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116: 15 Years of Personal Development: What Actually Changed My Life · The Everyday Awesome Project

• 0:27
  Polly Mertens: Hey superstars, welcome back.
• 0:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Polly here.
• 0:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh my goodness.
• 0:31
  Samantha Pruitt: What's up, beautiful human?
• 0:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Sam Bruitt in the house.
• 0:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Let's go.
• 0:35
  Samantha Pruitt: Let's go.
• 0:36
  Samantha Pruitt: You and I were just like riffing for an hour or whatever it was because we haven't been in connection.
• 0:41
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, like this kind of connection.
• 0:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, and we got a lot going on.
• 0:47
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, because the world is full of opportunities.
• 0:51
  Samantha Pruitt: So, speaking of personal development, that's one of the many opportunities that humans can embark upon.
• 0:57
  Samantha Pruitt: And that's what we're going to talk about today.
• 0:59
  Samantha Pruitt: And in particular, your journey through the landmark forum and beyond.
• 1:04
  Samantha Pruitt: And I was calling it a master's degree in personal development.
• 1:07
  Samantha Pruitt: So, to be clear, it's not like your average personal development class or book or program.
• 1:12
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, landmark's been around for what, 40 years?
• 1:16
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, plus, yeah, something like that.
• 1:18
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, and you found landmark at what age?
• 1:20
  Polly Mertens: Not to put you on the spot with your age, but no, no, it's great because it like it, I it reminds me.
• 1:26
  Polly Mertens: Um, so because it was part of my I've, you know, if you haven't listened to, so this is lessons in elite personal development.
• 1:34
  Polly Mertens: And so I've been what started my personal development journey was the landmark forum.
• 1:38
  Polly Mertens: And I've talked over the years as like what got me into coaching, what got me out of my 20-year eating disorder, what set me on a trajectory was the body of work that is landmark, right?
• 1:48
  Polly Mertens: Um, and I'm not saying it's better or worse than any other personal development, but it was the start of my journey.
• 1:53
  Polly Mertens: It's when I literally became conscious, is how I think.
• 1:57
  Polly Mertens: Like, like it turned the light on inside of me that, like, oh, I'm not just this mind.
• 2:03
  Polly Mertens: Oh, I'm not just whatever we, you know, identify as, right?
• 2:07
  Polly Mertens: So it was the start of that, and that was at 34, because I had had an eating disorder from 14 to 34, and I walked out and I didn't have an eating disorder after 20 years.
• 2:16
  Polly Mertens: So 34 and I'm 54.
• 2:18
  Polly Mertens: So this was 20 years ago now.
• 2:20
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 2:20
  Polly Mertens: So thank you for the math.
• 2:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Yep.
• 2:22
  Samantha Pruitt: There we go.
• 2:22
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, there's so many opportunities to wake the hell up to your own life.
• 2:30
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, literally, someone is knocking on the door most days of the week.
• 2:35
  Samantha Pruitt: And when I say someone, I mean the universe or whatever your belief system is, to wake the fuck up to your life.
• 2:41
  Samantha Pruitt: And so it's so thrilling for me to know that you boldly did it at such a young age.
• 2:49
  Samantha Pruitt: It did not waste another 20 or 40 years.
• 2:53
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and I wish I, you know, they have the landmark and content for teenage or like young adults and stuff like that.
• 2:59
  Polly Mertens: I'm like, man, if I knew this stuff, you know, like if I was, if I had, right?
• 3:03
  Polly Mertens: Like, well, but but every path's perfect, right?
• 3:05
  Polly Mertens: It was like, okay, that's when I was supposed to do it, and I had to go through all of that nonsense.
• 3:09
  Polly Mertens: That was my first, you know, 20 years of adult life to get to that point.
• 3:14
  Polly Mertens: And and I would never say I didn't want to have that eating disorder because all of that was like part of my story and my journey of, you know, you you don't know your, you know, if you're never hungry, you don't know how good food tastes, right?
• 3:26
  Polly Mertens: It's like getting hungry or like being in a desert and then you see an oasis.
• 3:31
  Polly Mertens: It's like, wow, like it really has an impression or an impact on your life, right?
• 3:35
  Polly Mertens: So it's like I had to go into these places to grow into and learn and rediscover who I am and what I'm capable of and the strength that I have and stuff.
• 3:43
  Samantha Pruitt: So and sometimes you really gotta suffer.
• 3:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Right.
• 3:48
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, you're doing it also.
• 3:50
  Samantha Pruitt: You're doing it with dark.
• 3:53
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, the painted patchwork quilt that we have of ups and downs and lessons learned, and you know, me with divorcing and you with, you know, couch potato to you know, ultra woman and stuff.
• 4:04
  Polly Mertens: It's there's a lot there, right?
• 4:05
  Polly Mertens: Right.
• 4:06
  Polly Mertens: So and it's lifelong, you know, like it's lifelong.
• 4:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, what makes somebody even want to dive into personal development?
• 4:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Suffering.
• 4:16
  Polly Mertens: Uh yeah, okay.
• 4:16
  Polly Mertens: Suffering.
• 4:17
  Polly Mertens: End of suffering, a desire to get to the bottom of, not to wallow, not to stay a victim their whole life, not to keep repeating old patterns.
• 4:26
  Polly Mertens: They're like, why do I keep doing this to myself?
• 4:27
  Polly Mertens: Because you keep doing it to yourself.
• 4:29
  Polly Mertens: Like you're you're the one that's doing it, right?
• 4:31
  Polly Mertens: And so it's more self-discovery, more awareness.
• 4:34
  Polly Mertens: And, you know, I'm grateful.
• 4:35
  Polly Mertens: You know, I remember this is a little backstory.
• 4:37
  Polly Mertens: This isn't exactly what we're gonna talk about, but you never know where this is gonna go.
• 4:40
  Polly Mertens: So here we go.
• 4:41
  Polly Mertens: So when I did the landmark forum, there's uh so landmark, like you started to say, is like a body of work, right?
• 4:46
  Polly Mertens: There's so it's like a little mini university and personal development that's been around since late 60s, 70s, whatever.
• 4:52
  Polly Mertens: And um, there's different paths that you can follow, kind of like you go to a university and you could study at different schools of business, science, nursing, whatever.
• 5:01
  Polly Mertens: So I did the landmark forum, which is a three-day weekend.
• 5:05
  Polly Mertens: That's like the entree.
• 5:06
  Polly Mertens: Anything in landmark, you start there.
• 5:07
  Polly Mertens: It's like the foundation.
• 5:08
  Polly Mertens: Then I did something called the Advanced Forum or the Advanced Course, and that like opened my eyes.
• 5:14
  Polly Mertens: And and and I was um in the landmark forum.
• 5:18
  Polly Mertens: I remember sitting next to someone before I started doing all these programs, and some guy was like, Yeah, I'm I'm retaking it.
• 5:24
  Polly Mertens: And I had such breakthroughs.
• 5:26
  Polly Mertens: I thought like I was fixed.
• 5:28
  Polly Mertens: I was like, life is good, I am done, right?
• 5:31
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, why would you come back?
• 5:33
  Polly Mertens: You know, I was like, and then I later redid it.
• 5:37
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, oh, okay, I get it.
• 5:38
  Polly Mertens: Like we've go back to sleep, or there's more to work on, like there's more to unpack in our life, right?
• 5:44
  Polly Mertens: And so I've been on a journey, and not like I'm broken or something's wrong with me, but personal development is like I choose to develop and understand myself and be my best self as you do, right?
• 5:54
  Polly Mertens: And so whatever that looks like, some people love university degrees, or some people love to be the best athlete in a certain court, whatever.
• 6:03
  Polly Mertens: And I'm like, the when I work on myself and I invest in myself as you do, is like that brings all of light.
• 6:10
  Polly Mertens: Like who you become, like it ripples out into so much of your life, right?
• 6:15
  Samantha Pruitt: It's like yeah, well, and you know, we both also love to learn about other things and study other things and all the things, but like can I I I just can't think of anything more important than understanding this that is me.
• 6:28
  Samantha Pruitt: So I can be really smart and have all these degrees or have all this success or whatever all understand other people and how their brains work and all that.
• 6:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Like I'm fascinated in all of that stuff.
• 6:39
  Samantha Pruitt: But if I really don't understand me and am not really fully at peace or fully integrated and awake within this life experience that I'm getting in this one precious body, I mean it's kind of half-assed.
• 6:55
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, you know?
• 6:56
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, like uh it's perplexing, you know, the potential that are that exists within each of us, you know.
• 7:03
  Polly Mertens: So just being like, I I not to say that you can't people do life however you do life, right?
• 7:09
  Polly Mertens: But I look at people that their single focus is let's say success or this or whatever, but their relationships suck or their health is in the toilet or whatever.
• 7:17
  Polly Mertens: It's like living life fully is like looking at all the areas, not just sacrificing everything for this one thing.
• 7:25
  Polly Mertens: And personal development for me has been the discovery of who I am to bring all of that into the world.
• 7:31
  Polly Mertens: And I'm super fascinated just with consciousness, you know, and having Yeah, you are having rich relationships, right?
• 7:39
  Polly Mertens: Like what makes me better in a relationship or worse in a relationship, or better in communication, or worse in communication, or sacrificing or you know, all these things.
• 7:49
  Polly Mertens: And it's been this discovery of me, you know, it's like unpacking who I am and what's, you know, because what I think I didn't realize, and I've realized over time, as I've done lots of genres of personal development, Tony Robbins, Harvecker, you know, studied Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks, all this stuff, is um, you know, I think a lot of teachers would agree growing up in a society has a conditioning level, right?
• 8:16
  Polly Mertens: Like we're very, especially Western world, homogenized and conditioned by the culture, the standards.
• 8:24
  Polly Mertens: Um, and you take that to any culture.
• 8:26
  Polly Mertens: You know, if I if you dropped, you know, if a if I was a baby and I was born in India, I'd grow up with those cultural traditions and be expected to follow those.
• 8:33
  Polly Mertens: But then something would awaken in me.
• 8:35
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, hey, I don't maybe don't want this, right?
• 8:37
  Polly Mertens: And so we, I think the personal development journey is to awaken to what conditioning did you get?
• 8:43
  Polly Mertens: And is that even yours?
• 8:45
  Polly Mertens: Like, do you do you want that?
• 8:46
  Polly Mertens: Do you choose that, right?
• 8:48
  Polly Mertens: And then not living by default based on the conditioning of your culture, your family upbringing, things that you made up from you know, mental survival tactics and whatever, and then just understanding how the mind works so that you can choose your life, right?
• 9:02
  Polly Mertens: Be a choice.
• 9:04
  Samantha Pruitt: So exactly.
• 9:05
  Samantha Pruitt: And what comes with that is so much peace.
• 9:08
  Samantha Pruitt: And at the end of the day, I can't think of anything more important than me being at peace in this body and in this mind in a very complicated world, you know?
• 9:20
  Samantha Pruitt: It's just a precious gift.
• 9:23
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't have it every day, you know, but I have it a lot, and I'm appreciative that I developed that along the way like you have developed yourself as well.
• 9:32
  Samantha Pruitt: So we just want to encourage people to explore whatever path they choose.
• 9:36
  Samantha Pruitt: But we're here to talk about this course that you just completed.
• 9:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Uh-huh.
• 9:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Damn.
• 9:41
  Samantha Pruitt: So we call it team.
• 9:43
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and it's interesting.
• 9:44
  Polly Mertens: We're on this crux, or I step it out of.
• 9:46
  Polly Mertens: So just to in, you know, paint the picture if you haven't heard any of our previous episodes.
• 9:51
  Polly Mertens: I've been in a 12-month, it's called Team Management and Leadership Program, TMLP.
• 9:56
  Polly Mertens: We call it Team, if you will.
• 9:58
  Polly Mertens: And it actually has a two-year protocol.
• 10:00
  Polly Mertens: Like if you, if I was to continue on the second year, I'm not at this time anyway.
• 10:04
  Polly Mertens: But it is a 12-month commitment, four quarters or five weekends, first weekend and then four additional.
• 10:11
  Polly Mertens: And there's, I'll just say, like a ton that goes on.
• 10:14
  Polly Mertens: And the level of commitment where I saw it from the outside, I was like, oh yeah, I'll do those five weekends and these once a month and whatever.
• 10:20
  Polly Mertens: And then you get inside and then you realize like, how much more training is available.
• 10:24
  Polly Mertens: And what I've, you know, and I'll start dropping some of the things that I've learned, but every conversation is an opportunity for personal development, for training and development, you know, and it's not like it's just happening in a weekend or in a particular training day where we were having or something.
• 10:40
  Polly Mertens: It's like I started to realize, wow, like, so I go and I learn something, you know, like, oh, discover this technique or understanding of a concept, right?
• 10:49
  Polly Mertens: And then I go into conversation with someone, I was like, oh, this conversation is bringing that understanding, that awareness, and it's everywhere.
• 10:57
  Polly Mertens: Like, how many conversations do we have during the day, right?
• 11:00
  Polly Mertens: So I just completed that.
• 11:02
  Polly Mertens: And what you and I are stepping into, and I'm grateful for you sharing your wisdom out of that you're getting out of the Year to Live program, where we're sort of co-I'm your co-pilot on this as you are in that program.
• 11:13
  Polly Mertens: The the path of coming out of team last year and now stepping into this is absolutely blowing my mind.
• 11:22
  Polly Mertens: Like it's next level, dude.
• 11:26
  Polly Mertens: It's right next level.
• 11:27
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 11:28
  Polly Mertens: I mean, one of the things inside of team in that program, TMLP, is the they call them global leaders.
• 11:34
  Polly Mertens: So there's a body of people who lead these courses and are responsible for TMLP inside of Landmark.
• 11:41
  Polly Mertens: And they say that the people in Team are their elite body of people in the personal development world, right?
• 11:48
  Polly Mertens: So there's, um, you know, just like we talked about in university, you might be studying this, whatever.
• 11:53
  Polly Mertens: So a lot of people do other things, and then team is like the culmination.
• 11:57
  Polly Mertens: Like a lot of people like, I'll do team at the end because it takes something, right?
• 12:01
  Polly Mertens: And being around this body of people, and I mean, like probably none of them had less than six years, if not eight years, 20 years, whatever of wow, working stuff and themselves and and like really committed.
• 12:17
  Polly Mertens: And it's just it's like the SEAL team.
• 12:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, it's it's like the SEAL team for landmark and for team.
• 12:25
  Polly Mertens: And I feel like stepping into what we've stepped into with a year to live, which for you guys who didn't hear any episodes on that is living a year as if it's your last is what you and I are up to right now.
• 12:36
  Polly Mertens: The overlap and the transition of that into this is just freaking blowing my mind, you know.
• 12:43
  Polly Mertens: Like I thought, I was like, man, this landmark shit is like I'm you know, discovering so much and aha's and breakthroughs and distinctions for myself and and my relationships and who I am.
• 12:55
  Polly Mertens: And then putting right in the tail end of that, this year to live is like, whoa.
• 13:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, they perfectly complement each other, right?
• 13:02
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:03
  Polly Mertens: And I had no idea, but um, this is perfect for us, yeah.
• 13:06
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, so yeah, so I'm I'm happy to share like you know, one so after 20 years, you re-upped.
• 13:15
  Samantha Pruitt: There was a break in between, so for landmark specifically, yeah, yeah.
• 13:19
  Samantha Pruitt: You went back, yeah.
• 13:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Maybe it was less than 20 years, but and you specifically chose this program, the leadership and communication program, because well, I'll tell you what it this how this, yeah.
• 13:31
  Polly Mertens: Let me just tell that little mini story.
• 13:32
  Polly Mertens: So a year ago, January, um I was invited by a friend of mine that I didn't know was taking any landmark material.
• 13:40
  Polly Mertens: I just knew her, I actually knew her through house flipping, and she's like, hey, I'm doing this landmark thing.
• 13:45
  Polly Mertens: Do you want to come to this night to hear about it?
• 13:47
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, Oh my god, I used to do landmark.
• 13:49
  Polly Mertens: Yes, I'd love to come hear about it, you know, because she was doing something I hadn't done before.
• 13:53
  Polly Mertens: So I go to that and just like hear landmark has very specific language, and once you hear it, you're like, wow, how do people things that they distinguish and the the way that they use language is just mind-blowing.
• 14:08
  Polly Mertens: That's why I think I've developed my fascination with language.
• 14:10
  Polly Mertens: You know me, I'm always looking up definitions and stuff.
• 14:13
  Polly Mertens: And so I so she invited me to that, and I was like, all right, I gotta take something.
• 14:16
  Polly Mertens: I it's been it has been a hot minute since I've done anything landmark, but I'm so glad to be re-engaged with it.
• 14:21
  Polly Mertens: What's the next course?
• 14:22
  Polly Mertens: What's available?
• 14:23
  Polly Mertens: So I called the center manager and I was like, tell me about, you know, oh, there's this and that.
• 14:27
  Polly Mertens: I was like, communication, what's up with that?
• 14:29
  Polly Mertens: You know, I was like, who could so I was like, oh, well, what I wanted to take.
• 14:32
  Polly Mertens: So there's a two communication courses, access to power, communication, access to power.
• 14:37
  Polly Mertens: I was like, that sounds yummy.
• 14:38
  Polly Mertens: And landmark's always like, feels tricky, but it's not.
• 14:40
  Polly Mertens: It's like there's that name means something, and then power to create.
• 14:44
  Polly Mertens: I was like, power to create, get me in that.
• 14:45
  Polly Mertens: Oh, you have to take access to power.
• 14:47
  Polly Mertens: I'm like, all right, well, let's do those two.
• 14:48
  Polly Mertens: I was like, okay, oh, great, they're two weeks apart.
• 14:51
  Polly Mertens: Okay, great.
• 14:51
  Polly Mertens: So I'm having all these breakthroughs in February of last year, taking these, and they're like, Well, you know, if you want to continue practicing this work, the team management and leadership program is where you spend a year doing that.
• 15:04
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, whoa, I was like, I I want to spend a year doing that.
• 15:09
  Polly Mertens: And so I didn't even have it wasn't like December of Yeah, yeah.
• 15:13
  Polly Mertens: I was like, okay, because I want to they say if you do team, you will have these distinctions that they have in the communication port course become a natural part of who you are, you know, because you probably do it so much, you know, like all these conversations, and you're just surrounded by other people who are in it, right?
• 15:30
  Polly Mertens: So they're listening for you, of you know, like at every conversation, like they would, you know, call you on, like, hey, did you notice that in what you're doing?
• 15:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Wow.
• 15:40
  Samantha Pruitt: It reminds me of being like in a master's program or something like that.
• 15:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Because to be clear, you're still working, you're out in the world, you're having your normal life.
• 15:46
  Samantha Pruitt: You didn't like all of a sudden, you know, drop out of life and go live somewhere in an ashram and like participate in this thing and be isolated from the world.
• 15:54
  Samantha Pruitt: The world and the everyday activity of said world and responsibilities was homework, basically.
• 16:02
  Polly Mertens: So every day you had homework based on send me off, you know, like I have a huddle with my coach once a week, and and once a month we have this train, whatever.
• 16:10
  Polly Mertens: And then I'm out in the world fumbling around, you know, breakdowns, you know, my, you know, whatever.
• 16:17
  Polly Mertens: Exactly.
• 16:17
  Polly Mertens: Go huddle with my coach, and like this is how it went, and like, ah, learn something.
• 16:22
  Polly Mertens: Okay, go back at it, you know, whatever.
• 16:24
  Polly Mertens: So it's just like that.
• 16:25
  Polly Mertens: It's like, yeah, like um, like if you were, well, I was gonna say if you're Tiger Woods and you work with your coach to get a better swing, but Tiger's only doing that.
• 16:32
  Polly Mertens: But this was like my my work was life, and it was like having somebody in the background of my life helping me with my relationships, my communication, my who I am, discovering all these things.
• 16:44
  Polly Mertens: It was fascinating.
• 16:45
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, you're right.
• 16:46
  Polly Mertens: Exactly.
• 16:47
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 16:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 16:48
  Samantha Pruitt: So you've completed the year and you just had last weekend like a closure program.
• 16:54
  Polly Mertens: Mm-hmm.
• 16:54
  Polly Mertens: Okay.
• 16:55
  Polly Mertens: So we have part of the program is every quarter they have a weekend event.
• 17:02
  Polly Mertens: So it's a Saturday and Sunday all day long training.
• 17:05
  Polly Mertens: And so you start the year-long program in a weekend, you have four more, and then you finish.
• 17:10
  Polly Mertens: You have five total weekends.
• 17:11
  Polly Mertens: So this past weekend was my completion weekend.
• 17:14
  Polly Mertens: And uh, you know, beautiful ceremony and then just all this acknowledgement and like what did you get out of it, and just hearing the other people and you, you know, so and this is North America.
• 17:24
  Polly Mertens: So I was in this program loosely with people from Canada to Latin America, you know.
• 17:29
  Polly Mertens: So we would show up on these weekends, we would show up on these training calls once a month, and I would see people in different regions that weren't specifically on my team.
• 17:37
  Polly Mertens: Like my team was West Southwest, which is, you know, the Arizona, California, generally speaking.
• 17:43
  Polly Mertens: Yep, yeah, 30, 35 of us.
• 17:45
  Polly Mertens: So I knew them intimately.
• 17:47
  Polly Mertens: They were like lots of conversations, lots of meetings with them.
• 17:50
  Polly Mertens: But I also was aware and would see the growth of the people that, you know, they were on Team Canada, for example, and like seeing them when I started and they started, and then who they became over the year, I could almost see more growth, you know, or I'm sure there was growth here too.
• 18:05
  Polly Mertens: But I would like see, I was like, wow, that person, look how they've evolved.
• 18:10
  Polly Mertens: I'm like, okay, well, I'm looking in a mirror here, must have had some growth over here too.
• 18:14
  Polly Mertens: It was remarkable.
• 18:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 18:16
  Samantha Pruitt: And that's part of the reward of personal development work too, is being in community.
• 18:20
  Samantha Pruitt: People will reflect back at you and you will see things and learn through that connection, that human connection, and through that community.
• 18:29
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, right.
• 18:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Just as much as you will learn personally.
• 18:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Like that process is also important.
• 18:35
  Samantha Pruitt: A good coaching, good community, like-minded people, and really an overall elevation of everyone at the table.
• 18:43
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and I think a little, well, I think you can liken that.
• 18:47
  Polly Mertens: Like I was like, is this like university?
• 18:48
  Polly Mertens: But there's something I think what at least how I've approached personal development, if I'm trying to see if this is true, is um it's like a team sport.
• 18:59
  Polly Mertens: It's like you don't, like, yeah, you're growing on yourself, but usually I'm like when I did my Tony Robbins work, I had a team, you know, like I created it, you know, I created a community and we did, you know, every two weeks we'd get together, you know.
• 19:11
  Polly Mertens: So it wasn't like, because I, you know, it's sort of like you can go learn a skill.
• 19:17
  Polly Mertens: Like, let's say you go to a weekend painting workshop or whatever.
• 19:19
  Polly Mertens: But if you're not painting and you're not like getting together with people and like checking each other's with other painters, but they're the painters, then it's like you're sort of like la la la, you know, but like get in a group of painters, get in a book study club or book writers club or whatever, artists, you know, musicians, like like hang out with them.
• 19:38
  Polly Mertens: Like you're gonna like be talking about that a lot, and it it really makes a difference.
• 19:43
  Samantha Pruitt: So yeah, and being in shared energy.
• 19:46
  Samantha Pruitt: So let's start digging into some of the things that you learned.
• 19:49
  Samantha Pruitt: I know I'm sure we could never touch bases on all of them.
• 19:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:53
  Samantha Pruitt: But do you have like, I don't know, a top five takeaway?
• 19:58
  Samantha Pruitt: Or what do you got?
• 19:59
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I would say I think I want to start with some of the high level, just like, whoa, like what it was like, like what what are some of the the bigger ones?
• 20:08
  Polly Mertens: Um one of the things I this is a little hard to recreate, but one of the last thing things I got out of this last weekend was the difference between accomplishment and results.
• 20:21
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, what is the difference between accomplishment and results?
• 20:26
  Polly Mertens: And so one of the things that they and I say the defin one of the definitions or how a landmark defines accomplishment is it arises out of the way you're being.
• 20:35
  Polly Mertens: So an accomplishment is it's a little bit like your attitude or what you bring to something, or like who you be as you pursue something, right?
• 20:44
  Polly Mertens: Um so result is what shows up and what gets done.
• 20:51
  Polly Mertens: Like you can have a result, but like who you be is not necessarily the same, right?
• 20:56
  Polly Mertens: So like your accomplishment is who were you out to be and fulfill on and what got done are different, right?
• 21:03
  Polly Mertens: So we don't blend the two.
• 21:04
  Polly Mertens: It's like this is a result.
• 21:06
  Polly Mertens: X happened, y happened, Z didn't happen.
• 21:09
  Polly Mertens: Okay, great.
• 21:10
  Polly Mertens: But like, did you accomplish something?
• 21:12
  Polly Mertens: Like, did you learn?
• 21:13
  Polly Mertens: Did you grow?
• 21:14
  Polly Mertens: Did you did you achieve what you set up to, right?
• 21:17
  Polly Mertens: And were you intentional?
• 21:18
  Polly Mertens: So, like what got accomplished can be very different from the results that were produced because it's internal, external, right?
• 21:26
  Samantha Pruitt: And many times you don't have control over all the results, and people attach their identity to the results mistakenly and will easily become derailed because the results aren't happening, or tell themselves a story about I'm unworthy, or whatever all drama they might tell themselves.
• 21:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Which you know, the point is who is the person while you are achieving, accomplishing the person doing the action.
• 21:54
  Samantha Pruitt: That's a verb.
• 21:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, that's a being verbing.
• 22:00
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 22:00
  Polly Mertens: It's like you can have a failed result.
• 22:04
  Polly Mertens: I didn't achieve X, but you could be fucking accomplished because how you grew, you know, like you might have set the bar so damn high for yourself that your result was like you'll never like I like last quarter, you know, I was like 500 people enrolled in my thing.
• 22:18
  Polly Mertens: I was like, I didn't, I didn't that wasn't my result, but like I accomplished so much, how I grew and like on the path towards that.
• 22:26
  Polly Mertens: So that that was just one of the clarifying, you know, it's like not attaching ourselves to results.
• 22:35
  Polly Mertens: Yes, pursue result, like, but you know, and definitely one of the beautiful things, and I agree with, and I know this from business, and you do too, is like what gets measured gets you know managed, right?
• 22:46
  Polly Mertens: So that's part of the management thing is like don't you need results that show up in numbers, you need results that you can quantify, you can test discuss or whatever.
• 22:55
  Polly Mertens: And accomplishment is looking at the whole picture as well, right?
• 22:59
  Polly Mertens: So, like, what were you out to cause?
• 23:01
  Polly Mertens: What were you out to grow in and develop yourself in?
• 23:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, or yeah, because some people produce results and they're horrible people, and how they generated those results are despicable, right?
• 23:12
  Samantha Pruitt: And so, why would we want it can't be about results, it has to be about the process, right?
• 23:17
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, it has to be about it, and also there's so many opportunities for us to just give up if we're solely focused on results.
• 23:25
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, if I'm gonna run a hundred miles, I don't want to be thinking about it the starting line, or even actually, you know, nine months earlier when I'm putting my training program together, I'm gonna run a hundred miles.
• 23:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Fuck it, I forget about it.
• 23:41
  Samantha Pruitt: You know what I mean?
• 23:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Totally.
• 23:42
  Samantha Pruitt: But so you won't start a lot of things, so yeah, you can you just need to stay focused on you being your best self, delivering the freaking goods, which is who you are and who you've always been.
• 23:55
  Samantha Pruitt: But yeah, it can get distracting when we focus on just the tangible results.
• 24:01
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and um, I think one of the other high-level things, and we touched upon this a little bit as we were leading up to this, is the people you get to hang around with.
• 24:11
  Polly Mertens: And the cat, like I just like on that last e last weekend, and just seeing people, you know, it was a big Zoom meeting, right?
• 24:18
  Polly Mertens: And just a seeing people that I've known intimately on my team, and then a little distantly in Canada or East Coast or whatever, and seeing the arc of their progress and like how they're talking and the the result, the results of like the things they accomplished through the year.
• 24:33
  Polly Mertens: I was like, wow, wow, just like in awe of the human potential and the human spirit, and like seeing what people are can get up to in a year, you know, and like some people just like last year, like, so how was your year?
• 24:47
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, they just like flipped the page.
• 24:50
  Polly Mertens: Right?
• 24:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Like because they were buying time on their life.
• 24:54
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:55
  Polly Mertens: And like the amount of weekends and nights, and I mean, like I had what are there, maybe 52 Friday nights in a year.
• 25:03
  Polly Mertens: And last year I probably had six of them on my own.
• 25:07
  Polly Mertens: Maybe eight, that I wasn't doing something with the team, you know.
• 25:12
  Polly Mertens: And so it takes something, but I have accomplished a lot.
• 25:16
  Polly Mertens: I have a lot.
• 25:17
  Polly Mertens: Um, and with those people, you know, that are all so into it.
• 25:21
  Polly Mertens: It's just it's remarkable, you know, it's like Olympics of personal development, you know, when you're around those people and the commitment they have and the the you know, it's like iron sharpens iron, you know, like you're just around people who help you sharpen your saw and and you theirs, you know.
• 25:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 25:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, that's a good comparison.
• 25:40
  Samantha Pruitt: You said the Olympics.
• 25:41
  Samantha Pruitt: So think about being in the Olympic village.
• 25:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, you are with the best of the best globally, globally.
• 25:49
  Samantha Pruitt: So this is that on a personal development scale.
• 25:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, you're literally in the personal development Olympic village, hanging out, eating, rubbing elbows, working out, whatever you're all doing, waiting for the big day.
• 26:06
  Polly Mertens: Team USA, yeah.
• 26:07
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm probably exactly exactly.
• 26:09
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, so who doesn't want to be around that?
• 26:12
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, people underestimate the value of who they are surrounding themselves with.
• 26:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 26:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Obviously, you will drop to the lower level if you're around the long people or the wrong people.
• 26:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Everybody kind of has awareness around that, but how elevated you will become around the right people is even more powerful.
• 26:39
  Polly Mertens: What they will hold you to, and what you will hold, you know, you will learn and develop yourself to hold them to, right?
• 26:44
  Polly Mertens: And what you will see them achieve and you will want for yourself, and you know, like these what they'll reflect back to you and what they'll sharpen you with, you know, and all of that.
• 26:54
  Polly Mertens: And it's just it's magical, you know, it's really magical.
• 26:59
  Polly Mertens: Um, and you know, don't sell yourself short.
• 27:02
  Polly Mertens: Like whatever you don't have to do, landmark, get into something, you know, get into something that that grows you because of who you'll discover yourself as and the contribution you can be and you can be contributed to.
• 27:13
  Polly Mertens: It's it's it's remarkable.
• 27:15
  Polly Mertens: So yeah.
• 27:16
  Polly Mertens: Um I want to touch on a couple of the yummy things that are just uniquely landmark in those courses, you know.
• 27:23
  Polly Mertens: And so these courses, the communication courses, the access to power and power to create happen throughout the year, you know, multiple times throughout the year, all over the world, you know.
• 27:32
  Polly Mertens: So, and Zoom, you know, so you can do an Australia, you can whatever.
• 27:36
  Polly Mertens: Um so some of the really cool assignments or core things that I took away, um, and my number one thing I would say, I think it was the access to power.
• 27:47
  Polly Mertens: Um like the core, I don't know, just bumper sticker for me is having love and affinity present in all of one's relationships.
• 27:58
  Samantha Pruitt: What does that mean to you?
• 27:59
  Polly Mertens: Right.
• 28:00
  Polly Mertens: Well, I ask people, what does that mean to you?
• 28:02
  Polly Mertens: But like if I told you a year ago, was I living as if love and affinity was like a core covenant inside my body in all my relationships, I would be lying, you know.
• 28:14
  Polly Mertens: But I'm present to it now, like I mean, in big and small ways, it's so funny.
• 28:22
  Polly Mertens: Like, what I say for the last 20 years, I've known consciousness, meaning I know that we're all love, I know that we're all one, I know, you know, like and in these courses, in weird ways, not necessarily like linearly that do you discover this?
• 28:41
  Polly Mertens: Um, but it's I mean, it's it's surprisingly spiritual, this stuff, you know.
• 28:46
  Polly Mertens: I mean, it's communication courses, but it's surprising, like in the background, you're like, well, if that's true, you know.
• 28:52
  Polly Mertens: And so they like you discover, um, you know, like we're all the same, like we're all human and we're all one spirit energy, right?
• 29:01
  Polly Mertens: So what I do to you, I'm doing to myself, right?
• 29:05
  Polly Mertens: And so if I am talking rudely to a waiter in the restaurant, or if I'm dismissing someone at the airport, or if I'm insulting someone, or bad emails, I'm like, wait a minute, that's me over there.
• 29:21
  Polly Mertens: That's my brother, that's my sister, that's one energy.
• 29:25
  Polly Mertens: Like it's no longer okay.
• 29:30
  Samantha Pruitt: That's intense because if you think about how many hundreds a day, thousands a week, etc., you know, connections we have with another living being.
• 29:40
  Samantha Pruitt: So many touches.
• 29:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Uh-huh.
• 29:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Uh-huh.
• 29:43
  Samantha Pruitt: If you see them as a reflection back on you, as you, as humanity, as part of the one, you know, then oh well, of course, we'd have a completely different world than apparently we're living in at this moment, but it allows you at least the freedom to feel that.
• 30:02
  Samantha Pruitt: And you get to choose in this environment and in this commitment you've made to yourself and to living this kind of life to operate from that place.
• 30:12
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 30:14
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, that alone is worth everything, right?
• 30:19
  Polly Mertens: Talk about a core value adjustment.
• 30:21
  Polly Mertens: Like, I'll tell you, so my core, you know, love and connection is my number two value, health being, you know, because without health and I'm dead, and you know, the hell with love if you're dead, right?
• 30:30
  Polly Mertens: But you know.
• 30:31
  Polly Mertens: But like love, like like just having that imprinted on having discovered that love and affinity in all of one's relations, not necessarily close relationship, but like relation we relate to anyone anywhere, like the harsh things people say on the internet to one another, right?
• 30:51
  Polly Mertens: Or just even sending ill will to a person because they're not in your same political party or they're, you know, doing wrong in the planets, like the amount of um perspective, you know, especially as we step into this year to live, right?
• 31:07
  Polly Mertens: Adding those two together.
• 31:09
  Polly Mertens: So profound.
• 31:14
  Polly Mertens: It's like would I want to spend the next year if it's my last?
• 31:18
  Polly Mertens: Hurting, insulting, leaving any a will.
• 31:26
  Polly Mertens: It's just it's so remarkable to think like, wow, every touch.
• 31:33
  Polly Mertens: You know, and if you you know me in my NDEs, right?
• 31:36
  Polly Mertens: Near death experience studies.
• 31:38
  Polly Mertens: So a lot of them go through this process where they relive their life.
• 31:42
  Polly Mertens: They they get their your your review or their life in review.
• 31:46
  Polly Mertens: And oftentimes what that experience is is not just from their perspective, like, oh, in this relationship and how that you know traumatic event went or whatever, that argument that they had, but they often get it from the perspective of the person that they're with, right?
• 31:59
  Polly Mertens: And like what impact did that have?
• 32:01
  Polly Mertens: Like their judgment or insult, or if they were bullying someone, like what was the impact over there?
• 32:06
  Polly Mertens: And it's like you get to see what it's like.
• 32:08
  Polly Mertens: So, like a year to live.
• 32:11
  Polly Mertens: This is you know, you and I as an expression of human spirit.
• 32:17
  Polly Mertens: Do we wanna how do we want to treat people?
• 32:22
  Polly Mertens: Because we're treating them of ourselves, right?
• 32:25
  Polly Mertens: You know, just because they take a different form and a different shape.
• 32:29
  Polly Mertens: So that's like this.
• 32:30
  Polly Mertens: I don't even know how to package that and explain that to somebody, you know.
• 32:37
  Samantha Pruitt: And I would even double-click on, I was just having this experience today, that's why it's a fresh top of radar, but all these little touch points that you have throughout the day that are just almost non-existent.
• 32:49
  Samantha Pruitt: And they can be non-existent if you don't make eye contact or make connection with the other human in passing, or whatever the dynamic is.
• 32:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Sure, it can be the barista or the, you know, I'm checking out the grocery store and someone's talking on their phone.
• 33:05
  Samantha Pruitt: They're not even acknowledging the person working who is checking their groceries and packing, like that kind of disregard for the human there.
• 33:13
  Samantha Pruitt: Or like today, I was on a trail going up and down this big ass mountain, and it was hard.
• 33:19
  Samantha Pruitt: First of all, it's freaking hot here, and I'm climbing this big mountain.
• 33:22
  Samantha Pruitt: But there was plenty of other people out there with the same crazy idea as me, right?
• 33:25
  Samantha Pruitt: So we're trudging up this mountain and everybody's huffing and puffing or whatever.
• 33:29
  Samantha Pruitt: And um, I could have just put my head down and got in the grind and been focused about doing it, you know, a couple minutes faster or whatever my drama might have been for that moment.
• 33:39
  Samantha Pruitt: But I was like, look at all these people.
• 33:41
  Samantha Pruitt: And I was like, I need to acknowledge every single one of these people who is out here today working to improve their health and fitness.
• 33:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Otherwise, they're not climbing this damn mountain in 80 degree heat.
• 33:54
  Samantha Pruitt: They're just not.
• 33:54
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, those people are on the couch or still in bed, and just like a small acknowledgement of my fellow humans on the trailer, whatever environment you can think of that we're all in every day, all day long.
• 34:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Come on, leverage those.
• 34:09
  Samantha Pruitt: So now for you, you go into this um, not just in all of your relationships with friends and family, etc., coworkers, but like the world.
• 34:19
  Samantha Pruitt: Whoa, look at that beautiful human right there, you know, like it's remarkable to me what people I can't say enough about that.
• 34:32
  Samantha Pruitt: That's that's gotta be the biggest takeaway, right?
• 34:35
  Polly Mertens: And seeing it in the relationship with um the work that I do and the teams that I interact with, and you know, in the past, you know, I've definitely have a high expectation, you know, me and my standards and stuff like that.
• 34:49
  Polly Mertens: And so if somebody's like effing up, or you know, oh, what did they do that for, you know, and how I would deliver or consider the communication to them, let's just say it's different.
• 35:02
  Polly Mertens: Like, like I have no uh battle or bone to pick or whatever that's gonna leave them less than, like whatever is processing in my mind is how do I uplift them?
• 35:14
  Polly Mertens: How do I make them better after this?
• 35:17
  Polly Mertens: How do I create this communication and engage in this communication, not like you're wrong, you have to.
• 35:23
  Polly Mertens: You know, I don't wanna I want them to grow.
• 35:26
  Polly Mertens: Like maybe they need like a clear, you know, this wasn't right and this, but they're not less than after it.
• 35:34
  Polly Mertens: Is that making sense?
• 35:36
  Polly Mertens: Um because that was profound, because in the past or how I've operated, that paradigm wasn't there.
• 35:43
  Polly Mertens: That um, like I would just be like, get work done, like get out of my way.
• 35:48
  Polly Mertens: Like, you know, like let's get some work done.
• 35:50
  Polly Mertens: And if you're not gonna do it, get out of the way and I'll find somebody who will.
• 35:53
  Polly Mertens: I'm not quite that, but you know, definitely not with the sense of like humanity that I have now and care for my fellow human, you know, like and maybe they're not right for that role.
• 36:06
  Polly Mertens: Like, okay, like let's just be clear, but it's not because I'm gonna hurt you.
• 36:12
  Polly Mertens: Like, I'm not out to hurt you.
• 36:14
  Polly Mertens: I'm out to like, hey, if this isn't gonna work, it's just not gonna work.
• 36:16
  Polly Mertens: Go go somewhere where it's gonna work or whatever, you know.
• 36:19
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:20
  Polly Mertens: So that was, yeah, I didn't I it was I didn't realize as I was gonna create that for you, how how big that was.
• 36:27
  Polly Mertens: But yeah, I was just gonna say, like, man, love and affinity in all one's relations is a powerful way to live.
• 36:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Um it's really hard not to, in the world that we live in now and in the environment we're in, not to go around judging yourself and others.
• 36:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 36:42
  Samantha Pruitt: And it's this separateness that has us do that.
• 36:46
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't want to be less than, I don't want to be vulnerable, I don't want to be, you know, in fear, I don't want to, whatever, all the things that we do, right?
• 36:55
  Samantha Pruitt: And so it creates these dysfunctional dynamics, even with people that we love and adore, it creates those kinds of dynamics on a good day when we're on our best behavior.
• 37:07
  Samantha Pruitt: No doubt.
• 37:08
  Samantha Pruitt: So, how are you gonna remember to do this?
• 37:10
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm so curious, these things, these incredible lessons that you have brought into your being after a whole year, they're integrated.
• 37:19
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 37:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Like I got to tattoo shit on my arm because I can't remember things, okay?
• 37:23
  Samantha Pruitt: So I gotta start writing stuff over here next.
• 37:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't know.
• 37:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Because like it's hard to remember on the daily sometimes where we really want to be coming from.
• 37:35
  Samantha Pruitt: I have little notes as I walk out the door, as I walk in my door, like you don't have these little things around to like, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, remind me.
• 37:45
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and I'm and I and this isn't to say, like, this isn't that I'm perfect now.
• 37:48
  Polly Mertens: Like, ding, I'm done.
• 37:50
  Polly Mertens: No, no, no.
• 37:51
  Polly Mertens: I'm never gonna upset somebody, I'm never gonna forget to be loving and kind.
• 37:54
  Polly Mertens: I'm never, you know, like, no, there will be, but I'm aware of it.
• 37:58
  Polly Mertens: Like, I'll know.
• 38:00
  Polly Mertens: Like, no, it's like when you know your core value and you go against it or you consider going against it, you're like, oh no, I'm not okay doing that, right?
• 38:08
  Polly Mertens: So it's that level of training, that level of, you know, recognizing this, like it's very hyper-aware, if you will, right?
• 38:16
  Samantha Pruitt: But there's I would say you feel it in your body.
• 38:19
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 38:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Like now that you have this level of integration and awareness, you will feel it instantly in your own energy, and then even in the connective energy with the other human or the environment or whatever you're in, it'll be like it'll it'll just be there, and you'll be like, whoa, pause, yeah, take a breath.
• 38:37
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I can see this person like I'm I'm diminishing something about this person, or I can feel the energy, all of that.
• 38:43
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 38:44
  Polly Mertens: And it's amazing, even though it's a communication course.
• 38:47
  Polly Mertens: Well, communication is what 90 something percent nonverbal, of course, but yeah, yeah.
• 38:53
  Polly Mertens: But a lot of the communication courses are verbal, you know, like they're teaching you, like, oh, notice what's in your listener, notice what you're saying, blah, blah, blah.
• 39:01
  Polly Mertens: But I will tell you, um, the awareness of the dynamic, you know, the energetic transmission or communication, the energy, um, the presence of that, you know, like that's sort of like going on in the background, you might say, even though what's being spoken or listened and stuff is um coming through words, a whole nother dynamic is happening in the energetic transmission.
• 39:28
  Polly Mertens: So it's really good.
• 39:29
  Polly Mertens: Ah, okay.
• 39:32
  Polly Mertens: So, you know, there's some things here that it's they're just sort of big things to try and explain.
• 39:38
  Polly Mertens: Um, this goes the next one, like this concept, they call it your words creating your world.
• 39:44
  Polly Mertens: Words creating your world, which, you know, if you listen to anything like manifesting and you know, law of attraction and all this stuff, um, it's quite remarkable how little people pay attention to their words.
• 39:59
  Polly Mertens: And and in in this program, we call it how they listen themselves, how they see themselves.
• 40:06
  Polly Mertens: You might like you hear that one more often.
• 40:08
  Polly Mertens: Like how we listen others and how we listen ourselves is the landmark language, which kind of translates to the way I interpret you, like the the things I tell my, like in Tony Robbins, I might have said, like the story I have about this person, or the story I have about myself, like I'm not capable, or you know, like those types of things.
• 40:30
  Polly Mertens: And when words create your world, like what you're speaking is literally you're speaking it into existence.
• 40:36
  Polly Mertens: And the paradigm that we're trained in from upbringing and survival mind and stuff like that, is the world creates me, the world creates my experience, right?
• 40:47
  Polly Mertens: So a lot of people live as if, you know, I hear this in the words um so-and-so made me feel.
• 40:53
  Polly Mertens: He made me, he made me feel nervous or less than or whatever.
• 40:59
  Polly Mertens: It's like, nope, it's actually not how it's happening.
• 41:03
  Polly Mertens: It's actually not how it's happening.
• 41:05
  Polly Mertens: It's I'm surprised.
• 41:06
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, right.
• 41:08
  Polly Mertens: And so, what is what are my words creating about this experience?
• 41:12
  Polly Mertens: Because there's just what's so out here.
• 41:13
  Polly Mertens: Like that's just what happened, or so-and-so.
• 41:15
  Polly Mertens: That those words came out of that person's mouth.
• 41:18
  Polly Mertens: But what you're saying about it, right?
• 41:20
  Polly Mertens: The words that you speak about that or your thoughts, the story you might tell yourself, that's creating the world that you're living in and how you're responding to it, right?
• 41:29
  Polly Mertens: And a lot of the communication courses themselves is teaching something where they say, like, notice what's in your listening and drop in, or like notice what paradigm or the thought you have or the story you're telling yourself about the situation, because you're responding to that, like the meaning that you're making up about like he made me feel bad.
• 41:48
  Polly Mertens: No, what you told yourself made you feel bad.
• 41:51
  Polly Mertens: Like you saying that that person insulted you, that's where the dynamic actually exists.
• 41:57
  Polly Mertens: The words that you're using to create the story of what happened, right?
• 42:02
  Samantha Pruitt: And how many times you walk into a room, a conversation, an email, a text, whatever, already contriving in your head about what's gonna happen.
• 42:16
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, I'm gonna say this and they're gonna say that, and da-da-da-da-da.
• 42:20
  Samantha Pruitt: And you basically are just it's like walking on stage, creating the play.
• 42:25
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, you're just literally now you're just an actor in the play and just letting it all sort of play out as you've contrived in your head, right?
• 42:33
  Samantha Pruitt: Rather than just showing up with no intention, with an openness, and then listening and being able to respond or partake in whatever the communication is in a completely different way, from a different place, really.
• 42:50
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, it's it this is where the fine-tuning of landmark language is hard to quite translate, but um it they call it coming from nothing, right?
• 42:59
  Polly Mertens: And it's difficult for a human being to come from nothing, right?
• 43:03
  Polly Mertens: Because guess what?
• 43:04
  Polly Mertens: We have a thought, boom, you're you're in a paradigm.
• 43:07
  Samantha Pruitt: You're already like even when I'm asleep, I couldn't do it.
• 43:09
  Samantha Pruitt: Come from my weird dreams.
• 43:11
  Polly Mertens: Ah yeah, so it's training.
• 43:13
  Polly Mertens: Like we got a lot of training and like coming from, I'm not saying imperfect, but like noticing, like notice what's there.
• 43:19
  Polly Mertens: Okay.
• 43:19
  Polly Mertens: Like if I have an agitation or if I have some feeling in my body, either during the interaction or leading up to it.
• 43:26
  Polly Mertens: Like this was showing up for me quite a bit when um, let's just call I had to do cold calling, right?
• 43:31
  Polly Mertens: Like I wanted to invite people to my event and I had to call them, right?
• 43:34
  Polly Mertens: People maybe I didn't talk to well.
• 43:35
  Polly Mertens: All this stuff about like what are they gonna say and I was like, I had to get to nothing and just be like, just call, just making a phone call.
• 43:44
  Polly Mertens: I'm just gonna go have a communication with somebody, right?
• 43:48
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, like whoa, it was it's pretty incredible.
• 43:51
  Polly Mertens: So, like noticing what's in your listening and then giving it up because um, and how much gets effed up in communication when it's not verbal, like texting, emails, like hearsay, all that stuff.
• 44:04
  Polly Mertens: Dude, all I can say is uh I get on the phone way more.
• 44:09
  Polly Mertens: Like, oh, like um, I was coaching a gal this morning and she's like, Yeah.
• 44:13
  Polly Mertens: So she had to let someone go, and I for think she did it by email or something.
• 44:19
  Polly Mertens: Like a text and an email, and I was like, So have you?
• 44:22
  Polly Mertens: And she's like, Well, I don't know.
• 44:23
  Polly Mertens: You know, he hasn't responded.
• 44:24
  Polly Mertens: I was like, Well, have you had a conversation with him?
• 44:26
  Polly Mertens: Uh no, I actually have get on the phone and clear some stuff up.
• 44:32
  Polly Mertens: Like all this like drifting stuff that lives in nowhere land, right?
• 44:37
  Polly Mertens: Because it's not cleared, done, committed, decided, finished, whatever.
• 44:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, if it's not it does live on as a burden, it's such a huge mental and emotional burden.
• 44:49
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, we just keep throwing stuff in the bag and putting it over our shoulder.
• 44:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, we'll just see if that resolves itself later.
• 44:58
  Polly Mertens: What the hell?
• 44:59
  Polly Mertens: This blitz, like the part of the start of the courses is like, where in your life, like you have to make this list of like who in your life did you used to have love and affinity with and you don't now?
• 45:10
  Polly Mertens: Oops, and you're like, oh shit.
• 45:12
  Polly Mertens: Oops, these like unended relationships that are just sort of like in like, well, haven't why haven't you talked to them?
• 45:19
  Polly Mertens: Oh well, we had this little falling out, or I haven't talked to them in years about this.
• 45:23
  Polly Mertens: And it's like, okay, well, sort that shit out, you know, like get some clarity, even if it's yeah, we agreed to disagree or whatever.
• 45:31
  Polly Mertens: And it was remarkable the comebacks of people bringing people back into their life where they thought it had ended.
• 45:39
  Polly Mertens: Like somebody got their dad back, got their sister back, recreated this whole thing.
• 45:43
  Polly Mertens: It was just like amazing.
• 45:46
  Polly Mertens: The I mean, like this one gal was on a quest to find a family.
• 45:51
  Polly Mertens: So she was looking for her, she was a foster child, and uh, you know, a lot of all this dramatic stuff happened as a child, and you know, her um, she got separated from her brother, natural-born brother, and she's like, I'm gonna go on a quest to find her brother.
• 46:04
  Polly Mertens: So has still hasn't found him.
• 46:06
  Polly Mertens: This was like, you know, like looking for him, whatever genealogy, having people help her and stuff.
• 46:11
  Polly Mertens: Comes to find her mom, makes contact with her mom, has a phone call.
• 46:16
  Polly Mertens: Her mom flies out, she hasn't seen her since she was given up for whatever.
• 46:20
  Polly Mertens: Her mom wants to have a relationship with her because she went on this journey to recreate some.
• 46:25
  Polly Mertens: I was like, I mean, and there's like all sorts of that that happens in this part, not to say that like you have to do that, but um man, we're like half, we have these half-started relationships where, you know, and I've reached out to a few people, like one person that, you know, kind of cut me out of their life.
• 46:42
  Polly Mertens: And so I've done some outreach trying to recreate and just see if that person wants to, but I'm complete over here, you know.
• 46:47
  Polly Mertens: Like, yeah, but how many incompletions do we have in our life?
• 46:52
  Polly Mertens: You know, that God, where is it weighing on us?
• 46:55
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 46:55
  Samantha Pruitt: You're not doing it with an expectation of how it's gonna go, you're doing it to get complete within yourself, yeah, to be clear.
• 47:02
  Samantha Pruitt: So by the way, when you're doing a year to live, you can leave unfinished business.
• 47:09
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, nope.
• 47:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, handled.
• 47:12
  Samantha Pruitt: All those things handled.
• 47:14
  Polly Mertens: Totally.
• 47:14
  Polly Mertens: Who are the people, you know, like part of the homework I think you have is like who are the people you would, if you had six weeks to live, who would be on your list to like get complete with, right?
• 47:22
  Polly Mertens: Like, okay, we'll talk to those people, you know, and this isn't the frank the same dynamic, but it's like, where is love and affinity not present in your relationships?
• 47:31
  Polly Mertens: Where are you strained, or where are you holding on to something, or they're holding on to something?
• 47:35
  Polly Mertens: Like, come to nothing from the conversation, see what needs, and I'm not gonna go too much into this because this would be a whole dynamic, but um, one of the most powerful tools that they teach is something they call it recreation, but sort of like empathetic listening, right?
• 47:51
  Polly Mertens: It's getting out, so they teach how um how much they call it the already-always paradigm for communication, which is all this programming shit that we have and how we get built over time that has us look at the world as a one of the paradigms is we have it that par communication comes as a threat.
• 48:12
  Polly Mertens: All communication, not even kidding, communication comes as a threat, and we're like dodging it, or what do I have to do here?
• 48:19
  Polly Mertens: So, what that leads to is justifying, protecting, controlling, convincing, fixing, all this maneuvering, right?
• 48:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Like defensive tactics, armor up with, yeah, yeah.
• 48:30
  Polly Mertens: We we armor up with all this stuff.
• 48:32
  Polly Mertens: And it's like if you just come from nothing and you just want love and affinity present, you go over and you be with that person, and whatever upset is there for them, it's pretty remarkable.
• 48:43
  Polly Mertens: It's hard to explain how it works, but when that person gets gotten, when they really feel seen and heard, it's like a dissolving inside of them, like they don't have to hold on to it anymore because it got it got received by another person.
• 48:57
  Polly Mertens: Like, oh my God, that's how you've been feeling.
• 49:00
  Polly Mertens: Okay.
• 49:00
  Polly Mertens: I even if you don't agree with it, whatever.
• 49:02
  Polly Mertens: But you get out of you and you go over there and you get in what's over them, because we're all one, right?
• 49:07
  Polly Mertens: It's like, oh wow, I didn't get that.
• 49:09
  Polly Mertens: That's how that left you, or whatever.
• 49:12
  Polly Mertens: And it's amazing where I'm so grateful to have this tool now, because it's so valuable, so available.
• 49:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, and it's not a tool, it's a whole toolbox of I mean, it's it's a it's a distinction, we call it.
• 49:29
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, a distinction called recreation, which is a way of being with people that doesn't have us in this paradigm of you know, like communication is a threat.
• 49:38
  Polly Mertens: Like, even if it's like somebody that you have disagreements with often, it's like you set yours down and go, what's up over there?
• 49:46
  Polly Mertens: You know, so I can understand you.
• 49:48
  Polly Mertens: You missed diplomat, you're the most diplomatic person I know.
• 49:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Because you go and get in other words, you get in other people's worlds and you understand, like even though I want to ring a lot of necks, I'm really I do, but yes, I try to make that happen on a regular basis.
• 50:04
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, because you you allow yourself to go and get in their perspective, like what how are they seeing things?
• 50:09
  Polly Mertens: Like, oh, if that were happening to me and I saw it through that way, okay, I get it.
• 50:14
  Polly Mertens: I get it.
• 50:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 50:16
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, it's a lot of these are Buddhist philosophies, you know.
• 50:19
  Samantha Pruitt: You had like compassion, all these things are coming up when you're talking.
• 50:22
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm thinking of all these, um, you know, like the meta, unconditional, you know, all the different things.
• 50:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Here's the thing: let's circle back on this personal development and the call to action around really telling anyone who will listen to us, because we're sold on it, obviously.
• 50:41
  Samantha Pruitt: There's so many different types of personal development, right?
• 50:45
  Samantha Pruitt: But at the core of it, and when I say that, I mean like genres of it, types, flavors, energy, body, you know, body, yeah, totally psychedelics, whatever.
• 50:56
  Samantha Pruitt: But but it at the root of all of it is the human wanting to be on the path.
• 51:05
  Samantha Pruitt: So when you talk about your awakening at that age, that young age that you were when in the first landmark experience you had, and I think of like I had a series of awakenings as a young person, then a young adult.
• 51:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Like how I felt about it in my experiences, once I woke up, I couldn't go back to sleep.
• 51:22
  Samantha Pruitt: I couldn't stop seeing it, I couldn't stop hearing it, I couldn't stop continuing on the path over the entire course of the rest of my life up until this age.
• 51:32
  Samantha Pruitt: But sometimes I'm doing it very slowly or I'm taking a break, sometimes I'm doing it more aggressively, you know what I'm saying?
• 51:38
  Samantha Pruitt: And in different types of personal development, depending on just kind of where I'm at and what is speaking to me.
• 51:45
  Samantha Pruitt: But for the person who maybe is new to this and hasn't woken up yet, that's one thing.
• 51:53
  Samantha Pruitt: But I feel like anyone who gets this podcast into their ears is already awake.
• 51:58
  Samantha Pruitt: So there's no not knowing now that where you are going is a natural direction that you can be in charge of, right?
• 52:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Taking ownership of your life, taking agency over your life.
• 52:12
  Samantha Pruitt: And how could they best explore what kind of personal development might be good for them?
• 52:19
  Samantha Pruitt: Or how can they sort of seek this out without sending them in one direction or the other?
• 52:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, where do you even get started?
• 52:28
  Polly Mertens: One of the first things that comes up for me is I want to say, like, who do you admire?
• 52:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, are there people in your life that not idolized and not stock on social media?
• 52:40
  Samantha Pruitt: You mean really who do you respect?
• 52:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Who do you respect?
• 52:45
  Polly Mertens: Like, for example, if I if I was having shitty relationships with men or something like that, right?
• 52:52
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, man, I really want to be in a good partnership and relationship.
• 52:56
  Polly Mertens: I would look to the women in my life that are having good relationships, you know, and I'd be like, I admire how you are with your your spouse, you know.
• 53:04
  Polly Mertens: Like I had that I stayed with a friend of one of my teammates down in LA.
• 53:09
  Polly Mertens: His relationship with his wife was remarkable.
• 53:13
  Polly Mertens: I mean, they were remarkable people.
• 53:15
  Polly Mertens: Like, you know it when you're around it, right?
• 53:17
  Polly Mertens: He did S like in the 60s, whatever.
• 53:20
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 53:21
  Polly Mertens: So he's like a baby, right?
• 53:22
  Polly Mertens: La la la.
• 53:23
  Polly Mertens: And I was just like, you just know when you're in the presence of some remarkable people, right?
• 53:28
  Polly Mertens: So it's like, what are you doing over there?
• 53:31
  Polly Mertens: You know, like, like, how'd you get that way?
• 53:33
  Polly Mertens: Or, you know, just like ask them for their either life lessons or what what have they found along their path?
• 53:41
  Polly Mertens: You know, like, like you and I, um, you know, some of my fascination with tarot or crystals or you know, sound and near death or whatever.
• 53:49
  Polly Mertens: It's like, who's doing that stuff?
• 53:52
  Polly Mertens: You know, look around.
• 53:53
  Polly Mertens: And maybe your friends have done some of it, or you can find just a journey, like just go down a little road to see what interests you.
• 54:01
  Polly Mertens: And and I promise you, if you have the heart, your heart's in the right place, like you'll find it, you know, like you'll come across it, you know, just like we've gone around the world and doing the things, and you walk into a totally new town, and all of a sudden you meet like the most amazing people, you're like, Oh, because they're everywhere, right?
• 54:18
  Polly Mertens: So if your heart's in the place like, nah, I really want to learn this or study this or grow in this, or just like I said, looking at remarkable people in your life, and then how'd you how'd you get to be so remarkable?
• 54:30
  Polly Mertens: You know, and I tell you, you just scratch a little bit of the surface.
• 54:33
  Polly Mertens: There's probably some personal development they've done and they've gotten up to something, right?
• 54:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, yeah, exactly.
• 54:38
  Samantha Pruitt: And if there's a values alignment, you know, if the way they're living their life um speaks to you, to your value system, it resonates, there's a shared resonance vibration there, then go after that conversation and find out.
• 54:55
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, how did you become the person that you are, or what is the path that you're on now?
• 55:00
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, I mean, obviously, I'm studying Buddhism for last year and I'm doing this now, uh, your live course, but um, people will ask me, and I'm sure they ask you about landmark, like what are the things you're up to right now?
• 55:11
  Samantha Pruitt: Because you seem very curious and full of life, and like you're on a path doing something over there.
• 55:17
  Samantha Pruitt: What are you doing?
• 55:18
  Samantha Pruitt: Right, just be ask people.
• 55:20
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:21
  Polly Mertens: And I think it would be um a an honoring conversation for that person.
• 55:25
  Polly Mertens: Like you would be like, Wow, I really honor you and acknowledge you.
• 55:29
  Polly Mertens: Like, I just think you're crushing it over there in this whatever, and I want to grow in that area, you know.
• 55:35
  Polly Mertens: Just like if it was a skill, like if you met somebody that's a really good cook and you're like, wow, how'd you get to be such a good cook?
• 55:40
  Polly Mertens: They'd probably be honored to hear that you thought that about them.
• 55:43
  Polly Mertens: And then B, they'd probably be more than happy to tell you what they've learned and how they how they got like, oh, I read this cookbook, or I studied this class, or I followed this, or I got some coaching over here, or whatever that looks like.
• 55:56
  Samantha Pruitt: So yeah, people who are into personal development do not subscribe to a scarcity model, yeah.
• 56:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, of happiness and love and joy and satisfaction and curiosity.
• 56:07
  Samantha Pruitt: There's no scary, yeah, exactly.
• 56:09
  Samantha Pruitt: We sprinkle it.
• 56:11
  Samantha Pruitt: We're about the pixie dust, okay, people?
• 56:14
  Samantha Pruitt: And it just keeps raining down.
• 56:16
  Polly Mertens: Totally.
• 56:16
  Polly Mertens: Well, and 10 to 1, if you're listening to any podcast like ours or any out there, those people they spill it, you know, they'll they'll end the conversation, they're talking about where they got it somehow.
• 56:27
  Polly Mertens: Like, oh, I like you, like I've studied Buddhism for the last year.
• 56:30
  Polly Mertens: Okay, Buddhism.
• 56:31
  Polly Mertens: That's interesting.
• 56:32
  Polly Mertens: What I could learn from over there, right?
• 56:34
  Polly Mertens: Or me with the near-death experiences.
• 56:36
  Polly Mertens: That's open my eyes, or I'm an Abraham Hicks fan, or Wayne Dyer, whatever, landmark, you know.
• 56:41
  Polly Mertens: So it's like lots to choose from.
• 56:44
  Polly Mertens: Um, you know, I've just been at this for a while, but I think, you know, you don't have to scratch very far inside of a life that's being well lived, or somebody that you seem to admire, or has a trait or something about them that they they seem to be modeling, or something that you could learn from and see how they got it.
• 57:00
  Samantha Pruitt: You know what a big thing that just popped up for me when you were describing all that is not being resistant.
• 57:07
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm speaking to myself and about myself now, or closed off to new things.
• 57:13
  Samantha Pruitt: So I'll just speak like from an athletic vantage point in my health and fitness goals, you know, have continued to evolve.
• 57:21
  Samantha Pruitt: And then I got injured and then I had to come back from that, and you know, I'm postmenopausal, whatever.
• 57:26
  Samantha Pruitt: So things keep changing.
• 57:28
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm still an athlete, but how I do my athletics now and set my fitness and athletic and adventure goals are different.
• 57:36
  Samantha Pruitt: And so I need to be open to and have been exploring other options, other opportunities, other possibilities, other science, other experts, other people to inspire me to continue on the path, right?
• 57:52
  Samantha Pruitt: But if I had been closed off and kind of hunkered down in this good enough, or I'm the expert of, or whatever all story I might have told myself, which was a bunch of bullshit, I would not be able to continue very long on the path that I'm on.
• 58:11
  Samantha Pruitt: I would be setting myself up for closure, shrinking, a retraction rather than a growth mindset.
• 58:17
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I would say two things.
• 58:19
  Polly Mertens: One never settle and two never get curious.
• 58:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Never.
• 58:23
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, like like you could have, yeah, I mean, uh you could not have settled for the pain that you're in, right?
• 58:28
  Polly Mertens: But like however, you're, you know, if you're bumping up against whatever, right?
• 58:31
  Polly Mertens: Relationship, health, money, whatever, like never settle, like never settle, and then get curious, like, oh, I wonder what, right?
• 58:41
  Polly Mertens: And just look for mentors, lessons, guides out there, right?
• 58:46
  Polly Mertens: So, and one of the things I I thought when you were saying, like, all this work that you know we've discovered, it's like, and all the teachings and whatever, but it's like life brings it to us, you know, like the lessons we're meant to get, like it's just more of life showing up, and it's like, oh, what's there to discover in this, you know, pile of shit?
• 59:04
  Polly Mertens: Or you know, what yeah, you thought you had that figured out?
• 59:07
  Polly Mertens: Psych Totally, totally.
• 59:12
  Polly Mertens: And so whether you're in a life's good and I want to grow, or man, I'm suffering, or I'm stuck, or I've you know, hit a plateau, or things aren't working, right?
• 59:23
  Polly Mertens: Suffer fest, whatever this level that is, don't settle for it, right?
• 59:27
  Polly Mertens: Like, like what's possible, and then get curious, like, hmm, who's got you know, who's got some answers here?
• 59:33
  Polly Mertens: And and one of the huge things that I don't even know how to say translate this to people who aren't in it, but like um inside of team, one of our covenants is always be in communication, always be in communication.
• 59:49
  Polly Mertens: So how that like like how that would show up, a our minds want to keep us small and and like over here and smallism and withdrawal and all that stuff, right?
• 1:00:01
  Polly Mertens: Right, like so.
• 1:00:01
  Polly Mertens: If you're feeling that, like be in communicate, like get out of it, and even communicate that I'm wanting to be out of communication, right?
• 1:00:07
  Polly Mertens: Like, hey, you know, my mind's telling me like I'm done, or whatever.
• 1:00:11
  Polly Mertens: And like just being in communication, you we get so much from the transference and the listening and like we're hearing ourselves speak and stuff.
• 1:00:20
  Polly Mertens: So I don't know who you have in your life, and if you don't, like start attracting it and getting, but like I think one of the greatest um tragedies that we're seeing is how many people are on a phone in a text world, in a in a trapped in a world that is not in communication, and it's creating huge swaths of all sorts of not goodness, whatever you want to call it, but silos, isolation.
• 1:00:49
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 1:00:49
  Polly Mertens: So being in communication, you know, we have therapists to go to or coaches or whatever, but like just talking to the people in your life instead of a text message, or you're too busy for this, or your children, or your spouse, or whatever.
• 1:01:04
  Polly Mertens: Like, I can't stress enough, like be in communication.
• 1:01:08
  Polly Mertens: It's remarkable just that alone, what you discover, like you know, like hey, I'm wanting to pull away, or hey, I'm over I'm not doing good over here, whatever.
• 1:01:19
  Polly Mertens: And like, let people support you in that.
• 1:01:22
  Polly Mertens: And it makes a difference of who you have in your life, of course.
• 1:01:26
  Polly Mertens: You know, I'm not saying like talk to everybody about your communication, but like have quality people in your life that you know, like if I I mean I've called you times when I'm just like in a doldrum, you know, even as coaches.
• 1:01:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, what the hell?
• 1:01:43
  Polly Mertens: Knock me off the ledge, yeah.
• 1:01:45
  Polly Mertens: So those are those are I hope I've trans trans uh transferred some of what I got out of this, and there's more, and there's more, and I'm still gonna be unpacking it.
• 1:01:57
  Polly Mertens: And you and I on this journey of a year to live, I can't wait for us to continue to unpack that on top of this.
• 1:02:04
  Polly Mertens: Like, you guys, it's blowing my mind each week.
• 1:02:07
  Polly Mertens: Um, and I'm not even in like you're in the program and have your weekly meetings and stuff like that, but just listening to the books, the audio books, and the awareness, like putting telling, I'm telling people like I'm I'm in this program you're to live.
• 1:02:20
  Polly Mertens: It's blowing my mind, and having that communication keeps it alive for me.
• 1:02:24
  Samantha Pruitt: So and they go, What?
• 1:02:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Who would want that as a consideration?
• 1:02:30
  Polly Mertens: Yes.
• 1:02:30
  Polly Mertens: I'm telling you, like it's the next uh yeah, everybody needs to do that, of course, too.
• 1:02:35
  Samantha Pruitt: It kind of does make me want to run off to the mountains, and I'm gonna do that a little bit, but I can't do it 100%.
• 1:02:42
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:43
  Polly Mertens: So oh, this is okay, lady.
• 1:02:45
  Samantha Pruitt: This was good.
• 1:02:46
  Samantha Pruitt: Thanks for sharing all of that.
• 1:02:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Appreciate you.
• 1:02:49
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I think my one point, if you if I summed all this up, is um well, I think I have two.
• 1:02:56
  Polly Mertens: One is like surround yourself with beautiful souls, right?
• 1:03:00
  Polly Mertens: And all souls are beautiful, and people that that sharpen your, you know, sharpen your saw and and iron sharpens iron type of thing.
• 1:03:08
  Polly Mertens: And I think that last thing, like be in communication, like like so much of life can be sorted out, worked out, whatever's going on in your mind, fears, doubts, upsets, be in communication.
• 1:03:20
  Polly Mertens: So those are my two.
• 1:03:21
  Polly Mertens: So all right.
• 1:03:23
  Polly Mertens: What do we want to close with, my dear?
• 1:03:25
  Samantha Pruitt: We want to remind people the used, how your life feels is more important than how it looks.
• 1:03:31
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 1:03:31
  Polly Mertens: And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.