Latest / You Minding Your Own Business / Episode 59- My Pre-conversation With Mike Dejong About Building Businesses and Owners Withdraw.

Transcript

Episode 59- My Pre-conversation With Mike Dejong About Building Businesses and Owners Withdraw. · You Minding Your Own Business

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, mister Mike, tell me about you your journey and
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: how you get to this place where you are now
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: where you're helping people through their own healing, whether it's financial, relationships, emotional.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: How did you get there?
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: So we have what an hour to talk? Is that right?
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Answer that one question?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Well it goes, Hey, whatever you want to tell me,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: and so we do the ask your podcast. Yeah, all right.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Well, most recently I've been in I owned several nothing
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: buncake franchises, and you know, this story kind of started
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: decades before that, but I was I opened my first
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: one and I was killing it, and then I was dying,
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: like I could not work enough hours in the day,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: there was not enough hours in the week. I was like,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I just couldn't figure it out. And I came from
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: an engineering and aviation background, so I'm like, how can
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I not figure this out?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, I need to bring in some help or something.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: So I did that. Finally got on my first.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Vacation when I went down to Mexico and I was
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: in Wisconsin and it snowed one too many times. I'm like,
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: I need some sunshine. And there's palm trees and there's
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Bob Marley playing and I just get off the plane
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: and my phone rings and it's my manager, who I
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: hired to handle everything right because I was burned out.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I was done, and she was amazing. She was She
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: did she ran the place barre and I did. And
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I thought, oh my god, she's only going.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: To call if the place burned down. The place must
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: have burned down. She's like, no, I'm letting you know.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I'm quitting. And I look back at you know, everything
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: is a journey. Everything we did in our life, it
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: gets us to where we are. But that was the
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: turning point for me where I said, I need to
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: figure out, figure out my life and uh, because you know,
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I had kids about to go into college, and like,
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I had all these employees counting on me. So it's
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: not like I just close the business. So it's only
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: one hundred and sixty eight hours in the week. So
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, let's uh, let's get this, let's
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: get this nailed down. So I started looking really introspectively.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: I started found a coach wasn't a very good one.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: That's okay, you got to start somewhere, and started putting
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: systems in place and processes in place and testing and testing,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: and started taking other little vacations and things would break
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: when I was gone, so I'd fix that, and then
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I take a little longer one, and some things a
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: break when I was gone from that one, I'd take
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: a little longer one, And eventually I was able to
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: scale to four locations in that state. Then I started
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: opening in other states and buying them in other states,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: but I was doing it completely remotely. I moved out
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: of Wisconsin and moved to Virginia to be with my
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: dream woman old guy who I'm still with, and I'm
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: running all this remotely. And then I started informally coaching
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: and people. And it's amazing how business and relationships and
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: personal it's all the same stuff, right. It's kind of
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: crazy how it's all the same stuff. But I was
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: helping people, like in some of them in the franchise
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: world mostly, and then some people I would just meet
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: and you know, you kind of jibe with people like
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: I can help you with that, and they're like, why
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: are you not coaching people for a living? Why are
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: you not doing like talking on stages and spreading this
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: love around because that's where your real talent lies. And
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I resisted for a long time and eventually said, Okay,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: you people, you're right. You're right at the universe. The
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: universe is funny first at whispers right, and then it
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: kind of bangs up the side of the head, and
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I wanted to get there before it dropped the brick
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: on me. So here we are talking on this podcast
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: on how I escape what I call the operator trap,
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: which is all that hard work that got us to
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: where we were, is the exact things could keep us
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: from get to the next step, whether that's professionally or personally.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I would never have thought about it that way because
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: when I lost my job in January of this year
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: and my dad passed away in February, thank you, And
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: you know the way it happened. He walked in the backyard,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I was looking at something and then he just passed
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: out and then he isn't here. And when we were
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: going through the house and everything, there was no will
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: and testament. My dad was an ex Vietnam vet retiree,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: so it was like, what are we gonna do? You know,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: he was like the last time I spoke to him,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: he said, I want to make sure you're not in debt,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: that you're not responsible for anything that I have. And
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: when they were asking us about who is going to
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: be his his administrator on the estate, we went and
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: talked to them. They said, you really don't need one,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: and I was like, what do you mean? They said,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: because he didn't have enough unless you want to take
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: on his debt. Because she said, whoever steps into that,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: you're gonna have to pay whatever it is that's left.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Do you really want to come and we said no,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: So then now it's just the house and what we're
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: going to do as far as the house, They said,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: we can keep it in his name, pay it off,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: leave it as it is, and leave it alone. We said, well,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: we're going to leave alone. And I don't understand why
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: someone would want to put somebody else's debt onto someone
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: else that has nothing to do with it, you know,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: because what that person didn't leave enough to pay off
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: all of their debts, you know, then what and so
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: we don't talk about that from that perspective of you know,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: people say, you leave, you ch out a legacy, you
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: leave your child, a house, a car, but you're not
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: telling them about the student loans. You're not telling them
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: about the mortgage debt. You're not telling them about the
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: loans that you got before they passed away. You know,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: my dad did not tell us how sick he was.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Do I think that he knew he was dying. I
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: think he knew, but did he tell us no? And
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: the month before he died, before I left and went
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: home in January eleventh, I said, Daddy, you need to
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: have a willing testament. You need to have something that
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: let us know who's responsible for what. That way we
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: know you know what needs to be done, and if
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: you died right before we got ready to do that.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And so, because things are so unpredictable, I always say
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: that even even with child, a person in a twenties,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: they still need to have a will and testament. They
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: still need to have that. Even if they're eighteen sixteen,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: you still need to have something in place where they're protected.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: You are right, But so many, so many of us,
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: and I used to put myself in this category right
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: now have the will and testament and trust and all
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: that stuff set up. And that's the whole other story.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: But it's because we don't want to as a society
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: talk about death. It's something we don't want to look at.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: We're so far removed from it a few generations ago,
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: and we're all on the farm. You saw it every day,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: you know, you had to go slaughter the chicken or
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: the cow or whatever for dinner. And it was just
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: the natural cycle of life, where babies came from and
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: where people went or animals went. At the end, that
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: was that was just living. And now we are so
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: far removed from it that it just freaks us up.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I agree. And it's just like when I went to
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: hospital and I remember that I almost died because I
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: had a gall blooded that was infected, and they said,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: if you didn't come in, you'd have been dead. And
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I think about people that go to the gym every day.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I think about people that eat right every day and
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: they're still dying. And I mean when you think about
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: you know that thing when you said you were overwhelmed,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: and I think that's a kind of death as well.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: When you have people that go to work. A lady
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: died at her office. She worked every day, no time off,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: and I'm saying, I'm anna take time off. I'm take
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: time off. She died and then three weeks later her
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: job was in the on. Indeed, when the guy from
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: the UAC when he died from United health Care. Yeah, President,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: his job was posted the next day.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: My grandfather used to say, and I didn't understand this
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: term until I was in my forties, So I hopefully
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: people are smarter than me. Used to say, Mike, you
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: know you're working hard is important, but the cemetery is
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: full of irreplaceable people. H And that that didn't stick
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: with me because I was always like, I got to
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: make myself irreplaceable every job I was at before I
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: started working for myself, I got to make myself irreplaceable. Yeah,
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: everyone dies and that person gets replaced.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: And it's the same thing that's going on right now
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: with people losing their jobs now and an AI coming
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: into play. And I asked myself, did these people think
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: about the fact that AI doesn't need clothes, they don't
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: need shoes, So you're gonna have thing this these AI
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: work and robots work for you, but they're not gonna
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: buy anything. What exactly is a robot gonna need that
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: it's gonna have to pay for electricity, Well, electricity, yeah,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: but yeah, maintenance, But what about groceries and clothing and
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: all of those things that basically essentially restaurants. They're not
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: gonna need those things. You're gonna need somebody to basically steal.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Make sure those robots are working correctly, and you know
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: that they're gonna do their job. And you know, I
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: remember when my grandmother told me, she said, you're only
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: supposed to work until you learn how to do something
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: of your own. And said, what do you mean by that?
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: She said, do you know? Jobs were only created for
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: you to be able to build something up your own.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And see when I was living in Germany, and this
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: is how I know that the United States takes a
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: lot of things from other countries. Germany. When you went
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: to school, you graduated in junior high. High school was
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: technical school.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: College was if you wanted to be a doctor, lawyer,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: business or whatever. You had three things you had to
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: choose that you went to school for while you were
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: in high school. Then they put you in a technical
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: where you go through the staffing companies. The staffing companies
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: would put you in where you're needed. You did not
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: have to go through an interview, You just went in.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: You may have been like a meet a greet where
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: you sat down with a person, but that was the
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: day that you started. It was no going through an application.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: You just placed there. Now you did your I would
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: say interview the day you started, because you got to
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: meet the person, You got to talk to the person.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: They told you what you're gonna be preparing for. You
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: worked for ninety days to one hundred and eighty days,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: and then they decide whether they were going to keep you,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: and then they keeped you, and then you transitioned in
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and then you learn every single role of that job,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: which is how it used to be because the whole
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: point was to be a manager for you to learn.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: It's just like franchising, and you have people getting into franchising.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Nine times out of ten they came from a manager
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: position and now they wanted to be having their own
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: because they learned everything that came with that that particular position.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: And the ones that actually came from when they worked
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: every position are better better owners than the ones that
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: never did it at all, never knew anything about the business,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: and then they're just telling people what to do.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there tends to be three I call them three
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: main business archetypes. Like there's a lot of different leaders
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: titles out there. You know, you get your charismatic leader
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: and your bureaucratic leader and your whatever. But in business,
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: I call them the GSD. You know, they get stuff
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: done person. And that's the person I think you're describing
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: the most, and that is most people that go into business,
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: usually into a franchise, but into any business. Then you
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: got your architect. They're the ones that like to build
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: the systems and the processes. Some people transition to their
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: own business if they're good at that, but not many.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: And then you got to call them your hunter, and
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: that's your one that likes to go do the marketing
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: and the sales and close the deals. But most of
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: the people are that GSD. They're just used to like
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: they did this job. They know how to do this
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: job better than anybody, and they're gonna they're gonna go
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: start doing it for themselves, especially in franchising, because it's
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: already a proven system. But what what stops them from
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: being super like and I'll make you pretty successful. Like
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: I did a pretty good job. My first couple of years,
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I was killing it. I was like, really, my ego
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: was like up here, I'm like look at me. I
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: knew I could do this taking on the world. And
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: then I got kind of stuck because those other two
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: skills that I was talking about, I didn't really have those,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: and anyone I tried to hire to do that those roles,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I hired a little mini me, so they didn't know
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: how to do that, and until I figured out which
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: parts were missing and then hire someone that I didn't like.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: You know, marketers speak a different language from engineers, speak
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: a different language from architect Like it's just and they're
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: saying words, and I'm like, I don't know what you're saying,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: but your resume says you're really good at this. How
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: about I just let you go do it. And that's
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: where I started growing again, and I was able to
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: bring in multiple locations AI, like you're talking about AI robots.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I have a contrary but and I know it's a
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: contrary position. The most to what we're seeing in social media.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: I think we're going to get more job growth in
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: the next ten years than we've ever had. I think
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: people are going to look inside and said I like
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: to do fill in the blank. And the barrier to
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: entry is so low now, like you don't need to
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: spend thousands or millions of dollars anymore. You just need
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: a laptop or your phone and an idea and know
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: how to do something that you're good at, and you
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: could change that into your own little micro job right
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: in your neighborhood or your city. Like I'm not saying
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: we're going to get thousands and thousands of SpaceX's and
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Tesla's and ibms and stuff, but I think we're going
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: to get more what used to be hobby businesses. They're
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: going to be real businesses where people will make enough
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: to not just survive, but thrive and really do what
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: your grandma said. It's like, you learned enough until you
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: know how to do something, and then you go do it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: It's just going to be easier for people now with
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: the advent of AI. That's a contrarian position. I get
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: that most people like AI is going to take our
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: jobs and we're screwed.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Maybe, But they also said that about the computer revolution
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: and that created more jobs. And they said that about
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: the industri revolution and that created more jobs. And you
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: go back in history that that period of the turmoil, though,
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: oh that's hard. US doesn't do that well, never has.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, you lost your job as a whatever, Yeah,
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: well figured it out. That's that part that part sucks. Yeah,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: that part is no good. But the difference again between
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: those last ones and this one is in the Industrial Revolution,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: like if you didn't know how to run a lathe
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: or something like, you're you're screwed. In the computer revolution,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: if you didn't know how to write code or build
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: a website or be a webmaster, Like a webmaster wasn't
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: a turn in nineteen seventy, you know what you said?
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Web masters would be like you're gonna make spider webs
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: and master them? What the heck's wrong with you? You know,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: like I think AI is going to be. The difference
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: with AI is you could go ask AI. It's like, hey,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: I got this, this this, this is what I do,
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: This is what I like, this is what I've been
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: doing the last ten years. Here's a copy of my resume.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Here's what my friends say, Here's what my grandma says,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Here's what my dad used to say about me. Here's
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: where I live. Here's a type of car I drive,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Like you can just put everything you got into there.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: It's like, what should I do? It'll be like, hey,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I think you'd be good at podcasting. I make a shitup,
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Like all right, good, how do I make money from that. Well,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: you could do this, and you could do that, and
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: you could do this, and you're like, all right, well
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: make me a plan and then we'll start building a
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: plan for you. You could just turn it on its ear
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: instead of like going, oh my god, it's going to
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: take my job, use it to create a job.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I agree, And I think that's true because even in coaching,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: it's becoming bigger and bigger now than before. And why
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I think coaching is important is because coaching is the
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: bridge between the actual professionals like medical and the people
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: that are the therapists. So I said, well, therapists, they're
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: only there to listen, they're only there two basically hear
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: your side, whereas a coach is like, okay, I get
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: all of that, but what are you going to do
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to change it?
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: What action teams? These one or two things that come
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: back to me, tell me how they went.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's more, Yeah, it's more. So Okay, now you're
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: going through depression. Now what do you want to do
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: to get out of it? What do you want to
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: do to actually change it? And I'm and do I
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: think that healing coaches do? I think health coaches do?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I think wellness coaches holistic coaching needs to be in
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: the medical field. I absolutely do, because if you combine
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: the people that are doing and I always say to me,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: therapists are no different than the people that do the evaluations.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: They the one that diagnose everything. Where a coach comes in.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: We take those diagnoses, like my son has autism, and
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: when we took him to get diagnosed, we went to
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: a doctor, and we went to a therapist. We went
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: to all of these different doctors, and then they said, okay,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: he's autistic. Okay, well what type of autism does have?
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: So then I was like, well, where is the person
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: that's gonna make my son ask to do the actions?
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: As far as how to live with us, there isn't any.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: And I said, that's funny because you have people down syndrome,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: people with ADHD. How do these people physically learn how
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: to live with us? How do we teach them? You know?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I had people in daycare that didn't know how to
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: deal with these kids, and they was like, well, how
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: do you deal with them? I said, because I have
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: one at home? I said, I have one at home?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Did I got to deal with every day? That the
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: first thing that I thought of was consequence to reap
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: because of karma. I said, you know, well, autism, I said,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: with children with disabilities, it's not about what they can't do.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: It's not about telling them you're autistic. It's about you
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: saying okay, you have this, but that doesn't define who
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: you are. And people say, well, you don't use labels anymore. Yeah,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I don't, I said, because the minute you start to
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: believe that label, you become that label. Is it like
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: when you work at your job. If you're a coder,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: then that is your job and even though that's your job,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: that now becomes your identity because that is what you do.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Because tell people, you can say all day long, I'm
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: a medical biller, and I'm like, but I'm also a
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: credential specialist, are specialist, I'm all of these different things.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not just a biller. But if I just centered
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: on that, that would be the only job that I do.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: And some people say, well, which one do you get
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: paid for? I said, right now, I get paid for
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I was receivable. I don't get paid for every sector
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: of billing that I do. I mean, if I said
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I was a motivational speaker, do you get paid for that,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: not the moment. I don't. But if you look at
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Tony Robbins, he gets paid for all of these different things.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: It's a difference between Okay, if I just said, okay,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: my son is autistic, then that is the only thing
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: he's gonna know. But if I said, but if you
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: ask me, who is he? I said, well, he's a
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: kid that's sweet, kind, compassionate, likes to play video games,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: he likes to play basketball. He likes to read. He
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: likes to watch his Little Disney and be happy. He
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: likes to travel, he likes to see the world. Because
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: we had just did an evaluation, and when we were
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: doing evaluation, they said, what about his medical stuff? I said, well,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: we're still working on the thing with his breast and
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: stuff like that. And somebody asked me, They said, well,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: how did you raise your son? I said, I first
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: started with consequence and repercussions and he was nonvertbal And
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: they said, well, how did you communicate with him? I said,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I would talk. I would keep saying stuff over and
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: over and over again. And then I started letting him
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: watch stuff and he just started talking. Had nothing to
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: do with me. He just he was sitting there watching
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Barney one day and saw it every day and the
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: next thing I know, he was singing, I love you, you
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: love me, and I'm like complete sentences. So I said,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: the minute that you put something on somebody, that person
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: automatically thinks that's what they are. And I tell, I
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: told somebody, if you keep saying I'm ugly. Every day
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: you're saying I'm ugly, and I keep saying, no, I'm
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: not ugly, I'm not ugly. But the more you keep
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: breaking my spirit and you keep breaking my self esteem,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: self work, and self value more and more than more
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: than one person continues to say it, then I'm gonna
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: start wait, wait, wait a minute. Am I ugly? Am
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I fat? Am I? This? Am I that? And and
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: then you break and then you say, well, maybe I
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: am fit, maybe I am this.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: It's only an insult if you believe.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: It exactly exactly.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: If you don't believe, it doesn't matter. And to your
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: point on labels, I mean, woo, I get that one.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I was labeled with dyslexia. Your son has a severe
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: case of dyslexia. Mike, you are severely dyslexic. Okay, that's
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: why you suck at math? That's why you suck at this,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: That's why you suck at English, That's why you suck
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: at all these things. But what they don't tell you
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: is it's actually superpower. And I think that's true for
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: autism in all its forms. And ADHD is you don't
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: conform to the so called norm. What is norm? We
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: can have a two hour discussion on that. You see
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: the world differently. And oh, by the way, I figured
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: out how to do math good enough to begin an
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: engineering degree. And my English teacher who told me I
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: can't spell a word, you know, I wrote three books.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: You could overcome these things because you just got to say, like, okay,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: I'm different and that and that happened for me about
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: ooh fifteen ish years ago. I woke up one day
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: and said, everyone's saying this about me. How can I
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: make this a positive? And I realized I don't see
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: the world the way you see it? Okay? What does
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: that mean? I need to see things that you don't see. Okay,
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: if you don't see him that way, what's what can
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: I do?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Maybe I could, Maybe I could monetize that if they
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: don't see this thing happen over here, But I do
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: and I think it's an opportunity I could I could
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: get on that, or I could or I could brand
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: something a certain way or talk to people in a
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: different a different way than there used to being talk
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: to because I'm not talking like a norm. It really happened.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: And then I started looking for other people doing the
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: same thing. And some of the smartest, best entrepreneurs out
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: there all have been diagnosed with ADHD or dyslexia or
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: or some other label that's been put on them. They
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: just figured out a way that like said, great, now
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: it's a superpower. M you know, that's my that's my cape,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: and I'm gonna go fly. And I feel I could
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: be the same for your son. It sounds like you're
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: already doing that for him.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I am. And I say, because we were talking
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: about dating and his workers said, well, he doesn't really
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: talk to girls, I said, well, that's kind of my fault,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: and she was like, what do you mean. I said,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: we kept him differing from girls because we didn't want
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: anything to happen, But now we want him to start
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: interacting with both parts. But I said, do I think
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: he needs a counselor to be able to walk him
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: through that yes, so when she walks him through that
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: as far as the conversation that me, being the parent,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I have to take the action. And I tell people
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: when it comes to education, I can say my son
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: at school all day, but if I don't come home
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: and say what did you learn today? Oh? I learned
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: about France? Well what did you learn about friends? What
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: did you learn? Tell me what you learn? Matter of fact,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: go in there and write a paper. People don't think
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: that they can't make their children write a paper about
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: what they learned at school. And I was like, you
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: know what, that's one of the things that I I
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: if he would have not been autistic, that I would
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: have done. I would have said, well, since you claim
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: you learned so much a school, do a two page
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: paper and tell me everything that you did at school today.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: And I sit down and I read it and and it.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: He came to me and said, well, mommy, I like
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: this girl. Will write me a paper. What is that
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: you like about her? And then tell me what you
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: like about her? My child saying I want to go
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: to the movies. You want to go to the movies with?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Who give me the parents information? Are they going to
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: be home? Me contacting their parents and making sure they're
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: going to be home before you walk out their door.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was just one of those things where
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: he taught me a different way of being a parent
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: because it was more and so like, Okay, if you're
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: gonna do something, then we need to discuss why you're
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: doing it, what the consequence is real, because the karma
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: is of that And do you now think that you
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: should do it after now researching it yourself? And I
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: understand that giving your children, you know, you you protecting them,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah you should. If there's a physical type of violence
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: to it, then yes, yeah, but you're not gonna be
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: there when they make these decisions. You're not gonna be
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: there when they're influence. And it's no different than when
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you work a job. You have a manager that is
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: your parent, you have you know, the CEO, which is
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: the owner of everything, and you have to do your job.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, the same way they tell
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: you when it comes to you going into an office
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: and saying, well is the reason you're getting a raised,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: This is why you're not getting a raised. These are
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: the things you need to work on. These are the
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: things that you need to improve in I think our
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: children should be no different because that way, when they
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: get into the job, they're like, Okay, I don't like
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: I think. Somebody asked me what is your weakness? I said,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I don't have one, and they said, what, I don't
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: have one? They said, what do you mean? I said,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: if I looked at everything as a weakness, I would
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: never do it. And they said, what do you mean?
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I said, I could never be a better person if
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: you told me what my weakness is. I said, but
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: if you said what do I need to improve on,
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: then I can tell you plenty. But you tell me
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: that I'm weak at something, it's like you get up
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: there and you're gonna fly in a plane. Fear. That's
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: the first thing that's gonna come to my mind is fear.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: And then I'm not gonna want to do it because
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: of that weakness. If you keep telling me I'm not
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: gonna be I'm not good enough and I'm not worthy,
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: and I don't have one person telling me that I'm enough,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do it. And then I'm self sabotaging
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: myself and I'm saying I'm not going to do it.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And that's why when it came to saying he was autistic.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I said no, I said, because the minute I put
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: him on medications, the minute that I let the system
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: be the one to raise him, then he's going to
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: be another statistic. And I said, I'm not going to
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: do that. I said, I'm not putting him on no medication.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: I said, I'll work on the behavior, and I did.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: He came in the next day. I hold it a
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: child and said, what did you do? I said, I
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: took his PlayStation out of his room. And that's all
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: you did. I said, consequences. I said, it was just that,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: I said. I said, I'm his parent, i am not
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: his friend. I'm his therapist. I'm the person that drives
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: him everywhere, I'm the chef, I am everything. But I said,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I am the person that is his confidante. But I'm
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: not his friend. They said, what do you mean a confidant?
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Can I also be a friend? But it's not where
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: it's going to be the disrespect of you gonna talk
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: to me any kind of way. There's still that parental
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: thing there. But I'd rather be your confidant than be
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: your friend. And that's just the way I raised him.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: So now when he come to me, and say, mommy,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: and my feelings are hurt. Okay, are your feelings hurt
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: because you did something wrong in their consequences that you
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: want to deal with, or is your feelings hurt because
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: we said some to you that hurt your feelings? He
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: said no, because you said this. I said, Well, the
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: reason I said what I said because you did something
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: that scared the daylights out of me and I thought
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: someone's gonna happen to m So that's how I raised
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: him that way.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we got too many helicopter parents out there. I
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: used to joke when you go my kids have food
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: allergies and you have to go to the teacher and
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: go through the whole thing, like here's their rappipen and
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: this is what they could eat and this is what
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: they can't eat. And I remember sitting behind one of
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: the parents who had similar, you know, situation, and it
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: was a half an hour list of everything they should do,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: and the teacher had to do this, the teacher had
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: to do that, the teacher had to do the next thing,
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: and then it was my turn. I'm like, here's the EpiPen.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: If they have a question about anything they could eat,
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: they'll ask you here's a bag of oreos in case
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: there's something brought in they can't eat. This is safe
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: for them. Any questions. And the teacher looks at me,
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: like what that's it. I'm like, they got to live
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: with this their whole life, Like, it's not up to
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: you to keep them safe. It's up to them to
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: keep themselves safe. They know what to do.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Was it?
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: And that was it? Yeah, I joke, I was. I wasn't.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: I might fly helicopters, but I'm not a helicopter parent,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: And that's true. And and and people was like, well,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't even know he's autistic, I said, because he
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: doesn't know. I said, we know, but he doesn't, I said,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing I love. And that's the thing
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I said. When they said my son was getting suspended,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I said, suspended for what? And they said, well, he
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: hit it. He hit it. He had a kid. I said,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: why did he hit him for? And so the teacher said, no,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: he was protecting me. The child was trying to hit me.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: He was trying to defend me, and they were trying
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: to suspend him. And I told him what happened. And
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I'm just letting you know what happened. I said, okay,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: it's okay. I said, is he hurt? He said yeah.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: I said, okay, as long as he's not. Long as
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: he's not hurt, I said, I'm fine. I mean, and
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: that's the thing, even when a child bad him and
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: they told me what happened, I said, is he okay?
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: He said yeah. I said, is there like any skin?
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: They said no. She said, but before you get upset,
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: let me tell you the child's story. Before you get upset.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: She told me the child was adopted and that the
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: mother the child was taken from CPS, and some things
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: happened to the child and the home, and she's now
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: living with a father. And she's suggesting and with autism
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: with with girls is different than it is in boys.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: It's more severe, you see it. And I said, okay, well,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: just let the father know that it's quite okay. I
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: get it. You know, this child has been it's just
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: coming into his life. And I said, as long as
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: she's okay, as long as he sits down with her
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: and has a conversation, as long as my son is fine,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with it. I'm not just gonna react because
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: something like that happens. Sometimes there is a backstory, and
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I want to hear the backstory before I decide how
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: I'm going to react, because I always say, with negativity
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: there is no winning. I don't care if you walk away.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: I don't care if you cut somebody out. I don't
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: care if you put your hands on them. It's never
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: gonna end well at all. It just doesn't. So there's
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: no point of trying to even get yourself involved. If
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: you can avoid negativity, like the plague, meaning if you
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: can just say, well, you know what, that's how you feel,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: you walk away. And even if you walk away, that's
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: not gonna make them happy. They're not. They're gonna keep pushing.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: If you react, they're gonna play victim. So either way
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: it go. The only thing you can do is just say, lord,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: just just let me get through this, let me get
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: to my car, or make sure that I'm right near
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: my car, so when they say something, I can finally
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: just say, you might want to back up because you
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: don't want to get hit. Because and I'm recording, So
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: if you try to say that I ran over your foot,
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I have recorded me telling you to move. I have
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: recorded of you. Have you harassing me. So I don't
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: really need to say nothing at this point because you're
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: not gonna play victim, so I just take That's why
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: I love the forty eight Laws of Power because it
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: taught me so much of how to deal with the
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: world and negativity and saying, you know what, it's okay,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: because maybe this ain't where I need to be. If
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: you're not accepted and you're not chosen, then I don't
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: want to be a part of it. If it's not both,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be accepted or not chosen, and
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be chosen and not accepted.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I just don't mm hmmm hmm. Different worldview, that's for sure.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: It is. And I mean having a child with a
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: disability will definitely teach you that. And that's when people
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: ask me when I go to interviews. They said, how
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: do you see things? I said, have a child with autism.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: I said, you're going to realize everybody mind is different, everybody,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: this way of thinking is different. And I said, once
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: you understand, because some people, I could say, did you
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: go through something as a kid, Is that why you're
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: attacking me? Did you do this? This? Why this is
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: going on? And I said, by the time you get finished,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: that person has to face themselves. And sometimes that person
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: can go from being the abused to being the abuser.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: So even in the workplace when I was a manager,
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: that's how I dealt with it. And I would tell
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: you know, people, I was like, look, when you're dealing
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: with customers, you don't know what they're dealing with. You
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: don't know what at home they're dealing with. And this
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: was military, and we had a lot of military wives
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: coming in disrespecting us because their husband was who he was.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: And I remember there was one They used to come
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: in every day to have lunch, and I always gave
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: him extra food. And so when his wife came in,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: she thought she could talk to me any kind of way,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: and her husband did not know. Well, she didn't know
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: that I knew her husband, and so she tried to
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: get me fired. And so the husband the very next
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: day brought her up there and said, now, what did
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I tell you that you need to do to this woman?
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: And so she came and she apologized to me, and
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: he said, let me tell you something. He said, what
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: if I didn't know this woman, He said, every day,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: this woman feeds me extra she don't have to. This
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: woman when I have a bad day, always makes me
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: laugh every time she every time she see me, she said,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: every time I bring the kids in, she's always made
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: sure that we were to bowling extra game. So for
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: you to come in here and disrespect this woman after
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: this woman not only is good to me, but good
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: to all of my soldiers and good to our children.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: You have a lot of nerves because you don't know
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: who someone is. So for you to sit there and
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: blatantly disrespect somebody, you are wrong. And he said, no,
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: she's not losing her job because she does works hard
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: every day to help us that in here every day
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: that are going through military issues, us coming through PTSD.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: So don't sit there and come after this woman's job
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: because you had a bad day, or because you think
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: because you're a commander's wife that you have the right
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: to speak to somebody in the wrong way. And she
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: was pure to embarrassed. Never did it again, though, And
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: sometimes it takes that. So even with the wife of
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: someone like yourself as a CEO, I tell people you
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: represent your husband, you represent that brand because you're married
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: to that person. So when you come into a place
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: in their workplace, or if you see it, you don't
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: know if an employee works for that company. You don't
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: know because they're in regular clothes. So I always tell people,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: you know, you don't know who's going to do once.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: So I always say respect is something that's very important
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: even for managers, because managers do the same thing. You know,
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: you have to respect your employees because without them, if
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: they don't do their job, then it doesn't really make
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: a difference.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: That's true, yeah, one hundred percent.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: So I definitely want to talk about that from that
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: perspective because I think there is a lack of communication
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: between the employers, meaning the CEOs, and the employees. Because
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: when they had undercover bosses and they actually worked in
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: those companies, they got to see how these employees were treated.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: They got to see it. And I really wish more
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: employers would do more CEOs would do that, go to
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: each state that they have a company and really go
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: undercover or send somebody to go undercover for them to
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: see how their businesses brant are rand whether it's Walmart,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: whether it's Wherever.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: To s, secret shoppers even yeah.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: To see how they're being ranmed, to see how the
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: schedules are to see how some of these employees are overworked.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: So I think it's something that definitely needs to be
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: talked about because mental health and having that work life
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: balance is important. I think that's extremely important.
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, whatever that looks like to you or each individual,
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: I guess I should say, I don't want to put
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: my balance onto you, and you shouldn't put yours on
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: to me. We all have a different version of what
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: that is. It's when we try to point the finger
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: or at someone say your life's out of balance, and
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: and if maybe it's not, maybe they're they're great, Like
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do more of that other thing
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: you're telling me to do because that makes me miserable.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: So like in my case, I love what I do
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: and I'll work all the time. And you know, when
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: my kids are in town because mine are in their
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: twenties now, like I don't work, and I'll go spend
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: time with them because they they grace me with their
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: presence and I'm happy to spend time with them and
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: I have the luxury to do that the way I've
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: set up my life. But a lot of people point
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: the finger and you go, you got a horrible work
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: life balance. Like all you do is work. It's like, well, no,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I I get my exercise in and then I do
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: my work, and then I gets go for a walk,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: and then I spend time with my girlfriend, and then
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: I work some more and she works some more because
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: she likes working, and like we're like, we couldn't be happier.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: But to the other, yeah, to the outside, pointing the
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: finger in, it's like, well, you got to spend more
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: time with family or how come you're not doing more
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: you know, fill in the blank. It's like, because that's
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: not what balance looks like to me. That's why I
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: always say work life balance when I hear that, it's
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: got to be what's right for you as an individual. Yeah,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: you know, and it is different for everyone, every one
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: of the companies. When I had employees, I still have
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: one unit and we have the same policy there. I
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: had more, like I recently sold them. After ninety days,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: you got a week's vacation and it wasn't labeled as
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: vacation or sick or whatever. It's just like we called
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: it personal days. Like you know, you just need a day,
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: just because you need a day, Just take a day,
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: need half a day, Take a half a day, like
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: and why ninety days. I'd give it to people when
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: they first got there, but it takes sixty to ninety
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: days to see if if were a fit. Both ways, yeah,
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: I give a lot of loving on people, but they
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: don't always give it back. So it's got to be
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: a two way street.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: You know exactly. And I think balance and jobs are important.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I think it is important to have that structure. But
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: then for your people that actually are working, because I
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: tell people, without the people that are building what you're building,
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: it means nothing anybody. You know, you're letting people go,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: and you're just letting people go. But then when it
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: gets to a point where people saying, well I don't
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: want to work anymore, you know, if they turn around
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: and say, well now we want workers, workers are like,
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I'm a content creator, I'm a travel agent. I'm now
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: doing what I love. Why would I want to go
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: back to work? And I think that's what they're going
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: to come across. Like you said, it's going to be
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: more and more jobs where people are going to be
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: doing what they love. Whether it's fashion, they're going to
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: be doing their passions, whether it's writing a book. Because
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: now with social media, you can reach intonational wealth. So
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: back in the day it wasn't like that. You couldn't
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: reach overseas people. Now you can go set up your
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: own book, get a website on wigs and create a
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: whole yeah website where you're selling your products. You have
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: you know, teach and Kajava where you can create your courses,
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: and now you have places where you can now teach
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: and get paid to teach through your curriculums now. So
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: now there's so many different ways that people can make money. Yeah.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And if Wix is overwhelming, go to someplace like
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: lovable dot dev and just talk to it say I
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: want a website that looks like this and I want
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: these colors, and it builds it for you automatically. You
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: don't even have to not the wicks is hard to use.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: I've used it, but for some people it is, so
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: it's even gotten easier. This is what I'm saying. AI
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: can actually help people even more if they're just asking
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: what to do, how do I use you? No, you're
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: you're it's it's it's so interesting. I had I bought
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: a location that was underperforming, and I'm like, I could
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: turn this place around and for the first month I
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: owned it, I didn't go to it because I had
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: other commitments. And then I went. I finally went there,
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: and within a week everyone quick Wow, everyone but one person.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: And that was really disheartening because I'm thinking, like I'm
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a good person, Like I'm actually easy to work for.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: A call any of my prior employees, call the people
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: that work for me now, like I've got people who
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: have been with me for nine ten years, Like, like,
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: what's going on? So where I'm going with this is
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: sometimes whether it's in the work relationship or a personal relationship,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: we make these stories up in our head and and
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: someone becomes the monster or or or change happens, and
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: sometimes change has to happen. Change is good changes. Let
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: me rephrase that change is always happening. The only constant
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: in life is change. And people don't like that, and
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: I mean it really hurt the manager there. I gave
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: her a car and and like we're gonna like do
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: all this, We're gonna learn, like I've been doing this
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: a long time and you want to learn, Yeah, great,
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna teach you. And then quit with a note
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: on my desk over a weekend. Wow, because because I
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: was too hard on the people. And being too hard
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: on the people was hey, I need you to wash
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: your hands after you touch your phone. No one talks
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: to me like that. I didn't yell at you. I
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: just asked you politely to wash your hands after touching
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: your phone. We're in food service and there's a million
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: germs on your phone. Can you please do that for me?
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: That's disrespectful. I quit, okay, And then I didn't have
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: a lot of I should have had more empathy, I
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: admit that, but I have a lot of empathy. I'm like, wow,
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: that was disrespectful to me. Okay, well who It just
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: snowballed from there and I'm like, oh my god, what's
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: going on here? But I'll tell you what. That one
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: guy stayed and we built a new team and the
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: place is killing it now. And their story was this
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: place will never be good. This place sucks. It's in
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: a horrible location, this brand is terrible. It doesn't matter
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: what you do, nothing's going to be good here. It's
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: all up here. And I wish they would have stayed.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I really do. To this day. It hurts me. I
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: wish they would have stayed and been part of it
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: and seen it, but they already made up this story.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: And that leads me to this, Like I call it
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: the ascent protocol. All of our lives, all of our
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: lives are led through stories. We all make up stories
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: so that we could fit the world into our worldview.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: So as little babies, it doesn't matter if you're an
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: artistic baby, a dyslexic baby, a so called normal baby, whatever,
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: they're just happy. They're just joyful, right unless they go
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: to full diaper or they're hungry. Babies are looking at
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: the wall, giggling and thinking like life is pretty cool.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: They're just always happy. And then we teach them not
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: to be. And there's a lot of different ways we
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: do that. We don't need to get into that, but
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: I just want you to understand we start in a
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: joyful state and then in life things happen. The things
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: that happen are the facts, all right. The fact is
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: the sun came up in the east and it went
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: down in the west. Some people argue that, but like
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: it's you know, there's facts. We make up stories around
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: those facts, and that's where we start getting unhappy. The
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: story when that place left is like, well, it doesn't
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: matter what he does, he's just gonna screw us over anyway.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: You know, this guy's coming in here and he doesn't care,
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: and we're just gonna quit because it's like, screw him.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: And now they're regretting it.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: Well, maybe maybe they don't even know who I am.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: Like that happened so long ago. I don't know. They're
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: looking back and regretting it. And that's that's that's neither
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: here nor there. But the fact was I bought the place,
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: and the fact was we needed to change. The story
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: could have been, Hey, we got this great opportunity to
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: learn something, let's figure that out. Instead of the story
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what happens is going to suck. It's
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: a different story. It's how, you know, how we're dealing
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: with people. You're talking about dealing with different people in
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: different situations. You know, the fact is this thing just happened.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: The story is let's look you know, you're saying, let's
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: look at the backstory, let's look at what happened to them.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: Or the story could be I want immediate consequences for
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: that action without having any understanding of what happened. Yeah,
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: and because our brain's like wired to save calories, so
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: we we we short circuit it, and we have these
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: patterns and we just make these stories if we could
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: short circuit the story in whatever is not serving us well.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: And there's a lot of things in my life, and
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: I'm sure in yours and your listeners there's things we
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: do say react to, like I don't like the word,
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: but get triggered by like in the moment, we have
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: a chance to make a different story, and and I say,
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: start small. You know, the one I started with was
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: I used to I used to hate it and off
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: in traffic? Why are you so much more important than me?
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: How come you get to put my life in jeopardy,
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: my kid's life in jeopardy. How come you're slowing down
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: the traffic by weaving in and out? You're a crazy
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: all the stuff. I need to change that because my
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: blood pressure goes up, you know, and I'm not driving
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: as good as I should, and this is a dangerous
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: situation for me and my family. I should change this.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: After I learned this process, said why don't I try
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: a new story? And the next time that happened and
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: went us so, oh wait a second, No, the new story,
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: I decided I'm going to make up. Is I hope
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: you make it to your your mother's hospital bed before
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: she passes. Yeah, and now that's automatic for me. And
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: when it happens. Sometimes I'll be driving along, I'll get
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: cut off and I'll start crying because I'm like, oh
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: my god, I hope you make it because I rewired
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: a new story into my brain and that was the
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: first one I did, and then I look at other ones,
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: and then the process becomes easier, not not obvious. Every
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: time my girlfriend Olga, she stills like, is that a
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: story you're in that you're telling right now? Okay, yeah,
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: let me let me stop, Let's let's have a conversation here.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: You're right, I probably don't have all the facts, and
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: I'm making up a story. But if you're gonna make
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: up a story, make up a good one. And everything
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: in our life is a story. We're telling stories right now.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: M h.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: We're communicating through stories. I agree, So just make up
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: a better story. It's it's really that simple. He's gonna remember,
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: I'm supposed to be joyful, and if I'm not, I'm
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: probably got a bad story. How can I make a
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: better story? And there's people that use that. Oh god,
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: I can't think of his whole name something. Frankly, he
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: wrote a book about surviving the Holocaust, Victor Frankel, because
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: he just had a better story and he got all
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: the way through it. And you read other stories of
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: horrible things that happen to people in the past or
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: even now in the world, and the ones that get
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: through it are the ones that have that positive story.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: How am I going to get to his place of
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: joy because going to a negative place isn't helping me.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: Very true, But it's just training our brains. We've got
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: to train our brains.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Oh hard, right, yeah, And I think that all goes
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: back to when you do. I think self esteem also
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: plays a part too, because our self esteems have been
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: broken for so long. And I tell people, it's not
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: about what you obtain, it's about what you maintain. And
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: I think that's important because you can obtain anything, is
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: what can you maintain? And then if you maintain it,
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: is it something that you need to maintain or do
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: you need to let it go. I always tell people
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: I don't like the prefix r E and people say why,
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: I said, because yeah, I'm well aware that I'm redoing something.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: But if I'm not doing it from a new perspective,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: then it doesn't matter, because the only way I can
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: get to the next step is if I do it,
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: and I do it from a new perspective into words,
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: and then I can go to the next.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: Step and then at least keep doing it. Yeah.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I can keep doing it all day long.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: But the question is going to be do I want
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: to redo it? And if I'm going to do this,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: how am I going to do it? How am I
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: going to go about doing it where I can get
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: to the next step? And I always say, once you
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: get to the light of the end of the tunnel,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: once you get out of rock bottom. It's like somebody
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: asked me. They said, when you go down the red pill,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: do what you go down the blue pill? I said,
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: the blue pill? And they was like why, I said,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: do you really think I want to go through all
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: that destruction? I said, if you look at the matrix
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: and you look at the fourth one, and you remember
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: the last thing that he said, He said, I went
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: through all of this and it wasn't even necessary. He said,
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: I could have saved her without even having to go
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: through all of this. And he said, and he told
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: he told him he said, I will never go through
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: this again. This would be the last time I go
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: through this, because there should be no reason why I
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: have to go back through this, considering the fact I
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: already am at the light, meaning he found Trinity, he
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: found her, So why do I need to go through
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: anything else? And I think that is the part that
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: we're missing. Okay, you hit the light at the end
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: of the tunnel, but yet you're now back at rock bottom.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: Why didn't you stay at the light at the end
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: of the tunnel, because instead of you enjoying that peace
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: and that tranquility, instead of you just saying, okay, I
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: see things for what they are, and now I have
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: to decide whether I want to deal with it, whether
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with it, and if I don't,
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: or do why? I said, I always tell people the
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: most important question is why and how? And people said,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: why are those two the most important? I said, because
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: how are you going to do it? And why? And
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: what is the purpose of you doing it? So the who,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: what went, and where that's only the people that's going
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: to add to whatever it is and the day or
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: time that is going to be done, But the how
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: and why are important because those are the actions and
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: behavior that's going to make it happen.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Well, I mostly agree with you. I'm going to take
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: it a step further though. Okay, if you have a
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: strong enough why, you can get stuck in the tyranny
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: of how or how we'll just figure itself out. If
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: you have a strong enough why. If the why is
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: because I was told to or because it's Tuesday and
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: we always do that, yeah, you pretty much got to
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: dictate the how. But if the why is because I
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: want to end suffering in the world or homelessness, or
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: like I'm pulling out some bigger causes on purpose, there
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: is no right how. There's a lot of house, and
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: the house will make themselves shown and you just got
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: to go with them, because you can get stuck in
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: the tyranny of house, how are we going to do that?
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: And you can just get in the spiral and then
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: never take action. Yeah, so why the thing is, Yeah,
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: it's taken action.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, So why should be basically the first question that
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: you ask, and then everything else will fall into the place,
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: because once you figure out what the purpose is, now
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: it's how do you get to that purpose? How do
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: you get to that journey where. So once you figure
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: out why, then the how and the what well pretty
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: much be the reasoning behind.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying it's not work, but it's you mentioned
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: Tony Robbins earlier. You know, an example that he gives is,
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: you know, he when he was a young man, you know,
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: someone came to the door at Thanksgiving and fed them
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: for Thanksgiving and he thought that was an amazing thing.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: So as soon as he had a little bit of money,
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: he fed two families himself, and the next year four families,
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: and you know, then he got people to help him,
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: and then he's got a found foundation. And then he
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: had a goal. I'm gonna I'm going to serve a
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: billion meals and I'm going to do it in ten years.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: And he didn't know how he was going to do it,
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: but he figured out how to do it. And then
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: he's like, all right, you know what, now I'm going
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: to serve ten billion meals in ten years. And I
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: think I don't remember the latest statistic, but he's most
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: of the way there after two or three because he
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: didn't get stuck in the how. And the how gets
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: easier the further you get into something, because you know,
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: when we when we first go to school, we don't
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: know what one plus one is. And by the time
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: you're done with high school you probably got a little
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: algebra into your geometry and stuff. Maybe never use it
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: again in your life, but you but you know it.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: But if you didn't learn what one plus one is
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: back in the day, you never would have got there,
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: you know. So so sometimes just knowing and his deep
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: why was like he remembers being hungry. Yeah, members on
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: the holidays have enoughing and and the pain that he
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: felt was enough. I'm speaking for him, but I've heard
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: him talk about this, and I'm sure people can look
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: it up online and and and check me on it.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: But he's just like, I cannot stand world suffering. I
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: cannot stand hungry people. I got to fix this. That's
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: a pretty deep why. And then how just getting kept
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: getting easier and easier and user But he's very clear
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: is if I would have sat down and said, how
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: am I going to feed a billion people, he goes,
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: I'd still be figuring it out. So so yeah, just
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: don't get stuck. How is important, but why is way
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: more important. In my opinion. Who am I I'm just
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: a guy.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: I think that's more or less now where I'm at too,
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: and I think this conversation is very important, and continuing
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: this conversation is going to be very important because, like
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: I said, you know, this is why I do things
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: this way. And I had a lot of people said
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: I I went back and listened to my pre conversation
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: that you posted, and they was like, I never thought
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: had somebody have a conversation where it was just a conversation.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: There wasn't no questions being sent, it was just a conversation.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: I said, those are the most authentic because I could
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: get eon musk all day and you can give me
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: bells and whistles, but they're not knowing you. They're not
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: knowing your real thoughts and who you truly are before
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: we even get into what you do. Because these the
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: person can say, okay, well I heard this person conversation
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: and now I can't wait to hear they're healing and
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: how they're helping people. And a lot of people were
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: in shop they was like, I never had somebody need
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: two parts. I say, well, it makes sense because if
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: you're trying to do an interview or a conversation and
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: you're trying to put all of that into one, you're
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: still not getting everything. And it's like with a celebrity.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: If I was taught to Cardi B and Cardi B
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: didn't have no makeup on and we had this conversation
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: and I posted it, a lot of people would have
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: been like, she ain't got no makeup home, She's having
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: a real conversation. I didn't know. My artist was like this,
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: You're seeing them as a human being instead of them
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: being made up. So when I thought about it, I said, well,
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: if I do this podcast, I want to do it
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: from two sides. I want to see the person when
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: they're not in their business type of form, and then
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: who they are when they are, to see if they're
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: the same person, to see if they are because if
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to sell somebody's products, I need to know
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: who you are. Because the guy from McDonald's was one
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: that really resonated for me when he did not eat
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: that sandwich. You're making sandwiches that you don't even make,
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: that you don't even eat. You're selling something to people
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: that you don't even use. So that's how I got
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: to that doing these conversations like that. Yeah, So I'm
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: really looking forward to doing this with you, and I'm
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: doing the closet conversation and I'm going to post this one,
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: but I will send you the links so we can
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: actually have this conversation and really go more in depth,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: because I think that that balance and really the why
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: as far as what we do as far as we
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: go to college when we're in high school, what do
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: we want to be? It's like, what do we want
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: to be when we grow up? And that's where I
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: want to go.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: With this because I'm still trying to figure that out,
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: and that's why I'm on career number at least four,
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: maybe five exactly, So.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: I really want to go from that direction because that's
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: what kids are told that they're supposed to know what
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: they want to be when they grow up. And taking
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: it back to that Germany where Okay, why is it
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: in high school that high schools now technical school? Why
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: is it that college is not just college? You know?
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: Why do we really need to change the whole structure
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: of the employment as a whole, Because even for you,
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: like you said, as a CEO, you had the you
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: know where you were exhausted. Seventy CEOs work eighteen sixteen.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: Hours a day, seven days a week.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: Seven days a week and they're they're losing their wives
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: and their children. So do we really need to change
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: that particular structure of the way that we work in
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty six? Is it time to more? So? Like
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: we change everything else, why can't we change the structure
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: of employment and the instruction of you know that, that
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: whole entire thing. So I would love to have that
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: conversation with you. But yeah, so if you still have
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: the link. If not, I rescind it to you. And
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: I am looking forward to having this converse because that's
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: why I like to have these conversations. So I know
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: what direction I would like to go, but that's what
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: I really want to go with that. With that, as
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: far as what do I want to be when I
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: grow up?
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, well, I'll end it with this. You
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: have to grow old, but you don't have to grow up, Okay.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to having a further conversation about you
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: with this, with you, about this words.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for taking the time to do it,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: to do this for me, and you have a very beautiful,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: beautiful day.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: Thank you too.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: By bye bye bye.