Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / Episode 5: Unexpected Calm with Two Littles
Transcript
- Heidi Lindeman: Welcome back to another episode the Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans podcast. I'm Heidi Lindman. I'm a therapist. I'm a single mom by choice. I'm a lover of emotional intelligence and ⁓ feelings be something better known, talked about, processed, ⁓ and experienced in our lives. I am looking forward to this one. This is a fun little one that is, might be a little bit different than some of the other ones. Today I want to talk about a moment of unexpected calm. something that I really actually didn't think was possible. And I honestly have zero idea of how it happened. But it is also a lovely And something that I think might just give you a little boost of enjoyment, a little calm maybe, some awe maybe. Maybe might even help you think through your life with your kids. to see if you can find a moment unexpected calm so that you can cherish that too. Okay, so have two children. A almost five year old and a almost two and a half year old now. This story takes place when I had a two and a half year old and a newborn. Three, four days old newborn. Brand new baby. So just a slight backstory. I'll tell the whole birth story on another episode. But my baby, she that she was going to come at exactly 37 weeks. And nobody expected that. My entire birth team was not in town. My birth doula had to go be with her family for some kind of family emergency just for the weekend. And she was going to be back. four days, I think four days, three or four days after my baby was born. So we didn't think that it was going to be a big deal because nobody thought I was going go into labor on the 37 days, 37 weeks exactly. We thought we had a few more weeks. My mom, was meant to be my main birth supporter, the person who was going to be with me through the whole process, like once my labor started, I would give her a call. She'd get over to my house. She would help me. get to the hospital and all of that, Jess, you know, she'd be that person for me. Since I'm a single mom, I didn't have a partner to be that person for me. ⁓ And she ⁓ on cruise. Also didn't think that the baby was going to come then and she was going to be back on... She was going to be back about five or six days after the baby was born. So we all thought we were good. And well. She had other plans, that little one. she came at the 37th week, exactly, 37 weeks exactly. I went into labor the day before, at 36 weeks, six days, and then labor through the night and she was born on the next day. And then I, because I gave birth in the hospital, and because I was a single mom by choice, they let me stay there a little bit longer. So I stayed in the hospital, I think, for two or three nights because I didn't have... When I was going to be going home, there wasn't going to be a whole lot of support there because my birth team was still away. And the plan was for my mom to be there for the first couple of weeks or however long I needed her. So I got, when I got home, I had a friend who had to come pick me up because also they didn't have anyone to take me home. I didn't have my car because a different friend had dropped me, drove me to the hospital when I was in labor. And other friends, the friends were watching my older kiddo while I was in labor. And I am so grateful that I had that, that I have those friends in that little village who were so and ⁓ to in and help. take care of my older kiddo so that I could be fully present and giving birth in those first couple of days with the little one, with the newborn. And I love that I trust my friends so much knew that my older one was safe loved and cared for ⁓ and all of her needs met. They're just amazing people. Okay, so here's where the story really starts. We come home. I come home. My friend ⁓ drives comes and picks me up, drops me off at the house. My older who is at the neighbors and comes home. and I do the thing by myself. I get my older one dinner, get her to bed, I'm of taking care of the newborn, feeding her when she needs to be fed, changing her diaper, doing the whole nine yards, you know, all of it. As soon my little one, my older one goes to bed, the baby and I go to bed. You better believe I'm sleeping as much as I can. it was lovely that I was able to sleep so well with this one because that was different from my first one. So I had a pretty good night's sleep. Of course, I was still woken up. I still had to wake up and I had to feed her and change her diaper and get her back to bed and do that thing, that process several times throughout the night because, you know, newborns, they eat every couple of hours. ⁓ And then in the morning, it's so sweet. I hear these little pitter patter feet. My other kiddo, do do do do, pitter pitter pitter pitter, running to my room. And she grabs onto the bassinet and she peers over her face, just barely her able to see over her eyes, ⁓ over her nose, is like right at the bar of where the bassinet is. She looks at the baby holding on and she says, I The first thing she said in the morning, she didn't even say hi, mom. She'd say, morning. I mean, obviously she's two and a half, so like, what is she gonna say? But she says, I touch. Very, very excited. like, yeah, you could touch her. The baby was awake. And she touched, I picked her other baby up and I helped. My older one, hold her and touch her and bond with her little sister. And it was just so sweet to see how in ⁓ my older one was of this new little baby. How much she. ⁓ was curious about her, wanted to know about her, if she could touch her. And we did the whole thing by ourselves. I got up, nursed the baby, I got breakfast for the older one. And I just felt so joy peace and love. was amazing. I was sitting and watching my two and a half year old eating her breakfast as she always does, but I felt different. felt this calmness. Like my had just swelled and expanded so much. ⁓ and how in love I was with that with my two and a half year old and how big she was. ⁓ my goodness. I cannot believe how big she was. I had seen her a couple days ago. She did come visit us at the hospital and just astounded at how big she was. And I'm pretty sure that was because I also had a newborn. I had this seven pound baby who I was taking care of. So of course my two and a half year old felt huge. even though she's still so small. it was just so fun to see her excitement and her joy and her... just happiness that we got to spend that time together and was amazing and She went to daycare that day. My friends took her in, our friends, our neighbors, they go to the same daycare. So I still had help in certain ways. And spent the whole day with the baby by myself, taking care of her, doing everything I needed. My parents came that night, so I had to spend a whole night and then that whole day. And then they got there in the evening at some point by myself. And it was, I actually loved that day. It was amazing. And I did not expect that. I expected it to be really, really hard. to have to manage two kids, a newborn, a two and a half year old, and myself, because I expected that I would actually feel really bad, because after my first pregnancy, after my first birth, was harder. I don't know why I felt so good, but I did. I felt great. I felt grounded, I felt calm, I felt capable, I felt... love and joy and just in awe, in awe of the little baby that decided she wanted to go to 37 weeks instead of waiting for a few more weeks. I really was hoping she was going to wait ⁓ that she would have been born after ⁓ the 20th of September and been a Libra instead of a Virgo, but nope, she's a Virgo. But she's perfect. It's just as she is. And I adore her. I adore my ⁓ two a half year old at this moment. ⁓ their bond that they have. And I am really grateful that we have that moment. I couldn't have created it, couldn't have planned it or made it happen. It was unexpected, 100 % unexpected and 100 % grateful that it happened. That at least for that one day, there was this newness, this awe, this amazement at having a new baby in our family. that my that she was feeling that too that she was expressing that that that looking at her I touch she was just enamored with this little being with this little baby and I loved it loved every moment of that ⁓ and I'm grateful that I had that and encourage you to think if like there was a moment that felt calm, peaceful, fun, awe-inspiring, joy-inspiring in your life is a moment. And maybe it's not as big of a moment as that. Maybe it's a moment of, maybe it's a small moment where you're like, we sat on the steps outside before dinner and we noticed something and we laughed together. And I felt my heart swell in love for my child. mean, just seeing if you can think of something any moment and think of and as you think of it, see if you can really feel. Can you remember what that felt like? Can you as you think about it, can you relive it and feel that sense of calm, of joy, of awe? I know as I tell this story, I feel it deeply. And that's the sweetness of life that we get to have those moments. ⁓ Because not all the moments are like that. And actually I wouldn't have known that that moment was that sweet without some of the other hard moments. because a lot of the moments are actually hard. It's actually hard to be a parent to a toddler and a newborn. It was not all easy. And I'm really grateful that I had that experience where I was able to have that calm foundation, that they have that in their bodies, that they get to remember that. in that throughout their lives, last two and almost two and a half years, we've had many more moments similar to that. I'm exactly like that. But some moments of calm. And we've had some other moments of anger, as you've heard for sure. And some other moments of anxiety, of sadness, of... We have all the feelings. And really for me, that is the point of life that all feelings, all parts of us are welcome, that I actually want to feel it all. I want to feel that awe, that joy, that love. And I also want to feel the sadness and the grief and the sorrow and the anger and the fear because it all tells me something. It all is part of being human. And those feelings and those parts of me are are really important. So here's just a little note of unexpected calm. And I hope you too can remember and find a moment of unexpected calm for yourself too. And if this stirs anything in you, I would love to hear what your unexpected moment of calm was. Feel free to leave a rating if you really enjoyed this. Send me an email if you want to. Reach out to me on YouTube, whatever works for you. Connect. I want to hear those moments. What are your moments of unexpected calm? Yeah, send that to me. Send me that moment. I would love to hear it. Thank you for being here, for listening, for being engaged, and for being the mom and the parent that you are, and for loving your kids the way that you do. You're doing a great job, mama. Until next time.