Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / How To Run An Annual Family Summit That'll Change Your Life
Transcript
- 0:00There are competing agendas vying for your family's attention. Your sports team coach has a wonderful plan for your life. And you can totally just go along with their plan. And it's like, oh, he wants us to compete every single weekend. And then also your church has an agenda for your life. And any other volunteering things, you do have an agenda. And my business has an agenda for my life. The question is, what is the family's...
- 0:21agenda for our life, right? And we need to meet strategy with strategy. And so the point of the summit is to create enough space to say, where the heck are we going as a family? And what would it look like to move a couple of steps closer to that goal that we want to be at?
- 0:39Hi, welcome to the Family Teams podcast. Our goal here is to help your family become a multi-generational team on mission by providing you with biblically rooted concepts, tools, and rhythms. Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke, and we can't wait to chat about all things family. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm here with my good friends, Blake and Chandler Smith. Thank you guys for jumping on here today. Yeah, absolutely. We're happy to be doing this.
- 1:05Yeah. So we're diving into how to have an annual summit. And we feel like this is one of the coolest tools that you can adopt as a family. You do it once a year. And what this can do in terms of like bringing unity and clarity to your family as a team is huge. And so I know that the Smiths and our family, we've, and many other families, we've been like figuring this out and trying to understand how to do this for many, many years, but Blake and Chandler are the people that April and I go to. We want to really level up anything regarding meetings.
- 1:33It's like, okay, what are Blake and Chandler doing? They've studied this. They've thought about this. I've optimized this. And so when it came to this next month in the Accelerator, we're like, let's get Blake and Chandler on here and talk about the annual summit. So super excited that you guys are here. For those of you guys listening to this, the Accelerator, we do this every month. We have a different theme. So we did Christmas in the month of November because, of course, we're getting ready for December. But the month of December, which is coming up...
- 1:59We are going to talk about the summit because we think the best time to do this is usually after Christmas, maybe a little bit after New Year's. So we want to get you guys totally prepped to be able to launch into your year in an amazing way. So you want to have an awesome 2026. Make sure that you think through this tool of like, okay, what does it look like for our family team to have an annual summit? So Blake and Chandler have written this awesome playbook for how they do it. It's got these three parts. They're going to walk us through kind of the big picture topics.
- 2:24of the playbook. Um, and that playbook is something you also get when you jump into the accelerator, but we're going to give you guys, um, you know, a little overview of what we're going to be talking about and trying to get you guys set up. Um, also, if you want to learn more about the whole idea of a summit, Blake has actually created, what is this like an assessment? Blake, why don't you describe what the, uh, kind of the free, uh, link is familyteams.com slash summit. What's that? What's that? That? Yeah.
- 2:48I think that a lot of times people get intimidated by like spreadsheets and documents. And so what we ended up making was just kind of a one-page web app that kind of facilitates the reflection portion of your annual summit. So essentially, as you look at your Google photos and look at your calendar, you can kind of go through and kind of tag different things that happened. And it'll chart out the shape of your year. And what we found is that that's the thing. There's some people who I think are just like...
- 3:13They love looking backwards. We're forward-looking people by nature. We don't really ever look backwards. And so this kind of creates an opportunity to do it without having to be like a spreadsheet whiz or anything like that. And so we've been able to harvest and mine a lot of wisdom as we look backwards and reflect on our year. So it's one of my favorite things to do between Christmas and New Year's is that sort of
- 3:36reflection process, and we'll do it over the course of several days, and it spits out essentially a chart that says, okay, here are the highs and lows across each of the five capitals, right? So spiritual capital, relational capital, intellectual capital, physical capital, and financial capital. What were the highs and lows?
- 3:52Did we end up with a surplus or a deficit across each of those capitals looking across the year? And then you can see, at least for us, we'll see like big turning points. All of a sudden you'll say, oh my gosh, in August, this thing happened and it completely changed the shape of our year. And there's something about that exercise that's really helped us capture wisdom.
- 4:12Very cool. Awesome. Yeah. So if you guys want to check that out, familyteams.com slash summit, and you'll start to see, it just starts to walk you through, ask you some questions, and then it spits out that chart that Blake just described. Chandler, talk a little bit about what that's meant for you, like having a tool like that. Yeah. What has that been like?
- 4:31Yeah, I naturally, I think Blake said, I don't love looking backwards or I don't ever create the time to look backwards. And so having a regular rhythm in our year that we set aside to really look back over our entire year,
- 4:48Um, it's been really, it's been honestly like kind of life changing for me. Do you just see the way that the Lord has been faithful in every part of your life, um, in a different, in a different way? I don't know. I like that exercise though. So the way we actually do it, when we start reflecting is we'll look at our Google photos. We just pull up our Google photos on one screen or half a screen. And then on the other side, we'll pull up our calendar. Yeah.
- 5:14And essentially, we just look at the past year, starting in January of 2025, like we just walk through month by month and be like, oh, yeah, I forgot that that thing happened. And then as we're entering in, we'll just be like, oh, yeah, that thing happened. That was a big deal financially. That was a big deal spiritually, either up or down. And so you kind of collect these things. And we'll do it over the course of maybe two or three nights, actually before the summit, because it's kind of a fun – you're reflecting already kind of around New Year's anyway. And so, I don't know. I feel like it's funny. Yeah.
- 5:42It can be emotional. Like it's like, it can be hilarious. And then there are going to be moments where you like kind of relive tough parts of the year. But I don't know. It's been really powerful for us. I don't think I've done it a year without crying at least a couple times. Yeah. Yeah. Half years and years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- 5:57Yeah, that's really important. I'm very similarly forward-oriented, but I do find when I begin to think about the future from having evaluated the past, I make way better decisions about what is realistic about the changes we're going to make. So, yeah, I think that having a tool that helps us do that is super, super helpful.
- 6:19Yeah. Have you read that Ray Dalio book? Do you remember this book? He's a famous investor, hedge fund investor. I can't remember the name of that book that he wrote, but he talked about a similar process where he reflects on all the mistakes he makes each year, and he lists out every mistake. And then next to it, he writes, he said, an algorithm or rule next to each mistake. So, it's like, okay, if this thing happens,
- 6:44Then next time I'll do this. And he keeps it posted above his computer on his wall so that he is always reminded, one, that he makes mistakes. And then, two, these proverbs that are like custom proverbs that he's created for his own consumption. And he always tries to keep them in front of him. I thought that was a really great exercise. So we started doing that as well.
- 7:03Yes, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, the guys I'm discipling right now, we're talking through like how to create catchphrases that speak the gospel directly into areas of our lives where we're struggling or that are patterns. And I think catchphrases or proverbs are really great for disrupting patterns. And it's easier to find patterns when you're looking at an entire year and see, oh, wow, this just seems to repeat a lot, this challenge or this emotion or how we're dealing with this as a family. So that's a great tool.
- 7:32Yeah. Yeah. So anybody who's listening to this, you can get it for free. FamilyTeams.com slash summit. Yeah. So jump over there. You can go through that, get that chart, and it'll tee up for your summit. Well, I want to start kind of at the big picture, like why do a summit? So a lot of people hear this and they're like, okay, you know, at work we do these off-sites. I get why we have to do them.
- 7:53They're annual. They seem like they're really important. But why in the world would a family want to do some kind of annual off-site summit thing? So yeah, like when you start kind of give me the big picture and I'd love to hear Chandler how that idea has struck you and how you've thought about it, especially as you guys first started to try to do this practice.
- 8:11Yeah. If I had to boil it down to one why, it's for clarity. And I think that a lot of times there are competing agendas vying for your family's attention. Right. So, you know, your sports team coach had a wonderful plan for your life and you can totally just go along with their plan. And right. And ours, you know, for jujitsu, it's like, oh, he wants us to compete every single weekend.
- 8:33And then also your church has an agenda for your life. And any other volunteering things, you do have an agenda. And my business has an agenda for my life. But the question is, what is the family's agenda for our life, right? And we need to kind of meet strategy with strategy. And so the point of the summit is to create enough space to say, where the heck are we going as a family? And what would it look like to move a couple of steps closer to that goal that we want to be at?
- 8:58And so clarity is the number one thing. I think additionally, it's creating space for connection, especially between us. I'd say our summit is more marriage-oriented than an entire family just because of the age of our children. Probably worth mentioning, we've got seven kids ages 14 down to six months. So we're in that kind of stage of life where maybe our oldest kids are just starting to kind of get into these types of conversations. But I'd say the primary thing is probably clarity. Awesome.
- 9:26Sweet. Having seven kids at those stages and being on a podcast at all is quite an accomplishment. So thank you guys for pulling us on. We are inviting our nails. They're all on the other side of this wall right here. So you know what? No promises. I know this will happen. The dam's going to break any second. The barbarians are at the gate. Yes.
- 9:45Awesome. Well, Chandler, what about you? How did this feel when you started to, I know, I mean, Blake has always been so, I think, aware of how meetings can form organizations. But as a mom, did you grow up doing family meetings? When did you start hearing about this and how did this impact you? I was really good at it right off the bat, right?
- 10:08Yeah, I mean, I guess our first family assignment was when our oldest was about one years old. And I think we went to a dark windowless room in Blake's downtown workspace. And it was 12 hours long. I can't remember if we ate any food. Yeah.
- 10:34I just remember being, being, um, I'm just thinking, wow, this is awful. Go home and get back to our regular life. Um, anyways, it was, it was coming from such a sweet place. I'm giving you what I have. You're giving me. Yeah.
- 10:52Yeah. No, but I think, I mean, my background was in teaching and education. And so even just the idea of coming or having like an annual offset was a very like, why do we need to do this? We're just a family. We just have a TV. What's going on? I probably resisted a lot. I definitely resisted a lot or at least internally resisted a lot.
- 11:14And I just didn't really see, like, what is the benefit of this? Why are we doing this? And why isn't it cozier? Why has it had to be in a dungeon, Blake? Can we at least get our window...
- 11:28Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is coming from purely, I mean, a lot of our story is taking kind of startup and entrepreneurial frameworks and applying them to family. And so when you make that first application, sometimes there's a culture shift that needs to happen. Yes. And so I'd say, but...
- 11:46Yeah, I said that was how it started. Yes. And then we had a big inflection point when we started, we went on a retreat with another family. And that was a really helpful thing that I highly recommend to people is to do your summit with another family that's done it before. That will help you skip light years ahead and root out some of the weird cultural stuff. So we went with Andrew and Rachel Peters, some friends of ours, and we went to their lake house. And I can summarize it as it's about a third-
- 12:14what we were doing, the work. It's about a third, like a reflective vacation, and then it's a third, a romantic getaway. And that was a completely different framework of how I was thinking about it. And the vibe was just so better. We ate great food, we had lots of space to go on walks and talk about the big picture. You know, we could take a nap, we need to take a nap. And like, it was just a two day experience that was way more enjoyable and actually something that we looked forward to.
- 12:39And so I'd say that was, we just caught the vibe, honestly, just doing it once. We did it maybe two or three years in a row with them, and I'm so thankful that they did that with us. And since then, we've been able to facilitate it for a bunch of other of our friends and bring them along with us. And I'd say that was really helpful to kind of get the vibe right, which is, it's not just a work meeting. This is a very unique partnership on our edge, where it is a romantic partnership and is a productive organizational meeting at the same time.
- 13:06That's cool. And Chandler, how's that? How has this been for you over time as you guys have sort of upgraded how you've done this? What, what, how do you feel about it now? Like, what's, what impact is this having on your family? I, it is by far the highlight of our year together. I think.
- 13:25Every year it's so good to look back and to plan for the future, but most of all, I just feel like it is an opportunity to look at the things that God has already given us as a family, the unique talents and gifts and responsibilities that He's given us, and the vision that He's given us, and kind of get our hearts back on the same page. Yeah. Get us excited about that.
- 13:51where we know He's calling us for sure, and just creating some space to ask the Lord, like, what do you have for us this year? What do you want us to step into? What do you want us to say no to? That's always a big part of it. There's a lot of good stuff that we end up saying no to, because we created some space to listen to the Lord and say, like, what do you actually have for us? Yeah, there's a bunch of texts we send driving home, typically, that are like, actually, we're not doing this. Like,
- 14:19You know, closing the door on a submarine of a bunch of different systems. We have learned that we have to not commit to things before our summit because we can be like, yes, we're all in. We're going to lead that thing and it's going to be great. And then we have our summit and we're like, no, no, no, that's a terrible idea. Uncommit. We have to uncommit to the things that we committed to. So now we say, I love that. We're going to go on our summit and I'll let you know afterwards if we're going to do that. Nice.
- 14:46So the drive back of disappointment, you know, we can reduce that if, yeah, that's a really good call out. So talk to me a little bit about the sort of the structure of the summit. What is a summit? Like what makes, what are the elements that make it really work?
- 15:03Yeah, I would say in the simplest form, you want to do three things. And this is really, I think, if you're starting from scratch, starting doing a summit, you wanna make sure you do these three things. One is look backwards. You need to reflect on the past year to harvest wisdom, right? And so that's the tool that we're giving out on the lead magnet. It's like if people wanna use that, great. Let's look backwards. That's kind of step one. Step two is you do need to look at the relationship that you have with your spouse and say, how are we doing as a team?
- 15:32It's not like, how are you doing as a wife? How am I doing? It's like, actually, as a team, how are we functioning? So we give a couple exercises on rating yourself on a scale of one to three. How are we doing at communication, at trust, at holding each other accountable to things that we commit to, things like that. And then finally, we say, okay, we've now looked backwards. We've looked at each other. We're on the same page. Now let's look forward together and say, where do we want to go this year?
- 15:57And so coming out, that's kind of like the thing you get out of the summit is at the end of the, you get some goals or some rhythms or something going forward of what we want to see happen this year proactively. Okay. So yeah, those three, three different sections kind of break down the, the whole event into looking back, looking in, looking, looking out. Yes. Okay. And then I absolutely love what you guys are put together in this, in this playbook that, um,
- 16:26Yeah. So Chandler, I'm curious for you, as you look at this, maybe highlight something in here that you feel like is is for you really meaningful. What what's like an act kind of an activity that you guys do that you that you can call out that that has really made this work for you and for the family? Yeah, probably probably the most vulnerable activity.
- 16:51part of our weekend is we do something called admiration and ask. And, um, there's a whole exercise that goes with it, but at the end of it, um, well, we separate and pray and kind of ask the Lord, like what, what are the things that I'm like, so grateful for in Blake. And then, um,
- 17:12You have to promise before, to the best of my ability, I'm going to do these things. Whatever you ask, I will do. You have to ask one thing. You're going to ask one thing. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, wow. That's awesome.
- 17:27But you have to promise that you're going to do it before you know what it is. Yes. Wow. So, you know, I'll share with Blake, like, hey, these are the things that I really love about you. And they have to be, like, pretty specific things. Yeah. Just like, you're handsome. Yeah.
- 17:45And then one thing of like, hey, this year, I would like you to do this one thing. Yeah, to stop something or to start something. That sounds really scary, too. I was scared the first time we did that because it's just a very vulnerable thing. But I think over and over every year, it has...
- 18:12I mean, I think some of the things that you've asked me to do are like, I want you to go for a walk by yourself once a week for an hour just to listen. And that's like, okay, that is huge. And that has been so fruitful that since then to do that. Or I think one year you're like, I need you to find a lady in her sixties or seventies to have a 30 minute call with once a month. And that was like a beautiful thing. So those are just examples of, you know,
- 18:42Probably want it to be, like, proactive and not, like, stop snoring or something like that. Although, you did tell me to stop rushing the kids one year. I remember that. That's true. That was, like, her one was, like, she's like, hey, you need to stop, like, clapping when the kids are not getting in the car fast enough. You need to stop rushing them. And I was like, okay. And there's something about...
- 19:04If you really take time and you know they're going to say yes, it just feels like this kind of like magic bullet. You're like, okay, I don't want to waste this on something petty. I want to do something that's actually for the benefit of the family that will make a huge impact for the culture of our family. And when you do it, you separate for this for like already 45 minutes. And you write it down and you pray through it.
- 19:26There's a weight that kind of comes with it that I've found really powerful. Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the things that models, and this is like a deep theological debate that's constantly going on in the church, how Ephesians starts the conversation between husband and wife saying, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Then it says, wives, submit to your husbands, and we all fight forever about...
- 19:47all these things mean. But what I, you know, I believe, look, the husband is leading the family, but part of leadership is to mutually submit. Like you can still lead your family and say, hey, honey, I want to give you an ask. You know, here's a, that's a, that's a beautiful depiction of mutual submission. Hey, like, I want to make sure that I am, whatever is like, if something's that important to you, I'm just going to like pre-decide to do it. Awesome example of that. I love that. So,
- 20:14It came from a book, Traction, from Gino Wickman. It came from a business book. Oh, did he talk about that? I don't remember that. Yeah, I did that with my leadership team. I remember every year I know exactly what they asked. I can remember explicitly what people asked. I bet. That's such an intense moment. It's like unveiling something that's going to impact your life that you have no control over. It really is. I love it.
- 20:37Yeah, that's great. All right. All right, Blake, give me an example of something in your summit that's really meaningful to you that would be helpful for others. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, goodness. I feel like there's so many different elements of it. I love...
- 20:56Yeah, maybe I'll go back to the mapping of the year. Actually, no. I'll say what's been really helpful that actually is an addition to the playbook. The thing that I really have loved doing is I will ask Chandler before we go on the summit, I'll give her the five capitals and be like, hey, how are we doing financially? How are we doing as a family physically, relationally, intellectually, spiritually? So it's essentially just five questions.
- 21:26and say, can you just free associate writing? Don't feel like you need to edit. I would love for you to write out the state of the family from your standpoint. And it's not just the state of Chandler. It's the state of the whole family. And we've done it on the drive to get there. We've done it on the plane or something like that. And she can just write, and I'll do the same thing. And before we even start our summit...
- 21:50we will switch papers and read each other's papers in silence. And I'll like mark it up and ask questions. And then we have a session of just asking questions about the document. I'm like, what did you mean by this? Can you say more on that? And so by the time we start the summit, I feel like I've, without interrupting her, without like trying to shape her or push her or something like that, I've completely absorbed her point of view on the family. And she's done the same thing for my point of view on the family.
- 22:15And it's crazy when we get to like goal setting nine times out of 10, we will have exactly the same goals because our minds are at that. We started the whole time with our minds completely in sync because we actually let each other fully think it out. Okay. That's really cool. So I found that really helpful. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Get the mind meld going. Yes. Having those, yeah, that...
- 22:40There's something about journaling, and this is definitely a big part of our practice, is that, yeah, you need that open space to be able to just, okay, what's going on in this area? And what comes out of you often is a surprise to you as well. Like, whoa, I didn't realize that was a big deal to me. And that's what's cool. That's the whole idea of a summit is you're getting above your typical day-to-day life and seeing farther both directions, seeing farther back, seeing farther in, seeing farther forward. Awesome.
- 23:07Cool. Chandler, so a young mom hearing this is probably, you know, some of them are a little bit skeptical, I imagine. So I would love to hear if you were, you know, talking to your mom friends and they were like, Chandler, come on, like a summit. Why should we do this? Like, what would you say to encourage them if they're kind of like a little bit hesitant to say yes to a summit?
- 23:28Yeah. Well, I mean, just realistically, there have probably, probably on 60 plus percent of our summits, there has been a baby with us. So that is just kind of part, you know, when we have babies, they're kind of glued to me for the first 18 months of their life. So it's often us and a baby. And that is just what life is. And so that it's just, I feel like it's kind of a representation of the state of where we are. Yeah.
- 23:57I think there's also, I mean, we just took an overnight with our five-year-old and it was one night and basically 25, 24 hours away from home. But the amount of work that it took to get six other kids to a grandparent's house and get us out the door. Beforehand, I was like, why are we even doing this? This is so much work. And I've been waiting for a week to get 24 hours with our five-year-old. Like, I had a little meltdown right before Shabbat. Yeah.
- 24:26But I think that always happens to me when we go to an annual offset. We're like, it is so much work just to be able to have an uninterrupted conversation. Why are we doing this? And every single time, like, this was so worth it. Even, like, before we arrive at the destination, when we're in the car, like, this was so worth it.
- 24:46the week to two weeks to pack everyone up and get everyone ready. So it is, it is work. And there is a cost and coming back home, there's always more laundry than you think that there should be. Somehow everyone wore 17 outfits in two days, but it's so worth it. And there's, it's just one of those things that compounds over time. And it's like, you're just building interest in this bank of your family. I don't know if you have anything to say on that.
- 25:15Yeah, that's good. Well, yeah, that's what I think is really important for people that are hearing this for the first time. There's going to be real resistance. I think that sometimes if we think it's going to be easy, it's just going to be fun. This is work. This is challenging. It's not easy to get away. It's not easy to...
- 25:35do some of these hard conversations it's not easy to get child care for all the kids and so i think that really creates that right expectation this is going to be work but it's going to be worth it so blake how about you what would you say uh kind of to summarize anything that you think as people are listening to this either a husband who's like whoa you know what's my role in this how do i think about um how how i'm supposed to function with regards to the the family summit how would you speak to him uh as uh as he's considering this
- 26:04Yeah, I do think it's really helpful for the husband to say, this is my event, and I'm going to lead us through it. That doesn't mean you have to have all the answers. That doesn't mean you're going to have to announce and unveil this grand vision for the family and stuff like that. It's just to say, I'm going to make sure that this is an awesome weekend.
- 26:22and I'm going to facilitate us going through some sort of process, I think that's a great thing for the husband to do. I think it's an act of service to your wife to say, I'm going to take the burden of making this good, and then let your wife kind of come and go along with it. I think that's a great thing. Awesome. And I want to give one move that you're allowed to do at any point. If something isn't working,
- 26:47You are allowed to pause the summit and say, what do you need right now? Like, what do you actually need right now? And it's okay to change and just say, we're going to skip this exercise. Or, you know, we're going to do – and so, like, I remember we had to go to – we went to Puerto Rico for one of our annual summits. And so, we had this chaotic week right before. It was all sorts of crazy kind of –
- 27:09Stuff outside of our control. And then we thought we had COVID. And it was like during that whole COVID thing. And then like we had to get tested right before. And like it was this nail biter of getting there. And so we finally arrived and we have three days of exercises to go through. And I was like, hey, where are you at right now?
- 27:26And Taylor was like, I need, we just need a little bit of space to like breathe. And so we just went with a red pencil and just crossed out half the exercises. And we're like, we're in Puerto Rico, for goodness sake. Let's do some long walks on the beaches and go surfing and eat some good food. And that was the right call. Like, I think that really was. There's a, there's like, yes, I am owning the structure and I'm going to make sure that this is really effective and good.
- 27:49And I am sensitive to my wife's needs or my own needs to make sure that this actually produces fruit. Because no one's going to give you a gold star for checking off every single exercise. No one's going to check your work. So this has to serve the family. And it's actually up to your discretion to figure out what's actually serving the family.
- 28:10Oh, man. So good. Awesome. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, this is a great introduction to what this is all about, doing a family summit. For those of you guys who need help, and I think anybody who's just starting this, we want to help you guys. So if you sign up for the Accelerator for the month of December, during the first week, you'll get Blake and Chandler's playbook.
- 28:29which I'm looking at. This thing is amazing. It's got all three of these elements of the framework with exercises for each one. So this is definitely can create this awesome first paint-by-number summit that has all the elements and you can decide which things to do and how that works. During the second week, Blake and Chandler are gonna be on a Zoom call with everyone in the accelerator.
- 28:48to do coaching for you guys. So if you're like, okay, before we get, I got some questions about this or that, um, then, then they'll, they'll be able to talk to you guys about that. That's week two, week three, uh, April and I are going to give you guys a kind of a tutorial for how we do our summit. And then week four, we do a town hall.
- 29:04at the accelerator where April, myself, our kiddos can talk to you guys about whatever family related topics, including the summit that you'd like to talk about. So that's what we're doing for the month of December. And right now, if you guys want to go to familyteams.com slash summit, get that assessment. You can, it can kind of set you up really well for what kinds of elements of the family are really important to focus on during this year's summit. So I think that'll be a super helpful tool for you guys. So Blake and Chandler, thank you guys so much for jumping on here today. Super helpful.
- 29:33Absolutely. Thank you for having us. Thank you for listening to the family teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend to stay up to date with our events, new content and products. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at family teams.