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What Is Narcissism? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what is narcissism? What is narcissistic personality
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  disorder? That's that's what we're talking
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  about today. Y'all, If you're new here, I'm a
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  diagnosed narcissist. My name is Lee Hammock and I
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  give people the inside look at the mind of a narcissist and how
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  the mind of a narcissist works. And today we're talking about
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  what is narcissism in and of itself from the POV of a
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  narcissist. Let's get it.
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  OK then. Boom.
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  Welcome back y'all. Welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, I'm filming from home today.
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  Not in my office downstairs, but narcissism, what is it?
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  You can look online, of course you can Google it.
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  You can Google narcissistic personality disorder.
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  What is a narcissist? What is narcissism?
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  You can Google that. You will find the definitions
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  online that so many people create, right?
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  But what you won't find, what you will not find is a
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  narcissist saying hey to narcissist to to a narcissist.
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  This is what narcissism is. This is what narcissism is to me
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  and that's what you're getting here with me.
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  So I need to hit that like button, hit that subscribe
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  button. And the new podcast is launching
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  next week. Let's get it.
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  Woo. But yes, y'all narcissistic.
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  Let's hop right into it. What is narcissism?
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  To me, as they diagnose narcissists, narcissism is
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  self-defense. Done.
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  The video is done. I'm leaving.
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  No, but seriously, it's a self to me, narcissism is absolutely
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  a self-defense mechanism. I think to a lot of people that
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  doesn't make sense to them because you're not a narcissist,
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  right? But to me and you, what we see
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  online and what we see in real life is that a lot of
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  narcissists are horrible people. They're terrible people.
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  They're manipulative, they're dangerous.
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  They're they, they do all kinds of horrible ass things to
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  people, right? They do terrible things.
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  We, I think we can say that we, I think we can all get clear on
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  the fact that a lot of narcissists do horrible,
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  terrible things. But what we don't hear a lot is
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  why they do it. What's coming, Where's it coming
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  from? I know some people online would
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  just say, well, they, they do it because they're evil.
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  They're robotic. They're robotic meat sacks.
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  They don't have empathy. They don't care about people.
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  They only care about themselves. They don't do this, they don't
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  do that. Again, a lot of their type of
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  stuff could be true right there, right?
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  A lot of that could be true, but most time the narcissist is
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  harming other people is to defend themselves.
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  And no when I say that I know people going to say they won't
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  be like well Lee defend themselves like what the hell is
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  not? You can't claim self-defense
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  when you narcissist can they take when you are narcissist,
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  you take everything as criticism.
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  You take everything as a threat to your ego.
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  Like literally every single thing that goes on, what what
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  people say to me, how people act, how people behave, what
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  people are going through, all of that is self-defense.
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  All of that is, you know what I'm saying?
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  I'm trying to protect my ego. So let's just say right here in
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  my mind, I convince myself that I'm not enough.
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  I feel worthless. I don't feel, I feel like a
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  small, tiny ass person, right? And should I feel like a small,
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  tiny person? Yeah, a lot of times a
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  narcissist should because they do horrible tiny ass, tiny ass
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  people things, right? But what I will say is that they
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  think that they're so small, they're so insecure that they
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  are battling their insecurities when they're treating you
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  horribly. And no, no and no.
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  Let me say it like this. In no way, shape or form am I
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  trying to say that it's deserved.
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  You don't deserve to be treated this way, right?
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  I'm not trying to say that. What I'm saying is that
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  narcissistic people, in our minds, we think you do because
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  we're trying to protect our ego. We are insecure.
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  We're trying to make ourselves feel better.
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  So if you or if you just look better than me, if you're more
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  conventionally attractive than I am in my eye, in other people's
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  eyes, I'm insecure. I need to defend myself.
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  I need to defend. I need to protect my ego.
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  So what do I do? I have to activate or try to
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  activate your insecurities. And if I don't think that you
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  have any, I try to give you some.
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  That's what goes on a lot of times.
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  If I don't think you have insecurities, I try to give you
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  some. I try to come up with some for
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  you. I try to make some out of thin
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  air. I have to.
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  I need to defend myself. I need to protect myself.
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  I have to do this type of stuff as a narcissist and that's why I
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  tell so many people. That's what I'm telling you
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  right now is this is the mentality that so many
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  narcissists do. Like we are absolutely trying to
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  defend ourselves. But do you deserve to be treated
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  badly? No, Hell no.
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  That's not. I am not saying that at all.
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  I'm just saying when you do something better than me or you
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  make me feel smaller. My knee I can't get.
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  I can't. I ain't got the mega knees when
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  you make me feel smaller, I have to do something to make myself
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  feel bigger. And guess what?
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  People don't grow. We can't grow.
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  And once we hit a certain limit, we don't grow anymore, right?
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  Right. You see what I'm saying?
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  We, once we hit a certain limit, we don't grow anymore.
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  But we can what we can do, if we can cut other people down, we
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  can cut you down. We can bring you down or try to
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  break you down to our level. You see how that works right
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  there? We can try to bring you down
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  here. We can try to cut you down.
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  We can try to knock you off of your post.
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  We can try to knock you off of your pillars.
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  We can try to do that type of stuff right there, y'all?
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  We absolutely can. So that's when you're doing,
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  when you're dealing with this type of person, when you're
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  dealing with this type of mentality, when you have this
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  type of stuff going on, that's what you have to understand is
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  that a lot of narcissistic people, a lot of toxic gas
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  people are going to do things exactly like this.
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  They're going to try to knock you off this pedestal that they
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  put you on. That's a, that's the crazy thing
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  about it right here. Narcissists try to knock you off
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  the very same pedestal that they put you on.
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  Like they put you on the pedestal, they put you there.
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  You didn't ask to be there. They pedestalized you at the
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  beginning of the relationship, Right?
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  You see what I'm saying? They pedestalized you at the
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  beginning of the relationship. They absolutely do.
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  They do. They, they put you on this
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  pedestal, they make, they make you feel like the greatest thing
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  on earth. So if you started to feel
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  yourself, then they started to feel attacked.
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  Like I know I put you on this pedestal, but don't act like you
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  belong there 'cause I can take you, right?
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  I, I, I made you, I can destroy you.
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  You see how crazy that sounds right there?
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  I made you so I can also destroy you.
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  I can take you down a nut. I can take you down a peg.
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  I did this and I can pull you down off that pedestal that I
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  put you on. That's psycho type stuff right
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  there. Y'all That's psychotic.
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  It can get psychotic and that's how you, when you working with a
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  narcissist, when you're dealing with a narcissistic person, that
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  is literally how it goes. You know what I mean?
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  This is literally how they operate.
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  This is literally how they act. This is the mindset that they go
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  through and the type of stuff that they will continuously do
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  over and over again because they feel like they want to.
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  They feel like they can. I'm getting hyped over here,
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  y'all. Y'all see me getting hyped?
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  Like to me narcissism is absolutely self-defense.
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  It's protecting the ego. Again.
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  Do they go above and beyond to protect their ego?
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  Yes. Again, are they abusive as hell
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  to protect their egos? Yes, I'm not trying to say that
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  this self-defense is will pass in a court of law, right, like
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  you pulled a weapon on me. So I pulled my weapon faster and
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  hit you with it. You I thought you were going to
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  I thought you were going to Pew Pew me, so I Pew pewed you
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  first. That's self-defense.
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  You see what I'm saying? You pulled your weapon, I pulled
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  mine quicker and I hit you. That's self-defense.
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  Narcissists think that you have a weapon.
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  They think they're like, wait, you, I think you got a weapon.
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  How you standing? It's kind of weird, right?
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  So I'm going to Pew Pew you. That's not self-defense.
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  I can say it is. I perceive it as self-defense,
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  but it's not self-defense. Do you see the difference?
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  Both, both scenarios I Pew pewed you, but in one scenario I just
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  thought you had a Pew Pew sound like a dirty ass cop doing it.
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  I thought you. I thought you, I seen that cell
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  phone bulge. I thought that I thought your
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  wallet, that brightly colored wallet, that orange wallet, I
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  thought there was a Pew Pew. So I had to Pew Pew you.
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  You know what I'm saying? That's not self-defense, that's
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  abuse. That's abuse masking as
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  self-defense. That's schmurder masking as
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  self-defense. You see what I'm saying?
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  This is what goes on like I'm trying to defend my ego.
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  And the crazy time out of is narcissists have huge egos, huge
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  egos. The biggest egos on the damn
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  planet, right? But it's they're huge fragile
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  egos. So imagine this right here.
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  It's a huge, when I say huge, fragile ego.
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  Just imagine a big ass pane of glass, a huge pane of glass,
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  right? The hugest, the biggest pane of
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  glass that you might see anywhere.
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  Imagine that, right? Imagine the biggest pane of
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  glass. Everywhere.
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  Everywhere. It's big, right?
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  It's a huge pane of glass, but it's still glass.
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  A small rock. To take down that pane of glass.
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  A a nail. A nail hit perfectly can take
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  down this huge pane of glass. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what goes on right there. That's the point of it.
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  Right there is huge. The egos are huge, but it's just
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  small things hurt it. Small things damage it.
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  Small things can take it down and it's not even real.
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  Let's say it's not even real criticism sometimes, y'all?
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  It's perceived criticism. I perceive that you're trying to
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  attack me. I perceive that you.
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  I thought you said something mean to me.
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  I perceived it. It doesn't mean that I think
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  it's true. You see what I'm saying?
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  I perceived. I thought you did that.
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  But I you didn't really do that. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's the mentality. I thought you did, but you
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  really didn't. But that doesn't matter because
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  I'm going to going to attack anyway, just in case.
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  I'm going to attack just in case.
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  Yeah. I thought you did it, but you
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  really didn't. But I'm going to attack you just
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  in case. And guess what?
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  Even though I'm wrong, I'm not going to take it back.
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  The crazy thing about it is, even when a narcissist knows
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  that they've done something wrong, they're not going to take
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  it back. Because taking it back also
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  hurts the ego. You know what I'm saying?
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  Taking it back also damages the ego.
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  Taking it back also hurts me. Taking it back brings shame to
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  my life because now I'm wrong. Because now I'm a bad person.
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  You see how that works? So even if they do something
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  wrong to you, they know they've done something wrong to you.
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  That's why they don't, that's why they, they don't apologize.
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  Because even if I apologize, it brings shame into my life.
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  The shame is coming regardless. And because as someone that's
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  diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and I've
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  been able to work on myself for so long and do so much work for
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  my, on myself, like I don't, I, I have learned how to kind of
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  short circuit this shame. I've learned how to counteract
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  it. I've learned how to embrace it,
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  kind of metabolize it and shoot it out in a power beam, right?
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  It's kind of like I get hit with this negative power beam.
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  I take it in, I suck it in. Like I transform it into good
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  energy and I shoot it out. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's why I, that's what I've been done.
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  That's what I've been able to do because I've been in
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  psychotherapy for so long, because I've done 8, because
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  I've done 8 years, a hard time in psychotherapy in Greensboro,
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  NC, right? I'm y'all, it's crazy.
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  I've been, I've been there for eight years, 88 long ones, 8
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  long years. It's crazy, but I'm proud of
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  myself. You know what I'm saying, 'cause
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  it allowed me to understand that not everybody is attacking my
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  ego. Is my first thought still that
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  this is an attack on my ego? Yes.
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  But I've learned how to just, OK, take a deep breath, slow
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  myself down, and actually tell myself the factual information
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  of this situation. Is this person really attacking
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  me? It's kind of like I have to do
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  an internal flow chart. The flow chart courtesy of North
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  Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University
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  engineering department, right? Yes, I have a bachelor's degree
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  from NCANT in Greensboro, NC, in industrial engineering.
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  But the flow chart, Is this person attacking me?
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  If no, stop. If yes, keep going.
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  You see what I'm saying? If this really is an attack, how
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  should I defend myself? It's a flow chart.
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  It can stop at the first. It can stop on the very first
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  thing. If yes, keep going.
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  If no, stop. Take a deep breath.
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  Realize that this is not an attack.
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  You realize you don't have to defend yourself.
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  And that's what that's the only way for a narcissist to really
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  change is to understand that not everybody is attacking them.
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  Not everybody is criticizing them.
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  You don't always have to defend yourself.
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  This is why you see them starting arguments over small
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  things, small criticisms, even constructive criticism.
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  They're defending their ego. They don't want to be wrong, so
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  they feel like they have to defend themselves against even
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  constructive criticism. You're trying to help me and I
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  take it as criticism, and I attack you for trying to help me
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  because I'm protecting myself. I'm protecting my ego.
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  I'm defending my ego against shame and criticism because if
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  my ego is destroyed, I am destroyed again.
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  Y'all, this is in no way shape or form saying that it's OK for
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  a narcissist to be abusive for to be manipulative, to put their
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  hands on you. I'm not saying that type of
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  stuff at all. None, zero.
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  I'm just saying this is what goes on in the mind of a
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  narcissist, y'all. Anyways, y'all think I've made
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  the end of this video again. The Mental Illness Podcast is
• 13:56
  launching next week. Make sure you hit that subscribe
• 13:59
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• 14:01
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• 14:03
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• 14:05
  the mental health of others. The link is in the description
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  of every video and podcast that I do, or you can check my
• 14:10
  website out for one on ones and coaching and my courses and
• 14:13
  things like that Mental illness.net piece.