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The Power of Slowing Down in a World That Won’t · Leadership From The Heart | Transformational Leadership Insights

• Romie Montpeirous: Welcome everyone to another episode of Leadership from the Heart. Today I have with us Kat Richard. Kat's back for a second time. This is Richard's first time. Welcome to the show, Richard. ⁓ you for being here, Kat. Welcome back. How are you? Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Woo woo. Woo woo. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Kat: Thank you. I'm doing good. Romie Montpeirous: Excellent, excellent. talked about this last time we were on the podcast. We talked about Richard towards the end. You know, we were like, damn, we got to get Richard on the show and then Richard's on the show. So that just shows how, know, when you say something with your words and you mean it, that it could happen. Right. And so very excited to have both of you here today, because I feel like the conversation like we talked about earlier can go anywhere. ⁓ And think that all three of us are. Rich Sharpe: Ha Romie Montpeirous: really good with that and about that. So I'm pretty excited about this episode. We have really no agenda other than to collaborate and talk, which is so dope to me. Like it's really my vibe. And so really want to start off with new with you guys, because I know you guys have like some new stuff going on and I'm really excited to hear about it. So we'll start with you, Kat. What do you have going on? Rich Sharpe: Hahaha. Hahaha! Kat: you ⁓ ⁓ leaning into teaching breath work and meditation and just getting these modalities out into the world. I think last time I was on here I was still teaching Pilates, which I was teaching for 10 years, and I've closed that door. It's still we'll always have a big part in my heart, but I'm ready to the world slow down. So that's what I'm kind of focusing on right now. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, that's beautiful. And so what made you, I want to know what led to you knowing that the door was ready to close for Pilates and to step into this one. Kat: ⁓ Rich Sharpe: You Kat: love group fitness. love teaching group fitness and coaching and chapter a coach. helped me grow in so many ways. Like it helped me find confidence, it helped me with public speaking, it helped me just connect with people on a deeper level. I think I just got to the point where I was feeling ⁓ exhausted than energized at the end of teaching classes. And I think it was just my body saying, ⁓ it's time to try something else. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, it's interesting how we walk into something new and your vessel is like empty, right? And so it gives you a lot of energy and it's everything you needed. And then you hit a point where your vessel's too big for this now. And so you need to move on. And I think that's so cool. And a lot of us don't listen. So I think it's really cool that you listened to the call to your body and what it was telling you to... Kat: Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: to move on to something that now your vessel is empty again and now you're going to fill it and you just keep going. I think that's beautiful. Thank you for that. Kat: Right. And don't get me wrong, there was a lot of resistance. I was like, no, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm just tired. Exactly. yeah, I'm really happy to be on the other side. Romie Montpeirous: ⁓ yeah. I'm just tired. It's the way the stories are. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, I can I can say, honestly, this is one of the things that you know, I've learned from Kat, is this it's and I'm going to use this word really intentionally, like an ability to listen, right? Because I don't know that it's like it's everyone's natural state. And I don't know, maybe maybe you can you can share a little bit about whether or that was a learned skill or something that you always had. But, you know, It's like a muscle, right? Like this of, you know, kind of like taking in how your body reacts and how you feel in certain situations, picking up on the trends there. then, you know, honestly, that's just like step one, right? Like, it's like taking that information and then doing something with it. And it's something in the last couple of years, I feel like I've definitely learned directly from ⁓ Kat. you now I find myself, right? Like, wait, wait a minute. Like, what am I feeling? Romie Montpeirous: ⁓ huh. Rich Sharpe: What is this really? What is this actually? then like what you do with it is, you know, a whole other, a whole other practice. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, no, that's good. perfect. That's a nice segue into what's new. ⁓ Rich Sharpe: Yeah, you know, like and latching on to of what what what Kat was saying and explaining, you know, I, I spent a lot of years in my life being good at things that, you know, I don't know if I actually wanted to do ever, you know, like was this, you know, think current that pulled me to hey, like, you know, you could you could do this in the corporate world, or you could build these kinds of relationships, or you could be in these kinds of spaces. And I think I use a lot of external validation, again, mapping back to the point that Kat was making, to just go with that current, right? Go with the current of my circumstances and being validated by all these external things. And I think over the last couple of years, I think listening to my body, right? That I knew that there was something I didn't, part of my interest or a part of my ability that I wasn't tapping into. And, you know, not to say it's just creativity, right? Because I get opportunities to be creative, but there was this just kind of like building over time, this call to do something that meant something to me, right? And tell stories that I thought were interesting or create things that I thought would be, you know, fun to share. with a broader audience. And it actually happened in, know, Kat and I were in Spain I had been mentioning to her, like, I wanted to create like this, like brand and I don't want the brand to be one thing. I wanted to have a feeling and then I can point it at whatever the hell I want to point it at, right? So like, if we want to do events, if we want to do clothes, if we want to do a podcast, right? Like I want the ability to do that thing. And you know, ⁓ I'm someone who ⁓ is very intentional about the way that I carry myself, like aesthetically. And so like it started with starting with clothes, right? And so over the last couple of months, years, really, I've been like building this idea, right? This idea for a, what is going to initially be a clothing brand, but ultimately be something bigger. And then, you know, the last actually couple of weeks we started to share it, right. And share it with the world and put some stuff out there. There's a lot of like intention behind the visuals. And I mean, hopefully we get a chance to get into some of that, but. Really, that's the thing I'm most excited about. Again, still working, right? Still on the kind of current of my life. But there's this whole new project that I'm about pouring into. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, and what's the project called? Rich Sharpe: It's called Ode, ⁓ Dear Esther, yeah. And so whole story behind that effectively is, you know, with that thought of wanting to be able to point it at whatever thing I wanted to point it at for that given collection or session, I wanted to create a brand that celebrated ideas or concepts or people feelings, right? That an actually etch out space. ⁓ to talk about and feel those things. And so naturally me, again, I think as I ⁓ recall the that you guys had, Kat talked about mom and how she inspired her, right? Like my mom passed from cancer. And so she was my best friend, ⁓ the most important person my life. And so naturally the first sort of collection is geared towards like honoring Not even just her, right? Like, I feel like her, she's this thing for me, but the essence that she carried, right? Like she had this sort of like ubiquitous nature of making people feel included. And she was like crazy productive. Like sometimes like Kat and I will talk and we'll be like, I don't know how she had four sons and a husband and work the full-time job. Like she'd be in like, you know, the gym and we'd be doing our homework in the car and like she'd be getting it all done, you know? And like, it was this really, really cool. space that she held a thing for everybody. I wanted the collection not to be about her, but to ⁓ be like a carrying of that thing that she always had. Right? And so, Dear Esther is named after her and made in the spirit of her. But as collections grow, like we'll take on other concepts and ideas and celebrate those concepts and ideas. Romie Montpeirous: Thank you. Naturally, naturally. That's a beautiful, yeah, right? I think that's new thing. I don't know. don't know. We're still like this. No, that's beautiful, man. And I want to know, like Kat, your thoughts on this, but I feel like we're moving towards, and I'm going get a little woo woo, right? We're moving towards a new place. Kat: you Rich Sharpe: Is that how they do it? that how they... Is it this one or this one? All All right. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still, I'm still clapping. I'm still clapping. Thank you. Kat: Clock it! ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Right? It feels like it's being broken into two, but I think that like, you know, what you just said, Richard, was resonates so much because you talked about wanting to be creative, but we're in this corporate world, right? We're corporate America, let's call it. And so resonate because for a long time in my leadership in CAT, you were like the first guest that we talked about something other than just leadership and people and stuff like that, because there's so much more inside of us that wants to come out. And when we pigeonhole ourselves into one niche or one this or one that it's for me, felt so inauthentic because I'm like, man, there's so much more to me than just this. ⁓ ⁓ to talk about leadership only because like there's so much more that comes with my leadership that I'm necessarily talking about because it's not okay to talk about because we're corporate America and we're supposed to be polished and all this bullshit. ⁓ And now I'm just like, fuck it, let's just talk about it. The people it resonates with are the people it'll resonate with. And if you don't resonate with it, that's okay, it's not for you. And I think learning what is not for other people is cool and really owning all of who you are, all the aspects, the creativity, the silliness, the whatever. Rich Sharpe: Ha Kat: You Romie Montpeirous: But I wanted to know, what you think about allowing all the parts of you exist at once. ⁓ like, let's start there. Because there's so much, there's a lot of thoughts happening right now. Kat: Mmm. Yes, this is a very timely question because I feel like Richard and I talk about this all the time. Especially because I also have a nine to five and a lot of the time people are like, wait, you have a job? Like, what do you do? Like, because I keep it so separate in terms of when I teach and then when I'm like behind my computer being a tech girlie. Romie Montpeirous: You separate. Rich Sharpe: Damn. Kat: But it's gotten to a point where I am now like, okay, I need to figure out how to integrate both worlds because it's not sustainable. And it feels, there's like a dissonance in how I show up in both spaces. So I feel like, at least terms of like the conversations Richard and I have had, we're getting to that point where it's like, okay, how can we... Romie Montpeirous: Yes. Kat: bring both worlds and just feel authentically ourselves regardless of where we are. Like, the last thing I'll say is I feel like we're both so and making sure other people feel comfortable and like. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: you know, we're making them happy and they feel good versus now it's like, okay, well, how can we be on top of that, but also make ourselves feel whole and good and just like joyful about how we're showing up to. So Rich Sharpe: I only add to that, again, spot on in that we talk about it a lot and I think we try to support each other in those where it's heavy corporate, ⁓ tech early the word she used, the heavy corporate days and trying to make sure we can find that balance. But I wanna harp on a word that Kat said, she used the word dissonance and it's such a... Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. Rich Sharpe: apt way to describe it because, and would just add to it is that like there is that feeling of dissonance, but it's almost like a weight. if I, for me least sometimes like the, and you know, like it feel, you can feel that gap between, wow, like I'm muting this part of myself or I'm not accessing this part of myself. And over time, if you're not careful that it can be, you know, it can grow and become this other thing, right? It's almost like. ⁓ I, I, some, some, someone made an analogy to me one time and they were talking about like alignment in the business space, but I always like kept it, kept it, ⁓ the concept like, you know, close for alignment generally is that like, if you start in the same place you have two parallel lines, right. If you're off just a little bit in the beginning, you won't really notice it, right. It'll feel normal. But like as time passes and I'm, my hand is going off the screen on purpose here, as, as time passes, right? Like you'll, you'll really get really far from being aligned with whatever that this other thing is that is what you really want to be aligned with. Right. And so again, I just want to flag, like there can be back to this feeling, like your body telling you there can be like this really loud feeling in your body. Kat: and Thanks Rich Sharpe: that happens when that dissonance is there. And over time, I think it can actually get worse and you feel it more and more. And you look back and you're like, ⁓ how the hell did I get here? Right. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah, there's a, believe it's a verse in the Bible that talks about you have to bring forth what's within you. And if you don't, what's within you will literally kill you. Because if it needs to come out, it has to come out. It's your gift. And if you don't, you know, and so that's exactly what you just mentioned. And I think that that's why we feel so tired at the end of the day, because we didn't get to pray. Kat: Oof. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Hahaha Romie Montpeirous: Like we didn't get to play in our creativity. We didn't get to play within our theme, you know, what I'm learning is that you can, right? Like what I'm learning is that there are no fucking rules. ⁓ can do it. are no barriers. ⁓ said, right? Sure. You might not be, if you're in a board meeting or if you're in a meeting, yeah, you should act accordingly, right? But when you're not, be you. ⁓ Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: I, yeah. Romie Montpeirous: You know what I mean? Because that's what they hired you for. That's what they brought you in. That's why you're fucking there. Be you. That's why you're there. And if you're not being you, then who are you being? Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, 100%. 100%. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, in a practical sense too, like as I think about teams that I've worked on or teams that I've managed directly, right? hard to tie things like productivity or happy or ⁓ satisfaction back to this kind of this thing that we're talking about, but I have this creeping. ⁓ suspicion and Romy you might actually have some data or like points to make on this but I have this like creeping suspicion that creating an environment that allows people to access those little parts not even just access because you can access it but like be comfortable accessing those parts in public spaces and not being able and not being afraid to try things and Romie Montpeirous: Yeah Rich Sharpe: say something that might be wrong or off kilter or whatever the case may be. I think the net outcome is actually benefit. I know it's beneficial to the individual. That's not up for debate. I think the net outcome is actually beneficial for the organization, for the team. Romie Montpeirous: For all. For all, right? Like, people think that like, I am good at being a leader. Sure, okay, I give myself credit. But what I'm good at is like letting people be who they are. Like somebody's like, we'll be having a tough conversation or a conversation and they're like, I don't wanna get emotional. And I'm like, hey, get emotional. You're a human. It's okay to cry here. I have tissue. Like we can say, you want to say mother effort, the door. Let's say it. Be like, get it out. Cause you have to get it out. You don't get it out. The body keeps the score. Right? So like ⁓ know, and, and, and that's the biggest thing that I think, you know, I think that's a miss from old school thinking in leadership. It's just, that's why I say putting the right person on the right seat of the bus means. ⁓ Rich Sharpe: Let it out. Kat: You Hmm hmm hmm hmm. Romie Montpeirous: what are you good at and what do you actually like to do? Cause there's a space for you here with that. And then you get to do the things that you're good at in your nine to five and guess who's happy and goes home energized and got to play and got to do their you. And then sure, there's always going to be some fallout of some shit we don't want to do. And those will be minimal, but like, let's give, let's look at the team. Kat: Hmm. Romie Montpeirous: Let's see who's good at what and let's give them those things. And then everything gets done no matter what. And it's like, it feels like magic, but it's not. You're just like listening and doing things. It's very simple. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: One of the things that I feel like, you know, are at play there and again curious both of you guys' opinions on this is like, for me personally, and I think this is true for a lot of people, is that like when I don't feel completely comfortable, I actually notice like a degradation in the quality of my ideas and my ability to reason and all these different things, right? And so... One of the things that, again, know, tying it back to often the conversations Kat and I have is like, if we feel friction, right? ⁓ or we feel like there's something missing, right? We'll like talk about it very openly and, and, and try to confront it in a really like honest and open way, you know, and not with the aim of being more productive and not with the aim of, just trying to reduce. that feeling ⁓ I can't be my complete self or there's some friction here or whatever the case may be, right? Like looking at those things straight on and to address them in a really, really like honest way. So that way, again, we're bringing our whole selves to every situation, right? Cause in our home, you know, don't have that problem, right? But ⁓ the second step into a meeting and I don't know, an executive that you had a bad interaction with ⁓ is in room or whatever the case may be, that feeling can go away. So it's just, that's one of the things that we do to try to like that feeling and hopefully like, let it like permeate and carry over into our sort of individual corporate lives. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. Cat, anything to add? Kat: Yeah, you just made me think of that feeling. think that feeling too is like, or has been a good opportunity, I can speak for myself at least, to like also kind of look into, okay, like why are these feelings being triggered? Like what is this confirming in my mind about this narrative I have about myself or you know what I mean? So ⁓ a lot of opportunity to also. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: percent. Okay. Kat: kind of do the shadow work and... and understand triggers better. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah. And I think that triggers is what I'm learning about triggers. I study Kabbalah and what I'm learning about triggers is that it's just, it's just proof that there's something right. What that is, is for you to explore and go as far as you want to down that rabbit hole. And, but it's just showing you there's something you don't have to react to it. You could just be like, Oh, that, ah, shit, they're okay. All right. Not now, but maybe, maybe later. explore that you know people just automatically think that the is a response and there's no ⁓ it's necessary to respond. I think that's the book that the pauses everything is like the next book that I have just because there's a secret space in that ⁓ I'm triggered and if I could just hit the pause button and not allow the body to just do what it always does. ⁓ Now not an I'm not an autopilot. Kat: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: I'm controlling it. I'm controlling my mind. I'm controlling my body. And then we can explore whatever that means. But yeah, you know, I think I tell, I tell my team, can always talk about anything. Like there's nothing off the table, man. Like I don't care what it is, but if you, you know, there's a, there's a video that I showed my guys and it's this whole glass of water. And if you hold a glass of water for a minute, it's not heavy, like to your point with the, with the graph, right? But if you hold it for an hour, Rich Sharpe: Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: You're getting weaker. Like you can just put the glass down and just say, you know, like I let my team, love it because I let my team like, Hey Romy, you're wrong here. And I really don't like the way you just spoke to me. And like, just say it. Like, cause what else are we doing? Like, what else are we doing? Just say the feelings, just say the thing so that we can move on from it. Because. ⁓ Kat: you Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: When you carry it, it just grows and resolution, think that's probably one of my strengths because as soon as I feel something as an empath, you know, I'm ⁓ always looking for like signals and I'm trying not to, but as an empath, I'm just like, ⁓ something feels off. Let's talk about it. ⁓ the first they were like, Kat: Mm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: Now there's therapy session, but now, now it's happening without me even being, I walk into it I'm like, it looks like a therapy. Yeah. And they bring everyone to the table. We'll And we just talk about it. Right. Cause what, what else are we doing? And it looks like we're always huddling and talking at work, but like our shit's on point, but it's because we get to be ourselves, you know? Cause I wouldn't create an environment where I couldn't be myself. That sucks. Rich Sharpe: Love that, love that. Yeah. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: a popular, I think he got his, like he studied neuroscience, but. he talks about, and it's actually funny, it's become like a method that and I use or like each other of, but ⁓ somebody asked him question about being on stage, right? That he's been a professor a really, really long time. He's now touring and somebody asked him question about like, if he still has nerves. And he said something that really stuck me and I shared it with Kat and we kind of remind each other of that is that it's like at the end of the day, it's all energy. and you get to choose, You get to choose what that energy represents ⁓ you. And he said, in reality, at this point have proven that the energy excitement isn't actually very different than the energy that's circling when you're nervous, right? There's just like a framing there, right? And so to your point about, I wanted to bring it back to your... your book that I cannot wait to read by the way, about pausing, like, you and this one thing again, I always give credit to, to, to, to cat for is it feels like such like that, that idea of pausing, feels like such like, yeah, obviously, right. I can take a second, but it is this like catch all tool that can allow for you to. create a little bit of distance from that feeling. You also said something where you're like you're on autopilot. Like I know for me for a better part of my life and not that I'm done with any kind any any work or anything like that, but for a better part of my life, there was no distance between that reaction and that feeling what I believed was true. You what I mean? And I think the thing that that for that distance is the pause, right? It is that like, well, wait a minute. Let me just take a second and like And for me, what happens in those moments, and we're going like deeper and deeper into this thing. like, um, if we want to change the topic, we can't, but like, for me, the thing that allowed for me to more, more frequently create that distance was this like internal conversation of, okay, well, like what's actually going on in a cat alluded to this. What do I actually feel? Is this just framing from what I, what I believe to be true? Is this triggering for some other past experience or whatever the case may be? And then what. happens again for me and I've tried to this and put it into words. It's almost like I can look at the thing as opposed to it like being completely around me. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I can look at it as this thing that's happening like separate from me. And in that instant, it's like I get to make a decision. You're right. And I get to and I get to choose what it represents for me and how I carry on. Not even just in that moment, the rest of my day. Right. These things permeate. We know that. Romie Montpeirous: inside of you. Yes. Yes. Rich Sharpe: Right. So yeah, I just, again, kudos to everybody on this call cat for helping me learn these things and practice and being patient with me while I'm having those moments. ⁓ but also kudos to you, Romi, because again, like whether you recognize it or not, I think as this journey started for me, right, we have some mutual friends. it in those friendships. is in my relationship and it's in meeting people like you. We, we have. Romie Montpeirous: Are you stupid? Rich Sharpe: you know, dinner one night, right? We got a chance to talk about some of these things, right? Like it was in those moments that we were in the back of our friend's home at a party and we got into some of this stuff and all of those little nuggets, I think have helped me develop this perspective. So again, the punchline here being kudos to everybody on this call and in our extended network. Romie Montpeirous: out, Kat, you're the professional here. So how would one first become aware that they are on autopilot and then take us through, take us through like how you learned it. Kat: Mmm! think autopilot can come up in so many different ways. I think it can feel like you go through a whole day and you haven't eaten a meal. It could feel like you did something, but you forgot doing it. Like I've put something in the fridge that belongs in a cupboard. ⁓ in the fridge. Rich Sharpe: ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. Kat: It can feel like a lot of things being on your phone and you respond to somebody talking to you, but you don't even know what you responded saying. And I think the way that I started to learn how to kind of counteract that is just Like you said, like taking a moment to really bring awareness into what you're doing. Because autopilot is also just kind of trying to help us survive. Like it's all just like habits that we've built, patterns that we've built. And I think, I forget who said this, but somebody said that we live like 50 to 60 % on autopilot. Like just like patterns that keep us alive and help us get from one thing to the next. And so I think just really implementing pausing, even if it's for three minutes, like sitting at your desk, can you stand up and go outside for three minutes? Like break that pattern. As you're cooking, can you really like feel your hands as you're cooking? Can you smell the ingredients you're using? know, like, can you do something differently than you normally would? Romie Montpeirous: be. Kat: Maybe take a different route to the grocery store. There's so many different ways, but again, it just all starts with pausing and awareness, I think. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah, I listened to this guy named Derek Grant, DG Mindset, and he talks about that often. Like, you gotta interrupt your pattern. You have to intentionally interrupt your pattern for the sake of your pattern so that you are, again, just, it sounds like you're in control, but you're not. What's actually in control are your patterns, and so when you disrupt the pattern, you're actually, Kat: Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: That's when you take control back. And it's not control in the way that we know control. It's almost like, no, no, no, the captain of this ship. Like I can tell myself what to think. I can tell myself what to do. You know? I remember the first time I caught my trigger was in seminar ⁓ for and this lady, she was different. You know, when they bring in those special people you're like, ⁓ didn't, you're, I want to do you do because you're just doing it different. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: Great. Romie Montpeirous: And she brought up the fact to notice what happens in your body. And I remember, and like, so when you get nervous or when you get this or when somebody pisses you off, like what happens? And I was just like, well, well, like a lot, warm, right? ⁓ heat from the bottom, my hands start to get this. And she's like, and everybody was answering and she's like, okay, perfect. So now you know, ⁓ you're aware what your body does. So the next time your body starts to do that, ⁓ You already know it's just, that was, that's what helped me catch the pause, right? That's what, it's, ⁓ shit, it's happening. Like, and I was like, ⁓ okay, right here, right here. Stop right here, right here. Just right here. Let's just see. And I was just like, wow, what a concept that like you, Richard, it was so automatic for me. Like, and that's when we came up with like, you pissed me off because it was so automatic that. Kat: Yeah. Rich Sharpe: hahahahah Romie Montpeirous: we forgot that we actually have agency over our own mind and body. will never, obviously I'll never forget that lesson because I was just like, ⁓ so we do have a choice. We do have control necessarily. So, and I think that that's where we're moving towards is just where people can just pause and identify what's and talk about it. Kat: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Can I ask a question, Romi? You're the podcast host, I just, it's related to this, promise. just, this is, we're going to use this as a therapy session because this is an active thing that I feel like I'm managing. I'm taking an opportunity. So obviously, I've started this journey and trying to be more intentional, right? And Romie Montpeirous: all that Kat: You Rich Sharpe: And I think so the viewers and the listeners can get value out of this. I'll like take myself out of it for a second. As you start that journey and you start trying to be more intentional, what is the, how do you manage the impact that it can have on your life? If like so much of your life has developed from, or is ingrained in being that way already, right? Cause like I, like, you know, I started this conversation with saying, and I'm sorry, I'm bringing it back to myself again, but like, you know, if you get external validation, right. So let's just tie it down, right. Your job you've succeeded from being a very particular way, right. And taking these things to heart, then, then actually after taking it to heart, taking it to the keyboard and then getting some stuff done for three or four hours, independent of how it impacted you or around you or what is actually important to you in your life. Right. And so. I think what can happen over time is like now, you know, since when you start that journey, not that there's a misalignment, but like I'm almost forced. I'm in those moments from like, okay, feel that. And think the old me would have taken that to heart, been upset, sat here, got some work done, but then like harbored something for that person or this situation or that. And it's split right now. I'll be transparent. Sometimes I still do that, ⁓ but there other times where I'm like, you know what? Like the right thing for me to do is to make a nice meal for Kat and I and have a glass of wine and you know, play some music that we love. Right. Even though maybe there's work to be done or whatever the case may be and not allowed to carry over. So I guess the, the, the, I'll get to the point. The question I have is right. Like, how do you, how do you manage when managed when those two things aren't necessarily in alignment, right? Like, where you've got some external validation and your life is kind of ingrained in you being a certain way. But then as you start to sort of heal and be intentional, right, you feel that there's these opportunities in your life to maybe back. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, beautiful question. think I'm going to answer it in two parts. So when... I believe that when comes up for you, is It time, And it is an invitation what I'm saying. And so... believe ⁓ been successful because of the way I was, right? Because I was the people pleaser, because I made everybody feel good, because I did all these things. Everyone me, I ⁓ my God, Romy, this, yeah, you like me because I make you feel good. You're welcome. Like, but that, ⁓ it's me, right? Like I'm not full. And so when I came face to face with this, in this analogy, I know it helped me become successful, but it's no longer serving me. Kat: you Rich Sharpe: Sure, yeah, yeah. Romie Montpeirous: And so I ⁓ that and a lot of resistance, you can, a lot of resistance, like, but this is how they know me. They're not going to like me anymore. They're not going to this. Who, am I actually all the things. And then I had to like, trust, you know, I had to like, let my ego know it was okay to die and allow this new person to come forth. And if it means that I lose and everyone at least. I do not lose myself ever again. And that's a promise I made to myself. And I will sacrifice myself for anyone else because I have to be honest, Richard. I didn't know who I was. Did not know. And I felt so scared. Kat: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: to be alone because everything in my world was external. My marriage, my this, everything was outside. And so I prayed a prayer and God answered in ways that I didn't want. However, I understand it was that he needed me to be, he me to get to a point where it was just me and him. Just me and him. And I was like, ha, okay, all right. And now I have this stupid confidence. This, I call it like, Kat: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: that I want me or not want I don't even care because I want me like I want me right I want me around I like this version and so I started just asking like do I even like this do I like ⁓ don't know if I actually like that and then I would just toss it away right and so I know that it's it's a broad ⁓ but it it into what you know what we just talked about and so when it comes up Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: When somebody pisses me off at work, because it still happens obviously all the time. study this Kabbalah that tells you that time, right? It's God's way of saying like, hey, we can look at this now because you've graduated everything else. It's such a beautiful reframe. You've graduated everything else. Here's the next curriculum. Got it. So now when it comes up, instead of saying like, ⁓ no, I don't want that or ⁓ no, I'm just like, it teaches you to say, give me more. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: And when you say, me more, something changes Because now you're saying like, instead of saying like pushing it away, now you're inviting it in. And once you invite it in. Kat: Hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, yeah. I love that. Romie Montpeirous: The weight is gone. The weight is gone. ease to move through it because you're not in opposition anymore. Now you're like, yeah, actually, know what? Piss me off some more. Cause I can tell you, my vessel was growing to accept it, you know? And I think that that, the vessel piece for me was a click because of the emptiness and full and empty. And that's just the part, that's just life. We were taught to stay full all the time. And when you felt empty, something was wrong. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: Mm. Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Something was off. Yeah. That's powerful. Thank you. Kat: Thank you. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, of course. Yeah, of course. And it comes to like, you know, somebody told me once, like, you know, everybody wants to be at the top of the mountain. And of course, the top of the mountain has the best view. And they're like, but there's another mountain to climb. And to get there, where do you have to go? And you're like, damn, I got to go down the mountain and back up. Next one. the way down and all the So we're to like the climb, huh? ⁓ Kat: Good, I love that. Rich Sharpe: Mm-hmm. all the way down. ⁓ Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: And it's, bro, it's the opposite of what we've been taught our whole life. Kat: Literally. Rich Sharpe: think for me is that like, you know, again, I do cat, would love to hear your perspective as well. But like, it just, now that I'm taking analogy, like on my way down that mountain, down that mountain, ⁓ or least trying to be, I look back and I'm like, wow, like it was, was false ambition. ⁓ It was, ambition fueled by outside of, the thing that I actually want to be fueling my life, right? And not even hatred, but it was external ⁓ fear. It fear. was all these things. And so, yeah, that's a constant battle. ⁓ Again, I share with Kat it was valuable to get your perspective. Romie Montpeirous: you accept the version of Richard that needed that at the time? Kat: Mmm. Rich Sharpe: Hmm. Romie Montpeirous: Could you instead like bow in reverence to that Richard? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rich Sharpe: You know, it's a question I haven't been asked. we're doing this in real time. This is live. You know, I don't know. hopefully we get a chance to have this conversation, you know, either in person or on the podcast But to date, no, that's, I, it's not that look back and despise who I was. It's not that I, you know, am ashamed of it in any way because it's afforded me so many beautiful experiences and meeting so many amazing people and learning so many interesting things. I have not sat with what motivations were for that individual and accepted it fully. ⁓ I not done that work. Romie Montpeirous: You're on your way though, mean, clearly, right? Because you're asking the questions, you're things that otherwise you wouldn't, you know? ⁓ Rich Sharpe: Yeah, trying, trying. ⁓ Yeah, yeah. No, it's and I appreciate that question a lot, Romy. Seriously, I'll give it some thought and come back to you next time with hopefully progress, but if nothing else, a clear answer. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Romie Montpeirous: It's gonna get you a bunch of... Kat: Yeah. love progress. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, for sure. You know, someone who told me that we were at a retreat and she said, you know, I, and she said, I bow in reverence to the little girl that survived. And at first I was just like, I was like, you, Richard, I was just like, yeah, okay, like fine. And then I realized the other day I was, I was downstairs and I was like thinking about something and I was like 13 years old and I was just like, damn, what a dumb ass thing to do at 13. And I was like, Kat: Mm. Rich Sharpe: Hahahaha ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: And then in the same breath, it's like, but you didn't know any better. You knew what you knew and you did what you had to to survive. And in that moment, I was like, this is what she's talking about. This is what she's talking about. This is the moment that, all right, girl, I see you. Thank you. Thank you for helping us survive. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: Thank you for being whoever you had to be, good, bad, ugly, indifferent. you for getting us here. Because if I wasn't here, ⁓ wouldn't be able to reflect on that. And that was a very special moment, just to give you some more. But ⁓ yeah, come on. Give us thoughts. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: I don't know, I have so many. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Tell them all. Kat: I don't know, feel like we've been just talking about basically how to like feel whole again, it sounds like. And not relying on external things for that, which I think is big. There's there's this teaching, I think it's in Buddhism and it's about like everything being basically like honey on a razor blade. So like things that seem really sweet. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: you Mmm. Rich Sharpe: This Kat: as as they can satisfy and kind like feed this thirst or craving, they can also harm us just quickly. I hope I did a good job at explaining that, ⁓ I'm still trying like conceptualize it in my mind. But I think it's the same. It's like... Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: I don't know if you guys have felt this way, but it's like we keep searching at like, ⁓ like this new job will make me happy or like, I just need to get a new boss or like, I just need to start my own project or I just need to be my own boss or I just need to, you know what I mean? Versus like you said, Romy, to your point, it's like, can I just be happy being me? And that's it. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah, if it's always over there and it's never here, then you're always going to be looking over there. You know, and that's, I mean, I've, we've chased it. I've chased it. I, I, I too, right? Same question. Like have this, you know, move to Vegas, have this house. And I'm just like, why did I, why did I do all, like, what was I, what was I looking for? You know, but I was just like, okay, well we're, are here. Like, like we did it. Congratulations. You know? Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. ⁓ Kat: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: doesn't mean anything. And I think it's the saddest point when you reach the saddest and the happiest when you get the goal and you realize, isn't it. This isn't it. Rich Sharpe: Hmm. Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: do feel like those moments can be ⁓ like just the ⁓ anchored moments, right? Like I remember moments in my life where I got job that was like my dream job, right? Like I worked at a place and had a position and was doing all these, know, supposedly going to be doing all these really, really fun, amazing things. And I was them and I had it and you know, and I can honestly and truly say that there, I don't know, not that something was missing from the job, because the job was the job, right? That there was something else that I needed and it's this work that we're talking about, right? It is this perspective that we're talking about that like, you can have all the money, you can have the job, you can have the whatever, the influence, all those things. But like, if you're not bringing to call Kat's point, you know, your whole self, right? Then, you know, none those things, none of those external, you know, considerations or details are really gonna make that much of a difference. you know, for me, the thing, the question that I keep coming back to is this like concept of what is honest true ambition then, right? Like, because so much of, at least the people that I know that are like materially successful, Kat: Mm. Rich Sharpe: and materially productive. Their ambition, I'm not saying this is 100%, but a lot of their ambition comes from this place of fear, this come from this place of like, well, I can't go back to this or I have to live up to that or whatever the case may be. And so I'm in this place these days where I'm asking myself and now I guess asking you guys, what is honest or healed ambition? Do what mean? Does it exist or does it look a little different? And if it does, how is it different to you guys? Romie Montpeirous: Mmm. Kat: Alright. Romie Montpeirous: Kat, you want to take this one first? Kat: Yeah, feel like this is, we always talk about being connected in like a different dimension somehow, some way. And I feel like you just spoke to exactly what I was thinking about too. It's like, okay, so once we do, know, connect our true selves and start living authentically. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: Like what does it mean as, cause I feel like a byproduct of that is you start attracting opportunities that feel really good and align with what you want. And then it's like, Ooh, I want more. And it's like, ⁓ okay. Like what can I do next? And I feel like Richard and I are really good. By the way, calling him Richard, I'm always like, babe, babe, babe. It feels so weird. Rich Sharpe: It's weird, it's weird, it's weird. I was gonna wait till after the cameras were off. weird. It's weird. ⁓ think I let a babe slip. It's fine, it's ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Hahaha! you You can him Van Deer. Kat: ⁓ I feel we're intentional because we're at a point where we're starting to some traction in the ways that we want to show up and the things that we want to do and the way we want to contribute to the world. But I think we do a pretty good job at this. We'll take a moment and be like, wait, let's just sit. and like look at where we are right now. Like this is amazing in itself. And just like taking those little moments to where you are right now. Cause it'll be gone at some point. Romie Montpeirous: 100%. These are the good days, right? These are the good moments right there, for sure. Yeah, the only thing I would add is like, you're like, like what it's exactly what Kat just said. Once you're, once you get to a place where you like yourself and you're satisfied, and I've never been satisfied ever in my life, I am wholly satisfied. And I could say, obviously I still desire things for sure. Kat: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mmm! Romie Montpeirous: But it doesn't come from a place of needing external validation. Like I really don't give a fuck what anybody thinks anymore. know? Do I want that? What kind of life do I want? Right. And then, you know, you do attract, like when they say it just comes to you, it just, don't have to do, you have to take action naturally. Right. But you, what, we to do now to, let's say, let's take a step back. What we had to do before. ⁓ to climb the ladder, you no longer have to do. Like the being paid to exist is real. Like it is a reality and all you have to do is say, all right, I think I want that thing now. And then waves start to just show up, but it's not because you want to show off the watch or the car or the thing, it's because you like it. Do you like it? If you like it, go fucking get it. Who cares what anybody thinks, you know? And I think that that's such a different concept and that is spirituality. You know what I mean? Like it's not separate. It's not this or that. You don't have to be broke to be spiritual. As a matter of fact, the most spiritual thing you could do is be rich because when you're rich, guess what you get to do? Help humanity in whatever way you want to help. And that is our job. Kat: Mmm. Romie Montpeirous: Like that is our role in this world is to just help each other out, walk each other home. But you can't do that if you're like barely making it for yourself because you're in survival. And when you're in survival, it's a different mindset. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. journey from survival what do want and what do want for myself, think, again, trying to myself here from this perspective, but no, but in honesty, journey I think requires work. That always easy. What I mean by that is that like, Romie Montpeirous: Thank Rich Sharpe: distance between survival ⁓ I want this is into that journey is confronting right assumptions, is exposing yourself in way that you haven't had to. It's risking rejection a that learned to avoid risking it. Kat: Mm. Rich Sharpe: Right? It is all these things that like, know, rhythms that you've built and good at building for better or worse, right? Like I think you've convinced yourself that it's great, for better worse. And so like, you're almost like having to reverse your rhythm. Again, I'm saying this in real time. So I like, if it's coming out funky, I apologize, but you almost have to like ⁓ reverse that And that's hard. hard. It feels... Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: like, gosh, okay, that, you know, ⁓ you know, if that sound means anything, right? And so I think that's why we can sometimes avoid that journey from, you know, survival to what do I really want for myself? Kat: you Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah, I wanna challenge you. Is that okay? Rich Sharpe: ⁓ Yeah, let's do it! Romie Montpeirous: So it's hard if you want it to be hard. constantly ask, constantly ask, let's just let this one be less painful. That's I'm willing to look and I don't want to look away anymore. And I just need this one from time to time. I'm just like, it bro. Like I got it. Like if I have the capacity, I look at it whole and I acknowledge Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: Sometimes I just say like, I don't have it in me today. I know we have to look at this, but like, could we make it easy? And every not one time have I asked, has it not been easier for me? Right? Just exactly what I needed to be to be able to say, okay, we can move on now. Right? And, and it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I, you know, I fuck man. Like it's Kat: Cool. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, it is the hardest thing. I want to get emotional, but I don't want to get emotional. And it's the most free and you know it, Richard, like, you know it. ⁓ know where you have to go. You know where you have to go. You know what it is. At you have an idea, ⁓ right? it is the scariest thing you'll do. But it's just decision. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: The scary part is right now. Once you decide, it's no longer scary. You know, it's just a decision. It's just what we've built up, what we've made it, this monster, right? If you can, you can make that monster this big. It's just what you make it. Your thinking is what makes it so. Cause life is just happening right here. It's just right here. And so in Kabbalah, they teach that it's just you and God. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: in this whole world, everyone else is an illusion. And I said, God damn, if that's true. If that's true, then that means I've created all this one purpose, for evolution. So if this hurts me right now, why did I leave it here? I left it here so I can learn this lesson so I can move on, right? To the next graduate. Let's just keep graduating. I just want to graduate every day. ⁓ You so that's a... Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that challenge by the way. No, no, I appreciate that challenge. I genuinely do. Kat and I always laugh, babe and I always laugh. That, you know, like I feel like Kat's really good at like reading something or listening to something and then being like, huh, I'm gonna implement that into my life. You know, and then like she starts doing it, right? And I'm like, wow. ⁓ like me, like. Romie Montpeirous: You know, I want to challenge your thinking. Hahaha! Kat: you Rich Sharpe: gotta feel that shit, bro. I wanna the pain. I wanna the fucking pain. I ⁓ Kat: you Romie Montpeirous: ⁓ Because you think you deserve it. Because there's a part of you. Rich Sharpe: Truly, no, that's why I'm bringing it up. That's why I appreciate the challenge. I know what that is, but that's it manifests itself. I don't just accept the lesson. I need to feel the lesson, for better or worse. so again, I appreciate that. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. Yeah. No, no doubt, dude. it's, I had the same thing. Like I had to ask myself, like, why would I want to be, you know, you had, had this crush and I was just like, and like she's not into it and not okay. why would I want to be in that if she's not into it? What part of me thinks that this has to be hard? What part of me thinks that I have to chase? What part of me thinks I have to convince her? What part of me is here that doesn't think I deserve all the best fucking things in the world? Rich Sharpe: Right. Romie Montpeirous: And I had to go there and like, that shit's painful. Because there's a little girl inside of me that doesn't think I deserve love, wholeheartedly. Let's confront that. Like, okay, well, where is she and why does she feel that way? And then you go down that when you're ready and then you uncover that and you're like, and then you start to ask yourself, well, what kind of love do you want? And then I started writing that out and I was just like, yeah, actually, all right, we're going to move in that direction now then. And it was like a, just a split And I've never looked back. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Romie Montpeirous: Cause I'm like, why, why, why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we punishing ourselves? You know? No, this was amazing guys. you, I want to hear any last thoughts you guys have for the audience. I think we need a part two. I'm just going to say that. ⁓ don't think that and we'll figure it out. Right? This could be a whole series because this is real. Like this is real. This is real, you know? So. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Kat: Yeah, yeah, I'm ready for another Romie Montpeirous: If there was anything to leave with the audience, what you guys leave? We'll start with you, Kat. Kat: I'm gonna go with based off what you just said. I'm just gonna go with it doesn't have to be hard Romie Montpeirous: You can pick it for Richard if you want. be hard. That's a choice. Rich Sharpe: Yeah, similar in that vein. Remind every day that you get to choose, right? That you to choose what your experience like, ⁓ what it actually not even just feels like, right? So just remind yourself of that. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, no doubt. Make it fun, Kat: also make it fun. I feel like we forget it's so, there's some days where I'm like so serious. I'm like, it's not that serious. yeah. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: not even supposed to be. I telling my friends I bought a and they're like, what the fuck, Romina? I bought a harmonica guys, I heard it in a song, I liked it, I bought it they're like, are you good? I was like, it doesn't even matter if I'm good. What matters is that I play because I feel like playing. That's it. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Kat: I love that Rich Sharpe: Yeah. Yeah, doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kat: Yes, you had a calling. Romie Montpeirous: Stop, stop with the, I got to be a professional. That's what we were taught. I got to be a professional. I got to learn. I got to be good. No, I just want to fucking play. How about that? I love you guys. Thank you so much for this. This was so nourishing. And yeah, absolutely. ⁓ Kat: Mm-hmm. Rich Sharpe: Yeah. love that. I love that. I love that. Love you too, this was great. This is a lot of fun. Kat: We love you. It really was. Thank you for having us. Rich Sharpe: We'll do it again. Romie Montpeirous: We're definitely, think we should just set it up for next month. Like that's just, okay, let's just do it. Perfect. Thank you guys. We'll talk soon. All right, everyone, that ends our episode of Leadership from the Heart. Please like share and subscribe. We'll ⁓ you next time. Thank you. Kat: Let's do it. Okay. Yay. Thank you. Bye, babe. Bye. Romie Montpeirous: Bye guys.