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Heavyweight Check In 7 · Heavyweight

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Pushkin.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's Jonathan speaking sitting in my closet. I
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: was sitting in this closet last night for a couple
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: of hours, trying to figure out what to say, and
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: then just scrapping everything because.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to say.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: And usually, you know, the way that we've been doing
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: these check ins, Stevie Cleveland and I, we've been trying
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: to talk from our own experience because that's all we
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: could do. But right now, it just doesn't feel like
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: what needs to be heard. I can't speak to the
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: experience or the pain that the black community is going
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: through right now.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: But what I do feel like I could.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Say is that the murder of George Floyd is an outrage,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: that the system that props up this kind of behavior,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: these sorts of actions, is sick. And I don't know
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: what's going to come next, but I know that what
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: came before cannot stand. I live in the Longfellow neighborhood
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: of Minneapolis, and I went out walking on the weekend
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: and the neighborhood was still smoldering. I feel like everything
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: that's happening right now is necessary, and I don't even
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: know in what way, but I have faith in that
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: before all of this started, before the events of this
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: past week, we'd planned an episode about teachers. We were
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: thinking a lot about teachers during the quarantine, about students
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: missing their teachers, teachers missing their students. And we have
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: today two stories from two different women, coincidentally, both looking.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: For their first grade teachers.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: And I don't know what they have to say about
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: this moment, if anything, but if you'd like, you could
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: listen to them, and I hope they bring you some
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: feeling of community, of comfort or just maybe a respite.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: And if you want to read some of the things
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: that we've been reading right now, we're going to also
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: include some links in our show notes to some thoughtful
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: pieces that have spoken to us and might be worth
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: reading right now. So here's our show. Hello Stevie, Hey, Hey,
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: let me get Khalila on the line.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Hello Khalila, Hey, Hi.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: This week we have two stories about two women who
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: are both searching for their first grade teachers. So the
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: first story is from my friend Hamber, who from day
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: one was set apart from the other kids that you
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: went to school with.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: So I was raised a Jovah's witness.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I'm the third generation Jeovah's Witness and the religion's kind
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: of changed over the years, but there's one common theme,
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: and that is that the world is ending any minute,
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: and in order to secure your own salvation, you have
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: to preach and try to convert others and tell them, hey,
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: you better convert to be a Jova's Witness before it's
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: too late, because you're going to die.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: And what happens if you convert then you don't die.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And then what happens after armageddon is that paradise
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: will come to earth.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: We'll all be walking around in like.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: Sacks, burlapsick like you know, and will be cuddling pandas
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: and the tigers won't eat us and everyone's happy.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: But you know, eternal life requires sacrifices. So while her
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: classmates were attending birthday parties and watching cartoons and being kids,
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: amber preaching door.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: To door and as a kid sometimes you knocked on
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: the door of someone you went to school with, and
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: that was just the peak mortification. There were times where
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: we fake knocked because we knew that the kid lived there.
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: I didn't live in a very big area.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: What does it mean to fake knock?
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Some people called it the Bible knock.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: So you hold the Bible up to the door and
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: then you knock on the Bible. The thing is, it's
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: a very complicated thing because as a Joe was an
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: is I really believed in it, and so I knew
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: that this is how we had to be.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: You just accept that you were different.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: But in spite of being different, Amber really loved school,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: which brings us to Missus Mosen.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: My first grade teacher. Her name was Missus Mosen. I
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: just think she was one of those people that's a
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: very good teacher. I was really shy as a kid,
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: and I think in a lot of classes I was in,
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: teachers overlooked me. And I was not the type of
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: kid that would you be really eager and put up
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: my hand and such. And she seemed to believe in me.
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: That was important. I mean that kind of stayed with me.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: Maybe she was kind of like a mother figure. I
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: don't know, because my relationship with my own mom was
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: not very close. Yeah, and she had a son around
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: my age, and she always used to say that she
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: wanted her son to marry me when we grew up.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Amber did grow up. She graduated high school and one day.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Soon after graduating, Amber and her mom were in the
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: neighborhood of her old elementary school, so they decided to
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: stop by to see missus Mosen.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: She was still in the same classroom and still teaching,
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: and she was so thrilled to see me. And then
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: she asked me, what college are you going to go
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: to now that you've graduated high school?
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: And I told her, oh, well, I'm not going to college.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: Actually, you know, Joe's who says, we believe that we
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: need to share the good news of what we know.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: So I'm going to be a full time preacher, you know,
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: I'm going to be it's like a missionary of sorts.
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: And I remember that her face just she looked stunned, and.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Because she thought she expected more.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and then sadness, like and it just the
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: look crossed her face just for a second.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Maybe she just said something in her eye.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: I don't know, but I took when I saw that look,
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, it kind of struck me that,
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: like she was really really sad. I think that there's
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: these moments through my life where I there would be
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: a second of lucidity about my religion, and I feel
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: like that was one of those moments, there was a
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: moment where I glimpsed the other side and the reality
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: of who I was and the conflict with you know
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: who I had to be met for a second, but
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: then I turned away from it.
• 7:01
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: At the time, I'm like, she just doesn't understand that
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: the world is ending. And then yeah, I laughed, and
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: I didn't ever see her again.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: So for the next fifteen years, Amber preached. But that
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: moment of lucidity in the classroom with Missus Mosen led
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: to more moments of lucidity, these little cracks in the
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: things Amber had always believed to be true, And then
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: it all came to a head in China. She'd move
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: there to preach, even learning Mandarin.
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: When you're speaking another language, you can hear yourself in
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: a different way. Yeah, And even as I started to
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: teach the things that I believe to them, I would
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: think this is weird, Like it just sounds weird.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: This even sounds a little crazy.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: So although Amber had gone to China to convert people,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: slowly she became the one to change her mind. And
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: for a long time she just kept these doubts to herself.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Because I didn't want to give up eternal life.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: And I really like my friends, especially so for a
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: long time I hit it. But I'm not very good
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: at hiding things. That's one problem with my personality. So
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: it was more uncomfortable for me to try to keep
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: going in it when I didn't believe in it anymore.
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: And I don't have to pretend that I did, because
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: being a jobs one is you cannot be like a
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: Sunday Christian.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: It involves your entire life.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: And so eventually Amber admitted that she no longer believed,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: and in a nutshell, what ended up happening was that
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: the church elders were called in and Amber was labeled
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: an apostate and was stranded in China, without money, without
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: friends or family.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: Everyone that I knew just dropped me, like everyone in
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: my life. So like my grandmother was someone I was
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: very close to, and I wrote her.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: A letter explaining, and she didn't write me back because
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: people are terrified.
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: People are taught that an apostate like me, someone who
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: doubts the faith is mentally diseased, is like a.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: Dog that's returned to its vomit.
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: Like they use all this very like awful discs, and
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: so people they think that it's about their loyalty to God,
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: and so they just drop you. It doesn't matter who
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: you are, but if you're your daughter, your son, your mother,
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: your father, you just shun Immediately. I moved to New
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: York City. I was trying to figure out what to
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: do in my life. I didn't have an education past
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: high school. I didn't have much job experience. I didn't
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: know anyone here, I didn't have any friends, but I
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: did start to go to college. It's one of the
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: first things I did.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Amber started going to night school and working towards a
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: college degree, and as soon as she was back in.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: School, Missus Molson popped back into my head, and I thought, oh,
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: you know, I think she had such high hopes for me.
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: I bet she would be happy to know that I
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: made it out. Maybe there's some way I could be
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: like I saw that look in your eye all those
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: years ago, and just tell her that maybe I'm fulfilling
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: the potential in some way that you saw in me.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Now, the question is how do we get in touch
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: with Missus Moson. Amber couldn't even remember her first name.
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: You know, It's funny, It's like on the tip of
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: my tongue. She had a very unusual first name. But
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: I can't. I've googled and I have tried, and I can't.
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: The sad thing is I could ask my mom, but
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: my mom doesn't knock to me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: My mom would remember, so I'm not sure what to
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: do without a full name. I try looking up Mosin
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: in the phone book. Amazingly in the area where Amber
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: grew up under Mosen there's just uh, there's only one listing.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Should we try calling it?
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Let's try? We can try.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Is this exciting?
• 10:49
  Speaker 6: I feel nervous. I feel nervous.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Oh, oh, hello, is this missus Moson?
• 11:06
  Speaker 7: It is?
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: Hi, I just want to I want to sure I
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: have the right missus. Did you teach at Bellmead School?
• 11:12
  Speaker 7: Yes, I did, so.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Amber explains who she is.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: So, I'm one of your former students.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I'm Amber Scora, and she explains why she's calling. That
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: moment she still thinks about all these years later, just this.
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: Moment, there was a slight, like a subtle shift in
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: your face. And for this very lucid moment, I sensed
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: that you were sad, like that you felt that that
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: was like I was.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: It was like a shame.
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: So long story short, I ended up moving to New
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: York because when you leave the jobs, Whnes says, they
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: all shun you. So like, no one in my family
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: speaks to me anymore because of that.
• 11:49
  Speaker 7: Yeah, not even your mom.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: No, she doesn't either.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: Actually, But the point of this whole story is that
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: I was I've I thought back to you, and I
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: felt like, now I would like to tell you that
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: I escaped and that that moment when you looked at
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: me that way, it actually it did something in me,
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: and it's something that came back to me now that I,
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: you know, had.
• 12:13
  Speaker 7: Left, sort of stayed with you, did it.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: And I also just wanted to say, like, as a teacher,
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: I think you were probably like the teacher I remember
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: most for my whole childhood.
• 12:22
  Speaker 7: Oh thank you.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I felt like you.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: Really saw me. And I just wanted to tell you that, Like,
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: I'm going to college now.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: I take night.
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: School, So what are you what are you studying.
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: I'm actually getting a degree in psychology because when I finished,
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: I wanted to become like a therapist that helps people
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: sort of the same similar situation that I was in
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: to escape cults or like mind control and help them
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: to deprogram and.
• 12:44
  Speaker 7: Can I tell you how proud I am of you.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: Oh that's so nice.
• 12:48
  Speaker 7: I mean, you were you were so bright. And when
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: when you said that you weren't going to university, I
• 12:55
  Speaker 7: mean I just I was shocked. I couldn't understand it,
• 13:00
  Speaker 7: you know, I thought, my god, why doesn't that girl
• 13:02
  Speaker 7: go to university? But I couldn't say too much with
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: your mother being.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Oh that's funny. Yeah, I could see it in your
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: face because.
• 13:09
  Speaker 7: You just stood out as far as academics was concerned.
• 13:13
  Speaker 7: I surprised the road on my face.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: That's funny.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, I ticked it out, but it's
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: really nice to hear you say that now.
• 13:20
  Speaker 7: I mean, I'm just so glad that you're doing it.
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: Now.
• 13:23
  Speaker 7: Don't ever let anybody deter you from whatever you want
• 13:27
  Speaker 7: to become. You become. I'm so glad for you. Really,
• 13:36
  Speaker 7: you're making an old woman very happy.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: Oh I'm so glad I reached you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 7: Just absolutely amazing. It just made my day.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Amber has just been accepted into Harvard and she'll be
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: beginning virtual classes in the fall. Stevie, Yes, Khalila, Yeah,
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: you know this is probably before your day, But in
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: nineteen seventy nine, Pink Floyd saying, hey, teacher, leave those
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: kids alone. But here it is twenty twenty, and we
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: don't want those kids left alone, not at all.
• 14:32
  Speaker 8: Sounds like you're like on all things considered, I feel
• 14:35
  Speaker 8: like that's like a very like NPR, like hostant tro.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I'm Jonathan Goldstein. So this next story is about Ava,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: who also can't stop thinking about her first grade teacher,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: a woman named Miss Susie, who taught her thirty years
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: ago in a small Connecticut town called Jewett City.
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: We lived in a house that didn't have heat or
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: hot water. We didn't have a car, we didn't have
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: a phone, we didn't.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Have a TV.
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: I went to this Catholic school when I was young,
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: and I just we remember this woman named Missussie. She
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: was the person that first told me about New York
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: City and I live in New York City. Because she
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: was very influential to me, I felt like she was radical.
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she just felt radical to me
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: because she was kind and she felt different than the
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: rest of the teachers. She never spoke to us like
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: we were children. She just spoke to us like we
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: were smaller people, her making us listen to John Lennon's
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: Imagine and giving us little candles so that we could
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: sway back and forth like we were at our own concert.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: To think about some of the lyrics to imagine, you
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: know about how imagine there's no heaven.
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, imagine there's no religion.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: I mean that does seem kind of like in the
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: context of a Catholic school with nuns walking around, that
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: is kind of radical.
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: During this time period, my mom has been in recovery
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: for twenty seven years now, but she didn't quit drinking
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: until I was eight years old, so I spent a
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: majority of my time caring for my mom. There were times,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: because I was really worried about her, that I would
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: actually sneak out of school and I would try to
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: go home and make sure she was okay because she
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: had she fell down the stairs one time, and she
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: would get hurt because she would be drunk. And when
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: I got to school, my first grade teacher she would
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: make me be able to forget about those things a
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: little bit until really I got off the bus to
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: get back home. And so I think that's why I
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: was really drawn to this teacher, because she made me
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: feel safe and she made me feel like things were
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: going to be okay. And that's kind of why I'm
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: thinking about her right now, because there's this sense of
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: safety that we're all looking for.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: So Ava only had Miss Susie that one year for
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: first grade, and then Miss Susie left the school. But
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: then she actually came back seven years later to attend
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Ava's eighth grade graduation.
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: And she was standing off to the right, and we
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: hadn't seen her since she left. Wow, And I remember
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: I remember looking at her and I saw her and
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: she said, she mouthed, I'm so proud of you, and
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: for somebody that went through a lot at that time,
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: it was really wonderful. I keep a series of photographs
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: in my vanity area, and I still have the class
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: photograph of everybody. It's next to a picture of my grandmother,
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: and it says Miss Susie nineteen ninety like I.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Look at it every day. Huh.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: I just look elated. I look so happy in that photo.
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: I wonder if she still thinks about us, and I
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: wonder if she's still teaching.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: I would really like to talk to.
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: Her again and thank her for you know, inspiring me
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: to letting me tell her that I'm really grateful for
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: the strength to go someplace else besides Suett City.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: So the only problem really was finding Miss Susie, this
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: woman that Eva hadn't seen in decades. And added to
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: that was, you know, the ever constant problem of someone
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: in search of their first grade teacher, which was that
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Eva was not one hundred percent sure of Miss Susie's
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: first name. And it was at this point, Khalila, that
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: I turned to you, yes, to help in this search.
• 18:50
  Speaker 8: It was very hard.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Dozens of Miss Susie's across Connecticut were phoned.
• 18:56
  Speaker 8: And then finally called the right person. She still is
• 19:00
  Speaker 8: a teacher, she's an upstate New York now.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: So I connected Ava with Miss Susie, and you know,
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: at the beginning, it was a little awkward, as these
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: things can be, but Miss Susie was just very kind,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: just as she was all those years ago.
• 19:19
  Speaker 9: I don't know that you know, but the year that
• 19:22
  Speaker 9: I taught you, that was my very very first year teaching.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Ever.
• 19:26
  Speaker 9: I was twenty two, So our first day of school
• 19:29
  Speaker 9: together wasn't just your first day of first grade. It
• 19:32
  Speaker 9: was my first day of first grade entirely. I was
• 19:37
  Speaker 9: just out of college and I was younger than you
• 19:40
  Speaker 9: are now.
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: I didn't know that. I mean, it seemed you were
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: unlike any of the rest of the teachers that I
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: remember from that area. But the other part was so
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: I don't obviously I don't think that you would know this,
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: but my mom got sober when I was eight, So
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: when I was six, I was in your class and
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: she was still drinking.
• 20:05
  Speaker 9: I did know that, I was told that by a
• 20:09
  Speaker 9: else in the building, but I don't think that I
• 20:12
  Speaker 9: realized how much you knew.
• 20:14
  Speaker 10: So after your class, sorry, oh no, that's okay.
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: The year that I had with you was really it
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: was really wonderful because I was so engaged and I
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: wasn't really worried about my mom. I didn't know if
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: you knew, like of course, like my mom would show
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: up sometimes to pick me up, and I know she
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: would be drunk, and she would be drunk driving. From
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: that time on, I always like I worried about her.
• 20:51
  Speaker 11: I worried about her a lot.
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: But I do remember like first grade, that class to
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: me was very freeing because I wasn't really worried that much.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: It was important for me to let you know that.
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: I thought of that time period as like the last
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: time that I like, I didn't worry, I was allowed
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: to be a kid.
• 21:15
  Speaker 9: I thank you so much for sharing that with me.
• 21:18
  Speaker 9: You know, I I say that I knew, but it
• 21:20
  Speaker 9: was it was kind of a just in passing. It
• 21:23
  Speaker 9: wasn't a I feel all the more blessed to have
• 21:26
  Speaker 9: been a part of that and to have made it
• 21:30
  Speaker 9: a place, you know, where you didn't have to worry,
• 21:32
  Speaker 9: where you got to be a child, because that's what
• 21:34
  Speaker 9: you were. You, you know, you were just a sweet
• 21:36
  Speaker 9: little girl. The one thing I remember about your mom,
• 21:40
  Speaker 9: because I do have a vague picture of her in
• 21:42
  Speaker 9: my head, was that she let me know that you
• 21:45
  Speaker 9: were a very good reader and that you had taught
• 21:48
  Speaker 9: yourself how to read. And it was like her way
• 21:51
  Speaker 9: of letting me know to make sure that I challenged you,
• 21:54
  Speaker 9: or to you know, maybe she was afraid you would
• 21:56
  Speaker 9: be shy or quiet and not you know, not have
• 21:59
  Speaker 9: your true colors come out. But that is really the
• 22:01
  Speaker 9: one thing I remember her saying to me, and I
• 22:05
  Speaker 9: held on to that.
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: I still actually have a pair of earrings that you made.
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: At one point you were like making jewelry, and you
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: were we would do those like church basement your sale things,
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: and they don't have hooks on them anymore, but I've
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: always kept.
• 22:20
  Speaker 9: Them absolutely just I have no words for that, that
• 22:27
  Speaker 9: you still have them, that that really, Oh my gosh,
• 22:34
  Speaker 9: oh you're you're You're making me speechless. That year was
• 22:53
  Speaker 9: so special to me. I the very last day of school,
• 22:58
  Speaker 9: we all walked out the one main door, and the
• 23:01
  Speaker 9: bus came and picked everybody up, you know, all the
• 23:05
  Speaker 9: kids spilled out the windows and are waving goodbye. And
• 23:08
  Speaker 9: I ran back into the school and I shut myself
• 23:14
  Speaker 9: in a stall and I cried and cried and cried,
• 23:19
  Speaker 9: and the third grade teacher at the time came looking
• 23:22
  Speaker 9: for me, and she said, what's wrong, what's the matter.
• 23:27
  Speaker 9: And I remember saying to her, I said, they left,
• 23:30
  Speaker 9: they left, and it will never be this year again.
• 23:34
  Speaker 9: I'll never have this again. I just knew that it
• 23:38
  Speaker 9: would never be so pure. And I'm just glad that
• 23:44
  Speaker 9: we connected, that you were in my class, that I
• 23:47
  Speaker 9: did get that job, that there wasn't some other version
• 23:52
  Speaker 9: of first grade for you, or some other version of
• 23:54
  Speaker 9: a career for me.
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: So it's sometimes overwhelming when you think that you're the
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: only person that's thought of the other you know, I
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: just assumed that I was carrying all this stuff with
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: me for this many years without being considered, but being remembered.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: That age also feels really nice.
• 24:16
  Speaker 9: It's really satisfying in a way that nothing has kind
• 24:20
  Speaker 9: of felt before, to uh, to be able to talk
• 24:23
  Speaker 9: with with uh, someone I knew when they were such
• 24:27
  Speaker 9: a little girl and and I was such a young woman.
• 24:31
  Speaker 9: I mean we were, we were both we were both
• 24:34
  Speaker 9: just newbies, we were both fresh in a way.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: Do you remember Julie Lordie and Paul Wisnowski?
• 24:45
  Speaker 9: I do, yes, I do absolutely remember those names.
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: So do you know they're married now?
• 24:51
  Speaker 11: Now?
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: I would past them around the schoolyard. She had a
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: really good crush on them in the first grade, and
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: we all knew it.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Thought, Hello, John, Hi, Hi, how are you?
• 25:33
  Speaker 11: I'm well worried and well, you know, how about yourself?
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Worried and well, I guess yeah, it's a good way
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: to put it.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, can I can I ask you to uh to
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: play some in an empty room?
• 25:50
  Speaker 11: Sure? I'd be glad to.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. When's the when's the last time you played it?
• 25:55
  Speaker 11: Hm?
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Hmm?
• 25:56
  Speaker 11: I think uh it would have been on that tour
• 26:00
  Speaker 11: in the Midwest where I saw where we saw you,
• 26:03
  Speaker 11: so I think it. Yeah, I think it would have
• 26:05
  Speaker 11: been in Fargo. Actually it would have been the last
• 26:08
  Speaker 11: time I played it. So I'll just put the phone
• 26:11
  Speaker 11: down and then, uh, we'll see, uh, see how this works.
• 26:21
  Speaker 11: Now that the furnitures returning to its goodwill home.
• 26:29
  Speaker 12: With dishes in last week's papers, roumors and elections, crosswords
• 26:35
  Speaker 12: on unending war, blacken, our fingers smear their prints on
• 26:41
  Speaker 12: every door pulled shut. Now that the last month's rent
• 26:48
  Speaker 12: is scheming with the damage deposit, take this moment to
• 26:53
  Speaker 12: decide if we meant it, if we try.
• 27:00
  Speaker 13: We felt around for far too much, from things that
• 27:05
  Speaker 13: accidentally touched, the hands that we nearly hold with pennies
• 27:16
  Speaker 13: for the gst, the shoulders we lean our shoulders into
• 27:25
  Speaker 13: on the subway, mutter on apology, the shins that we
• 27:31
  Speaker 13: kick beneath the table, that reflexive cry, the faces we
• 27:40
  Speaker 13: meet one awkward beat too long and terriorfy know the
• 27:46
  Speaker 13: things we need to say but said already any way.
• 27:55
  Speaker 13: A parallelograms of light walls that we repainted white.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: Sign in an.
• 28:08
  Speaker 14: Empty room, sign in an empty room, sign in an
• 28:18
  Speaker 14: empty room, sign in an empty room.
• 28:24
  Speaker 13: Take eight minutes and divide but ninety million longly miles
• 28:33
  Speaker 13: and watch a shadow cross the floor.
• 28:38
  Speaker 14: We don't live here anymore.