Latest / Six-Figure Chicks / From Heartbreak to Healing and Learning to Love Yourself First
Transcript
- speaker-0: Hey there guys. Welcome back to Six Figure Chicks Podcast. I'm Melcie and I am delighted to have Nicole Allison here with me. And I am so excited to have you on the show, being that we're in the same town, we haven't even met yet. But thank you so much for coming on. Why don't you share a little bit about you and your awesomeness to the audience? speaker-1: Okay, thanks, Mal, for having me on. I'm excited to be here. So, like she said, my name is Nicole Allison and I'm a heartbreak healing and mindset coach. And I work with women to help build their emotional fitness for a stronger heart, spirit, and mind. the concept is based around like if you're trying to build a physically fit body, you're you're lifting those weights, you're doing those reps, and you're transforming yourself. Well, it's no different when we go through heartbreak. Or a painful life life experience, loss, grief. We're we're we're broken down and we need to build ourselves back up. So loving ourselves, investing in ourselves, finding our worth again, just those all those reps that make us the strongest, best version of ourselves. So that's the concept of it. And it comes from my own experience going through a divorce, coming into the dating world, going through those heartbreaks and and letdowns and Really getting to a place where I realized I had to work on me. I had to, I had to focus on me and I had to build myself up before I was going to be good for anybody. And so I'm in a place in life where I am focusing on my future, my dreams, and really feeling in a place I never thought it would before. So I'm really excited to be creating this company. And then I have a podcast coming called Fit to Love Conversations, where we'll just be having those real raw. Life changing and transformative talks. speaker-0: Mm, I love it. And I can't wait to be on your show. because I'm all about the the raw conversations, like peel away the the fancy front that we we put on because a lot of people see us on social media and think, my gosh, she's so great. She must have an amazing life. Like everything is rainbows and unicorns. That's not that way every day. speaker-1: Nope. speaker-0: Yes. Okay. So I have tons of questions already, but I wanna start off with something fun or unexpected that not a lot of people know about you. Give us some juicy tidbits. speaker-1: Well, something I don't know how exciting it is, but something fun is that I was a flight attendant just about a year and a half ago. So a lot of people don't know that about me. I went to training, I only did it for eight months. I realized it wasn't for me, but coming out of my marriage seven years ago, being a primarily a stay-at-home mom, I always tell people it's almost like I'm 22 or 23, figure out what I'm gonna do. I've been in and out of different ideas. And I thought, my kids are out of the house and they're traveling. And I mean, they're not traveling. they're out of the house and they're off to college. Now I can travel and do something. So I decided a flight attendant sounded like a great idea. But I found that being $30,000, $30,000, my gosh, 30,000 miles in the air, like stuck in a cube, was not what I enjoyed. Like I I didn't like it, but the experience was was was it it taught me a lot about myself. I like to be on the ground. So a lot of people don't know that about me. speaker-0: That is awesome. I mean, and thank you for being so real and open with it. Like, you know, you tried something, it didn't work. And you're like, okay, well, let's go somewhere else. Let's try something else. like all too often a lot of us find ourselves just going with the motions because we don't know anything else. And it's scary to like uproot your life and change like that. speaker-1: Hmm, for sure. speaker-0: Especially being on your own, right? Like I think after divorce and then being a having to figure out your life all over again. It's like, what do I do? Where do I go? Like the major changes. speaker-1: For sure. And sometimes we just want to get away get away. And I think that that was more of what it was about. If I could jump on a plane and go to work and leave this place and get out of here and then that somehow would make me better or give me more freedom. But it it really wasn't serving that purpose. And and I recognize that as well. speaker-0: Yeah. Well, I mean, hey, check the box in time to move on. and I'm so glad you are doing this new chapter in your life. And that's exactly it. Like it's yours to write however you want. you talked about the transforming ourselves post divorce and you know, getting into the dating world and starting. talking about that with my audience of dating in the 40s. you're probably like in your 30s still. So I I you know, it's a challenge getting back out there and going, God, do I really want to get on dating apps? So like, how are you helping women define that challenge that they faced, like doing life, work, and now dating? speaker-1: Well, I so I am forty-six, so I definitely am dating in my forties. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: I was thirty-nine when I got divorced. And I will I will share with you that I was that person that got right on right online, distracted like crazy town. I I never I I always tell people I it's like I got married in the dinosaur ages. We were just starting to text on the phone. I was twenty. To 23, 25 with two two kids, you know, to the age of of three. And so when I got out into Diz dating world, it it was, it's like I got gobbled up by the wolves or something. I mean, I just didn't understand it. I didn't understand like that a lot of men had been on there for years, that there is this this culture on there that a lot were maybe not even looking for a relationship. And I'm just in La La Land trying to fill all the voids. So Honestly, I would have to say that prematurely online dating before it was clear on my boundaries, my standards, my self-worth, and I took that time to heal, it was a it was the detriment to like further breakdown. So with online dating, I feel like as long as we're very like we're in a good solid place, we're we're self-aware, we know when we've had enough of it. For instance, if we felt like we've been trooper jacted three or four times, maybe getting off the app for a while. kind of taking inventory where we're at, why we're feeling everything so heavily before getting back on. Cause what happens a lot of times with women is we we just keep going on, we stay on, we stay on, we stay on. And then things aren't working, they're not working, they're not working. And then we we become very exhausted by the experience. And and dating is supposed to be fun. We're looking for our person. I mean each person we meet it's it's like an interview. It it's not supposed to be this depleting thing. So I really encourage women to take a step back from it if they feel like it's affecting the way they feel about themselves. And it's making them hopeless versus hopeful, if that makes sense. speaker-0: Yeah, for sure. Like people ask me all the time, they're like, are you gonna get on dating apps? And I'm like, there are all these guys online and you know, they're talking to me. And but then it became a full time job. And I'm like, I I I couldn't do that now. For sure. And so would you like to share? Are you dating now? Have you speaker-1: So I just got out of a relationship about six weeks ago. And I was dating for about six months. However, the relationship was showing me signs and flags of things that I didn't want to carry forward in my life. And I had to make a really tough decision to to break it off. And so I've decided that I'm I'm dating myself. And I and and listen, Isabel, I it when I I remember when I got out of my marriage like seven years ago and I was just I I I was a serial dater for sure. I mean I definitely am categorized as someone that was just out on the weekend and have my kids. But I remember this lady telling me, you know, Nicole, maybe you should just take a step back for a while and date yourself. And I'm like, what? That sounds terrible. I go on a date with myself and she's all I do this and I do that and I get tickets for movies. And and what I didn't understand about it was it wasn't about so much the dating yourself is it was a a focus, a return of focus on yourself and a return of that focus on your self-love, who you are, allowing yourself to heal, being grounded. Back then I I would use dating and new men and new new connections as a numbing cream, if you will, because I wasn't facing the pain. And the relationship I just got out of it's heartbreaking for me. Like I really loved him. Like It it can, it's not gonna work. There's things that would have to shift. And I'm not in a place to force that right now in my life on somebody else. And so I know I'm healing from that. I'm still having the flashbacks and still remembering what it felt like. And I'm still reminding myself that I had to make the tough decision because I need to continue to grow, evolve, and become the best version version of myself. So I like to say that it's a time to allow yourself to still go out and have a good time. Go get a burger by yourself. Go to the movie that you want to see by yourself. Trust me when I tell you, at first it's kind of weird, but then you really start to enjoy it. Where when you have plans with yourself and someone's like, Do you want to do this? You're like, no, nope, gonna be with myself tonight. I'm good. So I I I really, I after all this time, here I am. That's the answer. And also with the online culture, we talked about it a little bit. I am so seasoned with it because I did it way too much. way back when. And so it's really hard for me to take anything serious. Like when I see a text like, hey, beautiful or you know, it and I'll just be like, this again. So I I'm just not in a place to do it online. Yeah. If that makes sense. speaker-0: Yeah, no, it does. And I mean I love I love that. Thanks for sharing. I speaker-1: In a speaker-0: love going. I love going out with myself with like my favorite is to go to the bar at a restaurant and people watch, have great conversations. I talk about this all the time. Like I would be so happy just at the bar having my champagne and you know, mill or no mill, but like just having my my time. you know, and that's You know, there's usually a guy or two that will come up and be like, Hey speaker-1: yeah. speaker-0: And you're like, Hey, I'm good. speaker-1: just wait until they ask you for your number and you're like, sir, I'm dating myself right now. So I'm gonna have to say no. And they're like, that's just an excuse. And I'm like, well, sorry. speaker-0: Yeah, but like nobody's better than me. So speaker-1: Right. I'm having a great time. speaker-0: Yes. that's cute. I'm gonna have to use that next time. Thank you. Okay. speaker-1: I don't want to find, you know, love one day. And I'm open to it, but I'm really at this point in my life, especially building this company and having the this time right now to to invest in myself, nobody to be showing up for on a you know a romantic level. It's it's giving me that space to do what I need to do. So I just think I'm gonna I'm gonna date myself until I until I feel like I've got time for for someone else. So speaker-0: I love that. I love that. And so going back to our younger self, like what would be one piece of advice that you would give her before she, you know, got married? speaker-1: don't know I mean I'm not messing with you. I would tell her the same thing that I and I don't okay, I I shouldn't have said that, but at my age, I think it was a little pre a little soon. my daughter is 23 and my son's 21. So I do tell my daughter all the time, like, honey, just be young, be 23, like experience the world. Go out, you know, date a few people, figure out who you are, let yourself mature a little bit. into the woman that you're gonna come become from your life experiences. Because by the time I was 28 or 29, I was shifting a lot. I mean, I was becoming a different kind of mom. My mind was thinking differently. And I just didn't have those young years. And I really took it out on myself when I went when I divorced at 39 because I didn't know. So I I would say like, hey honey, like I know you want to have a family. I I know you want to have kids one day, Nicole, you're gonna probably Want to step right into that because of the voids in your life and and the heartache and the the the abandonments that you've been through. And you're gonna want that protection, but you're gonna need some time to heal and find yourself and become a a stronger or wiser version. And then you can start to date seriously than get married. because I I think it would have made a difference with who I chose and the way I chose to live my life. But at the same time, again, like I'm So grateful for my kids. I just want my daughter to have a different life than me. So I would have definitely told my younger self, like, you don't need to be the mom right away, but I can't take it back. But you know, yeah, you're asking what I tell my younger self. speaker-0: Yeah, I love that. And I love that you're sharing that with your daughter the younger women to know that, we're not here to just tell them what to do, but rather, you how we didn't, how maybe we can do it differently. or they can, you know, just to they give those little gold nuggets for them to have a really fruitful, successful life. speaker-1: So well, I was then like my mom, bless her, I lean, I love her to death. But she we were raised in an environment that was like, you know, you you find somebody, they've got the wherewithal to take care of you and make you a stay-at-home mom. Like you jump on that, you marry it. That's how you that's how you survive. So I wasn't in an environment where it's like you need to get an education, you need to fend for yourself, you need to be an independent woman. It was like, yeah, this works. This is this is what will make your life easier. So That was just the mentality I had. So I grasped on to like that, this is what I'm supposed to do. And I just didn't know that I had anything more to offer at the time. And being a mom is amazing. Like it's the best job and it's the hardest job. And it's it's in and it's it, but it there's also more than than that for for women. And that's that is a big deal for me. Cause again, that was that was what I was raised with. That's what I understood. speaker-0: Yeah, most definitely. I have the same here. Like, you know, grow up, get married, have two kids, a dog, you're good. Like, yeah, that that was it. But but no, it's not because things things change. let's go into a little bit more fun facts. What's your favorite song that gets you pumped up? speaker-1: Well, my wake up song when I use my alarmed wake up is Alive, Empire of the Sun. I love that song so much. I I love the band, but it's just the it's just the whole thing, like it just I would sing it a verse of it, but I like my voice is not unless I don't know that I want it in this podcast. But if anyone's ever heard it, it's it I definitely hear it. I start dancing and I start moving and if my kids are around me, we'll all do it as well. So it it it gets you pumped up because it's just like living every moment. It makes you feel alive. It's it's a great song. speaker-0: I love that. Thank you. We're gonna add your song to the playlist for everyone to enjoy. Six figure women songs. Like what gets us pumped up? Because, you know, I probably have heard that, but I can't think of it right now. So When I get off here, I'm gonna look it up and play it. speaker-1: Like I said, I would I would sing you a little bit, but like I can't even I was like, I'm just gonna know. speaker-0: You probably know every lyric by heart. speaker-1: I do. Well, just a funny story on singing. I'm so tone-deaf and I I cannot sing. My daughter sings, she's a singer-songwriter. And so we I go to the so she's a voice. It didn't come from me, I guess is my point. So we're at this concert with my son. It's this Christian concert, and and we're singing along. And then he's like, Mom, I can't even post the clip because you're singing in the background and it's it's so off. It's so bad. And my kids were just like dying laughing because you hear like they're singing the song and I'm in the background like, hey. Just thinking on seem good. And I just could not believe how bad it sounded. So it was, it was like, wow. Wow. I really know how to do it. speaker-0: That's awesome. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. speaker-0: my gosh. I'm crying tears of joy. I'd be the same. So yeah, don't worry. okay, so as we wrap it up, where can people find you and tell us when your podcast is coming out? speaker-1: People can find me on Instagram at FitToLoveCoaching. And then it's the Nicole Allison on Facebook, also Fit to Love Coaching. And then I have a new website launching and it will be available next week. That's fit to lovecoaching.com. So I'm really excited about that. And then the podcast, Fit to Love Conversations. It it is scheduled to launch in December. And I know you're gonna be on one of my first podcasts. I'm really excited about that. It's a new experience and definitely a a dream of mine to have one. I've been wanting one for as long as I can remember. So here I am. And it's it's good. speaker-0: Yay, congratulations on everything amazing. I am so excited to watch your growth and be on your podcast and share it with the world. So, yes, we will have all of your information on the podcast show notes. thank you again, Nicole. And until next time, keep rising and lift each other up because together we rise. speaker-1: Yes, thank you so much for having me on your show too. It's just it's awesome. And I'm so glad that we connected. And I'm halfway through your book and I'm very much enjoying learning about all the six figure ladies. And I'm just super honored to be a part of such a a wonderful world where we're just like you said, rising and lifting everyone up. speaker-0: Yeah, thank you. All right. Till next time.