Latest / Potato Chip Pictures - A Podcast / How to Reject a 14-Year-Old Girl Like a Real Man | Conan the Destroyer

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How to Reject a 14-Year-Old Girl Like a Real Man | Conan the Destroyer · Potato Chip Pictures - A Podcast

• 0:00
  I only watched this movie once this week and so I when you said
• 0:05
  we were going to record tonight, I was driving home from my
• 0:08
  family's house and realized I don't remember anything that
• 0:12
  happened in this movie. I have to watch like a quick 20
• 0:15
  minute refresher of what happened.
• 0:19
  It is such a slog. I mean, I, I was so ready to
• 0:25
  enjoy it more and I think not include the origin of Conan and
• 0:30
  be like, OK, like it's an adventure, one of his many
• 0:36
  adventures, but it seems his adventures get cut short by this
• 0:42
  jaunt 'cause there is no third adventure until what, 30 years
• 0:50
  in the future? Yeah, and that's a reboot.
• 0:53
  And that was an attempt to restart the franchise.
• 0:58
  I will say I'm interested in seeing that one, but we'll we'll
• 1:01
  stick to this one and see what happens.
• 1:04
  Yeah, I was hoping to see if they had a rating for the movie
• 1:09
  because I can't remember if it was PG or R because PG13, it is
• 1:14
  PG PG-13 came about like three weeks after this movie came out
• 1:23
  and it was specifically for Temple of Doom.
• 1:28
  And so this movie, they were like we we've got too much of a
• 1:33
  young audience. We can't have another R rated
• 1:36
  movie. So we've got to tone it down to
• 1:39
  APG rating. The first one design.
• 1:43
  The first one was R first one was a hard R but there's boobs
• 1:49
  and blood everywhere. Yeah, I can see that.
• 1:52
  I just didn't. My brain didn't think about
• 1:55
  ratings for a minute, like. Yeah.
• 1:59
  First one was I think almost an NC 17, which would have been no
• 2:03
  theatrical release, so it had to be cut down and edited.
• 2:08
  And then the second one, marketing, I guess I don't know,
• 2:13
  there's a lot to talk about for this second one.
• 2:15
  So let's, let's do it, shall we? Hello, hello and welcome to
• 2:37
  Potato Chip Pictures, the movie franchise review podcast.
• 2:42
  My name is B Sammy Davis. Hello again, I'm Justin.
• 2:47
  And today we are looking at the second Conan movie, Conan the
• 2:52
  Destroyer from 1984. And of course, still starring
• 2:59
  Arnold Schwarzenegger, but also starring, oh, why do I always
• 3:05
  forget? Her name, so many different
• 3:06
  people. Grace Jones Grace Jones was the
• 3:10
  big game I wanted to remember because we saw her in a view to.
• 3:14
  A kill. Not, I think, Will's
• 3:16
  Chamberlain. He's all.
• 3:19
  Right in it. Oh, he's he's.
• 3:21
  All right. But Grace, I think she matches
• 3:25
  what she did in James Bond, so it's good to see.
• 3:27
  Her she's definitely got a character and it it plays well.
• 3:32
  There's also another big star in this movie and I found it out
• 3:36
  today. This movie also has Andre the
• 3:41
  giant. Oh, which in a giant rubber
• 3:44
  costume. Oh OK.
• 3:46
  Oh, is he the the mirror dimension 1?
• 3:50
  Nope, he's the final monster. Oh.
• 3:53
  He's We don't see an inch of Andre the Giant's skin.
• 3:59
  It is all costume, but that is Andre the Giant underneath all
• 4:05
  of that latex. And that blows my mind because
• 4:10
  I'm pretty sure he had just done The Princess Bride, so it's not
• 4:13
  like he was a nobody. He is Andre the Giant.
• 4:17
  He is a big name. I wonder if it was like on the
• 4:21
  posters and stuff, 'cause that that tracks.
• 4:24
  I the fact that like Grace Jones was from Bond, Like, OK, that's,
• 4:30
  that's just a casting decision. But then the fact that I
• 4:34
  eventually recognized that it was a basketball player, like,
• 4:39
  oh, is this like Space Jam, where we got like, the popular
• 4:43
  people of the era and let's put him in a movie.
• 4:46
  I mean, I don't, I don't know when Enter the Dragon happened,
• 4:50
  but I know that Wilt Chamberlain was in that movie as well as one
• 4:54
  of the Kung Fu bosses. So he was a rising star during
• 5:02
  this time period. I don't know if he ever really
• 5:05
  made it as an actor, but I'll be honest, I put throw some facial
• 5:10
  hair on him and I didn't realize he was basketball star Wilt
• 5:14
  Chamberlain. I thought he was just a really
• 5:17
  tall actor. I didn't even think about it
• 5:20
  until they had to jump in some water and he comes out and he's
• 5:24
  just got the lankiest legs. And like, so your tunic was
• 5:29
  like, giving you the impression of, of like a beefier dude like
• 5:33
  Arnold. Nope.
• 5:35
  You're a basketball player. Yep, they definitely padded his
• 5:39
  costume to make him look as wide as Arnold, but but he towers
• 5:46
  over Arnold in terms of heights. And that was the real reason
• 5:50
  they cast him was they were like Arnold is a big dude.
• 5:54
  Like he is a tall person. I think he's like 6162, but he's
• 6:00
  a tall person in the in. He's also wide and muscular,
• 6:04
  especially in the early to mid 80s.
• 6:06
  And then you've got Wilt Chamberlain who's like 7 feet
• 6:10
  tall and makes Arnold look like a child next to him.
• 6:14
  So I don't know if I said the year 1984 we've got derailed.
• 6:21
  Yeah, sorry. That's the year I was born,
• 6:24
  1984. So this this movie came out when
• 6:28
  I was born. And if it gets cut from the
• 6:32
  intro, this was also the year that the PG13 rating came out,
• 6:36
  but it came out weeks after this movie came out.
• 6:41
  This probably would have done well with the PG13 rating.
• 6:44
  It just didn't exist yet. So sorry.
• 6:50
  Also Last movie was directed by John Milius and he is widely
• 6:55
  credited as being the visual guide and the and the idea man
• 7:01
  for what Conan was supposed to be cinematically.
• 7:05
  But he had another movie in 1984 and the producers didn't want to
• 7:09
  wait. They were like, we had a minor
• 7:11
  hit and we've got a franchise, so we're going to keep going.
• 7:16
  And they can't they. Well, yeah.
• 7:18
  They cast the director, Richard Fleischer, who had a wildly
• 7:24
  different view of how things should go.
• 7:28
  I yeah, I think it's maybe I didn't seem apparent to me
• 7:37
  because I was mostly focused on like, oh, the set and everything
• 7:41
  like the locations and and such seemed to match.
• 7:45
  But yeah, I can see how the direction and such maybe
• 7:53
  changed. I cannot remember the name of
• 7:58
  it, but there was this older comic series about a barbarian.
• 8:04
  I but it was a comedic series. And I kind of get the impression
• 8:10
  that that's what this movie was aiming for.
• 8:13
  They still wanted it to be Conan the Barbarian, but they thought
• 8:18
  they had a younger audience and so they wanted it to be a bit
• 8:21
  more slapstick and with a wider appeal.
• 8:26
  And I don't know, some days I'm like, it works.
• 8:29
  Other days I'm like I they lost the the magic.
• 8:34
  Yeah, I would learn more towards losing the magic.
• 8:37
  It's it's an awkward movie and then then blow a hole in the
• 8:46
  side of it when you we get to, I mean, get to the plots and
• 8:52
  stuff. So I mean, I don't know if
• 8:55
  there's any more information on how well it did.
• 8:57
  Yeah, I'll finish it off. I keep getting sidetracked.
• 9:00
  Written by Stanley Mann, Story by Roy Thomas and Jerry Conway.
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  It had a budget of $18 million, which is 2 million less than
• 9:11
  Conan the Barbarian. So they pulled back on the
• 9:14
  budget. Last one returned 79.1 million,
• 9:19
  this one returned 61.1 million. So it did not do well at all it.
• 9:29
  Was it up against the different set of films that are historic?
• 9:35
  Like I'm sitting here trying to think what was happening in 1984
• 9:39
  around the same time and the biggest movie was weeks away and
• 9:44
  that was the second Indiana Jones movie.
• 9:48
  So I don't know if it had big box office competition next to
• 9:53
  it at that time. I haven't heard that as a reason
• 9:58
  why it did as poorly as it did. Most people point to it being
• 10:04
  APG movie and and trying to shift to a younger audience and
• 10:09
  they say that is what messed it up.
• 10:12
  I mean, just barely. There's still ripping horns off
• 10:16
  of demigods and stuff that was like, whoa.
• 10:19
  Well that's like ripping limbs off of orcs.
• 10:24
  That's a OK for children. Yeah, it's a confusing era.
• 10:32
  And also we are now in 2025, so I'm perfectly capable of saying
• 10:36
  no, I don't like this. No, I don't like this.
• 10:41
  I came away liking it more than Conan the Barbarian.
• 10:47
  But then as I've thought about it more frequently, I've I'm I
• 10:55
  don't like it as well. I don't like it more than Conan
• 10:59
  the Barbarian. But the, the one thing I'm going
• 11:01
  to say as my top down view is I like that this movie actually
• 11:07
  has a plot like that. We know what the story is going
• 11:12
  for and we can follow it from beginning, middle and end.
• 11:16
  It's not like an adventure where things just happen and that
• 11:20
  becomes the plot. Yeah, yeah, it's, I do think it
• 11:25
  it drops us into the the plot at an OK speed.
• 11:30
  Like Conan is just there at the beginning of the opening and we
• 11:36
  get ambushed and then we get introduced to my least favorite
• 11:41
  character to. I don't even know if we get his
• 11:43
  name but. Do Malik.
• 11:46
  Malik, he is so to separate the character and the actor this
• 11:54
  actor is in. I'm positive I've seen him in so
• 11:59
  many other places in the 80s acting the same way as this.
• 12:03
  Kind of like cowardly sidekick that kind of just tags along and
• 12:12
  gives quips to to to be a coward like, and it's my least favorite
• 12:21
  trope from these movies. He's got a distinctive voice.
• 12:28
  He usually plays villainous characters, especially in
• 12:31
  cartoons where he can have kind of a a sleazy voice where he's
• 12:37
  like, I don't know what's happening.
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  And it doesn't work so well when you're talking about an
• 12:44
  adventuring party and you're thinking about great heroes.
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  But really, I was more upset that we got rid of the thief
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  from the last movie. Yeah, I liked him so much better
• 12:57
  than this new guy. Yeah, this guy is so this
• 13:01
  character is the worst. And he reading this is Tracy
• 13:07
  Walter appeared in more than 170 film and television roles.
• 13:12
  Like. Yeah, yeah, he's everywhere.
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  Slouch. Like he's no idea where I've
• 13:17
  noticed him from but man, he's. Well, you've definitely heard
• 13:21
  him as a voice actor because he's in so many cartoons.
• 13:26
  He's like the Cook or City slickers.
• 13:29
  Yeah, and he was one of, if not many different villains and
• 13:34
  hench men in Batman the Animated Series, like he was all
• 13:39
  throughout my childhood. But mostly as a voice actor.
• 13:43
  It's kind of weird to suddenly have a face for that voice.
• 13:50
  Oh, the character. Gets a little.
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  Slater So I'm like, no, yeah, like this is this is my least
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  favorite thing. Subo Tie would have been a thief
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  without being a creep. So I'm like whoever wrote this
• 14:04
  in you made a misstep because this sucks.
• 14:07
  Yeah, I'm glad that they changed the character's name.
• 14:12
  And so it's not like we just had a totally different casting of
• 14:17
  Subo Tie. But I I do dislike the new
• 14:22
  character, the new ally. And then I'm going to say the
• 14:26
  other thing that I do like, and this is kind of skipping ahead a
• 14:30
  little bit, but I do like building an adventuring party.
• 14:36
  But before we get to building the adventuring party, I guess
• 14:38
  we should at least lay down the first scene.
• 14:42
  That is so weird. Yeah, and like we've been
• 14:48
  talking about the people in it, so it's Conan and Malik, and
• 14:55
  they apparently have been thieving because apparently
• 14:58
  that's what they are as a thieving party.
• 15:01
  I guess the guy references that. Oh, the merchant must not have
• 15:05
  liked what we stole. We didn't steal everything.
• 15:07
  It's like, but Conan's a thief. I'm confused.
• 15:12
  He's a barbarian. He was a thief at the beginning
• 15:16
  of the last movie. Maybe they're just saying that's
• 15:19
  what he falls back to whenever he gets bored.
• 15:22
  Yeah, he doesn't have any. What do you call it profession
• 15:26
  to help? Well, I feel like if you're a
• 15:29
  barbarian, that's basically your for hire, like go be a
• 15:33
  barbarian. But yeah, the whole ambush and
• 15:38
  fight leading to a job offer is is confusing because why are you
• 15:43
  trying to kill him if you just want to talk to him?
• 15:49
  It is so weird but at the same time it is home.
• 15:54
  I go back and forth for the most part.
• 15:56
  I'm like, I don't like it because why is he just fighting
• 15:59
  out of the blue? Why is he sitting the way he's
• 16:02
  sitting? He's clearly expecting a fight,
• 16:04
  but then when the fight shows up, he's surprised and scared
• 16:08
  like and then we're back to dumb Conan because he's so confused
• 16:14
  for most of the beginning of this movie.
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  And I'm like, I thought you were well written or well read,
• 16:20
  rather something. I thought you were studied in
• 16:24
  philosophy like and you're just so confused all the time.
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  But we get, we get to meet the Queen and.
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  Evil Queen. We get the story to start.
• 16:37
  I'm OK with us finding out that she's got bad intentions for
• 16:41
  Conan, just kind of using him to get something.
• 16:44
  But it's also like, well, they're following some sort of
• 16:49
  fated prophecy for her niece, I think she said, or I don't think
• 16:55
  it was her daughter, But the prophecy doesn't say that.
• 17:04
  You know, Conan's actually going to make a mess of your stuff.
• 17:07
  Like, good. You stopped a little short in
• 17:12
  explaining what's going to happen because they want to
• 17:15
  bring Dagoth back, which I did not connect to this statue that
• 17:20
  they have. Like I kind of connected that
• 17:23
  like that's a reference of who I assume their God that they're
• 17:29
  bringing back is. But I didn't link up that the
• 17:33
  forehead is missing a horn and that horn is what she's been
• 17:37
  talking about them going to get and only her knees can touch the
• 17:41
  horn. And man, if I wasn't getting
• 17:44
  just a little like innuendos stuck in all of that plot, like
• 17:50
  my niece can get this thing and no other person.
• 17:54
  And like it's just everything's starting to feel a little bit
• 18:00
  odd. Why so you do you need Conan
• 18:05
  because he can escort her there and she can get it.
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  But it gets awkward when the niece starts talking about
• 18:17
  trying to find like how to show interest in a man.
• 18:22
  And that's like what is going on?
• 18:26
  Just like be an adventuring party and go get the thing.
• 18:29
  We don't need a subplot with Conan, which I kind of dig that
• 18:35
  he's, he's so focused on his own Kingdom.
• 18:37
  He's like, eh, whatever. I don't, I don't want to have
• 18:41
  your Kingdom or anything to do with you.
• 18:44
  So because he's dumb or yeah. I mean, it is interesting.
• 18:54
  I do really love the building of the party.
• 18:58
  I love when Grace Jones gets into the movie and believe it or
• 19:03
  not, like, as awkward as that scene is because they're making
• 19:06
  her sound like she is a literal child, I do love what Grace
• 19:13
  Jones says. I don't even know the
• 19:14
  character's name. I'm going to keep calling her
• 19:18
  Zula. Grace Jones.
• 19:20
  Zula. That's right.
• 19:22
  When Zula's like, if I find a man I like, I take him.
• 19:25
  She was like, yeah, get it, girl.
• 19:29
  Yeah, that was at least a a different perspective.
• 19:35
  I was kind of hoping like a great twist from Jenna, the
• 19:40
  niece being asking about men, would be if she's actually
• 19:46
  falling for Wilt Chamberlain and be like, actually not this
• 19:50
  barbarian, like this guy that's been protecting me my whole
• 19:53
  life. Yeah, I'm, I'm just trying to
• 19:56
  build up the courage to talk to the guy And that, you know,
• 19:59
  would have at least allowed Bambada to be redeemed and maybe
• 20:04
  even part of the hero team. Right in the movie, redeeming
• 20:08
  himself part way through the movie.
• 20:10
  I was like, wait, yeah, he is betraying Conan.
• 20:13
  Come on. Because.
• 20:14
  He he fully rescues Conan at one point when he would have saved
• 20:20
  him but I think it's because he doesn't have the horn yet.
• 20:23
  Like they get the gym 1st and the gym gives them access to the
• 20:28
  horn and so I don't think the betrayal is supposed to happen
• 20:33
  until the horn. But then again, the guard shows
• 20:37
  up after they get the gym. It's a it.
• 20:45
  It ticks all the boxes of AD and D adventure, so it's safe to say
• 20:50
  that it's about as well plotted as as a improv adventure can be.
• 20:57
  Yeah, it's mostly about, you know, where to space out the
• 21:00
  encounters versus the puzzles. Yeah.
• 21:04
  Even if they don't always make sense.
• 21:06
  You don't want your players to get bored.
• 21:09
  You don't want your Conan to get bored.
• 21:11
  So you throw in some combat well after our party is assembled,
• 21:19
  and let's go ahead and shout out the last member of our party,
• 21:24
  which of course is a KIRO the wizard.
• 21:28
  And this time, he's actually a useful member of the team.
• 21:33
  For the most part, I know. I like him in this movie.
• 21:36
  I feel like a KIRO got a major upgrade from the last movie.
• 21:42
  I mean, I don't love the hand emotions and grunting to be his
• 21:48
  wizard power, but I feel like you don't have very much to go
• 21:52
  on in 1984 to make wizard powers look.
• 21:55
  Like, something can't do a lot with special effects, especially
• 22:00
  if you're pulling back on the budget.
• 22:02
  But we got more screen time with him and he was part of the
• 22:06
  action, as opposed to the last movie where he's kind of comedic
• 22:11
  and the one thing he's supposed to do where he's supposed to
• 22:15
  appease the spirits, he runs away.
• 22:18
  Yeah, Yeah, he's he's contributing.
• 22:22
  I think he gets rescued at a very opportune moment.
• 22:25
  It yes, the more that I talk about.
• 22:28
  I like seeing cannibals. The more it feels like a
• 22:33
  impromptu DND session, like, OK, we got to pick him up, OK, we
• 22:37
  got, we got Grace Jones kind of felt OK.
• 22:41
  This isn't your normal session 0.
• 22:44
  Like, yeah, we're going to explain the rules and stuff, but
• 22:46
  we're also going to like get the party together.
• 22:49
  So we are going to kind of jump through to every individual
• 22:52
  thing, but everybody's going to, you know, meet that way.
• 22:55
  When we do our real session one, which is US going to the ice
• 23:00
  palace in the middle of the lake, we'll have our whole party
• 23:03
  together. We will be ready.
• 23:06
  We can begin and get through all of our our checks.
• 23:11
  I still don't like the cartoon monsters.
• 23:14
  They were cartoon spirits in the last movie.
• 23:17
  It's a cartoon dragon bird thing.
• 23:22
  It's I'm glad they're consistent and I'm glad it's the same type
• 23:26
  of magic for both movies. It was rotoscoping when you're
• 23:33
  just coloring over the shot frames.
• 23:37
  Of course you can line it up. So I was about to compliment it
• 23:39
  for looking like it lined up really well, but you have no
• 23:45
  excuse if you're coloring over the footage like it's always
• 23:49
  going to line up perfectly. I just don't I I didn't like the
• 23:54
  bird and frankly, I didn't like the Ice Palace.
• 24:02
  Yeah, I think I liked the Castle of the Evil Queen better.
• 24:06
  Think there was less awkward mirror type stuff like the whole
• 24:13
  Conan gets in a fight with some monster in a mirror room and it
• 24:18
  like it all kind of looks very like TV movie like just not
• 24:25
  great where the evil Queen's palace kind of looks like stone
• 24:29
  and work and workmanship and it's it.
• 24:32
  Looks like a movie. Yeah, it doesn't look weird.
• 24:35
  So the at least the Ice Palace is somewhat short, which can't
• 24:40
  really say for most of the other scenes in this movie.
• 24:45
  I I feel like the mirror fight drags this movie down to a crawl
• 24:53
  and it feels like the fight with the mirror monster it takes, I'm
• 24:59
  sure it only takes like 10 minutes tops, but it feels like
• 25:02
  it takes an hour. It just drags on.
• 25:07
  It's not the last fight scene that's going to feel like that.
• 25:09
  My. Yeah, there are.
• 25:12
  There are other ones that are not so great, but this one was
• 25:16
  the first time where I was like, after he sliced through, I want
• 25:22
  to say 2 mirrors, I was like, OK, we get the concept, surely
• 25:26
  they're going to be done. No, we had to slice through
• 25:29
  every single mirror. I mean at least we get the the
• 25:36
  Conan spinning around the camera meme.
• 25:38
  I was like oh I've seen Arnold beats spun around like the
• 25:43
  Titanic shot. That's funny.
• 25:48
  It's that admittedly that's a pretty good shot and muscle
• 25:53
  bound Arnold is always going to look good on camera.
• 25:57
  It's just not my favorite fight, not my favorite resolution where
• 26:01
  like he decides to throw his sword through the last mirror
• 26:08
  and I'm like, why do you now have to throw?
• 26:10
  Like if you're worried that one mirror has your friends and the
• 26:14
  other one has the wizard. Just go gently.
• 26:16
  Slashing like chop at one of them.
• 26:18
  If there's a wizard behind it, go kill the wizard.
• 26:21
  If it's your friends behind it, go kill the other mirror.
• 26:24
  Yeah, it's, I don't, I can't figure out how to defend.
• 26:32
  What is the reasoning beyond all this?
• 26:36
  I think maybe, maybe the fight directly after the Ice Palace
• 26:43
  where he's not being betrayed by Wilt Chamberlain, but some other
• 26:47
  elite guard. Arnold.
• 26:49
  Still the Queen's Guard, just not Bombada.
• 26:54
  Arnold gets to throw down three muscle poses in a row in the
• 27:00
  midpoint of the fight, and it's like.
• 27:03
  Oh yeah. It's like Dragon Ball Z when,
• 27:05
  you know, get to charge up to their final form, and now he's
• 27:10
  gonna beat your. Beat your kid.
• 27:12
  I kind of find it hilarious how many Mr. Universe poses get
• 27:20
  struck in this movie. And admittedly, this is right
• 27:24
  after he's, you know, done being Mr. Universe.
• 27:29
  He's been doing that for five to 10 years, and now he's moving
• 27:35
  into acting full time. But I'm sure that he's still
• 27:38
  like, or I could also like bring my arms together so that you see
• 27:44
  my big arms and then they come together and I got my big chest.
• 27:50
  I, I don't know. It's, it's fine.
• 27:53
  It's a fine betrayal that leads us comfortably to our next big
• 28:02
  set piece, which is better than the ice Palace.
• 28:06
  I like this one better. Yeah, the fights just all kind
• 28:11
  of drag on. Yeah.
• 28:14
  She gets the diamond. They need the diamond to go to
• 28:16
  some other place to get the horn.
• 28:19
  The horn needs to get back to the Evil Queen for Cthulhu to
• 28:24
  show up. A peer.
• 28:29
  A peer of Cthulhu. An elder God, Yeah.
• 28:37
  Just someone else's fan favorite Elder God I do like.
• 28:45
  I'm going to call it the Serpent Palace because I don't know if
• 28:47
  the place gets a name, but I do like the cult members that show
• 28:53
  up and they're just like, look, we've been watching this
• 28:56
  prophecy. We just kind of want to see
• 29:00
  what's going on. Like.
• 29:02
  This is cool. And and then they're like, we
• 29:04
  fight. No, it's.
• 29:09
  Like why are we fighting? It's failing your Charisma check
• 29:13
  and being like, actually, we got to fight about this.
• 29:16
  Sorry, Oh, it's so funny. Like it probably shouldn't be
• 29:22
  funny, but it's a highlight to me for how funny it is that I in
• 29:26
  my head, like when the cultist showed up, I was like, all
• 29:30
  right, so they're just going to follow along and just kind of
• 29:33
  hang out. Nope.
• 29:34
  We're going to fight them immediately for no reason
• 29:37
  whatsoever. They felt like that other
• 29:40
  protector group in The Mummy with Brendan Fraser where
• 29:45
  they're just keeping an eye on the Mummy and it's like, oh, I
• 29:48
  can get, I can get behind that idea of they're just hanging out
• 29:55
  making sure everything's going OK.
• 29:58
  But yeah, the the adventuring party just wants to fight.
• 30:04
  If we get there already though, yeah, we kind of skip over Conan
• 30:08
  being super dumb and super drunk and assault by our creepy dude.
• 30:18
  Man is that awkward and man is just kill my rating because it's
• 30:23
  like Ugg this is. Yeah, he spoiled the moment.
• 30:30
  He probably could have gotten some smooches from Zua, but he
• 30:36
  didn't read the situation and and he went too far too fast.
• 30:41
  Like got to read the room, my dude.
• 30:45
  Yeah, but drunk Conan, it's a little funny.
• 30:50
  It's it's not a highlight by any means, but it's a little funny.
• 30:54
  Yeah, it's all of the of They're not quite to that other snake
• 31:01
  palace and creepy dude get started on a Vegas can be birds
• 31:08
  and bee conversation with this apparently 14 year old actress
• 31:13
  who's playing the Denise that apparently to be sacrificed by
• 31:19
  the evil queen has to stay a virgin.
• 31:22
  I'm like this is all just not helping you guys.
• 31:28
  Oh man oh man. One thing to point out about
• 31:33
  Princess Jenna is she is always wearing low cut dresses and you
• 31:40
  can see her chest particularly in the middle and there is never
• 31:45
  a scar until we get to the snake.
• 31:48
  Until we need to know that there's a scar.
• 31:52
  When they when they tell us the prophecy of the scar, suddenly
• 31:56
  we cut to Jenna, who now has a cleavage scar, and it's going to
• 32:01
  go away as soon as we're done with the Steak Palace.
• 32:03
  Like they they've just remembered it for this scene and
• 32:07
  for no other part of the movie. Yeah, I think I barely recognize
• 32:14
  that happening. Yeah, man.
• 32:18
  I caught it so fast. I was like, when I saw it, I was
• 32:21
  like, oh that's weird. I didn't notice that before.
• 32:23
  Well, maybe I'm the crazy person.
• 32:25
  I'll just pay attention as we go on.
• 32:28
  And then I was like, it's never here.
• 32:31
  It's there's. It was never here until this one
• 32:34
  scene. Oh, well, I mean, we've made it
• 32:39
  back to the Snake Palace. Yeah.
• 32:41
  I don't remember where they put the diamond.
• 32:45
  It was in some like I'm calling it a snake palace because it was
• 32:50
  in some kind of snake statue thing.
• 32:54
  And when they put the diamond in its place, that activated the
• 32:58
  mechanism for lifting the head. They get the horn and then they
• 33:02
  meet the cultists and then they fight and go back to the head
• 33:10
  where they decide to escape. But we get our wizard fight,
• 33:14
  which is what I really wanted to talk about.
• 33:17
  Yeah, go ahead with that because it's so silly to me.
• 33:21
  And they OK, I agree that it is silly, but I feel like they as
• 33:30
  actors, they sold it. They actually showed me two
• 33:35
  Wizards fighting and they didn't need to use their cartoon
• 33:40
  spirits that they've been using before.
• 33:44
  They just did it with facial expressions and with reactions.
• 33:49
  And so for me, I liked it because I was like, all right,
• 33:52
  this is very old school. This is almost like what you
• 33:55
  would watch on stage. I, I feel like we're watching
• 34:00
  real actors doing real acting as opposed to any time that we
• 34:05
  supplement it with cartoons. And I think if they had had like
• 34:10
  pink and purple cartoons fighting each other in the
• 34:14
  middle, I think that would have detracted so.
• 34:16
  Much I'd agree with that. Not what we're trying to see.
• 34:23
  And all of Akiro's wizardry has been mostly invisible up to this
• 34:30
  point, so makes sense. There's just a lot of grunting.
• 34:35
  Oh, and our creeper dude has to swallow some more gems.
• 34:40
  Apparently that's his go to. Oh my gosh, I can't put it in a
• 34:43
  bag. Completely like block that from
• 34:47
  my mind because he he swallows gems at the beginning of the
• 34:52
  movie and now he's swallowing gems here in the Snake Palace.
• 34:56
  It's to be fun. And the second time around I was
• 34:58
  like, how like, are you planning on fishing?
• 35:03
  Through your stuff in a bag. Just put it in your backpack,
• 35:09
  yeah? Oh, because there's no, there
• 35:12
  aren't like latex gloves in this time period.
• 35:15
  And you don't seem to be the glove type of person.
• 35:19
  Yeah, yeah. But that's his thing.
• 35:22
  He likes to swallow jewels. We see it happen twice.
• 35:26
  Yeah, it's weak, but we get I, I guess.
• 35:33
  Technically, no, this is not technically.
• 35:36
  This is the betrayal of Bambada. We finally get him to turn
• 35:42
  turncoat. I do things that I do enjoy
• 35:44
  before we get to his betrayal. Are all the fire inside of that
• 35:49
  place guarding the Horn? I guess, but only she can get to
• 35:54
  the horn. Yeah, a lot of people criticize
• 35:58
  that particular scene, but I'm going to back you up.
• 36:00
  I think it looks pretty good for 1984.
• 36:02
  For fire, I'm like, yeah, yeah, it doesn't look bad.
• 36:05
  I think it's effective. I think it works.
• 36:08
  I like it. The story is ridiculous.
• 36:09
  Yes we're we're in Conan universe, but I think effects
• 36:14
  and set team have done a fantastic job in this movie.
• 36:17
  Except the mirrors. Don't let the mirrors.
• 36:20
  So far everything else it looks like Temple of Dune set, which
• 36:26
  is period appropriate, yeah. I think visually speaking, when
• 36:31
  I think about Conan, I think more about the scenes from this
• 36:35
  movie than the previous one. I I think this one has far more
• 36:43
  distinctive a visual signature than the previous movie, which
• 36:47
  really just had a topless Arnold Schwarzenegger as its visual
• 36:53
  signature. Yeah, I'm trying to recall from
• 36:56
  the Witch's place to like the booby trap place.
• 37:01
  I I'm not sure where things really happen.
• 37:06
  They just open planes and rocks and stuff.
• 37:09
  Yeah, I don't even know a lot of outdoors.
• 37:11
  That was their last movie. Oops.
• 37:14
  Yeah. But.
• 37:16
  Yeah, I feel like this one did a much better job of having
• 37:20
  distinctive sets that looked pretty cool.
• 37:24
  Yeah, at this point, my best pieces would be thinking that
• 37:34
  Colin, Eric, Conan has a rather low intelligence and they start
• 37:43
  fighting and they have to make their getaway back through the
• 37:50
  through the fireplace wizard fight.
• 37:56
  I do love that in the first movie, Conan kind of did it here
• 38:05
  and there. I think there's maybe 3 places
• 38:08
  in this movie that Conan says Crom with the exclamation point
• 38:13
  to be like. Dang it.
• 38:15
  Crap. Yeah.
• 38:17
  And I love it. He says it all over the last one
• 38:20
  and this one. It is definitely his his
• 38:22
  favorite expletive I do like. Crom yeah, I'm like, I kind of
• 38:27
  want to take that now because it's ridiculous.
• 38:30
  We make no sense except to a couple of people that may
• 38:33
  remember Conan. I give you permission to do it.
• 38:38
  I say go for it. Make that your thing.
• 38:42
  Oh boy, wizard fight. But they get the stuff out and
• 38:46
  they just oh, because they escape and Malik is doesn't want
• 38:52
  to go back to the queen because we're about to get betrayed and
• 39:00
  like all the cultists are coming back out.
• 39:02
  So Malik decides to go with him. Almost every single thing that
• 39:08
  Malik Doug makes me upset. The first betrayal is Bambada
• 39:13
  collapsing the The Cave. Yeah.
• 39:17
  To slow them down. But Arnold just muscles his way
• 39:21
  through the rocks. Like he doesn't really like move
• 39:25
  them away. He just kind of inside and uses
• 39:28
  his mask to push them through just away because everybody else
• 39:34
  escapes. And then you're right.
• 39:36
  They're all like, we're going to go to the queen and Malik's
• 39:38
  like, no, we're thieves, let's go steal something else, let's
• 39:41
  go away. And then the cultists show up
• 39:45
  and Malik decides to go ride with Arnold and Zula again and a
• 39:50
  KIRO. I can't forget a KIRO, but I
• 39:56
  kind of had wanted Malik to go his own way.
• 39:59
  I know he wouldn't. I know that even if he went his
• 40:02
  own way, he would have come back at the end of the movie to save
• 40:06
  the day. So fine, he's going to join
• 40:09
  here. But it would have been nice to
• 40:11
  be rid of Malik. Really would have.
• 40:13
  I don't know that he contributes much except being congratulated,
• 40:20
  promoted for being the fool. Like I just don't like the
• 40:25
  character. It is a waste of Subotai's spot.
• 40:32
  Someone competent that wants to be.
• 40:35
  I think I felt like, for lack of a better term, loyalty among
• 40:43
  thieves in the first one kind of really matched the adventuring
• 40:48
  party here. We got Bambada, who's betraying
• 40:51
  Conan, and Malik, who's been with him at the beginning, just
• 40:55
  kind of, you know, not wanting to go into danger like Akiro and
• 41:02
  Zula are, are what I want. And I yeah, I don't want the
• 41:07
  other ones. Yeah, like Malik is such an odd
• 41:12
  one out compared to Zula and Akiro being such capable
• 41:17
  adventurers. To go with Conan.
• 41:20
  You've got the fighter with Zula, the wizard with Akiro, and
• 41:25
  then you just got the wasted party member with Malik.
• 41:28
  Like couldn't even get a healer in his place.
• 41:33
  Yeah, it is. I mean I want to forget about
• 41:38
  him essentially because the Evil Queen drone room and bad guy is
• 41:45
  like the entire third act and is is not the worst.
• 41:51
  I'm going to say it's legitimately good.
• 41:54
  I think the final act of this movie is probably the highlight.
• 41:59
  The the very end goes back to Stinksville, but the throne room
• 42:07
  and the transformation and the fight, all of that is probably
• 42:12
  where I'm like, this movie is at its best.
• 42:14
  It has finally become a Conan movie that I'm having fun
• 42:18
  watching. Yeah, I can agree with that.
• 42:21
  I think first two acts are just so slow and the fight fights
• 42:30
  that happen are just like not as exciting their their moments to
• 42:39
  show off our main characters muscles, maybe not fighting
• 42:44
  prowess and like, OK, that's that's the point of the movie.
• 42:49
  OK, but I want it to have more point different points.
• 42:56
  Well, you're not alone in that because that was one of the
• 42:59
  complaints that Arnold had. And I wonder what where these
• 43:06
  scenes were shot because I feel like this throne room, we get
• 43:12
  probably the best performance out of Arnold for the whole
• 43:16
  movie. Like he looks like he's actually
• 43:19
  into the fight and he's into the character again.
• 43:23
  But for so much of this movie, he's just kind of slowly getting
• 43:26
  into position and posing and slowly moving somewhere else and
• 43:31
  posing. And one of the complaints that
• 43:34
  he had during the making of the movie is that it started as a
• 43:39
  serious sequel that was going to be following up the last one.
• 43:44
  And by the end of filming, it felt like a children's movie.
• 43:47
  And he was just dissatisfied with what the production had
• 43:52
  become by the end of it. So that's why I'm like, I wonder
• 43:55
  if they shot this early when he was still into it.
• 44:03
  I think the children's movie aspect may most be apparent in
• 44:09
  the hallway when they're trying to distract some guards and kind
• 44:13
  of just toss rocks at them, sneak around and yell at them.
• 44:16
  It's like this could probably have been cut and we would they
• 44:24
  would still make it to the room so Arnold can fight Bombata.
• 44:33
  An uncredited Andre the Giant. I like the tension.
• 44:39
  I like that during the ritual we get reminded like 5 times that
• 44:45
  Jenna is going to be killed as soon as this elder God wakes up.
• 44:51
  And, and you know, that ended up working on me.
• 44:54
  I was like, oh man, Jenna, you're in danger, girl.
• 44:57
  I expected them to actually. Maybe.
• 45:01
  Succeed like same And I had seen this movie before and I was like
• 45:07
  Oh no like I wonder if she's going to get killed and then
• 45:10
  like the elder God shows up. Yeah.
• 45:15
  But as you can tell by our voices, no, she she does not get
• 45:20
  killed. Doesn't she?
• 45:22
  Conan. Saves it.
• 45:24
  Grace, I would say, actually saves her.
• 45:27
  Oh, that's right, it is. It is Zula.
• 45:30
  Who rescues? She has a javelin like, I don't
• 45:34
  know, have a football field and totally takes that the.
• 45:38
  Main dude a mile away. Pretty exciting.
• 45:42
  I think that was probably my favorite part.
• 45:46
  It comes like 60 seconds before this extraterrestrial monster
• 45:54
  God appears and starts fighting. It is so jarring to like, I'm
• 46:03
  curious if there's any sort of, I don't know, monster, what do
• 46:09
  you call it, the cryptids, if there's any sort of analogy or
• 46:16
  what do you call it? I I don't know if there is
• 46:21
  anything or if this is just a completely original creation for
• 46:25
  this movie, because when we're talking mythology from the Stone
• 46:31
  Age, you can use so many of these things and it's fine.
• 46:35
  But I don't, I don't know if they did.
• 46:38
  I genuinely think that their God, I forget the name of it.
• 46:45
  I think it was. Yeah, I think it was a creation
• 46:48
  for this movie. I think I kind of love it for
• 46:53
  the insanity of, well, all of these people in black evil.
• 46:59
  Like I took a screenshot of the main priests staff and it's like
• 47:06
  a cyclops with a a horn busted up teeth.
• 47:10
  It's it feels like it matches what these people were
• 47:14
  worshipping and trying to bring back.
• 47:17
  So A+ for me, surprising me. I was going to say when Dagoth
• 47:25
  melts and turns into the monster, I love it.
• 47:28
  I genuinely love it. I and I've I've always loved it.
• 47:34
  I've always loved the Dagoth fight and I probably shouldn't.
• 47:38
  It's not that great, but it is and I like it.
• 47:43
  I yeah the the fight may be a little awkward but man the the
• 47:50
  big bad showing up and being basically a monster that is
• 47:58
  indescribable matches what I think I would want a big bad for
• 48:04
  Conan to be like. Sure, he doesn't have magic
• 48:07
  really to beat it with, but it looks intimidating.
• 48:12
  Yeah, and Conan doesn't need magic.
• 48:15
  He just needs his might. That's his magic abilities or
• 48:19
  the steel getting his muscles in the.
• 48:21
  Middle of steel, nowhere to be found in this movie.
• 48:26
  Yep, not even once. And crushing your enemies?
• 48:30
  Not even once. That is all from the first
• 48:33
  movie, but I know I've said it a couple of Times Now, but I'm
• 48:37
  going to say it one last time. The the man inside the giant
• 48:42
  Dagoth rubber costume was Andre the Giant.
• 48:46
  Oh my gosh, that blows my mind. He wasn't credited, but it is
• 48:51
  well known that he was the one in the suit.
• 48:54
  Well, I mean, he probably was. I mean that probably helped
• 48:58
  because it sells the mass of this.
• 49:01
  Creature I Oh yeah. He's.
• 49:04
  So much bigger than Arnold. Yeah.
• 49:07
  I think what I'll remember from this movie is that the monster
• 49:12
  was an elder God and it kind of worked for the creepy evil
• 49:21
  organization that Conan's trend help for.
• 49:26
  I think we did kind of skip over the motivation of Conan.
• 49:29
  He's he's stuck with it through this whole thing, which is
• 49:32
  admirable. He wants his own Kingdom.
• 49:35
  He wants his own queen and it maybe he was hoping that this
• 49:44
  quest would get him back Valeria and.
• 49:48
  I we skipped over it entirely, but that is exactly why he went
• 49:53
  on this quest. The queen lied to him saying
• 49:56
  that if he went on this quest she would revive his dead
• 50:03
  girlfriend and bring her back. And I just completely forgot,
• 50:08
  completely forgot that that was the reason we went on this
• 50:12
  journey. Well, it kind of throws me in
• 50:15
  the end where this new queen, presumably she's gonna have to
• 50:20
  redo whatever religion they're they're pushing in their place,
• 50:28
  asks Zula to be her captain of the guard.
• 50:32
  But Zula checks in with Conan by looking at and be like.
• 50:37
  Is that OK? And oh man, this is awkward.
• 50:41
  So awkward, like, like that's where I think it's maybe
• 50:45
  somewhat of a nod to the loyalty of the crew in the first movie.
• 50:48
  But aside Akiro and Zula, like those are the two that I feel
• 50:55
  like actually paid their loyalty to him.
• 50:59
  But all three of them, including the Fool, defer to Conan to be
• 51:04
  like, oh, can I think. But can I, can I be a part of
• 51:08
  this group? Can I do it?
• 51:11
  And he approves of all three of them.
• 51:13
  But he will not take the 14 year old to be his bride.
• 51:18
  He will not take the 14 year old to be his queen.
• 51:23
  And this his Kingdom, He is given the Kingdom he was
• 51:27
  promised. And he's going to be like, no,
• 51:29
  I'm going to leave and find my own Kingdom.
• 51:32
  Like homie, you found it, you here it is.
• 51:35
  We got it for you. I mean good on Conan for not
• 51:41
  being with the 14 year old, but that seems like.
• 51:43
  That part I'm I'm fine with, but the Kingdom part I'm like, come
• 51:47
  on, like. But yes, he does.
• 51:51
  He does say no to a A. Child.
• 51:54
  I will say that it that works matches with the epilogue
• 51:59
  narration being like oh this is just one of the adventures he
• 52:03
  had, we'll have more maybe. Oh, and that's where I get
• 52:08
  annoyed to no end. Unfortunately.
• 52:12
  Because the last one promised that this one was going to be
• 52:15
  the story of how he became the emperor, how he became a
• 52:21
  conqueror. And this movie, he's still just
• 52:25
  a nobody out in the wilderness. And we're promised again at the
• 52:31
  end of the movie The next time we promise you next time he's
• 52:35
  going to have a crown on his head by the end of the movie.
• 52:38
  Totally going to and. That didn't happen neither.
• 52:40
  I I think I liked the first movies and picture better than
• 52:44
  this one, but I do like the staff sword in this one.
• 52:48
  I just always dig those giant swords on sticks.
• 52:52
  So cool, yeah. Those are a pretty fantastic
• 52:56
  weapon, so I'm fine with it and I don't I don't have any
• 53:01
  thoughts one way or the other about which one I prefer in
• 53:05
  terms of Old Man Arnold's I'm my biggest beef is is a promise
• 53:13
  that the franchise will continue when I know living in the future
• 53:17
  that it will not? This one not better than the
• 53:25
  first one, so I don't know how they would have convinced me to
• 53:28
  watch the third one. Yeah.
• 53:31
  But they would have well. So technically there was a third
• 53:38
  one but it's not in the franchise.
• 53:41
  But it's a movie called Red Sonja and it focuses on the
• 53:45
  character of Red Sonja. But Arnold plays either Conan or
• 53:52
  a Conan like character and he hated it so much that he was
• 53:58
  just done. And so there was then a third
• 54:03
  Conan movie that was in the works and it was supposed to be
• 54:07
  Conan the Conqueror. So we would have barbarian
• 54:11
  destroyer conqueror. And by at that point he was
• 54:17
  totally done. He was like, no, you guys ruined
• 54:19
  it with the last one, and then you made me come back for a
• 54:22
  third movie that sucked. Like, I'm not doing it.
• 54:26
  But the writer and director were already sold on their own idea.
• 54:31
  And so it came out as a movie called Kroll the Conqueror.
• 54:37
  It's not a very good movie, but clearly they changed a lot of it
• 54:42
  to make it its own thing. But there are some sword and
• 54:48
  sorcery elements to it that you can be like, yeah, I can see
• 54:51
  where where that would have been a Conan story and they just kind
• 54:56
  of changed it a little bit to make a new hero.
• 55:00
  So if you're desperate for more 1980s style, those are the 2
• 55:05
  movies to look at. But they are not part of the
• 55:07
  franchise and that's why we are not going to look at them.
• 55:11
  That's good enough reason for me not in the favor.
• 55:15
  Exactly like I've seen Kroll the Conqueror.
• 55:18
  It's a really dumb movie. I really didn't like it at all.
• 55:24
  I wanted to but I I was bored out of my mind.
• 55:29
  I've never seen Red Sonja. I'm curious.
• 55:32
  I'd like to see Arnold again to see what he was like, but
• 55:36
  apparently he hated the movie so I can't have high expectations.
• 55:42
  I mean, it's, it's half and half.
• 55:44
  It could maybe be all right, but.
• 55:46
  Yeah, maybe it's better than than he remembered it being, but
• 55:51
  on this particular podcast, we're going to talk about
• 55:55
  ratings versus grades. We do ratings, not grades.
• 55:59
  And the primary difference is where you find the average.
• 56:03
  See, in a grade, you would say the average is a 7 out of 10,
• 56:06
  but that's a 7 out of 10. That's way up high.
• 56:10
  So we say the average is right in the middle of five out of 10.
• 56:14
  That doesn't mean the movie is bad.
• 56:16
  It doesn't mean that we hated the movie.
• 56:18
  It means it is right in the middle.
• 56:20
  If it goes below that, that's when we start to get into
• 56:23
  territory that we didn't enjoy as much.
• 56:25
  And if it goes above that, we did enjoy it.
• 56:28
  But with that said, Justin, why don't you tell me, on a scale of
• 56:33
  1 to 10, what you would give Conan the Destroyer?
• 56:37
  I was mostly enjoying it until they got to all of the all of
• 56:49
  the implied like sexual tension with the 14 year old and Conan.
• 56:57
  And it just like I was I was, what do you call it, suspending
• 57:05
  my disbelief because I definitely was thinking the
• 57:09
  actress was not a minor. And as soon as I looked up to be
• 57:15
  like, oh, OK, we'll Chamberlain's this person.
• 57:17
  OK, who's this person? But she was 14 when they do
• 57:21
  this. What in the world I didn't?
• 57:23
  Know that. I, I was very surprising and I
• 57:29
  it was not a help in my rating for this movie because we're not
• 57:39
  in 1984. I understand that's when the
• 57:42
  movie was made and it's just not cool.
• 57:46
  Not not how I would like a movie nowaday to to tell me that this
• 57:53
  person needs to be a virgin. But we're gonna, you know,
• 57:57
  actually cast a 15 year old for this and you know, it's.
• 58:02
  Just her love interest is going to be 12 years older than her.
• 58:05
  Yeah, it's. So that is a great big negative.
• 58:11
  And if, if that is, what do you call it?
• 58:20
  Put a pause on that and look at the movie.
• 58:24
  It's still lower than the other one at 3 out of 10.
• 58:29
  It interesting because I I actively dislike the sidekick I
• 58:40
  the mirror fight and several fights are just so drawn out I
• 58:49
  dislike them. If you want to do sword and
• 58:54
  sorcery like I guess the sorcery fight is OK the sword fights are
• 58:59
  just crimping and not not too fun like 1 adventure and this is
• 59:12
  just boring. Like I can I can see if it was
• 59:19
  like it's AD and D session, Sure.
• 59:22
  Like we're going to improv our way through defeating this
• 59:26
  mirror monster and oh Lux into finding it.
• 59:29
  It's like, well, OK, that's not doesn't feel.
• 59:37
  Nice. He rolled a natural one on his
• 59:40
  attack role, which just happened to be the best thing that he
• 59:44
  could do because by rolling A1, he accidentally slashed the
• 59:48
  mirror behind him and discovered the monster's weakness.
• 59:53
  Cool as a session, the sword and board adventure.
• 59:58
  It was not my favorite. I I think 3 is generous.
• 1:00:11
  I'm gonna stick with it. I was mostly at 3 already before
• 1:00:15
  we started talking and like. We kind of skipped over the the
• 1:00:22
  grossness of the creep it the the fire party fire rest and
• 1:00:29
  like just just so many pieces to just make it worse and worse.
• 1:00:35
  I don't remember this fire party they were talking.
• 1:00:38
  About the when Zula and Malik are chatting and he's putting
• 1:00:44
  ointment on her wounds. Oh, that was that was what I was
• 1:00:48
  talking about when I said he didn't read the room.
• 1:00:50
  I was like. If he had been a bit more
• 1:00:53
  patient and not trying to rush, he could have gotten some
• 1:00:57
  smooches. Maybe, but also just like I
• 1:01:02
  don't like that character at all.
• 1:01:05
  Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, by virtue of it being him,
• 1:01:10
  it's going to be creepy and gross.
• 1:01:12
  So, well, I'm not far off from you.
• 1:01:17
  I'm at a four out of 10, which is the same that I gave the
• 1:01:22
  first movie. And my main reasoning for that
• 1:01:25
  is that the two things that I like significantly more than the
• 1:01:30
  first movie are that it has an actual plot and it doesn't feel
• 1:01:35
  like we're just stumbling into the next story beat.
• 1:01:39
  And it has a distinctive visual style that really sticks out and
• 1:01:45
  has much more memorable moments. I think most of the time when I
• 1:01:52
  think about Conan, I'm thinking about scenes from this movie.
• 1:01:57
  But most of the time when I'm quoting Conan, I'm quoting the
• 1:02:00
  previous movie. And for those two things that I
• 1:02:08
  like a lot, there's so many other things that I don't like.
• 1:02:11
  And at one point I was at A5 with this movie, and then I just
• 1:02:16
  kept thinking about some of the things I didn't like, and they
• 1:02:19
  just kept sticking out. Like his things that were really
• 1:02:25
  dumb. Like I'm not a big fan of the
• 1:02:27
  mirror fight. We both were not big fans of it,
• 1:02:31
  but I'm also not a huge fan of the very beginning fight scene.
• 1:02:38
  I feel like for trying to set the tone of this movie, it's
• 1:02:43
  already confused right there at the beginning.
• 1:02:47
  And I think that's kind of a misstep that we just have to
• 1:02:50
  live with for the entirety of this movie, full of missteps.
• 1:02:55
  But I don't necessarily think it's worse than the last one,
• 1:02:59
  and I definitely don't think it's better than the last one.
• 1:03:02
  I I'm willing to watch both of them.
• 1:03:05
  They both have their own things that are interesting and good
• 1:03:08
  and then and things that aren't interesting and good.
• 1:03:13
  So I think 4 is a fair rating for me.
• 1:03:17
  And that gives us the the show average of a very easy 3.5 out
• 1:03:22
  of 10, which I also think is fair.
• 1:03:26
  A lot of people think this movie is significantly worse than the
• 1:03:30
  first one. I'm fine with saying it's only a
• 1:03:33
  little bit worse than the first one.
• 1:03:35
  Like it's they're both to me, they're both uneven, even
• 1:03:39
  footing. And I can see the perspective of
• 1:03:41
  people saying it's worse do. You just watch the third act of
• 1:03:45
  this movie. It's probably good.
• 1:03:48
  It's it's probably all the adventure that you need because
• 1:03:52
  the fight is not like the Bombata and Conan fight.
• 1:03:56
  Maybe a little long, but it's a quick beginning.
• 1:04:00
  Yeah, it's not the main, it's. Better than most of the other
• 1:04:03
  fights they've had in this movie.
• 1:04:05
  It doesn't take an hour. It's not the main villain to
• 1:04:08
  fight. I I totally dig the the big
• 1:04:12
  monster at the end. Like 100% it was just that
• 1:04:16
  monster showing up in this universe.
• 1:04:20
  It it kind of feels like an alien species that this Oh yeah,
• 1:04:26
  this religion just picked. Maybe they forgot that it looked
• 1:04:31
  this ghastly but. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:36
  What if the sacrifice had done nothing and it still would have
• 1:04:40
  mutated into this alien looking creature?
• 1:04:44
  Yeah, because that's just the way it's always looked and
• 1:04:46
  they've forgotten over time. Yeah, I, I, I agree with you.
• 1:04:52
  The third act is really good. I do enjoy the assembly of the
• 1:04:56
  adventuring party, obviously minus Malik, but he was there
• 1:05:00
  from the beginning of the movie so he can't bring down the
• 1:05:05
  adventuring party. Yeah.
• 1:05:10
  All right, well as I said, we are going to be skipping Red
• 1:05:15
  Sonja and Kroll the Conqueror because those are not part of
• 1:05:18
  the franchise proper. But if you, the audience want to
• 1:05:22
  know where the franchise had wanted to go, those are the 2
• 1:05:26
  movies from the 80s that attempted to bring back the
• 1:05:31
  franchise and both failed in their own ways.
• 1:05:34
  Instead, we're going all the way to 2011 where Jason Momoa
• 1:05:41
  becomes Conan the Barbarian and I didn't even know this movie
• 1:05:46
  happened. So this is, Yep, this is going
• 1:05:50
  to be a totally new thing for me.
• 1:05:53
  Technically this is part of a failed franchise because they
• 1:05:56
  wanted more sequels and the only one we get is 2011's Conan the
• 1:06:03
  Barbarian and I'm very excited to see it.
• 1:06:07
  I want to know if it's as bad as I.
• 1:06:12
  Think it'll be as bad as these ones but they didn't get a
• 1:06:15
  secret. I like Jason Momoa.
• 1:06:17
  I think he's a very fun actor. I don't think he's a good actor.
• 1:06:21
  I think he's good situationally. He was really good in the
• 1:06:27
  Minecraft movie that came out last summer.
• 1:06:30
  But he, I really dislike him as Aquaman.
• 1:06:34
  I make no secret about that. Yeah, I and it's, it's just one
• 1:06:41
  of those situations where I think Jason Momoa as an actor, I
• 1:06:47
  think he's a charming human being.
• 1:06:49
  Every time I've seen him in an interview, I'm like, I imagine
• 1:06:53
  he's the type of person that you can have fun with.
• 1:06:56
  But whenever I watch him in movies, if it's comedic in
• 1:06:59
  nature, he's going to be so good.
• 1:07:02
  If it's serious in nature, he's just kind of kind of mumble his
• 1:07:07
  way through the thing. I look.
• 1:07:11
  Forward to it. Too.
• 1:07:12
  Yeah, we'll have to see. Exactly all righty well, if you
• 1:07:16
  would like to help this show, this is the time when we ask you
• 1:07:20
  to give us a rating a review, a like whatever it is that happens
• 1:07:25
  on your pod listening device or application, rather whatever
• 1:07:31
  they want you to do do it for us and that helps other people
• 1:07:35
  discover it. We also have shorts that we
• 1:07:38
  publish on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok.
• 1:07:43
  So if you just want to check out some of the shorts and maybe
• 1:07:46
  share those with your friends. But as I'm going to say every
• 1:07:50
  single week, the best way, the best way to help this show is to
• 1:07:56
  share the episodes. If there was someone you know
• 1:08:00
  who loved Conan the Destroyer, send this review over to them
• 1:08:04
  and and have a little conversation afterwards.
• 1:08:07
  What do, what did you think? What did they think you know?
• 1:08:10
  Just just just use it as a launching point for discussion
• 1:08:14
  or send it to a friend who you want to start watching
• 1:08:18
  franchises with. The point is, send it to someone
• 1:08:20
  else and that helps us out a whole bunch.
• 1:08:23
  And if there is a franchise you want us to check out, or if you
• 1:08:26
  just want to tell us why our opinions are bad, send us an
• 1:08:30
  e-mail at potatochippicturespod@gmail.com.
• 1:08:37
  And I can't think of anything else that I usually say.
• 1:08:42
  And so if you've got nothing, yeah, then I guess we will be
• 1:08:48
  back for Conan the Barbarian. But that is a story that we'll
• 1:08:54
  be told another time. Goodbye.