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The Shuttle Chapter 47 I have no word or look to remember · The Frances Hodgson Burnett Library

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: CHAPTER XLVII. I have no word or look to remember.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: It was a dull and dreary day, as Betty had
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: foreseen it would be. Heavy rain-clouds hung and threatened, and
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: the atmosphere was damp and chill. It was one of
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: those days of the English autumn which speak only of
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: the end of things, bereaving one of the power to
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: remember next year's spring and summer, which, after all, must
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: surely come. Sky is grey, trees are grey, dead leaves
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: lie damp beneath the feet, sunlight and birds seem forgotten things.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: All that has been sad and to be regretted or
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: feared hangs heavy in the air and sways all thought.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: In the passing of these hours there is no hope anywhere.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Betty appeared at breakfast in short dress and close hat,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: she wore thick little boots as if for walking.' I
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: am going to make visits in the village,' she said.'
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I want a basket of good things to take with me.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Stoughton's children need feeding after their measles. They looked very
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: thin when I saw them playing in the road yesterday.'' Yes, dear,'
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Rosalie answered.' Mrs. Noakes shall prepare the basket. Good chicken
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: broth and jelly and nourishing things. Jennings,' to the butler,'
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  Speaker 1: you know the kind of basket Miss Vanderpool wants. Speak
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: to Mrs. Noakes, please.'' Yes, my lady.' Jennings knew the
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: kind of basket, and so did Mrs. Noakes. Below stairs
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: a strong sympathy with Miss Vanderpool's movements had developed. No
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: one resented the preparation of baskets. Somehow they were always managed,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: even if asked for at untimely hours. Betty was sitting silent,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: looking out into the greyness of the autumn-smitten park.' Are
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: you— are you listening for anything, Betty?' Lady Anstruthers asked rather falteringly.'
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: You have a sort of listening look in your eyes.'
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Betty came back to the room, as it were.' Have I?'
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: she said.' Yes, I think I was listening for something.'
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: And Rosalie did not ask her what she listened for.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: She was afraid she knew. It was not only the
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Stoughtons Betty visited this morning. She passed from one cottage
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: to another, to see old women and old men as
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: well as young ones, who for one reason or another
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: needed help and encouragement. By one bedside she read aloud,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: by another she sat and told cheerful stories— She listened
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: to talk in little kitchens, and in one house welcomed
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: a newborn thing. As she walked steadily over grey road
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  Speaker 1: and down grey lanes, damp mist rose and hung about her,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: and she did not walk alone. Fear walked with her,
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  Speaker 1: and anguish a grey ghost by her side. Once she
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: found herself standing quite still on a side path, covering
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  Speaker 1: her face with her hands. She filled every moment of
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: the morning and walked until she was tired. Before she
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: went home she called at the post-office, and Mr. Tewson
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: greeted her with a solemn face. He did not wait
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to be questioned.' There' s been no news to-day, miss, so far,'
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: he said.' And that seems as if they might be
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: so given up to hard work at a dreadful time
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: that there's been no chance for anything to get out.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: When people's hanging over a man's bed at the end,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: it's as if everything's stopped but that that's stopping for
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: all time.' After luncheon the rain began to fall softly, slowly,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: and with a suggestion of endlessness. It was a sort
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: of mist itself, and became a damp shadow among the
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: bare branches of trees, which soon began to drip.' You
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: have been walking about all morning, and you're tired, dear,'
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Lady Anstruthers said to her.' Won' t you go to your
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: room and rest, Betty?'' Yes, she would go to her room,'
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: she said.' Some new books had arrived from London this morning,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: and she would look over them.' She talked a little
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: about her visits before she went, and when, as she talked,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Uhtred came over to her and stood close to her side,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: holding her hand and stroking it, she smiled at him sweetly,
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  Speaker 1: the smile he adored. He stroked the hand and softly
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: patted it, watching her wistfully. Suddenly he lifted it to
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  Speaker 1: his lips and kissed it again and again with a
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  Speaker 1: sort of passion.' I love you so much, Aunt Betty,'
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: he cried.' We both love you so much. Something makes
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: me love you to-day more than ever I did before.'
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: It almost makes me cry, I love you so. She
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: stooped swiftly and drew him into her arms and kissed
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: him close and hard. He held his head back a
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: little and looked into the blue under her lashes. I
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: love your eyes, he said. Anyone would love your eyes,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Aunt Betty. But what is the matter with them? You're
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: not crying at all, but, oh, what is the matter? No,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not crying at all, she said, and smiled, almost laughed.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: but after she had kissed him again she took her
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: books and went upstairs. She did not lie down, and
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: she did not read when she was alone in her room.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: She drew a long chair before the window and watched
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: the slow falling of the rain. There is nothing like it,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: that slow weeping of the rain on an English autumn day.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Soft and light though it was, the park began to
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  Speaker 1: look sodden. The bare trees held out their branches like
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: imploring arms, the brown garden beds were neat and bare.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: The same rain was drip-dripping at Mount Dunstan, upon the
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: desolate great house, upon the village, upon the mounds and
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: ancient stone tombs in the churchyard, sinking into the earth,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: sinking deep, sucked in by the clay beneath, the cold
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: damp clay. She shook herself shudderingly. Why should the thought
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: come to her, the cold, damp clay? She would not
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: listen to it. She would think of New York, of
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: its roaring streets and crash of sound, of the rush
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: of fierce life there, of her father and mother. She
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: tried to force herself to call up pictures of Broadway
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  Speaker 1: swarming with crowds of black things, which, seen from the
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: windows of its monstrous building, seemed like swarms of ants,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: burst out of anthills, out of a thousand anthills. She
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: tried to remember shop windows, the things in them, the
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  Speaker 1: throngs going by, and the throngs passing in and out
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: of great swinging glass doors. She dragged up before her
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: a vision of Rosalie driving with her mother and herself,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: looking about her at the new buildings and changed streets,
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  Speaker 1: flushed and made radiant by the accelerated pace and excitement
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: of her beloved New York. But oh, the slow penetrating rainfall,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: and the cold damp clay! She rose, making an involuntary
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: sound which was half a moan. The long mirror set
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  Speaker 1: between two windows showed her momentarily an awful young figure
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: throwing up its arms. Was that Betty Vanderpool? That?' What
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: does one do?' she said.' When the world comes to
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  Speaker 1: an end, what does one do?' All her days she
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: had done things. There had always been something to do.
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  Speaker 1: Now there was nothing. She went suddenly to her bell
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  Speaker 1: and rang for her maid. The woman answered the summons
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  Speaker 1: at once.' Send word to the stable that I want
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  Speaker 1: child Harold. I do not want Mason. I shall ride alone.'' Yes, miss,'
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Ambleston answered, without any exterior sign of emotion. She was
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  Speaker 1: too well trained a person to express any shade of
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  Speaker 1: her internal amazement. After she had transmitted the order to
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  Speaker 1: the proper manager, she returned and changed her mistress's costume.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: She had contemplated her task, and was standing behind Miss
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Vanderpool's chair, putting the last touch to her veil, when
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: she became conscious of a slight stiffening of the neck,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: which held so well the handsome head. Then the head
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  Speaker 1: slowly turned toward the window, giving upon the front park.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Vanderpool was listening to something, listening so intently that
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  Speaker 1: Ambleston felt that for a few moments she did not
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  Speaker 1: seem to breathe. The maid's hands fell from the veil,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: and she began to listen also. She had been at
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: the service the day before, Miss Vanderpool rose from her
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: chair slowly, very slowly, and took a step forward. Then
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: she stood still and listened again.' Open that window, if
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: you please,' she commanded. As if a stone image was speaking,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Ambleston said later. The window was thrown open, and for
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  Speaker 1: a few seconds they both stood still again. When Miss
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Vanderpool spoke, it was as if she had forgotten where
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  Speaker 1: she was, or as if she were in a dream.'
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  Speaker 1: It is the ringers,' she said. there tolling the passing bell.
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  Speaker 1: The serving-woman was soft of heart and had her feminine emotions.
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  Speaker 1: There had been much talk of this thing in the
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  Speaker 1: servants' hall. She turned upon Betty and forgot all rules
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  Speaker 1: and training.' Oh, miss!' she cried.' He' s gone! He's gone,
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  Speaker 1: that good man, out of this hard world! Oh, miss,
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  Speaker 1: excuse me, do!' And she burst into wild tears. She
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  Speaker 1: ran out of the room. Rosalie had been sitting in
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  Speaker 1: the morning-room, She also had striven to occupy herself with work.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: She had written to her mother, she had read, she
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: had embroidered, and then read again. What was Betty doing?
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  Speaker 1: What was she thinking now? She laid her book down
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: in her lap, and covering her face with her hands,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: breathed a desperate little prayer. That life should be pain
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: and emptiness to herself seemed somehow natural since she had
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: married Nigel. But pain and emptiness for Betty? No, no, no,
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  Speaker 1: not for Betty! Piteous sorrow poured upon her like a flood.
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  Speaker 1: She did not know how the time passed. She sat
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  Speaker 1: huddled together in her chair, with hidden face. She could
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  Speaker 1: not bear to look at the rain and ghost-mist out
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  Speaker 1: of doors. Oh, if her mother were only here, and
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  Speaker 1: she might speak to her! And as her loving tears
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: broke forth afresh, she heard the door open.' If you please, milady,
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  Speaker 1: I beg your pardon, milady,' as she started and uncovered
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  Speaker 1: her face.' What is it, Jennings?' The figure at the
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: door was that of the serious elderly butler, and he
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: wore a respectfully grave air as your ladyship is sitting
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: in this room we thought it likely you would not
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: hear the windows being closed and we felt sure my
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: lady that you would wish to know' Lady Anstruthers' hands
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  Speaker 1: shook as they clung to the arms of her chair.'
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  Speaker 1: To know,' she faltered,' hear what?'' The passing bell is tolling,
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  Speaker 1: my lady.' It has just begun.' It is for Lord
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  Speaker 1: Mount Dunstan.' There' s not a dry eye downstairs, your ladyship,
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  Speaker 1: not one.' He opened the windows, and she stood up.
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  Speaker 1: Jennings quietly left the room. The slow, heavy knell struck
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: ponderously on the damp air, and she stood and shivered.
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  Speaker 1: A moment or two later she turned, because it seemed
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  Speaker 1: as if she must. Betty, in her riding habit, was
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: standing motionless against the door, her wonderful eyes still as death,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: gazing at her, gazing in an awful, simple silence. Oh,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: what was the use of being afraid to speak at
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: such a time as this? In one moment Rosie was
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: kneeling at her feet, clinging about her knees, kissing her hands,
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  Speaker 1: the very cloth of her habit, and sobbing aloud, Oh,
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  Speaker 1: my darling, my love, my own Betty, I don't know
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  Speaker 1: and I won't ask, but speak to me, speak just
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  Speaker 1: a word, my dearest dear. Betty raised her up and
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  Speaker 1: drew her within the room, closing the door behind them.
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  Speaker 1: Kind little Rosie, she said, I came to speak because
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  Speaker 1: we two love each other. You need not ask, I
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  Speaker 1: will tell you. That bell is tolling for the man
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  Speaker 1: who taught me to know. He never spoke to me
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  Speaker 1: of love. I have not one word or look to remember.
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  Speaker 1: And now, oh, listen, listen. I have been listening since
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  Speaker 1: the morning of yesterday. It was an awful thing, her
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  Speaker 1: white face, with all the flame of life swept out
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  Speaker 1: of it. Don't listen, darling, darling, Rosie cried out in anguish.
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  Speaker 1: Shut your ears, shut your ears. and she tried to
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  Speaker 1: throw her arms around the high black head and stifle
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  Speaker 1: all sound with her embrace. I don't want to shut them,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: was the answer. All the unkindness and misery are over
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  Speaker 1: for him. I ought to thank God, but I don't.
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  Speaker 1: I shall hear. Oh, Rosie, listen, I shall hear that
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  Speaker 1: to the end of my days. Rosie held her tight
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: and rocked and sobbed. My Betty, she kept saying, my Betty,
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  Speaker 1: and she could say no more. What more was there
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  Speaker 1: to say? At last Betty withdrew herself from her arms,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: and then Rosalie noticed for the first time that she
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: wore a habit.' Dearest,' she whispered,' what are you going
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: to do?'' I was going to ride, and I'm going
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: to do it still. I must do something. I shall
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: ride a long, long way, and ride hard. You won't
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: try to keep me, Rosie, you will understand.'' Yes,' biting
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: her lip and looking at her with large, awed eyes,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: as she patted her arm with a hand that trembled.'
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I would not hold you back, Betty, from anything in
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: the world you chose to do.' And with another long
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: clinging clasp of her she let her go. Mason was
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: standing by Childe Harold when she went down the broad steps.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: He also wore a look of repressed emotion and stood
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: with bared head bent, his eyes fixed on the gravel
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: of the drive, listening to the heavy strokes of the
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: bell in the church tower, rather as if he were
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: taking part in some solemn ceremony. He mounted her silently,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: and after he had given her the bridle, looked up
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: and spoke in a somewhat husky voice.' The order was
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: that you did not want me, miss. Was that correct?'' Yes.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I wish to ride alone.'' Yes, miss. Thank you, miss.'
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Childe Harold was in good spirits. He held up his
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: head and blew the breath through his delicate dilated red
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: nostrils as he set out with his favourite sidling dancing steps.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Mason watched him down the avenue, saw the lodge-keeper come
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: out to open the gate and curtsy as her ladyship's
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: sister passed through it. After that he went slowly back
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: to the stables and sat in the harness-room a long time,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: staring at the floor as the bell struck ponderously on
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: his ear. The woman who had opened the gate for her,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Betty saw, had red eyes. She knew why. A year
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: ago they all thought of him as an outcast. They
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: would have believed any evil they had heard connected with
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: his name. Now in every cottage there is weeping, weeping,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: and he lies deaf and dumb, was her thought. She
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: did not wish to pass through the village and turn
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: down a side road which would lead her to where
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: she could cross the marshes and come upon lonely places.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: The more lonely, the better. Every few moments she caught
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: her breath with a hard, short gasp. The slow rain
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: fell upon her, big round crystal drops hung on the
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: hedgerows and dripped upon the grass banks below them. The trees,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: wreathed with mist, were like waiting ghosts as she passed
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: them by. Childe Harold's hoof upon the road made a hollow,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: lonely sound. A thought began to fill her brain and
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: make insistent pressure upon it. She tried no more to
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: thrust thought away. Those who lay deaf and dumb, those
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: for whom people wept, where were they when the weeping
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: seemed to sound through all the world? How far had
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: they gone? Was it far? Could they hear and could
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: they see? If one pled with them aloud, could they
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: draw near to listen? Did they begin a long, long
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: journey as soon as they had slipped away? The wonder
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: of the world, she had said, watching life swelling and
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: bursting the seeds in Kedger's hothouses. But this was a
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: greater wonder still because of its awesomeness. This man had been,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and who dare say he was not even now? The
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: strength of his great body, the look in his red-brown eyes,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: the sound of his deep voice, the struggle, the meaning
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: of him, where were they? She heard herself followed by
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: the hollow echo of child Harold's hooves as she rode
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: past cops and heads in wet spreading fields. She was
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: this hour as he had been a month ago. If
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: with some strange suddenness this which was Betty Vanderpool slipped
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: from its body, she put her hand up to her forehead,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: it was unthinkable that there would be no more. Where
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: was he now? Where was he now? This was the
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: thought that filled her brain cells to the exclusion of
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: all others. Over the road, down through by-lanes, out on
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: the marshes. Where was he? Where was he? Where? Childe
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Harold Hooves began to beat it out as a refrain.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: She heard nothing else. She did not know where she
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: was going and did not ask herself. She went down
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: any road or lane which looked empty of life. She
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: took strange turnings without caring. She did not know how
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: far she was afield. Where was he now? This hour?
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: This moment? Where was he now? Did he know the rain,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: the greyness, the desolation of the world? Once she stopped
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: her horse on the loneliness of the marshland and looked
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: up at the low clouds about her, at the creeping mist,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: the dank grass. It seemed a place in which a
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: newly released soul might wander because it did not yet
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: know its way. If you should be near and come
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: to me, you will understand, her clear voice said gravely
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: between the caught breaths. What I gave you was nothing
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: to you, but you took it with you. Perhaps you
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: know without my telling you. I want you to know.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: When a man is dead, everything melts away. I loved you.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: I wish you had loved me.