think that's actually a good point. And also I feel like I know so many young women in their twenties and their late twenties, thirties, they want to be with a guy and they can't find one. And I feel like if you want, you know, if you are looking for that kind of relationship in your life, you should be able to find And so that's always frustrating to me is that, you know, women can't I don't think they know themselves. I watch like Married at First Sight. Yeah.
• 55:14
  It's like, what's wrong with these guys? Yeah.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: The reality show is a whole another podcast that we have to like debrief, but I think just based off my own experience, it's like not only those things on paper, but also that like romantic connection. I'm not necessarily saying fireworks or a spark, but like something else that you
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: can't really put into words. I and I do understand and totally agree with you on that because one of the things I found that's so that's the biggest difference between dating now and dating, like, back in, you know, the nineties and dating now. Yeah. It used to be so easy to make a connection with someone. And now it's almost that connection is what is seems impossible for people to do.
• 56:05
  And I I don't know if there's many rules. They do rules. Too many distractions.
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: Then they're relationships, then they're not in a relationship, then they're committed. If if they buy
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: through be the nineties rom com or the early 2000s?
• 56:19
  Speaker 4: Well, no Those didn't exist, so forget that. Those are made up in some man's head in some studio. Whatever. But I think what's happened is everybody now feels they have to meet a certain schedule, a certain point Right, in a
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: First time, so there's so many lives lost.
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: But how do you know that? I mean, nobody knows that.
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: Exactly. I hate to say goodbye, but Candace, thank you so much for
• 56:42
  Speaker 5: joining Well, this is so much fun.
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: It was so fun, and everyone should go read Candace' amazing piece in New York Magazine. Where can people find it?
• 56:51
  Speaker 5: Like, comment on Well, but also, I'm doing a one woman show. Tell tell me. And I'm doing it it's probably two I'm doing it in Westport, Connecticut Okay. Tomorrow, and then I'm doing
• 57:01
  Speaker 4: it at Guildhall in East Hampton. When are you doing that?
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: We'll be there.
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: We'll there. We'll go.
• 57:05
  Speaker 5: July 18.
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay. Next weekend, we'll get tickets.
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: Okay. Amazing. It was not about. Amazing. Thank you so much.
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: Oh, this
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: is so much fun. And
• 57:15
  Speaker 4: thank so
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: much. For listening to Excuse My Grandma, and we will see you next week. Bye.