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How to turn anxiety into empowerment · Math Therapy

• 0:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can say,"you know what?
• 0:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's a great question.
• 0:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: I actually don't know.
• 0:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: Let me look that up and get back to you tomorrow." That single sentence transforms the moment.
• 0:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're not the all-knowing expert, you're a curious co-investigator.
• 0:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you give your students permission to not know too.
• 0:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: If they ask a question and we say, we don't have time for that, that's off topic, you're actually losing this very beautiful moment.
• 0:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because they're engaged.
• 0:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: They're asking you a question because they're engaged.
• 0:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: And if we shut them down, yes, we're gonna get through our content, but we've lost them.
• 0:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: All right.
• 0:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's me, Vanessa, and we are here for a solo ep of Math Therapy.
• 0:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Just me and you talking about what I hear the most from parents and teachers, which is what can we do in moments of anxiety?
• 0:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like when math anxiety shows up for us and our students in our classroom or in our home, how can we flip those moments?
• 0:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: And today I'm gonna share five strategies to turn those moments from anxiety to empowerment.
• 1:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: Tell me if this sounds familiar.
• 1:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, you're like mid lesson or mid helping your kid with their homework.
• 1:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: Everything's fine.
• 1:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're in the zone.
• 1:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: You have your plan, like you know what you're doing and suddenly.
• 1:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: The kid in front of you solves a problem in like a totally different way than you expected, and you have no idea what they did.
• 1:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Or like they ask you something you don't actually know the answer to, or like your entire lesson plan goes completely off the rails and like, boom, your stomach drops, your brain starts spinning, and suddenly you're in full anxiety mode and you're like, I'm feeling anxious.
• 1:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: Does this kid know that I'm feeling anxious?
• 1:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: Are they feeling anxious?
• 1:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like the whole thing goes off the rails, and I just want you guys to know.
• 1:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've been there and these moments happen to every single teacher.
• 1:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: They don't mean you're bad at your job, like they don't mean you've lost control.
• 1:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: They mean you're a human.
• 1:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: And that the people you're teaching are also human.
• 1:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: And your brain and body are actually doing exactly what they're wired to do.
• 1:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: They're trying to keep you safe and your students' brains and bodies are doing exactly what they're wired to do, which is trying to keep.
• 1:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: Them safe.
• 2:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: The thing is math, anxiety spikes up when uncertainty is present or when we suddenly feel like we've lost control.
• 2:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's the truth for both us and our students.
• 2:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: But here's the thing, guys.
• 2:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Control is an illusion.
• 2:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Certainty is a mirage.
• 2:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: We don't have time to get into that right now, but like the, the truth is we can't control most things, and uncertainty is simply a fact of life.
• 2:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: So like instead of constantly trying to trick ourselves into thinking that we have control and that we are certain.
• 2:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: The best thing we can do is accept reality and lean into these moments.
• 2:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: And honestly, guys, this has been my number one life hack, not just in math class, but in the rest of my life.
• 2:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's the thing that has made the biggest difference to the way I approach life, the way I go after my dreams, the way I deal with disappointment, and quite frankly, to my mental health as a whole.
• 2:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: The moments where things don't go exactly as planned are actually golden opportunities.
• 2:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can flip them from anxiety to empowerment for yourself.
• 2:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: And for the people around you, including your students.
• 2:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: And once you understand what's actually happening inside you, in those moments, you get to choose a different response.
• 3:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: So in this episode, I'm gonna walk you through five super common classroom moments that can trigger anxiety or math, trauma, explain what's actually happening in your brain and body, and share a practical math therapy flip you can use to turn that anxious moment into an empowering one.
• 3:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay.
• 3:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: So let's start with moment number one.
• 3:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: When a student solves a problem differently than you expected.
• 3:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's what's happening in your body that's really interesting.
• 3:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: Your amygdala, like your brain's little alarm system is basically like uhoh, unexpected thing.
• 3:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: Possible threat, like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 3:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: And if you grew up in a math world where there was only one right way to solve problems, this can unconsciously trigger old math, trauma.
• 3:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like fears of losing control, of being wrong, of not being like the expert.
• 3:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because we've been told forever that the teacher or the parent is supposed to be the expert in the room.
• 3:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: When parents ask me, like When parents are like, oh my God, I hate this new way of teaching math.
• 3:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: I don't know what my kids are doing in school.
• 3:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can't help them with their math homework.
• 3:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: That is the main feeling that comes up when I dig deeper.
• 4:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: They feel guilty, they feel ashamed that they can't help because they're supposed to be the expert.
• 4:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I always tell these parents like, you're not actually expected to be a math teacher.
• 4:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: I get that you wanna help your kid with e everything, but that's what teachers are for.
• 4:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: But the underlying feeling.
• 4:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Is that feeling of I'm supposed to be the expert and you can let go of that right here, right now.
• 4:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: Physically what's happening is your heart might speed up.
• 4:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: Your vision might narrow.
• 4:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Your brain instantly wants to bring the class back to your way or bring the student in front of you back to your way.
• 4:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like we're like, oh my God, control, certainty, like bring it back, I need it to feel safe.
• 4:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: But remember what I said earlier, the best thing we can do is lean into the fact that we can't control, like we can't control someone's reaction, right?
• 4:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like we can control the way we teach a lesson or the way we go about a math concept, but the person in front of us is really guiding the lesson.
• 4:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's about them.
• 4:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's not about us.
• 4:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: I remember, I was teaching, oh my God, I was teaching this grade seven kid, it was about ratios.
• 4:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: And he would get some of them right?
• 5:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: And he was, he was doing this, doing it in like what I would call a weird way.
• 5:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was like, I don't understand how you're getting these answers.
• 5:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I started understanding like instead of being like, no, just do it my way.
• 5:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: Follow this formula.
• 5:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: I asked him, I was like, what, can you just explain to me your thinking here?
• 5:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like what are you doing?
• 5:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like what exactly is happening?
• 5:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: And as he started explaining it to me, I realized what was going on.
• 5:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: He had developed this like way to.
• 5:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: Create ratios to equate them to like work with them, but he had no understanding, zero understanding of what division was, none.
• 5:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: And in that conversation, it was like the juiciest moment because I was like, oh my God, you're solving them in this way.
• 5:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: And sometimes you're getting the right answer and sometimes you're not, but it's because you don't understand this underlying concept of division and it completely changed everything.
• 5:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: So instead of me just being like, I want it to be like, look, I can just show you how to, you know, work with ratios.
• 5:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I can show you this formula, I can show you this trick, whatever.
• 5:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: But I was like, you know what?
• 5:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: Instead I'm gonna lean into the discomfort I'm feeling that I have no clue what he's doing and ask him about it.
• 6:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: And it ended up being the best lesson because we dealt with the underlying reason that he was using this methodology he had made up.
• 6:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: And it led to him really understanding.
• 6:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know.
• 6:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Earlier in my career as a teacher, I used to just be like, no, no, no, no.
• 6:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Do it my way.
• 6:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like I have a better way.
• 6:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: Don't worry about it.
• 6:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: That was my always my go-to.
• 6:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like I was like, I have the best way.
• 6:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: But when I think about it, what I was actually saying was, do it my way because this is the way I understand.
• 6:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was like centering myself as the main character instead of my student.
• 6:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: Our students are the main characters.
• 6:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: We're there to teach them, right?
• 6:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: We're there to help them learn.
• 6:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: So all that to say, here's what you do.
• 6:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: How do you flip that moment from anxiety because you're feeling it into empowerment.
• 6:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: I want you to just literally pause, take a breath.
• 6:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: I know that's the most annoying thing people say, but really breathing helps, it puts us into a parasympathetic state, it literally does lower our heart rate.
• 6:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: And here's the key.
• 6:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: I want you to get curious.
• 7:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: Instead of controlling, you're gonna go fully into curiosity.
• 7:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's the thing that happens.
• 7:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: Curiosity actually interrupts the threat response.
• 7:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: It takes us out of that fight or flight and gives us something else to focus on.
• 7:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're teaching your brain: unexpected, doesn't mean unsafe.
• 7:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can just get curious about this.
• 7:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: So try something like, you can say something like:"whoa.
• 7:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's really interesting.
• 7:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: Can you just walk me through your thinking?" Remember, you're sitting there being like, I have no fucking clue what this kid is thinking right now.
• 7:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: So just ask.
• 7:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's actually huge.
• 7:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Now you're curious.
• 7:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Now you're wondering, you're not thinking I need to control this.
• 7:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: You shift from being the gatekeeper to being a co-learner.
• 7:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: You validate that students thinking publicly, especially if this happens in front of a class and suddenly you've modeled intellectual curiosity for the entire class.
• 7:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: Remember, you're co-creating your lesson with your students.
• 7:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: You might not want that to be the case, but it is.
• 7:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: They're not just pressing play on like some YouTube video.
• 7:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're a real person in front of them, and they're real people in front of you.
• 7:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: And that's actually what leads to meaningful learning.
• 8:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's why face-to-face teaching is so much more effective than just pressing play on a video and like sitting at your desk while students watch it.
• 8:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: I want you guys to think about your default reaction when this happens.
• 8:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, when a student responds to something or answers a question or gives a solution in a way that you did not anticipate, think about what your default is and see next time if you can shift into curiosity and let go of control.
• 8:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, let's move on to the second moment that often causes anxiety to spike in either us or our students.
• 8:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: This one's like a spicy one.
• 8:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're teaching, and suddenly a student asks you a question and you don't fucking know.
• 8:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: You have no idea.
• 8:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: Cue panic.
• 8:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Your brain perceives this as what we call social evaluative threat.
• 8:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's like your status is on the line, right?
• 8:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: Your inner critic lights up.
• 8:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: "You should know this.
• 8:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're the teacher, you're the parent." Again, that anxiety response kicks in.
• 8:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: Your breath gets shallow, your chest tightens.
• 8:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: Maybe you try to cover it up or like avoid the question.
• 8:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: This often goes way back to our own math trauma, by the way, when not knowing meant you were a failure.
• 9:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Again, I want you to remember that is an old way of thinking.
• 9:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: That is an old story.
• 9:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: Not knowing and admitting you don't know is actually a sign of intelligence.
• 9:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: I talked about this with Mike Flynn on our interview a couple weeks ago about how when we don't know something, it is this incredible opportunity for us.
• 9:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: He was saying he's been teaching for like well over 30 years and he still has not come across a situation in which he has anticipated every single question or every single way a kid is gonna solve a problem.
• 9:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: He says, in every lesson he teaches, in every classroom, he always learns something new.
• 9:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: And this kind of goes back to my previous point that I was talking about, channel that curiosity, right.
• 9:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: When you don't know something, instead of being like, oh my God, I'm a failure, I'm not the expert.
• 9:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is a great moment to be like, I don't know, I'm curious.
• 9:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: Let's figure it out together.
• 9:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: So here's how you can flip this anxious moment into empowerment.
• 9:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: Name it.
• 9:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: Calmly, clearly, literally say to the student in front of you.
• 10:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: "Great question.
• 10:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: I actually don't know.
• 10:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: Let's figure it out together." Or if like you don't have time to figure it out together or you're, you're really, your anxiety response is spiking and you're like, ah, I can't even think because that happens.
• 10:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, honestly, when our nervous systems are dysregulated, when we are in fight or flight, it's hard to learn anything.
• 10:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: We know that for our students, and the same is true for ourselves.
• 10:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can say,"you know what?
• 10:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's a great question.
• 10:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: I actually don't know.
• 10:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Let me look that up and get back to you tomorrow." That single sentence transforms the moment.
• 10:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're not the all-knowing expert.
• 10:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're a curious co-investigator and you, this is, this is the most beautiful thing about that, you give your students permission to not know too, which is such a gift because so much math, trauma and math anxiety is rooted in the fact that at one point in your life and in your students' lives, they didn't know and they got in trouble for it.
• 10:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: They got punished.
• 10:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: They got made fun of.
• 10:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: They got bullied.
• 11:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: They got told that they were less than they were made to feel like they weren't a quote unquote math person.
• 11:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: We're here to change that story.
• 11:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can flip the script right now by being like, I don't know either.
• 11:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I'm a math teacher.
• 11:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Isn't that awesome?
• 11:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because knowing math and being good at math and doing math isn't about knowing everything.
• 11:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's about being curious and asking questions and seeking answers.
• 11:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: I also remember I read this book on leadership a very long time ago.
• 11:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's one you've definitely heard of that I can't remember right now, and it was talking about how vulnerability is the number one superpower for any leader.
• 11:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: When you ask staff when they, you know, they would go to big corporations and ask their staff what made their leader a great leader.
• 11:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: And the top response was always vulnerability.
• 11:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: When a leader is able to model that they don't know, that they have their own, um, you know, perceived weaknesses, that they don't feel perfect, it softens the entire room.
• 11:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: It allows staff, just like it allows your students to see you as relatable, to see you as less intimidating, to feel safer talking to you about their concerns.
• 12:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you are a leader.
• 12:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, you're at the front of the room, or you're a parent leading a child like you really are a leader, and vulnerability is your superpower.
• 12:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's not something to shy away from.
• 12:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I think you'll be really surprised if this isn't something you do already.
• 12:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: When you express that vulnerability to students, they soften.
• 12:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Literally, they feel that because every student feels vulnerable, every student feels like they don't know, like they feel like they're not the expert, they're intimidated.
• 12:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: All of a sudden they change, they're gentle, they're kind, and they're there to hold your hand just as much as you're there to hold theirs.
• 12:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I want you to ask yourself, what story did you inherit about not knowing in math?
• 12:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: What is it?
• 12:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: Did something happen?
• 12:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Were you given a certain message?
• 12:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: Ask yourself if that story is really true, and let's rewrite that starting now with this flip.
• 12:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: All right, third moment.
• 12:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Oh my God, especially if you're a parent, that goes into being like, all right, tonight I'm helping my kids with fractions, I remember all my formulas, I know what I'm gonna do, like, flip and multiply when, what was it?
• 13:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: What did, what did Mike Flynn say on his episode?
• 13:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: Yours is not to reason why, just invert and multiply when you're, dividing fractions, you know you're ready and all of a sudden things go off the rails.
• 13:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Especially if you're a teacher, you're moving through your like carefully, beautifully crafted lesson plan, and suddenly time's running out, a student takes you on a tangent, tech fails, like whatever it is, everything's off the rails.
• 13:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: Internally, what's happening is this is triggering a loss of perceived control.
• 13:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like your stress hormones are rising, your heart's pounding.
• 13:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're back in that anxiety response and layered on top of this.
• 13:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is the worst part about this.
• 13:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: Layered on top of it, is the external pressure, like that familiar saying.
• 13:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: We've heard a million times, we have to get through.
• 13:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: The curriculum testing is coming.
• 13:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm behind.
• 13:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like everyone's behind, behind, behind.
• 13:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like I feel like the word I am behind is like the saying of our time, like we're behind on everything and we're certainly behind on the curriculum and the content we're supposed to teach.
• 13:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's the empowerment flip.
• 14:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: I need you to zoom out and to recenter.
• 14:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: I know you hate me, but take a slow breath.
• 14:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: I actually hate myself for saying it, but I have to remind you how important it's for real.
• 14:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: It physiologically makes a difference and we can't think when we're dysregulated.
• 14:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: Take that breath and remind yourself what actually matters in this lesson.
• 14:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's the thing.
• 14:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: What matters in this lesson.
• 14:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: Is what matters.
• 14:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: Just zooming through so you're not behind or is what matters, giving these students a positive math experience that they're gonna carry with them for the rest of their lives.
• 14:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: After you do that, I want you to name the pivot for students out loud.
• 14:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: "Team, we're going a little off road here, and that's okay.
• 14:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's what matters most right now." So let them take you on that tangent.
• 14:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, this makes me think of my interview with Eugenia Cheng because she talked about this, about how often we feel like, and I know this isn't many of us, but I know I grew up in this landscape, and I know so many of my students express that their teachers say this to them now, they'll ask a question and it'll be like,"we don't have time for this.
• 15:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's not important right now." Eugenia Cheng says that the most important and relevant thing in your lesson.
• 15:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Is what is important and relevant right now to the student.
• 15:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: If they ask a question and we say, we don't have time for that, this, that's off topic, you're actually losing this very beautiful moment.
• 15:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because they're engaged.
• 15:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: They're asking you a question because they're engaged.
• 15:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: And if we shut them down, yes, we're gonna get through our content, but we've lost them.
• 15:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: So saying something like,"all right guys, we're going a little off road, it's okay, here's what matters most right now." Allows you to answer their questions, to let them take you a bit off road and to see where that goes.
• 15:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you know what else?
• 15:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: I feel like those moments can actually end up in like, the most beautiful learning moments.
• 15:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Often a student asks a question that might seem like it's kind of off track, or like someone doesn't understand something, so you now have to re-explain something, and then it turns out half the class didn't understand that thing anyways, and you've actually saved yourself time by reteaching whatever that concept was to the entire class.
• 16:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: It actually saves you time because now they can really engage with the content you're trying to teach when you teach it for real tomorrow because they've understood the prerequisite content.
• 16:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I want you guys to ask yourselves, what if these off track moments are actually the most powerful?
• 16:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, next time this happens to you and you're in a lesson, I know it is completely anxiety inducing to feel all that pressure and to feel, again, it's that loss of control, uncertainty, you don't even know where this conversation is going now, but lean into it and see what comes out of it.
• 16:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: You might be surprised.
• 16:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: So we're gonna talk about anxiety inducing moment number four.
• 16:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: And this is a big one.
• 16:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is one that's so dear to my heart because this is what all my work is based on.
• 16:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: When a student expresses frustration or shuts down.
• 16:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: When a student expresses in one way or another, maybe not with words, but with actions and body language that they are experiencing anxiety around math.
• 16:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: This can hit you like in the gut.
• 17:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, like a student is frustrated, there may be even shutting down.
• 17:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: And what happens is your body actually reacts, and that happens because of co-regulation.
• 17:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Polyvagal theory tells us that humans literally pick up each other's nervous system states.
• 17:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: So their frustration can trigger yours or mirror your own past struggles.
• 17:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: If their chest is tightening, if they're in fight or flight, you wanna fix it right now.
• 17:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: But your energy starts getting dysregulated.
• 17:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: You might like, I'm actually curious.
• 17:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: Next time you're in a moment like this, I want you to really pay attention to what your body is doing when the student in front of you is expressing anxiety.
• 17:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's how you flip that moment before it really derails both of you.
• 17:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: "Co-regulate, before you educate." I want you to remember that phrase, honestly, co-regulate, before you educate.
• 17:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: There is this myth that like if a student is anxious, all you've gotta do is really make them understand the math concept you're trying to teach.
• 17:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: And like they'll feel better, I promise it will not work.
• 18:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: Once a student is in an escalated state, once their nervous system is dysregulated, they cannot learn.
• 18:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: Their amygdala is literally hijacked.
• 18:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: The brain's resources are being diverted to keeping them safe.
• 18:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: It, you know, you've probably heard the whole thing of like your brain is reacting like a saber tooth tiger is chasing you down the street when you're in an anxious state.
• 18:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: But like it actually is.
• 18:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: It actually is like, I know it's like so cliche.
• 18:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is because our brains have not evolved that much.
• 18:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: So when we get anxious about something, our brain goes into the exact same mode that it would if we were being chased by a saber tooth tiger.
• 18:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: And if you were being chased by a tiger, I promise you, you would not even be able to like answer what seven times seven was.
• 18:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: It would not enter your mind even if you knew it.
• 18:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: So co-regulate before you educate.
• 18:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: Drop your voice.
• 18:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Crouch down to a student's level.
• 18:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Remember, that's so important, I talked about that in my last solo episode.
• 18:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: Crouch down, so you're meeting them eye to eye.
• 18:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: Pull up a chair next to them and say something like, I can see this is frustrating, and I totally get it.
• 19:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've been there.
• 19:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: Number one, relate to them.
• 19:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: Show them that they're not alone.
• 19:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: Show them that you, yes, you, the expert in the room also has felt this way.
• 19:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: And then you're gonna hate me, but you're gonna say, let's take a breath together.
• 19:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you're gonna fucking breathe.
• 19:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you're not gonna just be like, I want you to take a breath in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and breathe out for four seconds, and do that three times.
• 19:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's called box breathing.
• 19:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is one of the best things we can do to take our nervous system down.
• 19:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: This anchors the emotional tone in the room instead of absorbing their panic.
• 19:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're now together, they've got someone that understands them, their body is literally deescalating from the panic state it was in, and now you can move on.
• 19:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: What's happening here is you're helping both of you shift from a sympathetic activated state into a calm, connected one by signaling safety.
• 19:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: And here's the thing.
• 19:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: Regulation has to come before cognition, because if a student is doing the mental equivalent of hyperventilating into a paper bag, they can't absorb any of the amazing content you're teaching them.
• 20:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: They just can't do it.
• 20:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I know sometimes it's like, oh my God, we don't have time to deal with this.
• 20:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: But you're saving yourself time, you are.
• 20:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because the time you spend teaching content to a student who can't absorb it, you're just gonna have to reteach it anyways.
• 20:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: I want you guys to think of your own go-to co-regulation moves right now.
• 20:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, so, or not right now.
• 20:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: 'cause like we have one more thing left.
• 20:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: But after the podcast is over, I really want you to think of like, what are the things that I'm gonna do to help a student co-regulate in a moment?
• 20:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: If a student in front of me is anxious, what can I do?
• 20:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: Think of your classroom.
• 20:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: Think of your house.
• 20:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like is there a cozy place you can go that's in your home that feels safe, is there a chair you can pull up in your classroom?
• 20:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: Is there a little area at the back of the room where you can sit on the carpet?
• 20:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like think of what your go-to move will go to and try it next time a student in front of you is exhibiting signs of math anxiety.
• 20:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: and finally the big one, the one we've all been waiting for without even knowing it.
• 21:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anxiety inducing moment number five, when your own math trauma gets triggered.
• 21:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: First of all, you're not alone.
• 21:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can tell you right now that most teachers I've met, I'm saying most over 50% have math trauma.
• 21:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: They've had a negative experience with math that has stuck with them.
• 21:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know?
• 21:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: And sometimes something happens in class, like a topic, a student reaction, even just a vibe, and suddenly you're right back in your own math class.
• 21:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: As a kid feeling lost or humiliated, and that's because math trauma lives as stored emotional patterns.
• 21:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, your body reacts like the past is happening now.
• 21:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's what happens when trauma gets triggered.
• 21:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like your entire body goes back into the state it was in when the first incident happens.
• 21:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: So maybe you go back to that state you were in when you were called out in class and you didn't know the answer, and your cheeks got all red and you completely froze and you couldn't figure out the answer and your teacher rolled their eyes and walked away.
• 22:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: Ugh, like that, like even just saying that like I can feel that in my body, you know?
• 22:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: It happens to all of us and it's gonna happen.
• 22:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's how you're gonna flip this moment to empowerment.
• 22:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're gonna recognize it and internally name it.
• 22:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like I want you to say to yourself, huh, I see you.
• 22:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: I see what's happening here.
• 22:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is one of those old math moments making its way into the present.
• 22:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: And because, remember, your body is acting as though the past is happening right now.
• 22:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's reacting as though that old trauma, traumatic event is happening currently.
• 22:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: So your best bet is actually to show your body that it is here now, it is not stuck in the past.
• 22:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: Polyvagal theory tells us that the information flow is 20% from mind to body and 80% from body to mind.
• 22:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: What that means is our bodies will often go into an anxiety response before we rationally, cognitively even understand why.
• 23:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: So if we can deescalate our bodies, if we can bring our nervous systems down and calm ourselves down, then that information also flows to the brain.
• 23:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: The key here is embody.
• 23:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Get into your body before you get into your brain.
• 23:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because once you're already in that response, once that trauma has been triggered, remember you're in a state of fight or flight.
• 23:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's really hard when you're in a state of fight or flight to think rationally.
• 23:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: To even be like, okay, here's exactly what's happening.
• 23:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: I want you to know exactly what's happening, but first, you've got to ground your body, right?
• 23:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: So here's what you're gonna do.
• 23:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: Physically ground yourself by doing things like, touching the desk, stretching your legs, look around and name three physical objects you see in the room.
• 23:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: Do a body scan, like literally be like, I can feel my toes.
• 23:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: Wiggle your toes.
• 23:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can feel my fingers.
• 23:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: Wiggle your fingers.
• 23:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Bring yourself back into your present body and remind yourself I'm an adult now, I'm safe.
• 23:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: This little act separates past from present and it gives you a choice about how to respond next.
• 24:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: But first, you've gotta like really get yourself in the present moment.
• 24:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: so I want you to think about your personal trigger topics.
• 24:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: You might know them.
• 24:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: You might be like, oh my God, it's every single time we do fractions.
• 24:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Or it's every time a kid asks me a question I don't know the answer to, or it's every time a student rolls their eyes and says, why are we even learning this?
• 24:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: you know, maybe someone says like, you're the teacher, aren't you supposed to know the answers?
• 24:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, oh my God, that would stress me out.
• 24:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, think of what those trigger topics are in math class or when you're helping your kid with your homework and come up with a game plan.
• 24:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: Be like, all right, when that happens, here are my grounding tools that I'm gonna use.
• 24:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: Some of the things we listed before.
• 24:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can be like, I'm going to in the moment, make the entire class take three deep breaths with me.
• 24:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm gonna in that moment to to tell the entire class to name four mathematical objects they can see around the room, like you can get the class to do it with you, so you're not just like all of a sudden closing your eyes in silence.
• 24:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Or you can be like, I'm going to tell everyone I need a minute and I'm going to do a body scan.
• 24:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like whatever.
• 24:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: Come up with a game plan now, and next time it happens, you'll be prepared.
• 25:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay.
• 25:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: So guys, this week I want you to pick just one of these five moments and notice what happens in your mind and body the next time it shows up.
• 25:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: So, when a student solves a problem differently than you expected, when you don't know the answer to something yourself, when the pacing or lesson plan goes completely off track, when a student expresses frustration or shuts down or exhibit signs of math anxiety, and when your own math trauma gets triggered.
• 25:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Pick one of those things.
• 25:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: Try one of these strategies and see if things shift.
• 25:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like you have to remember, the cool thing about all of this is neuroplasticity, right?
• 25:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like we are retraining our brains how to respond to these moments, and it's not gonna happen overnight.
• 25:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're still gonna be triggered by these things, right?
• 25:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like the point is not to never feel anxious again.
• 25:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: The point is not to erase math anxiety.
• 25:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: The point here is to transform these moments into opportunities for connection, curiosity, and healing for us and for our students.
• 25:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: So next time one of these moments shows up, notice what happens in your brain and body.
• 26:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: Pause, name it.
• 26:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Try the empowerment flip, and then reflect even just mentally on what shifted when you responded differently.
• 26:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: And celebrate that you're retraining your neural pathway so the next time that moment pops up, you'll be less anxious.
• 26:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Remember, these moments aren't failures.
• 26:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: They happen to all of us.
• 26:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: They're invitations for us to rewrite our math stories for ourselves and for our students.
• 26:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Guys, love you.
• 26:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: This was so much fun.
• 26:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: I hope this was useful.
• 26:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: I wanna hear from you.
• 26:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: If you found this helpful, share this episode.
• 26:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: Share it with a colleague who's had one of these moments this week.
• 26:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: Send it in your WhatsApp like math department group chat,'cause I know someone in there has had one of these moments.
• 26:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Or send it to one of your students' parents or like your parent bestie.
• 26:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: They need to hear it.
• 26:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I need to hear from you.
• 26:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: So text the podcast with your thoughts.
• 26:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: The links in the show notes.
• 26:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: DM me on Instagram at the Math guru.
• 26:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Email me at vanessa@themathguru.ca and I'll see you next week with another episode to help you heal math, trauma, build confidence, change math culture, talk about juicy, spicy stuff, break some math myth.
• 27:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I don't know all the things that we love doing here at Math Therapy.
• 27:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is weird.
• 27:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Now, I don't have a way to end this, and I can't say bye because I can't say bye to myself.
• 27:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm just looking at David.
• 27:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: He's waving.
• 27:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Bye guys.
• 27:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Love you.
• 27:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're the best.
• 27:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: Go get em.
• 27:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: That was weird.