Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / #HURDLEMOMENT: An Expert On Strategies To Overcome Trauma

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#HURDLEMOMENT: An Expert On Strategies To Overcome Trauma · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: When we are not healed, and when we are operating
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Speaker 1: on unprocessed trauma, our bodies feel yucky and they feel
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Speaker 1: out of control, and they remind us day in and
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Speaker 1: day out that we're not healed. And so that is
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Speaker 1: one of the most powerful ways to really check in
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Speaker 1: on your healing is that when you can wake up
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Speaker 1: in the morning and Okay, let's start the day versus
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Speaker 1: another day. I mean, that's a really powerful sentiment.
0:36
Speaker 2: What's going on everyone, Emily A body here.
0:38
Speaker 3: You are listening to another installment of Hurdle Moment from
0:41
Speaker 3: Hurdle a while. Those focus podcasts reconnect with everyone from
0:45
Speaker 3: your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs about
0:48
Speaker 3: their highest highs, toughest moments, and.
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Speaker 2: Everything in between.
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Speaker 3: We all go through hurdles in life, and my goal
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Speaker 3: through these discussions is to empower you to better navigate
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Speaker 3: yours and move with intention so that you can stride
1:02
Speaker 3: towards your own big potential and of course have.
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Speaker 2: Some fun along the way.
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Speaker 3: For today's episode, I am sitting down with doctor Elizabeth Fedrick.
1:13
Speaker 3: She's a licensed professional counselor. She's also the founder of
1:17
Speaker 3: Evolved Counseling in both Gilbert and Phoenix, Arizona, and we
1:23
Speaker 3: are chatting all about trauma and how to process it,
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Speaker 3: how to know that you are healing, as we cover
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Speaker 3: in today's chat. Listen, there are so many different events
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Speaker 3: and types of trauma that we go through in our life,
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Speaker 3: and big or small, each of them can leave a
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Speaker 3: lasting impact on us. So doctor Fedrick is schooling us
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Speaker 3: in how to move through it different helpful strategies, ranging
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Speaker 3: from acknowledgment and taking a good solid look at the
1:59
Speaker 3: individual jules you surround yourself with, as well as acknowledging
2:04
Speaker 3: potential patterns, whether that be with the people that you
2:08
Speaker 3: hang out with or choose to spend your time with,
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Speaker 3: or perhaps in decisions that you're making, and how those
2:14
Speaker 3: patterns can be indicative of where you are in your
2:18
Speaker 3: healing journey. I also found it really interesting when Doctor
2:23
Speaker 3: Frederick talked about how trauma may present itself in our
2:27
Speaker 3: day to day lives, including sporadic movements that we may not.
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Speaker 2: Even be cognizant of.
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Speaker 3: Fidgeting if you will anyway, this conversation full of actual tips,
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Speaker 3: tricks and takeaways that I know you are really going
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Speaker 3: to appreciate.
2:44
Speaker 2: Make sure if you.
2:45
Speaker 3: Haven't done so yet that you are following Hurdle on
2:48
Speaker 3: social over at Hurdle Podcasts, and if you have yet
2:51
Speaker 3: to rate and review the show, I would just really
2:54
Speaker 3: really appreciate you if you take a second and do
2:57
Speaker 3: just that. The link to do so is in the
3:00
Speaker 3: show notes. Give it five stars. You know you want
3:03
Speaker 3: to make sure you're also following me over at Emily
3:07
Speaker 3: a Body. And with that, let's get to hurdling Today.
3:23
Speaker 3: I am sitting down with doctor Elizabeth Fedrick. She's a
3:26
Speaker 3: licensed professional counselor. She's also the founder of Evolved Counseling
3:31
Speaker 3: located in Arizona.
3:32
Speaker 2: How are you doing today?
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Speaker 1: I'm good. Thank you so much for having me.
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Speaker 3: Of course, I'm so happy that the schedule is aligned,
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Speaker 3: and I am positive, absolutely positive that we are here
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Speaker 3: to talk about something extremely important today, and that is
3:48
Speaker 3: navigating trauma and signs that you're healing from trauma. So
3:52
Speaker 3: before we get into that, why don't you give us
3:55
Speaker 3: a little bit of insight as to who you are
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Speaker 3: and how you got into this line of work as
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Speaker 3: a certified professional counselor.
4:04
Speaker 1: Sure, absolutely so, Yes, I am a licensed professional counselor.
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Speaker 1: I own a couple of practices here in Arizona Group
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Speaker 1: Private Practices, and I specialize in relationships and attachment, anxiety
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Speaker 1: and depression and trauma. So those are the key elements
4:21
Speaker 1: of what I work with my clients on. I've been
4:24
Speaker 1: in the field for a very long time. I started
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Speaker 1: out by working with children adolescents, and then over time
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Speaker 1: it has evolved into me working more with adults and
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Speaker 1: then relationship based and so whether it's individually working on
4:36
Speaker 1: the relationships or together as a couple or as a family,
4:39
Speaker 1: that is my wheelhouse. That is what I do.
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Speaker 3: And did you always think that you wanted to go
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Speaker 3: down this path professionally.
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Speaker 1: Well, I knew I wanted to be a counselor from
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Speaker 1: a very young age, so that was a psychology component
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Speaker 1: I've known. How I've arrived at the work that I'm
4:55
Speaker 1: doing currently has certainly been a process, and it's been
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Speaker 1: such a beauty full journey because it, you know, really
5:02
Speaker 1: a lot of growth that takes place in each aspect
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Speaker 1: of my career that has then led me to the next.
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Speaker 1: And so I really do feel like I have found
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Speaker 1: my passion and where I want to be in this field.
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Speaker 3: You know, it's interesting hearing you say, I knew that
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Speaker 3: I wanted to work in, you know, the psychology side
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Speaker 3: of things from a young age. Was there anything specific
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Speaker 3: that happened that fostered that desire within you?
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Speaker 1: Probably some dysfunctional stuff of being you know, family's caretaker
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Speaker 1: and problem solver and you know, really taking on that
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Speaker 1: role from a very young age. And so people would
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Speaker 1: tell me so often, you know, you're wise beyond your years,
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Speaker 1: which we know really is translation to codependency and all
5:42
Speaker 1: these other aspects. But at the time that was really
5:46
Speaker 1: uh I and not at the time currently still, I
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Speaker 1: really just enjoy helping people, and I enjoy providing empathy
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Speaker 1: and support and helping people to see things from different perspectives.
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Speaker 1: And so that's just something I've I've liked for a
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Speaker 1: very long time, starting a child.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, there are probably many women listening to this, hurdlers
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Speaker 3: as I call them, listening to this that can really
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Speaker 3: understand and sympathize with the idea of why is beyond
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Speaker 3: your years? Are also being the person that's the caretaker.
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Speaker 3: So you're certainly not alone within that.
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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and it is true, and there's a lot
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Speaker 1: of what I sit with with relationships that being you know,
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Speaker 1: betraying once needs some boundaries to show up for other people,
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Speaker 1: which are learned behaviors.
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Speaker 3: Oh Man, betraying wants, needs and boundaries. Jeez, there's so
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Speaker 3: much to unpack here, but trauma. Let's focus on what
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Speaker 3: we showed up here to chat about today, and before
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Speaker 3: we address signs that you are potentially healing from trauma,
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Speaker 3: it's probably important that we give a summation of what
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Speaker 3: exactly trauma is and the different forms that it can
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Speaker 3: come in.
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Speaker 1: Right, So, trauma from a broad perspective is can be
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Speaker 1: defined as anything that shatters your work worldview. So the
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Speaker 1: way you once saw life, the way you want saw
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Speaker 1: yourself the other people in your life, you no longer
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Speaker 1: look at it the same way because of this event
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Speaker 1: that has taken place. And to your point, that can
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Speaker 1: be any that can be small, that can be something
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Speaker 1: that is really subjective that maybe nobody else understands, and
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Speaker 1: that can range then all the way to the bigger
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Speaker 1: traumatic events that we know to identify as trauma. But
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Speaker 1: really any of those events that influence your world, worldview
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Speaker 1: and your beliefs about yourself can be identified as trauma.
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Speaker 1: And we also look at it from the lens of
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Speaker 1: if you think back to this event that took place
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Speaker 1: and it elicits and emotional responses though it just happened
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Speaker 1: yesterday or last week or even present moment, we then
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Speaker 1: identify that as unprocessed trauma. And so there's these two
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Speaker 1: components of it, and as we age it manifests in
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Speaker 1: a whole lot of way, and our and our mental
7:53
Speaker 1: health in symptoms of anxiety depression, finding ourselves repeatedly in
7:57
Speaker 1: the same type of dysfunctional relationships. There are a plethora
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Speaker 1: of reasons in ways that that, especially that unprocessed trauma
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Speaker 1: continues to influence us way into adulthood.
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Speaker 3: Trauma is so interesting in that there can be something
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Speaker 3: that maybe in the moment you don't realize has such
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Speaker 3: a long term or landmark impact on you, but then
8:22
Speaker 3: many many years down the line, you're having a conversation
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Speaker 3: with someone or simply who knows moving something around the apartment,
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Speaker 3: and then it's like, bam, this thing just pops up again.
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Speaker 2: Why is that?
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Speaker 1: So to go into I'll try to make it not
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Speaker 1: too long winded, but from a biological neurological perspective, we
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Speaker 1: have the emotional center of our brain, which is our amygdala,
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Speaker 1: and our amidala is what triggers the fight and flight response,
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Speaker 1: and the imidullah stores sensory memory. So when we've had
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Speaker 1: an event that sends us into a threat state, that
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Speaker 1: we feel unsafe, that we feel like our worldview is
9:00
Speaker 1: being shattered, those sensory components of that event actually gets
9:04
Speaker 1: stored into this portion of our brain. And so then
9:07
Speaker 1: as you're saying, we can be in a present day situation,
9:10
Speaker 1: we can be doing something as simple as the dishes,
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Speaker 1: eating dinner with our partner, whatever the case, and if
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Speaker 1: something triggers that sensory memory of this event, it floods
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Speaker 1: our body in the same way that we're in a
9:24
Speaker 1: threat state. Yet again, it floods us with adrenaline, cortisol,
9:27
Speaker 1: nor epinephrine, all of those things that sends us into
9:30
Speaker 1: the fight or flight state. And so then we that
9:33
Speaker 1: is you know, the big buzzword trigger that we hear
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Speaker 1: so often and people talk so commonly about that is
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Speaker 1: actually what's happening scientifically as a trigger, is that our
9:43
Speaker 1: brain is alerting us, hey, this has happened before, and
9:46
Speaker 1: so you need to protect yourself. And it becomes really
9:50
Speaker 1: maladaptive if we're not aware of it. But truly, our
9:53
Speaker 1: brain is designed to keep us safe and so it's
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Speaker 1: an amazing quality that we have if we know how
9:59
Speaker 1: to manage it. But if it's left outside of our
10:02
Speaker 1: awareness and we don't know what to do with it,
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Speaker 1: it often becomes hugely detrimental to our relationships and to ourselfs.
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Speaker 3: It would be really easy to ask a simple question
10:12
Speaker 3: that's not so simple, like, okay, so how do we
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Speaker 3: manage it? But I know that the answer is not
10:19
Speaker 3: something that we can just sum up in a matter
10:21
Speaker 3: of thirty to sixty seconds, right.
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Speaker 1: And it's true. And what I tell people, yes, there's
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Speaker 1: a whole process. Seek out, you know, help from a
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Speaker 1: mental health professional, but start with self awareness. And that
10:34
Speaker 1: is the best place. That is my qu quickest little
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Speaker 1: nutshell of information for you would be start with self awareness.
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Speaker 1: Understand why your body reacts and the way it does
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Speaker 1: and the things that are triggering it. And that's a
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Speaker 1: really profound place to start with this process.
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Speaker 3: And that holds true for so many different things in
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Speaker 3: our life. Right when it comes to something that we
10:56
Speaker 3: may want to influence or make a change in, the
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Speaker 3: first step to being able to go about doing that
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Speaker 3: is recognizing what's happening with you right in front of you,
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Speaker 3: and that in itself can be a challenge, Is that right?
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Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh, incredibly, because we operate in this comfort
11:15
Speaker 1: zone and we are just operating on autopilot. And so
11:18
Speaker 1: a big part of our childhood is a programming that
11:21
Speaker 1: takes place, and it becomes what we identify as normal
11:25
Speaker 1: and what we expect out of our relationships and our
11:28
Speaker 1: reactions to other people. All of these behaviors we carry
11:32
Speaker 1: into adulthood. We do think this is just the way
11:34
Speaker 1: that it is. And so to take a step back
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Speaker 1: and to assess like, well, wait a minute, maybe this
11:40
Speaker 1: is not the healthiest way that it could be. Maybe
11:42
Speaker 1: this is not the best way that it could be.
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Speaker 1: That is really hard work to step outside of that
11:47
Speaker 1: comfort zone.
11:49
Speaker 3: And then to address something that many people struggle with,
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Speaker 3: which is accessed and cost to mental health services. Once
11:58
Speaker 3: someone has that level of self awareness and maybe they
12:01
Speaker 3: do want to seek out additional help or services but
12:05
Speaker 3: feel overwhelmed by the monetary.
12:07
Speaker 2: Burden, what do you say to them? Then?
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Speaker 1: I say that there are a lot of resources available
12:13
Speaker 1: and I am not going to for one second be
12:15
Speaker 1: dismissive around that that, Oh, it's so easy, you can
12:17
Speaker 1: figure it out. No, for a lot of people it's not.
12:20
Speaker 1: But there are state funded programs, there are a lot
12:23
Speaker 1: of scholarship programs there. If you have medical insurance, there's EAPs.
12:29
Speaker 1: So there are different ways to go about it. But
12:32
Speaker 1: when people tell me like it is completely off the table,
12:35
Speaker 1: I hear you, I see you. I get it. But
12:37
Speaker 1: there are other methods that you can go about, whether
12:39
Speaker 1: it's YouTube videos, podcasts, books that you are digging into
12:44
Speaker 1: content that is still relevant. Though of course it's not
12:48
Speaker 1: the same, right, But I say that to be empowering
12:51
Speaker 1: that if we recognize there's an issue, then we focus
12:54
Speaker 1: on what is within our circle of control of how
12:57
Speaker 1: we can do something about it. And that's going to
12:59
Speaker 1: be a spectrum for a lot of people.
13:01
Speaker 3: What is in our circle of control? I love that concept.
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Speaker 3: So now pivoting to chatting about trauma and healing and
13:12
Speaker 3: how to know when the healing is really happening.
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Speaker 2: Where do we even begin?
13:18
Speaker 1: So we will head back to the self awareness. So
13:21
Speaker 1: we have to have a baseline of where we're starting,
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Speaker 1: and so we have to understand this is what happened
13:28
Speaker 1: to me, this is how it impacted me, and this
13:30
Speaker 1: is how I'm showing up as a result. And when
13:33
Speaker 1: we have a real conceptualization of that, we can then
13:36
Speaker 1: understand when we're choosing to do something differently, when our
13:40
Speaker 1: results are different because of those changes in behavior. We
13:43
Speaker 1: now have a baseline that we can reference back to
13:46
Speaker 1: because of the way that we adapt as humans. It's
13:48
Speaker 1: so easy. And I run into this a lot, you know,
13:50
Speaker 1: in therapy. So I maybe I'm working with a client
13:52
Speaker 1: for a year or so and they might say something like,
13:57
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not making any change, I'm not making
13:59
Speaker 1: any progress us. And because we have the awareness around
14:02
Speaker 1: that baseline, because we established that together early on, we
14:06
Speaker 1: can look back to that and say, oh my gosh, like,
14:08
Speaker 1: look at how different your world is today in comparison.
14:12
Speaker 1: And so that's why I really encourage people to start
14:14
Speaker 1: first and foremost with what are you struggling with? Where
14:18
Speaker 1: are these symptoms of trauma popping up for you? And
14:22
Speaker 1: identify that and then start your healing journey and you
14:25
Speaker 1: have something to reflect back on.
14:27
Speaker 2: Right.
14:28
Speaker 3: So, if we were to put this into practice, what
14:31
Speaker 3: could an example of someone who has gone through something
14:35
Speaker 3: and may now be exhibiting signs that they've healed.
14:38
Speaker 2: What might that look like?
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Speaker 1: So being less reactive would be a big sign of
14:44
Speaker 1: this because of the way the amygdalo works of triggering
14:47
Speaker 1: that fight or flight response, it sends us into reactive behaviors,
14:52
Speaker 1: which for some people can be explosive and volatile. For
14:56
Speaker 1: other people it can be withdrawing and isolating. And so
14:59
Speaker 1: when you wreck, regie that you have a better handle
15:02
Speaker 1: on that and when something happens that triggers you and
15:07
Speaker 1: you can now respond in a calmer, more organized fashion.
15:12
Speaker 1: We know that that's a sign of it for sure.
15:15
Speaker 1: The relationships that we choose would be another big aspect
15:18
Speaker 1: of that as well. And then our mood states, So
15:21
Speaker 1: have our symptoms of anxiety and depression decreased another big indicator.
15:26
Speaker 3: If we were to articulate maybe some of those symptoms
15:31
Speaker 3: just to bring some awareness to the listener, can you
15:34
Speaker 3: do that for us?
15:35
Speaker 1: Absolutely?
15:36
Speaker 2: So.
15:36
Speaker 1: Symptoms of anxiety would be overthinking, worrying, a lot excessive
15:43
Speaker 1: energy in your body, so a lot of leg shaking
15:46
Speaker 1: or skin picking where you just feel like you want
15:49
Speaker 1: to crawl out of your skin in a lot of ways.
15:51
Speaker 1: It often impacts your sleep, so maybe you have a
15:54
Speaker 1: hard time falling or staying asleep and then impacts appetite,
15:58
Speaker 1: and so that anxiety is just a constant worry that
16:01
Speaker 1: something bad is going to happen, even if you don't
16:04
Speaker 1: know what the bad is. And with the symptoms of depression,
16:07
Speaker 1: this is generally low moods. This also can be a
16:10
Speaker 1: shift in sleep and appetite. It's loss of interest and
16:13
Speaker 1: previously enjoyed activities, a hard time connecting with others, So
16:17
Speaker 1: maybe doing more withdrawing, a lack of motivation, lack a focus,
16:21
Speaker 1: lack of energy.
16:22
Speaker 3: I would love it if we can now address what
16:24
Speaker 3: happens for the person who finds themselves in their healing
16:27
Speaker 3: journey and is so frustrated because they feel completely stuck.
16:33
Speaker 3: I can definitely vouch that I have been there.
16:37
Speaker 2: I'm sure you yourself have been there.
16:39
Speaker 3: What sentiments do you have to share with that person
16:42
Speaker 3: who really does want to move forward?
16:45
Speaker 1: So let's first stop by acknowledging and really giving ourselves
16:50
Speaker 1: credit for how far we've come, Like that's first and
16:53
Speaker 1: foremost of look at how much progress you have made.
16:57
Speaker 1: And we call this motivational interviewing. It's a therapeutic techn
17:00
Speaker 1: where we can draw on what was required for you
17:04
Speaker 1: to get from the beginning to where you are right now,
17:06
Speaker 1: What did that entail, what did you influence during that time,
17:10
Speaker 1: and we can pull on those strengths to then move
17:12
Speaker 1: us to the next step. But another aspect of this
17:15
Speaker 1: is we need to figure out what does that even mean.
17:17
Speaker 1: So if we're feeling frustrated that we're feeling stuck, what
17:20
Speaker 1: does unstuck look like? What are you hoping to achieve?
17:25
Speaker 1: How are you hoping hoping to feel? And really write
17:29
Speaker 1: this out, write out a list of what are you
17:32
Speaker 1: wanting to be different in your life, to feel healthier,
17:35
Speaker 1: to feel better in general, and then draw on those
17:39
Speaker 1: strengths and the skill set that you already have because
17:42
Speaker 1: you've already made progress to then start to move to
17:45
Speaker 1: that next level. But if you don't know what you're
17:47
Speaker 1: working towards, it's really hard to ever feel successful in it.
17:51
Speaker 2: Right. Wow, what a really great point.
17:53
Speaker 3: So it seems as though this concept of not only
17:57
Speaker 3: writing things down, but also visualization and can be very helpful.
18:02
Speaker 1: And I love that. I love the idea of visualization.
18:04
Speaker 1: I'm a huge manifestor. I believe that what we put
18:09
Speaker 1: out into the universe really does become our reality. And
18:13
Speaker 1: obviously it's not that simple, but that there is a
18:16
Speaker 1: huge component to that.
18:18
Speaker 3: I feel as though a lot of individuals who may
18:20
Speaker 3: not be on the manifestation bandwagon aren't on it because
18:25
Speaker 3: they think that the language can be a little unrealistic.
18:29
Speaker 2: What do you say to them about that?
18:32
Speaker 1: I completely agree. But the type of manifestor that I
18:36
Speaker 1: am is that I'm going to identify what it is
18:39
Speaker 1: that I want to manifest, and then I'm going to
18:40
Speaker 1: work my butt off to achieve it. And so I'm
18:42
Speaker 1: going to put it out there, but then I'm also
18:44
Speaker 1: going to identify all the steps again that are within
18:47
Speaker 1: my circle of control to achieve that. And so I
18:50
Speaker 1: don't believe we just put it out there and then
18:52
Speaker 1: it happens. We put it out there and then we
18:54
Speaker 1: work towards it.
18:55
Speaker 3: You've offered up some really helpful tips so far. What
18:58
Speaker 3: else should we be mindful of when it comes to
19:01
Speaker 3: implementing some best practices on our journey to really achieving
19:06
Speaker 3: that goal state of healing?
19:09
Speaker 1: Yes, so who we surround ourselves with has to be
19:13
Speaker 1: something we consider. And so, what are the primary relationships
19:17
Speaker 1: in your life? The people you spend most of your
19:19
Speaker 1: time with obviously coworkers' side, that's a harder one to
19:23
Speaker 1: influence or control. But the people you go home with,
19:26
Speaker 1: go home to the people who you're surrounding yourself with
19:29
Speaker 1: on the weekends, when you aren't feeling fully supported or
19:33
Speaker 1: encouraged in your healing journey, it can be really hard
19:36
Speaker 1: to be motivated or to stay focused on that, and
19:38
Speaker 1: so that's a great place to check in on. You
19:41
Speaker 1: know who's in your support system. And then also what
19:44
Speaker 1: are your daily habits. Again, easy to lose sight of
19:47
Speaker 1: that when it comes to sleep, to nutrition, to exercise,
19:51
Speaker 1: to meditation, to all of these things that we can
19:54
Speaker 1: be doing to really nourish and nurture our bodies and
19:57
Speaker 1: our minds. How much of that are you engaged? And
20:01
Speaker 1: so I think you know the self reflection around these
20:04
Speaker 1: are all your choices, These are all things that you
20:06
Speaker 1: can influence and control. But because of the fact that
20:10
Speaker 1: we often run on autopilot, most of us lose sight
20:13
Speaker 1: of so many of these things. And so when you're
20:16
Speaker 1: in this healing journey, I think it's really about Okay,
20:18
Speaker 1: stop and acknowledge how far you've come, and then figure
20:21
Speaker 1: out what it's going to take to go to that
20:23
Speaker 1: next step, which is going to require you to step
20:25
Speaker 1: outside of your comfort zone.
20:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, stepping outside of your comfort zone is really what
20:30
Speaker 3: so much of this is really really rooted in, and
20:34
Speaker 3: I really appreciated that tip of looking to see who
20:38
Speaker 3: you're surrounding yourself with. You mentioned earlier that recognizing patterns
20:43
Speaker 3: in the kinds of people that you spend your time
20:46
Speaker 3: with could be a really solid indicator of whether or
20:50
Speaker 3: not you yourself are actually healed.
20:52
Speaker 1: How so, yes, so the patterns of the people that
20:56
Speaker 1: we continue to choose, and so it's easy to feel
21:01
Speaker 1: frustrated in a relational dynamic because of what that other
21:04
Speaker 1: person is doing or not doing, without taking a step
21:08
Speaker 1: back to wonder why why do we keep choosing the
21:11
Speaker 1: same type of person? Why And maybe even if it's
21:15
Speaker 1: not the same type of person, if we're starting to
21:17
Speaker 1: identify these behaviors or traits about these people that we
21:20
Speaker 1: don't like, why are we continuing to engage and so
21:24
Speaker 1: really assessing And that ties into which is a very
21:28
Speaker 1: long winded process of our relational programming and what happens
21:31
Speaker 1: in childhood that influences the people that we pick. But
21:35
Speaker 1: when we have an awareness around okay, we keep choosing
21:38
Speaker 1: the same type of person, and then we keep behaving
21:41
Speaker 1: in the same type of way with that person. That's
21:43
Speaker 1: our responsibility and something we need to assess and figure
21:46
Speaker 1: out how we can drive change there.
21:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'd also love it if we could touch
21:52
Speaker 3: on the concept of your inner dialogue and how that
21:55
Speaker 3: plays out when it comes to the healing journey as well.
21:59
Speaker 1: Yes, that's such a great question. So that actually ties
22:03
Speaker 1: also into this childhood component. So through childhood we and
22:06
Speaker 1: then into adulthood we develop something called core beliefs. And
22:11
Speaker 1: our core beliefs are the lens through which we see
22:13
Speaker 1: the world, and so it's based on these consistent interactions
22:17
Speaker 1: with our caregivers, teachers, peers. So for example, depending on
22:22
Speaker 1: how your caregiver shows up for you, it might create
22:25
Speaker 1: core beliefs of maybe I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable,
22:28
Speaker 1: I'm not worthy, I have to earn love. All of
22:32
Speaker 1: these beliefs get developed early on and then get reaffirmed
22:34
Speaker 1: through the lifespan. And so when I talk about that
22:37
Speaker 1: being the lens through which you see the world, if
22:39
Speaker 1: you imagine that you're wearing sunglasses with a purple tint
22:42
Speaker 1: and I'm wearing sunglasses with a green tint. You and
22:43
Speaker 1: I could look at the same tree, but you're going
22:46
Speaker 1: to see a purple and I'm going to see a green.
22:47
Speaker 1: And those are our core beliefs. That also becomes our
22:51
Speaker 1: inner dialogue. And so when we mess up, when we
22:55
Speaker 1: feel rejected, when we feel abandoned, when something happens to
22:58
Speaker 1: us that creates a lack of safety or discomfort in
23:01
Speaker 1: our body, our inner dialogue is what pops up immediately.
23:05
Speaker 1: It's those automatic thoughts. And so if those core beliefs
23:08
Speaker 1: that we're operating on are let's say you messed up
23:11
Speaker 1: at work and your core belief is I'm not good
23:13
Speaker 1: enough or I'm not worthy, that inner dialogue then reaffirms
23:17
Speaker 1: for you, yep, see you're not good enough. Now we
23:21
Speaker 1: can do something about that. We can work to reprogram
23:23
Speaker 1: those core beliefs. But again, we have to start with
23:25
Speaker 1: the awareness that those core beliefs and that inner dialogue
23:29
Speaker 1: exists before we can do something about it. And then
23:32
Speaker 1: at that point we can work to reframe. So when
23:34
Speaker 1: a thought comes up of gosh, you're such a failure, well, no,
23:38
Speaker 1: I made a mistake, and that would be the reframe.
23:42
Speaker 3: Right right, And that reframing process and getting to a
23:46
Speaker 3: place in your healing journey and in life where you
23:48
Speaker 3: are less hard on yourself can be so difficult.
23:52
Speaker 1: Incredibly and can also be a lifelong journey, right because
23:57
Speaker 1: those core beliefs are so cemented in you. So that
24:00
Speaker 1: might be your automatic thought for a very long time,
24:03
Speaker 1: like I'm such, I'm not worthy, I mess up all
24:07
Speaker 1: the time, but you do have the ability to catch
24:10
Speaker 1: it and choose to reframe it. And the more often
24:13
Speaker 1: you reframe it, the more that shifts to being your
24:16
Speaker 1: automatic thought.
24:17
Speaker 3: And I also feel like it's important to acknowledge you
24:20
Speaker 3: said that phrase lifelong journey, and honestly, healing from most
24:23
Speaker 3: trauma is a lifelong journey. It's not like you wake
24:26
Speaker 3: up one day and like every single thing that has ever.
24:29
Speaker 2: Faced you is no longer an issue. It doesn't work
24:32
Speaker 2: like that.
24:33
Speaker 3: But as you've reiterated so many of these helpful tips,
24:36
Speaker 3: implementing this structure can be a way for you to
24:41
Speaker 3: move forward in a more healthy and progressive way.
24:45
Speaker 2: Right.
24:45
Speaker 1: And all of this, whether it is your healing journey,
24:48
Speaker 1: whether it's rewiring your inner dialogue, all of it starts
24:52
Speaker 1: with awareness, starts with you sitting down and really assessing
24:56
Speaker 1: what's going on in my life right now? What am
24:58
Speaker 1: I not feeling comfortable with? Where is it coming from?
25:02
Speaker 3: Is there anything else before I let you go. When
25:04
Speaker 3: it comes to signs that you're healing from trauma that
25:06
Speaker 3: you feel like we should really address, you know, the.
25:12
Speaker 1: Real overall idea of that is how you're feeling in
25:18
Speaker 1: your body from day to day. And so is your
25:21
Speaker 1: body feeling comfortable at peace? Is it feeling neutral? Obviously
25:25
Speaker 1: there will be fluctuations. We are humans, we have human experiences.
25:29
Speaker 1: But what is the most consistent feelings that you have
25:32
Speaker 1: in your body? And that is a really good indicator
25:35
Speaker 1: of healing because when we are not healed, and when
25:37
Speaker 1: we are operating on unprocessed trauma, our bodies feel yucky
25:41
Speaker 1: and they feel out of control, and they remind us
25:43
Speaker 1: day in and day out that we're not healed. And
25:46
Speaker 1: so that is one of the most powerful ways to
25:48
Speaker 1: really check in on your healing is that when you
25:50
Speaker 1: can wake up in the morning and like, Okay, let's
25:53
Speaker 1: start the day versus another day. I mean, that's a
25:57
Speaker 1: really powerful sentiment.
25:59
Speaker 3: It's so important to have that pulse check with yourself,
26:03
Speaker 3: right because so often we, as you said before, just
26:07
Speaker 3: live them in this state of autopilot. It's like, oh, well,
26:10
Speaker 3: like I'm used to having a dull headache every day
26:12
Speaker 3: when I wake up, or insert other random ailment or
26:15
Speaker 3: feeling here, and we just accept this ambient level of
26:19
Speaker 3: discomfort as the normal, and it doesn't have to be
26:22
Speaker 3: that way.
26:23
Speaker 1: And it does not at all. And one of the
26:25
Speaker 1: tools that I work with I give to my clients
26:27
Speaker 1: a lot. I call it the three WS. This is
26:29
Speaker 1: a great way to check in on that. The first
26:31
Speaker 1: W being what's going on? So you do a body
26:34
Speaker 1: scan and assess what's going on in your body, where
26:37
Speaker 1: is it coming from? Is there anything creating this feeling?
26:40
Speaker 1: Is there any triggers that's happening? And then what do
26:42
Speaker 1: I need? And the what do I need is really
26:45
Speaker 1: how do we regulate? How do we nurture, how do
26:47
Speaker 1: we nourish? How do we take care of ourselves? And
26:50
Speaker 1: by doing those three w's a couple times throughout the day,
26:53
Speaker 1: it keeps you aware of that pulse check, It keeps
26:55
Speaker 1: you aware of the baseline of how your body is
26:57
Speaker 1: shifting to your environment.
26:59
Speaker 3: Doctor, I'm so happy that we were able to make
27:02
Speaker 3: this happen. So many helpful, useful tips in this conversation.
27:06
Speaker 3: How do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do
27:08
Speaker 3: they keep up with you? Give us all of your details?
27:11
Speaker 1: Sure so. My website is evolved Counseling az dot com.
27:15
Speaker 1: And then you can find me on Instagram at doctor
27:18
Speaker 1: Dr Elizabeth.
27:19
Speaker 3: Fredrick, Beautiful I'm Over, at Emily a Body, and at
27:22
Speaker 3: Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered.
27:25
Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time