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Transcript

A Messy Becoming · The Harmony Channel

• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm sitting across from Oprah, deeply engaged in our conversation when she leans in close and casually says to me, if you're working on the Nexus, let that be enough.
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instantly the truth of her words run up my spine like electricity, jolting me awake.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: My eyes pop open and I sit upright in bed, wow, Oprah.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I could still sense her presence as I closed my eyes to take in the remaining fragrance of our dream meeting.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: The resonance of Oprah's one-line singer was echoing throughout my heartbeat.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Next, I whispered to myself in Wondermond.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: The word was curious.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had never used this word in connection to my harmony work, or perhaps at all.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: But she was right.
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I was working on the core of my life's work, then why not?
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let that be enough.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the Harmony Channel.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, C. Rose, and I'm so happy to be returning for season 2.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're new to this podcast, hi, I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a show about Harmony.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like to say that I'm a student, steward, and shaper of Harmony.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what does that mean exactly?
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: To me, it means that as a student, I am enrolled in the school of harmony, lessons bound, especially within the natural world, and more specifically my own backyard.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: As a steward of harmony, I am tending to the gardens of my life, and as a shaper, I move with the intention of creating unity within me and around me.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe since I'm a Libra Sun, I'm destined to be intrigued by the idea of harmony.
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also have a ton of Scorpio in my chart, so I'm coming to peace with the fact that my life tends to be intense and transformative and part of my spiritual work is simply existing and finding balance and beauty through difficult cycles that sometimes feel as though they are going to last forever.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like this current cycle, I have been experiencing for years now.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thankfully, I can feel it slowly coming to an end, but I know I still have a little ways to go, and I'm not there yet.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I'm in a transitional time that lasts a brutally long time, I catch myself wondering if this is it.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm actually stuck, stuck in the mud of the mystery.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But my heart tugs need to find my center.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: find my roots, find my bare feet holding steady on the duet grass in the early morning to orient, breathe, and listen to the birds singing their morning song.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hear messages from the land council, my team of helping spirits, that my current circumstances aren't a punishment for how terrible I am, or because I've made horrible choices.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: For me, this time has been an opportunity to get to know the mystery of life a little better, to become friends even, because within the threshold, I learned patience.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I become more trusting of myself and the divine.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I become a deeper, more attentive listener of the great center within, and the great center without.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have learned to reframe my mindset, or since admittedly I am a student of harmony and of life.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I should say I am learning to reframe as I have been in a four-year process of reshaping my everyday life.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Throughout season 2 of the Harmony Channel, I'll be sharing life stories about finding Harmony through the change of transformation.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: In my life right now, I'm diving deeper into the mystery of my own spiritual creativity and seeking to become an artist of the everyday.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'll be sharing about this too.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: My practices are simple, but they ground me.
• 4:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Drawing me back to center, helping me root and orient myself to the interconnectedness of
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Though I must admit that each day, my spiritual creative practice shifts a bit.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing seems to be static.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some aspects of what I do each morning and evening changes.
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: A part of me craves routine, consistency, because my mind tells me that devotion should look the same from one day to the next.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But maybe this is the lesson.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Harmony is not motionless.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And Harmony knows there is also a part of me that would rebel against a fixed routine.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Harmony wants more for me than unsustainable behavior patterns.
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: To be harmonious for me, requires listening, then action that is balanced between the heart and the head.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, this is a big struggle for me.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps I'm called to share this with you now, dear listener, because maybe this is something you struggle with too,
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So here's what's been happening the past several months.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have so joined inside a creative cocoon, initially what I thought would come from this incubation period did not.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thankfully, what emerged was something far more me and far closer to my core than the ideas my mind had conjured.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not that my mind's proposed path was bad, but my thoughts were leading me in one direction, and my heart, another.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I felt pulled and out of balance.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: My mind said, do Substack, that's practical.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's working for so many people.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's no reason it can't work for you, too.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have to create an offering, start a membership, post some Zoom sessions.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: My mind specifically, my business mind, said, this is how it's done.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Aren't you paying attention on social media?
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: My heart was stubborn though and nudged me to go inward.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Inward before going outward.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought I'd been doing that already, but my heart stood her ground, not wanting this process to be rushed.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: For my professional actions need to stay aligned with what feels exciting and alive within me.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe Zoom and Memberships would come someday, or maybe not.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: But for now, I needed to put my phone away for the most part, so I could stay in my lane to focus on understanding the nexus of my life's work.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I put away the thoughts that I had to build anything at all.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wiped the slate clean, even though I'd made promises on the last episode of season 1, even though I was desperate for even a trickle of financial flow.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hated the heart call and attuned my awareness to center, listening attentively in the quiet of the unknown.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I heard many things, but one in particular nagged at me because I didn't want to hear it.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I needed to get a job.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know this might come off sounding extremely privileged.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: The world is falling apart and this girl doesn't want to get a job.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: But for over a decade, I have been able to support myself from home.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: At the beginning, I suppose this ability felt like a novelty until eventually.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I took for granted that my creativity could be a means to support myself and my family financially.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll go into this more in a future episode, but for now, I'll just say that Harmony was asking me to cut away the pressure of my creative work providing income.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: For now, I needed to end this 13-year cycle and head out into the world to bring some resources back to our nest.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: After several months, I am grateful to report that a new job came through.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: But because of this new job, my time for my creative work would inevitably be trimmed down.
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: My creative time already felt limited as I'm not only a mother to two daughters, but I'm also a caregiver to my own mother, not to mention a partner to my husband.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I felt busy enough with my current responsibilities, so I was nervous about what this would mean for my creative projects.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And confused, wasn't the universe asking me to do my sole work?
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why am I getting what feels like set back after set back?
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Am I not working hard enough?
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Should I burn the candle at both ends to make working from home work?
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Especially since this new job would certainly help, but it wouldn't solve all of our money problems.
• 8:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I knew it was a stepping stone, and so I chose that path.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Eventually this past march I started my new job, and was able to see it as a beautiful gift.
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're all adjusting to me being out of the house a portion of the week.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what originally felt like a emotion now provides some financial relief while also bringing clarity.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not just on why I was called to do the actual job itself.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: But from what remained when I realized I now could not do it all, something had to give.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Working this job, leading subtle Shaper Society, and adding research content to this podcast, while also writing a book series would not be possible.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: with my new time parameters, anything that wasn't already in motion needed to be set aside temporarily.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got quiet and asked myself, what was vital?
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: What would bring vitality?
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: What was the nexus seedling of my work that I could plant now with simplicity?
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: What was my path to harmony?
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: The answer came slowly, and I often felt bewildered during the process.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: But every morning, I swaddled myself in the dark quietude of pre-done to listen to my intuition, to the land, to my dreams.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Upon reflection, I am able to understand that there was nothing specifically wrong with subtle shape or society, and adding more to this podcast, but they weren't, at least for now, essential, because they weren't centered.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: They weren't anchored from my space of center.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They were coming solely from what sounded like good ideas, and I kept running in various directions in a panic to get my work out there.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought because I had the ingredients, they were ready for the finished meal, but I continually skipped the necessary step of simmering.
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: The spaciousness of not rushing became a cauldron, the sacredness of simplicity, my wooden spoon.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in order for the soup of my soul to be its most nourishing, I practiced stirring the pot with patience.
• 11:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Eventually, what was truly essential rose to the surface of my awareness, and this, this would be the simple way forward.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: My heart made visible my way forward, so I can work my job outside of the home, while also being a devoted student steward and shaper of harmony.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And my heart rewarded me with what it already knew, but my mind couldn't quite fully claim.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: That in this lifetime, regardless of profitability, I really do get to be an artist and an author.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am so used with the wisdom of my own heart.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: In removing the pressure of needing my harmony work to make money, in wiping the slate clean several times, in looking at what was essential to my soul, and realizing I only had time to offer what I was already building, and it didn't have to be fancy.
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It just had to be true, and this is when I decided a photocopied chapbook series would be enough.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It would be a fun, playful way to share my ideas, because this podcast feels like a pairing, a sister, a twin, to a tangible, touchable booklet series.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: My first booklet is called Interwoven.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: The writing has been in the making for well over a year now.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it is a short booklet, but goes deep into the nexus of my experience with Harmony.
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you'll check it out on my website, circlebeautyhouse.com.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And with that introduction to my new booklet series, I'd like to take a quick moment to share a bit more on my creative decision to rebrand with Circle Beauty House, my official company name, rather than Circle Bookhouse.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you have been following along since my coming out last spring, then you have witnessed my difficulty with holding on to names.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: My sub-stack account changed names practically every month for half a year.
• 13:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't even remember all the variations, but I think there was diary of a mystic and mystic diaries and zine of a mystic, then eventually settle shape or society and lastly, the Harmony Channel, we're last I left it.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I was actively listening, and my inner world was getting stronger and clearer, I was unaware how much I was struggling with the relationship between my heart and my mind.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: My outer world mimicked this disarmony, and soul might be coming, has been a messy one.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why couldn't I just stick with my original business name, circle beauty house from the beginning?
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: For some reason, last April, when I was writing my initial newsletter announcing the release of my book, The Sound of Center, I made a spur of a moment decision and changed beauty to book, because I wondered if this would make more sense to people.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It felt like a logical decision.
• 14:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: After all, I was a new name on the scene, literally.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Along with coming out with a new book, I started using a pen name, Sicilia C. Rose.
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: There was an inner knowing that my work on harmony would like to be penned with this name, because the Celia C. Rose was whispered to me by my very own soul, and so C. Rose was born in the spring of 2025, and yet my given birth name carried on in my personal life.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: There has been a strangeness to this duality I willingly stepped into, but there has also been a wonderful sense of empowerment in choosing a work name that felt old, yet new,
• 14:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so being a beginner writer with a new name and a new studio name has been an aspect I have been learning to navigate.
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's not much of a Google search when you look up Cecilia C. Rose.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Had I stuck with my birth name, a search would lead you to a plethora of knitting-related crafty links.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: But this didn't feel quite right, and so I made my choice and I don't regret it.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I do believe, however, it has made me finicky about naming things and sent me into a bit of a tail-spin identity crisis.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Circle beauty house, for instance.
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It felt true to my heart, but I began to worry it sounded too abstract, or perhaps it sounded like a cosmetic company.
• 15:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the meaning behind Circle Beauty House is quite deep.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: It touches on why my soul is here.
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I came to this name, sure I'll say it again, Circle Beauty House, while writing my book.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think they're viewing two names at once, felt vulnerable.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: because these names were not just names.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: There was an energetic meaning to what stands behind them.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: The meaning that my new way of living was connected to my soul.
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So last to spring, when I switched the name last minute to Circle Bookhouse, I was trying to stay safe.
• 16:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a mask I put on to appear more mainstream, even though beauty isn't an esoteric word.
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's intended meaning in the context of my business name, transcends the physical.
• 16:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It penetrates an essential truth that every moment lived is a thing of beauty.
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's also a reference to the beauty of our circular home, Mother Earth.
• 16:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: But for some reason, these meanings touched a soft spot within me and touched my insecurity.
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, in changing my business name to Circle Bookhouse, I started a pattern of name switching, of not trusting myself, of not trusting the deep meaning of my soul's intention, to bring harmonious beauty to this world, first within, then, without.
• 16:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: But now I'm getting over my insecurity around being a new writer and potcaster, being a bit esoteric, being a land-listening, feather-finding, rainbow-tracking, dream-journaling, moon-loving lady.
• 17:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting over having a new name.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: See Rose, and I'm embracing my devotion to my inner truth, and this includes the name Circle Beauty House.
• 17:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I had that dream last summer, we're overshared her message if you're working on the Nexus let that be enough.
• 17:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I felt inspired to keep digging through the mud of the mystery to find my Nexus seedling.
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: The seed feels like it will always be seeding back into itself, evolving, growing, shifting and changing.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: The message also reminds me to focus my attention to the core,
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: The message in the dream was later mirrored in my life when I started my new job which required me to clear away what was not essential or vital.
• 17:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: When simplicity is rooted in soul-ful meaning, it is sacred and there's no need to add more.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: The truth of center nourishes its own aliveness and the spiral of creativity natural sprouts with gratitude from this place.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: For now, my mind is in unison with my heart, and I'm curious to see where the river of this chapbook series I'm calling the Nexus series, we'll take me.
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to create my next booklet and my next.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: The ideas are flowing and I can feel an ocean around me, but one drop at a time.
• 18:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So for now, I hope you'll check out my first drop, interwoven.
• 18:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before I go, I'd like to take a quick second to thank Zenia Marie Ross Furei of Miss of Creation.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Zenia has been a supportive mentor as I step into this new version of myself as a writer and a harmony shaper.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: This path of self-discovery for me has been the only one at times.
• 18:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm always so grateful when I'm able to get enough resources together to have a one-on-one session with Zenia.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: What comes through is so valuable as I'm always guided back to my most authentic self.
• 19:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find a link to their work in the show notes below.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for tuning back in.
• 19:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you back here next month for another episode of the Harmony Channel.
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Much love seeing you soon.